Role Model

Sometimes, yeah.

Are you deciding to break the third wall on purpose? No, I'm just asking. Or is that the fourth wall? Fuck my life.

You wanted to play this game.

Okay, okay. No, there's not usually cameras and a group of people, but for you there is.

You shouldn't tiptoe around him.

When did you see him crash out?

Oh, that's cool. Would you consider him a celebrity?

Sorry, I was just talking to the other group. Continue.

Okay. I don't really know where to go from here.

Yeah, it was great.

I guess it's in your hands now. Wow, I really feel like a pop star over here. But we also recorded a mockumentary that we'll put out and a music video for a special song. I just really hope you guys think it's funny. I don't mean to beg for laughs, but at this point, I am. So stream Puss in Poems out November 22nd. Oh, today's episode. Well, he came back. Tucker is back for season two.

Okay.

No, I, I, I should. Right. You're a podcaster. Right. So are you, so you're going on your own tour. Yeah. When do you leave?

Okay. Well, what city are you most excited for? Have you ever been to?

Tucker, I think you have really bad anxiety.

So you had an anxiety attack on edibles.

When did you stop smoking weed?

Okay. I think I'm addicted. Do you think you were addicted?

Okay, I'm one day clean. A half. I'm half a day clean. I smoked last night.

I think we should. We should. I think we should.

Oh, where are your shoes from, Tucker? Where are your fucking shoes from? You want to come for my St. Laurent's? Why don't you tell the audience where your shoes are from?

Jake Shane Styled?

What TikTok account?

Okay, do you want to tell the audience where your shoes are from, though?

They're Loewe.

Are you gaslighting me?

I love you for your me problems. Thank you.

I think we're getting somewhere too. So are you going to go to Amsterdam? Everyone, the other people in this therapy session are nodding yes.

I am. I am. Are you excited to, so you're not going to smoke weed in Amsterdam?

I don't, like, party. Are you taking a bus around Europe?

Are you excited for the bus? Yeah.

Have you taken a bus before? Mm-hmm.

Can you poop on those?

Is that a problem for you?

Cool. Do you sleep in the bunk or do you sleep in a bed?

I don't really know what to say to you right now.

I do feel blessed. Do I not seem blessed?

It didn't feel right to do season two without Tucker. And it was a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot of fun. I love Tucker more than anything. We... I think we love each other more than anything. I don't really know what else to say. Yeah. Also, I just want to say thank you to you guys, the pussies. You really do make my dreams a reality.

It was cool. I also got my bad chat on the bus. Your what? My bad chat. What is that? It's like a tube that you put under the bed. To make it cold? And it blows hot air or cold air. So when I get out of the shower, I get under the bed and I put on turbo hot. No, sorry. I put on heat and it blows hot air. And then when I go to bed, I put on turbo cold. My God.

But I've recently upgraded from the bed jet at home to an eight sleep mattress.

what is that you ask it's it tracks your sleep and your heart rate it also cool it's cold like you can make it really cold or you can make it hot it wakes you up vibrating and it can wake you up with heat so i go to bed with it on negative 10 and it feels like the cold side of the pillow all over the bed and then i wake up buzz buzz buzz buzz and it's on a plus four plus six so i wake up all toasty

Well, I don't have the mattress on the bus. I just have the mattress at home. But I did ship out the bed jet. You know, I have to make sure Cassandra is comfortable. I know. I know you do. Did you miss her?

What do you think about? Like in your off time, like when you're not doing this and we're not speaking right now, like what's going on in your head?

I'm very open about how much I think.

I think I'm just constantly like... Sometimes it is. For sure. I'm judgy too, but I'm pretty open about it. Right. I'm not. So people just think you're a nice guy.

No, I appreciate the honesty. What do you want to talk about, Tucker? Is there anything that you would enjoy speaking about?

And even if I know it's all jokes and it's all funny, but it really means a lot to me. And I really wouldn't be here without you guys. And I love you all so much. Seriously. Tense up and enjoy the episode. Love you, pussies. Hi, pussies, and welcome back to Therapist Today. We have... Sorry, I just stumbled on my words. Fuck you.

I totally get that. As someone who's incredibly desperate, I would change parts of myself for someone.

Okay, that was nice. Do you say this to your friends when they come to you, or do you just silently judge them?

So you should say something. Are you scared that they would get mad at you?

But then they shouldn't come to you and ask for advice if they don't want to hear it.

Okay, you know what? So valid. Sometimes I vent.

