Spyder

Obviously we're ready, Sean.

I didn't like it. The cannon fodder bothered me, especially those little fuckers running around. And they'll just walk up to you and just keep shooting you and go, fucking, come on, man.

I would go in the corners. So it was in the game.

So, like, during the game, players were walking around in your fart and be like... Yeah, dude.

Like, dude, I mean, it was literally a three-level walk-up ramp. Yeah. I mean, if he's hitting farts, that's basically an outside fart.

We didn't know you'd take it so fucking serious. I'm not taking it serious. Man, you guys have been experiencing fifth, sixth grade level fun. I tell you, wrestling was fun.

Damn. That was a tough one.

It's important. It's tough. It's a key component to hip hop.

Yeah, the only thing she just came by, said hi for a second. She was like, I like your glasses to him. And I was just I wish Liv Morgan said something nice to me. Should have stuttered her. I should have.

I could have smacked a diva. They were like, are you getting in the ring? I was like, no. I'll fuck my knee off.

Yeah.

Matt McConaughey, that was intense. Was he there, too? Yeah, he was. And he, like, right when we got there, he got there at the same time. And we were backstage, and he was like, what's up, man? Just got, like, directly in my face. He was like, how you doing? Yeah, man. I was like, holy shit. He was awesome, though. I heard he's the man. Yeah, he was as cool as it gets. Damn.

Yeah, it's the bedrock.

Got to hang out with him during the fights. Sick. It was awesome. That's awesome.

It's just like, fuck, dude. He's like, what are you doing, man? He's so fucking cool. His cowboy hat kept bumping into me. He was that close. He's a close guy.

He's an intense guy. Yeah, it was so sick. Yeah. What was your favorite part of the wrestling you guys got on the socket cam that was on the socket cam socket cam ruled?

Yeah, and then Sean gave me fucking bunny ears on my big moment. Yeah What the fuck?

Yeah, he didn't fall for it once. I spent the rest of the night going like, dude, that's actually kind of like fucked up. And he didn't fall for my trick. Usually you fall for those. Usually I can get you. Well, I overheard you talking to somebody else.

And you said he thinks I'm actually mad at him, so I'm going to pretend like I'm mad at him. Fuck. I probably wasn't too secretive. I'd had a couple drinks.

It was the best night of my life. That was a really fucking great night.

Yo, how about that fluffy pop?

That was a homily experience. Who's Fluffy? Gabriel. Yeah, Gabriel Iglesias, the comedian. Oh, okay. I was thinking Fluffy the Wrestler. They put me on the jumbotron. It was like, yeah. They put Fluffy on. It was like, ah.

Where Papa John's will follow the same route. Go back on their bullshit. And he's just like, pizza sales are down, dude. It ain't right. I got to go back to how I used to talk. Yeah, John just has to be genuine. John is pretty genuine. He is. Doesn't he still live in a castle in Kentucky, dude? Obviously, he's saying the N-word.

It is a heavy lad activity. Not taken away. No, especially in Austin, Texas. That was mostly lads.

There were a ton of fucking lads there.

I mean, yeah, that is the best. Wrestling does have the best fan base. I do like that. Everyone's just having fun. White, black, downs.

Everyone.

He did get Matthew McConaughey, threw him a turnbuckle. That's as cool as it gets, yeah.

Let's just all... Everyone is literally being a child in there. Like, a wrestler would walk by. I kept watching this, like, adult black dude. He would, like, step up to wrestlers he didn't like.

It was awesome. That is awesome, man. It was... It was great. It was exciting stuff. The lady match.

Yeah, I'd like to prepare mentally. I'd like to look into the storylines a little. Everyone was awesome. Miz, Rhodes, Strowman, they were all... They're holding the belt, dude.

I totally support you, man. Who's the big Diva that shook my hand? Nia Jax. Nia Jax. She did great. I was cheering for her. What? She's The Rock's cousin. She's The Rock's cousin?

Yeah, she was awesome.

They changed the warrior.

Was it a Barry Lott match or?

A buried alive match would get you. Maybe it was a buried alive. As a kid, you'd go, he's dead. You saw it. They just fucking buried him in the arena.

You're like, what the fuck?

