Samantha (Corrections Officer)
Appearances
Death County, PA
Hell Froze Over | 3
Should he have even been brought back to the prison, he clearly should not have been.
Death County, PA
Hell Froze Over | 3
We joked around. He always would call me his baby mom and always talked about the sneakers that I used to wear.
Death County, PA
Hell Froze Over | 3
His mental health is severely deteriorating, and we are not equipped to handle it. He was on a block where it was a lot of severe mentally ill people that shouldn't be incarcerated there, that should be going to get further medical attention, but have such a long waiting list to get help.
Death County, PA
Hell Froze Over | 3
I had gotten a call from one of my sergeants, and they were very concerned when he had walked the block, and Jamal was not himself. He was just laying on his mattress, and he was just not responding to staff when they were talking to him.
Death County, PA
Hell Froze Over | 3
You want to be like, come on, Jamal, stop. Like, what are you doing?
Death County, PA
Hell Froze Over | 3
We only have mental health issues Monday through Friday, 8 to 4. Outside of that, good luck. Better not happen at 3.30 because they're not going to come talk to you. They're going to say, just put them on a watch.
Death County, PA
Hell Froze Over | 3
He was laying on his mattress right in front of the door. I got down and was talking to him, and he just was not in good shape. Jamal was not himself.
Debt Heads
S1.E1. The Secret Life of Debt Heads
Are you inspired by Jamie? Yes. Totally. Totally, totally, totally. Yep. Do you feel like she's educated you? Yes. Totally.
Debt Heads
S1.E1. The Secret Life of Debt Heads
Hi, lady. Hi, lady. Hi, welcome to my house. You look cute. Oh, thanks.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
So my father lives in Charleston, South Carolina. He was retired military. He used to work on the weapons station. Dieser Mann hatte es immer zusammen. Er hatte immer einen Zeitraum. Er hat immer, weißt du, auch wenn er aus dem Militär kam, war er immer noch Militär. Er hat zwei Touristen in Vietnam als Marine gemacht. Und dann ging er in die Luftwaffe und verabschiedete sich aus der Luftwaffe.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
Aber das Militär hat ihn nie verlassen. Also war er immer zusammen. Er hatte es immer zusammen. Aber er arbeitete im Zivilservice auf der Waffenstation. Und ich würde sagen, es ist wie ein 20-Minuten-Dreh von seinem Haus zur Waffenstation. So he got in his car to do his 20-minute drive to work. And he said soon after he got in the car and started driving, he got really, really tired.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
He said he rolled down the windows and he turned the air conditioner on. It was also winter time. It was cold outside. And he was trying to wake himself up because he got really sleepy while he was driving. He said it just kind of came on all of a sudden. So when he gets to work... They're asking him, where have you been, because you're late.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
He ended up being like three hours late to work that morning. They said, we've already called your wife. You know, she said that you were on the way to work, that you left on time. So she's worried. So he called my mother and my mother's like, where have you been? And he said, no, I just drove straight to work. When he got to work, he said he didn't remember driving there.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
He did not remember driving. So his 20-minute drive ended up taking like three hours. And he has no explanation for where he went, why it took him so long. He didn't pull over anywhere. He didn't stop anywhere. He made his coffee in the morning. He got in his car and he drove to work. That's his whole story. That's it. He does not know what happened. Die Geschichte ist so ähnlich.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
Wir haben wirklich schlafen. Und dann, bam, die Stunden sind weg. Aber mein Vater wurde wirklich, wirklich besessen mit Alienabdrückungen und so. Weil er wirklich, wirklich überzeugt war, dass das, was ihm passiert ist. Ich denke, weil er keine andere Erklärung hatte. Und das ist, wo er hinfiel. Also für den Rest seines Lebens hat er Alien-Schläge gesehen.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
Er hat sich wirklich auf Paranormale interessiert und versucht, herauszufinden, was ihm passiert ist. Er hatte viele verschiedene Theorien, wie Portale und Wurmhäuser und so weiter. I know when I would visit, he would always have stuff on TV or he would record specials. My mother still has all these VHS tapes that my dad would record over to watch shows that he would never watch again.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
But he has probably like 50 VHS tapes because he used to record like military stuff. And then it turned into UFOs and aliens and ghost things. Mein Vater war ein wirklich klüger, klüger Kerl. Er sprach sieben Sprachen fluently. Er hatte eines dieser Gehirne, fast wie eine fotografische Erinnerung, dass wenn er etwas gelesen hat, er es immer erinnert. Also denke ich, dass das für ihn passiert ist,
