Matt Fulchiron
Appearances
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Hell yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Hell yeah. Austin. My mom's house. Your mom's house, dude. You know, this show is so fucking popular and I tell MCs, comics who listen to it, and I'm like, yeah, just say I'm on your mom's house when they bring me up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
And they'll always fuck it up. Like, your mama's house. Oh, yeah. Oh, we get that. Or a big house.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Totally. Yeah. Fuck this up. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Also how lazy they are. So lazy. They don't know that that's the whole job. Yeah. Like, you're going to bomb anyway when you're an emcee, so don't bother with that. Yeah. With going over your notes. Yeah. Just memorize that shit. Say the thing. Yeah. Fucking cunt. I remember I was emceeing in Ontario one time, and I was introducing David Allen Greer, and I almost said Tommy Davidson.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
It was halfway out my mouth, which I would have been just so fucking... Humiliated. It's only half racist. They were both on In Living Color. Yeah. You know what I mean? He would have got you good. Shouts out to both of them. I love them. It's my own stupidity and nervousness.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
fucked up over the mistake it sucks yeah i was like because i didn't you know i didn't write it down i should have like written it on a piece of paper like it's fucking rookie to look at the paper yeah but it's a lot better than failure yes i'll tell you what man mr burman yeah it's crazy i said chelsea handler's name wrong one time she just got there she's like that's not my name but whatever yeah and then and then like i was so distraught like you're talking about and i was like i'm sorry i'm sorry she's like i don't give a
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
fuck yeah like some people just like a jumping off point of course that some people don't even say my last name this is give it up for matt they do it so much i have jokes about it like you know if a joke bomb i've been well you can't google me i've been with you when people have tried your last name i've been like they're so stupid well especially when you're headlining
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
it's not that hard there's this poster up at this place in Richland, Washington of me and it's been up there for like 12 years and my name is spelled incorrectly Full Shreon. Full Shreon. You know? And I remember this thing, like I'm holding a boom box and shit and I have cool hair. And I thought I took it home because like somebody spit on it. So I was like, I'm taking this down.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
There's a fucking loogie on it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Because I went up there and I was like, I was like, yo, what's up Kirkland? And there was like Rich Loon. And I'm like, well, we got about 44 and a half minutes left. How do you guys want to do this? Do you want to start over?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Was that before the... So before the age of taping every moment of your life, because that could be, well, you don't need to go viral. So fuck it. You need to bury that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Yeah. Yeah. Why do we feel like we have to be so cool? I don't know. Our job is not to be cool. It's not to be cool. Not at all. It's the opposite of cool.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Are you fucking kidding me? Do you know who you're talking to? I was thinking about this on the way here because, you know, it brings up certain memories working with you and stuff. And I remember in San Jose and I've done this twice, but one time I was opening for you and it's the last joke. My time's done. Like you're coming out. You need to come out. You're clearly the headliner.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
And I'm like, yeah, forget the punchline. Anyway, and this one dude just goes, oh, come on! Like, fucking blue balls, asshole! Like, you know, and I was like, fucking totally intimidated, but that guy actually cared. Yeah, he cared. Everybody else is like, whatever. Yeah, so was he. Bring out Tom.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
I've got nothing for you. I equate it to reaching up on the shelf.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Oh my God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
That's my, just for the last, I remember it was one year. They, they brought me back like six times and I fucking murdered, like, like destroyed everybody on the whole show every single time. Like, like ruin the show for everybody else. And then on the sixth one, I just kind of did. Okay. They brought me up for a six.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
And they were like, yeah, you're not going. They just wore me down. They wore you down. You know?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Yeah, so I got the Bro Adjacent tour coming up. I'm very excited about it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Thefullcharge.com. It might be a little sloppy, but all the information's there. And no... There we go. So you go to tour dates. Oh, there we go. And all right, that's not half bad. And I also, just when my plane landed, got the ticket link for the special I'm taping in Hermosa Beach in November. Fucking start buying tickets now. It's going to be killer.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Yeah, comedy magic. The lounge. It's going to be a lounge vibe, like a fucking sleazy. Oh, here we go. All right. Vibe, sexy vibe. Got you. Hermosa. And it's happening, man. I'm very excited. That's what the tour's about. Getting that hour together. November 22nd. And just making babies.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Yeah, dog.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Right. And the Full Charge Power Hour is back in full effect. There you go. And I'm at the Full Charge on Instagram. So get to know me all over again. Get to know him. There he is. Look at him. He's doing it. Photo by Sean Nix.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Like Patreon.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
As they do. As they do.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Porn is their first.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
The right kind of dude. That should be y'all's retirement plan. Like one big sexual encounter on OnlyFans. Cash out. That's it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Yeah. And be like, get out of your mom's house. It's over.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Two fat middle-aged pigs. I'm telling you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
I think it might even be about the curse word. Cause he probably didn't curse that much. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
This poor dad can never relax, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Not in my house, man. I had a brother. We didn't fuck with my dad at all, man. We might have made fun of him a little bit, but Jesus Christ, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Wait, that's not just a crow. That's a gargoyle. And that's beyond your relationship. That's human instinct. Kicking in, freaking out, fight or flight. You're already backed against a bed. It's fight time.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
That's everybody. She sucks, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
