Remi Bader
Appearances
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
Switched to Monjaro, tried that same kind of thing. And at that point, it was like probably like six months. And I was just like, I can't I'm not going to just keeping this miserable every day that I went off of that and then gained even more weight. Like that's what that summer it just caught up to me.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
Like I just became I do believe for me and I have to say that because I've said in the past and it's turned into something else like Ozempic and those I think if it works for someone amazing great for you. For me it didn't and it was such a band-aid for me that when I went off it I got like ravenous starving.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
I didn't do maybe enough therapy or things I need to do to change my behaviors during that time and I got a lot bigger.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
So then I was on, I was like, okay, I've tried everything. Right. Every single thing in the book, what haven't I tried? And I did come across on TikTok, like bariatric TikTok surgery, like weight loss surgery. And I was like, oh, I could never while I have like this following and I'm living this life, like maybe in like 10 years if I'm, or a few years or whenever I'm less relevant, I'll do it.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
And I just think that day was like, let me inquire. Like, I don't care. Right. Literally that next because that that next morning I called my back surgeon who connected me with a surgeon that does bariatric surgery. And what is bariatric surgery? Yes. So bariatric surgery is like a term of it's weight loss surgery, but there's different types. Okay.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
And you actually reposted that video. And you got some shit for that. Do you remember that?
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
And what I would see, what I feel like is most common and what I would see on TikTok, the only one I would see mostly was the sleeve, the gastric sleeve. Right. Which is the only thing I was looking at because I was just seeing, oh, the recovery is easy. It's not that big a deal. And maybe I'll do that. When I called my surgeon, I thought it was interesting because, well, who became my surgeon?
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
He said, I explained the binge eating. I explained everything I was going through. And he's like, you can't do the sleeve. And I'm like, why? That's the only thing I would do. I guess I'm not doing this then. And he was like, basically, the sleeve is where they cut out 80% of your stomach. It's like a pretty quick surgery compared to some of the other ones.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
And if you are a binge eater, an emotional eater, if you eat a lot and you continue that behavior... Even though it's harder because your stomach smaller. It's a real thing. It's not a myth that you could stretch your stomach back.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
Right. So they're like not even a lot of people go back and have to get a revision surgery or something else or go on Ozempic or any of those things after because it didn't work for them. And he was like, this isn't going to work for you. And I was like, why would I do something that he's telling me isn't going to work? Mm hmm. So it's like, what's the alternative? There's also the bypass.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
So again, this is all under bariatric surgery. What he told me is that there was a brand, a new surgery, a newer surgery, which is what I did. And what everyone online, of course, at this point, everyone's like, OK, well, she did one of the shots or she did the sleeve or something like no one guessed this because it's not a known thing.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
I know you don't care. But I just, it's, like, I think it goes to show, like, how... the whole point of the internet. Right.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
So it's called Sadie, which is a very long name, but it's like the acronym is Sadie, which I would say is a mix of both of those surgeries.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
they cut out 80 of the stomach they move around the intestines i also was you know got with with my health issues got ended up having a fatty liver so um they actually had to like hold up the liver during that too because it could be dangerous and why even talking about this would i think that the recovery would be so simple is insane but i was told that how was the recovery i brutal
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
the the worst thing of my life like I I did the surgery he did tell me and and it's most I can't blame him because it's what most people I had a rarer situation I just reacted differently that's the point like this is my journey everyone reacts differently to everything right um and I did I did the surgery.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
He said I would be out of the hospital in a day and that in five days I could travel and like go back to my work schedule. I couldn't leave the hospital. I couldn't swallow water. I was like projectile vomiting. Like I was just like they don't let you leave if you don't can't drink water. I was so sick. I was in recovery for hours after like in the recovery room.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
No, like it was hell. That's brutal. And again, he said this wasn't normal. So that was actually making me feel worse at the same time. I'm like, something's wrong. I should have never done this. Like I literally ruined my body, like ruined everything. Um, I was home. I started like, I mean, I went home and was with my parents, like ended up going.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
I tried being home in my apartment when I was with my boyfriend at the time. So he was, you know, trying to be as supportive as he could be. Um, but I ended up going and living with my parents because they were concerned. And like, I, I was nonstop throwing up. I could not eat. And this went on so long that I got in like a very scary, like deep depression. Um, I, did not want to live anymore.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
