Ronan (Listener)
Appearances
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Dating Should Be about Pursuing Joy with Tracee Ellis Ross
And freedom.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Dating Should Be about Pursuing Joy with Tracee Ellis Ross
Mm-hmm.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Dating Should Be about Pursuing Joy with Tracee Ellis Ross
Hi, Michelle and Craig. My name is Ronan and I'm 41 years old. I've got a question about that big frustrating topic, dating. More accurately, I should say how not to date. Let me explain. Throughout my 30s, I was in and out of relationships. One was very fruitful. It lasted several years, but in various respects of our lives, the timing just did not align. So we ended up splitting up.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Dating Should Be about Pursuing Joy with Tracee Ellis Ross
Since then, I've found myself in relationships that have been very clearly unsuccessful. One woman's creative and professional interests totally matched mine, but we fought constantly. Then I was with a woman who was great. Our leisure interests were similar, her family was great, but I was just not that into it. Something was missing.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Dating Should Be about Pursuing Joy with Tracee Ellis Ross
Most recently, I ended up in a longer-term relationship that my friends at least would call toxic. We had great chemistry, and I was really in love with her. But she struggled with sustained intimacy after a recent divorce. And as a result, I got myself caught in a pretty regular cycle of hurt. Since then, my dating has been a mess.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Dating Should Be about Pursuing Joy with Tracee Ellis Ross
I've been distracted by women I simply find attractive, but who otherwise clearly are not a match. And in the meantime, I still find myself thinking about my last relationship. So this brings me back to the start of my question. My closest friends are telling me the one thing I need now is to not date.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Dating Should Be about Pursuing Joy with Tracee Ellis Ross
They tell me if I can figure out how to be happy on my own, I'll have a better chance of finding happiness with someone else. The thing is, I am not totally convinced by this. I enjoy dating, but I also understand that what I'm doing clearly is not working. So what in the world would you say to a guy like me? Are my friends right? Should I try to enter into a period of being single by choice?
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Dating Should Be about Pursuing Joy with Tracee Ellis Ross
How could I actually benefit from being single if I ultimately really want a partner and family? And if it is helpful, what tips do you have to help me put this period of non-dating into practice and to make it stick? Thanks for your advice, Ronan. It's a great question.