Larry Wilmore
Appearances
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
No, you had to show up. And there's ways of showing up that I could have done better. But I just, I was exhausted and overwhelmed at the time too. But for other reasons, you know. But I missed one of my biggest regrets. Because of the magic you were doing at the Magic Castle.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
But one of my biggest regrets about those years is I wish I just had more respect for how hard the things she was going through really was. Yeah. Like how tough it really was on her psyche. And I tried my best to be supportive and everything, but it was just deeper than that. And she's a great person and all that stuff. And we worked on our marriage for a long time.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
But even when you work on it, you can intellectually work on something, but some things... they just work against you, some of those dynamics, you know.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Would a nanny have helped? We had help, absolutely. But it was still a lot. We had a nanny. She also cooked and everything. We had grandparents nearby. But I think it was more of what it did for her identity. And she was very dedicated too. So it's not like she could just hand the kids off. She spent a lot of quality time with the kids. And she worked too.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
She did voiceover work and that kind of stuff. So that's not quite the solution. What it is is that sometimes people just need to feel that you're with them in a different way that you're not quite doing.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
I thought we were each doing our parts, but she required something different than I required. I didn't require approving of anything.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Well, I know these things now. Our communication is really good. There's some areas where, of course, in any relationship. She's very private, so I have to be mindful of the things I say right now. She doesn't like her business out in the street, but she's great. She's very sensitive. I'm not going to compare the two. Everybody's different.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
But I think I'm just in a better place right now to be open to something that you don't know that comes up and then you deal with that. Not defensive. Yeah, even if you're defensive at first, to get over it and then move on. Not to hold on to that. Because it's okay. Look, there's nothing wrong with those feelings at first. You just have to move past them. If you hold on to it, that's the problem.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Right. I think it's that arm of the people that just like to call names and react online and that type of thing. When you meet people in person, it's different. I've always considered myself, the term I use was passionate centrist. And I always said half the time I disagree with myself. It's the way that I put it. Because I always said...
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Because we all have triggers that are not going to go away. You have to be in a good relationship with it.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
No, I'm improving, but it's like a guy who's... What's your biggest relationship issue that alienates you?
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Right. And men and women, they both have time machines when they start relationships. But women's time machine relationship is they want to take you forward through time. So they move that lever, you know, and say, oh, maybe we'll have kids. Yeah. Guys, when they have a time machine, they want to they break the time machine because they want time to stand still.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
I'll help you with yours, though. Are you gonna get married? It's not that meaningful?
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Because marriage to you doesn't represent... But I'm totally committed.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
But what if it's fake security to you, but real security to someone else?
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Then you would have to pay something called L. Right, but I would have a prenup. Right.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
I have an opinion, but if the facts trump my opinion, then I have to drop my opinion and go with the facts. That's pretty much my philosophy. So I don't have an ideology.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Oh, yeah. Yeah, okay. 12 years, altar boy. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we did the same thing.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
So I grew up Catholic. I was an altar boy just like you. I had a very firm in my mind understanding that not only did a God exist, but kind of an idea that he existed within the framework of the religion that I was inside of. Old man. Whatever those are. Clouds. And even Catholicism, it's kind of convoluted. There's three of them. It's the worst story ever told.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
I think, you know, you start with a set of beliefs and sometimes the world confirms that and sometimes it tells you something that you did not know that can either expand your beliefs.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Yeah, and the fact that modern Christianity is really built on cannibalism. I mean, every week it's like the body of Christ is going into your mouth. Yes, incredibly bizarre, yes. And it's not, by the way, it's not symbolic of his body. No. It's not symbolism.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
There is no metaphor. The idea is you are actually eating the actual body of Christ. So it really is, it's not even a joke. It actually is cannibalism.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
No, I would call it agnostic for a while. I was kind of searching. I went to a Protestant church for a while. When I was doing stand-up, I had a manager. She was very...
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Christian you know where they want to you know sign people up type of stuff so I went to her church for a while really nice people and stuff it wasn't quite for me and so I stopped going and then my when I met my wife she was very Catholic she's got a very Catholic family and so I started going again I thought you know you know once we had kids I thought well it's good for me to go because it's good to give the kids something and then they can make up their own minds you know do you still believe that
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Well, then good luck choosing where they get their moral framework.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Good luck having the right parents. Okay, fair enough, yeah. Right. But you don't have to necessarily count on the right parents if there's a framework that enough people agree on. Right. Yeah. And you may have to get lucky with that. Who knows? It may be a horrible religion that gives you a bad framework. I don't know.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
But I think at the right time, they can make up their own mind about things just like I did because I'm not going to pressure them with it or that sort of thing. But when they're young, they can grow up in it. So I went to church faithfully during all that time. And then once they, you know, they were older and stuff, you know, it stopped going so much. And then something happened to me.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
This was the moment that happened, because I'll never forget it, you know, where I remember having discussions with people about it and arguing back and forth and all that kind of stuff and still feeling that I was kind of agnostic. And I had Neil deGrasse Tyson on my podcast, and I was asking him questions about everything. And I'm kind of a contrarian sometimes.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
No, this was back in 2016. That's not, I mean, yeah. No, 2018. Yeah, fairly recently. And I asked him that question about, I said, what is life? Like, what happens when you die? Because I've always been obsessed with death a little bit, too. And he broke it down in such a granular, molecular way that it just fucked with me. You know, and I was like, fuck, you know, you're right.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
I don't know if there's something that changed my mind, but there are things that have expanded the things that I thought of, like marriage and children, you know. marriage gave me a completely different idea of how companionship, of even what companionship is. I really- What did you think it was and what did you- I had no idea. I was so, it's the thing in my life I was the most clueless about.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
I mean, that's that's really what happens. That is you are absolutely right. That's what I think. Keep saying that. But I remember it fucking with me for days. And I'll just never forget that feeling. And and then I just started thinking of God differently.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Well, he just explained life on a very molecular level. Like matter just deteriorates and turns into this and then molecules do this. He just said it very coldly of what actually happens. And you're trained to think spiritually and that type of stuff. And then the soul, all that stuff. And then when I thought of it like that, I was like, wow.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
You know, I had to it just really hit me in a way where it's not like that was a new information. I think it just hit me at that time in a way that I wasn't counting on. And it made you believe in God more. No. I wouldn't say I became an atheist, but I kind of... Your agnosticism got stronger. Yes, that's what I would say. I always said I'll take Pascal's wager and that sort of thing.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Because even if you're an atheist, you're believing in something. You're sure about something. In that case, you're sure about the non-existence. So I'm more agnostic. I don't know. Shows up, good on you, you know? But right now, probably not going to happen.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Oh, so very recent. Yeah. So why do you equate that feeling? Why does that equal to a God thing as opposed to just a hyper sense?
