Maria Shriver
Appearances
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
Yeah, I can't do that. I have to call my son all the time. And he's like, I've shown you this before, Mommy. I said, I know, but I can't remember. Could you show it again?
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
Okay, it went away. It went away. It said, update now, update later, press here. And Sean's like, move it, move it. So I can watch the three of you. That's what he kept saying. He's like, I want to mirror the three of us. I'm like, just wait a minute. We'll watch the three of you. He goes, do you want to watch one version of us or do you want to watch 10 different clips of us?
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
I said, oh, I want to watch 10 different clips. That's all I want to do tonight. You're hijacked. Yeah, is watch the three of you.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
I go to the last, I go to a place where my emotional sobriety is challenged. And that's, I go home to Hyannisport where all my cousins are.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
Oh, I went to, yeah, I've been to a lot of retreats. That's Hoffman. That's what it is.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
Actually, and I'm going back for a tune-up again. I'm a big believer in exploring yourself. That's kind of why I wrote this new book on poetry and reflection.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
Yes, I am. And there's a long story behind that. Yeah. Anyway, I'm a big believer in trying to understand why you may feel dissatisfied, why you may feel stuck, why you may feel angry. Why do you erupt here, there, and everywhere? What is going on inside of you? You erupt!
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
I feel like I'm at home. I feel like I'm so at home. I've asked Sean to bring you guys to dinner one night.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
Sean, you said, remember I said when we did those questions that lovers do, marriage couples do. And so I asked Sean to do it with me. And one of the things was, you know, you had to go through what do we like about each other? How do we want the other person to grow? He had done it with Scotty. So I said, can you do it with me?
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
And then one of the things I said to you at the end is I want you to invite me to meet your friends.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
I love that. I love that you're doing that because I think it's, I do that through writing and sometimes I've done it through therapy, but I find that when I write and if I write early in the morning and I write when it's quiet and that's what this book kind of is a lot of poetry.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
It's kind of on the stream of consciousness, just allowing stuff to come up and you find that there's a whole other person living in there or a whole other voice that wants to speak, which is really fascinating.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
Oh, I love that. That's so beautiful. My brother now goes to Clay too. Clay is really great at reminding you who you are at telling you what he sees and reassuring you that that voice that's telling you all those other things is wrong and that what he sees is what other people see. And I think we all need a friend like that, actually. Sean, you're like that with me, right?
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
You tell me what you see, you remind me when I go down a hole. They often, in lyrical, sometimes people call that an anamkara. There's a book about that that John O'Donohue, the poet, wrote called the Anamkara, which means soul friend. It's Gaelic, right? It means soul friend. And it's somebody who is a very intimate friend. It can be a sexual person, but it can often very not be at all.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
And it's just someone who sees you, who reflects back to you who you are, who tells you, who's honest with you, who tells you what they see. Yeah, I love that. and reassures you that you're on the path and also is honest enough to tell you when you've fallen off of it and can remind you that you can get back up.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
He does bring his own dessert, though. He does bring his own dessert. He sure does.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
Do I talk to you or do I talk to, I mean, or Will? Will, ask me a question or do I go to you? I know.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
It's a lot. It's a lot, actually. But I find after doing a lot of work, I find myself now in a really good place about it.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
Right, yeah, but I think we all have a choice about how we want to conduct ourselves in that experience, right? And I think what I tried to do was outwork my lineage, which was a mistake. And I thought, like, oh, if I...
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
you know, get accomplished if I do all these things, then you won't be introducing me by whose daughter I am, whose cousin I am, whose niece I am, and won't be talking to me only about those things. And that was a driver, certainly, but I think it was unrealistic because I came to understand, like, I'm never going to outwork that. I'm never going to outperform that.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
I'm never going to out that, right, so to speak. So getting to a place where like, okay, wait a minute, let me figure out how to accept that, how to be happy when people come up and that's all they want to talk to me about. And then just try to understand that I have my own practice. I have friends who understand who I am, who love me for me, and that I can't change everybody's opinion.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
Like I go through the... or I sit down and that's what all people want to talk to me about, I just go, okay, now I understand that. I just let that be and I don't get mad at them.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
And so I think it's just getting to a place of understanding that, that that's part of you and not fighting it. And then just trying to figure out, okay, what do I want to do? Which brings me back, you know, what are the issues that I care about? And not feeling like I'm not performing if I'm not running for president. That's kind of how I grew up. Like, if you're not going to...
