Liz Splat
Appearances
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
Guys, this year makes 10 years that I've been a cancer survivor. I had cancer when I was 19, which is tough, because you're too young to really understand what's going on, and then you're too old to meet John Cena. You know, because at 19, you're like, make a wish. More like, make me squirt, John. What the fuck? Hey, John, my pussy's bald, too. You know. John Cena and squirting.
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
John Cena and squirting. Thank you. It's tricky to make a cancer joke, you know? Cancer's a really tricky topic. One time this comic told me that it's important to talk about the tricky topics. He said that he learned that because he used to talk a lot about how he used to fuck a lot of prostitutes. And I was like, I don't know if we're talking about the same thing.
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
But once I thought about it, it made sense because probably the only thing more traumatic than childhood cancer is being a prostitute a comedian can afford. Am I right? All right, thank you. Thank you guys so much! What a dream! Liz Splat, everybody! Tony! How fun, Liz! How fun! How's it going? It's going, I mean, how's it going? It's going, dreams are coming true right now. What the fuck?
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
Yeah, I basically ate that cancer up. Let me put it like that. Put it in a bowl, put some whipped cream on that cancer, got right into it. That's what I did. Hell yeah. What kind of cancer was it? I had Hodgkin's lymphoma. It's a blood cancer. You know what I'm saying?