Magdalena Hoeller

You might think now, well, it's the one who speaks the language better, right?

That can be one aspect, but it's not quite that simple.

There's many more layers and facets to it.

You are correct, though.

One aspect is language proficiency.

Now, even though my English skills are really good and high, my husband is a native speaker.

He will always be more proficient in English than I am.

And that puts him at an advantage in a lot of situations.

He's the one who manages all of our contracts.

He's the one who explains vocabulary to me during movies when I don't understand.

All of this isn't a big deal, of course, but in some ways, it flows into the dynamic of our relationship because I am linguistically dependent on him.

And that is something we never notice on a daily basis.

It's extremely apparent, though, when we have an argument.

We're having all these heated discussions in English, my second language, his first language.

After a day of processing life and work and emotions and conversations in English, it takes me double the energy to find the right words in these heated moments.

His responses are immediate, but I would very often just like to say, thank you for your response.

I will get back to you in three to five business days.

So you see, the partner with the higher language proficiency does have the upper hand here.

But like I said, there's other factors too.

There's also the global status of the language in use amongst partners.