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
you know, run for that, like get out of the way, you know, go to the back of the room. So I had to go like, okay, you know, and my mother was also a total force of nature, quite a tough woman. And she also was not interested in hearing any complaint about anything.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
Well, I was aware she terrified everybody and she terrified me too. So, I mean, I... So, I was aware of that. I was aware that she was formidable. And, you know, I stood up, as I said, every time she walked in the room till the day she died, right? Both my parents. I was raised that way. My grandparents, my parents, you know, like... They're in charge. They're running the roast.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
And they had really high expectations. And I was... And my brothers. So they were very clear about their expectations. And if you were not doing them... You just did not do that.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
Well, I tried to kind of take a lot of the things both my parents instilled in me, but I tried to be softer in that I tried to say, I love you. I tried to touch them and hold them and nurture them. you know, I guess really touch, you know, hold them.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
And, you know, I think my, but I also have, and through Hoffman and other work, understood that my mother, you know, asking my mother to give me something that wasn't given to her was unfair. And so she didn't grow up being held like that. She didn't grow up being, she was loved in a different way. And I felt loved, but not like how I would look at other people's mothers.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
I think, and I always tell you, I think like, who do I want at my 70th birthday? Who do I want at my funeral? And I work on those relationships now.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
And I'm now going to include you to the other boys now at my funeral and my birthday party. I just grew my list.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
I hope you'll bring a poem because I've got this book of poetry. That's mainly when people use poems, right? They stand up at a funeral. They stand up at a wedding.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
Yes, and then a poem. Do you have a poem in your life that's, like, important? Nothing.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
Oh, yeah, I have a person I'd get to meet. I really want to meet and sit and have a meal with the Pope.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
I'll change. I'll even give up my Sunday dinner for the Pope. Let me talk. I'll move everything around for the Pope. Wow. For Francis. Yeah. He's my man.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
Just put me in your luggage. Take me there to Rome. I think if I could just get in and sit down at the table, you're not allowed. My brother went there and you're not, if you see him eating there, you're not allowed to go over and talk. And so my brother said, well, you would break that rule, Maria. I said, oh, for sure.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
I can't believe that. I can't be, I'm going, I'm throwing, the blowing. I just am like, oh, I feel so at home. I have four brothers.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
I grew up like that. I still live like that. So I have four brothers, so this was not a shock to me at all. I actually really enjoyed it.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
The first day of our friendship. I know I've been asking Sean to invite me on this show since the very beginning, and he wouldn't invite me. He wouldn't invite me. He would never invite me.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
I'm like, because people all say to me, why has Sean never had you on a show? It's so weird. I go, I know, it's so weird. It is weird.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
But you said to me, I said, what I'm so excited about is the only show I've ever gone on where I haven't prepared at all. Because you told me not to prepare at all. So I didn't brush my hair. I had no makeup.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
Good question. I often go to my kids, actually. I have deep conversations with my kids. It depends what I'm looking for advice for. I have four brothers, so I usually go to them. I would say I go to my four brothers.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
Depending on the subject matter. So each brother's a little different. They have a different level of expertise in different areas. But I often go to probably my brothers, my kids... Sometimes my son-in-law, now, I go to him.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
Well, how to stay engaged and not be mean in the engagement. How to get above all of the rancor and still stay in trying to make the world better. Still trying to figure out how to keep your voice measured. Really good word. How to keep myself focused on what I'm trying to focus on and not get mixed up in what everybody wants to get you mixed up in. Sometimes I do that well and sometimes I don't.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
I try not to do that. I try not to get into that at all. I try to just figure out what do I want to change in the world? What's my issue? What are the one or two things I want to do? And I try to stay on that. and really focus on that. I have a spiritual practice that helps me in the morning stay focused. And I try to talk about my own emotional sobriety.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
And I try to think about, okay, how is this gonna put my own ball down the court? I work on Alzheimer's research a lot. I work on women's health. And so I try to kind of focus on those things. And I try not to kind of attack people personally, which is always a challenge.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
Yeah, I also try to follow people that I admire, who are inspiring, who I respect. And there's a great guy named Father Richard Rohr who has a school. It's called Contemplatives in Action. And I think that that's a really cool concept to be in the world today. but to be contemplative in it, to bring about change in the world.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
But how you go about doing it, I think we think all the time we have to be angry and divisive and partisan to bring about any change. And I don't subscribe to that. I think that we can walk into the world and be determined to be focused, but we don't have to be angry and mean about it. It's kind of like, how do you fight, so to speak?
