Jeff Dye

Okay. So... All the way along, though, Greg always welcomed me in, and I thought, this is a great show. I love being a part of it. I'm going to kind of lean into that and be a part of Greg's thing. And then what happened somewhere about six or seven years ago, all of a sudden, it is, well, if you're on Fox at all, you can't do anything else. You're not allowed to do anything else. Like,

And I sort of, I pushed that away a little bit for a while. And in the last like four months, I thought, oh, that's just the way it is. So if I want to do news, I'm going to have to do Hannity and Lauren and all those other shows. Maybe get on Real America's Voice or all these other, there's all these other sort of.

Everything's swinging in weird directions. I don't know what form it's going to take. Do you have a sense of it?

My whole family takes it. This comes out of, believe it or not, dolphin research. The Navy maintains a fleet of dolphins. And a brilliant veterinarian recognized that these dolphins sometimes developed a syndrome identical to our Alzheimer's disease. Those dolphins were deficient in a particular fatty acid. She replaced the fatty acid. and they didn't get the Alzheimer's.

There was no red pill on your cigar.

And by the way, was that from the good, the bad, and the ugly? Is that what that pose was from?

We've got to find out. Caleb, I think it's a demo. I'm going to look it up. I do. What is it? He'll look. But I want to defend both Whitney and Greg. And Zuckerberg. Zuckerberg is just a businessman. He's doing what his business is expediting. He's responsible to his stockholders. And so to me, he's just doing what they do. The fact that he caved to the government is... It's disgusting.

It is cowardly. And I would like to see him say something like that.

Like really express regret.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think it is. I think it's a crime against... And you see things so clearly. And by the way, so I'm going to defend Whitney a little bit. I don't think Whitney really felt like this before. I think things got clearer. I think she was just... I don't think she had strong feelings one way or another. Now she's like, what the hell?

Okay, all right. If it's going to help her relationship with somebody, she'll do it. I'm going to get you and she in here together. That's what I'm going to do. That's my goal now.

Well, she did it on CNN. And it is hard to do stuff there without them kicking you right off the air.

Well, that's what I want to say. So you seem that you have a certain amount of clarity that's coming from something.

Like, why do you think you have such, it reminds me a little bit, Tyrus has, Adam has this, Corolla has some kind of clarity. You guys are sensitive to, you sense stuff. And when you, when that thing goes off in your head or your body, whatever it is, you know it and you can rely on it. And so you can lean into it. Like Tyrus, it's an example. early and often said, this isn't going to be close.

Stop it.

He was just like, this isn't going to be close. I'm telling you, it's not going to be close. And Adam, he, 20 years ago, was saying things like, the direction we're going is not, this isn't good. My mom was like, this is a horrible way to go. Yeah, yeah. So what is it for you that you can lean on that tells you? Where's that barometer or that weather vane or...

Okay.

So those of you who don't know where... Why is Nikki Glaser's name up there?

Humans have the same issue. And we are more deficient in this particular fatty acid than ever before. And a simple replacement of this fatty acid called C15 will help us prevent these syndromes. It's published in a recent journal called Metabolites. It's a new nutritional C15, pentadecanoic acid, it's called.

Sorry. Oh.

Oh, interesting. Well, that's good because I've always been a... I feel like the comedians are sort of the rock stars slash poets of our time. And they disappointed me during, some of them, disappointed me during COVID. I was, where are they? We need you. We need you. And they were quiet. That was very disappointing. But they're back. And again, that's why I'm defending all of them.

So a lot packed into what you said there. Yeah. I almost don't know where to start. So real man. Yeah. There's been a deficiency of men being men lately. And do you think millennials particularly had trouble with that?

What is that?

Where did that come from? It's the oddest thing. It's fascinating.

It is weird. It's a new concept to me that that's what you guys were doing, and I love it.

You must be softer and opposite. Well, that's your only way to sort of gain power or recognition or something. Yeah, 100%. So Jordan Peterson... I came on to him. I was trying to look for a confluence of anthropology and psychology. And lo and behold, I found Jordan Peterson. This was over 14 years ago, something like that.

And he had these podcasts, or they were almost little mini lectures called Maps of Meaning.

But he had interviews with the maps.

The deficiency that we are developing for C15 creates something called the cellular fragility syndrome. This is the first nutritional deficiency syndrome to be discovered in 75 years and may be affecting us in many ways, and as many as one in three of us. This is an important breakthrough. Take advantage of it. Go to fatty15.com slash drdrew to receive 15% off a 90-day starter kit subscription.

Right. Right. I got onto those early. Nice. And so I thought, this guy's into something. And he, because a big part of his thing is what's right and what's wrong and knowing the difference. When they started mandating speech, it wasn't that it was pronouns. It was mandated speech.

He was very tuned into the Gulag archipelagos and 1980s. Dostoevsky, all that. And all the previous historians that warned us against where this goes. Yeah. And so he said, you must stop it here. And that's what blew, everything blew up for him. And that's when you found him.

Well, there's a literature department. Oh, why?

Honest, honest. Yeah, honest. Did you get depressed or did you have a mental breakdown? It was very broad.

Did you get anxiety disorder or panic?

I had the COVID, which made me... A lot of bipolar mania these days from all the hallucinogens and cannabis and all this stuff. Yeah. It's causing it. Make no mistake about it.

I get it. I get it. It's got to be like to get it all kind of feeds together. But the fact that it went from just being severely depressed or hypomanic to mania, the drugs did that for you.

I hope you got angry. I want people to be angry at that. Are you angry? Are you pissed? I want millennials to be pissed. I want people to be pissed at what we did to them.

Yeah. Yeah, and imagine you were 14 and this was all that.

