Mike Maxwell
👤 PersonPodcast Appearances
Let me just read what he said.
I'm sorry that we had some sort of technical issue.
Nancy Pelosi became rich.
I want to give you a chance to respond.
He accused you of insider trading.
What's your response to that?
Imagine you're on a plane and the guy doesn't really know how to fly.
Yeah, it's fucking horrifying.
How does he figure out how to land that fucking thing?
I mean, the amount of intelligence to pull that off?
You probably could have got your fucking pilot's license.
Well, after a few successful flights, you would think that the guy would just go ahead and get the license.
You're already doing the thing.
That's like I see artists in art school.
I'm like, you're already making art.
There's a story from five years ago, so I don't know if it's changed.
Almost one in three pilots in Pakistan have fake licenses.
They didn't take the test or something.
I wonder what year this was.
262 pilots in the country did not take the exam themselves and had paid someone else to sit in on their behalf.
They don't have flying experience, he said.
This came out in 88, so probably like 87.
Pakistan has 860 active pilots serving in its domestic airlines, including the country's Pakistan International Airlines flagship, as well as a number of foreign carriers.
How many crashes are they having?
I mean, if they're keeping them in the air.
Sometimes you don't need a diploma.
They found that out because of a crash.
People are so nuts, man.
When did people first start having computers?
If you let them be nuts, they will be nuts.
People don't want any regulations.
I have this idea of an altruistic anarchism, where it's like everybody just treats everybody kindly in the way that you would want to be treated.
Yeah, but it's so... Our fucking ape mind is... There's too many of us that are fucking nuts.
And greedy and just out for self.
There's a lot of self-preservation that comes with that.
But if we could all just kind of collectively pull our shit together.
Self-preservation makes sense when you're surrounded by a bunch of people that are also selfish.
That's part of the problem.
When did you have your first computer, Jamie?
If you get lucky and you find a good crew early on in your life of people who are down with you, they're your friends and they love you no matter what.
And there's people out there that, man, they don't fucking have that.
They have a bunch of people around them that suck.
Just in a form of competition at all times.
I mean, I'm a lucky person.
You were younger than me.
I'm a very lucky person.
But I think the biggest luck that I have is the people that I've met and my friends.
Because it makes your life so much better.
Mine was later than that, though.
Well, I mean, it shows how much you support your friends, too.
The idea that if we can all get lifted up together versus I'm going to step on your shoulders and work my way to the fucking top.
I had Windows, I think, was our first one.
Right, but not only that, but it also shows that my way works.
It doesn't hurt you to make other people successful or to help other people get more successful or to...
just to tell people they're awesome and give them their, as the kids call, their flowers.
I struggle with that one.
The young hip-hop kids like to say that.
Give them their flowers.
But, you know, it used to be give them their props.
That, if you really love that person, that's good for everybody.
That's good for you, too.
Like, the people that want to step on that person to elevate themselves, like, you're just ruining your own life.
You're missing the big picture.
And it's not necessary.
It's not necessary even in a competitive environment, even in something you're competing.
Like, your friends, these people that you're competing with, they help you.
It's almost a necessity.
I think it's a necessity with comedy for sure.
We had whatever Windows was before that.
I always say this, that no great comedy exists in a vacuum.
I mean, there's people that have talent that are in the middle of nowhere in some real small local scene and they could become a great comic one day, but they're not going to on their own.
They have to be around great comics.
They can't just see them on YouTube.
They got to see like Dave Attell live.
You know, you got to see something like that where you're like, whoa, you know, you got to see Colin Quinn live.
You got to see these people that are masters and see the thing that they do and get inspired by it.
And to start to learn it, like understand the process.
Like that's the same thing for me.
I thought I was going to do the Sunday comics in the newspaper as a kid.
I didn't know what people did to make money making art.
Were you into comic books at all?
Not really, but I was more leaning towards that kind of aspect of this is how you can survive, actually pay your bills.
When Windows 95 came out, that was a big day.
But you just wanted to make art, period.
Just wanted to make art.
And it took... I became an assistant for a really well-known artist who...
Yeah, and, you know, hard work, too.
You know, ran a design firm, did fine art, did like ran like was just like like at the top of his game.
And I didn't go to art school, but I saw what he was doing.
And a couple other artists like in the same same area was like, OK, you're you're making paintings.
You're you're working with these companies to do some design.
That design money is going back into your art business.
practice, it was just being able to see how something exists and then knowing like, okay, I could do that.
We're already doing the same process, but here is the sort of market of it.
I got an Apple computer from CompUSA in 1994.
Here's how you survive and here's how you continue to grow and thrive.
It's how you become a professional.
It's how you become a professional.