He buried Shawn Michaels in front of everyone. What the fuck?

Owen Hart. Owen Hart. Yeah. Blue Mini fell. He died like at the place. Yeah, he landed on a fucking turnbuckle.

Blue Blazer?

I'm ready to punch over it. Are you ready to do it? Yeah. I'm ready to throw the wands. I'll punch a fucking... I'm ready to throw the wands. I'll throw a wand on two.

Like a stepmom. They're stuck.

fuck guys he was probably like i'm about to take this shit to the next level it works though if you if you curse yeah if your boss swears everyone's like dude my boss is so cool oh yeah he says like shit and fuck in the meetings in the morning he says fuck at work dude it's so badass it's like wolf of wall street in there it's so cool

they could move but they're stuck they just have their arms like this and their head like their neck is on the rope facing out and then he runs around and grabs it and kicks him back in yeah and it just right spot like a pressure point got him yeah damn yeah Ramseo finished the move he didn't know the warrior's death

I disagree. I think dying in front of people sucks. That blows, dude. I know. I don't want anyone to see me die.

I don't mean to scare you fucking out in front of everyone. It's totally embarrassing.

That would have been neat to see.

I think he's a storyline owner. I could be wrong. I have no idea. He's got that fucking Moana money. Yeah, true. And Moana 2 money, dude. And Jumanji. Shit. Yeah. Yeah, he's caked. Rock is. And fucking Fast and Furious. Yeah.

He's probably so rich.

Yeah.

Fast and Furious money is like.

Yeah.

They launched Ludacris in a car into outer space.

Yeah. There's nothing left on this planet for us.

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It was so awesome. He called the waitress a bitch. It was so fucking sick.

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You can't say anything suggestive. It's like, you're in school, bro. You can't even dump for too long. They come looking for you. Oh, yeah, true.

Big Bucket to Brewski with the Bang Bus boy.

I'll be in Vancouver and Seattle this weekend, then Minneapolis and Tampa. You can play it while I'm doing this. Jacksonville, Colorado Springs. Colorado Springs is going to be a wild one. Ooh. Salt Lake City, Manchester United. I'll be in the United Kingdom March 20th at Manchester and Dublin and London. Obviously, Dublin's not part of the United Kingdom, but you know what I mean.

You got to sign out for the bathroom. I was taking liberties with those dumps. Bro. I was taking hour-long dumps. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

But Manchester, please come to that. Yes. That's sick. Yeah, man. Get in there, Gardner.

leprechaun went to space yeah i think he went pretty early hood i think he went from the hood and then the space yeah he was in the hood he wasn't it was they jumped they went too early to space but leprechaun in space was one of the first pairs of tits i ever saw dude it was and we paused it on it and my friend's mom and dad came my friend's mom came down to the basement while we were watching it paused on the glittery space tits bro i forgot my parents were coming over later to hang out and they were like we're gonna tell them and i was like no no

Leprechaun ruled. She was in the first one. And now she's dating Barack Obama. I know.

oh yeah i would just go i would go read my kindle just sit up there and read taking a fake dump at work and just knowing you've like crushed clipped off 15 minutes yeah you were an hour hours hours i was when i was working at that fucking factory i would just sleep yeah that's kind of nice i would just go hide in the locker room and sleep it's the best they hated me for it

Say, no, I was the war crime guy, not the gay guy. I was war crimes. Yeah, true. That's a good point. Yeah, war crimes are pretty sick.

I let Mike go to work. That ain't right. That ain't right.

I don't like that type of talk. You know me, dude. Don't talk about my politicians.

I was watching RFK Jr. getting sworn in. I saw clips of it.

Yeah, they're trying to get the boys.

Yeah.

You know, the bioengineered.

Yeah, but he was like, I was quoting NIH.

You can't do that. I saw it. Did you see Bernie yelling at him for the onesies? Yes, I saw a little bit of that. Do you support this onesie? Do you agree with the onesie on the screen? It was like a baby onesie that said something about vaccines. Oh, that's what the ones he said. Yeah, he was seriously like, do you believe in this onesie? Yeah. And he was like, I don't think so.

I don't support that onesie.

