Stu Goldsmith

How do you think these explorers felt about explorers who were sailing around, for example, you know, sort of islands in the South Pacific where it always looks great and the weather's nice? They must have been like, well, oh, call yourself an explorer, mate. I don't even know if I've found land or not.

How do you think these explorers felt about explorers who were sailing around, for example, you know, sort of islands in the South Pacific where it always looks great and the weather's nice? They must have been like, well, oh, call yourself an explorer, mate. I don't even know if I've found land or not.

Ah, what was the name of the vessel, please?

Ah, what was the name of the vessel, please?

1610. And they stayed and there was a mutiny on his boat, the Discovery.

1610. And they stayed and there was a mutiny on his boat, the Discovery.

Presumably they won. Yes.

Presumably they won. Yes.

I, Henry Hudson, forgive the mutiny. Lots of love, Henry. Written in someone's left hand.

I, Henry Hudson, forgive the mutiny. Lots of love, Henry. Written in someone's left hand.

Aye, aye, Captain, he said, clinging on to the thing that you set up some three minutes ago about how we were on the good ship, you're dead to me. Captain. Thank you very much. It's a great pleasure to be back. I'm very excited to be here.

Aye, aye, Captain, he said, clinging on to the thing that you set up some three minutes ago about how we were on the good ship, you're dead to me. Captain. Thank you very much. It's a great pleasure to be back. I'm very excited to be here.

I mean, at least you're getting something named after you. If I get hit by a bus and they change the bus route to be called Stu's route, I wouldn't mind that. Okay. Yeah. That's a bit of a legacy, isn't it?

I mean, at least you're getting something named after you. If I get hit by a bus and they change the bus route to be called Stu's route, I wouldn't mind that. Okay. Yeah. That's a bit of a legacy, isn't it?

Nice, lovely link.

Nice, lovely link.

I'd feel more happy about the link than the naming of the bay. I'd be dying in the Arctic thinking, well, maybe one day a podcaster in the future, I don't know what that is, but maybe they'll segue away from me with a reference to my death. LAUGHTER

I'd feel more happy about the link than the naming of the bay. I'd be dying in the Arctic thinking, well, maybe one day a podcaster in the future, I don't know what that is, but maybe they'll segue away from me with a reference to my death. LAUGHTER

He's looking for it. And he's looking for it in a special way. Special way. On land? Yeah.

He's looking for it. And he's looking for it in a special way. Special way. On land? Yeah.

And is this a classic example of like, hey, guys, I'm walking this way. Isn't it incredible? And the indigenous trackers who are showing him the way are like, well, we go this every Tuesday.

And is this a classic example of like, hey, guys, I'm walking this way. Isn't it incredible? And the indigenous trackers who are showing him the way are like, well, we go this every Tuesday.

There's no food there.

There's no food there.

Gotcha. Yes. OK, good. Tomorrow we strike out for Death Valley.

Gotcha. Yes. OK, good. Tomorrow we strike out for Death Valley.

Yes, I absolutely love trying to make jokes about ocean acidification fly in a comedy club on a Friday night. It is weirdly addictive and I'm pretty hooked. So what does the Northwest Passage mean to you? Or the Arctic, at least? Oh, very little. And when I found out this was going to be the subject, it did occur to me to do revision and I didn't because I've got principles. Good.

Yes, I absolutely love trying to make jokes about ocean acidification fly in a comedy club on a Friday night. It is weirdly addictive and I'm pretty hooked. So what does the Northwest Passage mean to you? Or the Arctic, at least? Oh, very little. And when I found out this was going to be the subject, it did occur to me to do revision and I didn't because I've got principles. Good.

Were they like an important archaeological discovery or was it just nice that we found them?

Were they like an important archaeological discovery or was it just nice that we found them?

But at least you can bury them and stop all the hauntings in the Hudson's Bay.

But at least you can bury them and stop all the hauntings in the Hudson's Bay.

Russia used to own Alaska? Yeah, for a very long time. When did that happen? When did it end?

Russia used to own Alaska? Yeah, for a very long time. When did that happen? When did it end?

I can't remember the odd date. 1880 purchase. Wow. Yeah.

I can't remember the odd date. 1880 purchase. Wow. Yeah.

So I shall be looking forward to all of this information being new. So, what do you know?

