Maya Rudolph
Appearances
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Yeah, you know, like you write songs about lettuce. You're like.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Light and free. Cold and crispy. That's the way it should be. Crispy too. That's right, Bateman.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
They all seem to want to be filmmakers, so that's definitely happening.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
All of the above. He's all of those things. And they have iMovie, so they make a lot of... Movies all the time, which is pretty damn cute.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I remember the Facts of Life sketch so well that you put up, and it was... Mrs. Garrett stuck a carrot up her butt.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I swear to God. If you're only saying this for me being here today, I do appreciate it.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Wow, that's a pretty large compliment. Thank you, my friend. It is absolutely true.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
This is why getting old is great, because we all remember things a lot less than what really happened. So your memories, all of your memories of our time together are so vague. The humility and the deflection. I love it.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
But honestly, it is nice to appreciate. I will get honest from it. It's nice to appreciate each other as we age, isn't it? It's nice to have had fun together. Because my thing, once I started having kids and having to go to work, I realized, oh, I have to actually like what I'm doing today or I'm going to want to kill myself.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Because it's so depressing when you hate your job and you've left your beautiful babies at home. Yeah. All the time that I've spent with you guys and out in the world and doing things, I cherish those times because all I did was laugh my ass off.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Oh, was it that Halloween thing where we were supposed to be dead or something? We were pretending to... Oh, God, I laughed. Sorry.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
The truth is that, yeah, I mean, what you're saying, Will, is what I feel is like, you know, at a certain point you realize how also the comedy and the drama is few and far between, and you realize how serious and depressed you really are as a comedian internally, and then, like, it's all kind of part and parcel the same thing.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
So all the little funny bits make the serious stuff real, and it's all kind of...
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I mean, other than like Mel Brooks' house, I don't know that most comedy households are always funny, right?
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Directing, no. Directing, I absolutely don't ever want to do. And I think it's the amount of responsibility that's required that makes me... feel itchy and hot. Knowing that I have to make sure you've got this covered. It's like being the host of a party and making sure everybody's happy. I don't think that's in my nature, and I'm okay with that. That's why I live with a director.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I don't wanna be one. But I honestly enjoy the producerial side of giving my opinion, putting my time in. I mean, I feel like I'm going to be a forever writer in the way that I sort of just like haphazardly became a writer at SNL because... They just make you write. You don't have a choice. And no one really says, hey, you're a writer now. You're just like, I'm writing my sketches.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I don't have a choice. And it's really the only way to survive. So I think I'll continue to create what I do. But the directing part, I like to sit down and eat my lunch, you know? I don't...
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Yeah, it's so stressful. And I love when people love doing it and I love to be a part of that. But I feel like there was a point in my life where I thought like, I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that. And then once I started realizing I don't, I'm not good at everything, and that's okay. I'm sort of like, yeah, there's no shame in that game.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I don't know. I was nursing. Remember, I was nursing. Oh, yeah. Like, the baby was in the room. I was pumping. I was sweating all the time. Was that Jack who was just born? It was Jack, yeah. He just turned nine.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Oh, I'm still not sure that I'm doing this correctly. And I get weirded out all the time that I'm 48. And my mom was only 31 when she died. And I'm like, now what? How did I get to be older than my mother? It's so crazy. Like, I don't. I don't know how the hell we're all adults to begin with, let alone responsible for other people and in relationships and families. It's crazy.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
That's a great question. I appreciate that question. I'm going to do a little voiceover work later on this afternoon.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I'm working for a wonderful production called Bless the Hearts by our friend Emily Spivey. I love that. I love Emily Spivey. Oh, bless the hearts. Are they looking for any new characters?
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
That was really good. Damn. It was sexy, but also a little bit scary.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
And a little bit sad. Like, a little bit like... Well, you know why?
