Lawrence Schlossman

Lauren's going to take the Ziploc bag home with her.

Lauren's going to take the Ziploc bag home with her.

What color marker?

What color marker?

I think there's like, we have a 1% women listenership, so.

I think there's like, we have a 1% women listenership, so.

I'm not like a fan.

I'm not like a fan.

So this is galaxy gas for your great aunt, which you probably prescribed already.

So this is galaxy gas for your great aunt, which you probably prescribed already.

It is.

It is.

So they're both inquisitive fragrances, but one is romance-driven?

So they're both inquisitive fragrances, but one is romance-driven?

I wonder what the price then, the damage on this for getting so little, seemingly.

I wonder what the price then, the damage on this for getting so little, seemingly.

Best bottle, though, yeah.

Best bottle, though, yeah.

Describe the bottle, please.

Describe the bottle, please.

All right. Well, this is definitely a Walmart thing. So I'm going to go 15.

All right. Well, this is definitely a Walmart thing. So I'm going to go 15.

Because Britney Spears has to deal with Walmart, right?

Because Britney Spears has to deal with Walmart, right?

Yeah, dude.

Yeah, dude.

Number four.

Number four.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Yo, dude. You are waiting online to get in the club. This is us.

Yo, dude. You are waiting online to get in the club. This is us.

He still owns NFTs.

He still owns NFTs.

This is a rough one.

This is a rough one.

I might have to tap out. That's really, really heinous. That's not good.

I might have to tap out. That's really, really heinous. That's not good.

It's just too much.

It's just too much.

Yes. Yes, CR7, dude. Yes.

Yes. Yes, CR7, dude. Yes.

You're missing the operative word, origins.

You're missing the operative word, origins.

I mean, you would think that he would just go shirtless, right? But he's wearing a shirt completely unbuttoned with the kind of come hither look that an absolute moron is going to snatch right off the shelf. This is... Look at that expression.

I mean, you would think that he would just go shirtless, right? But he's wearing a shirt completely unbuttoned with the kind of come hither look that an absolute moron is going to snatch right off the shelf. This is... Look at that expression.

Bay leaf?

Bay leaf?

What is this, a soup? Send this perfumier to the Hague, dude. This is terrible.

What is this, a soup? Send this perfumier to the Hague, dude. This is terrible.

$68.

$68.

We have a breach.

We have a breach.

See, how do you get it off our fingers?

See, how do you get it off our fingers?

It lingers.

It lingers.

It is like in your spice cabinet or rack where all the spices have been and they all kind of Voltron to be, you know? It's like every, all spices.

It is like in your spice cabinet or rack where all the spices have been and they all kind of Voltron to be, you know? It's like every, all spices.

It settles in tenderly.

It settles in tenderly.

Yeah, maybe some type of performative accessory, you know? A new hat.

Yeah, maybe some type of performative accessory, you know? A new hat.

This is the new hat. Ordering a drink that you never order because you're like, this kind of feels right tonight.

This is the new hat. Ordering a drink that you never order because you're like, this kind of feels right tonight.

Yeah, just being normal.

Yeah, just being normal.

Very good. Let's find out.

Very good. Let's find out.

It's Robert Downey Jr. as Sherlock Holmes in the Guy Ritchie movies.

It's Robert Downey Jr. as Sherlock Holmes in the Guy Ritchie movies.

David Beckham!

David Beckham!

No, David Beckham nailed it.

No, David Beckham nailed it.

Instinct.

Instinct.

Rewind the tape.

Rewind the tape.

And it is a posh smelling.

And it is a posh smelling.

This is like his version of Tom Ford cologne branding. Almost like exactly.

This is like his version of Tom Ford cologne branding. Almost like exactly.

I think we're missing the biggest thing. The juxtaposition between David Beckham and Cristiano Ronaldo just comes down to having taste or no taste. This is a tasteful guy. It's a tasteful fragrance. Cristiano Ronaldo, no taste, f***ing gasoline.

I think we're missing the biggest thing. The juxtaposition between David Beckham and Cristiano Ronaldo just comes down to having taste or no taste. This is a tasteful guy. It's a tasteful fragrance. Cristiano Ronaldo, no taste, f***ing gasoline.

That's a deal. That's a deal.

That's a deal. That's a deal.

That's legit.

That's legit.

Oh, without it. There's not even close to it.

Oh, without it. There's not even close to it.

Wetter than Beck's got you?

Wetter than Beck's got you?

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is dirty.

This is dirty.

This is a little filthy.

This is a little filthy.

Smells like shoulder pads.

Smells like shoulder pads.

How light-skinned is Chris Brown?

How light-skinned is Chris Brown?

Damn. You got your cologne at the hat store?

Damn. You got your cologne at the hat store?

To learn how to make hats?

To learn how to make hats?

Yeah, so we'll have to go to the tape.

Yeah, so we'll have to go to the tape.

Dr. Jill.

Dr. Jill.

Imagine you found out that's how she died, though, right now. I'm like, wait, what? That would be hilarious, right? Sorry.

