Jodi Silverman
Appearances
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
Can I give one tip on this one? Of course. If you are a couple that's feeling disconnected with each other or from each other, my friend and a fellow coach who is brilliant at this, she came up with a great tip and I love it. It's my favorite one. It's called a day swap. And you can do it with your adult children as well, Vince, to feel more connected.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
So one person in the relationship plans their ideal day. What is their favorite thing to do? You are invited to come along on their perfect day. And then you swap and you do the other person. What that allows you to do is it reminds you of what this other person who you love so much, what lights them up. Watching them enjoy and connects you back to what it is they really enjoy doing.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
And it's a shared experience. So a day swap with your adult children would be if they don't live at home anymore, you go visit them at college or you visit them wherever they live. You'll plan a day and take me around to all your favorite spots. You will feel reconnected to them.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
So now when you talk on the phone and they talk about, I'm standing in line getting my latte, mom, you know exactly where they are. It ignites connection and it allows you to see that other person, a view through their eyes of what really lights them up. It's good. But yes, I believe you need both of that.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
Yeah, and it lets you, J-Swap allows each party in the J-Swap to feel seen, heard, understood, appreciated. And isn't that what we all really want? We want to be seen and heard, and it can't help but bring you closer because you abandon anything that you feel or think, and you're just there to be with this person and witness what it is they truly enjoy doing. So it's a wonderful dare to do.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
If somebody is really bad, like really down and out, and I know the words depression, anxiety are thrown around very loosely in our world today, but if you are struggling to get up every day out of bed, find help. Go find professional help, always, because there are some people that it affects so deeply that they need help. I'll just say that out loud.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
The first thing I would tell anybody to do is exercise. make a decision and understand that you are always their mom and that you are going to shift from the fixer of all things to being there as I love the coach or advisor. I love the word advisor, that you are ready to let them go. They will call you and reach out when they need help.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
And when they do, you're an advisor, you're going to help them. You're not going to fix things. And then for yourself, Start with a list. Start with a list. Write a list of everything that... What are things I used to like doing before I was even like anybody's girlfriend, wife, husband, boyfriend, whatever it is, partner. What are things you used to like doing? Without judgment, no judgment.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
Just like it's kind of brain dump. What did I used to like to ride my bike? I used to like riding a bike. I used to like hiking. I used to like cooking. Whatever it is, write a list. What are things that... other people doing that when you see them doing, you're like, wow, that looks really fun. That looks cool. I think I could do that. And it can be a hobby. It could be a career.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
And then once you make your list without judgment, Read through the list and tap into how you feel and start to dare to experience the things on your list. And here's what I'm going to say, Vince, because a lot of people don't. They get stuck in this part. This is the taking action, the daring part. They don't because what if they fail? What if they don't like it? That's great.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
If you don't like doing it, you could take it off your list. I tried. I don't like that anymore. You might discover something else. You make room. If you try, say you register for a class and you just fail miserably at learning a new language. You wanted to learn how to speak Mandarin. You totally fail. It's okay. It's okay. What did you learn from that? Move on to the next thing.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
So make a decision, make a list, and just start. Small steps. Daring doesn't have to be a whole career change. It can be. It can be just little steps. And if you have a side hustle or a hobby... Maybe really look at that and ask yourself, how would this feel if I now put more time into my hobby? Could I make it into a business too? How does that feel when I say that?