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Well, that's a religious thing. Does it make you feel more spiritual?
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Everything else I've studied, you know, I've worked at and that. That I was not prepared for by any means. Did you date a lot? Not really. I kind of did stand-up dating when I was a stand-up.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
And it doesn't translate to a religion or to, there's no personification of it.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
So part of what I can, I remember reading the book Sapiens, which is another big influence on some of my thinking on this. One of the things that, What's real fascinating about that book was the idea of what a myth is.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Yes, I was just going to say that. The fact that we're all agreeing to something and the power of that. And it's why you can have groups and larger groups with myths. But when I was thinking about religion and what I felt is one of the true reasons for having a God, let's say, because religion goes back so far. In fact, one of the first things was the sun.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
People just worship the sun just because it created life, which they're not wrong. It's true.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
But when when outside of pure idolatry of something that's doing something and you're thinking it, which is one type of of religious activity, which I think is the first type.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
The advancement of that was that is that I am not just a corporal being that I have a place after this. Right. That's an advancement in religion. The Egyptians are the most famous for that first, which is why they built them up. You know, all that stuff. Right.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Yes, exactly, exactly. Now to me, so I feel that that primarily has been invented because humans are one of the, I'll say rare animals, because I don't know if other animals can do this, but we can actually reflect. We can do more than think. We can actually reflect. We haven't seen that other animals can do that. Maybe dolphins can. It looks like dogs can, right?
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
But we don't just act by instinct. We actually have a lot of time on our hands. Our brains have developed to that part. And one of the most dire reflections is death. So animals act out of instinct because they're trying to avoid death. Their body knows how dire death is, and they try to avoid it at all costs by eating, by killing, by all these things.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
But we can actually ruminate on the darkness of what death really is and how much despair. There's so much despair in the idea of not being here at all. Yeah, not existing, yeah. That you almost have to create a way out of that. Yeah, you'd be a fool not to. Why would you not? Exactly. So that makes complete sense to me that an afterlife would be created to deal with the despair of thinking –
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Don't ask me how I know. You use your comedy power until it wears off.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
not only are you not going to be here, you've only been here since you came out of that womb. Like there's a short amount of time when you are a conscious being and you're just gone. You're just wiped out.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Yeah, and I'm not the spiritual cop, nor do I have spiritual envy. Like, I don't have food envy. Like, somebody's eating something, I could care less, eat what you want. You know, but some people are like, you're gonna eat that? You eat meat or this? Why you gotta be a cop? Who the fuck gave you permission?
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
I am, I'm actually vice president now at Magic Castle. I perform there and that kind of stuff.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
So it doesn't threaten me if somebody believes in something, nor do I feel like I have to convince somebody of something. For me, it's just kind of an observation that I have. But I still leave room open to be wrong, like I do with everything, you know? Yeah. But I find it fascinating that, and now, so I have a different relationship with the afterlife than I had before, I guess is the short term.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
I felt there was a good possibility. Like I felt if anything could explain the phenomena of ghosts, you know.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Which some of that is like, you know, is ridiculous, but yeah. There's some things that might have some meaning to it. Maybe, you know, seeing something or something maybe.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
I've had different things that are unexplainable. I can't remember if there have been any visionary things, but I've had unexplainable events for sure.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
um but um so that's what i say i have room for those types of things or whatever you know they're even the whole idea of the um communion of consciousness i guess you could say or whatever you know where there's a certain consciousness it's not just culture which has been passed down but kind of a consciousness which has been passed down i mean there's a theory where you know people feel they can
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
It's how I dated a girl back in the day when I was, my early days of stand-up. She was, this really hot girl, she was working in the ticket booth, right? At a comedy? This is Newport Beach Laugh Stop. That's kind of where I actually started, I'll say my second start, because I had a stop and start in stand-up. What years? This is like 84, maybe? Mm-hmm.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
The Renaissance had all those great painters at that same time in that part of the world, you know, and music and all that kind of stuff. So it happens in science, it happens in art. I've always called that clustering, you know, where there's a shared kind of... A consciousness that happens like if the Wright brothers had not have been in flight. I mean, in France, they were doing the same thing.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
There were a couple of guys in France doing the same thing. So it would have happened around the same time.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Maybe something more of a spirit or like energy thing that you're talking about, you know, because there are a lot of physical laws that we are not aware of yet.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Yeah, so let's say if we think about our thoughts really are a collection of electrical impulses that are in a vehicle that has ability to store those electrical impulses and allows us to continue talking and remember things and all that kind of stuff too. Well, if they are electrical,
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
we know that you know we've seen the way impulses can travel through the air and be connected to things because we've seen that we've been into radio we've invented telegram you know all that kind of stuff so maybe there is a way that things are connected in ways that we can't see that are on i don't know different physical level that we don't know like i insist that everything's connected just because everything has molecules in it and atoms right
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
So when you think about it, I'm really touching you right now because everything's connected.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
I don't believe that right now. But I've heard arguments for that and I have no problem with that argument. I feel that what science does for us is a way to understand the universe and understand how systems work. But for me, I don't think it's deciphering God. If something was gonna decipher God, I think that would be the role of religion.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Or people make God their butler, you know what I'm saying? Jesus take the wheel, just like you take the wheel.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
I think science is the opposite, to be honest with you. But some people disagree with that. Yeah.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
that i had started a little earlier but it was one of those things funny i was listening to talk with carly i had the exact same thing happen to me i went up at the comedy store this is like 79 maybe you know did open mic night and um i didn't have any stand-up you know but i did like talent shows in school and that kind of stuff you know
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
But saying nature is God is making a different statement than having God as a separate entity than nature. Because you either believe God invented nature, which means God is not nature. God actually created nature. But if you say nature is God, you don't really need God because you already have nature.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
But you don't need God if you already have nature, if it's one thing. If there's no distinction, why do you need God for? You already have nature. I didn't make the distinction. You say, it's hot in here. I think you'd see me. Well, pick your lane here. Which one?