Imagine you found out that's how she died, though, right now. I'm like, wait, what? That would be hilarious, right? Sorry.

Really nice.

Really nice.

Is this the romance version?

Is this the romance version?

These diabolical monsters?

These diabolical monsters?

All right, this is for sure a perfume.

All right, this is for sure a perfume.

Yeah, you can't just be polite.

Yeah, you can't just be polite.

I mean, they're still correct, probably. This is nice.

I mean, they're still correct, probably. This is nice.

I like it. I like it a lot.

I like it. I like it a lot.

$17.99.

$17.99.

$26.23.

$26.23.

This is aspirational for a certain type of J-Lo head for sure.

This is aspirational for a certain type of J-Lo head for sure.

Feed my kids tonight or f***ing smell like J-Lo?

Feed my kids tonight or f***ing smell like J-Lo?

This literally smells like the standard hotel in Miami. Pablo and I were talking about this earlier. This just smells like their lobby scent, which is definitely something way more expensive and better than whatever this is. Soapy to me.

This literally smells like the standard hotel in Miami. Pablo and I were talking about this earlier. This just smells like their lobby scent, which is definitely something way more expensive and better than whatever this is. Soapy to me.

Soapy. In a bad way?

Soapy. In a bad way?

Are you getting perfume or cologne?

Are you getting perfume or cologne?

Yeah, right? I'm a fan. And if this is cheap enough, straight to cart. Let's open up the bag. I'm really curious about this one. Wow! Why does Will Levis have a fragrance?

Yeah, right? I'm a fan. And if this is cheap enough, straight to cart. Let's open up the bag. I'm really curious about this one. Wow! Why does Will Levis have a fragrance?

And why is it so good?

And why is it so good?

Yo, they killed it.

Yo, they killed it.

He's in the commercials, right?

He's in the commercials, right?

This is incredible. Can you buy this? Or do you get it when you order a jar of helmet?

This is incredible. Can you buy this? Or do you get it when you order a jar of helmet?

It smells more like mayonnaise up close. And now that I know that.

It smells more like mayonnaise up close. And now that I know that.

What the fuck? Daring? Daring? Creamy and daring?

What the fuck? Daring? Daring? Creamy and daring?

Wait, really? And that's why they signed him?

Wait, really? And that's why they signed him?

The vanilla was there. No. That's the hotel lobby.

The vanilla was there. No. That's the hotel lobby.

They put their whole into that.

They put their whole into that.

This smells generic to me. Like a platonic ideal of perfume.

This smells generic to me. Like a platonic ideal of perfume.

This is what you, yeah, you smell.

This is what you, yeah, you smell.

Dude, the mayo is better than this. I don't care what comes out of the bag. The mayo is better than this.

Dude, the mayo is better than this. I don't care what comes out of the bag. The mayo is better than this.

What?

What?

Is this going in the gift bag for the ladies? Driven away from my home.

Is this going in the gift bag for the ladies? Driven away from my home.

I mean, he was clutch.

I mean, he was clutch.

If you are a Yankee fan from Staten Island and you buy the Driven cologne and you put that on.

If you are a Yankee fan from Staten Island and you buy the Driven cologne and you put that on.

You're going to be disappointed. It's not hitting for power.

You're going to be disappointed. It's not hitting for power.

Jeez. That's not good.

Jeez. That's not good.

Like Jeets.

Like Jeets.

Oh, jeez. That'll get you.

Oh, jeez. That'll get you.

This is pink. This is bubblegum. This is Bath and Body Works. This is Jessica Simpson written all over it. Something like that. It's one of those for sure.

This is pink. This is bubblegum. This is Bath and Body Works. This is Jessica Simpson written all over it. Something like that. It's one of those for sure.

This is a Bratz doll. This is no one over the age of 14.

This is a Bratz doll. This is no one over the age of 14.

Just nailed it.

Just nailed it.

And I like T-Swiss, but yeah, this is preying on the parents of young girls who don't have the money to spend.

And I like T-Swiss, but yeah, this is preying on the parents of young girls who don't have the money to spend.

Also, no, is this the real... Is this the real bottle?

Also, no, is this the real... Is this the real bottle?

Cool portmanteau.

Cool portmanteau.

It tracks, but... I thought it would, this is, that smelled too low end.

It tracks, but... I thought it would, this is, that smelled too low end.

Yeah.

Yeah.

$17.99.

$17.99.

Wonderstruck!

Wonderstruck!

That's crazy town.

That's crazy town.

Did they deliver it to your house on a private jet? That's bad.

Did they deliver it to your house on a private jet? That's bad.

And with the least appeal. That is only for little girls.

And with the least appeal. That is only for little girls.

Yeah, I'm getting Vietnam vet for sure. Man. Maybe it'll settle a bit.

Yeah, I'm getting Vietnam vet for sure. Man. Maybe it'll settle a bit.

Let it be known, there is some funk in here. Is this going to be like John Madden or like some old, like Terry Bradshaw?

Let it be known, there is some funk in here. Is this going to be like John Madden or like some old, like Terry Bradshaw?