Like I would literally just stare at the wall all day and be sick. Like it was just horrifying. And I think at that time, I, yeah, I had a lot of regret. I was like, oh my God, I've been this person for this. I've been this person that people like looked up to online for this whole time of like, oh, I won't say body positive because that wasn't me.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
But I always said if I was uncomfortable in my body or struggling, I was very open that I was struggling. But I was this person that was like, but be confident in whatever you look like. And I still do believe that. And I believe that anyone can. If you are in a bigger body, you could be happy. You could be healthy. No one could tell you're unhealthy unless you only know your health.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
And I have so many friends that are. I actually was so jealous of those people and wanted to get there. And I couldn't because my journey was different. And I was in pain. I was struggling with health. And this is what I felt I needed to do.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
I think I'm getting there. Okay. I think that... And I've been so nervous to say this of how to say it the right way, but I'm going to be completely honest. I think I still have struggles. I think we're all going to have struggles in whatever body or whatever point we're in in our life.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
Have those things since the surgery, in terms of the health issues that I explained, which is why I did it, I did it for my health, have those things improved and gotten better? My... Blood work is 100% normal. It hasn't been in probably five years. That's great. I have genetically a bad back.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
knock on wood i have not been in bed with a bad back since my knees don't hurt anymore i don't sweat the way i used to i fully got my periods back to normal um like so many things are i have more energy than ever but the things that you can't see and that's what i think right people on social media yeah sort of forget like yes you might see this happy-go-lucky girl while i'm filming this content but internally
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
for a lack of a better term you're sort of killing yourself because you're not prioritizing your health so your internal health I was like deteriorating in every way and it wasn't just physical health it was my mental health my physical health my emotional I was like completely lost myself I would look I would not look at myself in the mirror like for over a year like I would literally like try and look at like maybe just the glam I got in just my face I would not connect my face with my body like I completely just disconnected myself so yes since then I've fully been working on like
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
trying to reconnect myself like I look very different I also could not control the amount of weight that I lost I did not want to I'll be completely honest I'm probably the only person that's ever gone into a weight loss surgery but like how do I make sure I don't lose too much and I stay curvy like he was like no like after the fact and I was like I literally like have called him and been like what can I do to stop the weight loss like I didn't want to get to this point I wanted to still be able to be healthy but curvy I loved my curves I always have
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
I feel like the negatives I guess are a little bit of like I've definitely lost a little bit of my identity in myself but then I think when did I even have that because I wasn't big enough at a point to be plus size when I became online then when I became plus size I was too big to do stuff like I became too big to even do stuff with these fashion brands and designers because then I was too big like I
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
People were giving me all these names and titles of what I was, what I wasn't. You're not body positive. This, this. Now I'm too skinny. I'm like, I just don't.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
That's the point of what you said before. How the hell was I supposed to share my thoughts that I'm still figuring out with everyone else? Because then when you say something as an influencer or content creator, someone with a following, people look at it as like they're going to listen to you. And a lot of responsibility. It's a lot of responsibility.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
And I don't want to be a person that's a weight loss surgery advocate because like what if it does? What if they have this bad recovery? Like I want to be so open that I had a horrible recovery, but that I do feel better now. Right. I want to share both sides to it. I think that's important. I'm still processing all of it. It took me a while. I mean, I lost over 100.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
I probably over 140 pounds in less than a year. Wow. I don't even know.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
like you you said you were only on you started in 2020 yeah and I've always been an open book so it was like that never changed once I got online it wasn't a thought like oh I'm gonna start not sharing this like that's why people started wanting to follow me because they were like oh wow she's sharing like everything and that's a scary thing when you then change that right so you and I don't know the year you and I met I don't know the year maybe 2021 or two yes and yeah we met at
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
Now I'm scared. I'm like, what are we doing? I do feel like all of this and why I wanted to talk about it will actually be just a relief on me. I feel like it's kind of been all of this has been like eating me alive inside a little bit. When you say something as a content creator, someone with a following, people listen to you. I know, it's a lot of responsibility.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
You'll always feel a certain way about yourself. I think that's normal and everyone does.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
That's what I did. Do you feel like you owed it to people to tell them that you lost weight when you were going through that journey?