If you're in fucking Wyoming somewhere, you might not have these people that you see.
You're so disconnected from a community, you might not know.
And then you're like, well, I got to give this art thing up and get a job because I got to pay bills because you just don't actually have the awareness.
That there is a pathway.
And this is the failure of the school system because it never teaches kids that are artists or people that have alternative ways of existing in society that there's ways to make a career.
I got kicked out of the only art class I ever took in high school.
This motherfucker, we had to draw a shoe or something.
And I turned mine into like a robot because I didn't like how the shoe was turning out.
Yeah, I think I was right around, like, 97.
And he said, you have to draw a shoe or I'm failing you.
I'm going to kick you out of the class.
You have to draw a shoe.
And I'm just like, kick me out then.
And I knew like at 15, 16, that like art is what I decided is.
Nobody else can say what the fucking rules are.
Like this is for me to do.
And now I forget his fucking – I wish I knew.
I'm going to tell him to fuck off right now.
There's a lot of those guys that turn people off.
I had a high school art teacher turn me off to art too.
And then I found out that the most talented guy in the class, this kid John DeVore, who I still contact every now and then.
big ass fucking thing too but my friend robbie knew what to buy my friend robbie either he worked in computers or his brother worked in computers so he took me to comp usa i had no idea i'm like what is this my mom um she worked in a computer lab at the community college in san diego and she was like one of the first to start using apple products like everything was pc in the spot and
He was the most talented guy.
He gave that guy an F. Yeah.
So it's like, I hadn't communicated with John since I left art class, but we did a bunch of stuff together.
We did a bunch of drawings together.
And when- Do you ever draw anymore?
I do sometimes with my daughter.
One of my daughters is really talented.
I draw sometimes with her, but for the most part, no.
I did a little drawing on vacation.
We were drawing stuff together.
But I just don't have the time to get obsessed with it right now.
I'm obsessed with too many things, and I have to manage my craziness.
I'm still waiting for you to start golfing.
Putting his pool on an undulated warped table.
Listen, I know everybody that I know that I love who's into it is obsessed.
And that's part of the problem.
It's like, I know what's coming.
And I know it's like a fucking multiple hour thing.
You got to dress like an asshole, wear stupid shoes.
You do have to dress like an asshole.
And then I see all these fucking fights where people are fighting on the golf courses.
Do you see that drunken guy with a hockey enforcer?
Yeah, through the dude in the fucking lake.
First of all, the size of that guy.
The fact that you're squaring up and you're just bluffing and you're squaring up with this fucking... That's one of those spots where people think they're way fucking tougher because they've got a bag full of clubs than they actually are.
People get out of fucking control on it.
And it's drinking, too.
The guy was clearly hammered.
And I think he made a video afterwards apologizing.
Because he was just drunk.
He's just drunk and he got stupid.
But he got stupid with, that's what I always tell people.
Like, don't get in fights.
One day, you're going to get in a fight with a guy who knows what he's doing and you're going to get fucked up.
Imagine that fucking fear.
When he got grabbed by that fucking hockey player- When he's got his jacket, he's just fucking hammering it with his right hand.
I hope he was like, wow, I really made a poor choice here.
No, at that time, he was just drunk as fuck and probably thinking, I'm going to get him back.
I'm going to get him back.
Because I know what that fear feels like when somebody really fucking, in a gym scenario, when somebody really grabs you and you're like-
There's nothing I could do right now.
Like, I tapped to Big Nog's side control.
He squeezed me so fucking hard, it felt like my ribs were going to come out of my mouth.
And, you know, I was like a blue belt, maybe still a white belt, and I tapped to side control.
And I started to think, well, what if he was fucking punching me, too?
Well, also, he's way bigger than you.
No, he was fucking massive.
Yeah, he's way bigger than you.
The amount of pressure, if you're a really big person, you put down on a small person, it's really kind of unbearable.
But even somebody who's my same weight or whatever, I'm fucking wrapped up, and if this person wanted to, they could end me right now.
Oh, yeah, that was always the most eye-opening to me when I would roll with guys who are 30, 40 pounds lighter than me, and they just fuck me up.
And immediately I was like, I never want to act tough in public again, ever.
Like that fear of like, if somebody, I got in, there was a guy who was, I was in like a time period where I was partying a lot.
This guy was just being a dick to a bunch of people, said something shitty to my friend and I'm trying to walk away.
And it just like, my brain was just like, say something.
And I was just like, why are you being a fucking dick?
Like, you know, and he puffed up and started coming at me and like he like swiped something out of my hand and immediately my instincts kicked into jujitsu.
I grabbed he had like a like a like a flannel on.
I grabbed his collar like a lapel and I grabbed his wrist and just like immediately I was just going to throw him.
