Mark Fischbach
Appearances
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Oh, I see. All right. He's talking about the You're Welcome Tour, the thing that only a fraction of you ever saw and no one will ever experience again. Because even if we were to put on another show, we wouldn't remember what we did. Everyone who watches sees it every episode. Nope. That's just AI art that you've hung on the wall behind you, I'm pretty sure.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
but cncs are cool because cncs allow you to if it's a higher end cnc allow you to mill metal parts and so metal parts and metal manufacturing and working with metal is a i don't know i keep hitting my desk for this you're making the winter soldier yes yes i am thank you for recognizing why am i so orange hold on i remember whenever he had his arm handed to him
Distractible
Who Want Million?
yeah arm i remember arm metal fabrication is a threshold of production that is hard to meet it's easy to get tools not easy but it's it's accessible to get tools that can uh fabricate wood and plastics and you know other materials that are softer like that but once you get into metal you need higher thresholds of both tooling and accuracy um so nowadays they're starting to be more accessible
Distractible
Who Want Million?
entry-level CNC machines. It's not a 5-axis machine, but I'm looking at a 3-axis machine, and it would be really cool to have that because then if you ever break anything, like if your bike breaks or your brake handle breaks or any part of your car breaks and you have a big enough CNC for it, you can literally make that part again. What would the five axis do that the three can't?
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Obviously it has more axes. The head rotates and tilts and things. So you can imagine it has, it can cut a very fine point, but that takes forever. But if you're trying to make something that's like a compound curve, or if you're trying to mill out under a ledge or something, there are physical limits on, you have one stick that sticks straight down and moves around like this.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
So you can't make every shape you might need to make to make like a complex three-dimensional thing. But you could have multiple setups or you could mill parts that you then fasten together somehow or weld or whatever. But, like, a 5-axis literally means you can make just about anything, which is very cool. What about a 10-axis? 10-axis, probably. I think there actually is a 9-axis machine.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
I don't know what the hell that does. The other axes are space and time. goes forward at normal speed it'll predict what you wanted to make and then go back in time make it for you and you'll be like wow thank you machine i think let's turn my engagement ring to call Anyway, so three-axis machines starting to get more accessible.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
It really opens up the door, especially for prop manufacturing, because if you're making props and you're limited to a lot of wood-based things, there are limits to what that can do and the materials with it is. You can electroplate some things, but having actual metal parts and if you're Building up an office and you want to, like, hang things, metal brackets, you don't need to buy them.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
All kinds of things you can make with metal that are incredibly useful. I bet you can make cool camera accessories that go on, like, rails and lenses and things. Oh, actually, you're so right. I didn't even think of that. I bet you can make all kinds of shit for cameras.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
absolutely because there's so many mounting things for cameras that i didn't even i haven't even thought of that because all of my different cameras have different cages that you can put around them and you have to buy those and they're like hundreds of dollars and you slap them all your cage and you bird cages batting cages mouse cages exactly yeah nicholas cages yeah
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Anyway, it can thread and all. So I haven't gotten it yet, but I'm probably going to order one soon. That'd be very cool. Jason's going to do all that, because I don't know how to use that. I didn't graduate engineering school, and I don't think my degree would have even had me near one of those machines. So, yeah. Anyway, you ready for the game?
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Honestly, I'd talk about CNC for the whole rest of the episode. But yeah, we could do your idea or whatever. That's fine. I'll talk about it once I actually get it. And then I'll have a ton to talk about. But until then, editors, hit the lights. Spotlight.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
There's going to be a spot. I remember the spotlight sound now. I don't remember the rest of it.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
but welcome to who wants to be a millionaire oh that was the sound effect of the now i'm with you is that not what you thought of i that's immediately i didn't know that was i didn't think of anything with that that's okay you better fill it up full of stuff because these are going to be some real whoppers of questions i have in front of me
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Okay, good gray cream. Anyway, my name is Mark. This is Bob. That's Wade. We are here to bring you entertaining content week after week after week after week after week after week after week. And what thanks do we get? Thanks, bud. Oh, I meant for me. But yeah, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
every million dollar question that has ever been played on the show. And the only way that you can get points the rest of this entire episode is by getting these questions right. Challenge accepted. I will afford you one lifeline that you can use twice. Because we don't have an audience to poll, and we don't have the... Oh, I guess I could eliminate two choices. Okay, maybe that is it.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
I'll give you an elimination of choice. I'll give you a phone a friend, and you have to actually phone a friend. Oh, I just don't want to do that. That's not worth it. And I'll let you use the phone a friend more than once. How about that? Okay, okay. You get two phone a friends, one knock half off, something like that. Is that fair, or do you want two and two? Is that more fair? What's more fair?
Distractible
Who Want Million?
