Jess Tuff
Appearances
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
Yeah. No, I am. There's a lot of stigma around autism. And it's unfortunate because you meet one person with autism, and children sense the stigma from adults and then have a hard time accepting it for themselves because they'll see one child who's nonverbal. and go, I don't have that, like it's a disease, when it's just how our brains work.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
I think if you nurture that for each child, it will become magical and everyone will succeed.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
Oh, yeah. She always needs to wear cotton. No tags ever. The softball game was a lot of things. It was the heat. It's great now because she can explain things, verbalize what's going on. She... Heat's being hot. She loves to be cold. Textures, food, noodles with butter. She'll try new things when she sees me eating them. Sounds, smells. There's so many things, but they're at different degrees.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
So I go individually with them to their classroom to help support them academically, emotionally, socially, to help them integrate. oh that's nice how long have you been doing this this is my second year at the school my career was in early childhood development i used to direct child care centers i did that for 15 years and started a substitute teaching company for that center the problem was
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
Some things are less visible to people, but that's because they don't know her. In the research I've done, women are really good at masking. were resilient and smart, were good at fitting in, did that. She still does it in front of people she's not comfortable with. I saw it when she got into second grade, how she would behave in front of strangers.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
She stood up straight, smiled, and barely said a word, but just enough to make a good impression.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
Growing up, she would watch one movie at a time for months. We had a 45-minute drive to my work every day. I had DVD players in the back for my daughters. I would have to force her to watch something new before she would catch on and then she would go with that one until I would get her to do a different one. But that was definitely it.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
She definitely has several trampolines and different things that she can use to self-regulate. Bouncy chairs. She has movement, repetitious movement as well.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
I don't think so.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
Yeah, by 16 months or so.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
Not.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
They never have.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
My older one did not want a sister. She was a toddler, barely saying a couple of words. I remember I would read her the You're Gonna Be a Big Sister book. I would sit next to her in her bed and she would search.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
screaming crying and yelling no pointing at the door she's never wanted to share my attention she laughs out at her sister whether i'm actively being attentive to her or not i think she had some resentment towards her yeah okay is there any hope that that might change in the future It's really sad because her sister is completely opposite in so many ways.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
She would love nothing more than for her older sister to be her best friend. She helped her older sister make friends her whole life. She's so kind. She has the biggest heart, so much natural empathy. I went to help her and her sister make pumpkin pies at their school yesterday. Afterwards, I went to her younger sister's locker and there was a note for me and it said, Happy Thanksgiving, Mom.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
I love you, even though you're nice to my sister when she's mean to me. And I was like, I get it. But it's hard because it's clearly hard for her to understand the whole situation.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
Yeah, I'm hopeful. Yeah.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
Oh man, that's tough because it was hard. I have so much hope though with technology and innovation. And there are so many people rising up right now geared towards a more equitable and inclusive future. They're going to be gaining so many tools to help embrace people who have different neurodivergent needs and learning styles and passions. I would say embrace your child for who they are.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
And to help support them regardless if anybody else is receptive to it. But to understand those people that might not be receptive just don't know because it was hard enough being the parents and trusting that I knew. You can't really expect a stranger to your child to know.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
My mom has always accepted my daughters for who they are. I think that even during everything in the past couple of years, she didn't know. I remember trying to educate her throughout the whole thing, but I was doubtful because I didn't actually have the piece of paper that says yes. It's hard to defend when you don't have that. But once we did have that, she's been educating other people
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
that it was hard to keep it staffed at certain times of the year. Other times, you would have an abundance of people, but there was times of the year where you had no one, and you can't be open without being in ratio with staffed children. So I...
