Rachael Kirkconnell
Appearances
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
yeah not not be together how did you feel about all that and like how was it articulated to you it hurt because it felt like he was doing it for others and not for himself it felt like he didn't want to not be with me and he did want to be with me but he just felt so much pressure and
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
from everyone yeah to not be with me and so even to this day like I think a lot of people have a lot of opinions on that like what was the right decision if he should have stood by me or not and I never held that over his head I never will hold that over his head because I don't know how he felt in that situation and I never will understand and um
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I know that he thought he was making the right choice and the right decision. And I'll stand by him, you know, forever with that. That was okay. As much as it hurt. It was, yeah, one of those things where I'm like, you know what, you do need to do what's best for you in this situation. And I understand.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
So I was definitely shocked when he broke up with me only because we were very happy together, even with all of the chaos around us. When it was just me and him behind closed doors, it was amazing. It was so much fun. We were so happy when we decided to not let the outside noise get to us. So I don't know. It was one of those things where we broke up and he said we're broken up.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
But we did still talk like every single day. I think we went like a few days without talking at first when we first broke up. Um, and then after that, it was one of those things where we just started slowly speaking again. And it was one of those things for me where I was like, are you happy? Like, are you happy with this decision?
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
Like, do you think that you'll be okay moving forward without, you know, at least just seeing if this is real, like we both think it is. Yeah. And, yeah, we slowly just started talking again. And I think after the final episode aired and. There was a big group that was mad that we weren't together. Like there was, of course, the people that were like, you know, good job. Yes.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
Shouldn't be with her. But then there was this group after the finale because there was a lot of speculation, but no one was 100 percent sure if we weren't together or not until he said on the show. So. I think when we saw how many people were like, you should just be together. Like, what the heck?
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I think we both had to sit down and have this conversation of like, okay, let's put all of this outside noise aside. Let's put everyone aside. What do we want? Like, how do we feel? And we just came to the conclusion that we really do love each other and we really do want to make this work or at least give it a chance. Like, let's give it a fair chance, even with all the craziness. And we did.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
Just some, you know, the filled out the online thing and I got a call. I was grocery shopping. It was like middle of COVID. So I'm getting this call from a random L.A. number and I'm like, that's so weird. Like who's trying to reach out to me right now from L.A.? But I was grocery shopping, so I didn't answer. Got a text from the same phone number. Didn't open the text. I was like this.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
Like, what was the... We never really discussed that, I think. Like, I was barely getting out of bed, let alone dating other people. Like, I was just so not okay, and I just wanted to be with him to where... dating that was just like so out of the question for me like that wasn't even a thought i had in the back of my mind and i felt like when we were talking
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
We never discussed it, but I felt like things that he said and, you know, us talking every day, it seemed like he wasn't either. But that was not the case. He definitely was. And that's okay because we were broken up. I just wish I knew. Yeah. How did you find out? Because I found out via... Reality Steve.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
Well, he contacted my, well, now she's my sister-in-law, but she, or Reality Steve contacted my brother's girlfriend at the time. And she told me, and I was with Matt. What did he say? So he basically said that there was a girl that reached out to him saying like, you know, Matt and me have been speaking. He's been trying to get me to come over and hang out. And
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I just saw that him and Rachel were seen together in New York when he was literally just trying to hang out with me like two days prior. And I don't think she knows. So I just want her to know. And so I was given that information. And I was just I was really, really upset just because I felt like. It was definitely kept a secret from me.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
He technically didn't lie because I never asked, but at the same time, I never would have... Well, maybe he did lie a little bit. Now I'm trying to think about it. Maybe there were some lies in there. Because I was very, very, very upset when I found everything out. And I just remember telling him that he lied to me. So with all of that, I just remember storming out of his place.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
And I was like, don't ever talk to me again. Like, we're done. Because I just found out a lot of stuff all at once. And yeah, I just was definitely a little bamboozled for sure.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
so then like we go another week without talking and long story short he ends up being in atlanta for work and i'm at my friend's apartment and the hotel they put him in is right next to my friend's apartment like we could throw a rock at it you know and um yeah i I think he saw my location. He saw I was like literally 100 feet from him.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
And he was like, I understand you probably don't ever want to talk to me again, but can we meet just so I can apologize and just, you know, share my side of things? And I said yes. And we sat in my car. I wouldn't let him come up to her apartment. Classic. So I met him downstairs and we sat in my car and talked for like six hours just sitting in the parking garage.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
Um, and you know, he explained everything I heard him out and um It was just one of those things where he was like, just give me a chance. I'm sorry. And I do love you and I do want to be with you. And I'm done, you know, playing these games. Like, let's give this a real shot. Let's get back together. So I said, OK, I gave him the chance because I loved him.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
Thousand percent. So I told myself like he has a lot to move on from with me and then I have a lot to move on from with him. So we both need to decide like if we really do want to be together, we need to forgive and move on. And I think that's a lot easier said than done. I just was really insecure the first year of our relationship. I think it was
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I thought it was like a job. I was applying for jobs everywhere. It was like one of those things where it was like, you know, I don't think anyone knew what was going on in the world. So I just was seeing what could happen. And so I thought it was a job getting back to me And then I got a voicemail.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
everything that happened, of course, but also that power dynamic, like him being lead of, you know, a dating show and me just being a contestant. And yeah, I felt like there was always that, that just not imbalance of power, but it definitely felt like he was like the star and I was just, you know, his little like groupie or something. And it's not like anything he did. It was just, I think that,
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
probably every couple that comes from the show might have a little bit of difficulty in that area of like you know you were this person that 40 women were fighting over and that everyone's obsessed with and then I'm just you know some girl that's how it felt yeah
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
And so and then even, yeah, going out publicly, it seemed like I told myself that the world hated me, that everyone hated me, but everyone loved him. And so I feel like when we would go out, it'd be like, oh, Matt James and Rachel. Like, I don't know. And I don't know if that was in my head or not, but that's just how it felt.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
So I definitely felt, and it was one of those things where I'm like, he could get anyone. He could have anyone. Like, why is he with me? And so when he would go do things without me, I'd be like, there's probably like someone hotter and cooler and more fun than me hitting on him right now. And like, why is he even with me? Yeah, just really, really insecure.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I felt like I had a hard time trusting him because of what was happening when we were apart.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
And that girl coming to Reality Steve and everything, I'm just, like, asking myself, like, are you still doing this? But I know to this day, like, and I even see this online now, he's not a cheater. You know, he, I never actually had to worry about him cheating on me because technically if he was ever with other women, we were apart. So I can't.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
you know call him a cheater worry about him cheating on me was that the only time that you guys were apart and he was with another woman or was there yeah okay yeah so the whole so from your understanding the four years of your relationship he was faithful to you yes i think i see a lot of that right now because i reposted a funny video on tiktok of like some girl i don't know doing something to her best friend's ex-boyfriend so now everyone's thinking that there was
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
So then I'm like, oh, my gosh, I need to call these people back if like they're actually, you know, trying to set up an interview with me or something. So I get to my car and I immediately listen to the voicemail. And it's someone from The Bachelor saying they received an application from me. I thought it was a joke. I thought it was a prank. I text my friends. I'm like, who did this?