No, you get three in the actual thing, right? So assuming we did great and we made it all the way to the million dollar question with all of our lifelines intact, that's best case scenario. I feel like we should get three things.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
No, you get a 50-50, you get a phone call, and you get a flex spot. You can either do another 50-50 or another phone a friend. So you get one of the remove 50-50, one phone a friend, and then the other one you can make whatever it is. Are you saying it's a flex lifeline? Yes, it is. That's a lot of lifelines! Sorry. I've been watching a lot of Flex Steel stuff lately. I can't. Oh.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Phil Spencer's in my head. I can't get him out. All right. So I'm going to flip a coin because we actually got official coins here. Official whatever coins we bought on the internet? Yes, yes. Mine's different. This is for, you know, future fairness. But who wants to be heads? I mean, I think Wade is the head. Wait, is it bald or does it have hair? Got hair. and a chiseled jaw. Okay. I have hair.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
I'm hair side. Weight is whatever's on the other side. Yep. Got me, Bob. All right. Can I just, is this how it is on the half dollar? Like with Kennedy having this deep of a, you see that cheek? Oh my God. No, he's, he's been mewing out of his mind for that one.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Yeah, look at that pudge. That's a normal guy pudge right there. He's got the chin of a statesman. No, this chiseled unbelievably. I don't know if that's how it is on the actual. I don't think it is. I actually have somewhere in my life. I think it's in my nightstand. I have a half dollar that I got when I was born that I've kept with me. Well, a real one. It's made of silver.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
That should be the ethos of this entire era. We did the whole thing with the Constitution and we got the coin. And then Mark is like, all right, heads as Bob, tails as Wade. Tails! Bob wins! It's fair! The coin! It's fair! I could have sworn I said Wade with heads. I don't know. I thought that's what you guys... So who is it? Wade? It's technically Wade, I think. All right. I don't care.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Anyone want to say the word? Anyone want to say it? That was the fairest thing that's ever happened. I love that. All right, Wade, you're going first. Great. All right, here's your question. This is actually in order of how they appeared in the show's history.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
So if you have watched the show a bunch and you memorized every question that they ever asked, you would have a lot of good chance to get this right. I probably saw almost all of these live on TV. I don't remember a single one, I don't think. weighed for one million dollars on february 22nd 1989 what group won the first grammy award for best hard rock metal performance is it a metallica B. ACDC.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
All right. Okay. Wow. Right off the gate. Okay. Who are you calling? I'm kind of thinking about who's awake this time of day. What? It's the middle of the day. What are you calling someone in Australia?
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Hello? Hey, man. Wait, put it on speaker. Put it on speaker. I don't believe you.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
The wrong way. February 28th. Oh, you talking about the Grammys of 89? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I didn't watch that one. I wasn't born yet. Me either.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
so what's the question who won no well who was there who was there who was nominated oh hey bob what was the question is there an all of the above on february 22nd 1989 who won the first ever grammy award for hard rock or metal album yeah that okay all right um Well, I think I know this one.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Congratulations! You got that with Jethro Tull. Who the hell is Jethro Tull? You don't know who Jethro Tull is? I don't know who Jethro Tull is. No idea. Jethro Tull. Hey, Aqualung!
Distractible
Who Want Million?
that is that's right anchorman well i know that reference but i don't know what the original is he has a demon mask and a flute and uh a head rappy if you want an absolute uh sleeper butt banger you should listen to jethro tull's christmas album it is
Distractible
Who Want Million?
weird but it's very good well like most of these musicians that i don't know i probably heard their music before so i'm pretty sure it's somewhere there okay but congratulations wade you got a point thank you wasn't it clever calling the guy asking the questions i know who i'm calling
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Okay. I'll allow each of you to call one person once, but... You got in on a technicality. All right, here we go. Bob! For one million dollars. And also one...
Distractible
Who Want Million?
for one million dollars wait am i am i dramatic or yeah we're all dramatic for one million dollars uh editors you can zoom me i'm too lazy well you gotta make a face when you yeah there you go which of these u.s presidents appeared on the television series laugh in is it a lyndon johnson B. Richard Nixon C. Jimmy Carter D. Gerald Ford Wow.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
I know generally that laughing existed, and I actually know all four of those presidents' names. Uh-huh. Good, good. I don't think the 50-50 is going to help me very much. The main thing I don't know is when exactly laughing aired. It could be any time post-World War II, basically, as far as I know. I think I might know someone who might actually know the answer to this. Oh, yeah?
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Who's not Mark, who's looking at the answer to this. But I don't know if he's going to answer the phone if I call him. That's okay. If they don't answer, it won't use up your call. All right. I'm going to see if I can get him on the phone. I'm going to call my dad. Can you hear that okay?
Distractible
Who Want Million?