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
Und er konnte es nicht erklären. Es hat ihn wirklich überrascht. Also hat er für den Rest seines Lebens versucht, eine Antwort zu finden, um herauszufinden, was mit ihm passiert ist. Weil, wie ich gesagt habe, er war Ex-Militär. Immer alles geplante und geplante. Und dann ist das passiert und er hat keine Erklärung dafür. Ich habe mit meinem Vater auf dem Telefon gesprochen.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
Ich habe ihn ausgesprochen und seine Theorie gehört. Ich glaube nicht, dass ich wirklich akzeptiert habe, dass das die Antwort war und das ist, was passiert ist. Weil in meinem 19-jährigen Gehirn bin ich so. Vielleicht. Ich weiß es nicht. Ich denke, ich werde es einfach so lassen, ohne es herauszufinden. Aber ich ging in den Bett am Abend. Am nächsten Tag ist alles normal.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
Ich bin 1994 im Militär rausgekommen. I moved back to Charleston. One of my really, really good friends. She ended up living with me for a while. I rented this big house. And this starts the beginning of going down this long rabbit hole that I have. So she and I were really, really close and her name was Brittany. And she lived with me for probably six months. And then she got her own place.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
And she moved out. We still remained really, really close. Brittany was a wild child. There was nothing you could tell me that she did that would surprise me ever. So, she went out with some of our common friends.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
I think she was supposed to come over the next day, but my friend called me and said, yeah, you know, we were at this bar and she met this truck driver and she got in his truck and she left. I was like, what? Okay, well, you know, she's probably at home. Well, she wasn't. And the next day, later on that afternoon, she called me and she said, yeah, I'm in Florida.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
Everybody moves back into the light, even if it takes them a minute. Hi, my name is Sam. I'm from Conway, South Carolina. My childhood is a bit of a puzzle piece. I grew up in England. I was born in England. My parents were divorced. I was sent here when I was four. I lived with my grandparents, who I did not know, for two years. And then I was sent back to England. My father remarried.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
I have five dollars to my name and I lost my shoes. I was kind of like, what? So I went and I bought her a bus ticket and it was for the following day and she would just get a bus back to Charleston. I went to the bus station the next day for the bus she was supposed to be on, waited. The bus got there. As people were getting off, I'm realizing I don't see her. And she was not on the bus.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
I sent her the bus ticket. She did not get on the bus. I called the number back that she had called me from. And this guy answered the phone. And, you know, hey, you know, my name is Sam. My friend Brittany called me from your number. She didn't get on the bus. So he told me, yeah, she didn't want to wait till tomorrow. She wanted to leave right now.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
So she made me take her to a rest area on the interstate so she could hitchhike. Und das ist nicht aus Charakter für Britney. Britney war eine wunderschöne blonde Bombshell. Sie war definitiv eine Reise bekommen, wenn sie geklopft hat. So from that point, then now we don't know where Brittany's at, because I'll say now it's been like two or three days that have passed and Brittany's not back.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
So now that's unusual, because even when, you know, she was wild and kind of would go off and do these things, we always knew she would always come back. So the roommate that she ended up having was a girl that used to work with us named Chris. Und Chris hat mich angerufen. Jemand wurde auf dem Interstate getötet.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
Und sie kamen nach Hause, um zu fragen, ob sie ihre Fingerprinten aus ihrem Auto nehmen könnten. Also war es so, dass sie von einem Auto getötet wurde. Und dann hat das Auto sie in die nächste Länge getötet. Und sie wurde von einem 18-Wheeler getötet. Und es hat sie gedrückt. Und sie konnten sie nicht identifizieren. At this point it's been a couple of days.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
And we've already called and we've been looking for her because now we can't find her. But yeah, the police showed up to get fingerprints to match the person that got killed on the interstate. And it was Brittany. And I think that was my first experience with having somebody that I knew and was close to that died. I've never experienced that before. That was a complete heartbreak. It's so like...