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I thought he was constipated. He sounds a little... No, he had a few. He sounds like he needs water.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Oh, boy. You know what's funny? I did write, in the time that we've been on this, I did write a theme song for the Jack Shack. And it's called Jack Shack, shagging it up. Jack Shack, you can shack it.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I should answer your question because you bring something up, which is that I do every once in a while go, God, I should do that show. Or I should, when we were asking about creating and stuff, like, oh, yeah, I should create this show. And then I'm like, what am I saying? Then I'll never be home. I can't do that.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
But I'm lucky enough to have a lot of talented friends, and I'll do like a little bit here and a little bit there.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
It's plenty. Sometimes I spread myself too thin and then everyone starts saying, no, now I'm ready to get back in the saddle and do it. But I also like to go home sometimes.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Yeah, and like when one of the kids isn't home and they're at a friend's house or something, you feel like, there's no one here. The house is so quiet. And it's such a strange. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to do. But maybe that's a good time to, you know, move back to New York and start all over again.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I know. It's very responsible. It is very responsible. I feel like you brought me in and you're like, I have to ask her real questions or she's going to... Yeah, otherwise it's like they're just bits which I love. I don't care. You don't have to ask me anything real. Listen, you can ask me anything you want.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
That was crazy because I came in at the end of the 25th season and I had this really lame situation where I listened to like a bad manager. I was so young. And she said, don't audition. The new contracts are really binding. And I went, oh, okay. Like a fucking idiot. And so I did an audition, and then long story short, I was lucky enough that they asked me to come and do the last three shows.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
So it was more like trial by fire, but it was the end of the season, so everyone knew each other already. It was like joining a school year with three weeks left. So I didn't know anybody, and everybody knew where to sit in the cafeteria kind of feeling. It just felt really bad and scary.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
No, it was really confusing. It wasn't clear. They brought me and Zach Galifianakis and I think it was Jerry Minor. I think we were the three people that they brought out for this three-week trial period. But Zach and I didn't know what was going on. Zach said they brought – he had auditioned and then he said like they brought me out.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
But they were just auditioning him as a writer, and he was really like, I don't know what's happening. We were a little bit confused.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
He wrote for three weeks. He and I shared an office, and we were both scratching our heads. I didn't know that either. What are we doing? I had no idea.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Can I just say, wouldn't that be a nice problem to have instead of this fucking shit pile of shit of shit mountain that we're living on?
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
There's nothing there that isn't cool. It's like, hey, do you want to play a cool superhero? Like, yeah, sure. I'm good. Like, you know this. You know, you get to be Batman. And it's fun. It's fun to like be a cool person.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I don't know. I really am. I think I'm a little bit in denial of what is happening in the world and what's going to happen. I mean, is there going to be a live show?
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Chin-chin is still the best. Just the Chinese chicken salad. I don't think I've ever had anything else.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Lorne Michaels is my forever boss. I just decided the other day, like, he's my forever boss. He'll always be my boss. He'll be my friend. But no matter whether I ever work there again, he'll always be my forever boss.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Hey, guys. That was so convincing. That was so convincing. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, Sean. I do.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I think about you all the time. You're always such a sweet little cookie puss.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
That was really fun, you guys. It's nice to see you. This is one of those days where when I'm dying and I'm laying there shriveled up, I'm going to think about today and I'm going to have a big smile on my face.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Bon Iver is great. I listened to the whole thing, and I felt bad for Bateman because he sounded old.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Sorry for the mood lighting. I'm in a cave. It's the only quiet place at my house.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Do you remember I used to say that to you? Did you finally build your jack shack?
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
That's why he's got a smile on his face. The guru. And no pantalones.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Good for you. I like to pop them out. There is nothing elastic about my lower region.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
It's basically like when you get a grocery bag and something has spilled and then everything just falls out of the bottom.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
My son thinks that he came out of my butt because he saw a birth video. So we like to keep it that way.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Well, he's a bit of a poet. I thought he was going to tell the Jim Gaffigan joke about how it's like, because Jim Gaffigan has five, right? And I think his joke was having a fifth kid is like swimming in a pool and you're drowning and someone hands you a baby. It's a bit overwhelming.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I have to say that being in quarantine with four kids is great because I would be very depressed if I was not very busy. It would be a lot more quiet and depressing.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
How many books is your computer on right now? Is your computer on it?
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
The problem with the teen part is I feel really badly for them because they want to be social. But then I don't want them to be on their fucking devices all day long.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
No, she's not a nightmare. She's the opposite. So I feel really bad because she's a nice person. Yeah.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
No. I am. I don't even, I don't know what that means. What does it mean? Yeah.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I was so surprised that you threw in the lineage thing. These dudes are like, who? What?
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
So supposedly my grandfather and his brother were these big time business boys back in the day. And he came up with this idea for a company called Trip Charge. Yeah. and where it was like you could get a card and charge it when you were on a trip. This was before the credit card was invented. And it was such a great idea that he sold the idea to Diners Club. Way to go, Sid Rudolph.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I don't know, but I guess he straight up gave them the idea for the credit card.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
That's a great question. I don't know. I don't know if it was like a traveler's check situation for going out. I remember those. Traveler's checks.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
He's good. Are you asking about my sweet dad? Isn't my dad the best?
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
He's that guy my whole life that people ask me about. I just got another one today. Look at Bateman. Bateman's like, I don't know your dad. Why don't I get to meet your dad?
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I think it's from years of being funny and years of emoting, and now your skin is relaxing into itself. I have developed really gnarly eye bags, and I think it's from years of rubber face.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
They're kind of similar. They're similar areas. Your eyes and vagina's done here.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I went on a date with Ali in New York, and he took me to see Puppetry of the Penis. Do you remember that show?
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
It was so painful and awful looking. A lot of stretching of skin.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I think the performing part, yes, but the singing part I knew very early on that I did not have the vocal range of my mother.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Yeah, musical, but I don't have that kind of a voice. I mean, when the standard is like a seven octave range, you're sort of like, I'm good, but I like making music. I do like making music. I think now that I'm almost 50, I'll probably start publicly making music now that I'm not as afraid as I used to be.