250 million streams, which is impressive. I'm pretty sure these are all watchers. Oh, yeah, absolutely.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Hey. I'm recording an episode of Distractible, and it's kind of like who wants to be a millionaire. So I'm phoning a friend because I think Dad might know this one.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Okay. You know, you could drive. It's an easy one. Which of these U.S. presidents appeared on the television series Laugh-In? Lyndon Johnson? Lyndon... Oh. He just knows. All right. Well, I thought you might know that.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Bye, love you. So, your father was pretty confident about Richard Nixon. He seemed to know that it was old tricky dick. What was that, B, Richard Nixon? Is that your final answer? Lock it in, Richard Nixon. Locking it in? Well... That's correct! Wow, he knew that off the bat. That was pretty good.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
No, the listeners, you know, I don't even know why they're still here after all the shit we give them. Thank you, listeners. But thank you, watchers, also. Anyway, what are you guys' lives up to? Well, my life's not doing much without me. I don't know. No, you know what I did do? Did I talk about that I got more tools lately? No, no, you didn't.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Also, it didn't say that they were president when they were on Laugh-In. I have no idea why else Jimmy Carter would be on Laugh-In, but, like, it could have been a guest on the show as, like, a senator or something. I don't know.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Enough chatter! Boo! Your question for $1 million and or one point. In what language was Anne Frank's original diary first published? Was it A, Dutch, B, English, C, French, D, German?
Distractible
Who Want Million?
correct that's correct apparently it was first published in dutch who knew why did i know that too i my first instinct was dutch really aggressively i have no idea why i knew that even before mark gave me the options i was like probably dutch and i was like
Distractible
Who Want Million?
It was Dutch. What a weird instinct that we had. This feels like a thing Dutch people would be interested in, I guess. For the record, on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, when this was asked, he did not get it correct. So both of you guessed better than he did. What an idiot. And he also used his phone a friend for this question, and his friend led him astray.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Do you guys know who wants to be a millionaire lore? Do you know any lore about the show? No, not much. Actually, there was a guy who won a million dollars and he got to the million dollar question. And the guy was like, I want to use my phone, a friend. And I forget who he called, but he called like his wife or his dad or something.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
And they answered and he was like, hey, I'm about to win a million dollars. See ya! And then answered the question because he knew the answer. And it was like the most epic. It was a great moment. It was very awesome. I did see, I have seen that moment. That one was actually the question that you just answered, Bob, was the laugh in. Oh, I should have done that. No, he called his dad.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
You called your dad. Oh. It's like you're the same person. So where's my million dollars? Well... I'm gonna call Regis. I have a question for you, Bob. For one million dollars and or maybe one point, in what country are all U.S. Major League Baseballs currently manufactured? Is it A. Costa Rica? B. Haiti. C. The Dominican Republic. Or D. Cuba. I'm pretty sure it's not Cuba. Could be Haiti.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
It's not Ryobi days, but I got some more Ryobi in my life. Did I talk about my tool? Yeah, I talked about my workbench thing. Oh, yeah, you did. Okay. No, but I'm stocking it up. I got some other stuff. I got some bins to store my fasteners, which is what cool guys call screws. It's fasteners. I have fasteners. A variety of fasteners. Not just Phillips head ones, either. Robertson fasteners.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
They eat our pets, not our balls. I had another... Goddamn. I had another gut reaction on this one, that it was going to be Dominican Republic before you said that that was one of the options. I don't have any rational reason why I would know, and I don't think the 50-50 is going to help me. So I'm just going to say Dominican Republic. What was that? C, Dominican Republic? That's my answer.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Final answer. That's my final answer, Regis. Meredith, are you Meredith Fiera? Which one are you? Which one am I? That's another question for another day. It's Mr. Jenkins. That is. Incorrect. Ah, son of a bitch. Ah, sorry. Costa Rica, then? It is, in fact, Costa Rica, and we're not doing any steals, so I can tell you that, yes, it is Costa Rica.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
And in fact, when this question was asked, they did use the 50-50, and it eliminated the Dominican Republic and Cuba from the options. Well, Cuba, sure. That seems pretty unlikely.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Why did I think it was Dominican Republic then? Why? We are moving up into the trajectory of difficulty because those were the original questions. And actually, they got more difficult as time went on because they had to be more and more obscure because too many people were winning a million dollars. So they made them even more difficult. than ever before. They're going to be worth two points.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Ooh. Shit, should have saved my phone a French. Oh, also they started putting time limits in. When did they, what year did they start putting time limits in? That was later on, if I remember, but I don't know exactly when it was. It looks like in 2009 is when they started putting time limits in. That's like well into Meredith Fier's tenure, isn't it? 2009, I think so. I have no idea, honestly.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Wade, I'm going to give you the first timed question that was ever asked for a million dollars. And also, there's a lot less million dollar questions being asked at this point because even the previous questions were made more difficult. For $1 million for ordering his favorite beverages on demand, Lyndon B. Johnson had four buttons installed in the Oval Office labeled Coffee, Tea, Coke, and what?
