Nick Notas
Appearances
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
I was just Nerdy Nick and some beautiful woman was like, hey, I want to talk to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah. Author meetups. Okay. Any kind of like hiking or a run club. I love photography. I've taken all sorts of like cooking classes just because I think it's good to learn how to cook for yourself. Okay. Funny enough, I have a lot of clients who love rock climbing and that seems to be a huge success for them.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
I've enjoyed dance and I like music, so different forms of dance has been really fun but also really fruitful. I don't think you go there for that reason, but certain activities like dance tend to have a lot more women than men. And so if you are the fun guy enjoying yourself at a dance type event, you're going to get some people who want to engage you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
But honestly, at this point in my career, everything. I've had people have success at improv, people who go to museum nights where the Boston MFA, Museum of Fine Arts, has a first Friday where people can go the first Friday of every month, listen to music, drink, and look at art. I think
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
And honestly, I haven't really found too many avenues that aren't successful for being social or meeting women, unless it is very, very male dominated. But then that can be for you, right? If you want to go to an automotive meetup, just understand that's probably your guy's hobby. You need something else that also has women there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
I made a mistake going to some Reddit meetups thinking I'd meet some great women and was not the case.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
That's hilarious. I'm glad she had a positive response. Some women might be like, oh, my God, I'm chumming the water here.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah. Everything that I've done to meet women has enriched my life. Photography, I have a video lighting set up right now and I love photography and I use it for my children and all that, right? Um, music, I'm playing drums now and being able to play like with other people. Um, so yeah, it just starts with doing things that enrich you, that have fun.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
They stick with you for life and then they happen to also get you in front of cool people.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah, it's funny you say that. You know, the few friends that I know, now I have more of them, but growing up that were charismatic and sociable and great with women, they were almost always interesting people. It's never the guy who has nothing going on who practices pickup five days a week and women are like, oh my God, this guy's incredible.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
In fact, I have friends, I'm sure you do, that know nothing about this. And they just love living a great life and because of it, everybody wants to be part of it. And, uh, but it's ironic because for some reason I find maybe you do too. Most guys want like the hardest mode. Every guy's like, nah, I don't want to do all that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
I want to go like cold approaching women on the street or in a bar, even though I hate bars. And I'm like, oh, okay, it's fine if you want to. But I think that it's usually at least easier, uh, and more rewarding overall to do it a little bit more integrated as well.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah, exactly. A warm environment. You have some commonality. You guys are there for the same purpose. You might even know the same people. I'm a huge believer nowadays in environment. And being in that environment, you're not going to get a woman who is just completely curt and rude and standoffish in the middle of a class when you guys are interested in the same thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
And just that alone makes the connection so much more likely. You randomly talk to a woman at a bar or in the daytime on the street, their defenses are up. They don't know you. There's no context. They don't know anyone around you. And it's not saying it's impossible. And I've had tons of great success and I met my wife at a bar, so I can't lie. But it is just infinitely easier.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
But for some reason, I think a lot of men say, well, if I go to an event, there's only two women that I would want to talk to. If I go to a bar, there's 20. But sometimes, you know, I told you about this earlier, my friend Jason, he's almost exclusively meets people through those means. And even if he goes out and sees one or two people, the conversion rate of a connection skyrockets.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
He's not worried about talking to 20 people. He's worried about talking to two, and there's a good likelihood that it'll move forward.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah, and I think I heard this on your interview with Haley Quinn. Just, you know, Having that context puts people in a frame of like, I will give this a chance. And just like that switch of like, okay, they're here for the same reason. Let me be receptive to it. As opposed to, oh, this is a random person walking up to me and I'm at a default saying, oh, they have to prove why I should engage.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah. And you see it here. I've had guys who get 100 online matches. They go on a million dates and it's just whatever. Nobody takes it seriously. And then all of a sudden they meet one woman in person and all of a sudden they connect. Right. And I don't think it's because somehow those two people found each other in the universe. I think it's just the context.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
The environment makes it much more likely.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah, basically... At one point in my life, basically around 18 years old, everything kind of crumbled. So I was a nerd to start with, but I'm off to college and all of a sudden my dad gets really sick and has to close down his family business. My only girlfriend ever dumped me on our two-year anniversary. Find out a week later she's with somebody else.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