And then like the other voice in my head is like, the guy had a dog actually who wasn't on leash.
And I was like, if I throw this guy on his head right now and his dog runs in the street, I'm going to feel a little guilty.
But I sensed in him that, you know, like when a grappler like grabs your wrist, like you feel it.
It feels different than somebody else.
It's someone who knows what they're doing.
Like immediately grab both and like put the squeeze on him that I could read in his eyes like, oh, that wasn't normal.
And then I was like, no, no, no.
And then he, like, walked away talking shit.
she knew like something was like getting ready to pop off and she was like like she had the first iphone like early uh like those apples that you know it looked like a tv from the 80s yeah just weighed 600 pounds yeah and actually like got into graphic design early and that's kind of how i started doing some because i made art my whole life but started doing some design like learning how to actually use the computer
And, you know, that's really rare for me.
But it was like he had said something shitty to somebody.
But to have somebody grab you like that and the fear that can come with that.
I would never want to experience that in real life.
Well, street fights are stupid.
And the people that know how to fight don't do them.
They don't want anything to do with it.
You should just go to a gym.
You should go to a gym if you have this desire.
Did you see this video recently?
You guys are making me think of it.
They're saying the guy on the bottom is a white belt.
He gets choked out without the use of arms.
Why is he doing this to a white belt?
Well, I mean, they're training, I guess.
I know, but it's so rude.
That's for the, I would go to you guys being experts.
Well, it's kind of rude, but it's also that guy is just training.
He's just using that guy as a practice dummy.
Yeah, I do that sort of stuff.
It will sharpen up your triangles.
But, I mean, what do you want to happen if you roll with a white belt?
Do you want him to win?
Do you want to let him win?
You tell him what to do.
Along the way, like, you've got to protect this arm.
This arm's in a bad spot.
Don't reach back like that because then you open yourself up for the arm triangle.
You got to tell them, T-Rex, keep your arms in tight.
When I'm training with somebody, I'm talking them through it.
I'll do the thing where I tell them what I'm going to do before I do it so that they can start to work out their defenses and get an idea.
Because as a black belt, you can beat everybody up.
That kind of loses some of its...
shine after a while i think that guy was using that dude as just a training dummy he was like yeah i could just work my just working on his legs yeah yeah because if you can cinch up a triangle even on a wipeout with no legs at least you're getting reps in no yeah and it probably makes it like somewhat more difficult it's better than that dummy i have collecting dust in my gym yeah yeah exactly dummy that doesn't fight back at all just like slight resistance you know what i do use though i'd use that bubba dummy you know that thing the punching dummy
I mean, because that talent really doesn't... Like, artists so often are, like, people are like, ah, I wish I could draw.
It's like the rubber face.
There's something good for that, just target practice.
You can't kick it too hard because it falls over.
But if you can kick the face, you can slap the face.
Yeah, and there's something about those that just you want to kind of give them a little bit of the business.
We have one sitting right next to our boxing ring in the gym, and I always post up.
It's really good for practicing certain kicks.
It's really good for question mark kicks because there's a shoulder element.
With a question mark kick, you're really trying to go over the shoulder.
Yeah, like the glabefatosa, the fitosa one.
Glabefatosa, fitosa had the absolute best question mark kick of all time, and his question mark kick would come down on you.
It would go over the shoulders and just chop down.
And, like, that bob dummy is great for practicing that.
It's, like, the best thing for practicing because a bag is so straight.
You know, the bag kicking down like that, it's like you don't have a real target like you do with that bob dummy because you're really trying to get the neck.
You're really trying to go over the top and get that neck just like that.
Yeah, such a strange-looking kick, too.
That works a lot, because you're worried about that front kick to the guts, so you'll do this, or you'll think a low kick is coming, and then it comes over the top, and by the time, you can't react in time.
Yeah, like you're already planning to get kicked in the leg, and by the time you figure it out, it's in your fucking ear.
Exactly, and the guys that are good with it, like Luke Rockhold has a nasty one.
There's guys that are good with it, like, oof, oof.
Imagine just running into some Thai guy who you think you could throw around.
Just fucking blast you with a fucking knee.
Not only that, the trips, they're so good at tying up in the clinching and dumping people.
Have you ever trained with a guy who's really good at tripping you?
As soon as you tie up, whoops, your leg is up and you're like, motherfucker.
That's what I always want to throw flying ankle locks.
Well, that's the difference between Muay Thai and jiu-jitsu because in jiu-jitsu, okay, you threw me to the ground.
Now we're just started.
Okay, now I have a hold of your leg.
Then the referee's not going to stand us up.
I'm going to break your knee.
You threw me down with an inside control.
It's like a fucking superpower too, man.
