Lucy Dacus

loving father friend and son printed backwards on my shoulder blade from leaning back on a plaque on a bench i carry david's name until it fades why does it feel significant why do i

Agent of chaos One of three

It's just fun.

No idea. I mean, after it's over, I have opinions, but like...

I'm just like per song what needs to happen or even like per line what needs to happen to make it hit because the the lyrics can't be like secondary to anything it's kind of my rule like the lyrics have to be king at all moments okay so lyrics over melody for you well I write the lyrics in the melody at the same time okay but then when it comes to any production it's gotta like

keep attention on the meaning. Sometimes we'll do very cool stuff and I'm like, it's too distracting. We, you lose the plot basically. And we can't do that extremely cool thing.

Yeah, I was worried on the last song. That might be my favorite one. And it is so different from Night Shift, but it does end in this like kind of payoff. I was like, oh, I wonder if people think like I just... Only do that. No. But I think you've earned it by the end of the record. But yeah, that one is very special to me.

Oh my God. I'm like, I feel like it's pretty cut and dry. Like night shift is about, let me remember the song. Like, basically being out of a relationship with somebody that was cheating on you and then trying to see other people and it doesn't feel good.

You see them again because they want to, like, be forgiven and ultimately, like, just about getting past it and being like, I am not going to feel as bad as I do right now eventually. Yeah.

And, um, I'll have new people that I'm in love with and yeah.

You can't anticipate anything. And it's also been like a slow burn. I mean, people always liked it, but I feel like it kind of like reaches new audiences and like making the music video for it five years after it came out was a choice. So much fun and fun. Yeah, I love playing that one. It shows still. Some songs feel old to me, and that one just feels like it's still relevant.

Thanks.

I love to hear it. I always forget, like, obviously people are having their own special little interactions. But I'm not there. Right. So I'm like, that doesn't exist.

It is sweet. You got to, like, hope for the best that it'll reach the people that it does. That's the thing is, like, people that aren't into it will skip it, and the people who are into it will let it into their life. And that's just how it is.

What's your favorite album?

It's the shows, though, that really matter to me. all the compliments and like accolades are like, I can see through them and like discredit them. Like anyone being like, I love your record. I'm like, you have to say that because I'm in front of you.

Um, but knowing lyrics and like, you can't fake it. You have to have spent time learning the songs.

That's real. Before I'm a forever goes.

Thank you for the brain space.

It can be hard sometimes. I would say it's usually fun just because I love my band. And then there are days where you have full breakdown and you have to weep in a corner of a green room and put a pillow over your face and just let it happen. But that kind of happens... I don't know about you, but that just happens whether you're on tour. Yeah.

You just have to like scream into the void and think that life sucks. And then you remember life is awesome. And that's just that's just the way that it is.

But I isn't about avoiding crying. I do think some people think it is. They imagine just like just avoiding fear of emotionality.

And yeah. But I hope I hope you do get to cry soon.

Well, I'm sure that that was necessary at the time.

Okay, yeah.

It's, yeah.

Yeah. It always brings out the throw up in me.

It happened just one glass of wine recently. I just like don't drink that much. If I ever do, it's like an Amara. Anybody had Amara?

amara's nice sounds classy yeah so like every couple months i'll have an amara but i'm no i'm no party girl um at least in that way right and i have had i think 2023 was probably the most i ever drank in a transitional time well i just feel like 2023 was also like uh you put out the boy genius record and the grammys and then everything was happening all at once Life was changing.

And there are nights. It's just really scary. I'm scared of, like, losing my memory. And the nights that I've been, like, I don't remember what happened feel like little tiny death, you know?

Oh, my God.

Like I'm mad right now.

I've had that before. I have dreams that people are mad at me and I'm still a little like, like I had a dream, um, that one of my band members basically was like,

all of us actually hate you and you're, like, so bad at this and the music sucks and, like, everyone's afraid to say it because you're paying people to be here and, like, you pay everyone really well so, like, nobody can be honest with you and, like, it's just this hope, like, fear, just fear. And then the next day, luckily, I told him about it and he, like, will still apologize for it.

He didn't even do it, but he's like, I'm so sorry that your brain did that and I don't think those things.

Yeah, I do.

It's so much fun. I've missed them. Even through Boy Genius, I've missed them. We live all over the country. One of us lives in Ireland. New band member, Phoenix, lives in Manchester. Ooh.

