Ruby Cooper

And that year, about a couple months before Christmas, I called Kirk and I said, hey, your sisters and I are wondering, Christmas is coming up, and we're wondering if there's anything special that you would like to have for Christmas. And he said, I want to have sex. I said, sex? Sex is not a Christmas present. Videos and stinky cologne and sweaters and shit you don't need, that's Christmas.

And that year, about a couple months before Christmas, I called Kirk and I said, hey, your sisters and I are wondering, Christmas is coming up, and we're wondering if there's anything special that you would like to have for Christmas. And he said, I want to have sex. I said, sex? Sex is not a Christmas present. Videos and stinky cologne and sweaters and shit you don't need, that's Christmas.

Sex, I can't, it's illegal. I can't buy, I'll go to, I could go to jail. You could get a disease, it's not a good idea. No, and when I finished ranting, I said, you know what, I don't even know where I would look for it. I have no idea about this park. And he said, you could find it in Milwaukee. So. So I talked to my friends.

Sex, I can't, it's illegal. I can't buy, I'll go to, I could go to jail. You could get a disease, it's not a good idea. No, and when I finished ranting, I said, you know what, I don't even know where I would look for it. I have no idea about this park. And he said, you could find it in Milwaukee. So. So I talked to my friends.

Sex, I can't, it's illegal. I can't buy, I'll go to, I could go to jail. You could get a disease, it's not a good idea. No, and when I finished ranting, I said, you know what, I don't even know where I would look for it. I have no idea about this park. And he said, you could find it in Milwaukee. So. So I talked to my friends.

My friend Jamie, who was a bartender, put a big pickle jar on the bar that said, Get Kirk Sex Fund. I gotta tell you, that jar filled with paper money so fast, you wouldn't believe it, because that is a cause that men believe in. I looked everywhere.

My friend Jamie, who was a bartender, put a big pickle jar on the bar that said, Get Kirk Sex Fund. I gotta tell you, that jar filled with paper money so fast, you wouldn't believe it, because that is a cause that men believe in. I looked everywhere.

My friend Jamie, who was a bartender, put a big pickle jar on the bar that said, Get Kirk Sex Fund. I gotta tell you, that jar filled with paper money so fast, you wouldn't believe it, because that is a cause that men believe in. I looked everywhere.

I started, you know, I could have gotten picked up because I looked at all of the women, everybody at any bus stop, any place, you know, trying, and I thought, no, no. Nobody knew anybody. Nobody knew. I didn't know how to do this. And finally, I remembered that my friend, I had a friend named Bill, and he was a manager of the Onslow Hotel in Reno, Nevada. Yeah.

I started, you know, I could have gotten picked up because I looked at all of the women, everybody at any bus stop, any place, you know, trying, and I thought, no, no. Nobody knew anybody. Nobody knew. I didn't know how to do this. And finally, I remembered that my friend, I had a friend named Bill, and he was a manager of the Onslow Hotel in Reno, Nevada. Yeah.

I started, you know, I could have gotten picked up because I looked at all of the women, everybody at any bus stop, any place, you know, trying, and I thought, no, no. Nobody knew anybody. Nobody knew. I didn't know how to do this. And finally, I remembered that my friend, I had a friend named Bill, and he was a manager of the Onslow Hotel in Reno, Nevada. Yeah.

So I called him and told him what Kirk wanted for Christmas, and he said, hell yeah. Great. Bring him up here. He said, I'll take him to the Mustang Ranch. The Mustang Ranch, by the way, is the oldest brothel in the United States of America. In Sparks, Nevada, it is known for, you know, it's just a good run place from what I hear. And he said, as a matter of fact, bring the whole family.

So I called him and told him what Kirk wanted for Christmas, and he said, hell yeah. Great. Bring him up here. He said, I'll take him to the Mustang Ranch. The Mustang Ranch, by the way, is the oldest brothel in the United States of America. In Sparks, Nevada, it is known for, you know, it's just a good run place from what I hear. And he said, as a matter of fact, bring the whole family.

So I called him and told him what Kirk wanted for Christmas, and he said, hell yeah. Great. Bring him up here. He said, I'll take him to the Mustang Ranch. The Mustang Ranch, by the way, is the oldest brothel in the United States of America. In Sparks, Nevada, it is known for, you know, it's just a good run place from what I hear. And he said, as a matter of fact, bring the whole family.

I'll give you family rates at the hotel and we'll have Christmas dinner at my place. I said, okay. So I tell her. He's excited, he can't stand it. I said, now we gotta call my mother. Because my mother lived in Pennsylvania and spent Christmas, you know, holiday with us. And she's a little old-fashioned, kinda. And I didn't know how this would go over. And so I said, Kirk, you tell her.

I'll give you family rates at the hotel and we'll have Christmas dinner at my place. I said, okay. So I tell her. He's excited, he can't stand it. I said, now we gotta call my mother. Because my mother lived in Pennsylvania and spent Christmas, you know, holiday with us. And she's a little old-fashioned, kinda. And I didn't know how this would go over. And so I said, Kirk, you tell her.

I'll give you family rates at the hotel and we'll have Christmas dinner at my place. I said, okay. So I tell her. He's excited, he can't stand it. I said, now we gotta call my mother. Because my mother lived in Pennsylvania and spent Christmas, you know, holiday with us. And she's a little old-fashioned, kinda. And I didn't know how this would go over. And so I said, Kirk, you tell her.

And... So... So as soon as she answered the phone, he said, Grandma, you've got to come to Reno for Christmas. And she said, oh, Reno. Why, honey? Are we going to Reno? And he said, because I'm going to have sex, Grandma. And there was a silence. And I thought, shit, she's fainted. No. But she didn't. She rallied. She said, isn't that nice? How much does it cost? And I said, I don't know, Ma.

And... So... So as soon as she answered the phone, he said, Grandma, you've got to come to Reno for Christmas. And she said, oh, Reno. Why, honey? Are we going to Reno? And he said, because I'm going to have sex, Grandma. And there was a silence. And I thought, shit, she's fainted. No. But she didn't. She rallied. She said, isn't that nice? How much does it cost? And I said, I don't know, Ma.

And... So... So as soon as she answered the phone, he said, Grandma, you've got to come to Reno for Christmas. And she said, oh, Reno. Why, honey? Are we going to Reno? And he said, because I'm going to have sex, Grandma. And there was a silence. And I thought, shit, she's fainted. No. But she didn't. She rallied. She said, isn't that nice? How much does it cost? And I said, I don't know, Ma.