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
So make a list, little baby steps, and find somebody to step out with you if you want.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
Yeah, the top issues that show up every time women join the Facebook group, they have to answer that question, actually. They have to answer, what's your biggest challenge right now? And what are you looking to gain by being part of this community? The biggest ones are the feeling disconnected from their now adult, I do with the quotes, adult children. Because honestly, they're not adults at 18.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
They're just not. They're considerably more adults, but they're not. Feeling disconnected. Yeah. And within the disconnection is wanting to be present in their life without being that helicopter parent. The lack of feeling like they have a purpose. They've lost their main purpose every day in their life. And... finding new friendships in this.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
It's a midlife chapter and beyond because this is the only time in a parent's life, and I'll talk about moms because it's really the mom's life where her children are not the conduits to her meeting other mom friends, meaning there's no more clay practice, no more basketball, there's no more soccer moms, and that's where we tend to meet our mom friends. So it's
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
Then learning how to connect and be a parent to adult children without hovering. Finding and discovering their purpose. What do they even want to do, need to do, like to do? Because they put that on the back burner. And then connection, friendship. Finding that community, the friendships. Those are the three.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
And what's great about all three of those, so the parenting one, I literally, I actually have a specific... And as far as parenting the adult children, Let me back up. One thing that can cover all three, that can help a mom navigate all three, the number one strategy is to shift your focus from them, where it has been for all these years, as a mom, as a full-time mom, back to you. Back to you.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
So permission to say, okay, I get to focus on me. I get to put myself at the top of the list now. and start to discover or rediscover or reconnect to those lost passions, those lost dreams. So shifting the focus onto you will help you not be, fill your time so you're not worried, constantly thinking about where are they, what are they doing? I'm going to text them.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
The cell phone, which I'm holding up right now, this is a great tool and a dangerous tool. Constantly connected. So if you have the ability to contact your child 24-7, that's not what this is for. So the first thing to do is to recognize that you get to put yourself first and you must put yourself first.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
It will help you with your relationship with your now adult child because you are now focused on yourself, giving yourself them a little distance. When you're focused on a new hobby, a new business venture, you can't be texting 24-7 to your children. And we don't want you to. And you become more interesting to your adult children. You have more conversation with them.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
And yet, with that being said, the number one parenting shift we all must make, and it really does, you brought this earlier, Vince, about being 10, 11, 12, 13 years old. The sooner that we can do this, we should be doing this throughout all of our parenting. And I was not good at this until I discovered it, is going from the fixer to the coach with our children.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
I actually have a method for it. We call it the D.A.R.E. method. We call it the D.A.R.E. method, and it's deciding. It's a simple, it's a decision. A decision that... you understand, I'm ready to focus on myself. A decision that, okay, my kids, I'm doing what, I did a great job. They're out there doing what they do. And by the way, Vince, you are never not a mom.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
You're just, your role as their mom is shifting and changing, but you are always their mom. My 29 and 26 year olds still call me for advice. They only know what they know in the moment. So this whole thought process of I'm no longer a mom, I'm not needed, no. You are always a mom and you are needed always just in a different capacity and in different ways.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
So decide that you're ready now to accept this and focus on yourself. That's the D. The A is awaken. Once you make a decision, when I made a decision and answering that question, am I fulfilled? Is this what I want to be doing? When I said no, that was a decision. That was a decision. And it awakened something within me. So awaken to what's possible. Awaken your heart again.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
Awaken your mind again. Awaken that spirit inside of you that always likes to try something new. And then you get to go to the R, which is to reimagine. Reimagine what could my life look and feel like? Reimagine about the things that you used to like to do. You know, go back and reconnect to, reconnect and reimagine. And then the E is the daring. That's the experiencing.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
Allow yourself to experience these new things. Create a list. Like within the DA, the dare method, you're going to create a list of the things you used to like doing. What are the things that look like fun to do? And then you're going to just slowly dare to experience these new things. Maybe some are not so new. You just haven't done them in 10, 15 years.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
You have to take yourself through the, you have to feel the loss. Vince, you always have to feel your emotions. We cannot just move through emotions and ignore them because they will come up. It's a resilience thing. It's how quickly can you understand the emotion you're feeling, what you're having, why you're having it.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
And then once you can understand why you're feeling the way you're feeling, you can then say, okay, I'm ready to decide on what my next step will be. How can I move forward or move through it?
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
So I know for him, Sam has a unique ability, Vince, to compartmentalize events and things. His mother, my mother-in-law, is very pragmatic. Sam is a very pragmatic person. With that said, He was missing the kids. When we dropped Ellie, our oldest, we knew, I knew the minute we dropped Ellie off at college that she would only be visiting home moving forward.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
She would never be living permanently in our house again. She would come home for the holidays, but I knew that there was no way Ellie was going to move back home. And I remember when she graduated college. So Sam missed her. Sam missed her. Ellie was very big into basketball, and that was a very bonding thing for Sam and Ellie, basketball. So he was going to miss her.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
And then when Daniel left, he missed both kids. He missed both of them. And yet my husband's personal feeling was now I get to hang out with you again, Jodi. We get to do things we like to do, just the two of us. And when we're with our kids, we can have fun again. But he was really excited to move through that with us. Now, I know that there are dads. I've spoken to dads that it hits really hard.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
And yet I'm going to make a very big generalization. Most of the fathers I know, although they miss their kids, it doesn't hit them as, what's the word I'm looking for, as deeply or not deeply, that's not the right word, as emotionally. And maybe it's because most men don't give up their careers emotionally. I guess, but I don't know, maybe dads handle it differently.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
They've missed their children, yet they seem to be handling it better. They don't have that loss of purpose that a mom has because now things are changing. In the future generations, you're seeing more dads. You're seeing more families because of the financial issues in the world with daycare. More families sit down and say, OK, who makes more sense to stay home, the mom or the dad?