Oh, she's so great. And she's Greek. So she has a British accent to me, but she has a Greek accent to my British friends.

I just, I don't have the discerning ear.

I don't actually know that either.

You're going to do one? Please.

I mean, I have one, but I don't scroll on it to be frank. Okay.

Most of my friends in Manchester are dolls that DJ and I want to go like dance. I want to go to the club and dance with my dolls in Manchester.

essentially and but i was so moved by it and then i remember looking around and everyone was like oh i hate it here oh yeah that's sad i'm always heartened by people who are feeling things obviously yeah like yes that is how it is that is how it is yeah yeah

I like on Forever is a Feeling, the title track, there's a bunch of lyrics that I really like, which actually was a song that at the... Towards the end of recording, I was like, I have all these bits and bobs that never got made into full songs, and I just kind of stitched them together. So it's a lot of my darlings in one thing. Oh, that's awesome. But I like the bridge of that song a lot.

It's like, I'm not going to say all of the lyrics. But there's, I will say a lyric from Lost Time, like the last song, which kind of sums up the whole record, which is like nothing lasts forever, but let's see how far we get. So when it comes my turn to lose you, I'll have made the most of it. But you can't cry, so.

Thanks. Yeah. That's just how I feel. Like, just make the most of the connection that you have and like... Sayonara if it stops.

I definitely hold on to it more now. I just think as you get older, temporality is so obvious. And when you're young, it is harder to actually learn. And I like as a kid had people close to me die. And I know a lot of people in their straight up 30s that have never experienced grief.

like what like which is like kind of cool because i'm like you're gonna get around to it for sure yeah but i think having a little bit early on in life just like has made me super aware of that always impending uh state of being right um and so the flip side of grief is gratitude right like i'm very grateful for what i have

because I know it will be gone, either from straight-up death or just choice. Things will change.

I feel like I've always written, and not usually about grief, though. I remember when I was really young, there's a really sweet home video of, like, I held a concert for my family after my grandpa died. And I played guitar. And I was like, I wrote this song for grandpa. And I, without Fred, like, holding any of the strings down, like, just open strings, I went, boom, boom, boom, ding, ding, ding.

for like minutes like the exact same like plucking the six strings in a particular order and all the adults are like thank you like that's so sweet like and wanting it to be over um so i maybe yeah i guess i have had like a connection to like music is kind of like

acknowledging uh things that matter right um whether that's celebration or grief or whatever whatever whatever is that manchester yeah it is manchester whatever whatever yeah do you remember like the first song you ever wrote

I have always, like, written little bits and bobs, and there are older songs than this, but the first song I ever wrote that I, like, recorded on GarageBand and, like, showed to friends is called Purple Breeze. And it's like, purple breeze, take me away. Like, I have no reasons to stay. I'm willing to leave today.

We're going to overcome these meds here and now. It's just very juvenile and sweet. And you got to start somewhere.

One of the bits was forever is a feeling. Oh, okay. Just, I had that written in a note. Like that's just something I think. Um, and so it went into the song and then it became the title.

I'm so nervous because like I, I really put so much of myself into it and you can't control how people react. And so, yeah, I'm really nervous. I just hope to the people that I just have to think about the people that might get something from it and think that that is important for some reason.

I'm a little nervous about big deal, but I'm, I'm also very excited. That's like the first song that I sing on.

That's the thing is I'm like, why did we not make that a single? I might talk, we may put it out next week or something.

Like I kind of feel like why, like that is one of the ones that I like the most, but then it's the first song. So I'm like, people are going to have to hear it anyways. Um, but it is, uh, thank you for liking it. Um, but you know, there's some, you know, for those paying attention, you know, super fit. I put some just personal details in there that they'll catch on. Um, yes.

And then what, what I'm really excited about, I mean, it could just be the same answer. Um, And then, yeah, the title track is kind of interesting. It's, like, a little bit weird. It's, like, not really one genre. A lot of different things happen. Maybe it's a little more poppy than I usually go for.

Cool.

Ankles.

Last Time.

That's so sweet. It's true. Very heartening.

Yeah, there's not that many. There's features.

That's a true duet. Fully a duet.

Yeah, it's like old school.

Some songs we write totally separately and then just like harmonize on or hand like you take this verse or whatever. Other songs, someone will bring a bit and then we'll all work on it. Julian's more often the one that will be like, I need to go away for a couple hours and we'll come back with something. Whereas I'm like, well, it could be this or this or this or this or this.