And you're like, okay, man. Yeah, those hearings are all girl stuff.

You know what got me? You know what politically got me fired up? What? What's the video game Elon Musk says he plays? Did you hear he lied about that? What? He's not even that good at it. He was cheating. He had somebody else playing for him. Say what?

He's video game lying. That's psychotic. Really weird, yeah. If that's true, I don't know the story. If it's true that Elon Musk is video game lying...

That's fucking weird.

Remember Woodman? Yes, yes, yes.

That was the scariest shit ever. You can't video game lie. If you find out someone's video game lying, you go, why?

Yeah.

Puberty is where you got to. Once you jizz, you can't video game lie. I think he video game lied and then tried to play. What I heard was then he tried to play on a live stream, and people that played the game were like, for him to take this long to figure out these buttons, he's never played this fucking game. Dude, that's crazy.

Make sure everyone thinks I'm the nicest at Diablo.

Sick he used the crystals. Never would have thought of that.

Answer the question, yes or no? Did you use Game Genie on Diablo? Yes or no? Did you use the Contra code for infinite odds? I swear to God that actually does matter, though.

Somebody was saying he's doing it because he's trying to get views because he wants to do a streaming thing on X, like a new show on there. Just hire pro gamers. Who knows what's going on.

I'm sure most of them had something. But he's the first one that he seems like he wants fame.

And autism and fame together almost makes me think he's not autistic. True. Those bros fucking don't care at all about that.

That's a good point. This guy's confusing me. Video game lying is... Video game lying, though, that bothered me.

This is what happens. No, but I know, but exactly. I get it. You end up going, I'll just fucking, I wish my friends would say this about me. Alt account. Everybody should know about this.

They're hyping themselves, which, again, if you hire someone to do social media, burner accounts that hype themselves up and argue in the comments a lot. That's professional athletes do it a lot. That's crazy.

The factory was easy to sleep at because it was, the hours were, I was literally falling asleep.

You know, maybe I could see that I could see that phone call. And then you don't even think about how lame that is. Until you get caught doing it and then you go, yeah, fuck, that was lame as fuck. Oh, it's the worst, bro. Yeah.

I don't even think he did. No, I think he looks good. He's actually like nasty at Diablo. He's so good at Diablo.

I pray that's not true. I hope there's something behind that. I hope he's trying to promote a show on X. I hope so, too. Because video game lying is treason. In my America, that's treason. That's firing squad.

true with like what is it chipotle no i'm all right thank you you'd have the firing squad jump like halo players teabagging after he's dead dude i didn't know that that's truly devastating but you know maybe i'm on my liberal shit the white house came out and lied about uh they said we were giving 50 million dollars worth of condoms to gaza why

they're justifying they're cutting federal funding for a lot of shit because we're wasting tons of money on random bullshit and one of the examples they used happens to not probably not be true which was we're giving 50 million dollars worth of condoms to Hamas they're not using them they're not using them yeah that'd be more condoms than yeah 50 million dollars worth of condoms is too much

There's no way. It turns out that's probably not true. But then what they're doing, which is very nice because that lie was so stupid. The media can focus on that as like the story instead of the funding that should probably be cut, which they actually are doing.

When I worked at an auto auction, I could pull off a nap in a car. My job would be to go clean the cars. I would just find one far as fuck, turn it on, get the AC going. Yeah.

You know, to like foreign DEI company bullshit, you know.

The United States is paying like 80 million dollars to promote DEI and fucking Chad. Shit like that.

Yeah. There you go. What gender are you? I am mechanic. All right. Well, we can shut this program down. Program's done. I am mechanic. Okay.

Yeah, I've been watching those videos. They've been firing me up. Africa Corps. What's Africa Corps? It's the funniest. It's just dudes getting interviewed on the street.

Would you ever marry a woman that makes more money than you?

Never. I will always be poor. Why are you gay? Oh, there's... What gender are you? I am mechanic. Yeah, those dudes fucking rule.