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I think at first it was so fun. I couldn't believe that my life was what it was. I just went from being this normal person to going on this crazy dating show, actually falling in love, being with the guy, and then we're doing these really fun experiences that I would have never done otherwise. So it was so much fun, even through like all the insecurities and everything.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
But I think for the first like two years, it was just fun dating, not really too worried about like a proposal and marriage. I mean, we definitely always had those conversations, but I don't think either of us were in a rush yet. Like I think those first few years, it felt like a normal relationship. Yeah.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
You know, when you, I think in like the real world, dating for a few years without a proposal or marriage is normal. Yes. So that's what we were both telling ourselves. Like, we just want to have the most normal relationship possible because it definitely started out very unconventionally. And it still is crazy just having...
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
you know strangers care about your relationship it's great sometimes but yeah other times it's a lot so it was just um really not it was I hate saying it wasn't too serious but it was just more fun and really getting to know each other and just dating and then I think like last year Our third year. Well, I guess that was two years ago now. Yeah.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
So I guess our third year of dating was when I started to
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
just ask like okay so where is this going like what i didn't ever want a timeline of things i never wanted to know like when a proposal was coming i think like some girls these days like they want to know when it's coming they want to pick the ring out they want to pick their outfit out and i always told him like i don't want to know anything i want to be so shocked so surprised
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
But I do want to know that that's where your head's at and that we're on the same page. And what would he say? He seemed like he was on the same page. Like, that's why it's... Try not to cry. It's okay. It was, like, just confusing to look back on now. Because when we would talk about things, he always seemed like he was on the same page. Privately and publicly.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
You know, whether we were doing interviews or whether he was replying to people in comments, talking about getting married and everything like that. So, yeah, I guess it's just hard to... Think about... It's just one of those things that you replay a lot over and over again. Because the words were there and, you know, us talking about taking the next steps, all of that was fine.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
But, you know, the actions obviously weren't there.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
so three of my friends started freaking out and they're like oh my gosh we filled out an application for you like months ago so it's real you know i didn't think it was an actual thing um and at first i was like i'm not doing that i'm gonna be the villain or i'm gonna be like one of the crazy girls i didn't know how it worked so i was like i'm gonna be i don't know just not it's not gonna go well for me so at first i was like no i'm not doing that that sounds crazy
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
No, so, like, that was another thing. He... said that he didn't want to live together until we were married. And he's a very religious man. So I was like, that's okay. I can do that. But at the same time, I'm a little confused because we're still You know, traveling together, staying in the same hotel. And it was like we were living together.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
Like, half of his stuff is still at my place in Georgia right now. But he always had an apartment in Miami or New York. So we were either in New York, Miami, or in Atlanta. And I think at the time, I just... I didn't worry about it too much because it was fun.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I feel like whenever we would talk about our life, we would say like we want multiple homes anyways, like to be or just, you know, a little space here and there, like a home home somewhere. But it'd be fun to have to keep the apartment in Miami or keep the apartment in New York. And so I think that I was making excuses for it because it was one of those things where
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
We were saying that that was going to be our life anyway. So I guess I just didn't think too much on it. But I also think it was me trying to justify it just because I didn't want to worry like, well, is this like fear of like, you know, taking the next steps? You know, of course, you don't want to admit that to yourself.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
So now, yeah, looking back on it, maybe that is what it was.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
Yeah, well, it was like we basically did live together, at least in Georgia. It was like our house. Like that's where home base was for us, I would say. Like that's where most of his stuff was. That's obviously where all my stuff is. And whenever we weren't traveling, that's where we would be. So it did feel like we were living together. But at the end of the day, it was my place. I don't know.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
Yeah. So it was just one of those things where looking back, probably that was probably a red flag. But I just tried to tell myself that it was OK.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I honestly think we talked about family and kids more than anything, which is like. That sucks more than anything, I think, because I think when you picture your life or you have an idea of what it's going to look like, and now I'm like, I have no idea what life looks like from here on out. And yeah, it's sad to think about these.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I'm trying not to laugh at myself, but yeah, I'm picturing these kids that are obviously no longer a thing. Which, like, kind of sounds crazy. I'm not trying to sound like an insane person, but... You don't sound crazy. That's... Yeah, that's probably, like, one of the saddest things about it is just picturing your life with someone and thinking, like, that is how your life's going to look.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
And then now it's just all taken away. But... Yeah, we talked about rings. He told me a few months ago to start saving some things, picking things out, or that we should go look at some. And that was a big deal, I would say, for him to say. That's when I was like, wow, okay, he really is on board with this. That was such a green flag to me.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
And I felt like the longer we were together, the more he was able to talk about it and I think at first I could tell it was something that did scare him a lot or it was like a really hard thing for him to talk about. And it just seemed easier and easier as our relationship went on. So I felt like that was a good sign. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, I don't know.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I just I think when he started talking about kids and picking out a ring and wedding food and where we want the wedding, like stuff like that. I use those things to just hold on, if that makes sense. Like, I don't know if there were any actions following those things. But when you're told these things, you just like want to hold on. Yeah.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
um and then i did have a call with them and they were like you know what just go with the process and just see like my friends were like just see what they even want from you like i just want to see the ins and outs i was like okay so i started doing interviews and i still was like really nervous about it really not feeling it but it was covid and it was just like a let's just see where this goes
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
um I definitely would I'm sure I would bring it up more but it wouldn't ever be in like a pressure kind of way it would just like come naturally in a conversation but he seemed more than happy to to talk about things too and I don't know it wasn't like a pattern of I think for at the end of the day, when I think about things like the words were there, but the actions weren't. Yeah.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
They weren't matching. So he would say these things, but then. OK, well, what are we what are you doing to get this? If that makes sense, like what are we doing actively to. have an engagement and plan a wedding and all of this stuff. You know, like you said that we can go look at rings, but okay, is that going to happen?