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
They're going to be like, you still let us down.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
Like, be fair. I was thinking this before about you and how when I was younger in middle school and high school, like, you were who... I would – I never followed, like, influencers or, like – but I always followed you and saw – like, appreciated you. But for me, I was, like, thinking back. I'm like, it's definitely because a piece of it, not all of it.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
I felt like I related to you and your personality and who you were and being funny and, like – but – You were curvier. And I was. And I grew up that way. So I was like, oh, wow, I have someone to relate to. The difference is that I feel is I never once you lost the weight or once you changed your appearance or anything, it never made me angry. It never made me be like, how dare she?
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
And I don't like her anymore. I never felt that. And I was trying to really think before, did I feel that way ever? No, I think you feel a little bit of like, damn, I wish I could...
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
maybe do that or maybe i could get to that point or something which is fine and that's why i said those messages i understand um but everyone has their own journey how are you going to be so harsh on someone for that and like why would i look at you as a completely different person just because you changed your body i've never felt that way and for me i feel the same like it should if you care to and everyone's on their own journey
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
That makes me think I was also very defensive when I was bigger and I would say happier than I was when I started getting in pain and got to a certain point. Like there was a point that I was like.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
happy sometimes I definitely was struggling a little but I would get defensive because I wasn't ready or I wasn't there and I actually was like no you could be bigger and be happy and I still believe that yes I just think when you feel a certain point and if you have to do something for you like why can't you do that and I also have so many girlfriends that are bigger and they're
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
Yeah. Do you feel like that? I do. I do. I feel like it's taken me a while to get here. And I also think that...
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
Absolutely not. Right. If it was true, I would say it was true. Who cares if some people like get the motivation in that way? Great. Like you're focused on yourself. Yeah, you're going to do that for me. That absolutely didn't happen. And I do feel like I need to clear that up because I did this surgery and I did all of this for myself.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
And because at the end of the day, I felt I need to do it for my health. I remember the day that I talked about when I decided I was going to do it. And that next day I sat my boyfriend at the time down and I said, I just want to let you know I'm doing this surgery. I need to address things that are bothering me with my health and my weight and told him what I was doing. I didn't ask.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
And he didn't say anything. And I was like, are you sure you have nothing to say? And he's like, I don't want to say the wrong thing. So I'm like, OK, that's fine. I then started this journey. You're supposed to also like. Be on a very specific diet kind of before the surgery which I wouldn't especially because it could be dangerous.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
I don't I couldn't can't say I did that amazing like amazingly like I was definitely more in like a binge phase like well this is the last time I could eat all these things.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
And I guess he was watching me do that and you know there during that time but he knew I was going to doctors preparing for the surgery had the date all of this. And it was around, this was all around the time that I was like struggling the most. And I remember it was like right after my sister's wedding, which was in November. And I was getting the surgery December 11th.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
the people that follow me or see me online think that it's just because of the way I look or have changed my appearance that now I'm giving this energy and it's I think the point is that it's so much more than that right like it's not just that like yes I do look different than when I started on social media and that and how I looked last year and I think it's I do understand why people feel it needs or should be addressed I don't think I owe anyone anything no but I do think it's it's part of me wanting to
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
That was definitely my lowest and my lowest point mentally, but also physically. And I'm not dumb. And I knew that there was a little bit of like, I mean, we weren't having sex. I think the amount that I would think that people in a relationship do. Again, this was my first relationship. So that definitely changed a little over time.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
and i kept asking like i kept being like or like i kept saying things and it would be like your back hurts or kind of blaming me or like or i'm tired or whatever it was situation yes definitely gaslighting until finally after the wedding i was like what am i doing like i'm i i'm not stupid and i feel something's off so i'm gonna say it again and i was like i remember we were at my apartment and i was like
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
What. Something's off. I feel like you don't want to touch me. I feel like like something's off and he's like no you're crazy. Like no. And I'm like I just I just don't think that's true. Out of nowhere he was like I'm full of shit. You're right. I have not been sexually attracted to you for a while since you gained the weight. Yeah.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
And I literally like in that moment was just like, oh, my God, like he's literally everyone else online. My parents all as much as I love my parents, like all of these people that I felt felt a certain way about me because of my body. But I was like, this person doesn't like he.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
