Punkie Johnson

You know what? I thought you was about to tell me what happened today. Like I was like, oh no, break.

You know what? I thought you was about to tell me what happened today. Like I was like, oh no, break.

I think I could be a portion of both.

I think I could be a portion of both.

Do I have to pick one?

Do I have to pick one?

Oh, sorry. Tourist season, okay. I'm more of a lover than a hater.

Oh, sorry. Tourist season, okay. I'm more of a lover than a hater.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'll take that.

I'll take that.

Oh, lover. Big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big love her. Yeah.

Oh, lover. Big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big love her. Yeah.

That was dope. No, that shook the table in more ways than one. It was spot on because that's my mom. Okay.

That was dope. No, that shook the table in more ways than one. It was spot on because that's my mom. Okay.

I think we all do. Because when my mama look at the server and say, well done, it's like she say from the diaphragm and she mean well done.

I think we all do. Because when my mama look at the server and say, well done, it's like she say from the diaphragm and she mean well done.

And you know, she's shaking the table. And I'm like, bro, do you have to get it well done every time? We can't get a little bit of pink? She'd be like, a little bit of pink? That's your problem. That's why I said, you know, I shouldn't have sent you to that white school. We don't do a little bit of pink over here.

And you know, she's shaking the table. And I'm like, bro, do you have to get it well done every time? We can't get a little bit of pink? She'd be like, a little bit of pink? That's your problem. That's why I said, you know, I shouldn't have sent you to that white school. We don't do a little bit of pink over here.

I'm very different from my mother because I have been more well-rounded. In New Orleans, we don't get too much well-rounding. Every culture kind of stick to themselves. So if I didn't leave New Orleans, I wouldn't like medium rare or medium or sometimes I'll get it rare. I wouldn't experiment with the steaks.

I'm very different from my mother because I have been more well-rounded. In New Orleans, we don't get too much well-rounding. Every culture kind of stick to themselves. So if I didn't leave New Orleans, I wouldn't like medium rare or medium or sometimes I'll get it rare. I wouldn't experiment with the steaks.

It's actually very delicious. Hunter's Oklahoma then came out. It's very juicy and it's super, super tender. And I can't order that in front of my mom. She'll never talk to me. She'll never speak to me again, but it's really, really delicious.

It's actually very delicious. Hunter's Oklahoma then came out. It's very juicy and it's super, super tender. And I can't order that in front of my mom. She'll never talk to me. She'll never speak to me again, but it's really, really delicious.

Since my departure from SNL, I put that on a little pause. Okay. Because, honestly, traveling just does so much to my body, and it really hurts. And I'm aging now, so I can't just be out. And when I travel, I don't just travel. I don't just be like, oh, okay, we're in the city. I go, I eat, I meet the people, I go on adventures, I'm drinking, I'm I mean, I'm partying Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

Since my departure from SNL, I put that on a little pause. Okay. Because, honestly, traveling just does so much to my body, and it really hurts. And I'm aging now, so I can't just be out. And when I travel, I don't just travel. I don't just be like, oh, okay, we're in the city. I go, I eat, I meet the people, I go on adventures, I'm drinking, I'm I mean, I'm partying Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

And then I'm dead Monday, Tuesday. And then I'm preparing to go back and do it on Wednesday, Thursday. It takes me like two days to prepare. So it's very sporadic right now. So like every other month, I might go do a weekend somewhere. But yeah. I got to chill. And I'm trying to lay down some roots in New York. I'm trying to like, I laid down roots in Los Angeles already comedically.

And then I'm dead Monday, Tuesday. And then I'm preparing to go back and do it on Wednesday, Thursday. It takes me like two days to prepare. So it's very sporadic right now. So like every other month, I might go do a weekend somewhere. But yeah. I got to chill. And I'm trying to lay down some roots in New York. I'm trying to like, I laid down roots in Los Angeles already comedically.

So I'm trying to get New York and try to get into these clubs and stuff.

So I'm trying to get New York and try to get into these clubs and stuff.

And just like really, really dig in to my comedic talents down there and build the family over there too, you know? Yeah. Where are you phoning in from right now? I'm in Rhode Island right now.

And just like really, really dig in to my comedic talents down there and build the family over there too, you know? Yeah. Where are you phoning in from right now? I'm in Rhode Island right now.

Women.

Women.

No, no, no, no, no. My girl out here, we got a dog. I got a whole family out here. Oh. And it's peaceful out here. You know what I'm saying?

No, no, no, no, no. My girl out here, we got a dog. I got a whole family out here. Oh. And it's peaceful out here. You know what I'm saying?

I wanted to come into the studio, but I never know where I'm going to be. So I'm just like, let me just do remotely because I could get up and leave. I'm to the point in my life, I could just go to the airport if I need to leave that morning. And hopefully there'll be a flight left, you know what I'm saying? But it's just, I'm trying to find balance.