What kind of programs were available back then?
I'm so glad I found it.
I owe a lot to you, I think, the way you spoke of it back then.
Even just to get into the gym, because that's the fucking hardest part.
Crossing that door path and getting on the mat.
There's so many days where you're going to be like, I don't want to do that.
But as soon as you get there, it's so worthwhile and so valuable.
Yeah, you just got to force yourself to do it.
And that's something I really owe to Eddie.
Eddie is crazy, you know, like creative and abstract as he is.
Photoshop and Illustrator were out, but it was like one and two.
He's super disciplined when it comes to his training.
He was always like super, super disciplined.
Like my game is very similar to like to Eddie's and like Lucas Lech, like that just –
Wherever you can get a hold of the leg.
I like to pull to quarter guard.
I like to play from there.
I want to know how many people have the lockdown muscle in their fucking calf.
But I've never seen one.
You put like a little plate on it and you lift with your foot.
You could do tib bar raises where you just stand on your heels and lean against the wall and just lift your foot up over and over and over again.
But the tib bar thing, you could do it with weight.
I use that fucker every day.
And she was in there and taught me how to do it.
I've been wanting my butterfly guard to get better, too.
This will have a big impact on it.
And you could also use it to do a leg extension.
So you could do a leg extension, and then you could lift the foot at the top if you wanted to.
So you could actually emulate.
You actually do it from your back now that I'm thinking about it.
You could put one of those in on each leg and you could lie down on your back and you could specifically work butterfly guard.
There's so many cool ways to work out now.
I still do graphic design, but I still use the techniques from 1999.
There's so many amazing people that have figured out ways to protect your knees and protect your back and help your shoulder stability.
They give it away online.
We have such an amazing resource available now for training.
Think about if you're a young guy.
There's these guys that are coming up that have only been doing jiu-jitsu for a short time, like Joseph Chen.
I've only been doing jiu-jitsu for a short amount of time, less than seven years, I think, and dominating.
Because he's obsessed, and because he has all this information online.
You can watch so many instructionals.
There's so many videos of guys pulling things off.
You can rewind it, watch it again, rewind it, watch it again, get together with your friend.
Okay, put your hand on the left knee.
Okay, and then when I push, you pull, and then watch that.
Like, oh, shit, that works.
And that takes so long if you're just doing it in an organic training way.
It kind of shows you that there's a lot of untapped comedic talent in the tech industry.
But the beauty, like, I came up with a technique that I haven't seen or haven't done before that, like...
Everything continues to evolve.
Even as much as we've all trained the same shit for so long, there's still new avenues to explore.
There's still room to be creative.
That's one of the cool things that Eddie will do.
Someone pulls something off and they have a thing.
Eddie will go, show me that.
Everybody check this out.
and they'll have the whole class gather around, and then tell me what you're doing, talk me through the thing.
What I like to do is I like to get mission control, and then I shovel this arm through, and then I grip it like this, and they're like, okay, try that.
And everybody tries it.
And then Eddie will go, do it on me.
All right, let me try to do it on you.
Somebody try to get out of this.
And then they'll try to workshop it.
Would it be better with this?
Would it be better with that?
How did you get to this spot?
Do you have a pathway that you take to get to this?
Do you get to this spot all the time?
And that's so similar to your comedian sort of community too.
Like you have that option.
Well, I think that's why I brought that to the comedy community because that was always the way it was in gyms.
Like in jujitsu and in kickboxing and taekwondo and Muay Thai.
Like people teach you how to do stuff.
And it's so good for us as like a culture too.
Like to interact with people who you may never interact with in your day-to-day life ever.
Because memes were one of the first forms of new comedy that hit the internet.
To have that sort of community aspect, I feel like that draws a lot of people in, outside of all the other benefits.
Yes, there's a lot of community to it.
And it's such a vast array of different types of people from every culture, from every sort of class level.
And we all find a common equality, of course, with a hierarchy of experience.
But we're all in the same boat together.
Well, that's the same with yoga.
It's the same with a lot of things.
You know, it's just like you find a group of people that have also found this very productive, very beneficial thing.
Where are you going, Marshy?
He's Marsha's new buddy.
They're really fun together.
Is it a Cocker Spaniel?
No, it's a King Charles Spaniel.
Marsha, give me a buddy.
Come say hi to everybody.
Today he just came here to hang out.
Golden Retrievers are the absolute best dogs.
They just want to cuddle with you and hang out with you.
And it had to be by someone who knew how to work the old school Photoshop.
They want to play, but the whole thing is just like be with you.
And he's sweet to everybody.
I wish they lived like 150 years.
They live, if you're lucky.
Well, he's on a really good diet.
We're putting him on a farmer's dog now, changing his food.