Is that a Taurus thing to do?

You do like material things. Is that because I said that to you last time?

Yeah, every Taurus I know likes the finer things. Louise?

And I've seen your house on FaceTime.

Hi, pussies, and welcome back to Therapist... I didn't look in the camera when I said it. Tucker, I can't... Okay. One second. Hi, pussies, and welcome back to Therapist. Today, we have a very special guest. You might all remember him from last season or from his hit song, Look at That Woman. He also just went on tour with Gracie Abrams and lost People's Sexiest Man of the Year.

That's not... Quaint.

I'm just like, I don't know what advice you want me to give you on your friends if you can't speak to them.

Okay. I'll drink my Celsius in the meantime.

What vape is that? Oh, thanks, Grace.

It lights up.

I'll tell you if you tell me how much your boots cost. I can't. How much do your boots cost? I can't. Oh, you can't, but I can?

Okay, so how much were they? Usually the sugar daddy will send you the bill.

Oh, well. No.

No. Oh, are those leather? Let me feel.

You can smell if it's pleather or leather.

I haven't had sex in a really long time.

Please welcome back Role Model.

I don't even want it anymore. Really? No. Maybe you could cut that and weed out of your life.

Number one, I'm finishing up my tour this week. I'm going to San Francisco Thursday and LA Friday. For those who didn't see, I announced my debut comedy album, Puss in Poems, out this Friday. I guess midnight on Thursday. But yeah, if you watched Therapist season one and you watched Alexander 23's episode, you know this has been a long, long time coming for

You don't want to talk about your sex life. You don't want to talk about anything actually.

So do you want to redeem yourself? I have some more questions.

I'm really not over your haircut. It's seriously amazing.

Do you get a new tattoo? No. I love your tattoos.

Why would you do that? I don't know. I just feel like I needed to lay it all out really quickly.

You're welcome so much. Am I the problem? I go on tons of first dates. I'll focus on something wrong with them and eventually get the ick to the point where I cannot come back from it. If I find someone I actually like, they are shit at communication and only text me every few days. Help.

Oh, okay. You're way more open and honest than the last time I saw you.

What do you mean by that? What type of standards do you have? I'm so good at asking questions. I feel like I fed you that one, though. Yeah, but then you fed it to me. And you sat up straight. And then I sat up straight and piggybacked off of it. Right. So what are some of your standards, Tucker?

Do you have any friends that do that?

Giving. You could so be in Tell Me Lies.

It's a show? Yeah. You have no idea what Tommy Lies is? You've never heard of it?

I voted for you.

Do you want to see that together? Sure. Are you serious? Sure. Okay. When do you want to see it?

Yes.

Hi, puss. My roommate has been hooking up with her coworker for about two months now. I have just recently learned that he is not only in a committed relationship, but he also has two kids and lives with his wife. He comes over to our apartment. Oh, my God. I'm sick. After every shift, and he makes me very uncomfortable.

I have voiced to my roommate that it's very wrong, but she seems to not care and is just doing it for fun. What should I do? Break up with him.

Oh, I totally can. This person's roommate is hooking up with their co-worker. Their co-worker happens to be married happily with two children. And so, like, he's cheating on his wife, and he's coming over to their apartment to do it.

But, like, the roommate's like, what do I do?

You know what, Tucker? I would do the same. We're syncing up. I would do the same. My mom always taught me not to get involved in other people's relationships.

Can I compare? Do you think yours is smaller? mine is smaller i'm telling you damn so what did she teach you though like in life i don't know she was a teacher oh what we're getting somewhere what subject did she teach she was a special ed teacher for my whole life up until like this year she um what's he retired she retired

Okay, well, maybe I put in my spam email, but I did vote for you. Okay. I appreciate that. I really thought you would win. Who'd you lose to?

This is fun. Jalloween girls. Do you know what Jalloween is? It's Jake Halloween. Would love you to call us with role model for my best friend Aaliyah's birthday. Is that fine with you?

I think it would make someone's day. Hello. Hi. It's Jake, Shane, and can you guess who I'm with? Who? Tucker. Oh, my God. Tucker, do you have something to say?

Is it true it's your birthday?

Happy birthday. Can we sing to you? Sing? Okay, you ready? One, two, three, and go.

Let's move on. We can fact check it right here.

yes you guys I miss you I miss you I haven't been able to stop talking about it like forever like all my conversations have consisted of it no you guys you left and I was like I fucking love those girls like Jaloween was so fucking clever thank you I was really thinking I was like I need to do something good no Jaloween was fucking sick Aaliyah what are you doing for your birthday

It's on a John day.

