Reese Witherspoon
Appearances
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
I have to be brave. And for me, being brave is like just jumping. Like I imagine myself as a little kid jumping two feet in a cold pool. And you know, once you get in there, it's not as cold as you thought it was. That's right. I also think about other people like, must be terrifying to have to stand alone in a room or I think, oh, I'm going to go say hi. Why not?
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
What's the worst thing that could happen? Or be vulnerable. I will tell you when I had no friends in Los Angeles, I moved right after college. I stopped out of Stanford because I got this job and I moved into this apartment. I didn't know anybody who was 19 years old. I had no friends. And my mom came to visit me. go, mom, I have no friends. And she's like, well, there's a girl across the hallway.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
I had to do it like Betty Witherspoon. There's a girl across the hallway and she looks like she's about your age. And I think you should just go over there and you should just ask her if she wants to have some coffee. And I was like, really? Yeah. So I knocked on her door and I was like, hi. And she goes, she goes, hi. Hi, I'm Reese. I'm I'm 19. She goes, I'm 19 too. My name is Heather.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
And I was like, I don't know anybody. I just stopped out of Stanford. I'm here by myself. She goes, I just stopped out of Berkeley. I was like, oh, I'm working. She's like, I'm working too. I was like, do you want to get coffee? She's my best friend to this day.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
She's my very best friend on planet earth.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
How do you... Half of my life is just like jumping into a freezing cold pool. Think about all the things that you have to do to just get to there and then get to there and get to there.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
It's like, oh, I've done much scarier things than introduce myself. Yeah, that's good. That's good.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
Wow. I hope I figure it out quickly, but like I do have a really good group of girlfriends around who will say to me, Hey, he just wants to be your friend. Cause he's trying to, I don't know, write an article. It becomes pretty apparent pretty quickly. Again, withdrawals, no deposits. Okay. That's how. That's how. Okay. That's good. And also, y'all, don't you feel like you have such limited time?
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
Friendship is like this very important thing, but you got to have friends who, first of all, be able to put them on your speed dial. They'd show up if your kid was sick. And then you have to be able to hang up the phone immediately and they don't get their feelings hurt. Right. I gotta go. Click. Yes.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
Literally, when you call them three days later, you just start talking about whatever you were talking about when you hung up the phone, right?
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
Maybe you just need friends who like to come to your house.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
Oh gosh. I think my friends are going to be like, what is she going to say? Random check-ins. Like not just your birthday, like random check-ins. Like you're on my mind. What's going on? How are you girl? Like that's my favorite kind of friend. That's good. And we don't have to see each other. We don't have to like FaceTime. It literally just a text. I like a voice memo too.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
I think making a lot of deposits. I keep saying this over and over again. It's really on my brain a lot. I think I'm in an evaluation place because during the pandemic, I think everybody reevaluated everything during the pandemic, right? You reevaluated your job. You reevaluated your friendships. You reevaluated your relationship, your relationship with your children. I got two dogs. Yes.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
We got one extra. Yeah. So much behavior changed in such a short amount of time. And you think about it, like I moved and I've really been, I have to be honest, like I've been kind of looking for friends in this new place I live and it's hard. It's really hard. Adult friendship is hard. So I just try and tell myself to be patient. And then of course my husband goes out and he has like
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
a hundred people to hang out with. He has like a standing Wednesday coffee and a Thursday night guy's night. And I'm like, how did you do that? How did he do that? We should get him here. He's the best friend ever.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
Or fun. We get out of the house for a minute. I just want to have some fun. And then I run back to my house. It's a lot of pressure.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
I am. I am tired.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
I'm a little tired, but I love my job so much. I wake up every day and I just get excited to talk about it. I mean, are you kidding me? I could just tell stories for a living. And it's just a dream. But thank you for that lovely intro. I'm just... you know, sometimes you're just like working and you forget that you've done other things.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
Well, I've had to break up with friends and I, in full candor, I've handled it really poorly and I think I've handled it really well. So it's usually probably my age. I thought I was terrible at it when I was in my twenties, even my thirties, just, I kind of drift away because I'm busy and I'm busy a lot. Right. But that's not fair. You know, I think it's not fair.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
It's important to be clear with people. And I haven't always been clear with people. But as I've gotten older, I try harder to be very, very clear and succinct and without putting any sort of spin or shame on it. And I think I have to have boundaries, I guess. You have to have boundaries, right? Yeah.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
Yeah, it's not cool. And I have to be honest, I don't feel good about some of the friendships that I, you know, in my 20s I drifted away from because I didn't know how to have the conversation.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
I just didn't know how to do it.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