He was on the Maeve stuff, which is great.
But he's on a raw food diet.
Yeah, that's what I was going to ask.
Made a giant difference.
Giant difference in the way he looks, the way his coat is.
Made a giant difference in his energy levels.
They're fucking wolves.
Well, it's also, it's like, they're just like people, man.
If you have a person and you feed them nothing but processed food, they're going to be sick.
Yeah, if you're eating cereal every day.
Yeah, I mean, that stuff just sits on the counter forever.
You go to the pet food store, those bags are just sitting there.
So you had to have some technical understanding of the programs.
Like, any real food shouldn't be just sitting there like that.
So that means that food has nothing alive in it, you know?
You've got to give them the fucking raw.
Well, like I said— You can cut it with the dry food a little bit.
The way they have these, like with Farmer's Dog and with the stuff that he's been eating, Maeve—
It comes with, it's like frozen green beans and blueberries and potatoes and meat.
And it just changes everything, man.
They don't fart as much.
It's so much better for them.
They have way more energy.
It's like his whole body composition changed.
It was probably people that were using them already.
Yeah, I love it when people actually fucking care.
Their pet isn't just a fucking decoration.
Your life will be more loving if you have dogs.
Like, you're so lucky, like, God-given talent.
They're just always around.
And they have simple needs.
They just want to be— And they're unconditionally loving all the time.
Unless you get a working dog.
And there's a lot of dummies out there that go and get a Belgian Malinois and not understand, like, okay—
They were graphic artists, and they were like, fuck this guy.
They're great dogs, but you have a responsibility now because you don't have a regular dog.
You have a super athlete.
You're living with a canine race car.
That's really what that is.
You can't just leave that in the yard.
You see those people that train those dogs, doing the little walk in between their legs as they're walking down.
My friend Anthony just got one.
I just got one, and he's sending me videos of the puppy, and I'm like, oh my God, this thing is like, bro, train that.
Or when they jump like 25 feet in the air off the wall.
They run right up walls.
Imagine one of those fuckers chasing you.
Let's make a funny meme.
I'll send it to Jamie, because I sent it to Brian Callen, because me and Brian Callen are both retarded, and we talk about dogs all day long.
We talk about like, what's the coolest animal?
Yeah, because before that, you had to do everything by hand.
But this video shows the difference between how a shepherd, a German shepherd, which is also a great dog, approaches something to the difference to a Belgian Malinois does.
Yeah, something across the chairs and shit.
Here, I sent it to you.
The shepherd runs around.
He's like, I'm going to find a way to get to that guy.
I'm going to go around this way.
The Malinois runs over the chair.
So the shepherd, he's going around.
It was a lot of cut and paste and different techniques.
He's got to find the guy, and he gets to him.
No, let's do, look at the fucking elbow.
Over the top, over every chair.
It's like just so driven.
They're so driven and so athletic, man.
And it's not that a German Shepherd's not athletic.
But like in comparison, look at what this fucker does, man.
He just runs over these chairs.
He gets there in one second.
Hopped that first six rows.
So a dog like that is not like Marshall.
Like Marshall is cool, just hanging here, chilling.
You got a Belgian Malinois, that motherfucker needs tasks.
It's just like, it's basically like me.
Like you gotta work him out, he's gotta do things.
You can't just have him sitting in the house, he'll go fucking crazy.
Yeah, otherwise he's gonna be smoking crack back in the alleyway.
He is ADHD in dog form.
That's what a Belgian Malinois is.
You can't put him on Ritalin.
You got to exercise that little guy.
Yeah, you got to work that shit out.
It's like if you have the time to do that, they're incredible dogs.
But it's like you got to know what you're getting.
If you want a dog that just chills, get yourself a golden retriever.
When did memes, like really funny memes, first start appearing?
You want a family dog, get yourself a golden retriever or a lab.
I had a Boston Terrier for a long time.
Oh, they're sweet dogs.
I haven't been able to get another dog since he died.
It was too draining, too emotionally draining.
Yeah, it was like a family member.
I still get sad thinking about my dogs that have died.
But, you know, there's loss and there's life.
You just got to appreciate them while they're here.
I always love new ones, too.
I love everybody's dogs.
He seems like a little calmer with Marshall today.
I feel like it has to be like 2000, 99, 2000.
He's getting his shit together.
Yeah, he's just a puppy, right?
He's also listening when you tell him to stop now.
Bulldogs are a special breed, especially the English ones.
They're just stubborn little pricks.
They're going to do what they want.
I was watching a lady try to walk her two young English bulldogs this morning.
You'll actually get it with the French bulldog when they put the brakes on, and they're like...
We normally walk this way, but right now, I'm going that way, bitch.