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
You know, because it was one of those things where I was like, okay, you said that, but I'm going to see, I'm going to let him bring it back up if he meant it, you know?
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
Yeah, it's such a weird thing to begin with because at the end of the day, it's mostly men who propose. It's, of course, different for everyone these days, but everyone's like, yeah, she's on his timeline, she's on his timeline. I'm sitting here, I'm like, what am I supposed to do? I don't know. It's one of those things where at the end of the day, he's the one that needs to get down on a knee.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
Then they announced Matt in June, I think, as a bachelor. And that's when I was like, wait, OK, he's very, very attractive. He seems like a great guy and I would love to get to meet him. Yeah. So that's when I was like, OK, actually, this would be really fun if given the opportunity. And I don't think any of us found out.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I think there were times in our relationship where... I don't want to say he seemed scared, but I think that he felt the weight of marriage really heavily on him. And I think that's for him to discuss like why he felt like that. I never knew if it was because there was something wrong with me or like not wrong with me.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I keep trying to tell myself that there's nothing wrong with me, even though like, of course, it feels like it sometimes. But. I ask myself, is it me or is it him? Is it something that he needs to figure out? Is there something that scares him? Is there something that he went through growing up that he has this trauma now? Or am I just not his perfect person? So I would just say,
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
argue a lot um when we would argue it would more so be like someone did something to piss the other person off and then I don't know it was like we both I guess we were both pretty stubborn so we both thought that we were in the right and that they were in the wrong and we just had a hard time seeing eye to eye sometimes like I was always trying to remind him Sorry.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I was always trying to remind him that we are on the same side and the problem is the problem. We're arguing like this when it should be like, okay, we're a team. Here's the issue. How can we fix this together? It was either that or it was just acting out of like in the moment, acting out of anger and not meaning things.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
So then it was one of those things where I was like, OK, if we're ever annoyed or irritated, let's just, you know, take a breather. Let's not talk for a second and really try to figure out what the actual problem is, like where this anger is coming from. And then we can discuss it.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
This is what's crazy is I feel like I was apologizing a lot. Even if I was the one that was mad about something, we would sit down and I'd be like, I'm annoyed about this. And then at the end of the conversation, I would be the one that would be saying sorry. And I started feeling crazy. But at the end of the relationship, he basically said that I have
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I think, like, two weeks before we had to fly out, we got, like, the okay if we were on the show or not. So I had two weeks to, like, decide if I wanted to do it, get all my shit together, and, you know... Wait, why do you think your friends applied you?
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
hard time taking accountability and apologizing and i'm sitting here i'm like i'm going crazy because i feel like i do say sorry a lot for things that i'm not even like sure what i'm saying sorry for you know but that's maybe that was his argument that i wasn't understanding i think that we just had No, Rachel. Hard times understanding where we were each coming from. And now I still feel crazy.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
You know, I'm like... First of all, you're not crazy.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
When your partner is telling you those things, like you want to believe them, you want to be like, okay, if this really is like a problem I have and something that you're really upset about, then of course, like I want to try to do what I can. to fix that. But yeah, it's it's I don't know.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
um i would say it didn't weigh on me in the sense that it made me angry but it almost worried me that he was gonna leave me or break up with me or that i wasn't good enough um i think like when you're told that you're the one in the wrong then you're like okay, so what can I do to be better or be a better partner? Yeah, now looking back on it, I have to ask myself, was it deserved or not?