I wanted to come into the studio, but I never know where I'm going to be. So I'm just like, let me just do remotely because I could get up and leave. I'm to the point in my life, I could just go to the airport if I need to leave that morning. And hopefully there'll be a flight left, you know what I'm saying? But it's just, I'm trying to find balance.

First of all, I am childish and petty. And see, this is how I get in trouble in all my relationships because I don't take none serious until somebody snap. And that's when I'm like, oh, my bad, my bad. Let's talk about it. But I'm mad childish. Like I just be messing with people all the time. Like I never stop. I'm never on pause. And that's the childish side.

First of all, I am childish and petty. And see, this is how I get in trouble in all my relationships because I don't take none serious until somebody snap. And that's when I'm like, oh, my bad, my bad. Let's talk about it. But I'm mad childish. Like I just be messing with people all the time. Like I never stop. I'm never on pause. And that's the childish side.

Like with my lady, I'm always like roasting her or tickling her or scaring her. Oh God. Yeah. That's the childish part. Now, the petty part, I don't really talk about my feelings too much. So if something pisses me off, instead of expressing myself, I'll do something mad petty.

Like with my lady, I'm always like roasting her or tickling her or scaring her. Oh God. Yeah. That's the childish part. Now, the petty part, I don't really talk about my feelings too much. So if something pisses me off, instead of expressing myself, I'll do something mad petty.

Yeah. I concur. I'll do stupid stuff. Like I'll lock you out the house. I know you got the key, but instead of after we coming inside, instead of keeping it open for you to come in, I'll lock it. So then you got to get your key out, your purse and unlock it. Just stupid stuff.

Yeah. I concur. I'll do stupid stuff. Like I'll lock you out the house. I know you got the key, but instead of after we coming inside, instead of keeping it open for you to come in, I'll lock it. So then you got to get your key out, your purse and unlock it. Just stupid stuff.

I'm a Taurus.

I'm a Taurus.

April. My birthday actually next week.

April. My birthday actually next week.

The 29th.

The 29th.

See, you mad petty, but you know what? You loyal. You're a loyal person. I would say so. You're loyal. You're a generous lover. You're a giver. Mm-hmm. What else? What else? The problem I have with us is we are stubborn to a T. Like the woman I'm with, she'll do stuff so I can fight for her. And I'll be like, look, I'm straight up. Like if we get into, or I'm not calling you.

See, you mad petty, but you know what? You loyal. You're a loyal person. I would say so. You're loyal. You're a generous lover. You're a giver. Mm-hmm. What else? What else? The problem I have with us is we are stubborn to a T. Like the woman I'm with, she'll do stuff so I can fight for her. And I'll be like, look, I'm straight up. Like if we get into, or I'm not calling you.

Like I'm that stubborn. If you be like, don't call, I'm not calling.

Like I'm that stubborn. If you be like, don't call, I'm not calling.

Exactly. No, no. You are not healed. Hold on. Are you kidding? Don't piss me off. Hold the phone. You are not healed. Y'all sit up there like, I'm the lawyer. But y'all are some baby cubs.

Exactly. No, no. You are not healed. Hold on. Are you kidding? Don't piss me off. Hold the phone. You are not healed. Y'all sit up there like, I'm the lawyer. But y'all are some baby cubs.

get her baby come get her again get her for me hell to the no your bossy very hard to hold yourself accountable for your shit i don't know how a gun is pointed in my direction right now absolutely it's loaded let me tell you that it's loaded see we know we wrong we'll say we wrong and we'll double down on being wrong leo never happened I don't even know that word.

get her baby come get her again get her for me hell to the no your bossy very hard to hold yourself accountable for your shit i don't know how a gun is pointed in my direction right now absolutely it's loaded let me tell you that it's loaded see we know we wrong we'll say we wrong and we'll double down on being wrong leo never happened I don't even know that word.

You know what? SNL 50 was, I was kind of low key speechless like I am now. Just to be like in that building with all that talent, with all the people I've looked up to in all my life, never thinking I would be in the same room or at the same table with these people. It was amazing. It was overwhelming in the most positive way. But my favorite part is chilling with Pedro and Whoopi.

You know what? SNL 50 was, I was kind of low key speechless like I am now. Just to be like in that building with all that talent, with all the people I've looked up to in all my life, never thinking I would be in the same room or at the same table with these people. It was amazing. It was overwhelming in the most positive way. But my favorite part is chilling with Pedro and Whoopi.

That was the highlight of my SNL 50. Just coming up, Whoopi was my favorite. She's the reason why I got into this. She's the reason I'm writing a one-woman show. She is my reason for a lot of this in this business. I cried like a bitch when I met her. Yeah.

That was the highlight of my SNL 50. Just coming up, Whoopi was my favorite. She's the reason why I got into this. She's the reason I'm writing a one-woman show. She is my reason for a lot of this in this business. I cried like a bitch when I met her. Yeah.