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
Which parent should stay home? So there are more families. stay-at-home dads, work-from-home dads, and more fathers since the pandemic are working remotely from home, so are taking a much more active role in the day-to-day activity of their children. So I'm curious to see as generations go on, my feeling for dads are that they miss their children
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
And yet they don't have that feeling of disconnectness that moms have. And they don't have the same loss of purpose. They feel sad, but they're not into the level of a mom. That's just been my experience.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
I think it's valid. I think it's valid. Yes, we're making some generalizations here, and yet it is valid because society still raises boys were to not feel their emotions the way girls feel them and it's wrong it's wrong because i do believe what makes us strong what makes us resilient is our ability to feel and sit with our difficult emotions that's what makes everybody i don't care who you are
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
what gender you are, how old you are, our ability to feel and sit and understand our emotions is what will eventually create a much more resilient world.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
So what I have found is that some women share that when the children are removed from the equation, they're left looking at each other, who are we? Who are we as a couple? Who are you? When did you get, because the children have been everything in their world. And there is a way, it doesn't, I think some people get scared that their marriage might fall apart when the kids leave.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
It doesn't have to. What I do agree with what that guest said is I strongly believe that that you need common interests together, enjoy to do things together. And you also need your own interests and your own friends too. My husband, Sam, and I have that. We love being together. We like just hanging out together. We go out together. We have couple friends. We go out as couples.
Chief Change Officer
#295 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part Two
And yet he has his golf. I have my tennis. He has lots of community through golf. I have my mom's hudera. I plan events for just my moms. It's very important to have a sense of togetherness and a sense of self. It's very important to have both. I believe that to have a successful, strong relationship, partnership, there has to be both of that. Combined. I will share.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
It was fresh and new. So I'm sitting in that room, and the keynote speaker was a woman named Luann Kahn. She's an eight-time Emmy Award-winning journalist from my town, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. And she gave us each a copy of her book that she was on stage talking about. And it was called I Dare Me, how she did something new every day for a year to get unstuck.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
And I sat in that room, Vincent, in that moment, I felt like Luann was only talking to me. Like everything went quiet. I'm like, oh my gosh. Because she was talking about daring, stepping out of your comfort zone, trying new things. All is the same word. And I thought, oh my gosh, I've been daring. And it was such a playful word for me and everything about me. I like play.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
I think play is very important in an adult life that we forget how to play. And I sat in that room and I thought, I'm daring. That's what I've been doing. She gave me the word that felt and resonated deeply with what I had been doing for the last three years leading up to that conference. And I left that. I said, oh, my gosh, I'm a mom who dares.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
I ran home and I had a Facebook group for something else. And I changed the name of the Facebook group to Moms Who Dare. And I started posting in the group, has anybody ever just gone to a movie at 10.30 in the morning? Join me, I'm going to this movie theater at this time. Anybody want to go out for dinner? Does anybody want to go axe throwing?