It's beautiful and especially things like self-improvement. It showcases – it's a good way to also these environments to convey your values, right? If you're going there proactively for a self-improvement seminar, you're probably somebody who's trying to be thoughtful, trying to grow, trying to do all those things. Funny enough, one of my clients, I introduced him to Brene Brown.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
He saw a woman in a coffee shop reading a Brene Brown book. He was like, oh my god, you're reading the new book. I love it, blah, blah, blah. Boom, done, right? Just off that one conversation piece.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
I did meet her once. She spoke at my wife's school, funny enough, and I was totally fawning over her. So I feel you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Well, if he only has nights, okay, and then finding events and activities is tough, you can even think of nightlife within – there's cultures within nightlife, right? So you can go to more of a video game bar, a speakeasy, more of a quiet sit-down kind of cocktail place that encourages conversation. And it will feel wildly different than a typical bar.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
So of course they can do their event research for at night. But also nightlife gets boxed into I think most – especially introverted nerdy guys are just like, oh my god, a lot of thumping clubs. Everyone is drunk. It's a sports bar or whatever. No, there's so much different, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Like there's a Miracle of Science bar in Cambridge where Harvard is and it's mostly Harvard graduates and MIT graduates and it's very low key and everybody's chilling and talking and there's another place called Saloon and it's a speakeasy downstairs where conversation is the point and it feels wildly different. And then you don't have to think about finding an event, booking it, signing up for it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
You can show up and I think it feels a lot more accessible.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
And then all my friends moved out of Boston because why would you want to go to college in Boston when you can go to California? So very quickly, I found myself alone, not really knowing how to meet women, meet people, and started probably, I don't know, six-month spiral of depression until I found, sadly at the time, the pickup artist industry.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
I love that. I think somebody, whoever's listening, there's meetup.com. Sometimes it can be hit or miss and sometimes it can be catered to an older demographic unless you're going to like the 20, 30 singles. I still think there's somewhere in the market. Somebody needs to create an app to do easy. Hey, here's something going on around you. Here's the type of stuff.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Let me just click on it and show up. I don't know of much that's there. I feel like Bumble tried it with their friends thing, but nobody's cracked the code. If somebody can have an easy app that gets people out without overthinking it, I think there's a huge market there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
My first take is always think of it as just one avenue. I rarely tell, unless somebody's like, I truly have no other time. And if they are getting a lot of success there and they're like, I just already have plenty of dates and I don't need anything more, sure. But I think of it as just one supplemental avenue.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
I still think you should work on learning to be sociable in person in some fashion for a multitude of reasons. But online dating is like black or white in the sense of it either works or it doesn't. And I tell guys if you're going to invest in online dating, you have to do the things that work. You have to get better pictures. You have to work at it. I'm sure you feel it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
A million guys come to us and they're like, I've been using online dating for two years and I get nothing. And their photos are horrible. And I'm like, why would you spend six months beating your head against the wall? Spend three hours. Get a photographer. Get a friend. Learn how to do it yourself and invest in making the most –
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
interesting version of yourself that you can present right and that's when it's worth it otherwise i think it can be pretty brutal and pretty frustrating and i just tell guys to try their best obviously give more advice in this but like realize that that's everyone's experience i think almost everybody male and female is like this is hard i have a i have to spend a lot of time there's a
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
So it's good. The numbers are whatever, 50% of new relationships are from online. So in that regard, I think it's great. But I have heard that Gen Z is starting to change and wanting to go back out more. So that's nice.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah, you're not going to change all that in 15 years. I think people think, well, that's weird nowadays. Nobody talks to anyone. You're not going to change the way people respond for thousands of years, right? No. And there's a principle in psychology called the contrast principle.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
So many women are like, I rarely get a guy to normally approach me in a nice environment or a class or whatever and have a normal conversation. And the guy that does stands out. And so this is probably controversial. I think theoretically online dating is harder than meeting people in person. Like practically it feels harder – like mentally it feels harder to get over your anxiety and stuff.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
And it started with the seed as an 18-year-old of, wow, if I could go out and meet beautiful women, this would be amazing. And just started devouring everything I could there, going out, doing horribly for months and months and months because I had no idea what I was doing at all, and then very quickly got some attention of some local pickup artist companies.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
But once you do, like I think you can go out for a night to a couple of classes, have a lot of good conversations and meet some women when I know guys spend a month and sometimes they can't even get a date, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
It's serendipity, right? I think every book and movie that is a romance geared towards women, it's always in person, right? There's like nothing about like, oh, my dream guy. We like texted for a while and then it happened.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