Well, I started when I was 14. So I was just felt so lucky to get a shot. You know, when you have a dream and then you get a chance, you'll do anything. Like I would do anything to have that shot at a movie. I would stay up all night, whatever they said, work all night, you know, don't sleep or come in the next day, three hours later.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
And I would do anything because it was my dream to be an actor and a storyteller to that end. I think I endured some stuff that
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
really wasn't appropriate I know wasn't appropriate um and as a kid I didn't fully understand because the grown-ups in charge told me it was okay now that I'm older and I look back on it um I think god I was part of a system that had no rules and and still a lot of entertainment industry doesn't have a lot of rules there's some really loose stuff going on you know and um
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
And I think, I think what I did with that and those memories, cause they kind of came up for me around 2017, like really strongly around all the cases that came out. And I don't even want to say these people's names because they don't deserve us to say their names. But you know, who abused women in my industry and I got so charged by it. And I think I, I'd already started Hello Sunshine.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
And I'm like, oh, that's so nice.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
So it's somewhere underneath. I was already like, I have to leave this business a better place than the way I found it. Because I don't want the next young Reese to have to go through what I went through. I want her to feel safe. Just because she wants to be an actress doesn't mean she deserves to be treated poorly, talked down to, sublimated, paid less.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
Um, and, and told that she doesn't matter and to shut up, shut up and be quiet was a lot of what we were told during 2017. When times have started, I actually started sitting in circles with women who had done what I frequently were the only woman on set, especially for a lot of us who came up in the nineties. I was the only girl on set a lot of the time and a little girl too.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
I'd have a caregiver, you know, rehearsals and things would happen. And I got to sit with other women, had similar experiences. And it was such a healing moment for me to know that like all of them had felt that way. All of them had been treated that way. And collectively we weren't going to do it anymore. We were going to stand up for people and we were going to lock arms with each other.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
And we were going to protect women in our industry and other industries. And that was a really meaningful time for me, 2017, when we all went to the Golden Globes and were black. Yeah. Because we know... The majority of the money that's made off of the red carpet photos is off of the women and their dresses and their clothes. It was a sign of solidarity. It was a sign of understanding.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
And it was also just the sign that we were all talking to each other.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
There's nowhere to hide anymore. And I've had girls call me and say, I need to talk to you about something that happened over here on this side. I need you to call this person, that person. And we do it. And I want to say, I do want to say something. There were incredible male allies. They didn't come forward. They didn't make it about them. They didn't put a badge on themselves.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
They just did really, really impactful things behind the scenes. And I will be forever grateful.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
Well, also someone's bad behavior doesn't get to steal your dream. When bad system doesn't get to stop you from becoming Abby Wambach, you don't get to stop me. You don't get to make the rules of my life.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
And if I have to quietly work inside a system that does not make room for me to be a leader, like there was room for me to be a white blonde lady in a movie, but was there room for me to be a leader? I wouldn't say when I started, no.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
And then to step into a little more power, a little more, I have trouble with the word power, but a little more responsibility, a little more leadership, the ability to control my own material, to give thoughtful filmmakers and female writers an opportunity to tell their story in their own words. You can't take that from me. Just because your system doesn't allow it, I'll make it happen.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
I mean, I feel lucky that in this lifetime, honestly, I can't believe it happens sometimes I pinch myself. Like it makes me want to cry. Like when we, when we sold hill sunshine, I just sobbed y'all. I just sobbed and sobbed because it wasn't about the money. It wasn't, I didn't, I didn't need that. Right. For me, it was like women matter.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
And women's stories matter. And that's my life mission, right? It's not about me needing an award or a thing. I mean, they're all very nice. I really appreciate them. But what my life work is, when my life purpose lined up with my work and suddenly I was doing this work that changed other women's lives and I got calls. that were like, I could afford a house for the first time in my life.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
And my, my kids going to college, I have economic stability because you picked my book club book. That's the stuff y'all where I pinch myself. And I think I am so lucky on this earth to be able to take what I was given and then just move it over there. Right.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
I mean, luck is one thing.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
That's such a good question. I sit sometimes in those board meetings, those tables, and And I watched the way people behave. I think in my 20s, I would have tried to emulate their behavior. But now I bring myself to it. And I think there's a reason I'm there. I was uniquely chosen to be there at this moment in time. And that my perspective as a woman, as a mom, as a consumer of media matters.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
The way I watch my teenagers and what they're interested in versus what a boardroom full of people think is important. Women just inherently have this incredible knowledge base, right? But we're not empowered to use it in the right way. We're certainly not chosen to be on boards and to run companies. And if we are, the glare of the spotlight is so harsh and so...