So I shall be looking forward to all of this information being new. So, what do you know?

God, I love the moment of realisation when they were like, well, that's Napoleon dealt with. What are we going to... Hang on. Like, I love the idea of someone who ever had this, I'm going to get some land for this idea.

God, I love the moment of realisation when they were like, well, that's Napoleon dealt with. What are we going to... Hang on. Like, I love the idea of someone who ever had this, I'm going to get some land for this idea.

Yes. Really, this episode is all about failure to traverse the North West Passage in many ways. So far.

Yes. Really, this episode is all about failure to traverse the North West Passage in many ways. So far.

I felt that didn't get what it deserved.

I felt that didn't get what it deserved.

Drag sea shanty competition. Nice. And in stages, knockout tournament. That'll keep us going for a month, surely.

Drag sea shanty competition. Nice. And in stages, knockout tournament. That'll keep us going for a month, surely.

Yes, lovely. Okay. I mean, that's pretty good. I mean, I just went straight off the top of my head there, but I think that would work. Yeah.

Yes, lovely. Okay. I mean, that's pretty good. I mean, I just went straight off the top of my head there, but I think that would work. Yeah.

Oh my God, please let it be a drag sea satty competition.

Oh my God, please let it be a drag sea satty competition.

And this is the reason for the word allegedly. What they're doing is, hey, guys, we're just doing research.

And this is the reason for the word allegedly. What they're doing is, hey, guys, we're just doing research.

No, it doesn't. Does Arctic mean bear? In what language? The language of people who named it. Really? Arctic means bear? Yeah, and Antarctic means no bear.

No, it doesn't. Does Arctic mean bear? In what language? The language of people who named it. Really? Arctic means bear? Yeah, and Antarctic means no bear.

Yes, unless they were playing the long game and they were like, we need someone to go back into the Arctic. So let's give them a really inappropriate job in the meantime. Somewhere called Van Demons, which is awesome.

Yes, unless they were playing the long game and they were like, we need someone to go back into the Arctic. So let's give them a really inappropriate job in the meantime. Somewhere called Van Demons, which is awesome.

He is not. He was offered the chance to leave. To leave the expedition, yeah. But he was in charge of the other boat.

He is not. He was offered the chance to leave. To leave the expedition, yeah. But he was in charge of the other boat.

And he was told to leave and he said no. He said nah. You were last choice, it should be you.

And he was told to leave and he said no. He said nah. You were last choice, it should be you.

Yeah, it is just up from naming your ship the Last Choice and the Albatross.

Yeah, it is just up from naming your ship the Last Choice and the Albatross.

The Terror.

The Terror.

Why would they call it the Terror? Do we have any information on what, like, who would have named it? Would it have been Queen Victoria or would it have been the Admiralty?

Why would they call it the Terror? Do we have any information on what, like, who would have named it? Would it have been Queen Victoria or would it have been the Admiralty?

Is it that it already exists? Yes, it exists. They're like, oh, I see, this is a warship previously. It's been kicking around. We've got nothing to do with it. Let's chuck it up the... Right, gotcha.

Is it that it already exists? Yes, it exists. They're like, oh, I see, this is a warship previously. It's been kicking around. We've got nothing to do with it. Let's chuck it up the... Right, gotcha.

This is coal. We're chucking coal in it to turn the screw? Yes. Gotcha.

This is coal. We're chucking coal in it to turn the screw? Yes. Gotcha.

Amazing.

Amazing.

I don't think anything can go wrong with that tin food.

I don't think anything can go wrong with that tin food.

Well, that can't be bad, lead in your food. There's going to be no side effects from that at all, I imagine.

Well, that can't be bad, lead in your food. There's going to be no side effects from that at all, I imagine.

I mean, he's probably working under the basis that it's not going to come back to him if there's something wrong with it. I wonder if that was a concern when you're heading out on the Terra and the Erebus or Erebus, when you're heading out thinking, well, everyone that provisioned this ship... Do you know what I mean?

I mean, he's probably working under the basis that it's not going to come back to him if there's something wrong with it. I wonder if that was a concern when you're heading out on the Terra and the Erebus or Erebus, when you're heading out thinking, well, everyone that provisioned this ship... Do you know what I mean?

If you were a sailor, you might be thinking, well, what is the redress if this stuff doesn't go as planned?