Right? This is the part when they started doing this shit, exactly this is what I knew would happen to people. I was like, this is going to hurt people. Yeah, broke my brain in a lot of ways. Fuck, you got to... I don't know how you feel about it. I won't tell you what to do, but you want to...

I don't know, make a movie, a documentary, a book or something where this is contextualized in what they did to young people.

And now they're like, what's wrong with young people? Why can't they get their shit together? We did it. You broke them. You broke them. And the way out, it seems to me, I'm going to add to my list with the inspiration of you. I've been saying they need to get pissed. They need to get honest and pissed. And I think then you're in pretty good shape.

I've got so much more I want to talk to you about, including I want to start next time when we take a little break. When we get back, king of getting fucked on the Internet, you said to me, I want to know what that means. So give me my camera back and we will continue with Jeff Dye.

or use code DRDREW at checkout for that 15% off, or just go to our website, drdrew.com slash fatty15. Please welcome Jeff Dye. I didn't realize he and I had been swimming in the same waters for a long time. But you mentioned that we were both on MTV back in the day. You know, I quietly was continuously on MTV, continuously until this year, since 1996. Wait, until this year?

Joel Pollack is going to stop by and report some more of the nonsense from the great republic, so-called, of California back after this. Wellness Company knows that taking charge of your family's healthcare is a top priority and being rationally ready, and who knows what the future will hold for us, Now, TWC has a service to cover your family's medical needs, including and especially prevention.

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He ain't getting fucked on the internet. Yeah, I was just saying that because you guys were discussing censorship and things. So we have a YouTube event happening to us. But I'm going to have to bring Caleb in a second to tell what happened here. But what's your story?

A million ills, a million cuts have been perpetrated in the name of doing good. And as always, social evil is done in the name of good.

And they're doing evil by censoring.

Wow, we've been downregulated on Facebook. We're going to try to get that back too. But Caleb, tell the story about YouTube and your tale of woe there. What happened?

Until this year, because of Teen Mom. Teen Mom went 13 years.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes, it's disrespectful to this.

I saw it on email. Literally. There's a reason I'm gone. But I think I outlasted Kurt Loder, just not quite as consistently on the air.

Disinformation, I think, is like intentionally distorting things.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it's Fox. But go ahead, Caleb. So finish up the story here. How we ended up with 8 million views.

And by the way, it was Kelly... Kelly Victory is a, not just, she's a disaster specialist. She's an ER, consummate ER doctor. And there it's removed. You see it now.

Joel Pollack is going to stop by, senior editor-at-large and in-house counsel at Breitbart News. He's a South African, which I didn't know, Harvard-educated, social study degree, environmental studies, law. Pollack served as chief speechwriter for Leader of the Opposition Party in South Africa Parliament. So he will be with us to report on...

We're also on X, though.

We're on Facebook, but we've been shadow banned over there.

I'm a socialist.

We have board certification. We have no idea what they're talking about. We're fellowships. We have all this stuff. And the comedy is I didn't agree with what they were saying in both cases. I don't think that's true, but you're welcome to say it here.

I was just insane.

Anything.

They're fine with it.

Well, there's a movement in this country that believes freedom of speech is, and this is in Europe in spades, that it's dangerous and it's something that... Hates speech. It's the oddest thing.

We should just get those NFL salaries. It'd be great.

It is. Yeah. If you had said that a year ago, you would have gotten endless shit for it.

Look at that. Put that up again. Put that up again. I remember that essay was crazy when I saw it. It's insane.

Oh my gosh. So let's talk about your special.

100%.

And it should, of course, be ensconced in the law. but it should be defended in all aspects of our life. And that's where people seem to miss, that when it gets infringed upon, particularly when private businesses are being muscled by the government, that's how it goes goofy, everybody. That's how it goes sideways. Read your history. Did Peterson have any history books in the mix there?

Last Cowboy in LA. Where, when, why?

I thought it was over. I thought we got mass formation and all that nonsense. I thought, well, it happened in the 20th century in such a high scale. It's like, we're not going to do that again.

A professor got up and excoriated a melting pot model and said there must be all separate, everything separate.

And that it is sort of anti-xenophobic, essentially, to want a melting pot.

And what was that, it was 1992? Think about that. Yes, 1991. 1991, she graduated college. Unbelievable.

So I sent one to Vanderbilt, so we spent a lot of time in Nashville. Yeah, I love Nashville. It's the best. It's becoming a little bit of a weird Vegas-y thing on Broadway. It was not like that when he started at Nashville.

And they sell it to kids.

Well, it's all just playing on our biology in terms of what we respond to in terms of persuasion, hypnosis, commercials, and addictions. You know, our appetites, we are easily taken advantage of and there needs to be some... I don't want, again, I don't want government to tell us what to eat necessarily. When Bloomberg tried to do that in New York, I was very against it.

Remember he put all, do you remember this whole part? He put calorie counts on everything and he was trying to outlaw sodas in New York City. And I was like, no, no, no, no. There's got to be a better way. We've got to be much more realistic about human motivation and what carrots and stick you can put in place to get us to do what's best.

Well, there was a thing that did that. They called it religion, I think. The church or something. I, about eight years ago, said, I think we need a great awakening in this country. We need something spiritual, something.

I don't want to prescribe what it is, but it's something is needed.

Well, again, where does your moral compass come from? Where does yours come from?

It seems to me you have a lot of clarity.

Is it because you went through a little crucible of shit? I don't know.

That is funny. Very Clint Eastwood. Yes, very good.

Well, and again, I worked in this field for a long, long, long, long time. And so I'm very interested in all those sort of Aspects of sobriety. Are you comfortable talking about it? Oh, for sure. When you say sobriety, what is that for you?

