Michelle Buteau
Appearances
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
We do. With ties? We got to get it in. Tie twins. Yes. Instead of Magic Mike, it's like Magic Michelle. Is this a tearaway suit?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
No, no.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
Thank you so much.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
No, you know what? I'm sleeping right now. You wouldn't know. You know what I mean? Yeah, you find the moments. Yeah, I mean. Yeah, it's a nice part about, like, not being on your phone all the time to take those breaks, you know, to actually see your children. living in the world, crossing a street, being, like, just so cute and grown, having time to be creative.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
I'm just, you guys, put your phones down and start, like, pick a book up. Yes. I can't say it enough. It's like healing to create stuff.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
Yes, a 53-year-old black woman that works at the DMV. You know what I mean?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
Because when you know, you know. With the specificity. Because she rolls over to the playground and she's like, is this what y'all meant to do? I'm like, hazel. That would be nice. I love her. You know? I love that energy. I love it, too. I mean, I want them to be honest, just not with me all the time, you know? Hold back a little bit. Just a little bit. She told me my elbows look old.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
What does that even mean? I mean, my elbows look a little haunted. They're a little gray. They look like the top of a pigeon's head. We don't have to get into it. Let's talk about the show.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
So, you know, Mavis is the name of my grandmother. And she was my person, she was my soulmate. I think you could have more than one soulmate and you don't know how they're gonna come to you, you know? And so it's so nice hearing her name on set all the time. But you know, I wrote this book, Survival of the Thickest, and when I brought the twins home, I'm like, I'll have time to write a book now.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
I don't know what I was thinking. Yeah, and my husband was just like, are you gonna finish this book? I was like, that feels like a loaded question. And he found Joan Rivers' old desk at Housing Works or some sort of like place, yeah. Yes, some sort of vintage shop and brought the desk home. I wrote the book on the desk. There was like legit energy in this desk.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
I wrote the book and I'm like, I did this like artist thing where I was like, who's gonna read this book? Why should I even write it? And I'm like, write it for you just to get something done. And I couldn't have ever imagined that it would turn into two seasons of a show.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
And... putting them in a world that I wanted to see on television. You know, a New York that reflects my New York with fat, black, brown, queer, non-binary voices. And I feel like we've done a bang up job doing that. This season we have, you know, spoiler alert, if you haven't seen it, you need to see it. If you've seen it, watch it again! Episode six. Agree. The category is love.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
We have a beautiful trans wedding. You know, Peppermint, who's a beautiful black trans woman who's also a drag performer, gets married. And it's just, it is not only the New York that I live in, but it's also the America I want to live in.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
Um, gosh, I mean, it feels damn good. Yeah. It feels really good. And I will say, you know, I've been doing stand-up comedy for over 20 years and, you know, doing projects with a lot of friends, including a producer on your show, Devin. Like, we've done a lot of stuff together. And the thing is, we do, like, a lot of stuff for free for so long.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
And so when people come to me and they ask me, how do I start making money? How do I get to the next level? I just say, keep doing it. Be so good, by the time you get in that seat, by the time you get that job, you can't mess it up because you've done it for 10, 12, 15 years for free. So you already know all the things that could happen. You know what I mean?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
And also, like, admit what you don't know. Yes. You know?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
I'll talk to the administration. Thank you. Yeah, you know, I... This is a body-positive show, you know, and I'm positive we all got a body. And it was really important for me to show my silhouette and other silhouettes being loved down, you know, because we are worthy of love at any size or shade or shape.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
And even down to, like, you know, even down to, like, not wearing a lot of makeup, I want to show, especially young women, you are beautiful the way you are. You deserve to be loved, however that looks. You know? So it was so important too to work with a very diverse cast and crew. And you know, 70% of the heads of our department are female. And cause you know, we get stuff done.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
And so it was really important as a plus size actor to be, you know, working with women who know how to light, you know, the biscuits. When it's Thanksgiving dinner on the table, you know what I mean? Gotta light those biscuits. Gotta light them good. That bucket of chicken. They gotta be seen. The legs and the thighs. What am I talking about? One blazer, I don't know who I am! Dance break!