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
I have a set of values that I live by that guide my life more so than what I believe in is true out in the universe.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
You can make fun of the Ten Commandments, but there's a lot of good things in the Ten Commandments. Yeah, exactly. Like eight of them are something. And both of those are true. Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely material for jokes. Absolutely.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Co-creator of the PJs, creator of the Bernie Mac show. Co-creator of Insecure. Great. Helped launch Black-ish. Co-creator of Grown-ish. Wrote and produced the first three seasons of The Office. Senior black correspondent on The Daily Show. Worked on many TV shows, all that kind of stuff.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Well, I don't know if faith-based or the actual belief in that being, you know, isn't necessary for me, you know. Yeah. Right.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
No, because those are rules that are religious-based, you know. Now, if your only reasoning for doing that is to please God, then that's the connection that you have. And so once you get rid of that, you say, well, I don't have to please God anymore. If that's how you're viewing it, then fine. But if you have a framework for living that is a solid framework, well, why would I abandon that?
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Well, also, the way that Catholicism was always different for me from Protestantism is I always felt like Protestantism, you were going to get something from God. It's that same type of thing. Sitting in the pews, I hope the preacher has a good message for me today. But Catholicism is all about service. It's so service-oriented, and that's one of the things I've always liked about it.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
In fact, a lot of the activities of the church around the world are based in service. Have you ever... Like you're taking the attention off of yourself.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
And I had, I did impressions, you know, and a few jokes are in there, but I had memorized like this rich little thing, not knowing that I couldn't memorize somebody else's thing. Right. And so, but I had a lot of confidence and I went up and I, and I killed, you do three minutes as amateur night. Yeah. You know, did great.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
I wouldn't say in service of others, but it's part of that period I was talking about where I had forsook myself for so long in terms of what my real emotional needs were and expression and all that stuff. And the learning of that was a huge, big deal for me. So it wasn't explicit as doing it in that way. Did you find that... But I've never done it in a practical way like that where, you know...
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
And they said, oh, we'd like you to come back and do it for the, I'm like, yeah, this is great. You know, I come back the next week. First of all, I was sick as a dog. Right. I mean, just had this flu and everything. And you were like, probably won't matter. Exactly. But. Neil, it couldn't have been more. It was the opposite in every single way. Sick was just one of it.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
You've got procrastination and messiness. They're definitely related.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Well, I think people like me who I'm not big, messy, but it can start to get bad. And, you know, then I'll, you know, correct or whatever. But I'm usually attracted to someone that's the opposite, you know, you know. And so that's a problem, you know. And so that can push you being the wrong person again. Exactly. That's exactly right.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Because their cleaning up is not wrong, but mine being messy is.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
My ex-wife was the extreme of this, and I remember this is how bad she was. And so I'm not exaggerating. There was a newspaper on our coffee table, and she said, the living room's a mess. I'm like, the living room's a mess? Like, the newspaper's on the coffee table. That's it. I said, what are you afraid of? And I don't know if she said this or I'm making it up.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
She said this, that people are going to come by and see that. I'm like... People are going to come by and see that people live here is what they're going to think. But there was the judgment attached to it that you're going to be exposed for being messy to the world.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
But I mean, it was the death of deaths. I have a daily show story about this too, but where people, you know, where people don't want to look at you. They don't want to get close to that death. That's what it's like.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
And here's the flip side of it, though. Because my parents are more extreme, my father is a bit of a hoarder. I'm afraid of, I don't want that to happen to me. And my mother, she's not as bad as my dad, but I see their behavior sometimes as sadness personified or like unhappiness personified, the mess, mess here, mess there. And so that thing makes me not like that.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
I would rather not be messy. I'm not that all the way, but I'm messy for a while and then I'll clean. Clean is not the right word because it's not like it's dirty, but it's like I'll put things in the right place or have someone to help me do that. But I don't mind my office being a mess because as you say- You know where it is. It doesn't hurt my feelings. That's the other thing.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
We don't really see it that way because it doesn't affect us emotionally.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Whatever just happened, they don't want it. It spooked me from doing it for a few years because I thought, I can't do this. This is too hard.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
It's like George Carlin's joke, your shit is stuff and their stuff is shit.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Well, I was doing George Carlin. Well, he did a little black stuff. Your stuff is shit, and this shit is stuff. I'm a jazz guy. Have you noticed that their stuff is shit, and your shit is stuff?