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
difficult for female CEOs and women in the C-suite. It's tough, but I think I'm going to show up with my whole self and hopefully create value for everybody here, but also create space for more women to sit in these seats, you know? And do it as you. But it's not what I thought I'd be doing. I never thought I'd be doing this. I grew up in the corporate world. I don't
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
lines, but I've been in the business for 30 years and I've watched what works. I know what stories work. I can read a book and I can tell you that's a good movie. That's not going to be a movie. And I can tell you exactly which studios will buy it and who's not interested. And I can say, okay, that's going to be a TV show. That's a movie, but that's a podcast.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
I just know from copious amounts of reading and understanding and analyzing the business. I don't think I felt empowered until I met my husband and he said, And I was so frustrated about women not having better parts and better scripts. And he's like, babe, you read more than anybody I know. Literally, you tear through books. Why don't you just buy some of them and start developing them?
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
And I was like, I guess I can. And I said, should I do it with a studio? It's like, no, self fund yourself. Like he just gave me incredible amounts of support, but also business acumen. Half the time I say stuff that he says, I'm sure everybody's annoyed with me. We do that too.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
But I can see it between y'all too. I mean, even when I, Abby, the Wolfpack speech, I was like, oh, stuff in there feels like Glennon. But then that's so Abby. And I love that speech. The metaphors in it are so beautiful. And I think great partnership is about what you pull from each other, what you love about your person, what they see in you, you don't see in yourself.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
And I'm telling you, he is my number one fan. He's like...
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
Oh, the whole freaking world. No, I haven't really told anybody that, but I made a pact with myself not to film anything for nine months. And that's really hard for me. And I know that sounds like, Oh, nine months. Like that's really hard for me. I have a very busy brain. I like to have that sense of accomplishment. I like to be on set.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
My girlfriend goes, I really like it when you're not doing acting and filming. And I was like, But I love it. She was like, no, I know you like to do what you do. But it has been a challenge for me. But it was a challenge where I wanted to get quiet. And you can't find your next steps forward when you're racing around and making yourself busy and not giving yourself space to think about, who am I?
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
What do I want next? What does the next chapter of my life look like? It's huge. I feel... I have time and space to do it. And a lot of times when I feel uncomfortable, I just go to work. Yes. I gotta not do that. I gotta not do that.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
I love your dorky self. It makes me so happy because I'm just such a huge dork. When I love people, I just, it comes out of my face, out of my body, out of my arms. I just, I like explode with joy and love for people.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
And it's a lot. It's a lot to deal with.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
Oh, gosh. Well, even when you just said that, it kind of brought tears to my eyes thinking about when I was 22 and finding out I was pregnant. And I remember reading Love Warrior and just feeling like, oh, my God, I had all those feelings. I was so scared. I was so scared. And like not knowing what to do and not knowing what it was going to do to my career. And I had people in my ear going.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
I don't know.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
I kind of do. Exactly. I think I'm too much.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
Please say that again.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
Why are we told that? That was untamed for me was this unlocking of... All of the constructs that don't hold water for me anymore, this idea of the perfect woman or the perfect, yet showing up in society with everything that is weighing down on us, it's just crushing. You understand why women are burned out and tired and don't feel appreciated because we're always told we're not enough.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
I think we're always told we're not enough or sit down and shut up. That's right. Mm-hmm.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
But Abby, let me ask you this. You never get in a conversation with somebody. You have like a heated argument with somebody or a really passionate argument and you never sleek away going, God, I wish I hadn't said all that.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
Yeah, I think the reason, I think there's a million reasons why she resonates with people, right? Her drive, her ambition, her determination. you know, beyond what people thought of her. But I don't think there's a person on earth who hasn't felt underestimated.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
It was really important to me as we were building that story that we have this scene with her mom and dad where her dad says, honey, you can't go to law school. That's for boring, boring, ugly people. Yeah.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
And then her boyfriend dumps her and says, what are you doing here?
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
You don't belong here. Everyone has felt that need to prove yourself, to value yourself. I still think about that movie and how it kind of stands alone in a genre. Yes, it does. And it's odd. It's really odd, right? That there haven't been more films about a woman with ambition accomplishing something. Well, then I look at Tracy Flick, which is the other side of that, right? Exactly, yes.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
And she's reviled for being ambitious, right? One is perceived as stupid and one is perceived as a shrew or overly ambitious. But it's interesting. I mean, there's a whole spectrum of female behavior that we haven't seen on film, really, because women aren't telling the stories. I don't know. I really, I love Elle Woods for what she brings to people. Can I tell you one funny story?