You have a program?

Do you have a program?

Sponsor steps. And do you... Has that been your spiritual zone?

Always been spiritual. Yeah. My parents were agnostic, so I took to it because it was almost like rebellion. Anything they were.

So I have always looked at mutual aid, 12-step, as a model for what should be going on. It doesn't have to be called that. It can be called anything you want. But the process of that, and it's interesting that honesty is at the forefront for you because that is the key ingredient in maintaining sobriety.

When you're drinking, you tend to deny and minimize and do all kinds of stuff.

Yeah, and it pulls you in a certain direction that you're now compensating for. Oh yeah, and people can count on me.

But it's back to something that I never thought I'd be talking about at this stage of my life. But you talked about being a man. But really what's out of that is courage. And this is a moment for courage in this country, it feels like. I've been saying that for a while. It is coming. I see it lighting up all over the place. That's good. And it takes courage to be honest.

It takes courage to talk about these topics and take whatever YouTube does to me and whatever. Yeah. Um, and it was, it was very back when Susan set this thing up and the dark hours of COVID, that was sort of the conceit was we're the kind of the French underground. And guess what? The French underground required a lot of courage. Those guys got consequences.

And welcome back, everybody. We have an outstanding show planned for you today. The great Jeff Dye is sitting next to me. You'll see him in mere moments. He's a nationally touring comedian, actor, appeared on a million television shows, comedy special, The Last Cowboy in LA, filmed in Nashville. Also, he was a host on The Masked Singer. He's been a Girl Code. Oh, there he is.

Uh, and, uh, my consequences were no near as lofty, but it still took a bit of, uh,

So at some point, I want to circle back to the books, and I'll just say it while I'm thinking of it right now. It's like, if you read Dostoevsky or Tolstoy, you've got it all.

It's depressing.

I never thought I'd cry listening to a book. Which one? I'm trying to think of the— Brothers Karamazov or something?

Ivan Ilyich?

That's rough.

That was how they died in the old days. And our history has been brutal.

Yep. So... I want to go to the fires a little bit here because Joe Pollard will be in a minute. Susan, I want you to listen to this too. I was trying to get my French language perfected, and so I listened to a lot of French media. There's a French radio outlet I listen to almost every day that is a – Talk radio, a little right-leaning talk radio, which in France is odd.

And so I got intrigued by it. And I heard them today telling the story of Adam Carolla applying for be a fireman. I was- Made it all the way over there. I was- I was like, oh my God. I kept listening to hear my story came on about YouTube. I think tomorrow they may be talking about this YouTube story because they're clearly watching us over here. And do you know Adam's story?

Oh, yeah.

He told me that story 20 years ago. This is not like a new story. 20 years ago I heard that story, maybe 30 years ago. And now it has more meaning in the shadows of what have happened here. What is your take on what went on here in Southern California during the fires?

When's that coming?

What was your takeaway? Did you have any kind of experience? I took some things away.

Can we invite us, please? I want to go see that live. That'd be so fun. Would that be in Nashville also? You don't know yet.

It's unbelievable that people, politicians behave as though they never said anything on a microphone or there's no way people could find these things. We find them like that now.

I think we're going to see he has trouble with stuff like that.

I agree. Listen, Karen Bass, I know exactly what I would have said. You know what? I took my eye off the ball. I should never have left town. It was a big mistake. It will never happen again. This whole situation is as catastrophic as you think it was, and it will never happen again.

It's Austin's. We were, you know, we were on your mom's house platform for, I did a show called Dr. After Dark there for four years, five years, something like that. And so we spent a lot of time in Austin. I love Austin. So we know that town well. Yeah, it's great.

And she's just staring there like some weird- It's like she's dissociating or something. It makes no sense. To me, it looked like, I can't read her mind, but my fantasy was that she's like, I'm the cool kid. I'm the good guy. I know. I went to Africa. You should like me. I'm doing good things. Thank God that seems to be over, that bullshit that people can hide behind.

I've been saying this for about seven years. You must govern. We need governing. The roads don't work. And by the way, here's the interesting thing about the fires. You don't hear complaints about Pasadena, right? We had a huge disaster here. Huge fire, yeah. You don't hear complaints because... This is the video of her looking at the crowd. Oh, yeah. Wow.

You didn't see this video? Yeah.

It does. And I'm grateful for the progress we have made. It seems like we've had some good things happen as a result of these efforts, but they have also just done horrible damage at the same time. Not because of anything other than taking their eye off the ball of being a governing, governing when people need government. Speaking of government, Joel Pollack is here.

Let me give Joel's particulars.

It says Jared, but it's Joel Pollack.

Well, the center of gravity of comedy kind of moved down there.

Exactly. Well, that's Joe. That's Joe and Tom and Christina. And they have that big festival, the Moonlight Festival or something? No, Moon Tower. Moon Tower, yeah.

Oh, my God. Is that a great festival? Yeah. So where'd you grow up?

So you know Mikhail's from up there.

And he played football for Washington.

He... So... So it's funny to me because I have the same relationship with him that you have with him. In other words, he used to come on Loveline and he said to us the early times he was on, early in his career, he goes, because I used to sit and watch and think to myself, if I could just get on this show, then I will have made it. Then I know I'm done. That's great.

some of the shortcomings here in the California and local governments as it pertains to the fires. Jeff and I live here locally, so we both have a ringside seat and all this. We'll have a lot to talk. We have a lot to get into today. We'll watch you over on the restream and also on the Rumble Rant. So we'll be back right after this.

