Nikki Glaser
Appearances
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Yeah, it started early. Like, I remember I wrote, you know, jokes for people who were doing the roasts early on, and then I did, Jeff Ross had a show called The Burn on Comedy Central, and I had a show on Comedy Central at the time, so they threw me on that, and I had a really good showing on that. I just knew it was a...
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
that I would really excel, and I needed to prove myself to Comedy Central for them to even consider me. So I worked really hard to do that TV show, and I did a great showing. And then people don't really want to do roasts. So it's like, you know, they probably asked Whitney Cummings that year. They asked Amy Schumer. And then they, Natasha Leggero, and they probably didn't want to do it.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And so they called up me and last minute, you know, you get booked like a week before and you go, okay. And then you have a good one. And then they asked you back the next time. And every time I kind of go, I don't know if I want to do this because it's so much work. And I would really, I would always have like a mental breakdown right before it and think, what am I doing?
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I'm going to bomb and like cry and have panic attacks about it. I don't know if you guys relate to that where you would say yes to things. Yeah. And then you do them and you go, I'll never do this again.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Because even tomorrow, sometimes I'm like, I'll be different tomorrow. But yeah, I'm always, that's such a great, but this though, I need time to prepare. So I don't know how to answer that, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. If someone asks me, I always want to do it because I'm like the exposure, the potential of it. And then you get in it and it's like destroying my relationships, destroying my life.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
It's making me self-doubt all the time. And then it's over and I'm like, that was the greatest. I can't wait to do it again. And then everyone in my life goes, what do you mean you want to do that again? But this time around, I actually implemented a system where I was happy the whole time and I know how to do it now and I can't wait to do it again. But the three before destroyed my life.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Yes. The dread. Every time. People have told me that no one hates what they are going to do more than you all the time. And then when I do it, even when I'm like about to go, when I'm on stage with a microphone having the time of my life, unless I'm like bomb, you know, like something's totally wrong. But as soon as I'm performing, I'm in it. I'm doing great.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
But dread constantly up until that moment. And I think that's just, I don't know, the way it goes.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
No, and I want to ask you guys about it too. Do you have goals or do you just keep saying yes to things as you go? And see where it takes you? Because I kind of just say yes to where it takes me. If you look at my credits, you see that I say yes to a lot of shit.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Regret it immediately. Try to get the rope off to no avail. Regret it immediately.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
But then, I've been trying to like manifest stuff, and I'm doing these manifest meditations where it's like, just picture your life with the thing you want. Feel that it's already happened, and then you drift off to sleep, and you try to get the feeling, not that you're doing the thing, but that you live in a world in which this is what you do. It's already happened.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
It's, what is his name? Neville Goddard. Neville Goddard. That's how everyone says his name on YouTube. But, yeah, please help.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
that's what I'm struggling with is like, I kind of like the way things are. And so I have an apartment. I don't like, I don't own a home. And so I'm like, you know what? I should own a home. So let me just visualize the home I'm in. And then I think about like, we got to get these cabinets redone. And then I'm like, oh, I got to call someone. Like I'm living in it.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And then I go, I got to call the landscaper. Like there's so much work that starts happening. I go, I don't want this house. Like, let me take me back to my apartment. So I'm kind of like, I just really like the way things are now. That's great. But I have goals of like, you know, SNL I think is a good goal. Like hosting SNL. That's a great goal for a celebrity person.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
That's happening in the fall. It's happened, right? Yes. I think it's happened. Have they approached you? It's happened. I think it's not yet, but there's been talks. There's whispering. They should get you.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
That's already manifested. So I got, yeah, I don't know. I don't know what's next, but what do you, what about Will and Jason? Do you guys goal it up?
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And I think I did it, that's what, why my, when I was in high school, I used to just tell my friends, oh, I used to be obsessed with Dave Matthews and my friends all were too. And I would say, oh, I'll just like meet him someday and like get to, I'm going to tell him like how I feel. And they were like, how would you meet him? And I'm like, well, I'm going to be famous. And they were like, what?