Right. Like, that's what makes me angry. Like, you knew what I was going through. You knew I was actively. I get it. Like, that's I think that goes back to parents and stuff, too. Like when they see someone maybe hurting or they think someone's hurting or struggling, like you're going to say something and maybe you say the wrong thing.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
If you're not if you know you know I've had issues with my parents because of that and they said the wrong thing I said this is my life and I need to deal with it on my own. He chose to not say anything when I gave him the opportunity to for a good month or so and then just like threw on me like yeah like. I don't I do feel this way because of what you look like.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
Like you told me the opposite, though. You told me you didn't. And I just felt very in that moment. I was like betrayed. I'm like, you're like everyone else on the Internet. Get the fuck out of my apartment. Like I was literally like never talk to me again. Like I was like screaming. I was literally like I just couldn't believe that what I thought maybe would be true.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
No, there's no way like was true. Right. That was in November. We broke up for like a week. But he was like, you know, changing the narrative a little bit. Like, I want to be with you until I'm 90 so we could play pickleball. We don't fucking play pickleball. So we could play pickleball and have a healthy, happy life together.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
So then I started changing that narrative a little to the close friends I told to and being like, well, maybe it's not about my body. Maybe it's about health. Yeah.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
to my parents and they were like well maybe he just wants the best for you you know but that led into we got back together it wasn't like a public breakup or anything that was just like between us right and i remember i sat him down i was like i don't know if i'm gonna be able to get this out of my head but i'm gonna try because i was so in love and wanted the support during that time and i sat him down i was like trying to really explain what i never explained like i have an eating disorder i have i have this issue like i gained this weight because of this this and this and he's like but you know gaining 40 pounds isn't normal right like this isn't normal
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
Like you're full of shit. You're just eating. Stop eating. You know, like when I did that eating disorder treatment center was with people with anorexia, bulimia, all different sizes and binge eating. Like it's a lot of overlap. People don't realize that. Right. And, you know, we got back together. I tried to pretend it was fine.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
And it actually was it was me being the one a little like more cautious and him being so in the relationship. He would say things, though, like during that time of like you, I can't wait for you to lose the weight so we could actually like I could throw you around in bed. We could actually have fun.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
you know, things that I just am like looking back, you know, like even telling me like, and this was before the knowing about the surgery, like don't eat the rice on that or this or this. And I'm just like now being out of it and thinking of all of it. I'm like, I feel like I really let myself down and also let like other people And maybe that's part of the reason I shut down online, too.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
Like I was just like I completely let myself down, too. And other people have like I'm supposed to be this like girl that's like taking no shit and being like never let yourself, you know, like I let this like man make me. I can't ever blame someone for how I feel about myself. But I really lost all my confidence in that situation. Yeah.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
still want to share my journey while still keeping those boundaries on me and I feel like that's why it's like I'm not just going to give people an answer like yes I did this or this because exactly what you're saying like I do feel like happy and I do feel like I'm giving I feel a different energy within me but it's not just because of the way I look like there's so much more right that happened and there's so much more like in the past year that got me to this point right
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
I mean, now that I've been starting to date and stuff too, which I never did in my life, I hate that I have one thing to compare to, but I'll go back and be like, well, I liked that about that relationship. And then I'm like, but now I'm romanticizing something that also maybe wasn't.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
maybe wasn't what it was I think just I think I get like a little mad at myself that I'm like why am I still in this stage of any sort of breakup like I should be over it but I think the point is everyone has has all different journeys in general and I think especially with breakups like I am over that person but I'm angry that I let myself deal with those things in a relationship and being and felt betrayed by that person.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
In terms of relationships with you since you've been in the public eye for so long, like, do you feel in that same way with, like, I asked about your body? Like, do you feel that with relationships, like, when that ended with Lamar, like, that you owed people answers? Or, like, I'm trying to navigate, like, what am I going to do next?
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
I probably will... I don't think, I can't say, I don't know, but I don't think I will put my relationship out there in the way I did because then I feel like people feel like you owe them answers.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
Yeah. People weren't as like transparent online, too. Yeah. It was like photos on Instagram more. And that was totally.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
But what you're saying is the difference of secret and private like that is a difference. Yes. You're not being secretive. You're not hiding someone like but like no matter what if you are you're allowed to have privacy.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
I have another question for you just in terms of relationship. Were you and did you have a very angry stage where then How do you let that anger go? Not for that person, but for you?