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Procrastination is in my career, though, like with writing, mainly writing. Because like most writers I know, people say, Larry, why do you write? And I say, because I have a deadline. Otherwise, why would I do that? Because it's always painful. It's never not painful. I always feel any writer worth their salt thinks it's going to be horrible. When I meet young writers, they go, I'm great.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
And I go, OK. You know? I'm like, all right. The writers I respect never utter those words, which makes them try to be better all the time. My writing is only good because someone bought it or because other people said so. It's never because I think it's the best. I may feel more fondly about it later, but sometimes it's years later.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
I'll look back and I'll go, oh, that was pretty good. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was. I never watched, when I did the Nightly Show, could not watch it. I thought I didn't like my voice. And then when it was off, I'd watch it and I'd go... That was actually pretty good. Yeah. I could appreciate it. Yeah. But I would judge it way too harshly.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
And I think some of that is at the root of procrastination because the first part of procrastination is I think it's not going to be any good. So that prevents me from starting, you know, or prevents me from getting far, let's say, you know.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
And then the good thing about a deadline, after a while, the fear of not finishing it overtakes the fear of it not being any good. So then I have to drop that fear.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Exactly. And then I'm able to finish something. So that's why deadlines are important to me, professional deadlines. I completely agree. Not personal deadlines. Personal deadlines, I'm too smart to make those work because I go – Nah, that's personal. You ain't got shit on me. I ain't got to finish that shit.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Not really, I had maybe one during that time, but she lived in Portland, I was in LA, and it was just crazy. How did you? There was no reason for me to be, for us to be together, it was just a mess. But I realized, when I look back now, Neil, I had no interpersonal tools for a relationship. Because my parents were not a good example. They divorced when I was young.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Yeah. And even then, I can be a little cagey with it depending on what it is. But it'll get done. Yeah. If I'm in production, everything gets done on time. Everything gets done on time because I'm responsible more than I'm fearful. Yeah. But when I'm free, like you say, development stuff like that, I could take forever to do things. It depends on what it is.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
No, of course not. I'm not going to give it up like that. All my power. And there's different types of deadlines. Like if something's going to go away, you know, if you don't turn it in. Or you have to shoot on a certain day. There's different types of deadlines.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Right. When I have those kind of deadlines, obviously you can't reschedule Monday. Monday's coming whether you like it or not. So I'm more responsible than I am fearful. So when I'm in the position where I have to get something done, like being a producer or writing a movie that's going to shoot, definitely I'm showing up getting it done.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
That's just the way his system works. Yes. Oh, that makes sense. And that's part of his genius is connecting in that way. Yes.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
My dad was very non-emotional, never showed my mom any emotion and stuff like that. My mom was over-emotional, that type of thing. Their relationship was very, it's just bizarre. And in fact, they divorced back then, but they're actually kind of still together now. In a sense. Yeah. That's how dysfunctional it is. Yeah, when my dad died. It becomes functional after a while.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
I'm very, this is an old term, but Rolodex, I don't know how to use it. Or, like, my brain works for, it's like, here's a thing. That's the right, those are the two right things that go with that. Like, all the information comes down on this side, and all the opposite information. I call it grid brain. Or the information that makes this funny together with that defines that now.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Like you and I are not intimidated when somebody says, we need you to write five pages of jokes. We're like, okay.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Right. Well, that's not the issue, right? But we know how to do that process. Like you say, read the paper and get some jokes out of this. Read the paper. That's even better. Yeah. I don't have to make something up. Uh-huh.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
That's interesting. How does Dave construct a joke? Like, does he start with that big reveal that he's working towards? No, I think that that's like the last thing.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
I think. I'm not an authority. Have you helped him understand it?
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
In fact, I always could do that better than I could write for myself. And then learning to write for myself took a whole different type of skill set. Yeah.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Well, I think for that, the empath thing, I kind of explained a little bit, but I actually have been an actual empath in some ways, which really kind of shocked me.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Because someone else's were more important, right? So that was the emotional component of it, which is fine. But then there was actual physicalization of that that shocked me. When my wife was pregnant, she was about to give birth. This was, we had about a month ago, right? And it was, she had a pregnancy during most of the summer and it was really tough those last few months.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Really hot, hottest time. You know, you got this big thing inside of you. We did all the Lamaze and all that stuff. But I remember she had some really, she developed some really bad lower back pain. It's very common, you know. It can be really debilitating. And I felt, of course I felt sorry for her and everything. But one day my back just started really hurting. I mean, really painful.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
And I don't mean just a little bit, like I could barely get up type of pain. And I'm like, what the fuck is going on? And I have to think, what did I do? I was trying to, I'm going through my mind thinking, well, and I could not get it. A couple of weeks, like two weeks go by. It did not let up. So now I'm really concerned.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
I was like, yeah, they've been divorced, but they're still together. Exactly. So not that I can blame everything on them, but yeah. So you, and then how did you, so you, your. I met girls through standup during those years. You know, that was the way that I met women.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
And I go to the doctor, you know, they couldn't find anything. They were saying stuff like, well, maybe it's pleurisy. I mean, they were saying stuff like that. I didn't even know what that was. I still don't really.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Don't look it up. Yeah, it feels like one of those 19th century elements, you know?