You know, something like an old guy. I can see this being Terry Bradshaw.

You know, something like an old guy. I can see this being Terry Bradshaw.

Almost medicinal. Yeah, this is a guy rolls into your one-horse town. He's got a briefcase full of whatever you need. And this is one of those. Yeah. A polio. Here you go, dog. But it doesn't smell cheap. No, no, no, no. But like home-brewed.

Almost medicinal. Yeah, this is a guy rolls into your one-horse town. He's got a briefcase full of whatever you need. And this is one of those. Yeah. A polio. Here you go, dog. But it doesn't smell cheap. No, no, no, no. But like home-brewed.

Check.

Check.

He's got stories. And his own bottle of whiskey.

He's got stories. And his own bottle of whiskey.

Oh, wow. We're going to cut that.

Oh, wow. We're going to cut that.

We got got.

We got got.

That's perfect, though.

That's perfect, though.

I hate how perfect... Made in France?

I hate how perfect... Made in France?

We got the cig on the side. This is 2024. This must have been... I thought he was a cig, like a cigarette.

We got the cig on the side. This is 2024. This must have been... I thought he was a cig, like a cigarette.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Lawrence, what do you think this costs? Well, based on that reaction.

Lawrence, what do you think this costs? Well, based on that reaction.

So this is $100.

So this is $100.

Whoa.

Whoa.

I can't believe it doesn't smell worse.

I can't believe it doesn't smell worse.

I'm still shook.

I'm still shook.

I found out that I'm updating my hall pass with my wife to David Beckham.

I found out that I'm updating my hall pass with my wife to David Beckham.

No. I also found out that I want to try mayonnaise in my coffee. The Will Levis, whatever's happening there, it's pressing all the right buttons for your boy. I don't know. I'm not going to start rooting for the Titans.

No. I also found out that I want to try mayonnaise in my coffee. The Will Levis, whatever's happening there, it's pressing all the right buttons for your boy. I don't know. I'm not going to start rooting for the Titans.

I mean, he's figured something out.

I mean, he's figured something out.

God damn it. Nose don't lie. Trump got one. God damn it.

God damn it. Nose don't lie. Trump got one. God damn it.

Okay. That is a fact.

Okay. That is a fact.

Hugs with men?

Hugs with men?

Honestly, kind of. A little bit.

Honestly, kind of. A little bit.

Dead dad.

Dead dad.

No, but we were talking about like male relatives. I said it required love and affection.

No, but we were talking about like male relatives. I said it required love and affection.

Murdered father.

Murdered father.

There's a debossed basketball in the f***ing glass.

There's a debossed basketball in the f***ing glass.

This might pair well with, like, cigar smoke and beer pong.

This might pair well with, like, cigar smoke and beer pong.

I got some of that bright up top, though. I can see that. The citrus. I know no one said that, but I kind of, you know.

I got some of that bright up top, though. I can see that. The citrus. I know no one said that, but I kind of, you know.

Nothing I say is right anyway.

Nothing I say is right anyway.

No.

No.

I don't know a shit about cologne. Well, I know about Jeremy Fragrance.

I don't know a shit about cologne. Well, I know about Jeremy Fragrance.

Honestly, though, once you know it's a $20 cologne, it smells like shit.

Honestly, though, once you know it's a $20 cologne, it smells like shit.

And we confirm that this is an old wives tale, right?

And we confirm that this is an old wives tale, right?

I'm a men's lifestyle expert.

I'm a men's lifestyle expert.

Definitely sweeter. Katie's right. Yeah.

Definitely sweeter. Katie's right. Yeah.

Maybe. This is striking me as much more feminine. Yes. Than MJ's musk. Right, right, right. You wear this to your quinceanera. That's what I'm getting, 100%. This is a sweet treat.

Maybe. This is striking me as much more feminine. Yes. Than MJ's musk. Right, right, right. You wear this to your quinceanera. That's what I'm getting, 100%. This is a sweet treat.

Like a Jessica Simpson? Walmart?

Like a Jessica Simpson? Walmart?

Sweet. I said sweet.

Sweet. I said sweet.

It's a perfume. This is feminine. This is distinctly feminine, whereas I felt the first was distinctly masculine. I agree. All right, so I think we're all on the same page there. This is a perfume.

It's a perfume. This is feminine. This is distinctly feminine, whereas I felt the first was distinctly masculine. I agree. All right, so I think we're all on the same page there. This is a perfume.

Why is there no branding?

Why is there no branding?

Did this drop when he was on the Pelicans? What is happening here? Right.

Did this drop when he was on the Pelicans? What is happening here? Right.

I have a podcast that talks about that kind of stuff.

I have a podcast that talks about that kind of stuff.

It doesn't sit right.

It doesn't sit right.

Okay, what did you guys pay? You guys paid $15.37. Probably $70. We paid $28.99. Okay. Wow. And you got fleeced.

Okay, what did you guys pay? You guys paid $15.37. Probably $70. We paid $28.99. Okay. Wow. And you got fleeced.