If you were a sailor, you might be thinking, well, what is the redress if this stuff doesn't go as planned?

Spaghetti hoops. My wife's too good for them. She won't have them in the house. Spaghetti hoops, for sure. I think, well, you'd want carbs, you'd want meat, I think. You'd want protein and carbs, but you'd also not want to neglect your fruit and veg. Would the fruit and veg need to go into tins for three years? It sure would. Peaches I'd go for. I don't know what's available at the time.

Spaghetti hoops. My wife's too good for them. She won't have them in the house. Spaghetti hoops, for sure. I think, well, you'd want carbs, you'd want meat, I think. You'd want protein and carbs, but you'd also not want to neglect your fruit and veg. Would the fruit and veg need to go into tins for three years? It sure would. Peaches I'd go for. I don't know what's available at the time.

Every fifth tin I'd want to be a secret tobacco stash. You could reveal at parties. LAUGHTER and make up for your drag show.

Every fifth tin I'd want to be a secret tobacco stash. You could reveal at parties. LAUGHTER and make up for your drag show.

What are the foods of the time?

What are the foods of the time?

Oh my God, you're good!

Oh my God, you're good!

Those 8,000 tins are going to weigh a hell of a lot, right?

Those 8,000 tins are going to weigh a hell of a lot, right?

Hang on, I'm going to stop you there. Is this drag show happening or what? We're at Disco Bay. Thank you.

Hang on, I'm going to stop you there. Is this drag show happening or what? We're at Disco Bay. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Does that mean that some people claim to have done the Northwest Passage and then you can look at them and go, well, you didn't go round that island on the left, so technically you haven't done the Northwest Passage.

Does that mean that some people claim to have done the Northwest Passage and then you can look at them and go, well, you didn't go round that island on the left, so technically you haven't done the Northwest Passage.

So, well, no, unless you get... And if you've got any porcelain, just pop it in the bag. What's the one that's saffron? What's the one that's so small? Musk probably would be the best option. Plutonium. Yes, something really... Oh, too heavy. At what point does trade happen via that route, if ever?

So, well, no, unless you get... And if you've got any porcelain, just pop it in the bag. What's the one that's saffron? What's the one that's so small? Musk probably would be the best option. Plutonium. Yes, something really... Oh, too heavy. At what point does trade happen via that route, if ever?

Oh, God, that is a killer, isn't it? There's you halfway through Tony's leg, looking up and saying, oh, God, this whole thing's been pointless.

Oh, God, that is a killer, isn't it? There's you halfway through Tony's leg, looking up and saying, oh, God, this whole thing's been pointless.

Well, tune in next week.

Well, tune in next week.

They walked halfway, half of them died, then they turned around and went back to the ship.

They walked halfway, half of them died, then they turned around and went back to the ship.

We're cribbing here for the benefit of the listener. We're cribbing from quite a confusing map, which is it's one of those maps you look at and go, well, that doesn't look like a regular map. And you realise it's because it's on one of the top bits that's curved. So Russia is at the top pointing down towards Alaska.

We're cribbing here for the benefit of the listener. We're cribbing from quite a confusing map, which is it's one of those maps you look at and go, well, that doesn't look like a regular map. And you realise it's because it's on one of the top bits that's curved. So Russia is at the top pointing down towards Alaska.

Oh, sure. Especially if you've eaten another body. Sorry to keep harping on about the cannibalism, but I wasn't expecting that.

Oh, sure. Especially if you've eaten another body. Sorry to keep harping on about the cannibalism, but I wasn't expecting that.

Whoa. I mean, this is where I should chip in with a funny comment, but I'm afraid I'm reeling from that.

Whoa. I mean, this is where I should chip in with a funny comment, but I'm afraid I'm reeling from that.

Are you going to tell me the Hudson Bay Company still exists, only now it's called America? What happened to them?

Are you going to tell me the Hudson Bay Company still exists, only now it's called America? What happened to them?

But that's not the actual Hudson's Bay Company. She's giving me a look, everyone. Is it really?

But that's not the actual Hudson's Bay Company. She's giving me a look, everyone. Is it really?

Wow, guys, we're going to retail. Golly.

Wow, guys, we're going to retail. Golly.

Now sissy that mission!

Now sissy that mission!