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Yeah, like the artful Dodger would get that. Something in it. Those kind of things. But I could not explain it. It was so painful. So my wife, when she gave birth, it was a little difficult. She had a long labor and ended up being a cesarean. Son came out and everything. And he was in ICU for a little bit, having a little trouble. But he did okay, you know.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
And I remember just sitting in the hospital because she had to stay there for a few days. And I'm going, hmm, hmm. Wait a second, that's weird. My back doesn't hurt anymore. I'm like, what the fuck? And it was so weird. And I instantly knew what was going on, instantly, that I was sharing that pain. My body shared that pain. I instantly knew it, Neal.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
It was the last time in that marriage that you've shared your pain with her, according to her. But it happened again with our next child. It wasn't as intense. And when it happened, I instantly knew what it was this time. And it only lasted for two weeks. It didn't last as long.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Well, hers wasn't as bad the second time. Okay. Was yours as bad? No. Okay. That's interesting. But I knew exactly what it was when it happened. Right on schedule.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
She had cesarean, came out, gone. And I thought, there is something going on here. And so that was physical empathy. Not just emotional, that was physical. I'm like, what the fuck is that? to have the physical manifestation of that is a whole different category. And I can have that sometimes.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
I realize when I, like sometimes there's movies and there's emotions and then I start feeling that or that type of thing. But then, but this is interesting. And I realized I was using a lot of things outside of me to have the things that maybe I wasn't, felt like I couldn't have permission for or whatever. Because I had emotions.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Sure. Is that what it is, do you think? It wasn't modeling. Because it seems like it's involuntary. It was experiencing, which is different. It hasn't happened in as intense a way. But little things have been that. But the other thing was, sometimes things would happen, the sociopath part of it, and I wouldn't feel anything. And I've always been concerned about this.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
It's not as bad as it used to be. No, seriously, no. This is why I'm a comedian.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
If somebody dropped dead, like in front of me, I'd start thinking other jokes. Sometimes I wouldn't be sad. I might be shocked. Bad things could happen, and it wouldn't hit me the way it would hit other people. And I would be concerned about that. I'm like, how come I'm not feeling this grief that people are feeling or whatever?
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
I had a different relationship with it. It took a couple of events, I think, to truly... feel that it's okay to experience those things because you have those emotions.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Yeah, because you actually, those emotions are there. They just didn't have permission to have an outlet. That's what I realized later.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
So when I met her, I was frustrated with dating and everything. I was getting to my late 20s, and I'm like, okay. In fact, I used to do a joke about it at the time. I still remember. I said, you know, I've been looking for the right person. Then I started thinking, maybe I'm not the right person. Maybe I'm the wrong person. Maybe I have to start looking for the wrong girl. It's like...
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
as grief or they they do you feel like you're going to experience it all eventually do you know what i mean i've had my this this is the past what i'm talking about it's not so much now sometimes that kind of thing can come up you know where everybody is feeling something that is really intense about something i'm not you know yeah do you eventually feel it kind of yeah are there things that you experience more than other people
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Yeah, that's probably true too, probably. It might not be. But I'm not an intense feelings person, so I don't get triggered a lot the way a lot of people get triggered by things. Some people get triggered so fast that they get angry and those things happen. Those lights don't come on fast for me.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
And I'm not a sociopath, not by any means, but I think what it really is, like culture. But could you be a moral sociopath? Sure, it's called a surgeon. I mean, that's what they are. Don't we need surgeons? No, surgeons are moral sociopaths. Yes. They have to be complete sociopaths to cut human beings open. Yes. And to think they all think they're great at it. And to not go home feeling fucked.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Oh, their heart's going to fail in a week. Oh, okay. I should probably tell them.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Yes, but we are observing life in what we do. We're antennas. Yeah. So many times, well, some artists, being an antenna affects them emotionally and they mow back. But we interpret is what we do most of the time. We get signals and we go, oh, blah, blah, blah. And so there's not necessarily has to be emotion with that. It could just be an observation.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
I'm kidding. Did Obama's last White House Correspondents. Did he? That was good.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
How did it go? It was like, so what do you do, lesbian? Yes. You know, something like that. Where are you from, prison? Yes. It was that type of thing. But I remember starting, I started doing jokes about being the wrong person and me, something wrong with me rather than the people. And I remember my roommate at the time, do you know Bobby Gaylord? Did you ever know Bobby? He's a standup.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
And a lot of people conflate criticism with love, and that is not a good conflation.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Well, my ex-wife went through that. That was a relationship with how she was brought up. And it's so clear when you're not in that context, but many people feel it's a very Asian cultural thing where especially the tiger mom to the young tiger girl. It's their love language, criticism. Especially to young girls. Criticism is the primary form of communication that for them is an act of love.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
But criticism can be very destructive to your soul, to your psyche, to so many things. Yeah.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
I think those things I think are more cultural and they're more about a time, you know, that's just, it wasn't just black people. That's how people were punished back in a certain time. You know, many cultures punished like that with a belt or that type of thing. I mean, Richard Pryor did the routine with the, I mean, everybody related to that, getting the switch from outside.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
You had to go get, you know, your own strap to beat your own ass, which is so true. Yeah. But because it's not in the culture now, so to me it's more of a... It's a justification. Parents just have permission to beat the shit out of you, really, honestly. They sure do. You didn't have to be their kid. That's exactly correct.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
But believe me, white kids had the shit beat out of them too. I know. In many different ways. I mean, my ex-roommate, I remember he's... Gaylord? Yeah, his father, he would punch those kids. I mean, do some real physical abuse.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
He, when we moved in together, he was going through a divorce and he was going to therapy a lot and he would come home. I would ask him about therapy, you know, and he would share his therapy session. So I was kind of getting therapy by proxy a little bit.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
