Lino Rodriguez

All right, guys. Lately, I've been trying to be a good boy. Because I've been a nasty boy. I've been a nasty boy. I'm trying to be sober. I'm trying to smoke cigarettes and drink coffee and the occasional cocaine and prostitute. I call it New York sober. New York sober. Yeah. No, I'm just joshing, guys. I fucking hate coffee. You know, cigarettes are cool.

I'd rather die early than be bored for seven minutes, you know? Everyone thinks they look cool when they smoke a cigarette. I think you have to look cool before the cigarette ever enters the equation. Yeah, some people look like James Bond, 007. But when I smoke a cigarette, I look like I belong outside of a Waffle House. They call me double eggs over easy. I don't know, guys.

Lately, I've been listening to house music in my studio apartment because I'm optimistic, you know? That's the same reason why I listen to Yacht Rock on my canoe. Anybody else?

I'm like Mitch Hedberg just on the inside, you know? Yeah, Mitch Breitberg.

How much do you think you weigh, Lino? I'm like 170, 180. No, you're not! Wait, wait, wait. Time out. What? How much do you actually think you weigh? Like 200.

Lino. I'm listening. I'm listening, sir. Lino.

265!

I've been eating my vegetables. I don't know. I'm sorry. I know you haven't. I thought I looked good.

Have you gotten a small joke book before? I have gotten that before, yes.

There he goes. There goes Lino. Yeah, you're done.