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I don't know. But yeah, it was one of those things where I went into... The conversation irritated with him and then I leave the conversation like hoping that he's not irritated with me and that I'm sorry and I want him to not be mad at me. You start to lose your mind a little bit. Let's talk about the breakup.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I think at the time, a lot of my friends were in relationships and I wasn't. And... And my friends love or loved the show. I don't know if they really watch so much now, but at the time loved The Bachelor. I think it just, whose season? I think it was pilot Pete's season, right? Oh my God. And it was a shit show. It was great TV, you know? So that was like peak Bachelor, I would say. Oh my God.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
It was great. I mean, we were literally talking about engagement, marriage, all the things on that trip. We had been. together since I think it was like January 3rd. I met him in London. So we were in London having a great time. And then we went from London to Tokyo. Just because We had the time and we had these like flight vouchers that were expiring for like an international flight.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
And Japan is like my favorite country in the entire world. So we were like, let's just do it while we can. So it was very unplanned, very last minute trip. But it was fun, exciting. You know, everything was great. There was nothing wrong.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
So it's, it's just so hard to grasp because I still, I don't even know if like he knew it was coming, like, or if he, or if it was like he had the moment, I don't know. So everything was fine the night before. We didn't have an argument, but I was feeling very overwhelmed.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I was trying so hard to find a good dinner spot for us because the spot we ended up wanting to go to was closed or something, so we were scrambling. And I was putting so much pressure on finding a good spot because he cares like this is like his career, you know, like going to good food spots.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
Any anywhere we'd go if it was like literally every single meal that we would have. we were filming so yeah I think I just put so much pressure on myself to find good spots if I'm the one that's finding a spot so on top of that I just started my period I felt terrible like just was having like a rough few hours I guess and I remember asking him to help me find a spot and he was like
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
you know, no, like I think he was like doing something else on his phone and he was like, it doesn't matter where we go. Like we can go literally anywhere, just like pick somewhere. I don't, he kept saying like, it's not a big deal. It doesn't matter. But I felt like it was a big deal and that it did matter. So we get to this place. It wasn't what I thought it was going to be.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
And it was just one of those things where I'm like tired, cranky, emotional on my period, feeling terrible, overwhelmed with looking for a dinner spot for like an hour. And then we get there and it was a disappointment. So then I started tearing up at dinner. Two tears. One, two. We're done. Didn't, you know, allow myself to get upset after that. Just tried to calm down.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
We went home and... Did he say anything? No, didn't say anything. But in the past, if I have like a little meltdown like that or if I'm feeling overwhelmed or anything, he just like lets me move through the motions, get it all out of my system and then... You know, OK, I'm ready to talk like something like that. So dinner like did you guys have like normal conversation?
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
No, we didn't even we didn't even talk like we just sat there, had dinner, got into the Uber.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I felt like whenever we would go somewhere and it was bad that I, it was just disappointing because I think like we're on trips, it's like every meal counts. Like every dinner, everywhere we go, it counts. Or it just, it's important because you only have so many meals in the day. And this sounds crazy, but as like a food person, I'm trying to just make sure that he's,
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
So my friends were like, we need to get one of our friends on this show. And I mean, it was like me and I think two other girls in our group were single and they just were like, we need to apply Rachel. We think she'd be great. Had you been in a serious relationship before The Bachelor? Honestly, not like an adult, like serious relationship. I think my last relationship was a year before that.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
getting good content for our trip and stuff because i know like it's important to him and that it's something that we'll both post about so i'm just feeling bad i guess that it was a bad spot and then um are you feeling like you're disappointing him Yeah, I guess. I guess. Yeah. Disappointing him or just. Yeah. Like, I think he was just like, what is the big deal? So we finally get to the hotel.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
And I give him a hug and he, I could just tell like he was just like, you know, not very comforting. And I'm like, are you mad at me? And he was like, I'm just so confused. Like why you were so upset? Like, what was that? And I explained to him, I'm like, I felt like I had let you down. Like I felt like that was disappointing.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
And I hate going to a place that isn't somewhere that like you could post about. I feel like it's a waste. And he just was trying to tell me, like, it's not that serious, like it's not that big of a deal. But then he was concerned about me getting so upset. He was like, that was like there was no reason for you to get upset like that. And he found it concerning that I.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
got that emotional, I guess. And so then I was, and he just was trying to express to me, like, if you get emotional about little things like this, like what is going to happen in life when something really terrible happens? Like, how are you going to be able to react to things that are actually really scary or disappointing or sad? Um,
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
And I think like, I don't know, I just hurt to hear because I'm like, I probably would react to things that are terrible in a sad way. Like, what do you mean? I don't know. I felt like I was being punished for crying. I was just so weird. I don't know. Still don't really know. that whole situation. I just was really confused by his reaction.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
He'll let me, like, he'll give me my space. Do you want space? No. No, I don't. I, like, want to be comforted, but... For some reason, Matt always thought that I'd need space and then we'd talk about after, even though I would tell him, like, I don't want you to, like, give me my space because then I feel like I'm not getting any support, you know, or, like, comfort from you. Yeah.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
But that was just something that he thought like he just needed me to calm down and then we would talk and everything would be OK.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
Like take me through that whole day. Everything was fine. Like when we went to bed, he was saying like, it's okay, it's okay. So I just let it go. He let it go. It was totally fine the next day. Okay. And I think it was one of those things where, I mean, literally a few days before we're talking about
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
how he feels lucky to have me as a partner, and that there's just so many qualities that he loves that I have, and that we see relationships with other people where they deal with a lot, or put up with a lot of things, and he's just so nice that I just feel...
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
It was about six months ago. and it was with, like, one of my best friends growing up. We were just always, like, you know, had feelings for each other, so we gave it a shot, and it just was one of those things where we probably should have just stayed friends. Classic. And it wasn't even him. It was just more so me.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
like very lucky that I can call you my partner and that was so crazy to think like that was like two days before the breakup yeah and that morning everything was fine we were in good moods and I think it was one of those things where it was just a little maybe a little argument open up a can of worms so
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
We were on the way to get some food, and I was, like, scrolling through my phone, showing him a bunch of videos. I guess I was bothering him. I was annoying him. And he didn't snap at me, but he basically was like, okay... kind of snapped at me to where I got mad at him because I was like, you know, even if I'm annoying you, like, don't treat me like that. And...
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
So then it seemed like we were both kind of like mad at each other or annoyed with each other. So when we got to this place, it was just this big market with a bunch of different food and everything. So we get there and I just walk off and go do my own thing for a second. I'm picking up like chopsticks and things for my friends.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
And he's going to find this like matcha spot that he was really excited to try. So we kind of just get there and split up for a little bit. Which wasn't, you know, normal. Like, usually we would be doing these things together.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
No, I just was, like, I didn't think anything serious, like, too much of it. I really didn't. I just was annoyed with him. That's all. Like, I was annoyed with him and he was annoyed with me. Like, it really didn't even seem like that big of a deal. It was just one of those things where you're just, like, you know, at that point we had been together nonstop for like three weeks.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
And I think like you just, get annoyed with each other about little things. And I think that's where we were. We were just, like, irritated with one another with little things. But I didn't think anything of it. It just... It was what it was. And then we had some food. We got back in the car. And I just was being really quiet. And he was like, you know, can I ask, like, why you're being so quiet?