And Phoebe will kind of like Rolodex through them and be like, this one's the closest. Give me more options.

And I'll be like this or this or this. um but there's not like one way that it happens and yeah um for me that's more like working on assignment than my music which I don't have like any method other than like do it when it's happening right yeah do you how did boy genius come together Um, Phoebe opened for Julian. I opened for Julian on the same tour.

She struck up friendships with both of us and talked us up to each other. And then Phoebe and I met and then we all wanted to hang out. They had a tour. uh, that they were going to go on that they like wanted help selling tickets, which is so funny now to think about. And so they like had me open and then we were like, well, let's do a song together for this tour we're going to do.

And then it was six songs in a band and that was 2018. And it just like was a way bigger thing than we thought it would be. And then,

uh then we went off to do our own things we're like we'll probably get back together and then covid happened and um yeah it just took like years and years to actually get back to it right do you have a favorite song off that album of my own i really like true blue and we're in love we're in love i feel really good about of i love anti-curse um uh I love Letter to an Old Poet.

Everybody really brought such good stuff. Emily, I'm Sorry is such a good song.

Cool About It's good, too.

That's the thing about when, like, when Phoebe brings stuff, I'm like, you done it again. It's like, yeah, I'm often, like, blown over by the shit she has to say.

Let me think of a good one.

Do you need to pee? A little. You should go. Pause. This is your show. Come on.

It really has to be.

Okay, yeah. I'm actually going to check the note on my phone.

Thank you very much.

thanks it's amazing thank you how long has it been in the works for i guess i started writing songs in 2022 and then recording i recorded while we were touring as boy genius and then thanks me too um yeah it's been like i guess kind of a long time coming they sent it to me i was listening to it i was like i feel like this is a love album You felt correctly.

I'm getting there now. I mean, I've always loved. And I remember, so basically, yes, but I feel like people are more like they know everything, whereas everything I do know delights me, but I don't know everything. Got it. And the music videos are the best ones.

They're the best. She is the one doing it. She is. And some of them, yeah, anyways. The first time I saw Lady, I've been asking people, do you remember the first time you saw Lady Gaga? And the first time I saw it, she was a guest star on Just Dance, or Dancing with the Stars.

So it was like when Just Dance came out, it was promo for the song Just Dance. And it was just on my TV suddenly with my parents like in our house. And I was like, you know, a single digit age. Right. And my mom was like, what is this? This is terrible. I don't even I can't even tell what she looks like. I like what is this? What I get? What are the words? It's turn it off. Like just terrible.

And I'm just sitting there like eating it up, like seeing for the first time, basically. Which I feel like a lot of people I know have similar, it's so, do you remember when you first saw Lady Gaga?

No, yeah, you got to find it on your own time and have that moment.

Of all time ever... I guess I should just say no because so many just came to mind. Well, what came to mind? And also, like, most listened to is maybe not favorite. Though my most listened to record is probably I Need to Start a Garden by Hayley Hendrix. Okay. Who's a friend and a sweetheart. And I listen to it on planes, like, every plane ride.

And I fly, like, too much because some tours, like, you have to fly in between every freaking date. Okay. And so I have listened to that so much. And she's an unsung hero, I think. Or some people are singing, but more people should be singing. She's a hero. She's like a folk icon to me.

Just one of the most beautiful voices ever.

My life leading to the song or him being on it?

yeah sweet people i'm excited i'm trying to think of like other albums that i'm like front to fucking back like this is my shit this is like a lame answer but there's a nina simone compilation album like compilation feels like a cop-out but there's this it's like her love songs um that i listen to like all the time just all of the time she's amazing labby c for the singer and the song is i think one of the best records of all time sorry who

Labi Sifra. He's still alive, but his career was mostly in the 70s. Check my work on this too, but I think he's a black gay man and was writing...

songs about women because the label that he was on wanted that and they were like don't write songs about men and he was like this is killing me inside right and i think he got dropped but he started writing about the men that he loves and the way he writes about love is so like profound and simple and like his voice is so just clear and like of nature i don't know yeah and um like you were meant to do this yes yeah

I read a very sad article about how he and his longtime partner, they both started seeing another person for many years, which is really good. They were all in love. I love hearing stories like that. Both of them passed in a short amount of time. He said in the article, the rest of my life is grief.