I thought you would relate to that one. That one's hard to explain when you're in a relationship. It's really hard. I know.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Now, my ex-wife, ironically, she felt the same way I did on that. We never had a conflict with that. We could always go off to our own spaces and that type of thing. And that was awesome. That was great. But everyone else I've been with before and after are threatened by that.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
And so because I just need I just need time to be an antenna to, you know, I need input time. Like I want to know what's happening in the world. I want to think about things. Maybe I want to practice a couple of magic tricks. Maybe I want to read, you know, the paper. Maybe I want to do this and I want to do it alone. You know, I get the other key is I do want to do it alone.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Yeah, and if there's a lot of people in a room that I don't know, I will always go off somewhere. Like I'm not good about, hey, everybody, I don't know you. I'm this. I'm the opposite of that. When I did comedy clubs, I never related to those guys who stayed afterwards selling eyeballs. Oh, bless Vic Dunlap who did that. Mixing with the crowd.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
like i was learning all these things i think that applies to me thank you bob i'm gonna give you five dollars i had zero money for thank you bobby gaylord those types of things right no it was it was awesome and i actually learned a lot in the couple of years he was going to do it that's what podcasts are for now yeah yeah exactly no you're absolutely right you know and so i i really and it was funny i think the acting classes i was taking at the time too helped me turn inward and
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
I'd always be off with a couple of people just having a couple of beers. Because I already got the people already. I had that experience with a lot of people. That's what going on stage was for. But after stage was not for that. After stage is for something else.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
But I think some people like four, some people like six. There's no number. It's whether or not small talk is going to take place. That's what the issue is. It would be one-on-one and it would be the worst thing. I have to get out of here.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
You know, it could be 20, but it could be fantastic because there's some unbelievable conversations going on that doesn't require me to have to explain everything about me, you know. Yes.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Oh, man. So I don't like Christmas parties, things like that. I remember saying this to somebody at a party, and I think I pissed them off, like, fuck you, what are you doing? I said, I can't stand small talk. And I think they thought I was talking about them, and I wasn't. I was making a comment. But I realized, I said, you know what? I don't go to a lot of parties and stuff like that.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
And I realized, because I don't want to. I don't want to stand around and just not talk about stuff. I would much rather meet some friends at a club or a place where we could talk, have some drinks, shoot the shit, do whatever. Like the fun thing about comedy clips when I was doing standup was hanging out with the comics that I liked afterwards.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
We'd go somewhere and you know, do all that kind of stuff more so than being around a lot of people in the club type of thing, you know?
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
oh man my son was in heaven it's like now all the world was like yeah yeah oh it was amazing um and now it's i think it's more accepted than it was that was an interesting time i i really liked it there was some stuff i liked some stuff i wasn't crazy about there was yeah it was interesting it's funny because when you were asking me earlier about unpopular opinions and everything um
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
COVID really exposed a lot of bullshit generalizations that different sides had.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
It really did. It really exposed how much the left fucking hates a fucking... loves rules and loves bureaucracy. They fucking can't get enough of it. And it's like, stop it, motherfucker. I'm not going to put on a mask in my car. Go fuck yourself. I'm not going to put a mask to walk outside. Some of these things are so over the top.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
And now some of it is paying the price, like not being sensible about children and their effect with COVID. It was just sticking to the rules. the rules are for everybody, and you're an asshole if you don't go by them. It was so over the top. It was not thoughtful at all.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
The problem on the right is the personality type has become autocratic, and the problem on the left is the personality type is bureaucratic.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
My philosophy on it is the extreme left and extreme right. The extreme left always takes things too far. They can never take a guess for an answer. And the extreme right just makes shit up. They just make shit up.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Yeah, because I don't take it as seriously as I should. Have you had any scares? Not scares necessarily, but concerns.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
But I'm on more medication now than I thought I would be on. And it kind of happens instantly. You're on a statin probably? All that stuff. And it happens like this. People say, are you on a medication? And you're like, no, I'm not on anything.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
And then a year later, you go, you know, I'm gonna try a new doctor and go with this. And you're on five medications all of a sudden. It's like, what the fuck just happened? You're starting to buy those little pill boxes and everything. It's crazy, man. And they're not wrong, which is the other thing.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
One of the things, I wrote down something, empath on there, sociopath is one of it. One of the things I had realized during that time, it was very difficult for me to have my own emotions, you know, to be okay with them. My parents had split when I was a teenager and it was one of those things, this was an old saying that people used to say, you're the man of the house now.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
I do, but then there are blocks to that. Like, I'll do it for a time, and then stop, and then I'll do it for a time. Like, I need accountability there a lot, you know, in the way that I need a deadline for writing.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
I don't know, see, we're too smart as humans. We're able to figure out that that's what the deal is, so then we combat that. So you really have to use other tools in order to stick to things sometimes. I created this whole philosophy years ago, I call it creation, and it was trying to give a way to just help clear us up and free us up to do certain things.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
and to have different relationships with things. And I've used it sometimes and it is really helpful and I pass it on to people and that kind of stuff. But you need to have a way in which to have a proper relationship with something, unless you're lucky enough to have the type of relationship where you, it's almost like autistic, where that's the rule, I'm sticking to the rule.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
And some people can do that and it's not a problem. But the real thing is being able to stick to something when it's the last thing you wanna do. That's the challenge. Yeah. You know, and so what you have to learn to do is take desire out of the equation and realize that actually what you want has nothing to do with it.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