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
They just like, I remember their incredulousness of like that I thought that. And it was so obvious to me that that was going to happen and that I'll be in his sphere forever.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Yes and no. I mean, I think that's what I started pursuing initially in high school when I was like, how am I going to get... How am I going to meet Dave Matthews? I got to get... That was my real goal of being on TV. That's the only way I could be in his sphere. And when I met him, I said the word sphere several times. I tried to be in your sphere. It was really embarrassing.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
That did not come until way later. So I was like, okay, I'll be an actress. And I was not getting the parts in school plays. And I didn't even go to like a theater school. So it was like, you know, I was getting Townsperson B and stuff. So I was getting feedback like, this isn't for you to act.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Always be. And I would think I would get the lead. And then I'd be at the bottom of the list and I would cry. And then I'd go, oh, I guess I'll go do field hockey. And it was terrible at sports. So I was like, didn't really, but I was so depressed that it wasn't going to work out. I auditioned for theater school, didn't get in anywhere.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And I was really like, I guess I'll just like have to kill myself. That's great. Like, I really was thinking that because what's the point of living if you're not gonna be on TV and performing in some way? But I had no way to do it. I just thought acting's the only way. I had no idea there were other things. I didn't even look into it. I knew I couldn't sing or dance. What did your parents do?
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
My dad's in the cable business and my mom was just a homemaker. And so they were just, they were always supportive. And I come from a really funny family and they have great taste in comedy. So I was always consumed. My dad like introduced me to Conan when I was in like eighth grade. And I was like, you got to check out this show. And then that changed my life. And Seinfeld I was obsessed with.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And Friends. I was really, I loved comedy, but I wasn't, stand-up didn't, I didn't do much for me. I just wasn't even paying attention to it. And then I went to college and I was like... Long story short, I had like a terrible eating disorder because I was pretty much like, I just want to die. My life sucks and nothing's going the way I want it to.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And I have to go to college and figure out what I want to do for a living, but I don't want to do anything except... perform and I'm not good at that. And everyone tells me I'm not good at it. Like I was taking voice lessons to be a singer and my voice teacher like took my mom aside and said, this is a waste of your money. She doesn't have it.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And so I just was so discouraged. And then I just got an eating disorder that I was like, oh, I'll just die of this. And I really wanted to. I was really like slowly just dying. And then I was hospitalized. It was right after high school and I was going off to college. I was hospitalized over the summer and... And then I, you know, needed to get out of there. And so I lied.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And I was like, I just got to go away to college. And then I can like kind of die off alone without people monitoring what I'm eating. Oh my God, Nikki, this is awful. It's so sad. It's so sad. But I really was like, what's the point? I just didn't know what the point of life would be if I wasn't a performer.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Because I also, I wanted, I feel like my parents really pay attention to TV in a way that I always wanted to be paid attention to. And I think that's why I wanted to get on TV. Even though they love me so unconditionally, I just didn't feel it. the way that... I was just a very sensitive child. Anyway, they're great parents.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Well, they proved they loved... I'm still working on it, but I have theories that they do. But the love seems to amp up a little bit when I, you know, bring them to the Tom Brady roast. You know, like, there's a little bit more of text messages from my mom of, I've always loved you, like, finally.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
You just touch bottom and then just... Well, I was like ready to fucking go. Every night I would be like, please die in your sleep because I was just hungry all the time. And it's like, you know what it's like to be hungry, Jason.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And so it's, yeah, I was waiting for that to like just end it because I was cold all the time. I was hungry. I looked insane. So I couldn't really make friends because everyone's just like, this girl is like a skeleton who looks so weird and looks so brittle. And I was about to die and my hair is falling out. And I'm at my freshman year of college. I don't have any friends.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And I need to make some. So I think I just turned up my personality a lot just because I looked so crazy that I needed, the only way to make friends was to be larger than life. And so I started being funnier. I just like, it just was an adaptive trait.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I did because no one would like me otherwise. And then all of my friends, I got friends because I was funny and really outgoing. And all my friends would say, God, when we first saw you, we were like, who is that girl? And then we kind of forgot that you looked like that because people would go to my friends and be like, we're really worried about her.