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
And we always think you have to fight rough and tumble and mean. And I think you can fight for an issue in a very focused way, but not a mean, divisive way.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
Although I just, I love, last year I worked with President Biden and we started the very first White House initiative on women's health and research.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
It was really big because there had never been believe it or not, in this country, a White House initiative on women's health and research. And there had never been, we only spend 10% of the NIH budget on women's health and research. So we're so far behind and that's been a passion.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
And so that was a really big passion project and we did a lot of great work before he left. And so that's something that's still really important to me because we're really far behind for women of all ages.
SmartLess
"Maria Shriver"
Talk about an instrument. I went there and I, of course, made me cry. Oh, we've talked about it.
The Dr. Hyman Show
Dementia Is Skyrocketing—Here’s How to Protect Your Brain NOW
Yes, I couldn't agree more.
The Dr. Hyman Show
Dementia Is Skyrocketing—Here’s How to Protect Your Brain NOW
That can be monetized.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
for you to share those words where you're like, here's my intention and God lead me. I really try to sit in silence. I do my meditation and I sit in silence to try to hear my voice, try to hear God's voice, try to hear where I'm being directed.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
If the show went away, right? If everything you've accumulated went away, would there be anybody there for you? Would you be okay to say, I am Jamie and that full stop, end of story and be okay standing in that? And I think that's really up to each and every one of us. I'm a big believer in trying to figure out who is that and am I okay without all the other parts of that?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
And so I think that's a journey that we all go on. What I've seen with this book is that everybody that's picked it up has said to me, I went on my own journey with it, or this is also my life. I too have struggled with grief. I too have struggled with feeling small. I too have struggled with my parents. I too have struggled with invisibility. I think we live in such a fast-paced world.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
We live in a world where everybody asks us what we do. Yes. And I think that makes people feel like what they do might not be enough to make you interested in talking to them, make you interested in spending time with them. And I think society tells you that what you do is who you are. And I'm trying to say, that's not who you are.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
And you get to decide who you are and you get to decide how to introduce yourself. You get to decide how to stand in your own being. You get to decide if you're enough and what that means to you.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
I got fired from a job early on when I was the anchor of the CBS Morning News. I got fired. The whole show got fired. I had made the mistake of thinking that the show was my family. I had made the mistake of thinking that the show loved me, that everybody there were my great, great friends and would be there for me always. And then it was over. And I never made that mistake again.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
I had that too.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
Yes, I was talking to Martha Beck, who's a great friend of mine. And I was talking to her like, I need to get at peace. I need to figure this thing out because I'm going. I got to get going. I got to get going with my life. I got to get going. And she said to me, where are you going? And I'm like, what do you mean, where am I going? She goes, where are you in such a hurry to go?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
And I was like, where am I in a hurry to go? Wow, I have no idea. I have no idea where I'm trying to go. And she goes, I want you to think about that. You don't know where you're going and you're in a hurry to get there. That's not a good situation. And I was like, yep, she's absolutely right. And I think all of us are taught to get going, to write a bestselling book, to win awards,
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
something for the show you're doing to be seen exterior. And I certainly bought into that. I was raised in a family that talked a lot about external achievement that, you know, wanted you to go out and change the world. I saw my parents doing that. I saw my uncles doing that. So I was like, oh, I'm supposed to do that. That's the ticket. That's what society expects of you. Yeah.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
And that's where the love is. And it turned out that's actually not where the love is. The love is one-on-one. The love is time with your kids who love you and they don't know what you do. The time is with people who call you and want to just sit with you. You don't have to add other people. You don't have to have a big fancy party. They're fine with just you.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
The love is girlfriends who sit there with you no matter what. or guy friends or whomever, siblings, whatever, whoever your people are, that's where the love is. That's where being seen is. We think being seen is in external achievement. And I bought into that only to discover, wait a minute, this isn't giving me the feeling I thought it would. So let me go back.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