If you know me and know the type of person that I am, I'm naturally a very happy person. And my happiness comes from gratitude. So I operate out of gratitude more than anything else. I lost my brother a few years ago, Brother Mark.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
You know, that type of thing. And it's like, fuck, you know, that puts a lot of emotional pressure on you. And I think my emotions shut down then Because I had to take care of my mom who was going through a tough time. With the divorce or other stuff? Yeah, she's had emotional breakdowns, you know, things like that. It's just really tough on her.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
So funny. I miss him dearly, think about him all the time. I can only imagine, yeah. But the biggest tool to help me get through that was gratitude. Gratitude for being here, gratitude for all these things. Gratitude is the one saving grace that can help you in your life. Because I learned, I sold bookstore to Dora once when I was in college and really kind of changed me in a different way.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
It was an earlier change in my life. That set me on the course to be able to be a stand up, you know, to choose a career for something. And I remember I spent a week where we were all, it was kids from all over the country met in Tennessee for a week and you did this kind of training and then they'd send you to another part of the country and I ended up going to Rhode Island.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
But that week in Tennessee was a huge week in my life. It changed my life at that time. I'll never forget it. And in fact, I'm still, sometimes I'll be in, I'll say hi to my project manager from that time. Like I'll see him and say, hey, Larry, Tom McAuliffe, if you're listening, Tom.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
But there were sayings there that were those Zig Ziglar sayings and all that kind of stuff, which some of those are kind of trite, but some are very powerful.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Yeah. There's reasons why some of those, you know, exist, you know, and there are a couple that stuck with me. One was, you know, whether you think you can or whether you think you can't. You're absolutely right. Yeah. Yeah. The other one was more people spend, you know, people spend more time planning to vacation than do planning their lives, you know, that type of thing, you know.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
And it just helped me to put into perspective gratitude at that time and that type of thing. And I've always tried to live out of that. But so I don't need help to be happy. You know, I'm very lucky in that sense. You know, I have to fend off things that are going to affect the happiness, you know. As opposed to some people, it's the opposite. You know, they're in a world trying to find happiness.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Okay, so part of my philosophy is that you have to take emotions out of the equation and turn things into actions. Actions are more important than emotions. When you're not sure, people who are not sure what they want, look to what you're doing. What you're doing is what you want, actually. That's actually what you want. It's your actions.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
You know, there were six of us and I had two older sisters, but they were like into drugs and just into trouble. And I was like de facto the oldest. So I felt a lot of weight on my shoulders. So I always say I kind of ended my childhood maybe at 15 and just was more put my feelings down.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Good luck trying to want something else than what you're actually doing. It will always tell you if you're confused about what you want. Look at what you're doing. That will tell you.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Abuse is a big thing of that. I love you, baby, but I'm going to hit you.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Right. So if you operate out of that, actions can help you first. So practice gratitude in actions as opposed to trying to have a feeling of gratitude. So tell people thank you for something. Make sure you show people that you're grateful for something that they've done. Do surprise gratitude, that type of thing. So communicate with people about it. So do the action of gratitude first.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
So you're giving them a gift by saying that. When you're thanking somebody, that's giving them a gift. That's what that is. And because we're humans, those words have meaning for us, and so it affects us on an emotional level, right?
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
so but it's the action of doing it gratitude can operate in many different ways but you can't just say i'm grateful you know that's you can do that a certain point and you can have an understanding of that but it helps to to act act on gratitude first you know how what does what does gratitude look like you know how does you know how can i express it and that type of thing and then you can always remind yourself of it you know by platitudes and that sort of thing oh man
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
I'm so happy this thing happened. Or I'm glad it was this instead of that. I'm happy to have this. I have my health. All those things that old school people used to do all the time, it's really helpful. And if you start with that, then you have room for the negative stuff that's going to come. Because you're already starting in such a good place. But if you start neutral, it's hard.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Because the negative stuff is going to come. And you're not trying to convince yourself or anything. You're just saying the obvious about something. Of course. Of course you're happy for this and that sort of thing. So that's what I try to start with in my life. Sometimes it's not that explicit, but it's my point of view of things.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
I'm very lucky in that because I've never been an unhappy person. I've been troubled by things. And I've always felt happiness is a choice, something you can choose to do.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
yeah aside you know and i realized that in my 20s like i could not get angry and things like that you know and i couldn't i didn't have permission for a lot of my feelings and stuff you know that's interesting that even because men can have very little access to emotions except anger in my experience i didn't you didn't have that no you weren't even clear you didn't have clearance for anger no i didn't have permission for yeah yeah
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
I have nothing to complain about. I've had ups and downs like everybody else, but I'm very grateful for the life that I've had. The two best things that come out of my life are my kids. I love them very much and they love me.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
if that's all i had you know done yeah done you know somehow it worked out well for me yeah it's not the money success is not the thing that makes me happy that was something i wanted to do and i'm and i'm grateful for it you know but the happiness is the like the lessons that i've
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
and life that i've been able to share with the kids and my family and that kind of stuff that's the thing that drives my happiness more than anything else and and promotes it it's the connection oh thousand percent human connections with with people things that make me happy with and it's funny because i want to be alone sometimes but because i need space to you know for myself so then i can think of to tell people yes exactly plan lives is what i call them that's funny
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
For my own anger. I could be anger in someone else's behalf, maybe. Okay. But for my own, there's a distinction between them, which is interesting.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