There's dudes in, like, Russian hospitals posting videos, like, Russian soldiers, like, these are my roommates. It's two North Koreans. There's a TV in the room, and they're like, what the fuck is this?

not clean a single car i actually slept at every job i've ever had i slept at uh i used to have to build furniture i worked at a outdoor place i was my job was they just put me in a warehouse and like assemble some furniture build one bed one bench sleep on it just fucking wake up five hours later be like oh shit give it the homeless guy all day work fuck i didn't build one

They see CGI. They see, like, the Geico fucking gecko. They're just like,

really the russians came out i think today and said they tried to kill biden and trump or putin and trump what yeah they could just be horse feeding true but it i mean it is but it doesn't seem like somebody tried to kill trump yeah for sure he didn't get shot in the fucking head someone did try to get his ass putin too i mean it is if putin's over there that is the other guy that tried to shoot him was what living in ukraine yeah that's not a good one what the hell

Well, that's because you hang out with a bunch of fucking slobs.

Being the fittest guy at a comedy club is fucking not that impressive. I go there, I'm like, hey, shit's all right.

My heart goes out to you. It has nothing compared to lying on Diablo. That's true.

Until I die. They should have. Yeah. They should have hidden that. I would have said no. I did not video game lie.

That fucked me up. I watched that. I got 20 minutes left of that, Ken Burns. It was good. Finish a Ken Burns, you feel like you did something.

That was dense, man. That was a lot. It was easy because my girlfriend's friends were visiting. So I was just in my room, shacked up with some Ken Burns, watching Vietnam.

It'll come in the room and they'll go.

Yeah, it was a bummer. Nixon... I don't know why I was getting reports that Nixon was kind of the man. He was... According to the Ken Burns documentary, that guy sucked. Yeah, people say he's bad. People always say he's bad. Who was telling you he was the man? Louie likes him. Yeah. I think Louie likes him, but he recognizes his flaws. And then... What's his name? Nick Bryan was in here.

Offices are tough. I've never slept in an office. It's tough. That's a tough one.

You were saying he got... There's a lot of people that were like, he's kind of... And I've defended him. I've been like, he ended Vietnam. It was pretty good. It's like he... He didn't want to. He wanted to do it for political purposes. They had peace talks lined up before the election, and he, as a candidate, went in and was like,

He talked directly to the South Vietnamese and he was like, don't do these peace talks. Wait till I'm elected. We'll get you a better deal.

So he shut down peace talks for his election.

That was. Yeah, he was a candidate.

They tried to have peace talks and they waited. The peace talks took 10 weeks because South or South Vietnam and North Vietnam couldn't agree on what table to use. They were like, if we're on this side, you guys have to be on that side. And they fought about it for 10 weeks. What? And the war just kept going.

No, they wanted the Viet Cong and the North Vietnamese to sit on the same side because they were like, you guys are the same fucking team. Stop pretending you're not. And then the Soviet Union came in with a big plan 10 weeks later. What about a round table so no one's really on a side? And everyone was like, all right, that works. Kind of a good idea. Now let's talk.

It was the dumbest, Vietnam was the dumbest piece of shit war. And the whole time people were like, even in America, every single person that went over there was like, we shouldn't do that. Don't do that. Every advisor was like, don't do it.

I would have my friends come test drive cars. That's cool. That's a nice move. Just leave for an hour, go get lunch. Chill.

We sent over advisors under Kennedy, and then he was like, we're not going to ever send troops. Yeah. So they shot him in the head, and then LBJ sent troops in. Damn, dude. Yeah, that's why they shot him in the head.

We got stuck in this war that we were going to try to make South Vietnam the government there, like a democratic.

Like we elected their guys, and everybody we elected kept being a corrupt fucking psycho. Dang. Shit. Just sucked. But the one thing that bothers me, especially on the internet, there's nice memes where Vietnam fucked us up. We literally committed a genocide there. They did not fuck us up. We murdered, look at the, it was like literally a million, we killed a million.

By America's standard of body count at the time, that was what they were going with. Yeah. America was like, we're winning the war. We killed so many. But they didn't say mercy. They were like, they never said mercy. That sucks. They never said uncle.

Yeah. Kill a million of us. I don't give a fuck.

