Shaparak Khorsandi
Appearances
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
Oh, wow. That is surprisingly creepy. But I don't think it is. He'd sit on her lap.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
With a bib in it and she's maybe feeding him some mashed up banana.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
If you say to your husband, right, darling, it's tonight. I've just drunk a pint of donkey urine. I don't know how much of a turn on that would be anyway. No, even for a French man. Yeah.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
Estelle, you can say that I can't. I just really enjoyed that.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
I have to justify why I said Dan, because if Henri becomes king... True. She's elevated.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
But I think she'd want it more than Catherine. But do you... Ooh. That's what I thought. That's where my head went.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
Hello. Thank you for having me back. And I tell you what, my ADHD is no joke. When you were introducing Estelle, for a moment, I thought I'm a professor. I was like, yes, these are my achievements. I am an expert and read my book, Blood, Fire and Gold, which is brilliant, but I can't remember writing it because that's how intelligent I am.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
Oh my God, I love this. Yeah, I thought she wanted that. Catherine's just concerned about having a baby and being seen.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
I imagine humanely sniffing lavender and gently tickled whilst being given a dose of something that will knock him out in two seconds.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
You know, that was my first thought. But I thought, I'm going to be optimistic.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
Would it have been in Diane's interest for Catherine to be executed and got rid of? Or as a courtesan, does that not really affect her? Let's talk about this because I don't think it did.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
It all went through that genuinely, Estelle. I was like, yes, this is me. That's brilliant.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
Another person on her side that died.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
And also Henry's growing up a bit and he's probably stopped sitting on her lap by now.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
I thought I knew her a bit, but then I was told yesterday by my history-obsessed partner, Mark Steele, that it's Catherine de' Medici and not de' Medicini. I thought that that was the way it was pronounced and that she was Italian. And there we go.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
Yeah, but she's going to die way later. What a dumbass. Is that all right to say? I mean, you know, I'm all for women, but come on. Yeah, she's always not... I don't like Diane.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
That blows my mind that Catherine and Mary could have just got hung out.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
Even with her son's new wife, Catherine was kind of pushed out.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
Yes, you can put it that way.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
My knowledge of history is so Swiss to cheese that I would have thought Nostradamus was like a few centuries before.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
To be fair, I would have thought the same if I didn't know.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
Yeah. Imagine that, wandering around. Oi, Nostradamus, can I have a cup of tea? I wonder what she called him for short. Nostri?
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
I think it might. Does it involve horses again?
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
Yes. That happened to me once. Oh, ooh. Yeah, this queen. Right, no, I didn't know, but I once had a letter of apology from someone who was really horrific to me once they'd been... lost their power.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
And she took it back. I'm so glad she took it back. Tell me the name of the castle again. Chenonceau. Don't judge my writing of French. ...
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
I've got a teenage boy who is very into politics.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
But they're quite sensible at that age.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
I'm going to write in my notebook, sad now.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
Was it winged monkeys? OK, so they definitely didn't have planes.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
Carrier pigeons or maybe hawks.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
Is it a bird of prey? It is a good idea.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
Yes. All I know about them is that they weren't royals. They didn't have blue blood, but they were fantastically wealthy, which gave them status.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
Because he was in charge of the castle kitchens. Like a sort of Brooklyn Beckham type guy, is he?
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
Oh, well, we all do. Yeah, of course. Just as king of Poland. I've been king of Poland.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
I don't, but it really seems to me, given the times, this was a literal dangling. Who could it have been back then?
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
I don't know. Red hair? Oh, it's not... I know red hair, is it? It's not Joan of Arc, is it? No. No, is it Queen Elizabeth I?
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
So she was quite a lot older than Hercule.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
We've all had mornings like that.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
Really quite something. I don't know how any of them can be bothered. Wouldn't you, if you had all that money, just sit somewhere quietly and chill?
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
Yeah. Just breed puppies. Wow. I know. You know, but the thing is with Catherine is she was so alone in the world. Absolutely. She clearly had massive attachment issues. Yeah. And everyone that was related to her by blood, she lost. So it does feel that the only way she had to even feel alive is to be powerful. That's the only way she would.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
I think I do. No, not like them. You need smelling salts.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
Like a lot of very famous people that are bereft of unconditional love, they feel power is the only thing that will sate them. And as we all know, that always leads to disaster. Yes, it does. It does.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
I shall never bring them into a conversation about Catherine again.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
That was really beautiful. I have so enjoyed, Estelle, your passion for her. Thank you. It's been lovely. And you've made me like her too. I'm so happy.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
They dipped some boobs in wine and drank it.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
Diane de Poitiers was Henri, who was Catherine's husband's mistress. Very good. Well done. Are you seeing this? Not to be confused with Sidney Poitiers.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
Her flying squadron were allegedly beautiful women sent out to hoodwink men into giving them info.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
something... St Bartholomew's Day.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
I've been waiting to say the geezers.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
It was the mother of France. The mother of the country? Yeah, queen, yeah.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
We love mother of France. Yeah, giving you 10.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
That's the best I've ever done in any exam ever.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
Do you know what? This has been so fascinating. I've really, really enjoyed this and I'm going to buy your book the minute I leave this studio. Wow.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
That he, it wasn't his to give.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
It's like stealing a dress from your neighbour and giving it to your wife. Yeah.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
Thank you so much. It's been fab.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
Yeah, you now need to go and fight the neighbour.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
So they didn't just meet in a bar, fall in love and have this lovely... No. That's a shame.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
And quite unusual for the time.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
So when you see a story like Katerin's put on Netflix and portrayed as this mean, scheming person, but you, as a historian, no different. What do you want to say to Netflix?
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
Oh, you know what? I'd like to think that he gives her some money for her independence and self-defense classes. But I've got a horrible feeling that perhaps some bozo is found. Is that am I right?
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
Some bozos found to marry her too. Oh, I wish I was wrong.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
But Estelle, at 14, I was in love with the drawing of Morton Harker.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
Between us and anyone listening, it's also the age my grandmother got married. OK, all right. So only a few centuries. Anyway.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
for the guests. I would love that. Maybe a merry-go-round. Great. And those orbs, those orbs that you go into. Oh, the zorbing, yeah. Yeah, zorbing, and you roll around in. Great. Yeah, am I right? Am I close?
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
I mean, Sheffield was not that shocked.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
Well, you did sort of preface it with be fair to the crowd. So this was at the actual wedding ceremony, not a stag do.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
I'm just kind of thinking about this 14-year-old lad who's gone to bed with his brand new wife. like, waited for her to fall asleep and then tiptoed out again to, like, lick wine off someone's nip-nips. You know what? I think it happened.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
I'm going to do that when I next get married.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
Okay, so why don't I just name that?
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
It's funny how they don't learn these royals. Just let your children marry who they want.
You're Dead to Me
Catherine de’ Medici: the real Serpent Queen of France
Also, Catherine's got no way to combat this woman because this woman's got 20 years on her. It's going to get worse. Oh!