I didn't mean to do it. And I was telling her, I was like, I don't mean to be like this. But she let me melt in her arms. I thought she was going to be like, if you don't get away from me. But she wasn't. She was open and caring and loving. And I was just like, oh, man, that was dope. What a place to weep. So hopefully she'd be my mama in something. Yeah, it was a moment. Wow.

I didn't mean to do it. And I was telling her, I was like, I don't mean to be like this. But she let me melt in her arms. I thought she was going to be like, if you don't get away from me. But she wasn't. She was open and caring and loving. And I was just like, oh, man, that was dope. What a place to weep. So hopefully she'd be my mama in something. Yeah, it was a moment. Wow.

Where Whoopi is just like, and you know, I'm from New Orleans. We don't get starstruck. That's not really like a thing. Cause like when Katrina happened, a whole bunch of stars, even like, I think like Brad Pitt was out there and they just be comfortable because the people in New Orleans just let you be. Like Brad would be out there riding his bike. He'd be like, all right, Brad, how you doing?

Where Whoopi is just like, and you know, I'm from New Orleans. We don't get starstruck. That's not really like a thing. Cause like when Katrina happened, a whole bunch of stars, even like, I think like Brad Pitt was out there and they just be comfortable because the people in New Orleans just let you be. Like Brad would be out there riding his bike. He'd be like, all right, Brad, how you doing?

Like no one's trying to take a picture with you. Like it's real. People just really be chilling. And I worked at the world famous comedy store. So the stars come in and out all the time. So you're not really allowed to like, you know, interact with them. So I just be chilling. But Whoopi, She messed me up.

Like no one's trying to take a picture with you. Like it's real. People just really be chilling. And I worked at the world famous comedy store. So the stars come in and out all the time. So you're not really allowed to like, you know, interact with them. So I just be chilling. But Whoopi, She messed me up.

Yeah. I went crazy.

Yeah. I went crazy.

Yeah. Pedro, he's just the sweetest. Like me and him just, that's when we did, if I'm not mistaken, the first Lisa from Temecula. Just sitting at that table with him doing rehearsals and stuff and like connecting with him and getting to know him and talking to him about his business and how he got into it.

Yeah. Pedro, he's just the sweetest. Like me and him just, that's when we did, if I'm not mistaken, the first Lisa from Temecula. Just sitting at that table with him doing rehearsals and stuff and like connecting with him and getting to know him and talking to him about his business and how he got into it.

And, you know, cause it's hard to watch him when he's in movies and television being a bad guy.

And, you know, cause it's hard to watch him when he's in movies and television being a bad guy.

You know how somebody, like your boy from Why Did I Get Married? I will never forgive him for the way he treated Sheila. So you know how you look at something and you be like, I will never, I will beat this. And Charles.

You know how somebody, like your boy from Why Did I Get Married? I will never forgive him for the way he treated Sheila. So you know how you look at something and you be like, I will never, I will beat this. And Charles.

Yes. You're like, I'm not separating the art from the artist. No. And Charles from Diary of a Mad Black Woman. Like, if I see him, I will slap him. I don't care that it was a movie. It's going down, bro. Because why is you dragging women out the house like that, bro? Don't do that. And I'm still pissed. For some reason, Pedro, seeing him, I didn't feel like that with him.

Yes. You're like, I'm not separating the art from the artist. No. And Charles from Diary of a Mad Black Woman. Like, if I see him, I will slap him. I don't care that it was a movie. It's going down, bro. Because why is you dragging women out the house like that, bro? Don't do that. And I'm still pissed. For some reason, Pedro, seeing him, I didn't feel like that with him.

Because he's the bad guy in a lot of things. And he don't even seem like he can be. He's so sweet.

Because he's the bad guy in a lot of things. And he don't even seem like he can be. He's so sweet.

And that's acting. That's what I'm saying. That's how you know he's a good actor. Yeah. Because I'll never forgive him for killing your girl in Equalizer 2. Like, bro, that was messed up. Yeah. So he just, he's like, he's like some really good sweet fruit that you'll eat on a hot day. Just so refreshing. Like give me a bowl of them mangoes and them strawberries.

And that's acting. That's what I'm saying. That's how you know he's a good actor. Yeah. Because I'll never forgive him for killing your girl in Equalizer 2. Like, bro, that was messed up. Yeah. So he just, he's like, he's like some really good sweet fruit that you'll eat on a hot day. Just so refreshing. Like give me a bowl of them mangoes and them strawberries.

I saw it. But it's just like with him, first of all, you're not obligated to do the show. So if you're going to do something like that, then why do it?

I saw it. But it's just like with him, first of all, you're not obligated to do the show. So if you're going to do something like that, then why do it?

I don't know. I don't like when people be disrespecting the cast and stuff like that. Because it's like, don't do that.

I don't know. I don't like when people be disrespecting the cast and stuff like that. Because it's like, don't do that.

