Marcia Gay Harden
Appearances
I've Had It
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We're going to just shoot the shit with this guest. We're going to drag out dead horses and beat them because in Trump's America, misery loves company. All right? And our company today is... an Oscar-winning actress. Look at us, Oscar winner. Get the fuck out of here.
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Get the fuck out of here. Okay, Oscar-winning actress and co-creator of new children's mindfulness podcast, Snorri's, Marsha Gay Harden. Listener, this may come as a total shock to you, but Pumps and I have not always been this pulled together and rock solid. In fact, we used to be rather screwed up when you say Pumps. I would say damn near psychotic. Totally.
I've Had It
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And we have written a cell phone expose. One could even say it's a manifesto. And the book title is Life is a Lazy Susan of Shit Sandwiches. In all sincerity, we share a lot of our struggles that led us to this grand stage where we can talk about petty grievances. You can click the link below in the show notes to pre-order your copy now.
I've Had It
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I've Had It
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I've Had It
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Head over to bombas.com slash had it and use code had it for 20% off your first purchase. That's B-O-M-B-A-S dot com slash had it code had it for 20% off your first purchase. Bombas dot com slash had it. And listener, be sure to use the code HADIT. This episode of I've Had It is brought to you by Progressive Insurance.
I've Had It
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I've Had It
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Try it today at Progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states. Marsha Gay Harden, welcome to I've Had It, a dump truck of petty grievances. And welcome to Asshole Island. This is the place where we are all going to get through Trump's America. Awesome. I'm setting up a tent right now.
I've Had It
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I'm camping here. Marsha, I know that you probably have a lot of great grievances. So tell us what you've had it with.
I've Had It
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Just wait a little bit. Wait until nine and then do the beep, beep, beep. Marsha, you know what? When I'm really mad at my husband and we're just kind of into it, I'll say you're like one of those goddamn dump trucks going beep, beep, beep, beep, just dumping on me. And so I use that like I relate that is so irritating. Only a life partner can get you that angry.
I've Had It
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Somebody that you have to live and share life with. And I love my husband. Everybody knows I love my husband. But it wouldn't be normal to not like at some point be very irritated by the way the person breathes, which is the very essence of marriage, I think. So I totally relate to that.
I've Had It
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I love that. That's a great one. I think that is absolutely perfect. Okay. You emailed us some of your habits and some of these were just so good. We just need to go through them. I want you to share with our listener your grievance about automated robot appointments.
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That drives me crazy. It's horrific. Anytime you try to call somebody in a customer service style setting, whether it's a doctor's appointment, an airline, and you're talking to a robot, I mean, there's nothing more relatable than seeing a person on the phone going, robot.
I've Had It
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And you know what's so wild about this is there is this is a common sentiment. And if we take our petty grievances and then attach them to global grievances right now, Elon Musk, unelected president. parasite, sucks off the federal government, all of our taxpayer money, is firing hardworking people. And then he's making them write out emails like what they've done the last few days.
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And he's going to have AI determine, AI determine if these human beings deserve to keep their job or not.
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It really is. It makes me, you know, for a lot of people, they get a they're not looking to be like super wealthy. They're looking for just a stable income.
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life and they get a government job and they make good money they have insurance they have a pension and they go clock in clock out earnestly and then you have this guy come in who sucked off the government with all of his companies and all the government was investigating him and so he goes and tries to shut down all of these places and then thousands of people are losing their jobs and and he's going to let ai determine it it's just
I've Had It
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I can't even believe this moment. Listener. What do you do? What do you do? What have you done?
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Let's talk about, though, for all of us that see this for what it is, that aren't indoctrinated into right-wing propaganda, and all of us that are sitting here horrified and heartbroken, how important it is for us to build communities. And I believe you have some... One of your children or a couple of your children are queer, Marcia. Is that right? Yeah, they all are. All are.
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Okay. I thought that you and Trump's America eyeliner seems to be all the rage that you were like doing the J.D. Vance thing. look. And so I just thought, okay, if you can't beat them, join them. You go ahead, Meemaw. But my apologies. I didn't know that I was to nitpick your makeup.