That was because email was fresh and was like this cool new thing, right? Now everyone's like, who wants to meet somebody on email? Yeah. So, yeah, it's amazing how much power that has. And something that you said that I think is true is, listen, I'm never going to show – I'm always going to tell people the truth, okay? And online dating is harder for certain people, right? You're a shorter guy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
I'm 5'8". The data is there, right? It doesn't mean it's impossible, but you have to try more.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
I just don't find those same limitations in person.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
You know, whether it's height, ethnicity, income level, background, whatever, because of eye contact, vibe, personality, sense of humor, all these things that are under your control or under your influence that a one-second look at a photo boils you down to that you can't overcome.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Spent the first couple of years doing that and realized there's a lot of good ideas here that teach people how to present themselves well, be charismatic, have good body language, but a lot of it is rooted in in insecurity, not helping you be actually confident or honest.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
And so I said, I want to be able to do this in a way that takes all these principles but helps somebody integrate it into their actual personality.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Thank you. Thank you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
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How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
And a good experiment for guys in big cities like New York, go spend two hours with headphones, walk around, and see how many women you find incredibly beautiful to be with guys that are shorter or that have the insecurities that you doubt about yourself. And you'll be like, oh, wow, it's everywhere.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah. And there's like platform boots that give you two inches. Right. I'm just kidding. But totally.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
07.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Interesting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
If you're curious, I do have a quick story somewhere that I don't know if I've shared anywhere.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah, well, I just want to say like what you're talking about is intention, right? If your intention is to share joy and be playful together and bring closeness, then it's great. As a fellow Bostonian – well, smartass from Boston, I'm with you, man. Like that's part of our humor. I just spent a party with friends and it was like four hours of them just roasting each other. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
And that's the way it is. For me – Yeah, this is going to sound really simple, but somebody once said attraction equals comfort plus sexuality. And I don't think it's that simple, but I think that's what a lot of guys don't understand is like if we wanted to boil men into like simple camps, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
There's a nice guy who is just very comfortable and very open and talks to you, but he never expresses his intentions and never has any level of sexuality. And a woman can't imagine being intimate with him. Then on the opposite end, there's a guy who has no comfort but is very sexual.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
One of my big turning points was the same thing. I went to a pickup artist conference. The final presenter said, okay, everybody put away your phones, give them up. We got something private that we're only going to show to a few, you know, tours. goes out, all of a sudden the video starts coming on and it's the Rocky theme song. I'm like, okay, what's going on? Same thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
And sometimes, unfortunately, women will still sleep with them because they're fulfilling a need that is important in an intimate connection. And I think if you can be somebody who truly cares about the person, wants to get to know them, wants to make them feel good, but then is saying like, I think sexuality is beautiful. I want to explore that with you. I want to express that with you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
That is like the gold. And that's kind of the mission I've been behind the last few years. I feel like... You know, we've lost the idea of healthy sexuality. It almost feels like because there's so much toxic sexuality and like advice of just there that it's almost like we're valedictorian era again. Like there's so much shame around sexuality again and expression around it and embracing it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
And I'd like to find a way to bring that back in a way that is like still valid. I say it's an invitation to explore intimacy together rather than I'm a guy trying to impose having sex with you. When you see it as a mutually beneficial, beautiful thing, then it's great. So comfort plus embracing your sexuality, I think, is a good foundation for building an intimate connection with someone.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah, I love improv. And also, by the way, I'll tell you for your coaching, I'm sure you know, for retreats, doing improv and role-playing games has been some of the most successful learning experiences for guys. So I think that would be a cool show and very educational. For me,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
I don't know what the outcome or the gamifying it would be, but it would be really cool to have men and women and people of all genders sit in a room and like talk about what they really want, what they find desirable to clear up misunderstandings.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
I know some there's not really a good show or something where you have people coming together vulnerably and being like, well, I feel sexual in this way and it makes me feel like a predator. Well, I don't automatically think like that. Somehow we'd have to make it more fun. I'm a little too serious sometimes.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
But I think we need to have more open discourse between people of the opposite sex and not just the opposite sex but talking about what they find attractive, what not, what their fears are. And if they help each other understand, then I think everybody wins, right? Because that's the biggest thing is like –