It's very funny. Dude, that was like five takes. That was like cartoon level reaction. Yeah. That's why you don't date a cosplay bitch. No, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
that it's filmed and put on the internet oh god she hates him that guy does not have a sense of humor about it I mean it's hard enough being alive without coffee in the morning yeah you know too he probably just worked like a long shift please bitch even if he's lazy he's asleep it's bad enough when you're in a dead sleep and your kid wakes you up they stand right over us and they're like mom and I'm like that's bad enough
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
What is it supposed to do? Give you energy? Yeah. Because I scratch my taint all the time and it gives me nothing but shame. You're not smelling it. No, I'm smelling it. You have to smell it. You got to smell it. And then I go to the bathroom and wash my hands and I'm skipping. I get nothing. Then I'm just moping like, God damn, I need some gold bonds.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Well, I think the guy's smart. He says espresso and not expresso. Yeah, that's true. Which makes me think he's intelligent. He's intelligent. He's very well read.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
The ball book.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Oh, so gay. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. They don't act on the impulse.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Okay. Well. They all have kids. I don't have great not gaydar. But I'm guessing it's the guy in the white shirt.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Your friends that don't live in Utah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
This is insanity. It's totally insane.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Fuck some bros.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Everybody's happier. It's such an ordeal. It's like we've got to go through this whole alternate life that doesn't exist. I mean, these guys are lucky they only have one wife, too. I know. How about one of our wives is a man?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Right.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
So they do like it, probably, in a way. There's some women, mostly on sitcoms, who are like, eh, not tonight, Ray. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, they might kind of like that aspect of it. Maybe. I don't know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
She's so cute. She's adorable. That's what's great about dudes is we're not even disgusted. We're like, yeah, she's cute.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
I think they're either jerking it to gay porn, number one. At the minimum. That's the minimum. And I do think at least one of them has got to be going on business trips and doing his thing. Somebody's got to give. Something's got to give. Something's got to give. And it's better to cheat than to get excommunicated in this case. It's a unique case.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
It sounds like it's kind of like...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Right. But also if you grow up religious, you know that like there's tons of thoughts that come into your head that you're not supposed to do. And they can just file that into that because they don't live in a society where they see a lot of gay people or think it's normal. I don't think.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Probably not.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
I'm walking around in about a four all day long. I like how all the numbers were kind of similar. Yeah, I know. One of them should be contact on this list.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Come on.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
This should go to 10. I think it does. I think they're cutting it off at four. When's the last time you heard of a four rating? It's either five or 10. This is TV. This is the TV version.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
I think what's good about this for that guy is in the age of social media, he probably had people hitting him up like, dude, just fucking come out for the weekend, blah, blah, blah, that type of thing, you know?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Right.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Their DMs definitely blew up. Yeah. You can only turn that down about 12, 13 times before you're like, all right.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
It doesn't have to be mutually exclusive. It can exist together.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
That's why he hates jerking off. That's a good speech. That's why he hates porn. To the Mormon gays out there. God doesn't hate your cum.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
He just hates when there's no babies with the cum. Have you been in a Waymo yet? I have not. I've seen them around and skeptical. I want to try it. I'm at about a one on Wego's. I look twice. I've seen them everywhere.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
I'll finally go viral.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
All right. Everybody wants everything, and everyone is taping everything, and this is insane.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Also, if you know- You should have one, too. I should get one, just in case. I don't have any friends. Fat friends. I don't drive anybody around, except my wife. That's it, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Like a condom in the wallet.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
that helps that does but that's too much work just buying a seatbelt extender is less work i've never seen a seatbelt extender for sale um probably get it on amazon or whatever oh you get everything yeah yeah right it's true
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
I mean, yeah, he knew, you know, he probably didn't have the right accommodation.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
I think a classic car is good, even though it's built for skinny people.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
They're big, big, long bench seats.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
And no seatbelts. Perfect. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
No, that's what I was thinking. Yeah, yeah. You need a low-rided... SUV, but then if you're heavy, that's just going to make you scrape going up a little ramp or whatever.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
In the back. You get in the flatbed. That's a scene. That's a sight. That's a good idea.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Little baby pool.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
My Uber driver picked me up in a pickup truck.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Oh, my God.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
It's a new era of, no, the law don't apply to me. I'm out.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
But she deserves it, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
It's so funny on the show, but it's so fucking frustrating in real life.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
That's true.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Short and sweet. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
I had a hit and run. My car got totaled. What? On Los Feliz Boulevard. I had a Chrysler 300. You saw it. Yeah. When? This is in 2015. I only had it for like six months and it was like the coolest car in the world for me because I would never buy it myself.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