I'm going that way, bitch.
Especially male dogs with their balls.
He's pretty fucking mellow.
You know what he barks at?
Richard Dawkins concept, 1972.
In my neighborhood, this guy had one of them inflatable snowmen, and I'm taking him for a walk, and he sees a rope.
The form of it, whatever it was, and it was one of the inflatable ones, so it's kind of moving around a little bit.
He's like, yo, what the fuck is that?
I would love to jump in a dog's brain when they have those moments.
Like a snowman freak out.
Yeah, probably looks like a fucking monster.
Bro, it's so funny because I'm relaxed and he's barking.
I'm like, bro, trust me.
I'd be thanking you if that was a bear.
He's looking back at you like, are we going to fight this fucking thing?
I'm like, bitch, I had to fucking... I work every day and have been grinding at this for...
That was that book that he had, right?
Are you fucking seeing this?
Like, no, it's just an inflatable thing.
But other than that, he never barks.
He'll bark if he wants to be let in.
He goes to the door and just let out a little bark.
Just let you know, hey.
Jamie and I were talking before.
Like, it's very interesting how you start to communicate with your dogs.
And you start to understand what they need.
And, like, over enough time, you have a silent communication, which is very, very peculiar.
And he knows the difference between going for a hike and then coming to the studio.
He knows the difference.
Like, you know, if we go somewhere and he's going to go run, he's all amped up and he gets out of the car.
He gets here and he's like, hey, everybody's cool.
He's ready to lie on his back and get pet, you know?
It's like he's the best.
Yeah, dogs are fucking amazing.
We almost don't deserve them.
Well, it's just such a weird thing that we've done.
They used to be wolves, and you can't train wolves.
That Dancing Baby was coming up.
There's a reason why wolves aren't in the circus.
You've got monkeys, bears, and tigers that you can train to do circus shows in front of everybody.
Yeah, I feel like that's the earliest.
You can't train a wolf.
they won't listen but yet somehow we turned a wolf into a dog that like literally listens to everything i say yeah that guy'll say sit down buddy relax and he'll just sit yeah you know okay all right you ready to go he's like i'm ready and he just gets up and goes like he's like
And the fact that they have that like fucking super gene that they could transform into so many different variations of the same thing.
The Dancing Baby was the first?
Yeah, that's what's weird.
Like selective breeding where you could turn a dog into Carl.
Like you have enough time.
You can turn a mastiff.
into this tiny little thing.
You just need enough time and enough different select genes.
And finally, this female's a little smaller.
Let's breed her with a smaller male.
Yeah, from like a TV show.
And this one has a shorter snout.
Like, how are they even?
How'd you get a chihuahua?
You know, they weren't even sure of that until like, I don't know, fucking 20 years ago.
They thought they came from wild dogs and shit.
It's when they started sequencing the genome.
Yeah, it's exactly the same.
They kind of thought probably a lot of them came from wolves, like huskies and shit like that.
A Terrible Animated Dancing Baby.
They're like, no, all of them.
That sort of symbiosis is really interesting too.
Like how plants, we have that symbiosis with plants and like certain plants who have followed our evolutionary line down the way or, you know, like we get connected to these.
I think sometimes we forget that we're still a natural part of the environment.
How weird is it that plants literally put their seeds in the middle of delicious fruit so that we will eat it and shit it out?
And that shit will act as a fertilizer and help it grow.
Not only that, but if you eat the seeds, they're bad for you.
But if you swallow them.
So it's like evolutionarily designed for you to just pass it through your digestive tract whole.
Or even the fact that it's the certain color that reminds us of a flavor.
Bro, that's the stuff of nightmares.
That like a certain color looks delicious.
And all it's doing is tricking us into eating it to shit it somewhere and allow itself to reproduce.
If you're in the woods and you see a dancing baby that looks like that, the uncanny valley dancing baby.
Or a certain color that looks poisonous.
So you're scared of it.
You know, I was watching this video the other day of a spider that makes a decoy spider and puts it in its web.
It's building a sculpture right yeah, and it looks like a fucking spider.
Yeah, which is really crazy So how does a spider even know what a spider looks like and how did it develop a beer right?
How did it develop this ability?
To make a sculpture out of its own webbing like look at this.
That's crazy, man Yeah, I mean that's really crazy It's making a decoy yeah, I
Or like those caterpillars that look like they have a snake as their tail or whatever.
You ever see mantis that make it look like their arms are giant teeth?
They put their arms together like this.
Yeah, the little ridges.
And they make it look like they have a giant mouth.
Such a fucking bizarre world.
That's the wild thing about evolution.
What is the entire process that allows something to develop where when the moth opens its wings, it looks like eyeballs?