Okay. Tucker. Tucker is making me hang up the phone.

Yes. So you should be very thankful. Bless you. Thank you. It to go ladies. I love you guys. I love you guys more than anything in the entire world. Happy fucking Halloween. Happy fucking birthday. Happy fucking John day birthday. You're amazing.

What was your problem with them?

Yeah.

Yeah, I was Chapel Roan. You missed it?

Yeah. Someone tweeted, don't worry. It said, therapist, colon. Don't worry. Jake Shane Chapel Roan can't scare you. Jake Shane. And then the photo of me.

Tucker. Thank you. I thought we harmonized well. Should we sing a song?

Yeah, because I'm way more comfortable with you now. I think I'll actually sing.

I know. Okay, so Katie. Yeah, maybe. Should I be Katie again? You can be someone. You can be Lionel.

And where are you from? I am from...

to prove that it haunts me. I love you. I'm sorry. You were the best, but you were the worst.

What'd you think, Katie?

Okay, cool. How'd you, um, do you celebrate Jalawain?

Thank you, Katie. I went to a family reunion and met my fourth cousin. He is from California and so fine. We ended up getting each other's snaps.

I went to a family reunion and met my fourth cousin. He is from California and so fine. We ended up getting each other's snap. That night, I drove him around and we sat in my car and talked and listened to music before our next family reunion. Anyway, we are only 0.002% related. Is it bad to date him?

Why?

They're 0.0002% related.

I mean, yeah, that's awkward. Maybe you're right.

I don't think she wants because she said, is it bad to date him? You would only really ask that after.

Okay. You want to hear about my morning?

Nolan looks.

Hey, so maybe don't date your cousin. Like, try to figure it out. But, like, if you grow desperate and, like, there's no one else, like, I really think they fucked already, though.

You don't agree?

Okay.

No, I didn't.

Ooh, look at that cousin.

No, no. You haven't heard about my full morning.

So me and Tucker were really excited to make this work. We had a lot to work out, and today was the only day Tucker was available. So you know what I did, Tucker?

Like, but if that was like my... I'm not agreeing with you on any of this bullshit. No, like if that was like my .0002% cousin... Yeah, you'd fuck your cousin.

Okay.

Okay, well, I'm just saying it's .0002% related. I know what you're saying. It's like, how did they even figure out they were fucking cousins to begin with? Like, you know what I mean?

Fucking disgusting.

I just found out my boyfriend of a year was texting random girls across the country for nudes. I broke up with him, but we still see each other regularly. My friends think it's dumb, but I like having him for affection. Should I go no contact or keep him by my side for comfort and still do my own thing? Keep him by your side for comfort and still do your own thing. That's what a man would do.

That's what you would do.

So that's about it.

You're busy. What are you doing?

I feel like they would want to hear about your sex life too.

What's the longest you've ever treaded water for? Minus seven minutes. I had to do it for the deep water test.

I took a 7 a.m. flight out of Fayetteville, Arkansas.

Who were you with? My band. Are those your best friends, your band?

My favorite place. And I woke up at, well, I actually got one hour of sleep. I kept waking up in the middle of the night because I thought I would miss my flight and then I would miss you, Tucker. So I woke up and I got on the flight at 7 a.m. and we landed. And then I got to get, lucky me, I got to go on another flight.

Do you know your parents' birthday? How do you wish them a happy birthday? I'm going to be honest with you. I forgot my dad's birthday this year. It was really horrible.

Yeah, I got that too. You have siblings? Mm-hmm. How old?

Oh, you're the youngest? I'm a baby. Do they think it's really cool what you do?

I don't know.

I forget you're from Maine. Yep. Not Kansas. Not Kansas. Anymore. Did you like your Puss University water?

Do you think we, like, outdid ourselves from last time, or do you think last time was better?

Different energy. What was, like, the energy? I kind of matched him a little more.

Yeah.

And then I came straight here and I exchanged some words with someone in my life. And now we're here.

Sorry. Tucker, like, I don't. It's hot in here, right? You don't get hot?

We're good. What are you doing for the rest of the day?

What does that look like for you?

Does he actually have dancers behind him? And I play guitar. What song are you most excited to perform? You rolled your eyes at your own body of work?

Okay. Okay, so let me, like, should we talk, like, you don't want to help the pussies with their problems.