And he obviously went on way beyond that. So good for you, John. So he's in that new show about the animal. And so Susan's recording. You know he's on a new show about an animal. I didn't.

It's a sitcom.

And again, it seems like the community people are distributed all over NBC right now.

He's doing great. He's doing great. And I have nothing but kudos to Joel and the nicest guy in the world. He's the best. Truly, truly nice guy in the world. Really good guy.

Everything. Just a great person. Another great comedic actor, I want you to think about Andrew Santino.

We just ran into him last week. And Andrew, I think, is quietly one of the best comedic actors I've ever seen. For me. Interesting. He just so quietly nails it every time he walks on a scene. I'm like, wow.

It's starting to get there for him. And are you doing more acting coming up?

But you did reality spoofing and you did- I love hosting.

Yeah, that's a myth. That is bullshit.

Exactly.

How did you get involved in the sort of prank stuff? How did you get interested in that?

But I want to know, is it Jamie Kennedy?

Okay, is it Candid Camera?

Okay.

Okay, so there it is.

There's always a origin story in comedy. It's interesting.

Well, and also I've heard you talk about the sort of the deprivation of your family of origin. Now, I've not heard about a bunch of sisters. How many sisters were there?

Our laws, as it pertains to substances, are draconian and bizarre. The psychopath started this. He was an alcoholic because of social media and pornography, PTSD, love addiction, fentanyl and heroin. Ridiculous. I'm a doctor for f***'s sake. Where the hell do you think I learned that? I'm just saying, you go to treatment before you kill people. I am a clinician.

What happened?

Her or not somebody else?

Oh, boy. Yeah, very tricky. Up north? It was in Oregon. Yeah. Was she an adult then?

Yeah, it was very sad. And that child doing okay now? Yeah, he's awesome.

So that's kind of fun. Nothing funnier than a sister being killed in a car accident.

But the deprivation intrigued me because I saw, I think you were talking about it on Corolla's show, on Corolla's podcast, maybe? I was talking about Tiger Belly the most, but do you not listen to that? I don't know where I saw, I do listen to Tiger Belly. I don't know where I saw this, but it intrigued me. Maybe in my head, I put Corolla in it because he also grew up deprivation.

there's another word. Let me think of it. Sort of impoverished. Okay. Like an impoverished upbringing. There was not a lot of familial richness and ritual and family emotion. It's just an empty set. That's exactly it. Parents that aren't into anything. Right.

Well, impoverishment has many different flavors to it, but I felt like yours and Adam's sounded very familiar to me. And what's interesting to me, I mean, I see what it did to him. You came out very social. He didn't want to do anything.

That's exactly what he got. But his was more on the sort of mechanical and all these other things. He wanted to race cars and do all these things. It feels like it's more social.

Filling that void that they left behind.

For those of you, let me look at the restream really quick. I'm sorry, guys. Oh, my restream didn't turn on. I can't help but get into people's stories. And so we'll talk politics and stuff in a minute. Yeah, thanks, Bolton Salt, pointing out that I'm old. Um, does the, um, does the emptiness that they left you with affect you in your romantic relationships?

I observe things about these chemicals. Let's just deal with what's real. We used to get these calls on Loveline all the time. Educate adolescents and to prevent and to treat. If you have trouble, you can't stop and you want help stopping, I can help. I got a lot to say. I got a lot more to say. I'm excited to bring you a new product, a new supplement, Fatty. I take it. I make Susan take it.

Right.

Well, because sometimes people go, well, I'm, I keep hooking up with, I keep finding, you know, birds to fix or I keep finding, or I become the one that tracks that.

Well, there are theories that if you objectify too much, it's rage. It's actually a rage underneath that. Really? That's fascinating.

It converts. You're not experiencing it. It's all way far away. Interesting, yeah. So the way we came to know you most, though, was through Gutfeld. Yeah. Although I've seen you everywhere and all this other stuff, but I feel like I... I don't know. I feel like we were sharing a project with that one. Absolutely. Because I've been going on Gutfeld since he was on Red Eye. And for me...

And I saw Greg's talent early and often, and of course, Kat and Tyrus. I was like, oh my God, these guys are geniuses of a certain type. And Kat has become a good friend, and she had her wedding at our house and stuff. Oh, nice. That's a really good friend. We're close with all of them.

I don't have any family.

Well, you get sort of drawn into the mutual project, you know, as you're working on the same thing together. But I think I told you off the air that I had early said, you know, I think this is a five-day-a-week show, and it turned out to be such. And... Your stuff there, I look forward to all the time. It's really good.

But I was surprised to see you on the show when you first got there because there's a certain amount of risk going on the show, right? And for me, here, let me tell you my story really quick and then you tell me yours. Mine was, I used to do all news, everything, just news. You have something to say, they needed some expert, I'd go on the news.

Whether it was MSNBC or CNN, Today Show, The View, I did The View a hundred times or whatever. And you just go on these shows and you speak... Good for the brand. Jenny, if you don't forget, Jenny McCarthy was one of the View panel members. I didn't know that. She asked me on for her birthday and a few other things. But anyway, over the years, I did these things a million times.

And then all of a sudden, the Trump presidency happens and things get weird. Now, in there... My show on HLN, I was on CNN HLN every night, and my show got canceled. I made some comments on the radio that Breitbart misrepresented. It ended up freaking out CNN. I was no longer welcome on CNN. It wasn't even what I said. It just freaked them out.

So I thought, all right, well, I'll just do other shows. All of a sudden... Nothing. You can't say anything. And then COVID hit. And I urge caution with some of the excesses of COVID. Lockdowns, masks, vaccines. Just kind of let's look at these things. How dare you? You want to kill people.