You know how to get down. And it's a respect thing for me. Like, don't be rude. If you don't want to be here, then don't be here. It's just that simple. And what did he say? Back to God's land or whatever? Yes.

You know how to get down. And it's a respect thing for me. Like, don't be rude. If you don't want to be here, then don't be here. It's just that simple. And what did he say? Back to God's land or whatever? Yes.

I don't know, man. Hopefully he won't go back, but he probably will. Anything controversial, like to get the people watching, they're going to do it. Because why not?

I don't know, man. Hopefully he won't go back, but he probably will. Anything controversial, like to get the people watching, they're going to do it. Because why not?

Wherever the hell I'm at. God is in you.

Wherever the hell I'm at. God is in you.

You could tell he probably read that somewhere and was like, oh, I can't wait to try this one on somebody. The next one I pick up, I'm exercising it out.

You could tell he probably read that somewhere and was like, oh, I can't wait to try this one on somebody. The next one I pick up, I'm exercising it out.

You know who was surprisingly mad down to earth and I thought she wasn't going to be? Kim Kardashian. Because, you know, sometimes a billionaire will come on the show. Just meeting billionaires or people who's like made it in their life. Some of them are pretty rude to you just because, you know, if you're not on a status level, they don't really respect you.

You know who was surprisingly mad down to earth and I thought she wasn't going to be? Kim Kardashian. Because, you know, sometimes a billionaire will come on the show. Just meeting billionaires or people who's like made it in their life. Some of them are pretty rude to you just because, you know, if you're not on a status level, they don't really respect you.

So when she came in, I really was very shocked that she was like one of the homies. I would talk to Kim and you would think we've been friends since we were kids. Like that's how the bonding was. And her willing to trash Kanye on the monologue. I was like, yep, that's my level of petty right there. He's a childish check.

So when she came in, I really was very shocked that she was like one of the homies. I would talk to Kim and you would think we've been friends since we were kids. Like that's how the bonding was. And her willing to trash Kanye on the monologue. I was like, yep, that's my level of petty right there. He's a childish check.

Check, check, check. And Kim is so small. And I'm not talking about small, like skinny, look like a stick small. She's very tiny. She's a very short, short woman. And I thought she was going to be, the TV makes her look a little extended to me. So when I met her, and I'm small, I'm like five, four and a half or something. And she's smaller than me. Shout out to five, four. Important community.

Check, check, check. And Kim is so small. And I'm not talking about small, like skinny, look like a stick small. She's very tiny. She's a very short, short woman. And I thought she was going to be, the TV makes her look a little extended to me. So when I met her, and I'm small, I'm like five, four and a half or something. And she's smaller than me. Shout out to five, four. Important community.

Okay. Yep. Yep. All my shoes are three inches because I'm so short. Yeah.

Okay. Yep. Yep. All my shoes are three inches because I'm so short. Yeah.

Perfect.

Perfect.

You said, I didn't say all that. I would prefer a Leo over a Libra. Libra, something wrong with Libras. Not Libras catching strays. Libras and Pisces could mad kiss my, and Gemini could mad kiss my ass.

You said, I didn't say all that. I would prefer a Leo over a Libra. Libra, something wrong with Libras. Not Libras catching strays. Libras and Pisces could mad kiss my, and Gemini could mad kiss my ass.

You know, I can't speak for other people, but I kind of love getting picked on. It's funny. Like when people say like gay jokes and stuff, I be laughing my ass off. I'd be like, yo, that's mad funny, dog. But you know, I was raised around a family where we roasted and ribbed each other. And we kind of love each other by talking stupid to each other.

You know, I can't speak for other people, but I kind of love getting picked on. It's funny. Like when people say like gay jokes and stuff, I be laughing my ass off. I'd be like, yo, that's mad funny, dog. But you know, I was raised around a family where we roasted and ribbed each other. And we kind of love each other by talking stupid to each other.

Like if I wake up and my brother texts me and say, hey, baby, I love you. Have a good day. I'm going to call him because I'm going to think something's wrong.

Like if I wake up and my brother texts me and say, hey, baby, I love you. Have a good day. I'm going to call him because I'm going to think something's wrong.

I'm used to you dumb bitch everybody kiss my I'm used to waking up to text messages like this from my family so I've been in a world where you just you know we picking we I don't know but I didn't think the joke was that harsh and also she's a beautiful woman there's nothing wrong with her teeth they kind of just you know that's the point of the joke is to kind of just overdo it be a little bit more dramatic but she's a beautiful woman I was sad that she was sad I you know can't tell nobody how to feel but I wish she would have

I'm used to you dumb bitch everybody kiss my I'm used to waking up to text messages like this from my family so I've been in a world where you just you know we picking we I don't know but I didn't think the joke was that harsh and also she's a beautiful woman there's nothing wrong with her teeth they kind of just you know that's the point of the joke is to kind of just overdo it be a little bit more dramatic but she's a beautiful woman I was sad that she was sad I you know can't tell nobody how to feel but I wish she would have

laughed at it more than, you know, be hurt by it. But she was hurt.

laughed at it more than, you know, be hurt by it. But she was hurt.