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Is it A, Fresca? B, V8? C, Yoo-Hoo? D, A&W. I'll use my 50-50. You're using your 50-50. We're striking B and D. So V8 and A&W were not the right answers. Your options are A, Fresca, and C, Yoo-Hoo. I'm going to go with A, Fresca. Final answer. Lock it in. I don't think that's right. That is...
Distractible
Who Want Million?
absolutely correct i don't even know what a fresca is oh you don't yeah what's fresca fresca still exists it's grapefruit soda it's sugar-free grapefruit soda it's very good really that sounds great why have i never heard of it if you drink a lot of it it'll give you diarrhea though because grapefruit does that oh i do know what that okay i see yeah don't you want to want to fresca
Distractible
Who Want Million?
I don't know that one. But I have seen this can before. I feel like my dad used to stock up Fresca. My dad's come up a lot today for some reason.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Oh, dude. Fruitopia was the shit. Oh, my God. That was middle school.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
all right bob your question what great thinker's death is attributed to a chill he caught while stuffing a chicken with snow for an experiment on refrigeration was it a pythagoras b archimedes c isaac newton or d francis bacon god i hope it's francis bacon a bacon stuffed chicken does sound good a bacon wrap chicken that would have prevented his sickness Gotta chill.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Roberts? Robertson? They're Canadian, and they are squares. You put a square into a square, and it fastens. Oh, so you didn't get the Robertson B. You got the Robertson A. I also have Torx fasteners. I don't know what I'm going to... You know what I am? I do know what I'm going to use it for. I'm going to build cabinets. You guys excited to hear my adventures in the building?
Distractible
Who Want Million?
So also studying refrigeration isn't even a notion that Pythagoras would have had, I don't think. And were the other ones Isaac Newton and Archimedes? A. Pythagoras, B. Archimedes, C. Isaac Newton, and D. Francis Bacon. I don't think Archimedes would have been any notions about refrigeration either. But I don't think Isaac Newton would have.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
I have no concept of when refrigeration became... Yeah, that's tough. I'd like to use my 50-50. I'm knocking two options off the board. Pythagoras is not the right answer, and Isaac Newton is not the right answer. Your options are B, Archimedes, or D, Francis Bacon. It's got to be D, Francis Bacon. Is that your final answer? That's my final answer.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
He's the first Viscount St. Alpin, obviously. And the first Baron Verulam, obviously. He was born before Isaac Newton. He pioneered the scientific method. Well, I'm stupid. He was born before Isaac Newton? Yeah, yeah. I don't know why I thought Francis Bacon was more contemporary. So I guess it's like the concept of refrigeration here is just keeping food cold to make it longer, last longer.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
It couldn't have been anything to do with handling raw chicken and stuff and snow inside of it. No, it's fine. That's not what makes people sick. It's he caught a chill. And to remind everyone, these are now worth two points. So the Fresca question was worth two, that's worth two. Wade, are you ready? Yeah, sorry, I was reading about Francis Bacon. Go for it.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
For a million dollars and or two points, which first lady was a ninth generation descendant of Pocahontas? Was it A, Helen Taft? B. Edith Wilson C. Bess Truman D. Mamie Eisenhower Can you list them one more time, the answers? First lady, ninth generation descendant of Pocahontas. A. Helen Taft B. Edith Wilson C. Bess Truman D. Mamie Eisenhower
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Is any of this landing? The more I say, the more boring it sounds. Yeah, I know. I'm all for it. I was just talking about CNC just before we started recording. I know, but that's cool. I have a, I have a jigsaw. No, that's cool. That's very cool. Like the tricycle and the little cheeks. Sure. And a Brad nailer. Ah, little 18 gauge.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Like, yeah, just calculating how many generations would be from Pocahontas. But I wouldn't know what era that is. Yeah, but you see, for that, you need to know when Pocahontas. That's true, and I do not know that.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Nine generations is a lot. I was thinking Eisenhower. Nine generations is a lot of people.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Anyway, go ahead. Bob. For one million and maybe two points. Who delivered the less famous... hour long speech that preceded Abraham Lincoln's two minute Gettysburg Address. Uh oh. Lost to the annals of history was either A. Wendell Phillips B. Daniel Webster C. Robert G. Ingersoll or D. Edward Everett I know all four of those guys so this is a tough choice phone one of them
Distractible
Who Want Million?
I'd like to phone my friend Gemini. What? Who? You know, Gem. I call him Gem. Here, I'll get my phone out and talk to them. I mean, phone call. I'm going to do a phone call. Hi, Gem. I was just, I'm playing Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, and I just need your help. Do you think you can help me answer a question?
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Yeah. Hey, Mark, what's the question? Read me the question. All right. So the question is, who delivered the less famous to deliver the less famous to our speech that preceded Abraham Lincoln's two minute Gettysburg Address?