so I can go forward in a different way. And I have since discovered that the feeling I was looking for is in this one-on-one connection, these friendships, the love that I was seeking. It doesn't come from what society tells you it's going to come from. That's fleeting.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
I got to get going. I got to get going with my life. I got to get going. And she said to me, where are you going? And I'm like, what do you mean, where am I going? She goes, where are you in such a hurry to go? And I was like, where am I in a hurry to go? wow, I have no idea. I have no idea where I'm trying to go. And she goes, I want you to think about that.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
I could write a whole book just on my mom. I'm an only girl. I have four brothers. And so I think when I came along, or from my mother, you know, we had this relationship where I was her only daughter. And she was a formidable, formidable force of nature. Had she been born in a different time, everybody always said she would have been president of the United States.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
And so I think she was a woman who grew up, not I think, she was a woman who grew up in a very male-focused family at a time when all of the energy of society and all of the lens of society was focused on men. And here she was, as smart, as driven, as competent as any man in her family.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
And she went on to create the Special Olympics, and her vision was and her mission was to change the world for people with intellectual disabilities, make them and their families feel seen, feel equal, feel valued. I think the things that she was seeking as a woman herself, and she was pushing her mission through this process
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
population because she had a sister with an intellectual disability who couldn't find a place to go to camp, who couldn't find a place to compete in school. So she fashioned a program that her mother could have used, her sister could have used, and that she knew millions of other families could use and could have used, right?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
And she kind of single-handedly with her force, with her rage, with her passion, with her purpose, made that come to life. And obviously with the help of thousands and thousands of volunteers. But that was her 100 hour a week. That was her thing, you know? And so watching her, you know, I thought like, wow, this was a woman who was driven by,
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
who to be seen, she didn't use those words, but I think that was, she was fighting for a population who was unseen, but also she was fighting for herself. And so it was both an honor and a privilege to be her only daughter. It was a lot to be her only daughter. She had tremendous grief in her life. Both of her brothers were assassinated, her older brother,
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
killed in a plane crash in World War II, her older sister killed in a plane crash, and she lived in a grief-illiterate family, and she lived in a society that was grief-illiterate. So the way that generation dealt with grief was to just Experience it, shove it down and carry on. And the thing I think we know now about grief is that you can't shove it down.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
It will pop up in different ways in your life. You can't outrun it. You can't escape it because it stays in your body. And I think I have a poem in there about the padded door because my mother had padded doors. And I've since heard from other people since I wrote this who also had padded doors. mothers with padded doors.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
And that was, she explained to me, her way of getting rest, sleeping, drowning out the noise so that she could go out and change the world. But as a child, I experienced that differently. But I have come to really have so much compassion and empathy for her that nobody helped her with her grief.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
You don't know where you're going and you're in a hurry to get there.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
Nobody had compassion for her while she was showing all this compassion and empathy for millions of people with intellectual disabilities, but nobody was doing that for her. And so I have this beautiful relationship with her in death. and as an adult that I couldn't have had with her in life because she wouldn't have allowed it, really.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
And so I say that because I always felt like, who would I be without my mother when she died? I didn't think I could survive because she was my best friend. And I've crafted a different kind of relationship with her in death where I can talk about her like this. And I can talk about
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
I think she represented so many other women of her generation and men, really, of her generation that weren't allowed or didn't think they were allowed to talk about what they saw in the war, be it World War II, be it the Vietnam War. And it's only now that we're beginning to talk about trauma. We're beginning to talk about grief. We're beginning to... allow these conversations in families.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
How are you experiencing this situation? How are you experiencing your parents' divorce? How are you experiencing a death in the family? And allowing people the space for their grief and for their trauma. You know, growing up with her, she was an incredible role model. She was, as I said, a force of nature. She carried a briefcase. She went to work. She hung with men.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