Fucking just life is really good at reproducing itself.
How do you get a Venus fly trap where a plant tricks you into coming into the center of this trap and then it eats flies?
Imagine if you saw it in the woods.
I mean, that's why you got to find some joy in it.
Find a little entertainment in how fucking bizarre everything is.
You would have to punt it.
We get so wrapped up in our day-to-day, in our just getting by, just having the moment to be like,
Wasn't that a part of a problem with working really hard, too?
Like, you know, you don't see the forest for the trees.
And you can get caught up in whatever the fuck you're doing and, like, forget, like, God, the world is pretty amazing.
If you kick it, it grabs ahold of you and bites you like a wolf.
Yeah, the whole thing is so fucking bizarre.
And, you know, we try so hard to act like we fucking know it all, too, to just leave some room for some mystery.
Well, people are weird, man, and there's no real good working manual of how to live life.
Yeah, there's no right way.
Any advice anybody tries to give you...
They're only working on their own experience.
Yeah, but what if it runs like fucking 100 miles an hour?
Especially when you're trying to pick a weird career.
Or a comedian or an MMA fighter or anything.
Like, you want to do that?
Like, who are you going to even ask?
You've got to find what you love and literally just fucking go for it.
And I know there's a sort of...
Well, you're going to find out.
Like, okay, you got kids.
You got a fucking mortgage.
I've hustled all kinds of different ways to make sure I continue on the process, on the path.
At least you'll find out.
Yeah, it's very different if you have people that you're taking care of and those responsibilities are paramount.
Then sometimes maybe that reward system that you would get from something else maybe comes from that.
Actually, if you run, it's worse because then you're tired and it's probably right there watching you.
But what we're saying is that as you are listening to this, if you're going on your journey into life and you think you might be going in a safe direction that's going to make money versus the direction that you really want to go to,
Ask yourself how bad you really want it.
What do you want to do with your life?
Do you want your life to be really fun?
Do you want your life to be really rewarding where you wake up and you're excited about what you do?
Or do you want every day to be a grind?
Do you want every day to be like you can't wait to get off so you can get a cocktail, so you can fucking calm down because you hate everybody in the office and everybody treats everybody like shit and the boss is a dick and you just get home and you just want to drink and watch Netflix.
And you're going to have to take some drastic steps, and you're probably going to have a lot of doubt, especially if you're doing something weird.
You're just trying to catch your breath.
Like if you want to be an artist or you want to be a comedian, like, it's a long road, man.
It can handcuff you and make you stop, but it can also push you.
Well, that's where doing something else that's difficult so you know that you can do difficult things really comes in handy.
And you see this little face behind the bush.
And that's what I always preach about jiu-jitsu.
I think jiu-jitsu above all of them is the one that you can do the most and you get the most out of it.
And you can get hurt for sure, and I've been hurt a bunch of times.
But it's a different kind of hurt than sparring.
The hurt that you get from kickboxing and, you know, that you were talking about from Muay Thai –
You can't do that every day.
You can't spar every day.
Your brain gets beaten up.
Your nose gets fucked up where you can't breathe out of it anymore.
You don't want that kind of hurt.
It's too debilitating, and it could fuck with you for the rest of your life in terms of just literally the way you think.
It stays just far enough from you that you think you have to run.
Which was always the scariest thing for me.
I remember when I was thinking about stopping fighting, it was like, because I was lying in bed at night with headaches.
And I was like, what am I doing to my brain?
Like, this is the only thing that I have that's going to help me decide how to get through life.
It's the only thing that I have.
And once you start meeting people that you know are compromised, meeting people that you know have brain damage, like... Yeah.
If it's really trying to scare you, it doesn't want to jump on you.
You're starting to see it, man.
I think people who have been fighters their whole life, you know, starting to see a lot of that, like, go to the CTE or whatever the football players were dealing with.
And, like, how big of an effect.
I mean, head trauma is so, so fucking damaging.
Like, and the way that it could show itself in so many different ways.
You know, I feel like it almost transforms people into like waking nightmares sometimes for some people.
And once it gets really close for a long time, for a long time, so it wears everything out.
To where it's like that feeling of like, you know, like you see somebody who...
But there's somebody else.
25 26 years there's no god-given talent with art there's some people have an openness or maybe an ability to see things differently than others but when it comes to the actual technique yeah and developing that fine hand-eye coordination and the ability to draw exact or paint exactly what you're looking for yeah that's work that's work yeah and it nothing came easy
There's so many aspects that just end up destroying your normal day-to-day life.
Yeah, it fucks up their hormones.
It fucks up everything.
And yet it makes for this insanely attractive sport to watch.
Yeah, and they love it.
You just got to know when to get out.
You got to know when to get out.