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
And I was like, I'm just... I feel like you're irritated with me right now, and I don't really want to say anything if I don't have to say anything because I just don't want to bug you. I just don't really want to chat right now if there's nothing I have to say because I just want to try and give you your space because I feel like you're annoyed with me right now.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
Like, I was just going through a hard time or a weird time in my life, and I was like, I don't need to be in this relationship, especially with, like, one of my best friends. And now, to this day, our relationship's
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
And that is just what opened up everything. And we had gotten into an argument
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
right then and there like walking in the street we skipped lunch we went back to the hotel and just ended up having like a bigger conversation i think that's what i was saying like can of worms where it wasn't a big deal we were just a little irritated with one another but then it was like okay now that we're back here again where like you're annoyed with me i'm annoyed with you i feel like you're in the wrong you feel like i'm in the wrong um
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
He really just kind of let out everything that I guess he had been feeling for a while. I don't know. Can you share some of that? Yeah. I mean, he just, he said that at the end of the day, there were just qualities about me that he worries about.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
about having in a wife, like at the end of the day, like there are things that we aren't compatible with and like the whole accountability and saying sorry and all that was really the main thing. And, um, yeah, it was just one of those things where he, I think just had this realization that I should want to
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
proposed to you by this time, like at this point in our relationship, I should be wanting those things and I should be ready for that, but I'm not still, I still don't feel like we're ready or I don't feel like I'm ready. Um, I don't know if I ever see myself proposing to you. I can't actually see myself married to you. Um,
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
He said that, you know, maybe one day he would get there, but he doesn't feel ready now. And I told him, I said, well, I feel like after four years, you should know or you should feel ready. And if you don't, then that's not a good thing. We probably shouldn't be together if... You don't feel like that after four years because you know me better than anyone. I know you better than anyone.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
So you should know by now if you see this for the long haul or not. And it was just one of those things where it was like, do you want? to make this work like do you think that it's me or is it something with you like are you scared or is it really me like is is your perfect person somewhere out there you know is it not me and yeah he came to the conclusion that he didn't think it was me and
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
that he said he just didn't want me to end up resenting him by wasting more of my time if it wouldn't happen. And yeah, he just said, you know, you're beautiful, smart, and funny, and you'll find someone, you'll find a guy that will love you for you. But yeah, he just didn't think that it was him.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
But it was just really, it was just a lot to hear at once because a few days before, you know, I'm hearing the opposite.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I think it's because he did love me or does really love me. And I think he wanted it to work out. And, like, I think he wanted to picture it. And it was one of those things where it was like, well, it would definitely be easy, too. Like, it just wouldn't make sense. And that was, like, the next steps, naturally, in our relationship. And he does love me to where I think he just wanted it to work.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
But I... I guess at the end of the day, as much as he wanted it to work and as much as he loves me, he still just doesn't think that I'm the person for him. And so I think maybe he was just trying to see if he could get there or convince himself that it was the right thing. But yeah, I'm at the point now where I'm like, I still don't know.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I don't know if he reacted out of anger or spite or if he didn't mean it. And to be totally honest with you, if he didn't post it so publicly, like, right after he broke up with me, I don't even know where we'd be right now. Because I think when someone tells you that to your face, like, I don't think you're my person, I don't ever picture us getting married, it's your time to walk away.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
Like, I can't stick around after that. Even if I want to. Even if it's hard for me to let go and, like, I love him so much and I wanted him to be my partner. But Yeah, I think when someone says that to you, it's like, what else can you do? Yeah, you have to give it up at that point.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
Honestly, I think I was worried that he thought that for a little while. I guess in the back of my mind, I always wondered if he... had doubts or like, yeah, just had doubts about me being his person. And I only had those doubts because, you know, the actions, like I said, weren't following up with his words.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I think, like, it was one of those things where I couldn't even believe it was happening. Couldn't even believe that I kept making it through these interviews and that I got the call and that they actually wanted me on the show. I feel like, I don't know, I told myself, like, I'm kind of boring. Like, I don't know if I would be good TV for this show.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
So I'm like, I feel like I just want to be with someone who like is so excited to be with me and wants to wants to marry me and is excited to, you know, start a life with me. And I feel like it was definitely one of those things with him where.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I could feel like he was nervous, but I just always told myself he was nervous because of how he grew up and he didn't want to end up like his father or just didn't want to end up in a broken home and that he took it really, really seriously, which he would probably say the same thing, that he just put so much weight on it because he never wants to
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
do to his family what his dad did to them but I also told myself that I think like sometimes that put like a hindrance on our relationship and I always wondered like is it me or is it something that like we need to like work through together so
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
It ended with him saying, you know, you're beautiful, smart, funny. You'll find someone. I'll never say a bad thing about you. And yeah, we're done. And I literally said, okay. I said, okay. Didn't say anything else. I just said, okay. And then I got my suitcase, went down to the lobby, got in a car, went to the airport.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
Yeah, so I had to leave a day before. Okay. I was trying to make it home for a baby shower that I did not end up going to.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
Yes. Mm-hmm. So that was... Yeah, just... I just, like, couldn't believe it. Um... Going to the airport, I was like, what the hell is happening? You know? Yeah.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
um obviously sad because of everything he just said to me very very hurtful which here's the thing he's allowed to feel like that if that's really how he feels you're so allowed to feel like that i wouldn't want someone to propose to me and be married to me just because they felt like they have to even though they didn't feel like they wanted to so at the end of the day if that's really how he felt then he is so valid to feel like that and at least
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
we figured that out before we were married or anything.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I mean, yes, it was definitely out of nowhere. I don't think he was planning on doing it. I think that it was one of those things where he just came to this realization during our argument. I don't know. So we have to talk about his breakup post.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I guess I was confused why they wanted me on the show. Yeah. Um, and so I think the whole time, even when I got there, I'll never forget walking very first night, walking out of my hotel room and seeing one of the girls. She's so stunning. So perfect. Her name's Sarah. Um, I saw her and I was like, I'm screwed. Like,