Yeah. Like, yo, I had him. He was a right, he was a right fucking man. That guy was fucking tricky. He just fucking left. I don't know. I didn't even get him. Yeah.

they mad dogged us they know we got a little soft that was the other thing because i'm watching this you know it's a historical documentary i'm watching it like it's a movie i'm thinking like oh man we should have won this war we could have fucked them up not even thinking about like human lives but the people back home were real like anti-war our journalists were really uh taking it upon themselves to try to get peace by showing how awful the war was

yeah yeah and of course north north vietnam didn't have freedom of press so they were just telling everybody we're winning meanwhile america's like this is a disaster yeah it was a disaster it was a disaster that's the hard part but they should have been it's also a war yeah true there's there's i understand doing the right thing by reporting on terrible things

there'd be a battle for like a hill yeah and we would take it and then the next day we would just abandon it it like it nothing made sense crazy um it started with like france leaving and then the communists kind of taking hold and starting to take over and then south vietnam being like can you help us out yeah we're like we'll send advisors and we're like we should just dump a bunch of money into this and our people and then we ended up sending troops

Yeah. We didn't want China to expand into Vietnam. Yeah. The way they were. Exciting stuff.

I watched the whole fucking thing. I still don't know what happened. I mean, that's pretty good recounting. Yeah, but nothing makes sense as to why anything happened. Yeah, it's fucking weird.

I never understood a thing about Bitcoin.

What is happening?

And I've been hit with... A lot of speeches on it.

I got hit with Sam Hyde, Nick Mullen. I've been hit with serious rants on Bitcoin.

And I've never... I've just... I just stare at them. Well, there's like... They talk to me about money and I go, all I know is college football.

I should have focused on money.

I don't know anything. I do know your money managers get mad when you say, put that into Bitcoin.

That's stupid. If that's how it works, that's dumb. You just do math problems, a computer does things? That's a little weird. Who's benefiting from the computer doing something?

I was like I was Vietnam dude. You're smoking it out of the barrel What are you doing here

Really? Yeah, you tried to build a rig to mine?

Damn, you could have done it. You could have stuck with it.

That's how people seem to get away with saying the N word. There's certain guys out there like the Puerto Ricans.

No one can do it. What is it? 13 times 7. No one on Earth can do that, dude.

I can't do any of that.

It seems like we all know the vocabulary around it.

I have a tough time explaining what any of it is.

That's all. That made no sense. Points of what? What are you talking about? Entry and exit points of what?

What if instead of 0s and 1s?

Yeah, I understand it now. Thank you. Just a little bit more. Well, let's switch it over to Patreon. Yeah, let's switch it over to Patreon.

Yeah.

Was it just you and your family or did you invite? It was bros. It was like LaMare, Sean. Oh, you guys went and played laser tag?

She's doing cake. Was it a teenager instructor?

Too old to be instructing laser tech.

Yeah, it kind of takes you out of the conversation a little.

You said you did.

You might have sized out of your dork city.

Of course. He's the king of the games. They can probably feel it. There's probably a disturbance in the laser tag. The king of the games is here.

Nope.

Typically, any non-African-American saying the N-word is sussing you out when they say it.

Was it two stories? Two stories, bro. Two levels. Three, yeah. Could you, was it open on the third? Could you shoot down? Oh, yeah, bro.

That's the best.

All I thought about today was podcasting. Can't get enough. As soon as that red light comes on, we're on. And we're here to talk cancel culture.

I mean, they say, it could be your uncle in the car, and he says it, and you go... Could be your lawyer. So you get skull and bones. Uncle, I'm not very comfortable with this. You should record him. Yeah, it's a tough spot when someone else says the N-word.

So this lady, you're describing exactly just a classic laser. It doesn't change your funny name. You get a little high. You got this is going to suck. It's the best.

Yeah.

Spider?

I can't believe Spider was available. I know, right?

Max Payne?

Yeah, it'd be awesome. So sick. Yeah, you get sweaty in there.

It'd be fun to watch James fire, like, he was probably, I could see he's got dork feet. He hit him and he goes, ah, ah, ah, you got me.

That's exciting stuff, man.

Who was farting in there? That could have been anyone, but Spider has my vote. Spider is a culprit.

I had to get the cobwebs out.

Oh, fuck. These two fucking guys farting. He has laser tag. Sweaty as fuck.

That's fucking crazy. Did that...