He holds a really unique position. I would say popular consciousness, but for dudes in general, a lot of dudes, I've talked to other people about this, People have a part of your brain that while you're showering, it just goes into a mode where it's like, well, Joe, let me tell you about this. And you start practicing what you would say. Oh, yeah. Joe Rogan.

It's like Apollo descending upon you, and you're like, holy shit, dude. More like Xerxes. You think Xerxes?

I still get kind of... For real, I get a little shuddered. He's awesome. Yeah, it makes me happy. He's jacked, dude. He's getting more... Every time I think I've gotten a little jacked, I see him like a month later. I'm like, fuck.

Oh, yeah.

You touch him, you go, what the hell? But he is, for sure, an absolute power broker. And it is tough to not let that sway your interaction.

Yeah.

I can be like, and then I'm fucking my wife, and they can see.

Yeah, actually, I saw the archery range. I sat in front of the bullseye and let him shoot an apple off my head. No, I'm kidding.

No, I didn't do that. That would be sick, though.

I don't think... Lemaire, you're cooking with a lot of them, man. And they're good. I think they're good, though. Every now and again, just dumb questions.

So you're a big baseball guy. Yeah. What did you play baseball until?

Yeah, I wasn't great. What was your position? High school baseball is pretty serious.

Yeah, it's fun.

Yeah. Yeah. And jacked. There's, like, people a decade younger than me that can just beat the fuck out of them.

I would fuck Aaron Judge up with my gun, dude. True, but it's like, yeah, but still, if you hesitate for one second, if he closes the distance.

If he closes the distance.

What's up, kid? Where you at? You awake? I'm going to come through. Where the hell are you at? Yeah, it is nice, though. I get blown away when people are like, hey. I'm like, what the fuck? Hey, what's going on, man?

So he's been playing for a long time.

Baseball players are sleepers, bro. A lot of baseball players are pretty handsome.

Yeah. I do. For a while, I stopped doing stand-up for a while and I came back and I noticed I was aping the double hand. Oh, for sure. So then I used to have like a power like PC principle, just one hand right here. And I've gotten back to that, where one hand's by my side, and I just kind of move around with this hand.

He just got off and was like, fuck, let me check my Instagram.

After the NBA games, there's tons of whores. It's amazing. It's kind of a cool life, though. It'd be like a professional sports groupie and just... Dude. Kind of nice.

You're just lined up like Ubers at the airport. Not a good shelf life, though. Yeah, yeah, true, true, true.

Yeah.

Do you think that was kind of a Machiavellian kind of ploy on her part to be like, I got you?

Like a flex. Yeah, like, bro, don't get comfortable, man.

I'm getting exquisite pipe.

What's William Morris? What is it?

Oh, wow, yeah. For a second, I thought it was like a law firm.

I was thinking it was one of the big five accounting firms.

They should hook you up with the tickets.

Yeah, that is kind of nuts to slowly be like, ah, motherfucker.

Were you wrapping it up? Not to ask too much details. Were you going raw dogging? I just want to know how close your guys' kinship is.

It's not my style.

I was like, shh. No, no, no, no.

The opposite. So you guys are for real length.

Yeah, condoms are crazy, dude. I can't do it. Any adults who use them, I'm kind of like... Ridiculous. The fuck? I do think it is weird. We just started giving them to kids, like, I was in the early 90s.

I, like, just looked into the condom program recently, because I was trying to, like, get to the bottom of, like, just, like, where the party, especially, like, the left just went, like, kind of, like, a little weird. And it's, like, whatever. It was, like, a response, apparently, to the AIDS, HIV thing.

So I was trying to figure out, like, where, when, like, at what point did, like, you know, go from, like, Bill Clinton to, like, it is now. And I didn't, I didn't, I can't answer that question. I just got distracted on the school condom program. I'm like, oh yeah, dude, that was crazy.

Apparently they said I read a book about it's called Chasing the Scream by I forget the guy's name. But he what he said worked is when you do not just the needles, but they have to go to a center and you also give them the clean tested heroin. And it takes away all of the other like thrilling aspects where it's like, I got to buy heroin. I do this. Well, so you like you really here's free heroin.

It's you know, it's almost a prescription. It's like such a little amount. You mass produce it. And then while they're doing it, you're like, so, how's this working out for you? And it's like, it takes away all of the stuff.

The program sucks, dude. There's more homeless than ever. They don't do it here. They did it in, I think, London before, and it actually curbed heroin use. Oh, God, I wish they'd do it. Giving just needles is kind of like, eh, it's like... Lazy. It's

yeah it's like it's whatever but it's like if you if you legalize a hero when it takes away from the black market sales yeah and then you have them in a center and he's like they've done studies that works to reduce the number of a overdoses by far and b people just they stop because

I'm scared to touch that part of the microphone.

I could never do it. I knew somebody who was working with homeless people, and I was like, that would be... Because there's no, it'd be like, you know, the progress would be few and far between.

That's the connection. Yep, I choke up right around. I guess it's called the head of the microphone.

Yeah, nobody else. They need to die for sure. Yeah, it's one of those things you're like, nobody is like, oh, sweet. And you see it and you're like, fuck, dude, this is such a bummer.

I've seen who are homeless adjacent where I'm like, you're definitely not homeless, but these are kind of your bros and you're slowly, I think, becoming homeless. So there is like a pajama pants phase everyone goes through where you're kind of like just leaving your house and hanging with homeless people before you get totally sucked into it.

You're not succeeding enough. I hang around two toddlers constantly. That's bullshit. You are. Yeah. They do kind of open up your eyes to some sweet shit, though. Yeah. We found our, like, sprinkler system went off and made, like, a little river, and we got to, like, I just watched them play in that thing. I'm like, this is kind of cool.