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
I don't know. I don't know what you're doing. And just having to make a decision or making choices when you're that young and you don't know who you are yet. I think back about it a lot. I think back about how I got through having a newborn when I was 23 years old and my friends were partying and going to clubs. And I was...
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
So I got, so I was... I got divorced. I was about 31 or 32. And I was in that weird state after my divorce where I was like floating, you know, like, who am I? Where am I?
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
I had two little kids and I was like, oh, what am I doing? And I got called for jury duty.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
I go to jury duty. I'm thinking, they're not going to pick me. Like, why would they pick me? Goes to the first day and they ask me all these questions. They're like, no, juror number 11, sit back down. You need to stay. I'm like, stay?
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
And then I'm like, okay. And then I'm like on the phone crying to my girlfriend and they're like, juror number 11, you've been selected for the jury. Oh my God. It was a five day trial. No, I was there every day from eight o'clock to three o'clock. No, like a little break at lunch with all my fellow jurors.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
And we went on the last day into deliberations to decide whether or not this woman was guilty of this crime. And They said, well, we have to pick a foreman for the jury. And literally all of them turned and pointed at me and said, you're going to be the foreman. And I said, me? Why am I going to be the foreman? They said, because you're a lawyer.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
No. No. I knew exactly where this was going. Nope. Elle Woods is in the room. Elle Woods is on the jury. My God. But let me tell you something. It made me think.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
If you could call for jury duty, you better show up. Because if any one of us is on trial, you want nice, thoughtful people in those juries? Yes, that's right. Because people did not understand the law. And I only knew enough about the law for being Elle Woods that I was like, no, no, no. You don't get to say guilty or innocent. You have to say if the lawyer proved it or not.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
You don't get to say, because one of them goes, she looks guilty. No. I was like, that's not how this works.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
Like it's hard? Jury duty? Yeah. Oh my gosh. Guys, I'm not even kidding how many letters I get from girls who say I went to law school because of you. Wow. In other countries. I went to this thing in Washington, D.C. and it was 200 female judges from around the world. And we were all speaking in front of them. It was so moving and emotional that I gave a speech and they were clapping so much.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
And these girls... came over and they were from China, these 10 girls. And he said, we went to law school because of you. That's amazing. The power of media and film. That's right. Every time I get tired, I think when people say, oh, you're so busy, you're so busy. We're making up for thousands of lost stories. That's right. Years and years of our stories not being told. So good.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
When I look at my friend Ava DuVernay or Mindy Kaling or Tracee Ellis Ross or Kerry Washington, and we are working our tails off just to get these stories on film because we're making it for lost time and lost stories. And I think it's going to be amazing to see what the next generation feels inspired because there's been a lot of paths cut just in this past 10 years.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
taking her to preschool and putting her in the car seat and pushing her around the grocery store and just talking to her. Like I talked to her all day and I read to her all day and I sang to her all day. And she was my little best friend. But it was lonely. It was really hard and lonely. I was living in LA. I didn't have any girlfriends. I don't have a sister.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
It's okay. I haven't been bored in a long time. But one thing that has just given me pure joy and energy is I paint with my mom on Tuesday mornings. She has this little group of, they're 80, between 75 and 80 years old, there's five of them. And we do watercolors. And for three hours, no one looks at their phone. They literally just eat cookies, have coffee and do watercolors. And it's a delight.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
I mean, she's the love of my life. That's what I did while that was like all about her mother being the love of her life. And my mother is just the greatest love.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
I love you guys. Thank you for saying that. And I love you guys so much. Honestly, every time I see you, I just... just have joy bursting out of my face. Just allow me to hug you and tell you, thank you. Thank you for making me feel brave and seeing.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
My mom had a full-time job as a nurse. She couldn't leave her job in Nashville. And so I was just looking, searching for community. And I found it through this group of women at like a Mommy and Me yoga class.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
And I clung to these women. I just clung to them. These women put their arms around me. They called me every week to see how I was doing. They called me late at night to see if the baby was sleeping. And I have to say, I think I've always felt great comfort in female friendship and female partnership because I couldn't do it without the amazing women in my life.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
I'm so needy.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
My cup runneth over with need.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
I'm like a black hole of need. Yes. It just keeps sucking in. And mainly of like female friendship. I just need it so badly.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
I was talking to him about, first of all, it's so cute. We talk about y'all all the time, my husband, my son, because we are obsessed with soccer. They watch soccer all day long. So mainly we talk about Abby. Yeah, I feel you. Same.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
And then they're like, mom, who's Glennon? Abby's wife. Yeah.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
Um, but oh my gosh, we were talking about Abby's stats in the car to my son and how important it was that that decision, um, to equally distribute the money of the U.S. soccer team between the men and the women's teams. And why does it matter? And so then we looked up your stats and your stats were like insane and so cool.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
So I just told him, I was like, oh, I'm going to talk to Abby. And he was like, what are you guys going to talk about?
