LaMaire Lee
Appearances
KILL TONY
#697 - RFK JR + ARI SHAFFIR
What's up? I'm Jamie. I feel like I look like Ariel if she collected vibrators instead of forks. Thanks, guys. Despite how I look, I do love my dad. You know, I love my dad so much we share a one-bedroom apartment together. I hear some of your reactions. I see your faces. You're like, how does she do that? Fuck my dad. No, that's crazy. Perverts, all of you. No, it's easy.
KILL TONY
#697 - RFK JR + ARI SHAFFIR
I stay in the master bedroom. My dad stays on the mantle. Yeah, I'll let that sink in. Oh, you guys thought I had red hair and a dad? Come on. No, I have an OnlyFans. RIP, he's proud. I would sell my voice. just to hear my dad say I love you one last time. All right, thanks guys, I'm Jamie.
KILL TONY
#697 - RFK JR + ARI SHAFFIR
Thanks for having me. How long you been doing stand-up? About two and a half years. Where at? I started in Boston, then went to Miami, and now I'm here.
KILL TONY
#697 - RFK JR + ARI SHAFFIR
Yeah, I'm a Miami 4. He's not wrong. He's not wrong. I'm the one they don't let in the club.
KILL TONY
#697 - RFK JR + ARI SHAFFIR
That's how I started. Yeah, I would do like topless open mic comedy. It was terrible and I was fat. And somehow I made a lot of money doing it. So here we are living the dream.
KILL TONY
#697 - RFK JR + ARI SHAFFIR
Oh my, I have like a rational fear and I don't know what this is. Maybe it was a past life, but I'm terrified of sleeping on my back. Cause I think when I'm sleeping on my back, someone's going to stab me directly through the nipple. And that would make my topless comedy pretty hard.
KILL TONY
#697 - RFK JR + ARI SHAFFIR
You know, I think what every girl does when they go through a breakup. Right, ladies? We dye our hair. We do something we can control.
KILL TONY
#697 - RFK JR + ARI SHAFFIR
I went through a breakup that night, starred in OnlyFans, dyed my hair red. I was feeling a lot of things.
KILL TONY
#697 - RFK JR + ARI SHAFFIR
Not long. I didn't say I was mentally well, guys, okay? You could have got that from the comedy.
KILL TONY
#697 - RFK JR + ARI SHAFFIR
Well, I just stay home with my four cats. Four cats? Yeah, why go anywhere when I can stay at the pussy palace, you know?
KILL TONY
#697 - RFK JR + ARI SHAFFIR
Yeah, I go, you want to fuck? Get tested. It's really easy. And if they're into you, they'll get tested.
KILL TONY
#697 - RFK JR + ARI SHAFFIR
Well, it's somebody I've been, like, going out with for a while, like, on multiple dates. Now we're at that point.
KILL TONY
#697 - RFK JR + ARI SHAFFIR
Or do you have them retest before every... Well, I'm like, yeah, hopefully I'm fucking someone I trust, and then they're like, hey, I hooked up with someone, I'm going to get tested before we sleep together. That's the right thing to do. Why is that foreign?
KILL TONY
#714 - LUIS J GOMEZ + LEMAIRE LEE
Yeah. Yeah. I agree with you. I got a dead girlfriend, and I... Oh, really? Yeah. You do? Yeah. I went and I did a show that night, so I understand totally what you're talking about. Yeah. Yeah.
KILL TONY
#714 - LUIS J GOMEZ + LEMAIRE LEE
When I was first starting comedy, back in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, 717 till I died.
KILL TONY
#714 - LUIS J GOMEZ + LEMAIRE LEE
She had pancreatitis, a very avoidable disease. Unless...
KILL TONY
#714 - LUIS J GOMEZ + LEMAIRE LEE
She went to the hospital, and they kept sending her back. They were like, that's not what you got. Oh, my God.
KILL TONY
#714 - LUIS J GOMEZ + LEMAIRE LEE
It's okay. I didn't mean to take the moment away from you.
KILL TONY
#714 - LUIS J GOMEZ + LEMAIRE LEE
Have you ever heard of spun fun, Tony? Uh-uh. That's when you do meth and you fuck. Wow. Have you ever done that?
KILL TONY
#714 - LUIS J GOMEZ + LEMAIRE LEE
Okay, La Mer? I'm speechless. Thank you. They forgot about my joke.
KILL TONY
#714 - LUIS J GOMEZ + LEMAIRE LEE
Why'd you put the blacks in on motherfuckers? Is it because I related to you? Exactly.
KILL TONY
#714 - LUIS J GOMEZ + LEMAIRE LEE
Doesn't it look like he sings mariachi at Whataburger? A joke.
KILL TONY
#714 - LUIS J GOMEZ + LEMAIRE LEE
I'm sorry. Tony, I wish this guy would boot scoot and boogie off the stage.
KILL TONY
#714 - LUIS J GOMEZ + LEMAIRE LEE
I didn't do it. I don't hit women. Also, on the having sex with fat ladies thing, let's not speak for everybody.
KILL TONY
#714 - LUIS J GOMEZ + LEMAIRE LEE
Oh, no. Oh, I know. I do look like an auntie without a beard. What?
KILL TONY
#714 - LUIS J GOMEZ + LEMAIRE LEE
I agree, Tony. I recently had to take down three of my own fire alarms.
KILL TONY
#714 - LUIS J GOMEZ + LEMAIRE LEE
Okay, LaMare? Doesn't Matt look like DEI short round? From Indiana Jones?