But like a friend had it and I bought it from him cheap and I'm like cruising in a Chrysler 300. Just love it. Just baller. Yeah, yeah. And I park it on Los Feliz Boulevard and... And I come out in the morning, and it's total. It's legitimately total. You can't fix it. That's that. And then somehow the car that hit it kept going. Damn. Nutty. Fucking nutty. It's insane. Definitely drunks.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Oh, my God. Drunks, too. Demolished it. Dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
It is. Yeah. It definitely is. I think I even heard it, but I was like, it didn't seem like it applied to me. I'm like, yeah, whatever. Then I went to bed. Good night. And woke up, and I was like, oh, shit. Fuck, dude. Did you get like a- I got so much money from it. You did? Yeah. Okay. Good. That's cool.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
That's your whole life practically.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
I think we're looking at a society that lives like this now. Not everybody, but some people.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
honorable and cool and especially especially about vehicles yeah like that's like a church like your vehicle is an extension of yourself yeah and you you extend that courtesy to people because you want it coming back your way dude when we were i got in a hit and run drunks yeah blew the red light and hit my car i was doing the right thing they were doing the wrong thing my children were in the car oh
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
That's nice.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
He's a nice guy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Okay. Yeah, sure. As if the pee video wasn't.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
I don't want any part of that oh man I don't like that either you know did you used to do that stuff I know you used to skateboard I was a skateboarder so I didn't have time for this nonsense I was destroying my body in other ways did you ever get really hurt skateboarding fuck yeah all the time dude I can't believe I used to do it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Like you're, you're, you're falling from the top of a half pipe all the way to the flat bottom, like nine, 10 feet. And that's not even the biggest ramps to skate. And you're just landing on your hip. One time I flew off the side of a half pipe and landed right on a jump ramp that was like this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Took the nest tee plunge right on, on top of this. Like you name it, dude. I rolled ankles. Yeah. Uh, never broke any bones. And I fucked myself up in 2020. I fucked up my hand skateboarding and I'm like, I made it this far. I'm not pushing this. This is stupid. Because you can't just do it all willy-nilly once every three months. You're going to get killed.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
I've seen... That's what I'm trying not to say. You've got to be like Tony Hawk. He got fucked up. I know. Tony Hawk got fucked up. And even the last documentary was kind of a dark thing where Stacey Peralta, his mentor, was like, he's going to hurt himself. He's kind of got to slow down. But Tony Hawk can't slow down because... He's just got it in him, you know? It's just one of those things.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
It's like the movie The Wrestling, but way better. Sorry, Tony. I love you. I love you, Tony.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Oh, no.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Is this her first time?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
I did so much better. Even as a child.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
She's just fucked. Get up! Or stay still, one or the other.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Then she gets up there and somebody pees on her.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
My God. Yeah. I did the stair master for about a half an hour. You know, got some exercise. That's the equivalent of like 10 stories. I fell down the Empire State Building. Stairwell today. Do you really worry about that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Yeah. There's a lot that can go wrong with an escalator. Fuck. Oh, that was so good. That was incredible entertainment, though. It sucks, you know, you sit down and you write and you write and you write, but how can you top that? I know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
What if you live your whole life and you're a great person, you've done all these things, you've raised a family, and then this is your moment? This is your moment.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
And she's like, well, at least that's over. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Oh, someone is filming this. See how it went sideways? But it looks fixed. Yeah, you're right.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
I'm almost out.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Roy, you got to check this out, man. Look at her.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
You're there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
And then what's your reward? You get to go to Target after this? We think the head's got to be fucked up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
She's missing some serious instincts that it requires to be a human being. Yeah, how does she... Because theoretically, it's easier than stairs.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Yeah. Like, that's not... She's leaning back.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
I had no idea, you know, this type of thing needs instructions, but clearly, some people could take a class.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Your back. I mean, it's your back.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
It's strong, but... You're done. That's how you do it. Yeah. That's how you do it. Well, that's how you quit gymnastics. That's how you quit. Yeah, right. Force quit. Right. No, you're done. But you have to quit gymnastics pretty early anyway.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Are we watching a terrorist attack right now?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Oh, okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Well, that counts for something. Yeah. That's like a percentage here. He liked it. Serious percentage here.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Can we watch the pee video again?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
She's fine. She got up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
If it starts with Hitler, it ends with terrorism. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Let me find you something.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
I can get a crack rock for $50. Am I inclined to buy it? She's like, this is why we're fat? Yeah. That's her point. She's saying it's too easy to be fat, so you've got to be fat. It's a compelling argument.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
It's so easy. And $113 is still kind of a lot for all that shitty food. None of it even looked good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
I wonder if he keeps the crucifix necklace on.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
It's cute. I thought it was light, cute, fun. Everybody wins. She has a job. He gets to jerk off. Yeah, come on. It's a happy ending. How do you not like that? How do you not like that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
God damn it. That's what I'm talking about.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
You guys are the best. Let's find that car that hit me. All right. We'll see you guys later. So much to do.