Roxanne

This was 2002, 2003. I was 16-ish. And to preface, I do not condone my actions of this story or my behavior at all. Undiagnosed ADHD, heavily angsty teen, anything's possible. I hated this job. I applied at Kmart to be a cash register lady. I wanted to be that since I was a small child.

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1943.27

Yeah, it's the best. The buttons. I mean, a sensory dream. So they put me on stock, straightening the shelves. It was mind numbing and I hated it. So I was always trying to like call off and a normal person would just find a different job. But I had to come up with a grand scheme to get out of this job.

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1962.201

So one day I arrived for my four hour shift and I noticed there was a ladder in the aisle, like one of those step ladders, like staircase. So I devised a plan to fall off the ladder. And in my teenage brain, I was going to then sue Kmart. Oh my God, you had big dreams. And then also sue to never have to work again. Oh, right.

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1992.565

It was so awful working at Kmart. So I'm like devising this plan all day, straightening my shelves and walking over. I'm like, how am I going to do it? So finally I decide to do a test run and I look around. I don't see anybody nearby. So I walked to the top of the ladder and I'm just trying to figure out how I'm going to fake fall. I've never done that before.

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2016.562

So I kind of kick my leg out in front of me and I go down and I start falling and I fall on the floor. My head, I'm like, okay, this went pretty well. But then all of a sudden I hear this woman and she's like, I saw the whole thing. Don't move. I'm a nurse. Oh, so she's like, I'm going to stay with you. Don't move your neck. I'm like, I think I'm fine. I can probably just stand up.

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2042.399

She's like, no, no. So she gets the manager and then they call 911.

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2047.644

At this point, I'm just like, I'm going to go to jail. They have to tell my parents because I'm a minor. So my parents are involved. They bring out the stretcher. They put me in the neck brace. So now at this point, I have to play along. So I'm like, oh, you know, neck. So they get me to the ambulance. They take me to the hospital, which is nearby.

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2073.278

They checked me out. They didn't admit me, obviously, because I had no injuries.

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2080.403

So they checked me out, sent me home. And I don't know. I was asking my mom earlier if they went through their insurance or if it ended up being a workers' comp claim. She said she thinks it ended up being a workers' comp claim. But anyway, I promptly quit.

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2098.855

I know the health and beauty aisle. So they never found out.

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2105.419

I got the rest of the day off. But were they worried about getting sued? They didn't really say anything. And I did not go through with that part of my plan. They didn't mention it. We just parted ways. And everybody was like, you're good. You're not injured. So we're good. And you're not going to work here. So that's fine. I would imagine it covered the ambulance, right?

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2126.791

That is hilarious.

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2132.935

Yeah. Now being medicated for ADHD and understanding that brain, it makes a lot more sense. It explains a lot with my work history. Now I have my own place. So that works well for me to do my own thing.

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2146.182

I'm just the inattentive type. So I could skip class to watch ER and lay on the couch all day. I got to finish this episode. Yeah. I moved to Florida after high school. Randomly one night, I just drove down with a pizza. Oh. Lived there for a few months. Wow. And then came back. Very impulsive. Did it hurt? I don't think it hurt. If anything, I might have bruised up my thigh.

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2169.939

That was my plan to tell them that I was hurt. and that I needed to go home. Once I brought myself down from the suing, I was just gonna try to get the rest of the day off.