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
Now I'm like remembering you screaming on TV. So was that after Lamar or Tristan?
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
Well, I've learned that you're not going to get that. You're not going to get it. You have to give that to yourself.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
No, no. I just think that that was part of me wanting to... The body stuff specifically. Like, that's what I just feel like I needed. It's hurtful. I started realizing it really delayed what I was taking. And way after the breakup. And I felt like it was... It's been, like, living inside of me. And I needed to talk... Like, I need to say it out loud. And I do feel like all of this...
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
And why I wanted to talk about it will actually be just a relief on me. I feel like it's kind of been all of this has been eating me alive inside a little bit.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
And I think that that people love to say, like, you change. I'm sure you've gotten that over time, too. And I think it's like I was fighting that for so long. Like, no, I haven't. Like, I'm the same Remy. And I'm like, but I also like, aren't you supposed to over time, like, change and evolve at the same time? Like, I'm like, why is that an insult? Now I'm trying to accept that.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
Yeah. I feel like I've had this pause on myself of like.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
I don't know what to post I don't know what to say I don't know what to do until this is out there and I always knew that I would put not just the relationship stuff the surgery that everything I knew would be put out there I didn't know that it would affect me this much and I didn't know by not talking about it and I think it's just the person I am like I still need to be somewhat of an open person that's how I am and I don't.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
want to feel like I'm living and walking on eggshells. And I do have a lot to say and I do have a lot to share while still keeping those boundaries. So I do and I'm hoping that this like releases some of that a little bit.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
Well, thank you. Thank you for having this conversation with me. I feel like I do feel like trust in a safe space with you. I think it's the who you give off as a person. And I'm very grateful that I could have this conversation with you.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
I'm like, yeah, like there's parts of me that have changed.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
Yes. I still feel like it's hard for me to have these boundaries, but I'm sticking to them as best as I can. I knew...
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
that me losing a very significant amount of weight was going to end up being something I should probably talk about but not something in the way that like it's been received online of like I need to I owe it to people I've let down women in society like all these things I mean you should see the messages I get on the daily
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
And it's like that actually makes me want to tell my story and my journey less. Right. That pisses me off. Yeah. The people and the reason that I do then feel like guilty and like I do want to talk about it is for the people that like I guess I used to be that message me and are like so desperate for me. Like, I just, you seem happier. Like, I would love to figure out a way to be happy, too.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
And they're basing that just on my body. And there's obviously more to that. But, like, I used to actually message people. I don't remember who or when, but before I had a following of, like, when I would see people lose weight or just going through any sort of life journey and look happier. And I would be like, I need help. Like, I remember being that.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
right so those are the people that then I'm just like I love to help people by just I'm not saying I'm I have all the answers because I literally don't but by just sharing my story and that's what I miss and feel like I lost that connection a little bit with my followers but I needed to do it for me like I needed to give myself the whole past year to heal and
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
Because there's just like, I feel like people just want like an answer from me and that's not what I'm giving.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
I agree. And I think that I always did it a different way, which I don't regret those things. Like even just like going through a breakup online and bringing my followers through that. Like I needed that because I actually needed their support and never went through something like that.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
But this situation, I stuck to what I actually feel like I don't regret that. And I don't feel like I owed anyone anything. I think it's more just at this point. I can't like live my life and post because I am someone that just posts on social. Like I started by posting on social media.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
I do do other things, but like if I post any video, it's just about at this point, like, well, are you going to tell us how you lost the weight? And are you going to tell us, give us answers? You're lying. You're not sharing anything. And like, it's kind of at this point eating me alive and it's not, and I had to really think about it. I just want it to be on my terms when I was ready.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
And because I want to not because anyone's making me.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
I do want to say that before saying all of this, I'm not a doctor and I'm sharing my journey, but I'm not here to tell anyone what to do. When I posted that video in 2023, I feel like that's when things started kind of going downhill with my health, September 2023, where I told people I wasn't going to share any more about it.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