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
That person is not going to answer the phone anymore. They're not going to come over anymore. It was really hard. It was really hard for me. I want to say it was probably three months had passed. I can talk about her and not break down. And I'm finally kind of feeling a little better. I'm still missing her. But just as the grief process goes, I was laying in my bed.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
I used to lay on the right side of the bed. I had this weird black wicker chair in the corner. I don't know why. It was the ugliest thing. And I was laying on my left side, so kind of facing that way. And I was sleeping. And I woke up. Like all of a sudden woke up. You know, as if you feel somebody watching you or something. I just kind of startled, woke up.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
And when I woke up, sitting in that chair, was Brittany. Flesh and blood, it was Brittany. What is really striking to me about seeing her was the look on her face. And her eyes were really wide open. And I've never seen that face before. Never seen her make that face. And it was scary. Sie war da, und ich habe sie vielleicht 30 Sekunden gedreht. Und dann habe ich gemerkt, nein, du träumst nicht.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
Und ich habe meine Augen sofort geschlossen, und ich war so, Brittany, du hast mich erschreckt, bitte geh. Und dann, nach ein paar Minuten, habe ich meine Augen geöffnet, und sie war weg. Ihre Augen waren so weit, und es war einfach furchtbar. Und das ist nicht ein guter Erinnerung. Das ist meine erste Erfahrung mit jemandem, der mich aus meinem Leben genommen hat.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
Ist sie zurückgekommen, um mir zu sagen, dass sie okay ist oder dass sie noch da ist? Aber dann, warum hat sie so einen Blick auf ihren Gesicht? Also es war wirklich, wirklich schrecklich für mich. Aber das war meine erste Paranormale, die mir passiert ist. Well, I'll tell you, my husband can probably attest to this as well.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
For years and years and years, and I do want to say that it started after this episode with Brittany. I wake up between 2 and 3 o'clock every night for no reason. I just wake up. So, this gets kind of crazy. I have dreams about people I don't know. Missing people a lot. Mein Mann ist Polizist. Und wir reden auf dem Telefon, während er auf Arbeit ist.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
Er hatte Momente Zeit, um zu reden, weil er Nachtschiff arbeitet. Und wir reden auf dem Telefon. Und er hat einen Anruf bekommen. Und er war so, hey, ich muss gehen. Ich rufe dich später wieder an. Und ich so, okay. Es ist Nachtzeit. Ich ging schlafen. Und dann habe ich diesen Traum. Ich wache auf meinem normalen 2 Uhr morgens auf. And I felt this overwhelming urge to call my husband.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
And I called my husband and he was like, hey, everything okay? Because, you know, he told me he was on a call and he couldn't talk. So if I call him back, something's wrong. He was like, hey, everything okay? And I was like, I just had this dream that there's a kid in water. There's water somewhere where you're at. That's where that kid went. I can't explain it.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
And then there was like a moment of silence and I was like, hello? And he said, yeah, we just pulled his body from the water. I was like stunned. And this was a little kid. I think he was like six or seven. He was at his grandmother's house and she didn't lock the door. And he walked out and he walked right into a pond and he drowned.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
And then when my husband gets home the next day and he was like, what was that even about? I don't know. I had this dream. And then there's this kid and he's next to water. And I woke up all of a sudden and I just had to call you and tell you. I don't know. Ich glaube, dass ich über die ganze Zeit, dass all diese verschiedenen Dinge zu mir geschehen sind.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
Ich kann nicht enttäuschen, dass es etwas auf der anderen Seite gibt. Es ist etwas da, das wir nicht hinterher sehen können. Aber mein Mann wurde religiöser, wurde einfach anders als ich. Aber er war sehr skeptisch über solche Dinge, wie einen Geist oder so etwas. Aber er erklärt mir, dass ich mir Zeit verpasst habe. Und er kennt mich. Und er kennt, dass ich es nicht mache. Er kennt mich.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
Und er hat keine Erklärung, was mir passiert ist. Er sagt, das ist einfach wirklich seltsam. Und ich habe ihm gesagt, mein Vater denkt, ich sei abduktiert. Er sagte, vielleicht warst du es. Aber ja, er ist definitiv ein Glaubwürdiger in dieser Sache. Nun, es gibt noch keine Erklärung dafür, aber er zählt nie etwas, was ich ihm sagen werde.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