She raised me to compete with men and she raised me to be tough. And and I think that was what I needed for a long, long time. And then it became something I didn't need.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
None. Yeah. I wanted to change that for my own mothering. I wanted to do some of the things my mother did, but I wanted to be softer. Did she ever say I love you to you?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
None. None. Yeah. Nobody talked about, I love you, right? It wasn't, you know, I'm constantly telling my kids, I love you, you know, squeezing them, holding them. And, but that wasn't how my mother was raised. So she wasn't, you know, she was, I'm proud of you, get out there. And when I accomplished something, she'd say, good job. Now, now what are you going to do? Now, what's next?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
Where are we going? She was the voice of, where are we going? She was the voice of, you can do more. She was the voice of, and I took on her voice as my own. I think we often do that, right? And proudly so, you know. But I wanted to change that from my own mothering. I wanted to do some of the things my mother did, but I wanted to be softer with her.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
She did after she, when she got really much older and she was sick and I would get in the bed with her and I go, mommy, I love you. And she'd be like, I love you. And she's like, okay, I love you too. But I think it was, it was hard for her. And I've also talked to so many people who had the same experience. And did your dad say it?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
Yeah, he did, but it wasn't, once again, my parents were on a mission. They were deeply religious people who felt that they were put here on earth to change the world in Jesus's name, in social justice's name. They were here to help the poor, heal the sick, change the world. And they did not sit around and talk about feelings. We did not sit on the couch and chill. They were not chillers.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
They were doers. If I talked to them about, I need to sit and chill or something, it was not something... that was accepted, allowed, it was not their vibe.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
Oh, they say it now, right? I mean, I don't have to wait 50 years. They'll tell me now, I wish you would slow down. I wish you weren't running around as much as you do. They will say you were strict. But I think that they will they'll say you emphasize manners a lot, which is true. They say you're the only one that gave us a curfew and we did not like that.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
You're the one that called and checked on other people's parents to see if they were home. It was embarrassing. You embarrassed us. You were strict. But. They say, you know, now, when I'm sitting there, they say, oh, you know, we like that. We would emulate that. But I think every kid wants to maybe obviously change what their parents did. I think that's just the cycle, you know.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
I think they say certain things about how their dad was as a dad and how I was and am as a mom. I think probably... If they had one request, it would be maybe that I wouldn't work at the level that I work. But I think they know that I tried and continue to try my hardest, that I was there.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
So I always say to them, you know, I'll go to therapy with you any day, any time, and you can complain all you want. The one thing you cannot say is that I wasn't there. Yeah.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
That I was there? Yeah. I changed my career dramatically. Each time I had a kid, I downsized my career to adjust to the fact that I had four little kids. I knew that I was married to someone who had a big career and that somebody was going to have to drop down. And somebody was going to have to be at home. And I knew that somebody was going to be me.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
And I also tried to always look at it as the long haul, that this was a time and space, you know, and that, you know, they're only little ones. They're only teenagers once. Before they go off to college, you only have this moment. And so I didn't want to miss that time. And so I knew my career would be there. Thank God I got fired from a job early on when I was the anchor of the CBS Morning News.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
I got fired. The whole show got fired. And I had made the mistake of thinking that the show was my family. I had made the mistake of thinking that the show loved me, that everybody there were my great, great friends and would be there for me always. And then it was over. And I never made that mistake again. It helped me put work in perspective.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
It helped me realize, oh, wait a minute, this is not my family. this place can throw me out in a second. So I need to think about my family, my real family. I think I need to think about my real life and put this part of my life in perspective. But I think had I not been fired, that probably I would have not had that wake up call.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
Oh, well, first of all, I'm proud of them collectively. I'm proud of them as a unit, that they're very devoted to each other. They're very loyal to each other. They do things together, you know, separate from me or their dad. Catherine is an incredible mom and wife. She's also writes books, children's books, but she's very highly organized and just born kind of to be a mom.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