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
I don't know if you've ever heard of axe throwing, but it is fun. Has anybody ever done an escape the room? And I just started posting and a core group of women started showing up. And that's how Moms Who Dare started. As a Facebook group, very local to my backyard. And fast forward to COVID, the pandemic we had, and everything started to go virtual.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
So I started to host virtual Zoom meetups, which during that time, everybody went Zoom crazy. I wish I had Zoom stock. Now it's a hybrid virtual in-person community. It's still a Facebook group. There's 2,500 women in that Facebook group. And nothing against dad spins.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
I love my husband is a great dad, but it is just moms in that group or anybody who resonates with being a mom because women tend to share openly. And are more vulnerable amongst other women. Just like men. I think there's a time and a place to bring everyone together and a time and a place to have a girl's only clubhouse and a boy's only clubhouse. But that's how Moms Who Dare came to be.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
And it just grew organically. And now there's a spinoff. Membership does a whole thing. But we still, we do virtual. Hangouts, virtual experiences, because COVID created virtual abilities, then scavenger hunts virtually, and game nights. And I still have a nice-sized local community, and we do get together four to six times a year in person.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
But that's how Moms Who Dare just, it was daring to say yes to going to an event by myself. Not sure if I would know anybody. Then I heard this woman speak, and that became my community.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
Yeah, the top issues that show up every time women join the Facebook group, they have to answer that question, actually. They have to answer, what's your biggest challenge right now? And what are you looking to gain by being part of this community? The biggest ones are the feeling disconnected from their now adult, I do with the quotes, adult children. Because honestly, they're not adults at 18.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
Good morning, Jody. Welcome to Chief Change Officer. Welcome to my show. Good morning to you, Tuvitz. I'm so happy to be here on your show. Thank you. This is a special episode for me for a couple of reasons.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
They're just not. They're considerably more adults, but they're not. Feeling disconnected. Yeah. And within the disconnection is wanting to be present in their life without being that helicopter parent.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
Of course, and I am so honored to be here as you step out of your comfort zone and dare to create video. And that's my platform. That's what I inspire others to do. And I'm always inspired when somebody like yourself, Vince, will step out of their comfort zone. Yay for you. I'm excited to be here. I can't wait for your listeners to hear what we're going to talk about today.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
Absolutely. Yeah. So I'm Jodi Silverman and I started my career before I was anybody's wife or mom. I started my career in sales. I sold direct mail marketing advertising. I found my way in sales. I loved it. I was with a national company, very successful for about 12 years. And during those 12 years, I met my husband, Sam, and we're now together 33 years.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
And we've had two children, Ellie, who is now 29, and Daniel, who is now actually, Ellie at the time of this going live will be 30, and Daniel is 26. So during that transition of going from single to married to becoming a parent, my career transformed with me. It changed.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
And in order for me to still want to keep my toes and my mind sharp in the business world and yet be more present in my children's life, I dared. And I didn't know it at the time that it was daring. That came later. I dared to step away from this job, my career, and start my own business. I also didn't know there was something called entrepreneurship, Vince, but apparently that's what it was.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
And so I started my own print sales company that allowed me to still work, make some income, but yet be more present. Pick up from preschool for my kids, go to their games and whatever school activities they had. And that was like the first step. Looking back in hindsight, I wasn't aware of it at the time. That was the first dare. And then, fast forward, my kids are in high school.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
They're about three years apart in high school. So my daughter was getting ready. It was a year she was getting ready to graduate. She was going to go off to college. I'm in the States. She was going to go off to a university. And I found myself sitting in this really quiet space. I had the print business for months. Gosh, about since Daniel was two, so about 10 years.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
And I was in a very quiet space and we tend to go in our heads and start to think about things when we're in a quiet space. And I realized in that moment, I was sitting there wondering, what was I going to do with all the free time that was about to open up? As my daughter left and my son was in high school, free time was opening up. Is this what I really wanted to do?
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
Is selling commercial printing really what I wanted to do? And I was like, ew, no, I really didn't want to do it. And it was a hard answer to swallow and accept because here I was, fortunate and privileged enough to have my own business, schedule my own time, and yet here I was feeling unfulfilled and I didn't want to do it anymore.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
All the guilt of feeling like I'm ungrateful for the gifts and the privilege that I have started to surface and it was also in that quiet space. So I was in this quiet space for a couple hours. Oh, I asked the question, I answered it. I felt a little uncomfortable with my answer and guilty. And at the same time, I realized my feeling unfulfilled had nothing to do with
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
me as a partner and a wife with my husband had nothing to do with me being unmonitored, everything to do with what did I want for myself. And I know, Vince, that a lot of your listeners out there, no matter where they are in the world, wherever you are in the world, we all are more alike than we're different. And we've all experienced, most of us have experienced that moment in our lives.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
I know you. with all the change and shifts and daring you've done, get that feeling like there's something different, something bigger for me. And I didn't know what it was. But just by sitting in that space, asking the question and allowing the answer to be, no, this is not what I want, opened up my mind to be receptive when an opportunity showed itself for me.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