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Okay, that's enough. Thanks. That's a lot of information. Okay, I'm going to call you later. Bye. Oh, man. Good friend. Oh, wow. What a friend. I didn't even listen to the other options. They just knew it. Just like your dad. I just know smart people. Uh-huh, yeah. You're right. That was a person, and they are smart. You don't have to follow their advice, though.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
They may not know what they're talking about. What did they say? Okay. uh no they said uh uh read me the answers again i remember i remember a wendell phillips b daniel webster c robert g ingersoll and d edward everett oh that's the one everett oh lee that's uh yeah no i think gem gem probably knows i'm gonna say d final answer lock it in gem i didn't get that all right this final answer uh
Distractible
Who Want Million?
That's absolutely crazy. Wow. Some might say that that is not fair. Who? Who might say? Might you say that a different way? A lesser man than me. Are you sure about that? What do you think, Bob? Do you think? Bob, that felt incredibly fair. You called the man asking the questions. I called an unrelated being who just happened to know the answer.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
That's most of it. I don't actually have the, any of the materials yet. I'm not, it's just, you know, feathering my nest, which is what all good work where woodworkers do before they start actually touching wood or building anything. That's pretty much it. It's gross outside. It's not a lot of snow like last time.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Jem is a great friend, and we chat all the time. All right, fair enough. Fair. All right, fair. It's fair. Wade, let me give you a good one because we're running out of time here. So we're just going to probably do this question and then the next one and we'll close it out. Wade, for $1 million and or two points, Nephilocaxigia. All right, man.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Is this a non-English version of who wants to be a millionaire? What's happening?
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Nephilocaxia is the practice of doing what? A, finding shapes in clouds. B, sleeping with your eyes open. C, breaking glass with your voice. Or D, swimming in freezing water. Nephilococcygia.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Okay. I'm eliminating B... sleeping with your eyes open, and D, swimming in freezing water. So you're left with A, finding shapes in clouds, or C, breaking glass with your voice. And once again, it's Nephilocaxigia.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
What do you think your coccyx is? Just curious. Yeah, I'm kind of curious about that. I don't know. I just wanted to sound smart. All right. Is that your final answer? Yeah. That is absolutely incorrect, you fool.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
It's just an annoying amount of snow where it's shitty and snowy and it's all already turning into mud. But also it's 12 degrees outside, so it's ice mud now. So fucking thanks, Punxsutawney dick.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
I don't think you do anything with your tailbone in any of this. You sit on your coccyx and look at the Nephilim dances. You sit on your coccyx to... No, if you're going to break a glass with your voice, you better be standing. Yeah, you better be. That was incorrect, and maybe if I'd have spelled it for you, I don't know if it would have helped any at all. It was N-E-P-H-E-L-O-C-O-C-C-Y-G-I-A.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Wait, Y-G-I-A? Yeah, C-Y-G-I-A. C-Y-G-I-A. Okay, if you'd have spelled it out, it would have gone with clouds. Oh, well, sorry. That's just the way.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Oh, I want you to do it. You want me to do it? I'll do it. I just itch it to flip something. Come on. All right, fine. Okay, Bob, let me get you a good one. Have I failed both 50-50s? I have, right? Yeah. I haven't actually used my 50-50 yet, right? You know what? I need three 50-50s to balance it out. All right, Bob.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Compiled by Benjamin Franklin in 1737, the Drinker's Dictionary included all but which of these synonyms for drunkenness? A. Nymph Topsicle B. Buzzay C, pithlicated. D, staggerish. And reminder, it's all but one of these. I'm picking the one that's not in there. Not in there. In the Drinker's Diary of 1737. And I still have a 50-50 to use, right?
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Didn't you use your flex on the... I talked about it, but I used two phone of friends, but I didn't actually 50-50 because I didn't think I needed it, right?
Distractible
Who Want Million?
I talked about it on the baseball one, but I didn't use it on the baseball one. I got that one wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're open. If I'm going by my slashes, because I was slashing when it was there, so I don't have a slasher. I'm definitely going to use that 50-50 since I got it. So, of the words that are not included in this dictionary, what was not included was buzze and staggerish.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
So you're left with the options between nymph-topsicle and piflicated. Those were the two I was thinking of. good good good ben frank i am ben franklin i am ben frank writing my book putting it in the printing press sitting on his coccyx while he does it it's it's gonna be it's gotta be a because of ben franklin reasons so nymph topsy nymph topsy nymph is a bad word it's not nymph it's nymph
Distractible
Who Want Million?
I heard that. That's how he talked. Look it up. There's wax cylinders. Look it up. I remember back when I was talking about the Ben Franklin show and how it pissed me off because Michael Douglas just didn't like him as Ben Franklin. That would have been a way better Ben Franklin than you doing Ben Franklin, honestly. Man. Anyway, that is...