Yeah. I actually, yeah, I wrote it about basically when you get to the end of a relationship and you're like, everything's great about you. It's just not happening anymore. Like, and I thought it'd be great if two people shared that sentiment instead of one person being like, and bye.

oh god and i think that rings in my head so much but also it's clear that he has loved so much it's weird to talk about someone i don't know i guess that's what like this this is like me like that's what you do in culture but i i uh see him so much as a a person that has just gone through a lot um but also seems to me like a great lover

I'm trying to think if there's something like per your taste that you just revealed, if there's something like you have to listen to this. Please, I would love it. I don't know if you'd like Jenny Haval. Do you know Jenny Haval? I know the name. She's like, I think Norwegian or Swedish. Sorry.

But it's like very, do you know Mitski? I do know Mitski. Mitski is the best. Love her, love her. And one of her favorite artists is Jenny Haval. And she's very like thinky and it's like electronic and it's weird. Yeah. And like some of the songs are like experimental songs.

Yeah. Yeah. Really beautiful voice.

yeah i love when things line up like that you know what i mean yes yeah i do kind of think the way we listen to music is different now we it's so like mood oriented uh-huh you know because you can listen to anything at any time so you're like here's my scenario so i'll match it with music i would never even thought about it which because you can now yes i remember calling into like the disney radio disney me too radio disney absolutely um what did you call in do you remember

It's like more powerful if both people can be like, I appreciate everything we were able to give each other and we're walking away. And Hosier is just the best. His voice is so good. His songwriting is so good. I feel like he's under he's like selling out huge shows. And yet I find he's underrated.

Amazing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I remember calling in to hear Ashley Tisdale. He said, she said on Disney Channel, Radio Disney.

You're so much deeper than me. I, I, if you played it, I'd be like, cool, cool. I'd be like knowing, but the title, you know, the title.

Yes. I'm making a choice between two things that I'm a therapist about. Okay. This one's not that fun. It's what I'm actually a therapist about right now. Renewable energy is a hoax. Tell me more. I'm so, well, okay. I'm really, I've known like shades of this through time. Okay. And not all the, like, don't get mad at me and also prove me wrong.

But what I am reading is like, first of all, if you are doing, if you have like an electric car.

But electricity is still on coal. Yeah. If the grid is still on coal, you are just adding a step and buying a car that is then necessitating lithium mining, which is terrible. Making a battery is really bad for the environment. Solar panels only last 25 years, also have a bunch of mining, and they are going to be trash soon. What are we going to do with all these solar panels?

And also the battery space for the energy that's made is like more batteries that we're having to mine. Hydroelectric is really bad for environments and like building dams. Basically, like it can really disrupt natural habitats. Yeah.

Wind turbines, you know, other than just killing wildlife, they shake the ground, which can make it not usable for animal farming or agriculture, like growing things, and can give severe health problems to the people nearby. Okay. Yeah. I don't know. You're maybe getting the point. I'm reading this book that is making me know these things.

So I'm very pissed because it felt like, and like being like recycling is the thing. And then recycling often is fake. Like I still do it. It's like sending a prayer, you know, it's just like, uh, you know, give it to God, give my plastic to this box, like blue box. Yeah. And just hope for the best. And, um,

But I basically think that all these, like, solutions that people are trying to come up with are to legitimize the amount of use when actually, like, the problem is, like, the use of these things is terrible. The internet itself also, like, the amount of servers that are used for search engines, all of your unopened email, like, I have, like, 10,000 emails or something.

Like, all of the storage is also needing, like... I don't know. I'm, I'm just legitimately pissed about all of this. And I'm like, as you should be, I, you know, in my head, I'm just like, there will be a point in my life where I am like growing my own food and stuff. And I'm like, why am I not doing that right now? And it's because I don't have the land.

That's the other thing is being like, Oh, it's just as easy as that. People can't buy land. Right. The intersections of capitalism, making it impossible for people to eat healthy, live healthy, be okay. And yeah, Yeah, so I feel a little bit pissed about that.

it would be amazing. It was like, and here's the answer. Everyone that like, no, I'm so glad you finally asked me. Cause I've been like waiting for somebody to ask. And I've been sitting on this for a long time. Um, yeah, I think again, like the recycling thing, it's a prayer. It's the best that people have told. It's okay. We're not scientists.

I can't catch up and go to 10 years of college and grad school and be like, your study is wrong, you know? Um, but yeah, Yeah, just realizing that a lot of science is bought by the military. And the studies that are chosen... These oil companies, they buy scientists because these people go to school and then they need a job. And the people that have big money are the military and oil companies.

