Rob Edwards

Greetings, motherfuckers. How y'all doing? You good? That's what's up. I hate going home for the holidays, mostly because every time I go back, they ask me the same shit. It's, Rob, when you going to bring us some grandbabies? Which I never know what to say to that, because I don't know how to put a timetable on an accident. You feel me? Because I'm not going to do it on purpose.

So they're basically asking me, Rob, when you going to get into a car crash? Like, it's not on the vision board at the moment. I don't know what to say to these people. You feel me? Like, what's the math on that? How would I explain it? The math, like, what's the math on that? Probability? What is the probability that I knock a chick up in a red state and can't sneak her into a blue state?

What is it? It's not very good. I'll figure it out. We'll find a way. No, every time I talk about the Roe v. Wade shit, they're like, Rob, you live in California. You don't got to worry about that. And I'm like, nah, see, that's how you build bad habits. I'm not really with that shit. I might live in California. but I fuck like I live in Mississippi. You know what I'm saying?

I take it very seriously. I have a Confederate flag in my bedroom just to remind myself of the situation I could be in. I got to pull out. You know what I'm saying? And when I'm about to come, I say, the South shall rise again. And then I pull out and nobody gets pregnant.

I don't know what you're talking about. What is it? I'm in Raven's gear. I lost. Oh, okay.

So, I hope they pick me up. Shit.

You know, I try to stay in shape.

Begging sort of. I can jump a little bit, yeah. You can? What's your vertical leap? Back when I was... He knows the number. I mean, back when I was doing like 38, 39, back when I was in shape.

Down, absolutely.

It was seven years in October. I love it.

I'm up in the Bay Area, California. I've been doing it out there in San Francisco.

Yeah.

Yeah, a lot of, you think the homeless, it's a lot worse than it is down here.

Yeah, there's a smoke crack right in front of you. So it's cool.

Yeah, I'm a plumber. That's my day job. And somebody like OD'd under my van while I was working. Oh, wow.

I thought they were stealing my catalytic converter, so I went over there to stomp him out, and it turned out he was dying. Turns out God already did that.

Yeah.

I mean, it's a lot of old Asian money in there, so I'm like the first nigga to go in a lot of these houses. I don't know. They try not to be racist, but Like, they accidentally be racist a lot of times. They don't know how to talk to black people. Like, the older Asian people. So it's like... Oh, you're so talk... You can do it. I'm not going to do it.

More purple than you expected, huh? Y'all ain't about to get me fired, boy. You are the tallest plumber I've ever seen.

Yeah, I mean, yeah.

Yeah, on-call type shit. What's your question you're asking?

Was there something that was just... Pipes will break, bro. It's, like, that type shit, so you just gotta... You know, you go in there, shit's flooded, or, you know... I mean, the worst is obviously like drain pipe. So shit and stuff gets everywhere. And then you got to go in there and fix it.

Stop flushing tampons, ladies, please. Oh, they do do that. That's the main one you run into.

Yeah.

I mean, you never get used to seeing shit. At least I don't.

Oh, thank you. I got long set-ups, so I was wondering how my shit's going to go here, but it went pretty well.

45.

I was in Dallas all week with my cousin.

Big boot.

You're talking about, like, color, race?

Honestly, the only color I care about is pink, so...

Race-wise, I don't think as long as you're attractive. Okay.

I can't do crazy chicks anymore.

Yeah.

Don't argue in the kitchen. Don't argue in the kitchen.

Yeah.

No, I was trying to leave, and the kitchen's next to the door.

Safe proof the house, I guess. Absolutely.

Mostly normal sized women, I guess is what has been the main thing, I guess. Yeah. All right. There you go.

I'm not.

Wednesday? I could try to stay Wednesday.

I got shows later, and then I got, like, court for some shit. Nothing I did. Nothing I did. Wait, you got to go to court?

I don't even know if I can talk. It's just mostly jobs. Just somebody's suing the company for some shit.

Yeah. I was there when the job was happening. You're good. Perfect. It's boring.