Wenn ich ihm sage, ich habe einen Traum, ist er auf hohem Alert und er weiß es.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
And I lived there until I was 11. And then I came back. And that's why I don't have an accent anymore. I guess my childhood was not great. I got shuffled around a lot. I wish it would have been different. So my children were spoiled for that reason, because I didn't want them to have the childhood I had.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
Like, I want my kids to grow up and look back and go, you know, I had the best childhood, because everybody's childhood is broken. And I did not want them to have that. Aber ich denke, dass einige der Dinge, die bei dir passieren, helfen, dass du die Person bist, wenn das Sinn macht. Ich bin 15 Jahre alt geworden, weil du alles weißt, wenn du 15 bist.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
Also habe ich das gemacht, bin verheiratet und hatte ein Baby sehr früh, als ich 16 Jahre alt war, wie du das tust. Ich bin in den Militär gegangen, als ich 17 Jahre alt war. Ich hatte ein anderes Kind. Ich war in Fort Gordon, Augusta, Georgia. Das ist eine Drei-Hour-Dreieck aus Charleston. Und ich habe angefangen, am Wochenende zu fahren, als ich am Wochenende weg war.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
Und ich arbeitete part-time. Normalerweise arbeitete ich als Waitress in Bars und so weiter. Aber nur, damit ich schnell Geld und Geld verdienen konnte. I want to say this is probably around 1993. And my kids would have been like two and four at the time. I would take my children with me and I would take them to their grandparents' house for the weekend so that they could visit.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
But then it would kind of free me up so I could work and make money. So, I know this drive like the back of my hand because I did it all the time. It would take about three hours. I have this weird thing that I do when I drive. It's kind of like when you try and beat your GPS. I knew how long it would take me to get to each part.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
I still do it to this day and I would just watch the clock all the time. But the clock in my car was not like a digital clock. It actually had hands on it because this was a really old car. So I knew it took me like two hours to get from Charleston to Columbia. And then just under an hour to get from Columbia to my home where I lived in Augusta. Because I lived kind of a little just outside of it.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
So it's about a three hour drive. And this was a Sunday. I went and picked my children up from my husband at the time's parents' home. Und es fing an zu schneien. Wir bekommen hier nicht oft Schnee. Und sie sagten, oh, geh nicht. Es kommt ein Schneesturm. Du wirst nicht fahren können. Du wirst die Kinder im Auto haben. Und ich sagte, ich habe morgen Arbeit. Ich kann nicht aus der Armee ausruhen.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
Also muss ich gehen. Ich stoppte an meiner Mothers Haus. Und meine Mutter wusste, dass ich auf der Straße war. Und ich habe immer meine Mutter angerufen, wenn ich nach Hause kommen würde, weil das war, bevor alle Telefonen hatten. Also, außerhalb ihres Hauses, wahrscheinlich 25, 30 Minuten, vielleicht, gibt es eine Rettungszone.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
Es gibt keine andere Rettungszone, bis direkt außerhalb Kolumbiens, was die 2-Hour-Dreieck-Marke ist. So I got my children, got on the road and I left in the morning. So it's daylight, but it's snowing. So it's kind of like it almost looks like it's becoming evening. It's just like kind of a weird light outside, not bright sun.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
I wasn't driving very long, but I started getting sleepy like as soon as I started driving. So I'm like, okay, I'm gonna stop at this rest area, get a cold drink and So I get to the rest area. I got out the car. It was snowing outside. It was really cold. My children were sleeping in the back. So I got a cold Dr. Pepper and I stood outside in the cold and I smoked a cigarette.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
I'm trying to wake myself up. Und das war's. Es gibt nichts Besseres, was ich erinnere. Ich glaube nicht, dass jemand im Restbereich war, um ehrlich zu sein. Weil ich glaube, als ich da war, war ich der einzige Auto. Ich bin zurück in den Auto gegangen, habe angefangen zu fahren. Ich bin wach geworden. Ich bin nicht mehr schlau. Ich habe mich eigentlich gut gefühlt und ich habe mich erfrischt.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
Und ich habe angefangen zu fahren. I think I drove for maybe five more minutes and then I saw a sign that said Columbia, next six interchanges. And the next sign that I saw was the Columbia sign. I feel like I had only been on the road for 20 or 30 minutes. I'm like confused because how did I get here? I just started driving. I have not been driving for two hours. I have not. I had just left.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