And so the studies are like, it's fine. They're biased because they create the studies in order to get results that they want. Science is important in general, but like... You can't have faith in every study because who funded it and why.

We own JSTOR. Check it out. Who funded this study? JSTOR.

Yeah. I got to get back on my JSTOR tip. I saw someone with a JSTOR hat and I was like. That's a lot. I liked it. It's a lot, but I guess I like a lot. Cause what's, what else? A little. I guess you're kind of right.

And it was everything. It was everything.

A lot is closer to everything and not much is closer to nothing. Yes.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. I'm, I'm sorry about that. Yeah. But they've been, they've been separated for five years. I'm just like, there's so many other details. Was it a bad separation? Is there one parent that you're like, no, don't let this happen again. The other one, do you like them?

You know, like it is totally their business. I'm a big believer in walking in on, like, sex should be for the people that decided to be there. Uh-huh. Like, see, like, observed. I don't like observing sex that I wasn't invited to. Okay, period. And I don't like that for that person.

If it comes around, then you'll know.

I hope they can get over it.

Again, there's so many factors.

I'm like, will that work?

Which is like gross, but... Wait, so it's the brother's best friend that is drunk and mean to the brother of the brother?

Sister.

I made assumptions. I made gay assumptions.

Yeah, I mean... they should talk when he's not drunk and also like just physical boundaries of like, if you know that's happening, it depends on how young you are. Like childhood's so hard cause you have to be in your house, but also like, uh, depending on if you can go to a friend's house, like just get out of that situation. Right.

We did not. I wrote it. So I sang the whole thing myself.

Um, unless you kind of want to check and see if they have a crush.

They said that they've already tried to set boundaries against it.

I have seen episodes, but I am not in the way people are.

Sent it to him. He liked it. And then he basically just sang on top of mine and then added all these beautiful harmonies. And he was just in Ireland, you know.

Right.

Even the step before that I would go. Cause sometimes what I've learned is sometimes I think I set boundaries and one, the person doesn't respect them or I didn't do a very good job.

So I'll have to be like, Hey, when I was like, I need some time. What I actually meant was I don't want to see you for like this amount of time.

So maybe be like, hey, don't come to me with any problems regarding our friend. And I really encourage you to do this yourself. Right. Because ultimately, if just put it out there that like if you come to me again, I will bring it to her, which is not what you want.

So I'm just going to be clear that that is the path.

Cool.

Great.

I'm going to get a degree when I get out of here.

From post-university.

Um, the person that wrote this, if there has to be somebody in the wrong, they're the one in the wrong. Tell me more. I think when you say situationship, I'm like, that sounds like you're not willing to admit that you have different ideas of expectations. Okay. Being like, oh, it's such if you're waiting for somebody to change, you are not accepting what they have to offer.

yeah far away so yeah i wish we had done it in person we were trying for that and then it didn't work out i'm sure you guys will perform it in person oh i hope so there's no plans right now but there's of course a heart and intention towards that of course yeah are you planning on touring the album

Like that to me sounds like this person is like being like, oh, I'm afraid of being intimate. Maybe if they want to get with other people, then they can. If it hurts you, you can like what do you mean you can't get out of it? Yeah. Does that mean you're choosing to do it? Right. That's just maybe how it is like.

Being like, you need to have this real relationship is like maybe one of the reasons it's not happening is that they don't want it and they're not willing to say it because they like you and they want connection with you, but they don't want it on your terms. But they are afraid you're going to drop them because of, you know, and who knows? I'm like maybe projecting a lot.

But I think like one of the big things

recent lessons of the past years of my life is just like getting super for real about what people have to offer and when it's less than what i want still accepting it and being like that's a gift unless it feels bad and being like i have to make other choices right and ultimately there might be someone obsessed with you right that you're missing out on yes so i don't know all the details but per this exercise that's what i have to say well i

I think the person writing it needs to have self-respect.

I mean, I'm like that definitely is about something not romantic. Right? Like, that's like, okay, how do, like, help me is, like, you have to love yourself so you can agree with whoever loves you. As RuPaul said, in other words. But, um... Yeah. I don't know why I'm talking like I know. I feel like my tone is like, I know what to say. No, it's really wise.