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And they'd be like, we don't even know what you're talking about because- I did really just overcompensate for how sick I was with my personality. And that's when people started going, you should be a stand-up comedian. Wow. And once I heard that, I go, okay, what's that? Okay. Amazing. I mean, I knew what it was, but then I Googled it, and I saw Sarah Silverman, and then that changed my world.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I didn't want to be made fun of. I wanted to be the first to make the joke about how thin I was or what. I wanted to be so extraordinary in my personality that no one would notice how scary I looked or how concerning. And so I think that was it.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
You know, like the fat kid in school can be the class clown or most, I had never experienced that before where my looks like made people talk about me and whisper about me and make fun of me. I always just in high school wanted to just disappear. I didn't want boys to make fun of me. I just was so scared of any attention. I wanted attention on stage when I told you you could.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
But I really was like... People from high school are just like, you are a comedian? Like, I just kind of was... I didn't really... I didn't make big waves in high school. But... And then when I turned it up, that's when people started telling me that. And then as soon as I looked into it, I was like, oh, of course this is it. I've always... I'm like writing comedy. I love comedy.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And then acting, the thing I found hard was like being someone else. I really think it was just, I was always trying to run away from who I was. And I finally found something that celebrated. I could say the weirdest things and the darkest things that I was ashamed of into a microphone. And then people like me more because of the things that I hate the most about myself.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
which is the reason that mental illness exists is because people aren't being honest. And so that really helped me heal.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Say the honest thing and people can't even believe you're saying it because most people aren't honest at that level. And so whenever I'm on stage and I'm trying a new bit and it's not going well and I've kind of lost the audience and they know that I know, I just like, my trick for that is just to stop.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
But that's the struggle, though, because I also want to be hot. Like, listen, we're all funny, but we all care about looking aesthetically.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
It's good. Okay. But yeah, we all care about what people think, like how we look. And then people go, but you're funny. You don't need to care. And it's like, well, it is a part of it. And it's honestly, that's, I'm being honest when I say I'm insecure about my looks. So that's still part of it for me. I can't help that I do care about my looks, even though, you know.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
They will say, in the comments, there was, it's insane that there are comments under every single clip or video or picture that is of you. David Spade told me, A while ago, he was like, you know, back when I did the Hollywood Minute during Weekend Update, that was the only time celebrities got like mocked mercilessly for like a minute.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
That was the only time that celebrities were being made fun of ever because it was just all- Stern used to do it a bit right before that, you know? Right. Okay, so there's like two outlets for it. And now it's all people do.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Yeah, you just want to get carjacked a little. Yeah. In the Midwest. Desperate to be. Yeah. I get what you mean. Well, the reason I like it is because if I'm in New York or LA, I can do a set every single night and I can feel like I'm not doing enough. And I could be doing a set tonight and getting stronger. And I could be doing a podcast. But in St. Louis, there's nothing much going on.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
So I feel like it's just kind of an escape. I'm a workaholic and I lock up my liquor on the coast and I go and I can go get it if I can get a key and like deliberately go get it. But it's not just waiting for me in my room in St. Louis. I kind of am away from work and don't have to drive myself crazy with it. And I can forget that all that stuff matters.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
When you really are in New York and L.A., you get sucked into the machine of like you've got to do more. It's not enough. And comparing yourself more, even though they're all waiting for you on Instagram to compare yourself to, I feel it more here, which is good sometimes. When I was doing the roast, I was like, I'll go to L.A. for a month and a half before that to get in the zone of like –
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
competitiveness and running my set every night and like feeling like I'm not enough and needing to prove myself. But I couldn't do that in St. Louis. I couldn't just like fly and do the roast. I would have come with this like Midwest ease. I needed to come in like strong and insecure.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Like, Wake up, go into my podcast room, which is next to my bedroom, do a podcast. Then I go to a Pilates class. Then I go to Starbucks and pretend to write. And then I, you know, that whole thing where you open up your laptop and then you just... That's a whole thing that I love.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