KILL TONY
#714 - LUIS J GOMEZ + LEMAIRE LEE
It's not a bad decision. It's a young, hot babe. What? It's a young, hot babe. What is he supposed to do? Yeah, what could go wrong, pancreatitis?
KILL TONY
#714 - LUIS J GOMEZ + LEMAIRE LEE
I was just going to say, eye contact, sex, kind of rules. LaMare. LaMare.
KILL TONY
#714 - LUIS J GOMEZ + LEMAIRE LEE
I was judging a roast battle, and Sarah was on it, and I learned she's a racist.
KILL TONY
#714 - LUIS J GOMEZ + LEMAIRE LEE
Try it. We should all try. Tony, I think you got to stand up. She gets low. It's like from her balls.
KILL TONY
#714 - LUIS J GOMEZ + LEMAIRE LEE
Fucking look at this. I love Mr. Ed, Tony. Oh, my God, Seabiscuits.
KILL TONY
#714 - LUIS J GOMEZ + LEMAIRE LEE
It's great. Lewis, could you have the whole Absolute show at Skankfest? Because it's a really great show. That's crazy.
KILL TONY
#714 - LUIS J GOMEZ + LEMAIRE LEE
Are you talking about when Trump gives a speech? Is that a dog whistle?
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
Hi, guys. So I have two older brothers. One is autistic and one's a Jehovah's Witness. So I have two autistic older brothers. That's fun, right? We can laugh at Jehovah's Witnesses. They're not here. There's alcohol and fun. They can't be near this place. This is a safe space. My autistic brother, he's cool. He's high functioning. That means he does normal stuff, like he drives.
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
He's not great at it, but he does it. He T-boned a UPS truck a few years ago, which is like pretty hard to do, right? And then a few months after that, he got a job at the airport driving jet fuel trucks, which that's terrorism, if you ask me. It's like, did you check his stats? They're not great, but who else would you want fueling a jet plane besides an autistic person?
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
Like, he really gives a fuck about that plane, you know? Thank you. He also smokes weed, which is pretty fun. I give him weed, I should say. It's cool, because we smoke weed together, and he becomes not autistic, which is the opposite of what happens to me. Like, smoke a joint, go to Chipotle, and I'm just like, dude, you gotta order. I'm nonverbal. They all think I'm gay. All right, thanks, guys.
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
Oh, yeah. I got fired on my day off. You did? Yeah. What'd you get fired for? They just wanted to bring back the guy that was suspended for sexual harassment.
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
It's worse than purgatory. It's a bunch of retards thinking they're funny. It's just...
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
Yeah, especially because my girlfriend's alone with them right now.
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
Not here, no. Right. On the East Coast, I was fine, but I'm new here. Okay.
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
Crying a lot. I saw a homeless guy with his mom, and that made me sad because my mom's dead. I was like, I would give anything to be homeless with my mom right now. Wow, there you go.
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
basketball really yeah wow a master of posting up underneath the hoop getting rebounds i'd imagine boxing out yeah white man ball absolutely bounce passes yeah matt loves the spurs i do i'm tim duncan in the post you you guys really know each other yeah we're actually boys dude it's crazy that we're both here right now it is incredible it is absolutely my apartment like three times
KILL TONY
#695 - MATT MCCUSKER + LEMAIRE LEE
Okay. Very good. Middle name Jermaine after Jermaine Jackson. Okay. That's an interesting pick. What made you name him after Jermaine Jackson? I just wanted to raise a strong black man.
KILL TONY
#699 - LUIS J GOMEZ + JOE LIST
Me and my boys like to watch special Olympic highlights to feel better about ourselves. And we were watching women's field hockey because feminism. When he came in and he said, would you hit that? And I said, I can't. And it's because if you have sex with a special needs girl, sir, you will be looked at as a predator, as someone who's taking advantage of someone, and you need to do better.
KILL TONY
#699 - LUIS J GOMEZ + JOE LIST
If I have sex with a special needs girl, oh, Drew finally found love. And I deserve to be canceled because I drive a car and I pay my bills. I shouldn't be on a date with someone who needs a chaperone. And my boy said, Drew, you're terrible with women. You're like a shitty bowler. You need to use the fucking bumpers because you may not be cool using bumpers, but at least you hit something.
KILL TONY
#699 - LUIS J GOMEZ + JOE LIST
I am one grilled cheese sandwich combo and a Wiggles concert away from getting the best sloppy toppy of my life. Thank you all so much.
KILL TONY
#699 - LUIS J GOMEZ + JOE LIST
It felt okay. It felt a little tongue-tied at the end, but I'm getting my pacing down. I'm not just yelling Reddit. That's true.
KILL TONY
#699 - LUIS J GOMEZ + JOE LIST
No, my mom told me that. She's like, you need to stop yelling. Reddit is hammering you. Your mom reads Reddit?
KILL TONY
#699 - LUIS J GOMEZ + JOE LIST
She is an elementary school teacher. Wow. goodness has she always done that yeah yeah for about 20 years now she's almost ready to retire okay so what level is she teaching exactly so she fluctuates she'll go from third grade to fifth grade she'll loop which means stays with the same students for two years like it's just depends right right right right right and uh what uh level are you at
KILL TONY
#699 - LUIS J GOMEZ + JOE LIST
Level enough to fuck your mom. Whoa! What the fuck was that?