Distractible
Who Want Million?
incorrect wow nym topsycal was in the drinker's diary but piflicated was not but piflicated is so much more obvious what that is than nymtoxical i have no idea piflicated what is that a separate word that means something i think this question is unfair what that's right Okay. Are you claiming unfairness on my behalf? Yes.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
I guess we don't have a rule that says can't happen, but does that mean that the punishment... Wait, so what are the results of this then? Yeah, wait. Three somethings, you get two points. I don't know if three somethings Mark gets it.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
and if it's three the other he loses two points that's an interesting way to play the unfair rule to potentially screw over your opponent oh my god what in the hell did we just i don't know man okay all right okay so head if it's three heads bob will get the points it was worth two does that mean it's worth four
Distractible
Who Want Million?
If it's three heads, it will be made doubly fair, which should mean that I get four points. If it's three tails, if it will be made doubly unfair, which means I should lose four points. Yeah, but what does neutral mean? Wait, okay. So if it's not either of those, nothing happens. Right. It's it's to say if something is fair. And in this case, what would be fair?
Distractible
Who Want Million?
It was him getting the wrong answer. That is fair. Therefore, if it goes to unfair by being all heads, it will reverse that decision and make it fair from its unfair state. Therefore, flipping it there, he won't get double. He will get two points. But if it goes extra unfair, he will be punished for it, and he will not only not have points, but he'll lose it. Two points. Okay.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
So if it's all heads, he gets two points. If it's anything but all heads or all tails, it's fair, declared fair. Okay, I think.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
right i just also want to put this out there my coin the tails is the lion and the heads is this one of a lady standing there not looking so we're doing we're flipping the way mark flipped flip catch and then show yeah no flipping it over on your wrist just show it right down there all right here we go i got heads i got heads heads what Yes!
Distractible
Who Want Million?
That's a ride or die right there, Bob. You know, that's worth more than its weight in gold. You get two points, I guess. All right.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
All right, well, congratulations, everybody who participated in this. That was well fought. You both won millions upon millions of dollars, but only one of you can be the winner of the episode.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
what kind what size what width the works works nitro 40 volt 12 inch works is okay it was rated the best when i was looking i don't have strong opinions about works i've heard i've heard fine things 40 volt outdoor tools are what's up though i listen it's all about the electric yard tools unless you're like a you know super serious there was the what was the other brand green green works green works is a good shit man
Distractible
Who Want Million?
I've got the wheel with everything on it that you need to add one to, but you have to figure out the three-sided die situation. in honor of wade i i'll put it who the person who bent the most rules without breaking them i don't know who that goes to that's definitely you in this one but it'll be in the wheel forever from now on all right that's in there bent the most rules without breaking them
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Alright, and then I gotta roll a three-sided die? To see how many wheel spins we're doing, yeah. Roll three-sided die. Do I need to show you or is it on our system? I think we just do on our system. One to three, here we go, and go! Two! We're rolling it two times that fucking wheel. Can you show your screen for it, even though I know it messes up, but I want to see this wheel. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
It's a big ass. God, next year it's gonna be so fucking big. It's going to be unreadable. We're just going to have to see what happens. Ready? Two spins. Ready? Watch out. Most locked in. I mean, you locked in all your answers. That's true. Who got more of them correct? Are they the most locked in? Might be. I feel like we were both pretty on it today, actually.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Like, sometimes Wade totally spaces out, and it's like, you probably should have won right until the end there. If we're going by just pure questions, Wade has it. But does the unfairness ruling put it back in? Because it would tie it. Technically, does that mean that I got that question correct in the world as is rewritten? That's what I'm... Because how far do our powers reach?
Distractible
Who Want Million?
That's true. I think if I had to go, Wade was also quick to answer. I will say that he was very quick to answer, even if they sometimes were very wrong. He did snap those decisions. I think Wade would get the locked in point. That feels okay to me. That feels right.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Oh my God. Oh, that is not good for me. All right. This is going to be a close game. I have no idea where the points are going to land.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
All right. No, no, no, no, no, no. There's no way. There's no fucking way. There's no way.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
All right. So we've got... Bob, you got a point for new tools. You got a point for destroying Tyler's knee forever. Got him. You got a point for Richard Nixon. Two points for Francis Bacon. Two points for Edward Everett. And then you got a bonus two points for unfairness. Wade, you got a point for Robertson, eh? You got a point for gotta works, eh? Gotta make that money make purse.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
It's a reference to an 80s K-pop song that Amy plays a lot that I like. I was thinking that when I said it. Good. All right. You got a point for rip off. You got a point for Jethro Tull. You got a point for Dutch. Fuck. You got two points for Fresca. You got a point for locked in. You got a point for bent rules without breaking.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Yeah. Oh, my God. Okay. It's reset down to six, right? Yeah. We technically spun it at my one man show. Did that add to it? No, because I was like an isolated thing. Yeah, I think that was default. I think we're at six. Okay. All right. Okay. We'll start at six and from here on out.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Oh, man. Well, we'll see if all of your schemes, both for you and against you, Wade, gives you luck in this.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
So it's six and then 47, 47, right? Yes. We got 47 Wade, 47 Bob, six for one man show. I swear to God. There is no possible way that we got three heads in this episode. It ended up being a tie. And then Mark will hit on a 6%. There's no way. Uh-huh. I dare God. All right, I'll spin the thing.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Oh. Whoa! And Wade's schemes somehow got him the win! Don't call it a comeback! That is astonishing. Even after giving Bob two points for unfairness, you won the wheel spins to get you back a chance at the winner's seat with the spin, and then the wheel decided in your favor. Congratulations, Wade. I can't believe it.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
unfair no only one per episode uh one one total per episode i honestly thought it was a little bit because i thought double or nothing meant you would have gotten four points but no i the way mark explained it i was on board i was on board so that means next next round is eight percent one man show yes yes it would be eight eight forty six forty six got it got it got it i've got it written down here that in this episode the wheel was six percent so that we know what the next one will be
Distractible
Who Want Million?