When I saw the sign, I realized that I'm at my two-hour mark. And I looked at my clock in the car, and it said what I thought, where I knew I was. The time, I didn't drive for two hours. So I was so confused of how I got there, because my clock in the car stayed the same. My clock still reflected that it's just a little after 9 a.m. in the morning. And I left at 8.30. I didn't drive two hours.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
So when I got home, my husband came out to the car and was upset and yelling and where have you been? They were wondering if I had gotten into an accident or where did I go? I'm really baffled by what happened. I don't understand. My husband was freaking out and where have you been? And I was like, what do you mean? So when I get home, it's still like this kind of dusk outside.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
Usually this drive takes me three hours. It took me nine. I don't know how I got from Charleston to Columbia. And I don't know where six hours of my time went. And he was really upset, like really upset, saying, you know... You've been gone all day and where have you been and where did I take his kids and that kind of thing. But I was like, my children are in the car and they're sleeping.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
I didn't go anywhere. I just drove here from Charleston. To me, it's still 11.45 a.m. in the morning and I don't know what he's talking about. He was so upset, so upset. After we kind of argued back and forth about it, I realized he was actually really upset and he wasn't joking. And then the phone rang and my mother called me. When my mother called me, she was, where have you been?
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
We've been upset. We thought you were in an accident. We had already called the police. Then I realized it wasn't a joke anymore. I remember asking my mom what time it was. And I want to say it was like 5.30, 6 o'clock p.m. And then when I spoke to my mother, and then I'm confused because I was like, no, I just drove right here. It shouldn't have taken me nine hours.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
I didn't stop somewhere for six hours. Und auch wenn ich irgendwo aufhören würde, würden meine Kinder für neun Stunden im Hintergrund eines Autos schlafen. Ich weiß nicht, ob du Kinder hast, aber 2-Jährige und 4-Jährige, sie können im Auto schlafen, aber es wird nicht neun Stunden schlafen. You know, and this was a period of time in my life when we were really bad off for money.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
So gas in my car was important. I would always know how much gas it took to get to Charleston, to get back. And when I got home, it was the same amount of gas. So I didn't drive off of my course. I didn't go anywhere. My car wasn't sitting somewhere running for six hours. That didn't happen. The clock in the car is still reflecting the time that in my mind I think it is.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
So I have no explanation for those things at all. My children were still asleep. They definitely would have woken me up. None of that makes sense to me. So yeah, I spoke to my mom on the phone and then I went outside and I did look in my car and the clock reflected 5.30. So I was like, now I'm losing my mind because... I know what I saw. I don't have an explanation for that.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
I have no explanation for where I've been. I don't know why I was missing. I didn't know I was missing at the time. I think after like laying in bed that night and kind of after the argument has all settled down and I'm kind of thinking, like going through this, like this is so bizarre. I don't know what happened. Where did I go? I talked to my father on the phone because they had been worried.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
They thought maybe I got into an accident. I'm on the side of the road somewhere. And then as I'm talking to him, he was like, well, what happened? And I told him, I was like, no, I got really sleepy and I stopped at, you know, that rest area that's like right at, you know, right outside Charleston. I stopped there and got a drink.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
Und, du weißt, ich habe draußen geblieben, ich habe die Zigarette getrunken, ich komme zurück in den Auto, ich bin in Kolumbien. Ich weiß nicht, wie ich nach Kolumbien, Südamerika, gekommen bin. Und ich war so, die Zeit in meinem Auto sagt, dass ich nur 30 Minuten fahren musste. Und das ist, wie ich mich fühle. Und jetzt habe ich all diese Zeit verpasst.
Otherworld
Episode 110: Never Ending Road
Und als ich zurückkomme, habe ich gemerkt, dass es neun Stunden gedauert hat. Und mein Vater hat gesagt, dass das Gleiche mir passiert ist. Das ist das Gleiche, was mir passiert ist.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
How can I help? I'm 35, and my question is, should I get divorced, or should me and my husband fake it till we make it?