Yeah. Bring it. Bring it. That's very honest. Some of the meanest things I've ever heard. Even my mom will be going in on me.

Yeah. Bring it. Bring it. That's very honest. Some of the meanest things I've ever heard. Even my mom will be going in on me.

Straight up just catching shade from everywhere. My mama, my daddy, everybody. Talk about my duck feet. I walk like a penguin. I eat like a hamster. Like, I be like, bro, I can't have like a second of peace. No.

Straight up just catching shade from everywhere. My mama, my daddy, everybody. Talk about my duck feet. I walk like a penguin. I eat like a hamster. Like, I be like, bro, I can't have like a second of peace. No.

First of all, gang ghetto is fake. It's real, but it's not like I do not like the internet. I want to stay off of it. But unfortunately, that's just not the way right now. You got to be on it. So I found something that forces me to be on the internet. I made up this podcast. I do talk on it, but I don't expect downloads or listeners.

First of all, gang ghetto is fake. It's real, but it's not like I do not like the internet. I want to stay off of it. But unfortunately, that's just not the way right now. You got to be on it. So I found something that forces me to be on the internet. I made up this podcast. I do talk on it, but I don't expect downloads or listeners.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because it is so ghetto. I don't edit it. If they got dogs barking, you hear the dogs barking. If my mama slamming pots in New Orleans when I do it, then you gonna hear the pots slamming. I don't fix it. If I stutter, you get the stutter. I don't care what's going on. Sirens, people fighting outside. Sometimes I acknowledge it and sometimes I don't.

Because it is so ghetto. I don't edit it. If they got dogs barking, you hear the dogs barking. If my mama slamming pots in New Orleans when I do it, then you gonna hear the pots slamming. I don't fix it. If I stutter, you get the stutter. I don't care what's going on. Sirens, people fighting outside. Sometimes I acknowledge it and sometimes I don't.

One time I was doing it and my girl called me and I was so pissed. And you hit me on the thing saying, this damn bitch told I was up here doing a podcast.

One time I was doing it and my girl called me and I was so pissed. And you hit me on the thing saying, this damn bitch told I was up here doing a podcast.

It's just unfiltered. And, you know, I don't really be feeling like doing an hour, you know, for people that got ADHD like me. So I'll do like 15 minutes, 20 minutes, you know.

It's just unfiltered. And, you know, I don't really be feeling like doing an hour, you know, for people that got ADHD like me. So I'll do like 15 minutes, 20 minutes, you know.

When I feel like taking it a little more serious, you'll know because I'll put it on Spotify and stuff.

When I feel like taking it a little more serious, you'll know because I'll put it on Spotify and stuff.

I'll put it on a real podcast website. Yeah.

I'll put it on a real podcast website. Yeah.

Oh, that's gay. That's gay and ghetto. It's gay and ghetto, yeah. I don't even know you like that. That's gay, ghetto, and desperate. Drag them. Gay, ghetto, desperate, and unnecessary.

Oh, that's gay. That's gay and ghetto. It's gay and ghetto, yeah. I don't even know you like that. That's gay, ghetto, and desperate. Drag them. Gay, ghetto, desperate, and unnecessary.

Oh, New York is ghetto.

Oh, New York is ghetto.

Someone has to say it. But I love New York. I love New York. I will never move back to Los Angeles because I went to NYC. I love everything about that ghetto-ass town.

Someone has to say it. But I love New York. I love New York. I will never move back to Los Angeles because I went to NYC. I love everything about that ghetto-ass town.

On certain sides.

On certain sides.

Neither. I like tattoos. I wish I could get them. Oh, you don't have any? I have hidden tattoos, but for acting purposes, I don't get them because I want there to be one less thing to stop me from getting a job.

Neither. I like tattoos. I wish I could get them. Oh, you don't have any? I have hidden tattoos, but for acting purposes, I don't get them because I want there to be one less thing to stop me from getting a job.

If they know you got tattoos, they'll be like, we might have to do extra stuff to her. That could be a quicker no than a yes, you know? Yeah. That's true.

If they know you got tattoos, they'll be like, we might have to do extra stuff to her. That could be a quicker no than a yes, you know? Yeah. That's true.

That's ghetto. That's gang. Why would you ruin our friend group? Why would you do that? We were a posse. Y'all not going to stay together forever. I hate it.

That's ghetto. That's gang. Why would you ruin our friend group? Why would you do that? We were a posse. Y'all not going to stay together forever. I hate it.

Being bi-coastal. Hmm. Let's call that one gay. That's gay.

Being bi-coastal. Hmm. Let's call that one gay. That's gay.

Because that's not better. If you could be bi-coastal, you'd run with it. You're doing a different tax bracket thing.

Because that's not better. If you could be bi-coastal, you'd run with it. You're doing a different tax bracket thing.