Yeah, it's a good term to use. So for me personally, I knew that I would miss my daughter terribly. I have a daughter. I have a son. There's things my daughter would do with me that my son wouldn't. My son really didn't feel like he wanted to weigh in on my outfits. Is this a good outfit to wear? My daughter was my fashion consultant. She would go and get manicures and pedicures with me.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
My son had no interest in getting his nails done. I tried, but he had no interest. So I I there are all there's a range of different emotions that all parents, moms and dads alike. And I would even dare to say, Vince, if you were not a mom in the traditional sense of the word, but you're an aunt.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
or you're an uncle and you have children in your life that you're very close to it can affect them as well but the range could go from what you said a complete loss of feeling like you're no purpose what is my purpose if i'm not a full-time mom anymore that was not really what hit me but i know that is how it affected a lot of people i know a lot of my close friends for me
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
I was both excited for my daughter, and I'll talk about her because she was the first to leave, because she needed to go to college. She was ready for college. I was excited for her. I was sad that her personality would be missing from our home. It changes the dynamic of a home when one child leaves school. and whether it's an only child or you have other children at home.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
So the dynamics of the home was going to change. And with that being said, I was also excited because now I had some focused time with my son at home. To get back to your original question, for me, it was a combination of, it was a bittersweet moment. I was so happy for her, and yet I was going to miss her on a day-to-day basis.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
The biggest feeling of disconnection that I hear most parents tell me about is not knowing what they're doing every day. We go from 100% full-time parenthood. We know who their friends are. We know where they are. They come home at night. We know where they're going on a Friday night or a Saturday night. We know what they're doing after school. We don't know what they're doing when they're away.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
They're navigating their life on their own terms. They're meeting new people. So that is where the feeling of disconnectedness comes from. And it's a very hard, difficult, uncomfortable emotion and feeling to deal with as a parent, to feel disconnected from your child after 18, 20 plus years being 100% connected. It's a hard one. So it does hit... parents at different phases of emptiness.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
I say it's all different. It can happen during high school. I say the first phase of emptiness, when they get their driver's license here in the US, so 16 years old, that's independence. They don't need you to drive them anywhere. It's the first moment of the, they don't need me anymore mindset.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
We all know our goal. What is our goal as parents? To raise confident decision-making children to become confident decision-making young adults to adulthood to go out on their own, bring new experiences and meet new people and discover who they get to be. We know that's our role. We know that's our goal. And when it happens, most of the time we're really not prepared for the separation.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
And Kim, Vince, what I'll say is I believe a common mistake in some listeners, some moms out there might not like what I'm about to say, Vince, they might not like it. A common mistake is viewing your relationship with your child as a friendship. I hear a lot of moms, a lot of moms, because I do deal mainly with moms, but I hear a lot of moms say, they're my best friend.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
Our children are not our best friends. You can like your children. You can like them. In addition to loving them, you can like them. And yet, they can't be your friend. You have to have other... They're not your friends. Think about... What you share with a friend. That should not be what you share with your children. You can feel the emptiness.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
But if we can change that shift in, you're not losing a best friend. You're not even losing your child. You are gaining this amazing young adult to watch them blossom. And now you get to gain a more adult-like relationship with your children.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
which once you move through the emotions, the sadness, the disconnectedness, and you can understand those feelings and move through them, the adult relationship is fabulous with your children. It can be. It can be.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
Yes, and the identity crisis is a good description of events. It's really well said because even for me, somebody who always worked outside of the home, The majority of my time was spent being a mom, was spent parenting. And those moms that decide to become full-time moms, it's even harder. It's even harder because they don't have it. They put away their career.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
They put away their interests and their hobbies to be a full-time mom, which is no joke. It's no joke. It's a serious job. It's a career. So what happened for me is when I was in that moment and I decided I wanted something different, An opportunity for a new business venture was presented to me in the multi-level marketing, direct sales industry.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
And for anybody out there who has ever been part of a direct sales, multi-level market, network marketing, whatever, it's called direct sales, multi-level marketing, network marketing. They're all the words. You'll know that it opens up the doors to the world of personal professional development.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
And what I mean by that, Vince, is it opens up the doors to the thought leaders who have written amazing books over a lifetime, like Think and Grow Rich from Napoleon Hill. Everybody knows that. So many, Brene Brown is a universal name that most people know. It opens the doors for that. And that's what happened for me. It opened up the door.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
It surrounded me with people who were all on the same journey of rediscovering who they were and were looking for something else that they were meant to be doing. And I attended one of the dares I did before I knew what daring was my word. I said yes to attending a local women empowerment conference. So I walked into this room with 300 other women, small business owners. I was a life coach.
Chief Change Officer
#294 Jodi Silverman: Parenting, Purpose & the Dare to Begin Again — Part One
I became a life coach at the time. I knew I wanted to support other women, specifically moms, because up until this point, I was stepping out of my comfort zone. I started a new business. I was meeting new people. I was scared. I was doing it scared. I had doubt, but I was enjoying. I was excited again. Even my husband, Sam, said, you're reborn. There's this excitement about you.