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
who have no clue. One of my cousins, he has a son who is on the spectrum. I remember at a holiday, probably four years ago, he asked if she was on the spectrum. And so there's some family members that once you're joining together now, because you have that common bond, there's other people who that you just know that they don't, there's people that don't believe that she does. It's unfortunate.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
I hope that eventually they'll accept it. I remember when I worked at the child care center, I asked other expert teachers about it. I didn't really want anything to be wrong with my daughter because I didn't know what it was. But I knew what everybody looked at it to be.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
The more we talk about it and bring awareness to it, I hope that will help other parents see it for what it is and to accept it in their own household.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
Yeah.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
Exactly.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
I agree. That's, I think, what it's really going to take is realizing what it is.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
Oh, thank you. Thank you. I'm really grateful for your advocacy. I'm grateful for you supporting parents needed for so many. So thank you.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
would interview, hire, train, and then I would direct the substitute teachers based on their qualifications between centers based on the needs of the centers at that time. And then my daughters went into school district. So I quit my career and decided I was going to start my own business because I was running other people's businesses for so long. I knew how to do it.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
That was the fall of 2019 when I decided to do that. I was also nannying, so I was able to make it work and be there for my kids. Really got spoiled being able to be with them all the time, see all of their development as it unfolded, hear what was going on all the time. I believe that the small things make up the big things. If you can understand why something is happening, then you can fix it.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
I got to really support my daughters a lot more than parents normally do. I knew my oldest daughter was a little bit unique. There's that weird thing when you're a parent. It doesn't matter if you're an expert in the field. You have a bias. So it's hard to trust your own judgment. I asked people, do you see anything I'm not seeing or is there anything I should be aware of?
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
And they assured me, nope, nothing at all. There were a lot of other kids at that point in time showing some unique behaviors and emotional struggles. It wasn't until she went into the school district and it didn't really have that support system in place anymore. And it all went downhill. I really had to fight for her to be treated as an individual, which led me to where I am now.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
A year on wait list, a year of being bullied for the diagnosis to get them to support her. All they had to do was have someone stand next to her outside at recess and help her.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
Second grade. She's in fourth grade now.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
Yeah, she's been in therapy since before the diagnosis. She actually asked me if she could see a therapist that year. She told me what was going on at school. They were playing a game at recess. Her friend, it was called Danger. And the person that was Danger, everyone would point, laugh, and run away from them. That was the game. But she was always Danger. Wow.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
So every day at recess, this was happening to her. And she'd always depended on myself or her sister to help her make friends and socialize. She struggled in school. It wasn't quite as accepting. After talking to a lot of different experts in autism, that's the age when the other kids notice you're a little bit different. So that was a really hard year for her to go through.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
I got her on the wait list with Fraser after the school denied an assessment, got her in therapy. The next year after the assessment, she had the best teacher in the entire world. He really turned her opinion of school into something completely different. He's brilliant. He looks at the students like I look at children and their own unique individual characteristics.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
And the label didn't really matter to me because she is who she is. And that's the same way with all the other people in the world, not just kids. We're all unique. If we could all look at ourselves and get to know who we are, it would be a lot easier for us to be accepting of other people.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
So I got back in the school district. I think there was a little bit of that wanting to learn more because through the assessment process, I had to do all my own research. The process makes you feel like there's got to be something more that you're missing. It felt like I was breaking the law. asking for an assessment for information about her mental health.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
I started therapy during it too, and I asked my therapist if I could be assessed if she did that. There was no response, which was weird because we had such a great rapport. It was confusing because everybody's so indirect. The more research I did, the more I found out that there's not enough research. with technology where we're at.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
I'm really excited because I feel like we're at the point now where we're about to get data from everywhere around the world. And that's going to give us so many answers that we didn't have before. I'm looking forward to that.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
