Mio Love

My minute started? Oh, shit. Look, I'm 34 and recently separated. And for some reason, my right titty, she went caca. That bitch looking like Biggie Smalls. She doing a right face for no reason. I have to reel her back in. And I want to come back to the game with real big dick energy, you know? So I talked to my cousin, and she said, bitch, you need to get waxed.

It lasts forever, and it leaves your skin smooth like a dolphin. So I did. I made the appointment. And there I was, spread like a dolphin. The lady's foot in the wax. She's foot in the strip. And with no regards to my life or to Jesus, she goes, ching-chang-chung-sa! Ma'am, I discovered the connection between your vision and that lip. I went fucking blind.

I lost all control of my body, and for some reason, I just kicked the lady. Don't feel bad for the lady. She got kicked before. Cause she took it like a champ. She got backed up and she wanted to do the other one. At 34, I learned a valuable lesson. You need to love yourself. So right now I'm looking like a yin yang. I got one bushy bush and one smooth like a dolphin, baby. Thank you so much.

Killeen, Texas.

You are not Killeen anyone tonight. I'm from Garbage Island.

Garbage Island.

And a veteran. Thank you to all my vets today.

I was in the Army for six years.

I was a 92 Alpha logistics specialist. So to all my logistics, thank you.

Well, the Army brought me here, so I've been here for 13 years in Texas. I love Texas.

Yes.

I'm veteran retired. I'm a full-time mom. I have two daughters, and my oldest daughter is autistic, so I do full care for her.

She was nonverbal, and I will tell you a serious note. When she was diagnosed, they told me that it was nonverbal, and she had, like, mental retardation. Marley talks. I don't know. Marley's... Marley Talks.

Thank you to all the people that do ABA therapy, to everybody that works for autism. Autism speaks, my daughter speaks.

And she, next year, is due to start regular school with the regular population, just with an aid.

Have you tried taking her to church? She's verbal now, yes.

First words were mama, of course. But after that, now it's like, I want cookies. That's all.

What do you do when you... I do comedy since I'm a full-time mom.

I use my babysitter time for comedy, so I do my shows.

I do come here for more comedy. I come here to the show for the comedy. Mothership is an awesome show. So I really surround myself around comedy.

Non-comedy related. I smoke weed and... Okay.

And I swing in my hammock.

I don't have any boyfriends. I don't know. Let's see.

You're gay, Tony. Not at you.

If it's for married couples that want to stay together, it's not the show to watch. For everybody that wants to know the truth, here I am. It's a public announcement every time. I teach every class. We do every other Fridays in Killeen. Ladies, follow me.

I do a comedy show every other Friday in Killeen. It's Friday late night. For married couples? No, no. For people that are not married. If you're married, happily married, don't come to my show. I might fuck it up.

Because I do point out everything that is messed up. Oh, you talk about crazy stuff. Crazy stuff. Crazy.

No. It's my first one, but the guy was crazy. He was Puerto Rican, of course. Okay.

Puerto Ricans are very proud, and we just want you to know that it's a beautiful island.