Yeah, that's just gay, man. Because nine times out of ten, if people are bi-coastal, sometimes it's not even for work. Sometimes it's for a relationship, and that's just gay. Okay. Not too much. Not too loud.

Yeah, that's just gay, man. Because nine times out of ten, if people are bi-coastal, sometimes it's not even for work. Sometimes it's for a relationship, and that's just gay. Okay. Not too much. Not too loud.

Y'all don't play no games over here. I like this podcast. Y'all be like, boop, boop. Period. Y'all know how to keep the listener. So y'all get in, y'all get out. Y'all don't do the dragging and all of that stuff.

Y'all don't play no games over here. I like this podcast. Y'all be like, boop, boop. Period. Y'all know how to keep the listener. So y'all get in, y'all get out. Y'all don't do the dragging and all of that stuff.

Whenever I am on the internet, just follow me at Punky Johnson. Right now, I'm just chilling, thugging. I'm writing a movie.

Whenever I am on the internet, just follow me at Punky Johnson. Right now, I'm just chilling, thugging. I'm writing a movie.

Lauren Michaels producing it. Love. And I'm going to do my special sometime this summer. So it's going to be lit. It's going to be lit.

Lauren Michaels producing it. Love. And I'm going to do my special sometime this summer. So it's going to be lit. It's going to be lit.

Yeah. I'm about to go follow y'all and DM y'all.

Yeah. I'm about to go follow y'all and DM y'all.

I appreciate y'all, man. Y'all have a wonderful week.

I appreciate y'all, man. Y'all have a wonderful week.

But now I'm hearing you.

But now I'm hearing you.

You know what? I thought you was about to tell me what happened today. Like I was like, oh no, break.

I think I could be a portion of both.

Do I have to pick one?

Oh, sorry. Tourist season, okay. I'm more of a lover than a hater.

Yeah.

I'll take that.

Oh, lover. Big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big love her. Yeah.

That was dope. No, that shook the table in more ways than one. It was spot on because that's my mom. Okay.

I think we all do. Because when my mama look at the server and say, well done, it's like she say from the diaphragm and she mean well done.

And you know, she's shaking the table. And I'm like, bro, do you have to get it well done every time? We can't get a little bit of pink? She'd be like, a little bit of pink? That's your problem. That's why I said, you know, I shouldn't have sent you to that white school. We don't do a little bit of pink over here.

I'm very different from my mother because I have been more well-rounded. In New Orleans, we don't get too much well-rounding. Every culture kind of stick to themselves. So if I didn't leave New Orleans, I wouldn't like medium rare or medium or sometimes I'll get it rare. I wouldn't experiment with the steaks.

It's actually very delicious. Hunter's Oklahoma then came out. It's very juicy and it's super, super tender. And I can't order that in front of my mom. She'll never talk to me. She'll never speak to me again, but it's really, really delicious.

Since my departure from SNL, I put that on a little pause. Okay. Because, honestly, traveling just does so much to my body, and it really hurts. And I'm aging now, so I can't just be out. And when I travel, I don't just travel. I don't just be like, oh, okay, we're in the city. I go, I eat, I meet the people, I go on adventures, I'm drinking, I'm I mean, I'm partying Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

And then I'm dead Monday, Tuesday. And then I'm preparing to go back and do it on Wednesday, Thursday. It takes me like two days to prepare. So it's very sporadic right now. So like every other month, I might go do a weekend somewhere. But yeah. I got to chill. And I'm trying to lay down some roots in New York. I'm trying to like, I laid down roots in Los Angeles already comedically.

So I'm trying to get New York and try to get into these clubs and stuff.

And just like really, really dig in to my comedic talents down there and build the family over there too, you know? Yeah. Where are you phoning in from right now? I'm in Rhode Island right now.

Women.

No, no, no, no, no. My girl out here, we got a dog. I got a whole family out here. Oh. And it's peaceful out here. You know what I'm saying?

I wanted to come into the studio, but I never know where I'm going to be. So I'm just like, let me just do remotely because I could get up and leave. I'm to the point in my life, I could just go to the airport if I need to leave that morning. And hopefully there'll be a flight left, you know what I'm saying? But it's just, I'm trying to find balance.

First of all, I am childish and petty. And see, this is how I get in trouble in all my relationships because I don't take none serious until somebody snap. And that's when I'm like, oh, my bad, my bad. Let's talk about it. But I'm mad childish. Like I just be messing with people all the time. Like I never stop. I'm never on pause. And that's the childish side.

Like with my lady, I'm always like roasting her or tickling her or scaring her. Oh God. Yeah. That's the childish part. Now, the petty part, I don't really talk about my feelings too much. So if something pisses me off, instead of expressing myself, I'll do something mad petty.

Yeah. I concur. I'll do stupid stuff. Like I'll lock you out the house. I know you got the key, but instead of after we coming inside, instead of keeping it open for you to come in, I'll lock it. So then you got to get your key out, your purse and unlock it. Just stupid stuff.

