Seth Dale
Appearances
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
Things are going so well for the Jews right now. Walk in for this feels really comforting.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
I am not. Yuck. That's a yuck. No, that's okay. We love you.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
You're not offended by that, right? I think you're just upset because you now realize we have more of us than you.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
My wife actually got me tickets to see your show in Bridgeport, Connecticut.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
We met, yes. We met. Nice to meet you. We did meet in the elevator.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
I did. I saw you for my birthday present, actually.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
Don't worry Sam is a toxic person, but the rest of us are pretty nice Oh, you know I actually at the end of this I definitely need to try some bodega cat I should go I Actually, I'm excited to see me.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
Mr. Mark Norman is going to come up and help us out.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
I'm going to have you come right over here. Yeah, we look great. Come stand right over here. Face everybody's face. All right, you go. And I learned a trick this morning just for you. Now, I have a couple important questions. What's the most important thing in life? Anal. Anal. The answer is trust. You need to trust me, Seth Magician. You do everything right, you'll be fine.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
Two hands. Sam, the best part about this is if you tell people you're a magician, they do whatever you want. It's awesome.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
That is allowed. Perfect. You can relax for one second. I'm going to ask you two important questions. First important question, what's the most important thing in life? Trust. Second important question, do you have any shoulder mobility issues?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
I know you have some back problems. It's better. Joe doesn't have shoulder mobility issues. All right, enough. Here's what we're going to do.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
All right, here's what we're going to do. Place this in your left hand. Got it. I have my bottle of water imported from Poland.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
I know you guys had O's on, so that's why I had big shoes to fill. Hopefully, if we do this right, you'll be fine.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
No, you're good. Just in this one. I thought that was fun. Place both hands on the cup. Turn face this way. Say, I trust Seth the magician.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
Perfect. Face forward. Say, hi, I trust Seth the magician. I trust Seth the magician. Right hand, place that over your head. Your head's over here, buddy. On the count of three, we're going to flip over those cups. You're going to do this because you trust me. I'm your friend. Are you ready? Sam, you ready? Rachel? Four on my head? Yeah, on the count of three. Help me count to three.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
Yeah, we're going to get to some explanations right now.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
I just want to draw a record that's not true in the slightest.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
Man, pointless hole. I'm going to need to catch up. Call her a pointless hole.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
Rachel, this is for you. Don't blink or you'll miss it. I brought a modern version of one of the first tricks I used to do. Oh, shit. Need my trusty magic wands. Rachel, did you see what happened?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
Wait, there's another one in there. I know what you're thinking, Mark. Change it back. Ta-da!
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
That's his piss, by the way. It is. I want the magic piss. Sam, this is for you. Let's keep going. Sam, I'm going to tell you the truth. The lower the number, the quicker this goes. Can you pick a number for me between 1 and 52? Five. Beautiful. Any reason?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
Perfect. Now, here's what we're going to do. I left a prediction. I'm going to leave this right over here for you.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
Just some suspenseful. Sam, here's what we're going to do. Watch. I'm going to do this really slow. We're going to go one, two, three, four, five. Actually, before we start, do you have a pocket? I'm going to give you a prediction.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
I'll give you a prediction. Do me a favor. Place this in your pocket. Don't look at it just yet.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
All right, ready? We go one, two, three, four, and five. Keep me honest. Here, I'll do it like this so everybody can see. Now, before we show you your card, I want to tell you it's not the same card.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
Because there's only one of each. It's actually your card divided in half.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
What about it? My prediction, shit, was your card divided in half.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
All right, here, go ahead. No, he was five. Take a look for me.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
What about five? You can't put an Asian girl on the screen. I want to show you something.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
We go one, two, three, four. You didn't pick four because four would have been blank. Yeah. Six was blank.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
It's blank, except for one. Joe, do me a favor. Before we started. I'm lost. Do me a favor. Can you flip over that card box for me?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
We try. We try. What about the wife? Is she going to do stuff? She is just going to contemplate that she married a magician. All right. Joe, you're not doing anything. Nope. Do me a favor. I know we might be drunk, so I brought along little shot glasses. Okay. Here's what I'm going to ask you to do. Just check out that shot glass for me.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