The assessment through the school, they declined an assessment and then I pushed and they finally gave her an assessment while she was on the wait list for Frasier. When Frasier gave her an assessment, she got a diagnosis of being on the spectrum. They encourage you to... Put your child in a community of neurodiverse individuals to embrace that about themselves.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
For you as a family to talk about it, to embrace it in all of these things. It gave me a bit of freedom as well because it was such a scary process. I feel like the school is like you're doing something wrong. And I just don't quite understand it still. going to a therapist and having them kind of brushed off.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
Her doctor had someone in network who could assess her for CBD or ADHD and not, but not autism. It was just strange how there's so many experts But nobody could help diagnose this. I'm really looking forward to a future where we can have honest and accessible diagnosis tools with technology as well.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
At that point, I was almost hoping it was diagnosed as that because it seemed so clear to me after doing so much research and checking all the boxes. There was so much self-doubt during the whole process because... I'm reading and everything points to yes, yet all of the people I'm talking to are not.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
Everything that I was reading, it aligned with how I parented and how I teach to meet the child where they are and to support them how they need to be supported. I felt a freedom, like it was okay to parent the way I was parenting. which I didn't have before that because she had so many behaviors growing up. She had very strange behaviors that I didn't understand.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
Like we would go to a softball game in the evening in the summer and she would be great the whole car ride, get her in the stroller. We'd be walking, we'd make it to the field and she would just lose it. I couldn't explain it. Everybody would look at me like I should get my kid under control.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
I would always just leave and I would get judgment for that and not staying and making her be quiet or stop crying. Your child, when she's crying because something is wrong, there's something going on with her and there's no other reason for her to be upset. So it gave me some peace, really, that it was okay what I was doing.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
She's nine.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
really is like a sense of hell like a torture to intuitively feel you are doing what's best and to the best of your knowledge to your abilities what I was doing would work she would we'd go in the car I turn on the AC and start driving and she'd be totally fine It was so confusing. There was a lot of shame. Their parents have a hard job.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
And society doesn't always support them in the way that it should. It was hard. I did a weird thing during the hardest part of it. I really internalized most of it. I'm an introvert, naturally. I like my quiet time. I like my peaceful time alone to reflect. So I did that a lot. Once I had clarification of what was going on, it was like being set free.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
Yeah, no, thanks for asking.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
I felt confident speaking up and out about it because I had the answer key. It wasn't me relying on I'm right and all the people are wrong just because I think I'm right. Because as we know, everyone has different perspectives. What one person thinks is real for them. So what is our reality?
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
With the school, I think I was as close to blowing my gasket as I've ever been before. During the battle for my daughter, the treatment, it was, and it didn't make any sense. Like, I'm a really nice person. I remember even telling them that people like me normally, but this isn't right before we got the assessment done. I had enough of feeling like I was feeling. I had enough of being angry.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
I work in a school in special education. I work primarily between the high needs autism room, where some people are like non, there's about five or six kids in there right now. They could be nonverbal, have sensory issues to children that are on the spectrum, but they're in the gen ed classrooms.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
And I didn't want to hate anyone.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
So I remember one day I went to the school. Brought my mom. I asked the principal for a meeting. I sat down. I cried. I apologized. I let them win. I just didn't want that anymore in my life. When we got the diagnosis, it was more peace. I didn't feel a need to say anything anymore because everything changed. It all changed.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
It says a lot about how people greet each other when they don't know anything about each other, judgments. There were a lot of things that happened and it places a lot of self-doubt in you.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
what the parents go through, they deserve to be treated like they are the most important person in that child's life because they are. Teachers are temporary. Teachers teach the way that they teach. There are great teachers that can meet lots of different needs. But when it comes down to it, it's a teacher teaching students that all learn differently because we're all unique.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
And they're not meeting the needs of all students. It really led me down the path of technology. I was introduced to VR a little over a year ago, and it was a no-brainer for educating by experience to really immerse the student, whether it be a child or an adult. into an experience where they can see for themselves.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Jess Tuff: Empowering Autism Acceptance Through Advocacy and Empathy – A Mother's Journey in Special Education and Mental Health
I don't tell people my opinion often because perspective is everything and everyone has their own. I like to give them the facts and let them see the learning by experience, but in a safe area where you can show people what others are going through too.