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
So I had just gotten to the airport. And. you know, check my bags, everything got on the flight. Okay. And I'm in my seat. And for some reason, my phone, I think it's because I downloaded a VPN on my phone a few years ago. And now for whatever reason, it cannot connect to plain Wi-Fi. It just can't. I don't know why. So whenever I take these long flights, like I'm off the grid.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
So we're literally getting ready to take off. And my phone blows up. It's one of my best friends. And it says Rach with a bunch of question marks. And as soon as I saw that, I'm like, oh my gosh, how does she know? And then she texted me again and said, I saw Matt's post. Is this real life? And that's how I found out that he posted. So then literally the plane is taking off and I see his post.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
And that's it. I don't have any service or anything for, like, the next 12 hours. So, I'm freaking out because, you know, just got broken up with. And now, a few hours later, it's, like, for the whole world to see. And I'm still, like, trying to process it. Like, I'm still in, like, total shock. So... Then knowing, like, the whole world is seeing this. I'm like, this is so crazy.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I can't even wrap my mind around this right now. And I think that's why, you know, I didn't say anything. Still haven't, like, made a statement or anything because I'm processing this just like everyone else is. Like, I'm a week out of this, you know? So how, what would you say, like...
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
two hours after i would say like yeah two or three hours he posted that when you read the post what went through your mind like what did you think of the post um i don't know i honestly didn't think i guess i was so freaked out about the breakup itself and then just now knowing that i'm gonna have to navigate this very publicly um That's kind of all I was thinking.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I wasn't even like analyzing the post like everyone else was. Yeah. So I guess it was kind of funny just to see what people had to say. Like people thought it was weird that it was a Bachelor photo because we definitely like tried to remove ourselves from the show. And yeah, it was interesting to see the caption only because I feel like there was no, I don't know how to explain it.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I guess it almost seemed like saying it like a prayer was the easier way to say it than to like say something like real, not that real, but just something like authentic to like our actual relationship. Um, But it's very him. Like, I guess it didn't surprise me that he said it like that. I guess I was just surprised that he said it at all, that he posted that. Why do you think he posted that?
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
all of these girls are so stunning gorgeous seem perfect and i just was wondering like why i was there really and then it got to the point where i was like well i guess like i just hope i make it past this first night so i never i guess i didn't really think too much about an engagement only because i didn't think i would ever get that far
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I would love to know. I don't know. I don't know if it was out of just him being so worked up, if it was out of anger, or if it was one of those things where he felt like he needed to do it to really like finally just like put a nail in the coffin. But I have spoken with him since all of that. And I do know that He definitely acknowledges that that was not the right decision.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
him breaking up with me I don't know I don't know I definitely didn't think that or just like people just sad just like oh like so sorry for you guys like sad to hear this but like wishing you both the best moving forward I didn't expect it to be this like people getting mad about the post like that I mean I'm not gonna lie like sitting here and listening to it I know there's like different steps basically to like grieving a breakup but I can't help but be
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
Yeah, no, I mean... It's like when I step back and really look at everything, I'm mad. Like, yes, that's fucked up. Like, he should not have done that to me after four years. Shouldn't have... Like, he didn't even text me to give me a warning. Like, saying, like, hey, I'm posting this. So it just hurt to know that, like, that's how my friends found out and my family and, like, my little sister.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
And... That I didn't even like get to talk to them about it or just like grieve privately for like a day, you know? So even like landing was just so scary. Just like the anxiety that came over me knowing I was like about to get service back and I didn't know what I was about to see. And I just knew my phone was going to be blown up from all my friends and my family and everything. So that hurt.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
what happened when you landed like did you get an uber home who did you go to first who did you talk to um i landed and i did have my car at the airport so i was driving home and at this point i think the post went up like 6 a.m u.s time or like new york time so I think I landed at like 6 p.m. So it had been like all day. My friends were waiting to hear from me.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I got in my car and I just like did a voice memo and just let them know what happened. And yeah, I just went home. And, you know, by the time I got home, it was like eight or nine o'clock. So I just went straight to sleep because I was exhausted. And when I'm depressed, I just like completely shut down. And I just...
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
sleep and i don't get out of bed so i did that did you text him like what the hell you didn't text him no no i just felt like the best thing at the time was just to not talk to him and because he didn't give me the decency to like give me a heads up or
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
even just give me a few days like it's one thing to i don't even think you should post a breakup announcement the same day you break up no but let alone you know not even give me a warning that you're doing it um so yeah i just went home slept for like what felt like you know 48 hours and then finally woke up to my sister
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
Coming in my room she has a key to my house so she like let herself in and like woke me up. And hung out with me for like the next few days and then. I finally told my friends I could see them and hang out with them on Saturday. It was the first time I saw some of my friends just because I just needed just to be by myself for a bit and just not talk about it or think about it.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I just wasn't ready to debrief. I think when you talk about it, it just feels more real. So I just wasn't ready to
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
Yeah, that was so hard. I completely agree with that where it's like I'm laying in bed and I want him to comfort me, but he's the one that hurt me. And I'm so mad at him. But I'm also still like so sad. And of course, like I still love him. So yeah, just a lot of emotions to work through. And yeah. I woke up at like at one in the morning and I had a missed call from him.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
um it's different every day i'm doing okay i would say some days are better than others like one day i'm like feeling kind of empowered i'm like you know what yeah it's okay like i'm excited to be on my own and then the next day i like can barely get out of bed and i just miss him and i'm sad about everything um so yeah it just comes and goes it's different every day
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
This was, I don't know, like four, five days after maybe in the post. And so I called him back. Because I just didn't know why he was calling me. I didn't know if he was giving me a heads up about something or if he needed something or if he was just calling to talk. I didn't know. So I called him back just to see what he wanted. And...