Amazing. See, Mum, comedians can be useful on a mission. Chief morale officer. Yeah, exactly. That's always what I thought I'd rely on. Yeah. You know, if we start eating each other, provided I'm the person that first suggests it, I might get a rep as the ideas guy.

Amazing. See, Mum, comedians can be useful on a mission. Chief morale officer. Yeah, exactly. That's always what I thought I'd rely on. Yeah. You know, if we start eating each other, provided I'm the person that first suggests it, I might get a rep as the ideas guy.

Yes, and if you're signing up for a mission, what you want is, who's leading this mission? Oh, Boring Tony. Great. Oh, yeah, I'm there. I'm there. We always come back with Boring Tony. I've over-improvised the name Tony. It was a different one from earlier on.

Yes, and if you're signing up for a mission, what you want is, who's leading this mission? Oh, Boring Tony. Great. Oh, yeah, I'm there. I'm there. We always come back with Boring Tony. I've over-improvised the name Tony. It was a different one from earlier on.

Now, I didn't want to start taking notes because I thought if people are taking notes, that renders the entire quiz concept meaningless. And as a high leaderboard contender, I thought I'm going to not do it. And then there were so many dates and things, I started making notes. So I've got my notes here. You've got extensive notes there. They are pretty extensive.

Now, I didn't want to start taking notes because I thought if people are taking notes, that renders the entire quiz concept meaningless. And as a high leaderboard contender, I thought I'm going to not do it. And then there were so many dates and things, I started making notes. So I've got my notes here. You've got extensive notes there. They are pretty extensive.

And there are certain passages where I kept thinking, don't worry about the quiz, just riff. But it was too late. I needed to write down the information.

And there are certain passages where I kept thinking, don't worry about the quiz, just riff. But it was too late. I needed to write down the information.

Home of Blackbeard. He was in Bristol. No, sorry, you just said Home of Blackbeard. That's a different question. Yeah, later Home of Blackbeard. Oh, later Home of Blackbeard. He was in the Caribbean. North Carolina. North Carolina.

Home of Blackbeard. He was in Bristol. No, sorry, you just said Home of Blackbeard. That's a different question. Yeah, later Home of Blackbeard. Oh, later Home of Blackbeard. He was in the Caribbean. North Carolina. North Carolina.

Where's that one? I've written it down somewhere. That's back on page one of the notes.

Where's that one? I've written it down somewhere. That's back on page one of the notes.

I can literally see it now.

I can literally see it now.

In 1610, there was a mutiny because they were... Oh, it was the argue about whether or not he'd nicked a coat and or hoarded food. But we don't know if that's true. That's just what they said.

In 1610, there was a mutiny because they were... Oh, it was the argue about whether or not he'd nicked a coat and or hoarded food. But we don't know if that's true. That's just what they said.

It was left in a cairn. Yep. And I'm going to refer to my notes, so I did write it down. The Victory Point note was 1859. It was left in a cairn and it... Yep, that's what that was.

It was left in a cairn. Yep. And I'm going to refer to my notes, so I did write it down. The Victory Point note was 1859. It was left in a cairn and it... Yep, that's what that was.

Oh, no, but it fell apart at the beginning. You threw me with the black beard thing. Can you chuck me another question and we can cut that first one out? I won't look at my... I'm going to put it on the floor. Hit me with any question.

Oh, no, but it fell apart at the beginning. You threw me with the black beard thing. Can you chuck me another question and we can cut that first one out? I won't look at my... I'm going to put it on the floor. Hit me with any question.

Ah, Giovanese, Venetian... Ciabotti. Ciabotti. Ciabotti. Ciabatta. Ciabatti. One of the Venetian version of John Caver. Giovan... Ciabotti.

Ah, Giovanese, Venetian... Ciabotti. Ciabotti. Ciabotti. Ciabatta. Ciabatti. One of the Venetian version of John Caver. Giovan... Ciabotti.

Thanks for having me. And if anyone listening to this knows my mum, can you drop her a text and tell her you heard it? Because she'll be awfully proud.

Thanks for having me. And if anyone listening to this knows my mum, can you drop her a text and tell her you heard it? Because she'll be awfully proud.

But you'll need breathing apparatus because of all the methane from the melting permafrost.

But you'll need breathing apparatus because of all the methane from the melting permafrost.