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Who cares? I think you're onto something about like having to claim what you are or not. I'm an atheist. And really like the title atheist becomes this big thing because we live in the Bible belt and people will be like, oh my God. And really at the end of the day, Marsha and Pumps, Everybody is an atheist to every single other religion that they reject.
I've Had It
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I am exactly where they are on Scientology, on Judaism, on Islam, on Hindu, on Buddhism, on any random cult, Greek mythology, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. I just take it one step further. I also reject Christianity. And I think it's this really weird thing that I would have to say, like label myself Christian.
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As an atheist, because it's not like I just don't have any like super natural thinking that propels me. Now, if somebody is a Christian light and you get something centering from that, I don't have an issue with that. I take issue with these triple Trumper evangelicals that are very anti-gay. and bully gay people, institutionalized gay bullying.
I've Had It
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And I see it here and I've grown up around it my whole life. And I have always stood up for the rights of your children and for any marginalized group because I see how cruel white evangelical Christians are in mass and also. Architecture is terrible at the churches. That's just an aside. I always have to point that out for the record. It's named Pew for a reason. And I think it's a grift.
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I think whenever your pastor has a PJ and he's flying around a private plane and he takes Venmo, I think we all know what's going on. But I do agree that I don't have to claim...
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my heterosexuality to people like i had a friend recently and he came out and there was this expectation that he had to go visit every friend group and say hey i'm gay and i was like hey that i didn't have to go on a heterosexual coming out to her like so i understand your kids the burden that we are putting on everybody to label everything where basically your kids are wonderful loving humans end of story or maybe one of them's an
I've Had It
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No, I love that. And I wish that that were more streamlined. I think that the question, and this might be another podcast entirely, is, you know, I do think the larger issue is that there is a... white people Christian problem in this country.
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And I think we kind of have to talk about it because when you look at Trump's base and you look at evangelicals, it's something like over 90% voted for Trump. And everybody's getting their information from a book, all the same book. And in this book, it tells you how you can treat your slaves. And these same Christians are the one that had slaves.
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And so I used to always feel like I, you know, we can't be so critical about religion and stuff. But now that we're here, we've arrived at fascism, democracy is declining. And then Trump said recently, like he wanted to sniff out like people that had a anti-Christian bias. And I was like, oh, my God, I totally have that. I'm right here. Come get me. I definitely have a bias towards it.
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And I definitely think that I've met, there are some Christian-like friends that I have who don't take the Bible literally. But for, you probably live on the coast in LA or New York, the whole swaths of America, there's this mega church culture, purity culture, very binary culture, and it discourages critical thinking.
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And I believe that this set the psychological soil for these people to be primed to worship Trump. And so I do think we need to be more critical of it. And those Christians who don't take the Bible word for word, but it's a guiding principle in their life, will join in every statement that I just had because they personally wouldn't be offended by that.
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Do you think you should go ahead and tell them what happened at lunch this morning? Oh, God.
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Marcia, I too keep building in my mind, I keep building and creating this aha moment to get me through this Trumpism and this fascist takeover. And I was thinking this morning in the shower, I thought we're going to get to that aha moment where all of these triple Trumpers are going to be like, Oh my God, we screwed up. I'm so sorry.
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And then I thought, they're never going to, they're always going to be in propaganda. This propaganda is always going to exist. They're just, they're just going to keep moving in the goalposts. Maybe we peel off 10% of them that actually have buyer's remorse. But I had to realize like, and maybe this is a really bad character defect in me. And I'll admit that.
I've Had It
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that moment and again that's a very childish impulse that I feel but I feel that because we worked so hard campaigning for Kamala and podcasted our hearts out trying to you know get the message out there to fight the good fight and then you have these triple trumpers and it's just it makes you lose your faith in humanity and I just want to have a really immature told you so moment
I've Had It
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I've Had It
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I've Had It
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I've Had It
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That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash had it to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince dot com slash had it. Okay, Marcia, now we're going to play a game with you called Had It or Hit It. Okay. Oh, my God. Welcome to Had It or Hit It. I would hit it. Had it. Had it. I hit it every day, sometimes twice a day. All right. Had It or Hit It gender reveal parties.