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
Right. So I'm like, what are the odds out of 40 plus or, you know, 36 to 40 girls? Why would he pick me? I don't know. I was like, there's just no way that out of all these women.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
He just asked how I was doing, which I'm like, what do you think I'm doing? Like, what? Right. And then, yeah, I confronted him about the post. I said, like, you know, that really sucked. And that's when he was like, yeah, I fully admit that I could have handled this a lot better. And he apologized.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
And, you know, sometimes people, when they're in a really bad state or they're really, really angry or really, really upset, you know, you make mistakes or you don't handle things in the best way you can. But I don't think that... I just... I don't want people thinking that, like, he's this bad guy or... That he's, like, not, I don't know, considerate of my feelings or whatever.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
Because he is a good guy at the end of the day. But obviously he made a mistake doing that. But I think he knows that. And I think he regrets it. So, yeah, it's just hard. Because I'm like, I probably wouldn't even be sitting here if he didn't do that.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
So it's just a lot to, like, process and work through.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
that he would be interested in me of all what what was your first impression like in person of Matt when you met him um I don't want to say like love at first sight but definitely just like total infatuation like right off the bat I feel like we had a connection immediately and it's funny though because I'm sure all the girls say that when they first get in like
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
We left it, like... It's so weird. I was about to say, like, I just wish we could somehow be friends. Because he was my best friend. And it hurts to not have him as my best friend anymore. But that's, like, how we left it. Like, we were just talking like everything was okay. You know, I... Asked him, like, how his last day was in Tokyo. And, like, you know, he filled me in on, like, what he did.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
And then... Um... Yeah, we were just talking like, you know, everything was fine. And he ended up falling asleep because I called him back at like 1 a.m. because both of our jet lag was so crazy at the time. And yeah, he ended up like falling asleep and I just hung up. And that's that. How long was the conversation? It was like, it was pretty long. It was like over an hour at least.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
No, we didn't discuss that. I don't even, I think like that's something that we probably have to do. um we haven't talked a lot like he's called me every like few days just to make sure i'm okay but i told him that he didn't need to do that the last time we spoke i was like you don't need to like call and check up on me like i'll be okay and so that was that was that um
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
But, yeah, I don't know why he's... I don't know if he's feeling bad or he just wants to see where I'm at. I don't know.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I don't think I can, which is sad. I don't think I can because... I think when someone says those things that he said, you know, like, I don't think you're my person. I don't see us getting married. I think that's when you, like, have to call it quits. And then, yeah, just the way that he handled all of this and his posts and everything, like, I forgive him, but...
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
we clicked or we sparked or whatever. But I think he would agree with that, that we both just felt a connection immediately. And it felt very comfortable and, um, Like we were just talking to each other like there weren't a million cameras and a million people around.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I just don't think I can be with someone that I felt like he disrespected me at the end of the day doing that. So, yeah, it's just one of those things where you like have to stand up for yourself, even if you don't want to. Like, of course, there's part of me that wishes that we could just get back together and pretend none of this ever happened. But yeah, that's not the case. And I think.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
as hard as it is I think the right decision is to just stand up for myself and be on my own I was gonna say like I'm so impressed by one just like how you're handling everything because I think I think a lot of people listening right now understandably are gonna like
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
We were talking about like Waffle House and, you know, just stupid things that they probably were angry that we were chatting about because they're like, this is not good TV.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
No I mean yeah I completely agree with everything you're saying like I definitely have an attachment to him right now. I mean how can you not when you spend you know every day with someone for four years straight and I do love him so much but yeah it's just one of those things where.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
Maybe in another universe we worked out and things were okay, but it just really sucks to step back and look at how things ended up for us. It's just heartbreaking. But yeah, I just think I do need to just stand up for myself and... I'm telling myself that what he did wasn't okay and that I just need to try and move on.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I think that's something that with time I'll start to realize. But I think like when I have talked to my friends about it, I think that they definitely said like it just seemed like you were always like giving 110 percent. But it was difficult. for him to like reciprocate it at times.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
And that was like that was like every conversation we had was just like we were just talking about stupid stuff that wasn't good for TV. But to us, it was just stupid.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
Like it was like pulling teeth to try and get him to come to a wedding with me and just like little things like that. And I love to think I'm this like, you know, like badass independent woman, but I definitely would say that I like compromise my values at times because I felt like that was the right thing to do in the moment.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
It was definitely like, you know, he was like not the one in charge or anything, but, you know, he definitely took lead and I just wanted to support him through everything, whatever that was. And I didn't mind, you know, letting him. have the spotlight, I guess, if that makes sense. That's poor wording, but.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
natural normal fun easy conversation yeah it's like the real shit in life like it's not going to be all glamour once you guys leave it you guys may be literally going to awful house and like you'll want to be chilling the show is like they're like tell us your deepest darkest secrets and your trauma you know and it's like i'm sure you'll get there eventually but i'm not gonna like tell someone that two minutes into knowing them right yes you know so what was the moment that like really made you realize like oh my god i'm fully falling in love with this guy oh
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I feel like. Well, when you reached out to me, I just really thought about it and I felt like it needed to have a longer conversation than just, you know,
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
little story or a caption or there it was just there was so much to it and a lot to break down and I wanted to do this for me I felt like I needed to do it to get some closure with everything and I did want to do it for you know anyone else who cared like you said like we did have a very public relationship and we did have a lot of people supporting us and I know at the end of the day like the only people who really matter in the relationship is you and the other person but I did just
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I saw all these rumors and the speculation and the theories and all this craziness and I just wanted to get the true story out there and just share my side of it in case anyone is going through anything similar or if they just feel lost, confused, blindsided, anything. And if anyone can take something away from this, then I'm glad I came. But yeah, I just really wanted
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
to do it just to help myself move on and get some closure. And I just feel like after four years and after all this craziness, something just needed to be said.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I'm trying to think like I've seen so much crazy stuff. I try not to look. But then when I realized we were doing this, I was like, OK, I definitely just want to see like what is being discussed. Yeah. And. I think the only thing that made me really sad reading was people saying that he cheated or that I insinuated that he cheated because he did not cheat. I don't think he ever cheated.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I don't think that at the end of the day, he's at least a good enough guy to be faithful. I never worried about that. And so I just don't want people thinking that he was this unfaithful guy that broke my trust or cheated on me or anything. But
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
think it was like right before our one-on-one I didn't get a one-on-one until like the fifth week of filming I was pretty late in the game to get a one-on-one and I don't know just like what little time we would have together it was just so easy and I hadn't like clicked or just sparked with someone like that
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
And it's also kind of fun to tell myself that I can find myself again and get back to just loving me and finding my own confidence because I think it's been missing for four years. I'm not saying that's his fault, but there was probably a lot of stuff that I needed to work through from the show that I never have. So yeah, I guess in a way I'm just excited to work on myself. I also will say just...