Christina is deep and wise and loving and funny as all get out and really... wants to help the world and help people who are struggling with their mental health and with animals that are left by the side of the road. And that's her passion. That's her mission. Patrick is my partner in business with Mosh. He's smart as all get out. He's funny as all get out.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
He's having a moment, but he's an incredible boyfriend and I think will be an incredible husband and father forever. Christopher is wise and deep and loving. He was born. That way people all talk about his energy and his compassion and his empathy. And this morning we're taping this on the day that the Pope died and I had taken Christopher.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
I'd covered when the Pope became the Pope and I took him with me to Rome and to see that. And so my first call this morning was him. And he said, I'm thinking about you today. I know how much you loved the Pope. And I remember when we went there, what a big deal it was for you. And I just, I love you, mommy. And I'm thinking about you this morning.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
So he's that guy and he's going to be an unbelievable dad and an unbelievable husband. And they're all funny. They're really funny. They have really good heads on their shoulders. I'm very proud of how they've navigated their lives, our divorce, how they are just devoted to both of us and to each other. And they're just really good, loving people.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
And I'm so blessed with my son-in-law who is so loving and spiritual, kind. He's such a great husband and father. And he is such a great... you know, member of our family, same with my daughter-in-law to be Abby. And I think that that's really been, you know, super important, you know, when children get partners, how do those partners fit in? How do you welcome those partners?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
How does everybody, uh, make sure that they make room and how do we open up our hearts to make sure that we're a growing family, an inclusive family, a loving family. That's my job. I always remind, you know, I have four brothers, so I have four sister-in-laws and it's really important. I always would say to my daughters, you know, you have to always make room.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
When your brothers bring somebody home, we've got to expand because our goal is to be welcoming and to be open and to keep communication going because you never want to put yourself in a place to make a brother or sister choose between their partner and their relationship with you. Family is everything. So, um, So far, so good.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
But I'm constantly, because I've heard so many people struggle in this space and see how fragile it is. So I think family's fragile. And I think recognizing and understanding that at every increment, it's fragile. And so to give it a strong foundation to keep the communication open and recognize that it's both strong and fragile is important. Yeah.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
Well, I think there are, you know, I think 60, 70, 80 million people who've been fractured by politics in this era. And so I hear it a lot, and my extended family is no different from that. And I think that's a work in progress, right? I think you have to come from a place of trying to accept, trying to be seen, trying to promote love trying to promote understanding and not vilify.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
I was down at the King Center not too long ago in Atlanta. They were putting up a portrait of my parents, and they put up portraits around the King Center of people who have continued in the work of Martin Luther King and nonviolence, and they were putting up a portrait of my dad and my mom. And so I went and looked at the principles of nonviolence.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
And one of them, which King got from Gandhi and espoused, was not to other, not to vilify the person, right, that was espousing something different from you. And I think that, and just once again, coming back to the Pope, I was listening to something about him this morning, and he said the greatest tragedy today is indifference.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
people who have no opinion, people who don't care, people who are apathetic. So I think that there are people who care differently, who have different opinions. I struggle in this moment because so much of the work that I've done in Alzheimer's
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
was to, I've testified twice before the Congress for more increased funding for Alzheimer's research so we can find a cure for these neurological diseases that impact so many millions of people. I partnered with President Biden and Dr. Biden to launch the first ever White House initiative on women's health and research to try to elevate women's health and research, which lags decades behind
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
that of men. And so that work is very focused at the NIH, as is the Alzheimer's research. And those are really bipartisan issues. But to watch them in the next couple of months go from an all-time high to an all-time low is challenging for somebody like myself, who's in the advocacy space.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