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
I am a little bit more lucky in the sense of I did have a couple of female friends growing up and – but most of the guys I talk to and you do, a lot of them don't have true female friends and they really don't understand women at all fundamentally. And I think vice versa.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
I talk to a lot of women and they think men are just sometimes purely pigs or sexual or they've heard the worst stories of them. And yeah, bringing people together to understand each other in a room would be cool.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Guy's peacocked out, got his hair gelled up. And it was just like a five minute compilation of like, here's some like B-list celebrity on David Letterman. And here's me secretly filming having sex with her in my arrangement. And then it was like a compilation cut to like Rocky. And of course at the end, everyone's like cheering and they all want to sign up.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
For romance-oriented?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Oh, my God. I'm going to go romance. I've said this before. But have you watched the Before trilogy from Richard Linklater? Before Sunset, Before Sunrise.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Oh, my God, man. Great. And great for you. An actual representation of a really interesting courtship dynamic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Um, recently good movies. God, man, you're killing me. I don't watch movies anymore. Not a movie guy. I used to be my entire life. Anything from the nineties, two thousands and 2010s. But as of lately. Let's go with Fight Club. I got nothing else on my mind. Masculine men trying to find their way in the world. I think it's a good representation of men struggling and probably an unhealthy outlet.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
So that resonated.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Care about the person in front of you. It seemed like his relationship with that person, she was very unhealthy and they were both very toxic. I think if they like talked more and instead of, I mean, productively communicate more. Mostly what I remember is they would fight and then hook up and sleep together. Find a middle ground, man. Have a good date night. Talk things out.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Understand why she's so tense, why you're so tense.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Really nice. Yeah. I wonder who they're going to pick, man. I mean, there's all this controversy about the character in itself, but I'm like, whatever. It's a character. It's probably not a great representation of a character, but it's good fun.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
And that was where I was like, okay, I don't want to be this person. I think there's a lot of really, really important things guys need to learn, but this is not where I should be going down the rabbit hole. And yeah, that was pretty unforgettable.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah, so generally what we're going to do is we're going to choose a beautiful location, whether, like I said, that's in Spain or in Portugal or something like that. Usually nicer weather, San Diego. We rent out a mansion or some kind of villa. We get 10 guys or so to live together for five days. Every day I'm teaching everything that we talk about here, confidence, flirting, social skills.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
And then we're usually going out once or twice a day during the day and during the evening together to socialize and practice that. So it's very, very – we're doing a lot of theory in there. But like you said, I realized every retreat that went on, it was like 90-10 theory to role play. And then it's just become a lot more role play, a lot more practice, and then going out and doing it. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
And I think it's great. You know, the biggest takeaway is obviously you get to meet a lot of women. You improve your skills there, which is what I think guys come in for. But mostly whenever I do exit interviews, everyone's like the friendships I made, the people I got to hang out with and seeing that they still hang out years later is really amazing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
That sounds really cocky, by the way. A mansion. I don't care about the glitzy stuff like that. There's just not a good place. I don't like booking a hotel with 10 different rooms. I think there's something about finding a place that can house everybody to live together that makes it really unique.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah, if you don't like to read as much, YouTube. I've got like 700 videos on there. So just type in Nick Notice, and by playlist, I've got in-depth videos on basically everything you can imagine.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
No, just, I mean, yes. The biggest thing is, To connect is human. And anybody who's listening who doubts themselves for any reason, there's no reason to. You can learn it. It's not that hard. Most of your guys, like mine, are engineers who've got master's degrees. And I tell them it is infinitely harder to learn things that you've done for your career than it is in my mind to do this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
It's just about going out and finding small steps to actually go out and try it. So if that's what I can say, I've never met a guy who's done that and not grown and seen success in his life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
So I assume so.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Totally. It came in the most random time. I think I was actually coaching one night. I wasn't doing really well. I was having a really poor night and I was feeling like I was trying really hard. And then at the end of the night, I felt dejected. I started walking out. And I remember I saw some woman with like, I don't know, really cool kind of punky leather jacket style, you know, outfit.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
And just without even thinking about it, I said, oh my God, I love that. It's so cool and whatever edgy. And immediately we hit it off. And it kind of started this chain reaction of where... I felt like my 15-year-old self in a way of just like nerding out about music and rock and video games and not even thinking ahead for the first time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