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
To an extent, yes. We just acknowledged recently, a couple weeks ago, we had a sit-down talk, and we came to the conclusion that we are just not compatible anymore. We have love for each other. We have a family together, but our personalities are complete opposites. And we're just not as compatible as we thought we were. I'm 35 and he's 44. So there is a nine year age gap.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
We've been together going on eight years. We've been married for five.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
A little bit of important history is he was married before for 17 years and And he has four kids from that marriage.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
I think we went from like, he went through his divorce. He had been married. He'd been a parent for a long time, you know, and then... When we started dating, it was fun and exciting and we got to go and travel. We would go to Vegas and then we decided to have a child of our own. And that's my first child, you know, so I'm all in on being a mom for the first time.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
And he's already done this four times. So we're just in different phases of life, if that makes sense.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
No. He's an excited dad. He plays. He's there. He just has no problem with going out and having fun or doing a date night, whereas I have more of guilt with that.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
It's not that I don't want to. I just feel like I prioritize moments and being with my son more.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
Right. That's what we think we have to try to find is the happy balance, but we're just kind of stuck in it.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
He leans towards fake it till we make it.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
Because he is able to do that. I am not. Yeah.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
He is still close friends with his ex-wife. Okay. they were married for 17 years and they have four kids together and they still have this like friendship that I am not okay with. So that causes some,
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
Yeah. So we've gone through all phases with this. It's been eight years of this trifecta. At first there was no communication at all. Like I did not exist to her. There was nothing. Then we went through a phase of we'll be cordial and just talk about kids period. And then it became like, let's all be best friends.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
And that's where I'm trying to make the boundary because I feel like we should only be talking about kids things.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
Absolutely. Like she wants to be me and my husband's best friends. She texts us if she has like a bad day, she's texting us. If she just wants someone to talk to, she comes to us. I feel like she should have someone else to lean on.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
Yes. She has not dated anyone since their divorce.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
It's a little weird. It's like she's just waiting.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
I think so, because like her hobbies now are exactly his hobbies. She's picked up everything that he likes to do. She's picked up on it.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
He says, no, I've asked. I've flat out asked. He says he has zero attraction to her. It would never happen again.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
based off of her behavior because it is generally kind of a weird dynamic but i i think you're pretty good there in terms of what he might do i think so too when i put like my rational cap on yeah i do think that way it's just in the moment when she's all up in our text messages all the time or coming by the house to see the kids when she shouldn't well not that she shouldn't she should always be allowed to see her kids but like i just feel like it oversteps sometimes yeah
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
And then her taking over his friends group. I mean, there's just boundaries. What do you mean taking over? So he had this group of friends that he hangs out with where we live. And she now hangs out with them on their Friday nights. So I cut him off from being able to go because you're not going to go hang out with your ex-wife while I'm at home with the kids. Then I turn into the babysitter.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
I think you're reading it very accurately because you're saying a lot of the things that he has said. It's just hard being on this side of it.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
Yeah. And I, you know, it's just like one of those... Make it till I make it. Yeah.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
I've told him that too, that I think this phase of life that I'm in right now is a hundred percent for my son. Like I'm just living every moment with him and it's just a phase. Like
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
But what's your perspective on it? If so, I work full time and I have a second job that I work sometimes.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
The time that I have with him to me, it's hard to give up.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
It's photography. I picked it up as a hobby that I enjoy doing. And then it's rolled into more of like, I started making money with it. So we went with it.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
Right. Yeah. And I've cut back a lot. Like I've decided this summer, I'm not going to do as much, uh,
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
Just straight up personality differences. Like we, I watched your podcast with Allie on it and then I looked up our birth charts.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
And literally what him and I say about ourselves was in those birth charts. So like, I'm cut and dry, direct to the point. I'm the caretaker. I'm not touchy feely. I'm more of an acts of service kind of person and he's the complete opposite. So he is super sweet, loving, wants to touch you, feel you, wants us to hold hands all the time.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
Like he would be a koala bear attached to me at all times if I let him.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
I think I'm looking for someone to like balance it out for me almost. Because I think I could find a happy meeting place in the middle for us. Whereas he wants more of a zero to a hundred. Like he wants a huge dramatic change to where he's getting all of his needs met to a T. Whereas I'm saying like, we're a little bit too different. We have a little bit too much baggage at this point.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