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
yeah but i don't think in my opinion i don't think friends at least in the very beginning yeah is gonna allow you if we're being selfish for you for a minute to move on yeah you gotta and that's why i told him i said you know you don't have to call me and check in on me like i'll be okay um because yeah i do agree i think that like even just hearing his voice on the phone
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
It's just really hard, you know, and it makes me miss him.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
maybe ever in my life, just like right off the bat, just like so into each other, you know? And then it was definitely like solidified on our one-on-one. We spent the whole day together and I was like, okay, I can really see myself with this person. And you always have to ask yourself, like, is this bubble of, is this just infatuation because we're
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
And like this romantic setting and we're getting, you know, all this incredible treatment and you're literally in a fairy tale. So it's easy to fall in love or fall hard in that situation. But even with all of that, like knowing that was in my head thinking about it, I still felt like, no, this is real.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
So, you know, like I said at first, engagement wasn't even... In the back of my mind, like I just wasn't even thinking that was ever something that would happen to me. But then I think when we finally told each other we were falling in love with each other on our one on one, I was like, all right, this could be a very big possibility now. So it's definitely something that I have to think about.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
But it was one of those things where it felt like it was out of my control because I still I wasn't the one handing out roses at the end of the day. So it was one of those things where I told myself, like, if we do make it to the end of this and he proposes to me, of course I would say yes. The proposals on The Bachelor are just interesting because I think you've seen plenty of couples.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I think you've seen plenty of couples repropose and say, like, this is the actual engagement. And I'm not saying that the engagements aren't real on the show. But I think now having been through it all, it would be so crazy to get engaged to someone you barely knew. Yeah. And you've only known each other for a few weeks. And so I was totally okay with that. We had a conversation off camera. Okay.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
About not getting engaged. I knew that was coming. Okay. I didn't know if the show would convince him that he needed to do it or that he realized he should do it. So I told myself like, if it was, if it,
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
were to happen i would say yes but i didn't expect it to happen so you were like fully on the same page like it's okay if he doesn't propose like if anything you're having conversations off camera and he did he come to you and be like hey i like what was that conversation like so that was during fantasy suites that's like the most time you get off camera so we were just talking about what that final day would look like
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
And I think that we were both worried about production having, like, little tricks up their sleeve, which ended up, you know, us not getting our final date and... I remember Chris Harrison showing up to my door telling me that Matt's really confused and he doesn't want to see me. And at first I'm laughing because I'm like, this is so you guys, this is not him.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
But then I have a meltdown because I'm like, well, whoever it is, I don't get my last date now. And, you know, we don't get like our last moment together before all of this ends. And now I'm going into this proposal. feeling terrible and feeling very insecure and just weird about the whole thing. Like, it was a really heavy feeling on the day.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
But I knew, yeah, I mean, as soon as he said he couldn't propose, it was one of those things where I was, like, not disappointed, but I just was... thinking like, okay, you're not proposing, but are we still gonna be together? I guess I was like, what's true, what's not true? Are you about to break up with me? Are we about to not be together or do you still wanna be with me?
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
So then when he was like, I still want to be with you, I wanna try this out in the real world, I was excited, but the rest of the, felt like they were literally breaking down the set as we were still doing like our final, they were done. They were like- Stop. Waste of a seat. Yeah, they were just, it felt like a failure, like, cause they didn't get an engagement out of it.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
Well, that's what I thought at the time. Like when we're having that conversation off camera, I'm thinking like, wow, he's so level headed. And I love the idea of like.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
I think that he felt so much pressure with just how the state of the world was or the state that the world was in at the time with Black Lives Matter. And that was the year after George Floyd. And it was like just such a heavy pressure. heavy topic in our country at the time. And then of course, all of the controversy within the show did not help.
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
i obviously want to talk to you about everything that's happened but first i do think it's kind of important we just kind of go back to like when you met matt on the bachelor why did you want to go on that show oh my gosh it's actually a funny story i didn't want to go on the show okay did not sign myself up for the show my friends nominated me and they didn't tell me that they nominated me i think they put in
Call Her Daddy
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
And I think he felt so much pressure to just make the right decision and to stand by what was right for him at the time. And, you know, strangers and people that were really close to him in his life were saying, like, I don't think you should be with her. And so I think at the time he thought that was the right decision just to take a step back and.