So I'm trying to, like I think many people, find what is the right way to approach some of these issues at this moment. And I don't think, you know, I watch how other people have done it and I don't see, oh, that's it.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
You know, I think kind of finding some kind of middle ground, finding a voice that will bring people together, finding a way to talk to one another, whether it's at the kitchen table or, in the Congress is a challenge today. And so it's something that I'm thinking a lot about how to do that well. And when I figure out how to do it well, I'll do it.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
Well, I think it's, you know, I think a lot of people, you know, have that on smaller scales. Yeah. So I think it's, you know, once again, it's like listening to my own voice. If I listen to everybody saying, you should do this and you should do that and you should attack this person, you should go over there and you should make a stand here. And if you don't, you're complicit.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
If you do, you're not, you know, it's like, I feel really proud that I've made a difference in Alzheimer's. I've rewritten, along with others, the narrative in Alzheimer's to put women front and center. The Shriver Report did that.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
After everybody telling me that Alzheimer's did not disproportionately impact women, I spent two years researching that, going out, and lo and behold, it did, and it does. And so pushing that boulder for the last 24 years has been the work of my life to tell researchers and doctors, wait a minute. you don't have this right. Women are disproportionately impacted by Alzheimer's.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
Two out of three brains that are diagnosed with Alzheimer's belong to women. And that came from our work, right? I partnered with the Alzheimer's Association and we did that. I started a nonprofit called the Women's Alzheimer's Movement because there was no research into women's brains. And saying, you know, women do age differently. Women's health span is different.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
And people are like, no, no, no, it's not. Women are just like men. Well, they're not.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
And so very often the prevailing wisdom isn't actually the wisdom. Right? Yes. And women's health and research, when I've been trying to, you know, when I went to President Biden and Dr. Biden and said, you know, we're 11% of NIH budget women's health and research. That's... Not right. We're half the population. We deserve better.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
Women who go to the doctor don't have the research when we want to know why do women have 80% of the autoimmune diseases. We don't have the research. We don't have the research on menopause, on perimenopause. We don't have the research on birth control. We don't have the research on MS. Why? Because nobody thought to research women's health, right? Yes.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
And so I think that I'm very happy with how I've listened to my voice and it's led me in both of those areas. And I'm confident it will lead me at this moment into the right place.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
And I think that what I've, you know, out on this book tour, I think people often feel, I've felt, you know, they're heartbroken about things that go on in their lives. But there's a lot of heartbreak about the country.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
as well but there's so many good people in the country and there's so many people doing really inspiring things and people who are doing things you know like people come up to me all the time and they'll say like I'm just doing this small thing there's no small and big yeah right whatever you're doing is big to the person you're doing it for yeah if you're out serving on a soup line
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
giving that person a bowl is huge. If you're out working in your church, handing out food, that's huge. If you're donating clothing and handing out clothing, that's huge. I think we live also, once again, coming back to this, you know, in a society where like people think like, what I'm doing is small and someone else's thing is big. And therefore, does this really matter? Right.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
And one of the things that I love about the book tour is that I get to hear all the monumental, moving humanity things that are going on without hearing big or small, without hearing, you know, is this important or is this not? And that that's what really moves humanity forward.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
People who are taking responsibility in their neighborhoods, working in their schools, working in their local churches, working working with their local fire department, their police departments, running for city council, running for the school board. These are all huge, um,
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
acts of service acts of service and i think that i hope that we can get back to just honoring acts of service and not thinking if they're big or small yeah not thinking about yeah because we feel insignificant like oh well you know i can only do this much it's like well that much really matters that much really matters and that much is significant yeah who's to decide
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
if something is insignificant or significant? Who's to decide if something is big or small? Who's to decide whether what you're doing matters or not? You. Yeah. That's why coming back to the warning to your voice, when people say, like, you have to make a statement about this, or you have to jump into this, or you have to do something bigger than what you're doing, or you should scale up.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