Right. I think the times that I've tried to put in some effort and do something that he would enjoy, it's not like, a hundred percent there.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
Like if I put the little one down to sleep and then I get up at night and I want to go watch a movie with him, if I'm not like snuggled tight close to him and I'm sitting like separate on the couch a little bit to have some space, but we're having some quality time to me, I'm doing my 50%. But to him, it's not like you're not smothering me. So it's not like this.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
I've told him before that I don't. And that was probably a mistake. Like I'm so independent. I'm totally fine. And I probably shouldn't have said that because it comes off very harsh, but that's my directness.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
The reason that I've kind of created that, like, I don't need him in me is because he prioritizes himself and his happiness a lot, which I think some people should add to a certain extent, but like, if the surf is good, he's going surfing no matter what. He makes time to go to a coffee shop and read. He makes time to go for a walk on the beach. Like he makes his time to do his things regardless.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
I feel like, I don't know. I feel like he does those things selfishly. I don't think he's a selfish man, but I think he does those things because he needs to do them regardless of what else is going on.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
Yeah. That's what I've told him in the past is like, okay, you know, the surf is going to be good today. You know, you want to go surfing. Can you do something productive before you grab your surfboard and go? Take the trash out on your way out. Surfboard trash bag, you know, like go out together.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
I just told him that at the minimum, I just need to feel prioritized.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
We've done it. It doesn't really go anywhere because it just kind of goes in the same circle every time.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
two okay and they're both female and i told him if we do it again i feel like he should find maybe a male therapist to work with us because i feel like the females just tend to side with me unintentionally like i'm not trying to get them to suck pick a side they should be neutral but it often turns into he comes out to be the bad guy and i don't like that either yeah
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
Yeah. I think I struggle with like, it's better than that. Yeah. But like, it still sucks.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
I just wish you would find someone like, I wish you would find a companion. Yeah. And I think that would make it a lot easier for everyone.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
Not, I don't think we're there. Okay. Like we've gone and done things just her and I just to have like some bonding time outside of the family dynamic. And it's fine. It just gets weird when it's a constant communication with her and my husband.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
And the fact that she won't date anyone is weird.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
She did. In the beginning, she went on one date with a guy and then that was it.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
I think so. In the beginning, no. Obviously, after going through a divorce, I think everyone is going to struggle a bit. Now, I think she's doing great mentally. Physically, she works out every day. She's physically fit, mentally fit, I think.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
I've thought of trying to set her up, but.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
Like even if I'm making it up at the time.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
Well, I think we'll get through it. It's just my mindset with it. Yeah.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
Yeah. Yeah. I can admit to that. And it also mixes with the not being prioritized. Like, I feel like if she said, Hey, I need you to do this. And I have to simultaneously at the same time said, Hey, I need you to do this. I, personally truly believe my husband would jump for her.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
He says it's not true, but I've, I mean, I've felt it before. Like if she needs something, he does it so quickly. And his reasoning is because of the kids, obviously.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
Yeah. And reading. He does meditation. He's really into philosophy. Like he works on himself and his mind a lot.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
We've definitely been there at times where we're just like at each other's.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
Yeah. I think we both want those things and then we get to the point of talking it out and then we... get halted because we say, well, if you did this, I wouldn't do this.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
You know, like that tit for tat type thing.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
The big thing stepped up a lot. He stepped up a whole lot. Like he's, that's good. He's doing more.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
Yeah. You know, if you just chart says he needs that.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
No, yeah. I'm very like, I don't know, harsh, I guess.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
Okay. I think I can do some things to... incorporate that into our everyday.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
Yeah. She is a, Complete opposite. Like her tone is soft and sweet and she's able to like communicate and get through to him because of her tone where my tone's like a few, you know, like I'm going to talk the way I want to talk. Yeah. She's soft and I'm hard. So.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
Yeah, that's where we get stuck for sure. I think we like want to get to the point where we're both doing our part. So it's just a struggle to get over that hurdle.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
Very helpful. Yeah. Just hearing another man's perspective and how you were able to just pick up on our personalities quickly is very helpful.
The Viall Files
E935 Ask Nick - Help! My Brother Is A H*e!
Yeah, for sure. I think he would like that because I think he needs to hear another male's perspective, just mutually hearing both sides.