They're kind of cool to, like, yeah. She's like, the water's... She was going to, like, a crack in the sidewalk, and she was just like, this is a river. I'm like, yeah, it's not a fucking river, but I'm like... I can see why you're kind of obsessed with this.

So when you get hammered at Disneyland, are you like, are you trying to like pick up babes or like?

Yeah. Fuck. Yeah, dude, I will say bringing little kids to Disney World is one of the most tiring. For sure. It's like an internet joke of training for Disney World with kids because you have to carry them. You will end up walking six miles or just getting blazed in the sun.

That's what I'm saying.

At Disney World, there are plenty of fat people.

You're just going to walk for eight hours. Disneyland is beautiful, and it's in California, too. But, like, you hit Disney World in Florida, there are fats, bro.

Fat people, you can be hammered there. Yeah, you can be hammered. You can be as fat as you want. You can not move a muscle all day. You can get hammered on a mobility chair. Oh, I didn't even think about the mobility chairs. You can ride your mobility chair right to a little boat, and it ferries you across under literally the Magic Kingdom.

Yeah, there was plenty of fats walking around there. I wanted to ask, because some of the rides, I'm like, dude, if you're too big to fit on this, what the fuck do they do?

Are you too fat for this fight?

holding the fucking mic i don't know what to do with this other hand two two hands when i'm like really dying if i feel like i'm dying on stage i'll throw that other hand on the mic just kind of like come on guys but yeah i um dude so you did it you did a bunch of uh you were with the campaign with trump what was it what was that like talking how well how how many people were there wait firstly congratulations i've never felt better

And we're live. Jeff Dye, thank you for joining the podcast. Thanks for having me. Dude, I'm telling you, standing podcasts are the future. This is it. Enough of the sitting. Enough sitting and talking. I think it's just podcasters are getting lazy. I agree. Podcasts are more important than ever, dude. After this election. Nailed it.

He can't ride. He's too fat.

Yeah. If you're a kid and you're too fat for the ride, they should just make you go get a job. You're done school. You're not a child anymore. You should join the army. They should be like, all right, you're in the army now.

His own ride. Dude, they got to do something, man. They got to cut it somewhere. It's like, dude, I fly every now and again. I'll fly Southwest if I can't get a direct flight. And I try to pay the extra so I can get in that first seat so I can sit in the very front.

Sometimes I will.

Dude, sometimes I'm on Southwest. I do. I do. I'm a man of means. It is weird that I'm every now and again flying. But if you get that front seat, it's so good. So I'm like, all right, I pay the extra buck so I can be A1 through 3. I'm going to get the front seat. And then every now and again, I'll be watching. I'm like, all right, you're in a wheelchair. Obviously, I'm not saying anything to you.

Then it'll just be a fat guy will get ahead of me on medical pre-board. And I just want to be like, dude.

You're just fat. You better not take that front seat. And I know you will because you're fat. And you'll definitely want the extra space. And they just fuck me out of the front seat. I'm always like, motherfucker.

Do you rock the stool at all on stage? Never. Me either, bro.

Dude, here's the thing. If you have a family, I can see that. You have strollers, all this shit. If you're in a wheelchair, whatever you got to do, go down there. If you're like an old person with a cane, for sure. Every now and again, I'll just see you like, and I'm not trying to be a dick. It'll just be a fat loser. Right. It'll be like a guy who's like standing there in a monster energy shirt.

I'm like, bro, you get the fuck out of here.

Why would you get, like... I'll give... Missing arms, you go right ahead. I'll give everyone that. There's just dudes who are just, like, medical pre-board. I'm like, where, dude? Show me your ailment. Call of duty.

I got a fucking three, dude. If I miss that front seat, I'm going to freak out. Just a big fat guy's like, I got the sugar.

That takes a long time. Yeah, I saw this guy recently and I was trying, I always try to figure out like, what's your medical condition? Oh, yeah. Unfortunately, I was like, damn, that guy's just such a loser. I know. When also, have you seen this happen? It sounds mean. It sounds mean, but he got a medical grade. The doctor was like, dude, you're fucking losing, dude.

It's over for you. It's like, just get on the plane, man.

I've never felt better. True, man.

Yeah, true. So that's conflicting.

I didn't even know they did that. Because usually they ask you, like, are you okay? Oh, yeah, Southwest is whatever. They're trying to get that exit row. Did you ever save a seat on Southwest for somebody when the plane comes on?

Something kind of welled up in me.

He was like, oh, I'm going to get somebody. He chirped at me for sure. I get spazzed out when people hog up the overhead. The one that just put it in, just walk him, was kind of like, that's exactly where I'm sitting.

That'll chat my ass. But, yeah, I've been trying to chill on planes, though. You can. There's so many battles. Yes. With, like, lining up. It's like... Try to line up. Someone comes from this way.

I know.

Or people just do the masses. Like, you'll get, like, it'll get people and it'll just be like, people hit the horizontal line. And then it'll just become a crowd. And then it's like, well, I don't want to be like, excuse me, and, like, edging in.

Six is life or death because then you want to be the very first person in six because only one of you is going to get overhead space.

So that's where the battle comes in. But yeah, it just turns into a clusterfuck.

They've gotten so mean, dude.

I don't know. I was on there recently, and my wife on a morning flight snapped her nail on accident, like fucked it up. And she just asked. The lady was busy doing stuff. She said, hey, when you get a minute, can I get a Band-Aid? Like, no rush, blah, blah, blah. And the lady's like, I'll have to go to the back. And she was like. Whatever you need. Okay. Well, you know, take your time.