I'm a Taurus.

April. My birthday actually next week.

The 29th.

See, you mad petty, but you know what? You loyal. You're a loyal person. I would say so. You're loyal. You're a generous lover. You're a giver. Mm-hmm. What else? What else? The problem I have with us is we are stubborn to a T. Like the woman I'm with, she'll do stuff so I can fight for her. And I'll be like, look, I'm straight up. Like if we get into, or I'm not calling you.

Like I'm that stubborn. If you be like, don't call, I'm not calling.

Exactly. No, no. You are not healed. Hold on. Are you kidding? Don't piss me off. Hold the phone. You are not healed. Y'all sit up there like, I'm the lawyer. But y'all are some baby cubs.

get her baby come get her again get her for me hell to the no your bossy very hard to hold yourself accountable for your shit i don't know how a gun is pointed in my direction right now absolutely it's loaded let me tell you that it's loaded see we know we wrong we'll say we wrong and we'll double down on being wrong leo never happened I don't even know that word.

You know what? SNL 50 was, I was kind of low key speechless like I am now. Just to be like in that building with all that talent, with all the people I've looked up to in all my life, never thinking I would be in the same room or at the same table with these people. It was amazing. It was overwhelming in the most positive way. But my favorite part is chilling with Pedro and Whoopi.

That was the highlight of my SNL 50. Just coming up, Whoopi was my favorite. She's the reason why I got into this. She's the reason I'm writing a one-woman show. She is my reason for a lot of this in this business. I cried like a bitch when I met her. Yeah.

I didn't mean to do it. And I was telling her, I was like, I don't mean to be like this. But she let me melt in her arms. I thought she was going to be like, if you don't get away from me. But she wasn't. She was open and caring and loving. And I was just like, oh, man, that was dope. What a place to weep. So hopefully she'd be my mama in something. Yeah, it was a moment. Wow.

Where Whoopi is just like, and you know, I'm from New Orleans. We don't get starstruck. That's not really like a thing. Cause like when Katrina happened, a whole bunch of stars, even like, I think like Brad Pitt was out there and they just be comfortable because the people in New Orleans just let you be. Like Brad would be out there riding his bike. He'd be like, all right, Brad, how you doing?

Like no one's trying to take a picture with you. Like it's real. People just really be chilling. And I worked at the world famous comedy store. So the stars come in and out all the time. So you're not really allowed to like, you know, interact with them. So I just be chilling. But Whoopi, She messed me up.

Yeah. I went crazy.

Yeah. Pedro, he's just the sweetest. Like me and him just, that's when we did, if I'm not mistaken, the first Lisa from Temecula. Just sitting at that table with him doing rehearsals and stuff and like connecting with him and getting to know him and talking to him about his business and how he got into it.

And, you know, cause it's hard to watch him when he's in movies and television being a bad guy.

You know how somebody, like your boy from Why Did I Get Married? I will never forgive him for the way he treated Sheila. So you know how you look at something and you be like, I will never, I will beat this. And Charles.

Yes. You're like, I'm not separating the art from the artist. No. And Charles from Diary of a Mad Black Woman. Like, if I see him, I will slap him. I don't care that it was a movie. It's going down, bro. Because why is you dragging women out the house like that, bro? Don't do that. And I'm still pissed. For some reason, Pedro, seeing him, I didn't feel like that with him.

Because he's the bad guy in a lot of things. And he don't even seem like he can be. He's so sweet.

And that's acting. That's what I'm saying. That's how you know he's a good actor. Yeah. Because I'll never forgive him for killing your girl in Equalizer 2. Like, bro, that was messed up. Yeah. So he just, he's like, he's like some really good sweet fruit that you'll eat on a hot day. Just so refreshing. Like give me a bowl of them mangoes and them strawberries.

I saw it. But it's just like with him, first of all, you're not obligated to do the show. So if you're going to do something like that, then why do it?

I don't know. I don't like when people be disrespecting the cast and stuff like that. Because it's like, don't do that.

You know how to get down. And it's a respect thing for me. Like, don't be rude. If you don't want to be here, then don't be here. It's just that simple. And what did he say? Back to God's land or whatever? Yes.

I don't know, man. Hopefully he won't go back, but he probably will. Anything controversial, like to get the people watching, they're going to do it. Because why not?

Wherever the hell I'm at. God is in you.

You could tell he probably read that somewhere and was like, oh, I can't wait to try this one on somebody. The next one I pick up, I'm exercising it out.

You know who was surprisingly mad down to earth and I thought she wasn't going to be? Kim Kardashian. Because, you know, sometimes a billionaire will come on the show. Just meeting billionaires or people who's like made it in their life. Some of them are pretty rude to you just because, you know, if you're not on a status level, they don't really respect you.