And it went so well that I remember leaving and having basically a breakdown. of like, oh my God, I haven't been seen or shown up in so long. I don't know who I am. And somebody liked me for that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
And I hadn't felt that in a long time because you can get, as we've seen in many of the pickup artists I know, you can get all the success in the world, but it feels hollow if you don't, aren't yourself, if nobody's actually ever appreciated you. And so it was a pretty huge realization from a throwaway comment of like, I would never do this again, not knowing myself anymore.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
And just kind of started the catalyst of like, I think there's a better way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Absolutely. And you never feel that because you're always trying to be Nico, the pickup artist. And I got my hair spiked and right. And I was just nerdy Nick and some beautiful woman was like, hey, I want to talk to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Absolutely. Especially nowadays for anybody listening. I feel like it's cooler and cooler to be nerdy, to be a little weird or quirky and lean into it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Honestly, it happened so quick. I probably don't even remember.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah. It was a completely organic calling. Um, I was a computer science background. I was thinking about, you know, becoming a relationship counselor, going pre-med, uh, but started going out, helped a couple of friends. saw some friends blossom and be able to meet people. And I was like, this is incredible. Because I had grown up with everybody like that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Like all my friends were guys that weren't very successful with women and weren't very sociable. And we had our own little clique. And to see that it was possible and really great guys could succeed in that way, have meaningful connections in that way, I was like, this is it. I can't imagine anything more fulfilling.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
And to be honest, I was getting to the point where I love tech, and I'm a nerd, and I've been on a computer since I was like four years old. I hated programming. It just wasn't for me. And I like people.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah, I mean... One that just immediately comes to mind, it's a little bit early to mid in my career, but I would say the first retreat I ever held where I'm like, I have no idea if I can do this, if I can take people around the world and really, you know, there's always that voice in your head like, okay, you've been coaching locally and done some one-on-ones.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Are you really this person who can make a transformation in people's lives? And just winged it, hosted a retreat in Mallorca, and Guy came out of a divorce, had been reeling for a long time and the very first retreat ends up meeting a woman that he ends up getting married to and has a kid with now. And like I know it's cliche.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
There could be some earlier wins but there was nothing more powerful than that of like you host something. You make a difference. Somebody's entire life has changed because of it and it just further reinforced like I want to keep doubling down. Because even at that time, I was doubting, like, okay, I've been doing this for a while. Is this, you know, where else do I take this?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
You know, and so, yeah, now it's also led to the power of what I believe to be in-person work.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Many of them by now, I'm sure. I hope. I mean, I feel like a weird person saying this, but a friend once said, wouldn't it be cool to make a million happy families? And I'm like, yeah, that would be amazing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Absolutely. Especially nowadays for anybody listening. I feel like it's cooler and cooler to be nerdy, to be a little weird or quirky and lean into it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah, I mean, it was pretty cool. That's not why I chose it. But if you're going to host a retreat, doing it on an island is not a bad way to go.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
Yeah, I think it always starts with saying, okay, what in my past have I enjoyed doing for myself? Even if it's just alone, right? I've liked to learn playing guitar or learning a language. And I think just first thinking about how can I translate that to an external pursuit, a social pursuit where I can do this out in the world, right? Not even saying like it needs to go further than that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
You need to approach people or whatever. Just I think a lot of guys, especially now we're seeing the highest rates of social anxiety ever is like I stay at home. I do this all alone and the simplest way to get started on improving your life is saying, can I just be out in the world and exist and do that in that fashion? Being patient with yourself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
I think if you take the small steps to say, okay, I'm just going to go out for an hour. I don't need to talk to anyone. If I feel uncomfortable, I can leave. But just putting yourself there I think gives you the light bulb of this is attainable. I can start to build a life for myself. I don't have to like go to a bar and be a different guy. I can figure out a way to do the things I love.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
and really connect with a lot of individuals. And for me, that's the start of a great life is doing having meaningful experiences and doing it with people that you want to connect with. And so, yeah, just slowly figuring out what have I enjoyed in my life? Where can I do it out in the world? And don't even worry about like going out and approaching people.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
I think get into a good space, enjoying it. And then once you do that, there's actually a lot less resistance to going out and approaching. You know, you tell a guy who has nothing going on in his life, go out and talk to that woman right now. It's terrifying. But you tell a guy who's now playing volleyball and he loves it and he's in the moment and he's pumped up and he's excited.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Women Love Nice, Nerdy Guys like YOU—If You Do 1 Important Thing (with Dating Coach Nick Notas)
And it's like, hey, why don't you talk to your teammates a little bit more? It's like, okay, cool. There's just a smaller gap to cross.