You know, get the plane seated. This isn't like bleeding or anything. And the lady was just like heavy sigh, does her thing. And then after the plane was all seated, I was like, yo, can I get that Band-Aid, please? Very nicely. Where the fuck's our Band-Aid? Dude, she literally went... And then walked to the back to get the Band-Aid. And I was like, whoa, dude, what was all that about?

Fuck. I've heard they don't get paid until the brake gets released and the plane moves backwards.

Yeah. Some of them are nasty, especially during COVID. That was kind of tough. Oh, it drives me crazy. That was tough. That was annoying. Now that COVID's not happening and they're not letting you get that breath of fresh air through your nose, I'm like, whatever. I'm putting it all behind us.

Oh, dude, it was the best. They knew what they were doing, too. You're a handsome, tall man.

I'll leave it closed and there's two extra, you know. Yeah, they don't need to do that. I don't understand. I guess they're like repeating the same scenario over and over, but they still don't have to. I don't understand why TSA does that. It's like, dude, I'm right here. I don't know the rules.

Why are you mad at her? She doesn't fly that often. But I'm telling you, when you're a flight attendant, you have to wake up And you're in like a queue. It's like you just have to wake up. You're in a queue. I think you just stand at the airport until your number gets called. And then you go work.

Yeah. So you wake up and you're just like chilling. And then they're like, bam. I think if you have like seniority, they'll call you like, you know, you're going in. But there's a lot of them who are like, just like, I don't know if I'm going to get to work today. Bam, they pull your number, and you're rushing to the flight. You're getting there.

You've got to do all this shit, and then if it gets delayed at all, you're just standing there for 45 minutes on the runway. If he doesn't back up, as soon as the door closes and they release that brake, then your clock starts getting paid. That would piss me off.

If I was at work and I had to do all that shit and I didn't get paid, everyone who didn't sit down, I'd be like, will you sit the fuck down?

This is very true. You're totally right. But in terms of hot chicks and gay guys, I guess, it's got to be devastating. To be a hot chick with an annoying job has to suck.

That's technically the best hot chick job because they can fly anywhere for free. Yeah, but dude, it ages a man. It's so hot that they're in the sky, but it fucks you up. If you fly that much, it's going to fucking drain your life force.

Pretty much. You're up high. It's fucking with your blood circulation. You're all gassy. They're just looking for a husband. You definitely got to suck the pilot's suit.

No. Recently, I made the switch, yes, to answer your question. Unbelievable. To the point now where, again, if I'm flying with my wife, she'll be like, did you just fart? I'm trying to have a conversation. I'm like, will you shut the fuck up?

Even to me, I'm like, look, don't worry about that.

So now I take shits on the plane. Oh, nice. If I'm farting, I just go and I just take a dump on the plane. I think it's the right thing to do. Because I'm not like a gassy guy. Oh, I am. But when I'm flying... You start to fart.

And a boner. You have a boner and you're farting the entire time.

But if I catch myself... If I do more than like... Well, you know, if I have like one or two farts, whatever. But if I catch myself like repeating it every like 10 minutes and I'm like, I'll just get up and take a shit. And it like... It's kind of harrowing to like go in there and sit down. There's like a lady on like the other side of the wall who's just huffing and puffing over coffee cups.

You're sitting there like... It is weird. Shitting next to her butt. I like that little bathroom though on the airplane. Dude, I've gotten used to shitting in them and it's kind of... I kind of like them honestly. It's cozy. It's cozy. You're boxed in. You know what you're doing. It's just all business.

I don't know if you know about his work. What is this idea that Republicans... Forget about all of our grandparents, dude. Abraham Lincoln was Republican.

I can't imagine because I'm only like 5'10". I'm in those airplane bathrooms. I feel like fucking Alice in Wonderland. I have a lot of cousins who are your height, like 6'5", 6'6". And I'm like... How the fuck do they even enter the store?

Oh, shitting might be impossible for you. You might not be able to shit in there.

I walked in on somebody one time. They didn't lock the door. I walked in on a young, young lady who I believe had just gotten her period.

And I walked in and she went, ah! And I just slammed it shut. I had to flood it, then it grilled me like, you fucking pervert. I had to be like, dude, I just opened the door. It's not my fault it's hot. I just... So I just opened the fucking door and then she was like, she came to her senses and was like, yeah, actually that's kind of on her. And it was, it was a big deal, bro.

She left a fucking glob of toilet paper. Oh, that's what I had to come out. Cause I followed her up and I had to come out and be like, someone's got a tail. That wasn't me by the way. Yeah. I'd be like, yo, I didn't do that. Uh, there's a bit of a situation over there. And it was like a big deal. And like another girl made a big stink about it. And like, dude, it was, I felt bad for a little girl.

Cause another girl came out after me. It was like,

ew someone got their period in the bathroom and I was just sitting there like holy fuck dude that sucks that's rude that was rude but she was a young girl you got your period in the bathroom ew someone just got her period in there and I was like that'd be hilarious if they're like Matt had his period in there true I didn't throw it I didn't throw it I could've been like a hammer I could've been like a popped hemi I didn't want to get like this guy doesn't fucking have like an open sore yeah I just wanted to come out and be like by the way I went to the ladies like that was not me what a legend exactly

It made it sound rad. You could. It is fucking rad. Yeah, that guy's got fucking nasty hemorrhoids. Like, nope, that was a young girl getting her period. I just popped a hemi, dude. I sleep on a plane. We've both popped hemis before. It's not good. Oh. I don't even know what a hemorrhoid is.

Yeah. Oh, yeah?