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Yeah. No, they're so. And, you know, when you think about it right now, like for your kids, for your non-binary kid, it would be like jokes on you. We need to have another gender reveal party.
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Had it or hit it camping. Oh, I love camping. That surprises me that you're a camper. It doesn't mean I can kind of get, I get a slight little outdoorsy crunchy vibe from you, Marcia. Can you pitch a tent?
I've Had It
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No, no. Here's what happened. That's exactly what happened. The booth across from us, I know these ladies. I know. And so they were like, hey, ladies. And I go, hey, did y'all just hear what that waitress just said to me? Like I said, you brought them in. Do I have any more witnesses to this? And here's the thing. You know...
I've Had It
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Marsha Gay. Can you imagine? You're driving down the street. Marsha, G-A-Y, Marsha Gay. This sounds a little lesbian-like activity over there. I'm literally an honorary lesbian.
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I, in Trump's America, and you're 50 years old, and you're trying to run this DEI podcast, when somebody comes over and tells you you look good, because we just get ripped in the comment section. I mean, ripped. I just, I'm just glad that I had three witnesses to it. And I'm going to tell you what, everything, you know, like, maybe good news comes in threes.
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Life is profoundly disappointing. The majority of the time, it's how you manage that disappointment. If you give that disappointment from a 1 to 10, if you give it a 10 all the time, you're going to be a basket case. But if you give it a 0.5 or a 1, you're going to be just fine. And you're going to be like, yeah, I get disappointed all the time. My mother taught me this. My father taught me this.
I've Had It
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Oh, I mean, there was zero, zero gentle parenting. I mean, I got spanked with a belt. I mean, it was I mean, but that's just like, you know, my dad was in the Vietnam War. He's a baby boomer. He's a loving great dad. But I mean, it was just we were disciplined. And I was kind of scared of him. And that fear was a really good motivator that kept me in line a little bit.
I've Had It
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Marcia, let me share this with you now. I think my dad probably, that was that generation, I think it's too far. I think the gentle parents are way too far to the other extreme. I think somewhere in the middle is correct, and I've never spanked my kids, not one time. But my oldest son, he goes to Syracuse now. He's a senior in college.
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But when he was in high school, I get this phone call from this mother and he had had a sleepover. She calls me. She said, I just want you to know I just woke the boys up and I was cleaning the upstairs game room and I found a bottle of vodka under the ottoman. And I said, was it empty? And she said, yes. So Dylan comes home.
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And I was like, I don't know if I'm more angry that you drank vodka or if I'm more pissed off that you didn't have the decency to hide that vodka four doors down in the neighbor's trash can to make sure nobody could track it back to you. Just how you were so brazen about, yeah, I drank and who cares? That I think pisses me off more than the vodka. The vodka is what high school students do.
I've Had It
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But the fact that you weren't scared enough to go hide it. You have the decency to try to lie about it. That pisses me off.
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Yeah. Well, Marcia, this has been so great. I'm so happy that you joined us and you're welcome back anytime. And I want you to tell our listeners, a lot of our listeners have toddlers and they use our podcast to escape from the insanity of raising toddlers and tell them about your podcast. Yeah.
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I think I could benefit from I know I was just thinking I might download this for myself I really do because I think you're so right I get as an adult I get into that um the hamster running in the middle of night you know and it's and and I agree with you when I center myself and try to think good thoughts as I'm lulling myself to sleep my next day is so much better but if that if that hamster's running and it's going crazy oh my god I'm a disaster the next day you two are probably
I've Had It
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I love that. This has just been amazing. Marsha Gay Harden, we love having you on. I've had it to do a little petty grievance, big grievance. And I love this nighttime routine. I'm definitely going to try stories. I think as an adult, it's fun to take your mind back to the basics of childhood stories. Yep.
I've Had It
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Oh, I was a silverback gorilla baby. I mean, totally. Okay. All right. Let me tell you guys what I've had it with. So I've had it with my husband and my two kids disappearing forks in my house. Okay, so I noticed about two or three years ago when I was putting the dishes away That there was we were short on forks and I'm talking about six or seven forks. And these are, you know, metal forks.