Yep. Really? Walmart Black Friday, Deals of Desire. Shut up. Swear to God. Are you allowed to say that? Yeah, it's out. Do you think I'd be a good actor?

So is that why you don't want to talk about it? Because you talk about it on other shows.

So what do you think they want to hear from you? what do you think that they would be interested in hearing from you?

What's your favorite song to perform? Okay, Tucker. So what did we learn today? I learned that you have low-key a hard time being vulnerable. That's true. That's true. I make a joke out of everything. Yeah, you do. Everything's a bit to you. That's true. And I was just with my tour manager actually does the same exact thing. Everything's a bit to him.

Why do you think that is? I don't know. I couldn't figure out if it was like you genuinely don't care and you have no qualms or anxieties. Or like you use it as a method to repress those anxieties. Probably that. Okay. If I were to spend time.

Tucker, thank you so much for coming back to the therapist's office. We love you so much here. You're welcome anytime. I love you.

I love you too. That was hard for you to say. No, I love you.

I do love you.

She flipped me off when she saw me.

An old woman usually love me.

Do they love you?

I think so, too. How was tour with Gracie?

I mean, I got air one for lunch, if you care.

What was your favorite city? Have you gone to a show? A Gracie show? Have you gone to a Therapist Live show? No, I haven't. You know what's so funny you ask? I have gone to a Gracie show. Okay.

No.

It depends. You would know if you came, but it was in... They wear octopus onesies. Of course. Sometimes they wear shirts. Someone wore a shirt that said Jake Shainzano's epic. The Heiress Tour merch with my face on it.

You guys know I'm obsessed with pop stars and I've always wanted to be a pop star. So Alexander 23, my dear friend, finally allowed me to become one. And we created my debut comedy album. If you watch his episode in season one, you remember he brought his guitar. We sang a little to do about JetBlue. And... Like the rest is history, honestly. Like that's kind of how Puss in Poems was born.

I know they do.

People are asked about you at every stop. That's not true. Louise? Seriously. Really? Every single stop. And, you know, they ask me my favorite episode of season one, and you know what I would say? Is it mine? Mm-hmm.

You do. No, I lost them on tour.

No, they flap back at you now.

Tucker, it's waving at you.

It's flapping.

I stopped working out on tour. I really let myself go. Do you do that on tour?

Why can't I imagine you working out? That's rude. No, I'm just, I can't imagine you. I just can't. Do you run? I run.

No, I can tell. I'm not saying I can't imagine.

I can't picture you taking something like that seriously.

Right.

No, it's not. It shouldn't hurt. Okay.

Is there anything you're a therapist about today?

That's fine. I didn't think you did.

Aw. Yeah.

Okay, so this is a really vulnerable topic, and I low-key can't believe you just brought that up.

And then he invited me into the studio and I thought he was kidding, but thank God he wasn't. And then I actually, I came and we recorded JetBlue and we were like, this is actually really fun. So then I kept going back and we kept doing more. And then suddenly we had an entire podcast body of work on our hands. And I'm really excited for you guys to hear it.

Okay. So there's a sulfur smell, if you couldn't tell already, in my house. I got home to it today, and it was really jarring, to say the least.

Thank you. That's all I wanted.

And I'm awake.

Yeah, we can talk about tour. It was amazing.

Mm-hmm.

I want to know. I have a real run of showdown. run me through it um well i don't know if i want to spoil it for the viewers at home because you know comedy is all about the i just like did you see that what i just did with my head just i'm used to it now okay um i like i start off and i do a thing and then i do another thing this is the best podcast ever my god

Okay. Have you ever gone to therapy? Mm-mm.

So, like, how are you feeling today?

Okay, so do you want to be a therapist or do you want me to be a therapist?

Okay.

Tucker, welcome in. I'm so excited to get to know you. Have you ever done therapy before?

Okay, so why are you here?

So I would just like to know what about him makes you so angry.

Also, I'm so grateful for everyone that was willing to participate in it. Tate McRae, Joe Jonas, Jack Schlossberg, Snooki, and Bejewels. I love you all dearly. Thank you so much. You guys made it what it is. I'm just really, really, really excited for you guys to hear it. I'm honestly kind of nervous because the songs are true. They're true experiences, each and every one of them. So, yeah.

No, that's not what friendship is about. What about Jake has ever made you feel that way? Cause in therapy we like to get into specifics. Yeah. Blanket statements are no fun in therapy.

No, you're not the problem at all. But like, you know, blanket statements are a problem.

So like princess, what do you mean by that?