Yeah, that just sounds very sad and like just fear. But that's one specifically I'm like, okay, are you shutting down because you're afraid that you won't live up to their expectations? Are you shutting down because you're afraid that one day you'll lose them? You will.

yeah i'm so excited i'm so excited too actually it's like we're doing press and having little songs come out and people aren't hearing it and it's all digital and the shows are actually the thing right of course like that's like the reason to live right for me do you have like a favorite show you've ever performed Boy Genius at Gunnersbury Park in London. We had like fireworks and Moona opened.

Uh, are you shutting down because you have body image issues and that's something that you want to address? Are you shutting down because of like, you've told yourself that you're going to shut down and it's just this obsessive thing. Uh huh. Like it's an intrusive thought that you aren't up for this.

Um, there's so many different angles of that and I would recommend, um, therapist, therapist, therapist, therapist.

And speed date therapist. Not all therapists are the same.

You should take like five sessions at a time.

And then if you're finding a new therapist, take like, don't be like, I'll try one for a year. Right. Have like actual sessions with a bunch or an amount that you can pay for or that are available and be like, actually, this one is the best.

My thing with ghosting, did you just give yourself a paper cut? Yeah. Do you, let me see.

The thing about ghosting is that person revealed something about them that makes them unfit to be your partner. I'm just like, if you're getting ghosted by somebody, you now know that they're avoidant, that they can't, they're not brave. Like maybe everything was going great and you've just now learned what should be enough information to tell you that they're not it.

Usually that's, I think, what my advice would be.

I've ghosted people. That's the thing. Ghosting is not a... all the time, bad thing. Cause there's actually people that tried to communicate like, no, or I just, I just don't trust them ultimately. So I don't, who knows about the situation? I'm not saying that the person's not trustworthy, but like ghosting is sometimes the last resort. Like you have to do it.

And of course the person's going to be mad, but they also, maybe you're ghosting them because they were not listening to you. Right. And it was over. You've already had the conversation so many times.

Do you have a song about ghosting? I have a song where I say I'm a ghost. That works. Yeah. It's called The Shell. All right.

Oh, my God.

You have talked about it and there's no agreement. You should maybe find another roommate.

That's really nice.

Yeah. Because that's hard if you love each other and you really like living together and that's the one thing. I like your idea better.

I sleep no matter what.

It's kind of amazing.

It's better for you health wise.

Yeah. So maybe that's another thing is that the person who's sleeping cold should make a PowerPoint and convince the other person.

Also, like, wear, get a better blanket. There's other things, you know.

Sleeps terribly no matter what.

Yeah.

That's the combo.

You know what? I've had this energy in my life.

I got to make out with everybody in Moona except Naomi who declined kissing anyone. So proper. Yeah.

What do you do with people like this? Okay, go ahead.

Oh, my God. This one's actually nightmarish to me.

It's like when they're cooking, they're not factoring him in. Or is it like when you go grocery shopping, I get that stuff. I think what's the money aspect?

That is really wild. Like take care of yourself. Oh my God. You don't like, I'm so anyone that's like, you're mean for not feeding me. Are you four years old?

It sounds like, you know, you have an out and you have eight months of unpleasantness. And if you want to have a whole talk about like meal planning or him contributing money for stuff or like whatever, whatever, do it. And if not, just like indoor.

Okay.

Wow.

I learned that the last time you cried, it was in LA at the Macaroni Republic. Yeah, Macaroni Republic. Macaroni Republic, yes. I learned, I love this. Oh, that's Patrick. Patrick. This is Cassandra. Cassandra? Yeah. That's crazy.

it yeah it was so awesome that was just like a dream like do you ever have moments where you're like this is my like flash forward 15 years from childhood yeah like I'm a kid just being like daydream right and then you're like I'm actually doing that I feel like I have that feeling sometimes but I try not to feel it because when I feel it well it brings me such gratitude in the moment it also brings me

Wow. I got a tiny one of these for my brother who loves octopuses.

I should talk to him. He loves them. I gave him an IOU for a tattoo. He wants a whole octopus tattoo piece. Yeah, I love. And I've had a great time. Everyone told me it'd be nice. Oh, that's such a good wrap. They were right. Did you have fun? Yeah, absolutely. I had a great time.

In your life? Yes. That's delightful.

Yeah, likewise.

Or else.

Yeah, that's true.

Bye, pussies. Bye, pussies.