So when she came in, I really was very shocked that she was like one of the homies. I would talk to Kim and you would think we've been friends since we were kids. Like that's how the bonding was. And her willing to trash Kanye on the monologue. I was like, yep, that's my level of petty right there. He's a childish check.

Check, check, check. And Kim is so small. And I'm not talking about small, like skinny, look like a stick small. She's very tiny. She's a very short, short woman. And I thought she was going to be, the TV makes her look a little extended to me. So when I met her, and I'm small, I'm like five, four and a half or something. And she's smaller than me. Shout out to five, four. Important community.

Okay. Yep. Yep. All my shoes are three inches because I'm so short. Yeah.

Perfect.

You said, I didn't say all that. I would prefer a Leo over a Libra. Libra, something wrong with Libras. Not Libras catching strays. Libras and Pisces could mad kiss my, and Gemini could mad kiss my ass.

You know, I can't speak for other people, but I kind of love getting picked on. It's funny. Like when people say like gay jokes and stuff, I be laughing my ass off. I'd be like, yo, that's mad funny, dog. But you know, I was raised around a family where we roasted and ribbed each other. And we kind of love each other by talking stupid to each other.

Like if I wake up and my brother texts me and say, hey, baby, I love you. Have a good day. I'm going to call him because I'm going to think something's wrong.

I'm used to you dumb bitch everybody kiss my I'm used to waking up to text messages like this from my family so I've been in a world where you just you know we picking we I don't know but I didn't think the joke was that harsh and also she's a beautiful woman there's nothing wrong with her teeth they kind of just you know that's the point of the joke is to kind of just overdo it be a little bit more dramatic but she's a beautiful woman I was sad that she was sad I you know can't tell nobody how to feel but I wish she would have

laughed at it more than, you know, be hurt by it. But she was hurt.

Yeah. Bring it. Bring it. That's very honest. Some of the meanest things I've ever heard. Even my mom will be going in on me.

Straight up just catching shade from everywhere. My mama, my daddy, everybody. Talk about my duck feet. I walk like a penguin. I eat like a hamster. Like, I be like, bro, I can't have like a second of peace. No.

First of all, gang ghetto is fake. It's real, but it's not like I do not like the internet. I want to stay off of it. But unfortunately, that's just not the way right now. You got to be on it. So I found something that forces me to be on the internet. I made up this podcast. I do talk on it, but I don't expect downloads or listeners.

Yeah.

Because it is so ghetto. I don't edit it. If they got dogs barking, you hear the dogs barking. If my mama slamming pots in New Orleans when I do it, then you gonna hear the pots slamming. I don't fix it. If I stutter, you get the stutter. I don't care what's going on. Sirens, people fighting outside. Sometimes I acknowledge it and sometimes I don't.

One time I was doing it and my girl called me and I was so pissed. And you hit me on the thing saying, this damn bitch told I was up here doing a podcast.

It's just unfiltered. And, you know, I don't really be feeling like doing an hour, you know, for people that got ADHD like me. So I'll do like 15 minutes, 20 minutes, you know.

When I feel like taking it a little more serious, you'll know because I'll put it on Spotify and stuff.

I'll put it on a real podcast website. Yeah.

Oh, that's gay. That's gay and ghetto. It's gay and ghetto, yeah. I don't even know you like that. That's gay, ghetto, and desperate. Drag them. Gay, ghetto, desperate, and unnecessary.

Oh, New York is ghetto.

Someone has to say it. But I love New York. I love New York. I will never move back to Los Angeles because I went to NYC. I love everything about that ghetto-ass town.

On certain sides.

Neither. I like tattoos. I wish I could get them. Oh, you don't have any? I have hidden tattoos, but for acting purposes, I don't get them because I want there to be one less thing to stop me from getting a job.

If they know you got tattoos, they'll be like, we might have to do extra stuff to her. That could be a quicker no than a yes, you know? Yeah. That's true.

That's ghetto. That's gang. Why would you ruin our friend group? Why would you do that? We were a posse. Y'all not going to stay together forever. I hate it.

Being bi-coastal. Hmm. Let's call that one gay. That's gay.

Because that's not better. If you could be bi-coastal, you'd run with it. You're doing a different tax bracket thing.

Yeah, that's just gay, man. Because nine times out of ten, if people are bi-coastal, sometimes it's not even for work. Sometimes it's for a relationship, and that's just gay. Okay. Not too much. Not too loud.

Y'all don't play no games over here. I like this podcast. Y'all be like, boop, boop. Period. Y'all know how to keep the listener. So y'all get in, y'all get out. Y'all don't do the dragging and all of that stuff.

Whenever I am on the internet, just follow me at Punky Johnson. Right now, I'm just chilling, thugging. I'm writing a movie.

Lauren Michaels producing it. Love. And I'm going to do my special sometime this summer. So it's going to be lit. It's going to be lit.

Yeah. I'm about to go follow y'all and DM y'all.

I appreciate y'all, man. Y'all have a wonderful week.

But now I'm hearing you.