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You can tell she's very mindful. You can tell she's very intellectual. And the humility to sit there and say that –
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you know she thought about everything being this way when she was younger and then her kids taught her this it shows the evolution so i think marcia's a little cooler than normal now down to earth yes sitting there talking no she's way cooler than us you know what i liked what she said is that her kids taught her perspective because that's so true and i remember having a therapy session and i was going on and on about what what i wanted my child you know what i wanted sam to do
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Yeah. And I do think that that's one of the biggest dangers of parenting, where a parent projects what their child needs to do. Now, we can guide. But when they hear your script and here's what you have to do... At some point, that child is going to have to go through the self-discovery that the parent suppressed because the child had to go on the parent's itinerary and not their own. Right.
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Here's the deal, Angie. All of the, I can blot your face. We can fix the eyeliner. I just want to leave the listener with what happened at the beginning.
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We can go get some new injections. You can get your roots blonde. We can wipe off the J.D. Vance smoky eye.
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our long format on tuesdays and thursdays every single day twice a day if you just want to dabble in the news it's called i hip news on youtube or wherever you get your podcast short digestible ways to stay engaged because you cannot surrender to fascism and we have a sub stack and merge and a bunch of other stuff pumps tell them we will see you next tuesday and thursday
I've Had It
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Listen up, patriots, gaytriots, and natriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called IHIP News. It's Monday through Friday, every day, 15 to 20-minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America, always served with a side of petty grievances.
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we are on all the available platforms apple spotify google whatever you get your podcast and youtube please go rate subscribe and review so that we will chart upwards with america's greatest legal mind pumps and pumps what does an eagle say caca a little bit more enthusiasm that's it that's that's that's the patriotism that this country needs right there
I've Had It
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Oh my God. That, um, that's what happens in Trump's America. That's right. That's what happens. She's sitting there clueless. Like she has never done this before in her life waiting for me. And I'm sitting there waiting for her because everybody knows it's the clap heard around the world from judge Judy, Diana, me, mom, me, curtain law, all the stuff. And you just completely forgot.
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These aren't plastic. These are the kind that you use, put in the dishwasher and you put back in the drawer. So I confront my family and I'm like, I believe that somebody in this house is throwing away forks or taking forks out of this house and not returning to this house because we're short like six forks. They all minimize. They all ridicule. Right. Nobody takes me seriously. Right.
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Well, now bring it to 2025 and we're about 10 forks down. Okay. So that means we probably have about eight to nine left in the silverware drawer. Right. So, and I just refuse to buy anymore. I just, I'm not going to enable this type of fork abduction. Right. On my watch. Okay.
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Right. It is. And so Roman comes into my room the other night. And listen, Roman is my youngest son. And he comes into my room and he's like, hey, mom, where are the forks? And he has like a plate in his hand. I go, I don't know, Roman. You tell me. And he goes, are you up with this conspiracy theory about the forks again, mom? I go, it isn't a conspiracy theory because where are the forks, Roman?
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They didn't grow legs and walk their skinny asses out of this house. You and your brother and your father have done something with them. And I want to know. One day, oh, it was probably about six months ago, I opened up the trash and there was like a takeout box. And I saw this little silverware, it's like a black metal. And I saw this black thing sticking out the side of it.
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And guess what it was? A fork. Yeah, these MFers are throwing away our forks and trying to make me the asshole. And then when there isn't a fork available because they're all dirty in the dishwasher, they want to ask me where the forks are. And I just flip the script. I don't know. You tell me. You tell me where the forks are, Roman.
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He was like, he looked at me and he goes, oh my God, are you back with this fork conspiracy Siri thing again, mom? And I'm like, yeah, it is a conspiracy. All of you against the forks and me.
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Yeah. And you know, when you think about these conservative commentators who try to belittle people that don't have children and make them feel bad and they're not worthy women and all this stuff. And I'll tell you what, I bet these childless cat ladies, I bet all of their forks are accounted for. There's no question. Ducks in a row, lined up, ready to just stick their hearts into things.