I was too, but when I say empath, I was too understanding of what happened of that person. Because I was trained to understand somebody's in trouble, somebody's hurting. My thing doesn't count. What's happening over here? Is that what your mother modeled or she actually imparted that? No, no, no. I did this all on my own. She did not ask for that or model that. She's not to blame for that.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
This was me trying to help. When I look back at it now, I didn't know it at the time.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Well, the thing that is positive for me is if I view my life as a life of service, then that's helpful. Right. Because you can never fill that pot. You can always give something. Even when I give people advice on showbiz, I say, don't look at showbiz as something you can get something out of. Look at something you can put something into. Make a contribution to it.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Put something there that hasn't been there. And if you operate like that, it's more of a creative way to exist in the business rather than I'm not getting one out of it. It's a little more selfish way and it's very transactional and sometimes it works, but it can be very frustrating.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Would you be considered autistic, do you think? It's possible I could have been on the spectrum. My son has Asperger's. I think my dad is on the spectrum. I really do.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Well, my dad's never been diagnosed. He would never admit it. But I think it's possible that he is. My son was diagnosed, and he is. I would be a very high-functioning. Sure.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Yeah. So I don't have, there were some of the social things I might have, but I also, I played a lot of sports. I was involved in theater. So I did socialize. I wasn't a self-player type of thing, even though I did do a lot of that too. But it wasn't until, so it was a combination of acting classes, therapy by proxy, that I started having permission to have my own emotions.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
The acting class actually helped a lot because you had to, You had to emote and that kind of stuff too. Yeah, and you kind of go, I remember taking acting classes. And you're like, oh, I don't think I've ever felt this myself. But like, interesting, okay. Right, to really tap into how you really feel about something and that kind of stuff. So I really grew as a person during that.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
And it was after that I was able to attract the woman who became my wife.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
so i think i had to go through that i think you have to be the right person to attract the right person yeah going back to my stand-up idea you know you i think you're going to attract the version of yourself that's going to push all the buttons and if you're in the frail button pushing mode you know that's not going to be good because you're going to pick that person the version of yourself that's going to push their buttons
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
No, you will always pick the person who's good at pushing your buttons. You're always going to do that. But if you have a proper relationship with those buttons, you're in a better place for the person who will push them responsibly.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Yeah. What were your buttons? I never really thought of it, but looking back, I think providing was a button. You know, if you feel like you're not providing, that goes back to earlier or not taking care of.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
I don't know how it manifests itself when I look back at it. And anything, that's the thing that was triggered. Now, it could be something unrelated that could actually trigger that. Like one of our big fights when we were married was my wife was very successful as an actor when she was young. And she really wanted to be a mom. And she didn't want to work full time. She wanted to be at home a lot.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
And I said, hey, I'm for whatever you want to do. You want to work? We'll figure it out. And she said, no, I really want to be a mom most of the time. And she did a lot of voiceover work and that kind of stuff. But I think a lot of resentment build because that's really hard work. Being a mom? Oh, being with kids all the time?
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
Completely, you know. And it really that pushed a lot of her buttons. You know, I used to do this joke or this one. I have some jokes, you know, that I never really did in stand up, but they were my favorite jokes. Oh, yeah. And I just kept them in places. Here's one of them. Never did this in stand up. This is it.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
So I said, when you're you know, when you meet somebody, you're going out with somebody. Everybody has baggage, right? You know, no one's. It's just that most of the time all you have is carry on baggage. You know, when you date somebody, that's all you have. And you look and you go, oh, they just have carry on. That's not so bad. I can do with that, you know, backpack.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
yeah it's reasonable i got nothing i got a computer bag i got nothing but that's all you have to care when you get married though that's when you first go to baggage claim right and you go oh i didn't know you that yeah where did this bag come from you know all these bags started popping up that you know you didn't know and so then so you have to go through that and then when you have kids that's when your loss of luggage is delivered to your house these are bags you didn't even know you had completely forgotten that you packed so children
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
They unearthed all the issues you didn't even know that you had. And so she resented me out in the world getting praise and all this stuff because I was getting a lot of success during that time. I was winning awards. 90s. Yeah, a lot of stuff was happening. And she was mainly at home doing that. And she even admitted there was a lot of resentment. And she would say she wanted an equal partner.
Blocks w/ Neal Brennan
Larry Wilmore
And I'm like, equal partner? Who's paying for these trips? I do my thing. And man, that triggered me when I look back that I was accused of not doing my job as a provider. But what she was asking for was something else that I couldn't hear at the time. What was it? She needed help in this arena where she did not feel seen in taking the kids. In taking care of the kids.
Fresh Air
Celebrating 20 Years Of 'The Office'
At Diversity Today, our philosophy is about honesty and positive expectations. We believe that 99% of the problems in the workplace arise simply out of ignorance. You know what? This is a color-free zone here. Stanley, I don't look at you as another race. See, this is what I'm talking about. We don't have to pretend that we're colorblind. Exactly. That's fighting ignorance with more ignorance.
Fresh Air
Celebrating 20 Years Of 'The Office'
We're not colorblind. No, with more ignorance. Right, exactly. Instead, we need to celebrate our diversity. Let's celebrate. Right. Okay. Celebrate good times.
Fresh Air
Celebrating 20 Years Of 'The Office'
Yes, exactly. Now, here's what we're going to do. I've noticed that... You know what?
Fresh Air
Celebrating 20 Years Of 'The Office'
I have two. Nice. White and Indian. Actually, I'd prefer not to start that way. Michael, I would love to have your permission to run this session. Can I have your permission? Yes. Thank you very much. And it would also help me if you receded.
Fresh Air
Celebrating 20 Years Of 'The Office'
Thank you. Okay. So, looking through the cards, I've noticed that many of you wrote down the same incident, which is ironic, because it's the exact incident I was brought in here to respond to. Now, how many of you are familiar with the Chris Rock routine? Oh, very good. Okay.
Office Ladies
Second Drink: Performance Review with Larry Wilmore
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Office Ladies
Second Drink: Performance Review with Larry Wilmore
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