incredibly done uh i i can hardly believe that no one saw it coming now wade you're the winner here but bob is the loser so i think bob has to uh make his lose speech oh oh my clothes oh and i got a haircut what happened uh hey look okay it's it's a little bit later i'm not gonna lie chat uh chat i'm not gonna lie listeners but mostly watchers
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Who Want Million?
it's different it's a different time now and i don't remember what happened in this episode but i do know that i lost i knew a lot of answers to questions if i recall my dad was in this episode you know i'm the only one on the show that's got that going for me right now come on man Listen, it is outrageous that I lost.
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Who Want Million?
I think everyone will agree because all that stuff I said was really smart and very funny. But I'm going to lose with dignity and only make one dead dad joke, apparently. Dignity. Wade, your winner speech?
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Okay, and with that, we're going to end it. Thank you, everybody. You can never see the tour. We're not going on tour again, ever, for the You're Welcome Tour. But I'm happy to announce that Distractible will not also be going on tour. Merch doesn't exist. It's not a real word. Don't say it anymore. We will find you if you do, and we will know if you did.
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Who Want Million?
Bob and Wade can be found at their various usernames, their online handles, and their internet personas. Their OnlyFans is now half off for only the next month. Thank you all so much for joining. Have a lovely day. Follow the podcast. Tell your friends about it. Hold people hostage. Hack your local office's security system so all the security guards have to see it. 24-7.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
By hack, I meant funny prank. It wasn't real. That was all not true. Wink? No, I don't... Unwink. Unwink? Podcast out.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
All right. Well, you'll be prepared for next year, I suppose. Oh, it's still February. There's still time for pain. And usually March or April gives us one more little spit. You just Hawk Tua and snow on that thing? Yeah, but we don't rip it off afterward. Ah.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Oh! Alleged. Rip off. I thought you were... I understood where both of you were coming from, and I loved every second of that. It was a subtle joke. You don't do that, though. You make the joke that's, like, hanging out there that everyone else is like, ah, I won't do it. And you're like, uh... I'll do it. Someone's got to. That's true. If no one makes the joke, does it even exist?
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Who Want Million?
Hello and welcome to Distractible! This is the podcast where we're all friends and we sing and dance together as chums and pals and good people that have known each other a while and hang out regularly and talk and share their feelings. That all sounded right, but somehow it felt wrong. All right. But I'm with you. Do we dance? Have we ever danced in the same?
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Who Want Million?
And then Mark and Ethan weren't sick enough. That was such a funny thing. Literally, Mark was like, Guys, I don't know if I can do a show where I have to sing and talk. For an hour. And the doctor, the Dutch doctor came in and was like, he seems fine. What do you mean a need to cancel for health reasons?
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Yeah, that really was what it was about. For full context, we were doing a show, I believe in Amsterdam? Yeah, I think it was in Amsterdam. Amsterdam. And so I was sick. Ethan was sick. Horrifically sick. Voices are gone. So we're like, I don't think we can do this show. I actually, just to prove it, I took a picture of what I had coughed up.
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Who Want Million?
And it was just like the most horrifying green slime I've ever seen in my life. Clearly bronchitis or something similar. And Ethan had the same thing. And I took a picture because I was like, well, I'll show the doctor and prove it. And so they called the doctor in, old doctor with a leather briefcase, you know, like the... He listens to both me and Ethan breathing.
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Who Want Million?
And when Ethan is breathing there with him, I can hear his breath rattling outside. I don't need the stethoscope to hear what's going on in his lungs. And I'm like six feet away.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
and then he takes it off like sounds fine to me he just no you're good no training mannequin and he compared your breathing to the mannequins he's like well you sound better than this guy so clearly you can go on if the mannequin can perform yeah and i remember him asking now in the show are you doing a lot of talking and singing and i'm like that's kind of the whole show they're like ah that's exclusively what we do ah well then just don't do that you're fine just
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Who Want Million?
just do a show that is improv comedy live on stage where mark just stands on the side the whole time and doesn't speak or or do anything and or ethan and just me wade and tyler struggling through improv scenes with each other for that's basically what they expected to pay for probably
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Maybe. Except that one time where I almost passed out in the middle of a dance battle. Or later on when we were doing later shows. I started going dizzy. Who got kicked? Didn't Ethan kick somebody? Tyler ended up in a wheelchair in Atlanta. He still blames that on me because he was doing a thing and he stepped on me and it ruined his knee forever and he had to have surgery on it.