I would say often. And then I hope for you some moments that are like, this is as good as I thought it would be.

uh that was like that was yeah that was my real i made it moment yeah what was your like i made it moment what's interesting is i never um wanted any of this so i never like dreamed about it that much that's like a weird thing to say i want it now i love it but I was in school for photography and film and then just working in Richmond at a photo lab and kind of just enjoying my life.

My rent was $190. I was skating. It was okay. Right. I was so present and I'm like, I had goals generally to like live a life I could be proud of.

But wasn't working towards like, and I'm going to achieve this. Like I had like short term goals of like in three months I want to have finished a music video to show my friends or like, um, just like more personally oriented goals. And then this just kind of like started to pay my bills and I was like, okay, I'll get on this. And I'm still riding.

So I guess your original question is like, when did you feel like you made it? I don't even know what it is. Right. While I'm making it. Yeah. Which is kind of fun because that means it could change and I won't be disappointed. Hopefully. It's a really good outlook.

Yeah, kind of for myself and then to participate in like my hometown's music scene. Like my friends made music and I was just like, cool, that's what we do.

I mean, not all because like things happen. And also I was just talking to my friend like I don't like really get to be the person that I want to be while I do music because I'm so disparate, which means I get to like have a lot of cool relationships that all stay a little more shallow.

I don't know, like, I don't know how much you travel. Like, you just travel so much that, like, you can connect with people deeply just if two people are willing.

But kind of, like, the community-oriented, like, staying really in touch with... What people are doing and what you can be doing for them and like, kind of like passive time instead of active time. Yeah. It's harder to come by when you're moving around so much. So I'm wondering if there'll be a part of life where I'm a lot more still.

You're like, what's next?

Yeah. Yeah. It's good to romanticize your own life, I think.

I feel like every piece of furniture I get in my house is like my new family member. And I'm like, I miss my bookcase.

I miss my coffee table. And I miss my record shelf. And I can go missing easily. I do not have problems missing things. I'm missing everything all the time.

May 2nd.

Yeah.

We're sisters.

My mom's a Taurus.

Yeah.

Okay.

May 19th.

But yeah, I love Scorpios. I mean, y'all really keep the world mysterious and gorgeous, so...

I'm Gemini moon. Okay.

You need to see all sides of things. Yeah.

Yeah.

Get back in your shell.

I was in school. It was a VCU arts, very good art school. And I was studying photo film and I just didn't, they like took away my scholarship randomly. I was like, and then when I went, I think it was a hoax, honestly, conspiracy theory. They gave me like a really nice scholarship that made me choose to go there and then took it away and wouldn't schedule a meeting with me to talk about it.

Gave me no reason. And then it was like, I think it's kind of a hoax.

I think it basically like, it seemed like the people were trained to not.

Respond. And I was like, cool, I'm leaving. Like, I don't want to be in debt.

Please. Like, I don't got the money for this. Yeah. Yeah. And then got, yeah, a photo job. And I know so, I used to know so much, like all these cameras, I would know. And it's just like, out of my brain. Sometimes it comes back, but.

I got back into taking, like, film photos, which is really nice. And I was the guy at the party, like, taking photos of everyone and, like, doing the big upload on Facebook. Be like, tag yourself. You know, whatever. And... That was nice because it gave me something to do with my hands and a purpose in a social space. But also it makes moments fake in a way.

It was like, oh, I'm capturing the moment instead of living it. And that got kind of annoying. But I'm finding a good groove now with my little tiny camera.

Really? Really not as fun. But I don't know. It's just like part of the job. So you have to like figure out the best case scenario in each situation. I have had fun doing shoots. I mean, my thing is like as long as people are kind, you can kind of get through whatever. Yeah.

Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. And we were being so stupid.

I have the power to be stupid if I want in my life. But I think just like the music is so sincere that it would be weird if I was stupid all the time.

yeah there's songs i have to take breaks from yeah um or even like live in a set i'll like turn the band and be like really skip you know there's a song called thumbs that's kind of hard that's about wanting to kill my friend's dad um there's a song please stay about trying to convince my friend to live um Those are definitely some of the bigger ones. I wonder if there are any on this record.

There's some love songs and I could see if I was like fighting with my partner. I'd be like, not today. Or it would be a great reminder that I actually love them.

I like limerence, which is already out.

Thanks.

It means being in love with the idea of somebody or like wanting their affection. Basically like being obsessed with getting the love from someone.

Yeah, it's not about actual love. Limerence is kind of like a category of romantic obsession, I suppose. I gotta go hit the dictionary again, but yeah.