Like, says who? Says who? Says who?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
Thank you, Jamie. Thank you. I'm so happy to be here. You've been so gracious and generous in your support of everything that I do. So I'm really happy to be here. Totally. At peace.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
Well, that's kind of the intention with which I live my life. Every day I try to get up and remind myself that I'm here to be of service in every way, shape and form. And my mission is to move humanity forward in everything that I do. And what that means to me is to be intentional about how I use my voice, intentional about what I'm doing.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
what I'm offering does it fit that mission statement am I walking that path and so even like this morning I get up and I'm like okay I'm a child of God I'm here to be of service my mission is to move humanity forward everything I do today I hope is in that in thought word and deed and um you know, lead me. And I try to kind of just follow that on a daily basis.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
And that helps me tremendously deciding like what to do, where to go, how to live. It's helpful to me. So I'm always grateful that if I'm offering something that it has, that it helps somebody in some way.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
Yeah, I do that. And then I do a meditation. I mean, I make my coffee. But then I really try to sit in silence. I do my meditation and I sit in silence to try to hear my voice, try to hear God's voice, try to hear where I'm being directed. And then, you know, if what I'm doing, should I be making a left turn? Should I be making a right turn? Or something will come up and it'll say...
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
Go spend more time with this specific child of yours. Go and spend more time on this specific project that you're doing. Go and think about how to do this specific thing better. I hear in the early hours of the morning. That's when I can hear my own voice or God's voice or direction. It's hard to hear it during the day. It's hard to hear it when everybody's, you know, telling you.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
what to do or where to go or you should be doing this or you should be doing that. I think we're all susceptible to that. But the early morning is my sacred time, my special time, my God time, my me time. And it's really helpful to me in how I live my life.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
Oh, no, I hear it. I see it. I also ask for, you know, I ask for direction all the time. I'm a big believer in direction. in my higher power, my God. I'm a big believer in asking for help, for direction. And I don't know, you know, it's a voice that one hears inside. But if I weren't quiet, I wouldn't hear it.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
And if I weren't quiet, I wouldn't have been able to write any of the poems that I wrote because they all emanated from quiet. And I know it's really hard for people to find quiet time.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
people are raising kids taking care of aging parents partnering working sometimes one or two jobs and they have to you know i remember when my kids were little running into the bathroom and shutting the door just to get five minutes by myself you know so i could go you know and breathe but i i wish somebody had told me back then that you know quiet time your own time to uh
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
find your space, hear your voice would be the most important time you spend in your day. And I would have probably thought that was selfish, but if someone had explained it to me as a kind of saving time for yourself, I think that would have been helpful, which is why I always try to talk about it. That morning time, that quiet time is your time.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
And whether you believe in God or not, but it's your time to hear your own voice.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
It's quiet.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
It's stillness because I haven't read an email. Nobody has told me what I should do with the day. Nobody has tried to influence me. And it took me a long time to get quiet, to be okay with quiet. Because sometimes when you sit quiet, your mind is racing and you can't determine like whose voice is up there, whose voice is in here.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
And I think the more comfortable you get in time with your own voice, then you begin to trust it.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
Well, I think that's really, I think identity is such a fluid thing. You know, we're a student, we're someone's child, we're someone's wife, we're someone's partner, we're such and such at a job. And I think the fear is if that job goes away, if that relationship goes away, if any of this goes away, will we be okay on our own? Will anybody love us? on our own? Will anybody see us?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Maria Shriver: Life-Changing Lessons on Believing You’re Enough, Forgiveness & Creating Your Best Life Now! (Pt 1)
Identity is such a fluid thing. You know, we're a student, we're someone's child, we're someone's wife, we're someone's partner, we're such and such at a job. And I think the fear is if that job goes away, if that relationship goes away, if any of this goes away, will we be okay on our own? Will anybody love us on our own? Will anybody see us?