You guys are too famous to do that now. That's the fame I don't want to be is like where I can't go to Starbucks still and just sit in a coffee shop. It's coming. I got to really enjoy it while I got it. But yeah, I just sit there in online shop and then I go back home and play my guitar a little bit. Then I go to a voice lesson. I'm still trying to be a singer. So I just, yeah.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I'm at the Comedy Store podcast studio. Truly? I'm visiting LA and I wasn't going to fuck around with you guys. I wasn't going to trust my Wi-Fi at my hotel. I needed like a real studio. This is the real deal.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And then I go hang out with my parents, hang out with my niece and nephews. And then, you know.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
No, there totally is. I think that it would be so fun to do it. Yeah, I bet you'd be great. Being on set is really exhausting and boring sometimes.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
But what about the memory? I always wait to the last second for everything. So that doesn't work in acting. You can't be just like... you know, binging your lines right before and memorizing it. I'm sure sometimes that is the way it has to happen. But there's a lot of preparation and forethought that goes into being an actor and preparing.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And I feel like as a stand-up comedian, as long as I'm just showing up as myself, I can get the job done. Like, I don't like a lot of review. I don't like a lot of rehearsal. I don't like to critique myself because then I start to see the flaws. So with stand-up, I'm just like, I can just be in a conversation and just...
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
you know with someone and be like talking about something really sad and crying and then walk on stage and do it and then walk off and get right back to it I don't have to like get in a zone it just seems like a lot of work and I'm into now I would get jobs where I'm acting against people like you guys who have been doing it so long and I'd feel like I'm not good enough and their self-doubt would come in well we'd be judging you but you should Sean would have a spare rope and chair for you if things went wrong always standing by always standing by yeah
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Don't apologize for a joke and cancel culture. I'm just really not that interested in that stuff either. And I think that we like to pat ourselves... You know, every artist likes to pat themselves on the back like they changed the world. And some of it does. But I just... I don't know. I don't... I don't...
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I kind of just fell into it and it fits me, but I don't think of it as stand-ups are like above other. No. I think sometimes we have to think that because we feel so less than and that's why we do stand-up is because we didn't fit in any of the other ones.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I did. I did. I went back during COVID just to hang out with my parents and my family and then it lifted and I was just like, no one even knows I'm here. I can just go to LA and people in LA think I'm in New York and people in LA or New York think I'm in LA.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
But when people ask me about the process, it's always like, how do you write it? I think it's the same for most comedians. It's just you say something funny in conversation, and then you go, oh, I should maybe do something about that. And then you take out your phone, and the conversation comes to a halt, and everyone waits for you. And you go, wait, exactly how did I say it?
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And then you ruin the moment. And then I'm in the wings of the show before the show kind of going like, what should I do tonight? I'm kind of sick of my act as it is. And I'll look through and I'll go, oh, okay, maybe I'll throw that in. And then it just kind of happens on stage. But it's a lazy room.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Well, being on Smart List is a huge deal to me. Oh, yeah. You've done a huge favor.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
fucking funny and your show was so good and talk about vulnerability I mean that's but that's what we don't we all want that from our celebrities like I've always just wanted to see how they are I used to love the like the stars are just like us kind of things I used to really do love that And that's what I think podcasts have given us is that conversational quality and we get to really know you.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And some actors stink and they're not interesting at all in conversation. But you guys don't. You're so fucking funny. And yeah, I'm just like.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I just read that about St. Louis. We have the highest crime, but it's really... That can't be true.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Yeah, but you just got to avoid parts of town. But it's a segregated city. It's not the greatest for that. So you just, yeah. Yeah, we still have issues in St. Louis. Wow.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
They are. Everybody sounds gray on this just like me, so I'm not so dumb. It's confusing. I don't know if it's one that's separate, but no, I think they're separate. They have to be separate because they are in different... You can't have a city cut in two. Can you not? Maybe you can.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I think that's, I think, wait, Missouri claims that. They're both Missouri.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Wait, no, it's Kansas, wait, no, no. I think Kansas, oh my God. It's Kansas City, Missouri is the one that's like everyone knows about. Kansas City, Kansas is next to it.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