And that's what's hard.
And really the hardest thing is that they don't have anything else.
Because in order to be really good at something like fighting, you have to dedicate your entire life to it.
It has to be everything about your waking moment.
And when it's not and it's just a job, that's when it gets fucking dangerous because those guys get really fucked up a lot of the time.
Yeah, when you have to get the next fight to keep the fucking train rolling.
And then you have a family, and you realize you don't have any savings.
And so then to quit, what are you going to do?
How are you going to generate, if you're fighting and you're making $250,000, $300,000 a year fighting three or four times a year, how are you going to replace that?
You don't have any skills.
Like, all of your skills are in how to fuck people up.
So what are you going to do?
Are you going to teach?
You could teach, maybe, especially if you're real technical.
That's how you do it if you're chasing a person.
Yeah, but that's not going to give you the same quality of life or, like, you know.
I mean, there's some guys that make a lot of money off of teaching.
But it's kind of rare, though.
We have to be really good.
Yeah, you have to be really good.
Especially like be franchising.
There's a lot of demand.
If you're an Eddie Bravo, you can teach seminars and you have a bunch of affiliates in a bunch of schools.
But he's in the top 5%.
For most people, it's a grind.
I mean, I teach – I was telling Zach, like to me, jiu-jitsu is like a parasite and a god in me.
You don't just run up on them.
And now it's trying to find other hosts.
Like, I literally am just trying to share.
But it's like jujitsu is forcing me to share it, regurgitating it into some other host so that it can regurgitate itself into somebody else.
But it's a beneficial parasite.
That just spoils all the fun.
Don't you think that teaching helps your jujitsu, though?
Like, I show all of my students all of my tricks so that when I try to use my tricks on them, it stops working.
And then I have to evolve the tricks.
or create other little smoke screens and diversions to get to the spot that I need to get, because they know.
I'll show stuff that I don't normally do, but a majority of my curriculum is stuff that I do, that I know works, that I know all the ins and outs of.
Isn't that like the old school hunters too?
I know every little detail of how you get to the spot, what you do, what you do if they do A, B, or C, and that's what I share.
Just like chasing a pack of deer for fucking hours.
And as I do that, like I notice little techniques not working anymore.
Well, don't you think it's also as you explain the techniques to people, it tightens up your own understanding of the techniques?
It makes you better at it?
Because you have to think of it.
And like a lot of times our movements are muscle memory, right?
We don't really consciously think too much about it because we've done it a thousand times where it's like I do this, then I do this, then I do that.
And you don't think about it.
But when you have to show somebody, you have to think about all those things that you never think about, help explain it to somebody who doesn't know what the fuck you're talking about, and get them to grasp it.
That's why human beings can run so long.
I've seen that time and time again in jujitsu, where a guy's pretty good, and then he starts teaching.
like coaching beginners, one-on-one private lessons and stuff to make some extra money.
But that's a different thing.
And next thing you know, he's a killer.
I think that's a missing part of the key to development is teaching.
I'm honestly surprised when others don't want to do the same.
They're overheating them.
I never gatekeep techniques.
If I see something that I think will work, I honestly think I'm a much better coach
than I am a jiu-jitsu practitioner.
I'm horrible at competing.
It's called persistence hunting.
Sometimes I just be like, okay, I'm just going to stay here until I kind of have a room to get out and I don't have to try too fucking hard.
Much better in my students.
My gym, Steel MMA, is a little bit of like a ragtag sort of like Bad News Bears kind of gym.
That's why there's so many amazing marathon runners come from that part of the world.
Because there's so many high level competitive gyms in San Diego.
But we go to all the local tournaments and we get on the fucking, on the podium.
And we're not- San Diego's a tough place for a jiu-jitsu dog.
You got fucking Jocko's place down there.
Was Hoyler had a school down there for a while?
Hoyler's still in San Diego.
He's still in San Diego?
He actually gave the guy who was the purple belt who threw me on my head that I was talking about earlier, he got his black belt from Hoyler.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
What a hotbed of jiu-jitsu.
Yeah, it's like little fucking Brazil.
California, especially during the UFC's growing period, became one of the biggest hotbeds of jiu-jitsu in the world.
Yeah, they all went there.
They all went there because they could surf.
Because like these guys have a history of literally running animals to their death.
Probably climate-wise, fairly similar.
And then a ton of population to draw from to get students.
Especially in that LA area where people were already kind of like into Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris and shit.
And then, you know, you see hoists just fucking freak everybody out.
I mean, I watched all those early fights as a kid.
I had a friend's dad who would always fucking get the pay-per-view.
That's another thing about Austin.
We have so many jiu-jitsu gyms here now.
Gordon has his place now.
B Team has their place.