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
You know, our feelings. He was like, why would you want to talk about that? That's right. That's what we do here. First of all, I say to my husband a lot, I thank God that Glennon Doyle is in the world. I thank God that Cheryl Strait is in the world, that Liz Gilbert is in this world.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
And I'll include Ann Patchett and a whole other group of people who, when I don't know where to turn, I look at your writing and your books and it just grounds me and makes me feel like I'm not alone anymore. And that everything that I've been pushing forward towards, which is sometimes exhausting, you know, and it sounds like everybody you talk to, I was listening to your podcast with Bose.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
It's tiring to push a rock up a hill, you know, and have it roll back on you all the time. And then, but sometimes you get a gain and then you're like, we got a gain. And then sometimes you get a loss and you're like, oh my God, am I going to push that rock again? Jesus, I can't. And I cry a lot. Yeah.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
But I was telling my husband about something in Love Warrior that really resonated with me, and it changed the way I am a friend, which was you describe telling your story to different people and the different responses that they have. One is the fixer. One is the shover. One is the comparer. And it was the light bulb for me that...
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
I can't remember which one I used to be, but I was definitely one of those people who was like, not this too shall pass. But I was like, well, you know, I've got an incredible therapist or, you know.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
And I just think, gosh, if I could just help, then everything would be better. But it really spoke to me that part of that book that was about actively listening as a friend, sitting in quiet, understanding, sitting next to someone or hearing them or really seeing them is so much more valuable. I just never saw anybody describe it that way. And it was really a revelation to me.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
No, you didn't. They'd probably be like, you travel too much.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
Friendship is so much, but it's a deposit and a withdrawal system. I think about that a lot. You can't take a withdrawal if you haven't made a deposit.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
And I think about that a lot because, you know, I think people in my position and y'all's position, it's like, there's a lot of people who want to withdraw. There is. And people who have bright light or energy or caregivers or are caretakers, they give, they give, they give, right? But you got to make sure someone's putting a deposit into your friendship.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
And then every once in a while, re-evaluate. Is this more withdrawal than deposit? Where is the balance here?
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
Gosh, I feel like it's a very similar thing. It is, right? I can look at a group of people and... I just know the two or three people I'm supposed to get to know better. It doesn't mean that we're going to have this incredible connection, but I watched the way people interact with people, their use of language. I think it's really important to me because I'm a words person looking at that.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
Are they here to withdraw or deposit or stay neutral? This is a funny story, y'all. I trained for this movie where I played a NCAA championship softball player. don't laugh.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
I had this really great coach and she was like a 12 time NCAA champion coach. And I thought, well, first of all, anybody who's had coaching at that level, just the positivity that they put in these young athletes is incredible. I thought if I'd had that when I was 22, I wouldn't have to read a hundred self-help books. I read a hundred self-help books when I was 20, 22, 23.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
And she said something really smart about friendship. Her name is Coach Inquist. Do you know Coach Inquist? Yeah. She's amazing. And she said, Reese, you're going to meet three different kinds of people in life. third of the people are going to lift you up. They're going to believe in your dreams. They're going to encourage you. You're going to encourage them.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
And a third of the people are going to be totally neutral. They're just neutral. And you don't care about them. They don't care about you. No harm, no foul. And then the other third are going to try and drag you down.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
actively, whether they know it consciously, unconsciously, they are here to pull people down and they're going to try and pull you down. And she was like, avoid the bottom third. Yeah. And I talked to this, like my kids about it all the time about finding friendships that lift you up, see you care about you care about your children, care about your mom and your dad and your family.
We Can Do Hard Things
Reese Witherspoon on Friendship: What, Like It’s Hard? (Best Of)
Um, you know, try and bring and attract those kinds of people in your life. And avoid those bottom third. Because they're coming for you, man. They're coming for your light and your energy. Yes. Yeah. It's really good.