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Who Want Million?
I don't feel like I did a lot, but I was the thing he stepped on. So I guess it's my fault. That makes sense. Yeah. Have you learned your lesson? I do remember someone getting kicked, but I don't remember who it was or who did the kicking. Somebody got kicked in the face a little bit. I think Ethan got kicked in the face a little bit, but I don't remember why or who.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
It was something to do with the dance battle. A lot of people. Oh, yeah. No, I did. I kicked him. Oh, you kicked him in the face. I kicked him right in the face. Yeah. I have a video that's like the thumbnail is the freeze frame of me kicking him in the face. I did that.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Well, honestly, it was a soft kick. He barely got kicked in the face. He was fine. Yeah. A lot of flailing going on in our dance battles.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
I mean, we've been at weddings, I guess, and stuff. So we probably danced near each other.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
yeah yeah so are we yeah well obviously we are but oh okay we're in good company here this isn't a thing that happened to me but i thought it was very interesting and mark you're on the sports podcast so this will be appealing to you the uh nhl four nations face-off has been happening which is kind of like a cooler version of like an all-star game basically this it's america canada uh
Distractible
Who Want Million?
finland and sweden and they're like national teams but it's just like a little mini tournament in the middle of the nhl season and it's cool it's like all the best players are all playing all on the same it's very fun for no apparent reason canada has taken to booing the american national anthem at nhl games and uh it's inexplicable
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Who Want Million?
And the American they did that in a game in Canada where it was USA versus Canada. And the USA players didn't take very kindly to that. They were they stood up for themselves. And this is the first ever hockey game I've seen that started with three consecutive fights. Literally, they lined up at center ice to drop the puck. The ref was all dropped. And guys were just like, my turn. Boom. Fight.
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Who Want Million?
Two seconds off the clock. And they lined and fought it out. And then guys in the penalty box lined up again. Another fight lined up again. Another fight. After all that, America actually went on to win, which is just embarrassing. Isn't hockey like Canada's thing? They have other things like mooses and hockey, right? Like what goes on up there? Curling, I guess. Maybe they'll beat us at curling.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
I don't know, but with the US one three to one, but that was probably the craziest hockey game I've ever seen. Tensions were a little high, but it was very entertaining and also a little like the third fight started and everyone was kind of like, it's not fun anymore. That's too much.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
I did not dance in that. Why would you go to that point in the song? Like, why was that your well so well? That's the part where we all arm and arm and leg kick. You're dancing the whole time and the entire experience is a dance.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
Well, Canada historically has always been our enemy. In fact, our nemesis, I'd say. They're pretty hot-blooded as a people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that they're both our nemesis and nowhere near equivalent to us. So they're like a non-threat, but we should definitely antagonize them at every turn. Yeah.
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Who Want Million?
disparage them but they're welcome to join us i don't know that we have anyone in the world we can call friend i mean well if they want to get better at hockey we're we're the one that's better so they should probably anyway i just thought that was pretty wild lots of fighting
Distractible
Who Want Million?
It's like, give us some space. Yeah, I know, right? Enemies. Now, Russia, always been friendly. Sarah Palin could see it from her house.
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Who Want Million?
Which is like the right distance to be, you know, good friends. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, gotta be at least a little bit.
Distractible
Who Want Million?
I loved it in Rocky 3 when he finally gave Dobby a sock and let him go. Old Lucius Malfoy was like, my son lost at boxing. Here's a sock. And Dobby was like, oh, bye. You know, classics. Voldemort rose from the cauldron and said, if he dies, he dies.
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Who Want Million?
God, I love movies. I can see why you're so passionate about it, Mark. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Yeah, the Canada hockey game. How dare they? I don't know anything about that because I don't follow sports, but I do follow CNC. Cartoon Network cartoon? No, no, no, no.
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Who Want Million?
all the chair of national colorado's i will give someone a point if they can tell me what cnc stands for and here's the kicker i don't know what it stands for so i won't know if you're right i i thought i just had a thought i was like oh i know that what did you do i know that do i i don't know that computer navigated cutting that's pretty good that's good needle cutting okay all right i'll take it let's see actually what does it stand for i don't know
Distractible
Who Want Million?
What does that stand for? I swear, I definitely should know that, but I can't remember. Okay, you want to hear it? It's Computer Numerical Control. Oh. Which I did not know. I did not know that. No, I definitely heard that at some point and then forgot it. I did not.