that's when I started feeling it myself it wasn't just like other people around me I've always had you know noise and things from my parents telling me to lose weight just like growing up with that and you know especially as I gained more weight which was frustrating I definitely felt that from like my boyfriend at the time but that was more of what I was I wasn't sure and I felt that from like friends and family like it was like this unsaid thing I think from the start I
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
In 2020, I gained probably like 80 to 100 pounds to 2023. So that, you know, I'm not looking at it in that way. But everyone else online would let me know about how much weight I gained, which was such a like mind. Can I say a thought? Yeah, you could say anything. Like a mind fog. Yeah. And really confused me. So it was everyone else letting me know that.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
I used to. Right. I used to, I've been on social media for like four-ish years now. Before that I wasn't. And I feel like I like loved, I liked to talk. So I would do a lot of podcasts and things and I feel like I kind of set a boundary for myself in, I guess it was like September of 2023.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
But at that same time, I was actually like, I remember like my back went out. I was in bed for like a month. Like I was like if I even like turned a little I would like scream in pain.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
I would here and there when I could go to I don't know fashion events or I had friends weddings and things and I would literally bring Dr. Scholl's shoes because I could not stand in my heels and I was wearing like gowns with these shoes because I was in so much pain my knees were going out. I would get glam done and it would be off my face in 20 minutes.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
Cause I was like dripping sweat in my apartment off my face. Um, I think there became more, there was like those things, but then there became more serious things where it actually started like clicking a little for me. I was in pain. So that was one. But then like, I had a, you know, my, a constant period. And my doctor was telling me I was becoming in infertile and at 28. And that's scary. Yeah.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
And I, um, I was, you know, a lot of things like I was tracking my I was always going to a doctor. So I was like tracking and seeing kind of how things were going downhill in terms of my heart, my cholesterol. I mean, they were telling me I was morbidly obese. And there was a there was a number of things. I think the infertile thing definitely hit me. Right.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
And the literally the pain that I was in and like limping and like couldn't walk normally and things like that. And then I remember actually that day. Again, I keep going back to that video that I posted that you reposted. But that day was when I made this decision because I was like, OK.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
I don't regret posting that video. I wish that people remembered it. But people, you know, like I thought that that was going to be like my savior of like, well, I already said that I'm not going to share it anymore. Got it. But like, no, people like will, they don't pay attention to that.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
They're just like, well, you aren't being the same you. And I'm like, but I told you a long time ago I was done doing that.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
No, I've reposted it five times. Like, it's like, I'm like, no one's going to listen. Right. You're like, whatever. So that day I was like, if none of these people existed in my life that feel this way or all of these outside people, what would I do now? Right. And I already feel like I tried everything.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
I feel like it's important to say what I tried because I also like really dealt with binge eating for years. I would say like 2019 on. I always did like diets and restricted and then gained weight, lost weight. Like the typical growing up, like did the diets with my mom for fun. Like, you know, that ended up traumatizing me later on.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
I want to not hold this against you. I love you.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
Yes. So I tried a number of things. I went to a very like serious six-week intensive binge eating program. I went to... Right before that, I went to like Overeaters Anonymous meetings, which I'm not sure if people even know. It's literally like, hey, you sit in a circle. Like, hi, I'm Remy. And... I tried everything like I was desperate. You know, I did that program.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
where I was like just getting too much shit online from people and negative and mostly related to like my body and how I looked that I was like why why am I giving all this to people and like giving everyone all of the right and When, like, they're not respecting me. And I was just, like, I'm just letting you guys know, like, I'm done sharing anything about personal and my health and me.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
And after that program, which I think was the summer of 2022, it would be like the ultimate no to do something that had to do with weight loss after that. But that's when the Ozempic stuff was coming out and like people started using it. I think I said this before. I'm not sure if I ever did, but I tried Ozempic before it was even a thing in 2020 when it just came out.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
During COVID and like my doctor was just like, oh, you're pre-diabetic. You should try this. I went on it. I lost probably like 10 pounds, but I was really sick and threw up a lot from it. Like it just didn't work for me. Right. And then after the eating disorder program, I... I was like, so I gained a lot of weight from that program just based on like what they tell you to do.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Hard Truths & Healing ft. Remi Bader
And like you're eating a lot. Whatever your program is, I gained a lot more weight. So it was even in more pain and more uncomfortable. And I was like, I can't. I don't care anymore. I'm going to try Ozempic again. Right. So I tried it again. I was getting sick every day, lost a little bit of weight, not a lot. I don't feel like it worked very well for me.