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Welcome to I've Had It. It's a podcast, DEI podcast, hosted by myself. I'm Jennifer. Do you remember your name this morning? Sorry.
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She's the star of our show. And, you know, I had decided since she turned 55 to loosen up a little bit on the ageist jokes and considering the face plant at the beginning of this podcast. That was bad. I don't – I really feel like at this point it's full-blown elder abuse.
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Yes. Okay. They told the waiter I was 60. Yeah. They thought that was hilarious. That's just a real knee slapper. Okay.
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I kind of did. I just thought, you know what? It's a J.D. Vance inspired thing. J.D. Vance, I think he wants to do like a smudgy, like freshly fucked eyeliner, but he can't. So he just puts it right up there, you know. But I really think, I really, really think at the end of the workday, J.D. Vance goes home and it's like a full face of makeup. I just think he's dying. Yeah.
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Very dark red lipstick. If the FBI wasn't like controlled by all of these great conspiracy theorists, maybe we could tweet them and have them go look. But I don't think anybody in this country is on our side anymore.
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And I just want to give a shout out. We have a lot of listeners in Canada.
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And y'all are super nice people. And I just want all of you to know that we hate Trump as much as you do. And we recognize your sovereignty. And I just want to say this for the permanent record. It's always going to be the Gulf of Mexico.
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All right. Welcome to America's favorite DEI podcast. We are DEI hires. Yeah. We only have one heterosexual man that works for us, but we almost think he could qualify as a lesbian because he threw his cat a birthday party over the weekend.
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Okay, here's what I want to say. What was that reviewer's name? Dawn. Dawn. Oh, interesting. Angela Dawn. Angela Dawn. Here's what I want to say about this. Do not belittle this woman's caca. She forgot at the beginning of this episode that she's supposed to clap. And we just have a few little tricks we roll out that she can do. You cannot take that caca away from her in Trump's America.
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You've got to learn to embrace it. Listen up, liberals and progressives and leftists. You've got to lock in on the caca. We're trying to muster up just a little bit of camaraderie and oneness with nature.
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I'm sorry, Pumps. Oh, God damn it. And that waitress was telling me how gorgeous I was and never said a word about you.
I've Had It
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Wow. I love it. love bringing them in yeah you gotta just fire them in this is this is a hotbed of facts that's right yeah that's right and talking okay i have a few uh news stories i would like to discuss that are not politically related um that again i want to talk about how a lot of times on this podcast we identify a hypothesis And it's like it goes out into the internet.
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And then these scientists are like, hmm, I'm going to research that. And then they prove our hypothesis. We didn't have to pay a cent.
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Let me read this one to you all. People who hate small talk have higher IQs than those who don't mind it, study says. A study from the University of Virginia found that people who dislike small talk tend to have higher IQs, stronger abstract reasoning skills, and a preference for deep, meaningful conversations.
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The study found that individuals with an IQ above 120 were 67% more likely to say they find small talk, quote, mentally exhausting compared to those with an average IQ.
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It's just the evidence is mounting and mounting and mounting. It's like, you know what? We're the DEI Mensa podcast with a side of dementia from the star of our show.
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able to rebound one more story before we introduce our guest and i always kind of thought this was true and so i'm glad to know that we the science again has us this says dogs can count the number of treats you give your dog may not be a mathematician but they definitely notice differences in quantity
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Yeah. Yeah. All right. Pumps, what have you had it with? If you remember the name of our podcast, it's I've had it. And this is the part, my love, where you tell us what's been bothering you this week.
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A study by Emory University found that dogs can perceive changes in the amount of food they receive. So if you've ever questioned whether your pup noticed their sibling getting an extra treat, chances are they did. And I have to say. So I have these two French Bulldogs, Tubby and Cha-Cha.
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Tebby is going to be 10 this year and he's kind of as older people, he was kind of thinning a little bit and, and cha-cha is just, she could stand to lose a few. Okay. So I always try to feed him a little more than I do her when I'm sharing like my meal, if I have like a chicken breast or something.
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And she looks at me and with this look and I'm like, she knows, she knows that his bite was bigger because she looks at me like, are you serious, bitch? Yeah.