Joseph Paul Alampi
Appearances
KILL TONY
#718 - JAMES MCCANN + KIM CONGDON
What do you think the best joke that you... Well, I just have stories or whatever, like cat piss girl. What does that mean? So cat piss girl, I didn't have sex. I still haven't sex. Right now I haven't sex. So I didn't have sex for like two years, and I moved to Tampa. Uh-huh. And so I was talking to this girl outside for like a half hour and I believe she was intoxicated. Joseph, keep going.
KILL TONY
#718 - JAMES MCCANN + KIM CONGDON
So we went up to her room to fuck. She starts blowing me. Except the smell of ammonia made my dick go soft. And that was it. That was your go-to?
KILL TONY
#718 - JAMES MCCANN + KIM CONGDON
You're not really 50, are you? Huh? I'm sorry? Are you really 50? You drink lots of water, listen to your grandmother, eat your vegetables. But you've got huge, full lips. That's another one. Yeah, I was made fun of for having huge lips as a kid.
KILL TONY
#718 - JAMES MCCANN + KIM CONGDON
I was a security guard. I was a personal trainer, a Tai Chi instructor. I think Red Band would benefit from me, if you want to know. How? Personal trainer? Is that what you're implying? No, Moo Moo. I would love to train Red Band and help them out. Okay. Whatever. Jesus, Joseph. God damn.
KILL TONY
#718 - JAMES MCCANN + KIM CONGDON
So I used... So I used to play outside of a deli. And they didn't ground the ice box, the ice machine. So I put my hand on the one pole and the other pole. That's it. And then I did it again. That's the story of you getting electrocuted. This is the hardest. Yeah, go ahead. Fucking fuck me.
KILL TONY
#718 - JAMES MCCANN + KIM CONGDON
What about your big fucking blowjob lips? Did they ever make fun of your big blowjob lips? You have beautiful emerald eyes.
KILL TONY
#718 - JAMES MCCANN + KIM CONGDON
No, I said emerald eyes. I was going to do it as Mary, but you don't want to. Okay, shut the fuck up.
KILL TONY
#718 - JAMES MCCANN + KIM CONGDON
If a tree falls in the woods, does it make a sound if nobody's there? If I say the N-word in the woods, do ninjas start to fall out of the sky? Because, you know, whatever the fuck. Nothing makes any sense with you.
KILL TONY
#718 - JAMES MCCANN + KIM CONGDON
I would exterminate those bugs like I was in the party in the 1940s. For room and board, of course. That's a callback. Okay. Let's give it a round of applause for Mary. Everybody, Mary! Mary! Mary! Oh, hi there. Oh my God. This is a different sort of ship. Holy fuck, this guy. I'm Mary. Sometimes the aliens talk to me in my sleep or when I'm awake, et cetera, et cetera.
KILL TONY
#718 - JAMES MCCANN + KIM CONGDON
And I'm all out of fucking tin foil. Wait, go back on the X. Where's the X? I don't know, is the X in my head? Did I take any X? Stop taking X, because I think it's like in the psychic sphere or something. My grandson was also electrocuted. I was electrocuted. I'll break the fifth wall. I love you, Tony.