See if you see anything inside you can't see through or anything like that. Perfect.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
Perfect. Now here's what I want you to do. Whatever number you want, I want you to just have it face up and place the shot glass on top and let me know when you're done.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
Wait, now what do I do once I have my number? Place it on top.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
Yes, sir. Is the shot glass on top? You want to check their papers? All right, here's what I want to do. I want you to just say 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. So there's really no such thing as magic. And so what we really try and do is read people. So I want you to just say 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. I will say it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
You paused at one, show me the two. I did not pause at one. Take a look, show me the two.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
Let's do this one more time. Let's do this one more time. Let's do it one more time.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
I would rather do another Bar Mitzvah than do magic for you. Wait, wait, wait. I'd rather do a performance in another Bar Mitzvah than do magic for you. No, I'm just kidding.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
Here's what we're going to do. All right. Here's what I'm going to do. Every time, let's do it a little different. Everything I ask you, I want you just to say no to. Just always respond no.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
Do me a favor. Just go, everything I say, just say no. Or do you want to do one, two, three, four, five, six? What do you want to do?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
I heard a pause. You heard it? Yep. At three, show me the three. Wow.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
Did I pause it for you? Yeah, you did. You did. I caught it. So here's what we're going to do. That's amazing, man. You're really good. No poker face. Sam, I got you a present.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
No. We're going to get back to it in one second. We'll just leave it right there for you. It matches. It looks beautiful. That is a good match.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
So you made a two-digit number, Joe, right? All right, we're just going to keep going. I don't want Sam to fall asleep on me. If my hero falls asleep on me, it doesn't make me feel good. All right. So you made a two-digit number, correct? I made a two-digit number? Yeah, your first number and your second number. Oh, yes, yes. Here's what I'm going to do. Is it two and a three? Yes. Got it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
Oh, the notes app? The notes app. All right. Perfect. And I want you to scroll down to, you should be at celebrities. I see it. Can you just memorize who's at 23?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
Groceries. Got it. Perfect. And I want to scroll again to 23 for me.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
Now, Sam, you've been holding on to my prediction. You can just put that down if you want. All right. This is fucking wild. You have two things in mind.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
You have a celebrity as well as a grocery item. Yeah, we both got it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
Sam, I got you a present. Can you open it up for me?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
Oh, man. Oh, do you need some scissors? I do. You can punch it if you want. If this is what I saw on the phone.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
Oh, what were you thinking? That's not what you were thinking. No.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
Ernest P. Laurel. I did bring an emergency consolation gift.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
Wait a minute. This is different, too. Who owns this building? There's a giant mezuzah when you walk in. That's true. Sam, I feel really bad, so I brought a consolation prize. I brought a bunch of cereals. Yam-a-rill. Yam-a-rill. I'll see you all in hell. Can you do me a favor, Sam? Can you just take out any one of the cereals you want? Pick a cereal. Pick a cereal. Any cereal.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
Do you want to change your mind? No. Fruit Loop it is. All right, can you do me a favor? This is getting pretty elaborate, Seth. Will you open that up for me? We're just here for hours.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
He's like, go down the street. Turn in there. Pick out a dress. Okay. All right, go ahead. Can you open that up for me? And can you open up the cereal?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
Oh, that camera. Sam, inside the cereal, there should be something.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
Wow. I had a cane first. All right, I want to show you guys one more thing, then I'm getting out of here.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
Let's do... You're killing it, by the way. Sam, thank you. Yeah, you're great.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
You made those nitwits laugh today. I love it. When you were a little kid, did you ever have a magician come to your birthday party? Nah, that wouldn't be too much magic. Have you ever had a magician come to your birthday party?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
That's true, I know. Or he wouldn't have committed biological father.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
I'm going to draw a picture. I'm going to show it to Sam first. It's a person.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
Do you know who it is? It's a penis. No, it's not a penis.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah
No, it's my ex-girlfriend. Here's what I want you to do. Sam, do me a favor. Tap one of Mark's hands. Place your other hand down. Mark, did you feel it happen? They never do.