It's Missouri, yes. It's on the other side. St. Louis is on one side and Kansas City is on the other. And I did get started in comedy in Kansas City. So I know, I should know. I went to school in Kansas, in University of Kansas. Oh, you went to Lawrence. But I don't know these things. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
But they say KU. It's not a thing that makes sense where I'm from. Everything's all fucked up over there. I don't really like, I got to get out of there. I'm second guessing everything.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Yeah, because that's a good one that you can just use for anything. Like, yeah, I talk about, like, I have a bit about my boyfriend and, you know, we break up and date other people and then I look back at him and I just think, oh my God, like after dating all these guys, I'm just like, he's the best I can do. Right. So I've realized that I've recycled that one. Yeah, that works.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I didn't feel that way. I kind of was like, yeah, this... I've never been like, when is everyone going to notice? And I just kind of... I really just take what comes to me and I never really want to like fight for people to care about me. I want people to care about me on their own time. Yeah, yeah. So I've kind of been like, okay, when they do, they do. And felt pretty relaxed about it.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
But this was... I mean, it was insane. It was just like kind of an overnight thing that I never expected would happen in my career. I've always expected it just to be very slow and gradual. And I kind of liked the level of fame I had achieved. It's comfortable. I'm not that recognizable. My life isn't like disrupted by it ever, but there's some perks to it. And- Now it's changed.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I went for nothing, and I'm just good. It's like I can say no to things if I want, but now it's like it was a huge bump overnight, and I'm sure you guys have experienced that in your careers as well, and it's just we're just more people.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
They don't say that, thank God, because it would be so mean coming out right away. And sometimes I will go there, but no, thank God they don't do that. They just say, did we go to camp together? You know, that kind of thing. Because I usually look like shit when I'm traveling. So I don't really look that recognized. I don't buy that. I really do not look the same.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And your feelings do get hurt. Like you can go in thinking, oh, they're only going to go this far. And then they go further. I know I've seen it happen where they don't plan on you going there. And they don't, they just.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And to say that, like, I went some places on the Tom Brady roast that I thought other people would go to, and they didn't. And I was the only one that kind of said those names or brought up those subjects that were kind of sore for him. And it is crazy. Like, I've seen old roast clips of, like, I don't like to watch myself, so when I come up on my own feed, I'm like, ugh, get out of here.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
But when I was preparing for this roast, I was like... okay, try to channel what you've done in the past. You've got to watch what people like about you. I don't even, you know, I just do it and then I don't watch it again. So I'm just like, watch it again and see what you bring to this because it had been four years since I'd done one. So I watched one
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And I was like, who the fuck do you think you are saying this to people? You told Alec Baldwin all this? Like, what? Like, I just didn't recognize this girl. And I'm like, she's got balls, but she's also like a psychopath. Like, I just didn't, I really didn't, I couldn't believe that I did it. But I was like, I guess I have to channel that again.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And you really just, they're set, Tom Brady's just set in your periphery a little bit back enough that you can't really see him when you're performing. Right, right, right.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Yeah, I think he said that he, in hindsight, kind of regrets it. I don't really... He doesn't regret. He's glad he did it, but he didn't know that we would go some places. I don't really know how he feels about it, but I totally... See what he means.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Because I think you go into these things thinking that they're – you just don't know what people will dig up about you and see in you when they study you and look at your face.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I think – I think there was one joke at a Comedy Central one where it was about, it was like a Paul Walker joke that Ludacris was there and he's friends with him, obviously, and he got up and like walked off stage. I think there was, but they cut it later. I think there was something like that that happened. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
What happened? She does like self-help talks now. So she's like a motivational speaker now. But she got out of it because she was like, it's too mean.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And you can handle it. It's been off the air for a while. You can have some distance.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Yeah, the reaction shots are always the best. That really sells it too is that you got to have the person that you're making fun of when they're cutting to them live. That really will like make or break what people thought of your joke.