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
What does it feel like to break that beautiful glass ceiling? Oh, my goodness. That was... I think if it's not a little scary, then, like, why are you not doing it? Does that make sense? Like, it should be a little scary. You should be a little excited. You should push yourself.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
You know, no matter what you have on your resume or what you have in your bank account or what you think you can or cannot do, just try, you know, because you're just going to end up in the same position anyways if it doesn't work out. And so I thought... You know what? Let's see. It's really crazy that a woman has not filmed there. And I'm like, this isn't even about me. It's about them.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
You know? And the only reason why I even thought I could play Radio City Music Hall is because years ago I opened for Jonathan Van Ness. You know? So that's... That should be the name of the game. We should be helping each other up. You know? Uplifting diverse voices. And so... A beautiful mind at Radio City Music Hall was... It was really... It was so special.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
I was, like, more excited than my wedding.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
You should be.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
Um... No. It's... It's... I'm a joyful person. You know? Not only my mom and my grandma Mavis and my great grandma Hazel, like all these women in my family, everybody in my family has had to really fight for their joy and their peace. And they fought so I could be here. And so that's not lost on me.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
You know, when you start from a place of, like, let's have fun, you know, how can we find comedy on the other side of pain? Then I do believe that I will always be okay, you know, because sometimes it is perspective. And we have to be aware that things are happening. And there is injustices. But, like, how do we find our joy in the day? You know what I mean?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
Because then if we're not happy, then they've won.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
White smoke, we have a pope. We are watching and everyone to breathe it in, the white smoke.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
I loved dancing. I wanted to be a fly girl on In Living Color. I definitely would have been Snoop Dogg's video hoe if I had the chance. I was out one night at a teeny bopper club and that's where I saw him. I remember the smoke machine was working. It felt like we were at a bar mitzvah somewhere in Jersey.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
And literally when the smoke cleared, I'm like, who is that tall boy with the khakis on and the big old chain and the curly hair? How do I talk to him? And I kind of just sort of like inched my way over to him on the dance floor. I remember like doing this move where we're like, we both sort of like roll into each other's body and I can be like, get a whiff of his Jakar Noir.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
And I was like, and like, my heart was beating so fast. I could hear it. And I'm like, Oh my God, this is what love is. I feel like a Puerto Rican Molly Ringwald.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
We were walking out to the parking lot and we realized we both had the same car. Mazda protégés, both leased by our moms.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
Oh, definitely. I'm like, what? Like, out of all the cars in the world, out of all the dance clubs, you and me.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
He worked at Best Buy selling DVDs and he was also a drug dealer. And in my mind, I was like, oh my God, he's so cool. He's so good at math. Like he counts so quickly.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
The plan was, I mean, looking back on it, it seems so basic, but just to be with each other and to have fun and to have kids and to go out to dinner after a movie on a Friday night. You know, Olive Garden, Cheesecake Factory just kind of exists in a really cute apartment with beige carpet and white blinds.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
I had a dream that he called me up. He told me that he never graduated high school. And when I called him the next day and I was like, I had this crazy dream. He just started crying. I could just hear him gently sobbing. And he's like, not only did I not graduate high school, I don't even know how to read. I'm just like, how? Like, I thought I knew you. Like, haven't we read something together?
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
And I was going back, you know, I realized like, oh my God, this is why we go to the same restaurant. We would go to the same restaurant and he'd order the same thing because he couldn't read the menu. And he liked to go to restaurants that had pictures of the food. You know, I would write him poems and stuff and he's like, read them to me. You know, it's better when I hear it from you.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
When he told me why he didn't know how to read, it just made my heart break even more. I mean, his dad died when he was young. And so his mom had to work three jobs. And he was depressed and just dropped out of the fifth grade and nobody ever noticed. His mom didn't want to deal with it. And, you know, I'm not judging because it must have been so hard for her.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
The only thing that kept going through my mind, I remember, was, I want to save you, I want to help you, I want to make this better. You know, we're going to get back on track to what we had planned.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
My game plan for him was I had a list of places he could go to. To go to night school, a therapist he could talk to, easy adult reading books, tips and tricks. It was like a whole sort of like care package of like how to just take it on. And he was like really overwhelmed by it. And I was like, OK, this is a really big deal.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
I stopped being his girlfriend and sort of became his coach or his mom. And it wasn't fun for either one of us. I tried every tactic. I was patient. I was nice. I was stern. And then I, like, kind of backed off. I'm like, whatever he needs to do on his own time.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
We don't even laugh anymore. We're not even like holding hands like we used to. We're not even having sex like we used to. Simply because you're not even going to this class. Like if he just went to a class, I would just be so happy. Did you feel like if you love me, you will learn to read? Absolutely. I mean, is that weird? But I totally felt like that.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
I was like, who's gonna read books to our kids at night? Like you got to get it together. This was like the vein of my existence. I was like, and I couldn't really talk to anyone about it because how embarrassing because I didn't want to. I didn't want my friends to think less of him, you know, and I wanted him to still feel like a man. So I just kind of like carried this by myself.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
And at some point I just looked at myself and I was like, you gots to go. But even then it was just like, how do I leave somebody when they're down?
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
Oh my God, what are you, Dr. Phil with tits? Yeah, I mean, I feel like I always live like that. If I could just lose those 20 pounds, if I could just have a clean house all the time, I could do everything I really want to do on my list. And so, yeah, there was that. You know, if we could just get past this, then we'll, you know, live the life we're supposed to live.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
The obstacle being his illiteracy? Yeah. Ooh, okay. Boom. He learns how to read. He writes, like, a New York bestseller, like, situation. It becomes a movie. Channing Tatum plays him. Lisa Bonet plays me. And we live happily ever after with, like, a bunch of mixed children in a huge apartment with beige carpet by Cheesecake Factory.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
Like, because it's actually, like, really sad, but... Yeah, you know, most of my, the first joke I ever wrote was about him. Yeah. Will you tell it to me? Sure. It's lines at Disney World remind me of my ex-boyfriend. Three hours of waiting for a two minute ride. Ayo. But the story, I didn't feel comfortable doing it on stage till 13 years later.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
But it just felt so good. It was so cathartic. I was like, yes, I got to get this out. And I just started doing jokes about him and blogging about him. And my friends are like, you got to be careful because you're using his first and last name. And I was like, bitch, I don't give a fuck because that motherfucker can't read.