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Appearances
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Friday 2024
That's my childhood nickname I got when I was about 10, 11 years old. What instigated that nickname? Probably derived from my last name. It's an Italian last name, so they just kind of shortened it up a little bit.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Friday 2024
Even my parents called me that when I was a kid. It's a good nickname.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Friday 2024
I do gym also. I mean, this job will keep you young, that's for sure.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Friday 2024
I'll listen to your grandpa. I love grandpa stories.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Friday 2024
Right. It was a different generation back then. You know, they all worked hard like that.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Friday 2024
Probably keep that under wraps. Okay, great. Because I'm taking a little lunch break. We'll just say one of the big three delivery companies.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Friday 2024
150, 160 a day, somewhere around there. Plus business is tied in. It's a busy business.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Friday 2024
It's a great job. I love the physicality of it. I love that there's not a boss with you all day. They leave you alone for the most part, unless you're fucking up.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Friday 2024
Well, you know what? On my old route, which I loved, I was there for 18, 19 years. It's a little small town. I knew everybody. It was great. This guy would give me a $20 bill every time.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Friday 2024
You can sit there and try to reject it. He would just be like, I don't want it. You take it. Super nice dude. But yeah, we get tips every once in a while. Christmas time, especially people give gift cards and leave snacks out on the porch. Whoever's out there, listen, leave snacks out for the Christmas. We appreciate that kind of stuff.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Friday 2024
Yeah, I have a lot of them, but yeah, one is crazy. It was about 10 years ago in a rural part of Ohio, you know, on a back road. I found a guy dead outside of his house.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Friday 2024
He lived on this back road, and when you'd pull up to his house, he had a long driveway that went down in. He had a camera up top. By the time he got to the back of the truck and grabbed the package, he would have already walked up the driveway. And then by the time he got out, you just handed it to him, and he went on his way, and then I would go on my way.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Friday 2024
So that's probably the 10th, 15th time I delivered to him, I'd pull up there. You know, he doesn't show up, so I'd give a little double tap on the horn, give him a little bit of extra time. And this guy's a hoarder. He's got a lot of junk and a lot of stuff, and you can't even see the house from, like, the top of the road.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Friday 2024
So when he doesn't show up, I'm sitting here going, well, I'll just fucking walk this thing down. So I'm heading down the driveway and my head's on a swivel because this guy's got so much junk. And the first thing I'm thinking about is if who's got this much stuff, he's probably got a dog to protect it. You know what I mean? I don't want to get bit. I'm on high alert.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Friday 2024
It's like sensory overload at this point. It's like November. So it's cold in Ohio and all the leaves are off the trees. It's kind of eerie, you know, walking down this drive.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Friday 2024
For sure. Yeah. So I'm walking down there and I hear this radio playing from the house and it's 150, 200 yards away. So I don't think anything of it. I'm walking down there and the leaves are swirling and shit. It's just a creepy atmosphere. I get down there and I see this guy laying outside. It's like by a workbench. Blue collar people are always tinkering outside.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Friday 2024
So I don't think anything of it. And so I yell his name out and he doesn't respond to me. And I'm like, well, maybe you can't hear because of the radio's on. I'm getting closer and all I see is his legs sticking out from this workbench.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Friday 2024
Oh, no. So then I'm like, either this guy's dying right now or he's already dead.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Friday 2024
Yeah. And then it's swirling. You're like, well, what the fuck do I do? I might have to save this guy's life. You know, I was a Boy Scout when I was a kid. I took a lifeguard class on a CPR, but that shit goes right out the window. So I get closer and get closer. This is where it gets fucked up. Wait, this is where it gets fucked up.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Friday 2024
So he's got a lot of cats. I mean, they're everywhere. Top of the roof of the house. They're in like broke down washer and dryer that's in the yard. Wow. And they're all doing this weird meowing and shit. And I'm just like, what the fuck? So as I get closer, I definitely realize that he's dead. And when I get closer, the cats are up by his head and they are chewing. No! No! This is what's crazy.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Friday 2024
The day I responded, am I allowed to name drop the lady that got a hold of me through the email? Yeah, Emma. Okay. Props to Emma. Big props.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Friday 2024
Absolutely. She did a great job. So... When I'm responding to this email, I like Theo Vaughn. A little quick thing pops up on my phone about him. And it's about cats will eat their owners if they die inside the house.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Friday 2024
Yeah, he goes, they won't even wait. They'll just start. So I get up there. There's probably five to ten cats up there.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Friday 2024
I just got like a brief look because I didn't want to see anymore, you know, and I could see what they were doing. And it just wasn't pretty. And I kind of like, you know, clap my hands a little bit. Just make them scatter. Shoot, scram, scram. And they did to a degree. And then at that point, I'm like, well, what the fuck do I do now? And I was like, well, I'll probably call the sheriff.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Friday 2024
Being in November, it was probably like 40-some degrees, so it probably preserved the body a little bit. And so when the sheriff showed up, or the deputy, he comes down. I don't mean to think this is funny, but he walks up and he goes, yep, he's dead. Oh.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Friday 2024
And so he said it was probably a few days he was out there. You know, if this was August, you probably would have smelled him from the top of the driveway.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Friday 2024
Probably mid 60s, somewhere around. He was an older gentleman.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Friday 2024
I'm thinking he had a heart attack and then just felt dead on the spot. Because I didn't want to touch him either in case something crazy did happen. Somebody showed up, murdered him.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Friday 2024
I do. That's why I've done it for so long. There's always something new around the corner that you've never seen. Whether it pisses you off or you're like, wow, that was pretty fucking cool.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Friday 2024
I've heard it, but I've never really seen it. I mean, I've had people open the doors, snake and shit. It's always usually the dudes that do it.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Friday 2024
It is a real problem. Answer the door like an adult.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Friday 2024
No, thank you guys so much. You guys made this easy. And also another thing, you know, when I was going through that whole story, props to EMTs and shit that have to deal with that stuff on a regular basis to keep their cool. Shout out to those guys for sure.