I would say, glossing over the awful entendre that you just conjured, I would say, why do people do anything money and war and power? So probably if you get to be in charge of the bit that's on the top of the world, you get the strategic advantage over, I would guess, certainly, well, sort of everywhere that it looks down on. It's like if you're in an aeroplane,

I would say, glossing over the awful entendre that you just conjured, I would say, why do people do anything money and war and power? So probably if you get to be in charge of the bit that's on the top of the world, you get the strategic advantage over, I would guess, certainly, well, sort of everywhere that it looks down on. It's like if you're in an aeroplane,

you're high up and you can quickly get anywhere that the aeroplane can see. I feel this metaphor has made it more confusing. Is it power and war?

you're high up and you can quickly get anywhere that the aeroplane can see. I feel this metaphor has made it more confusing. Is it power and war?

Yeah. And one of the things that's happening now with the melting of the of the the Arctic is that now it's becoming a lot more contested.

Yeah. And one of the things that's happening now with the melting of the of the the Arctic is that now it's becoming a lot more contested.

And this is like Trump demanding to forcibly purchase Greenland, because at the moment, if it becomes more viable, then all of that kind of I believe China and Russia and America already have kind of they're encroaching militarily on it because it's exactly the same problem playing out again.

And this is like Trump demanding to forcibly purchase Greenland, because at the moment, if it becomes more viable, then all of that kind of I believe China and Russia and America already have kind of they're encroaching militarily on it because it's exactly the same problem playing out again.

Intricately carved walrus artefacts.

Intricately carved walrus artefacts.

Okay. What's the maximum range of a kayak? Because presumably you need to carry the stuff that you're going to live off when you're kayaking.

Okay. What's the maximum range of a kayak? Because presumably you need to carry the stuff that you're going to live off when you're kayaking.

Lee Delamere Services, brackets, Faroe Islands.

Lee Delamere Services, brackets, Faroe Islands.

I'm a Bristolian by birth and later by choice.

I'm a Bristolian by birth and later by choice.

I mean, it was a curveball guess, wasn't it? 1497, set off from Bristol. Was it someone awful like Cabot?

I mean, it was a curveball guess, wasn't it? 1497, set off from Bristol. Was it someone awful like Cabot?

Oh, good, we can declaim him.

Oh, good, we can declaim him.

Say it again, please.

Say it again, please.

Any old name in a port, as they don't say. But what a lovely thing to have a basic name and then turn up and just do regional variations on it. It's good, isn't it? Yes, when I perform in Paris, I'm Stuart Goulsny.

Any old name in a port, as they don't say. But what a lovely thing to have a basic name and then turn up and just do regional variations on it. It's good, isn't it? Yes, when I perform in Paris, I'm Stuart Goulsny.

When Cabot, or Cabotiza, or whatever we're calling him. Ciabatta. Ciabatta, thank you. When he landed and thought it was China, did he really think it was China, or did he think, well, we've got to say something? We can't prove this is China, but if we say China, I might get two years of a sedan chair before anyone works it out.

When Cabot, or Cabotiza, or whatever we're calling him. Ciabatta. Ciabatta, thank you. When he landed and thought it was China, did he really think it was China, or did he think, well, we've got to say something? We can't prove this is China, but if we say China, I might get two years of a sedan chair before anyone works it out.

Again, again, probably sensible to suspect you found gold and maybe we need to go back for another mission just to absolutely make sure.

Again, again, probably sensible to suspect you found gold and maybe we need to go back for another mission just to absolutely make sure.

I've heard of the movie Hudson Hawk and the Hudson River, and that's all my Hudson's. The Hudson River? The Hudson River, yes. Yeah, well, obviously he invented or fell in that river, and as a result he was named for or after him.

I've heard of the movie Hudson Hawk and the Hudson River, and that's all my Hudson's. The Hudson River? The Hudson River, yes. Yeah, well, obviously he invented or fell in that river, and as a result he was named for or after him.

Did it thawed? He was ice skating and he skated towards the king and at the last minute there was a crack.

Did it thawed? He was ice skating and he skated towards the king and at the last minute there was a crack.

Yes, is that why they're going to stay over winter? We're here now. We're going to wait and see what happens when it melts.

Yes, is that why they're going to stay over winter? We're here now. We're going to wait and see what happens when it melts.