Dude, imagine if a thing just, you know, your buttholes, you know, a perfect little butthole, you got to poop out of it. Yeah.

it's clear everything's fine imagine if just something grew in front of that is that what it is yeah well that's there's different types of hemorrhoid but the thing we both got the same one where it's just like just like some part of your asshole just balloons full of like a inflamed kind of thing like a nerve or something sinus tract it's a sinus tract in your asshole yeah sinus tract is there a way to avoid this like is there something you did that don't push don't push too hard

It's not a seat.

I was straining a little bit. And the number one is don't sit on the toilet and fuck around for a long period of time.

Yeah, so I would sit there.

Okay, I mean, I hear your logic, but I do think when you go, those guys are all the slaves, it's kind of racist.

See, I like to read. I'll sit there and read a book. I'll read on my phone.

The shit break, for real, is serious. And it's like you both police each other. Value time. You don't want to go back because you're sitting there like, I got to shit. And you're just free. Because it's like you're at a job all the time. So then you're like, I got to shit. And my wife is like, I got to shit. And you're just like, you mother fucker. And I'll be like.

Don't be fucking around on your phone. Come right back. I know she's fucking around on her phone. Because you know what you do. Because I do. It's perfect. Don't be fucking around on your phone. You know, you start being like, are you almost done? You know, you start kind of being like, you know, give her 10 minutes max. You're like, all right, let's go.

I have a cute, she'll be like, are you done up there? And I'm like, yeah, I'm done right now.

Excellent or whatever. Especially if you're reading a book, I'll get like engrossed in it. You just forget. You're just like, damn, this is awesome. And all of a sudden, I'm just like, oh shit, I got down there. But.

Dude, I got that one, and I was in school. I went to school for social work years ago in 2020, which was kind of fun. But I remember I had to go to a test, and I had to jam. I think it popped, but I was worried. Oh, no. Well, I was waiting for it to pop, and so I had to put toilet paper between my ass cheeks because I had to do something that day in front of the class. A little man pond. Exactly.

It really was. Did you get the smell? No. I think it popped at home, and I don't remember getting the smell. Hey, guys, let me tell you something real quick. I'm sorry to just break in on an awesome time like this, but guys, you got to know this. PrizePix is the best place to get real money sports action. Join over 10 million users and sign up today.

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I agree. I think it is. Some people like the stool. Some people like the stool. I could never. I couldn't even. Some people love the stool. Some people love the stool. But I couldn't imagine sitting like that, you know? It also seems so arrogant when a comic sits down. Yeah. But it can play. It can play well.

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Yeah, that's... It is a treat. That's a nice one. Guys, it's a treat. Helps you celebrate. Helps you express yourself. Helps you take a break. That is amazing. Talk about what game slash activity I'd play with friends. Guys, I don't know why they keep making me talk about this. This is like my deep personal life. But me and my friends, we all take the bottle. And I hide it.

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There are a lot of... One thing at a time. True. There are still a lot of slaves in the world. Like I said, if you're getting upset, there's a lot of slavery.

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But third world countries, it's not slavery. It's just there's just not enough money. So everyone's a slave by default.

I figured, like, I'm at the age.

My asshole's fucked up. I've never had a dry asshole. I'm more of a humid guy.

Like they would pay those guys. They'll take the job. They're like five cents a day. Please. There's just no money. So it's like they're just slaves by default. Although some of them are probably honestly slaves. If you're like a factory guy in the third world. You could probably have, like, a head stash of slaves and just be like, yo, go in there with my paid workers.

What was the, what was the. Just holding your dick.

I fucked my ass up, Tom.

I have one job to keep my ass all right.

Fuck it up.

You're like, my whole fucking life's over.

I had a show. Yeah, I had a show. So I was getting eczema. I didn't realize it was eczema. And it fucking hit my dick. So the problem was it was like it was around that area. So I started just I thought it was ringworm. So I was just bombing it with like a treatment cream. And I fucked I wrecked my dick for like two months and it was just dry and red. It's a terrible feeling.

And I had to go to it. Finally, I was like, fuck, I need to do an urgent care. And I go in and it was first the nurse had to look at just my shriveled, tiny red. I was like, all right, I did that. I'm like, whatever. I think I had showed a dermatologist earlier who had no idea. I think the dermatologist.

Oh, you did? Yeah, I had a family. So I'm like, it was terrible. But I had to. So I do that. I go to the urgent care. A nurse looks at it. Like, oh, let me bring someone in. Dude, the biggest black guy I've ever met in my life. I swear to God. He's like, I got to take a look at that. I was like, OK. It was him and then two nurses because they were arguing whether it was ringworm or something else.

And then so it's just this dude and just two ladies that I'll be like, well, having like, I don't think it's that like. I'm just sitting there using democracy. Let's take a vote. But then eventually I went to that like nothing came of that. They gave me whatever. Then I had to go to a dermatologist. They were the ones who prescribed the steroid ointment.

They were like, no, this is it's not what this is at all. And then they cleared up.

I mean, dude, it was itchy and dry, but my dick. And it was, dude, it was like go away and flare up and go away. It was just kind of like, it was shit I was eating, I think. And then the dermatologist was also a beautiful woman. And just had to like, and I had to go back and be like.

You get a test, and then if you don't have anything, I don't have anything.

Oh, that makes sense. You took a break and then came back.

There's a lot. There's still a lot of slaves. Sex slaves?

Yeah.

Well, that's the thing. She's like, bro, your body count is high as hell.

All they need to know is, like, did you ever have sex before? And they go, all right, well, check your dick. Yeah, because I said zero. If you were a girl, there's no way they would do that. If you were a girl, and they're like, how many people do you have sex with? That'd be kind of, like, offensive for girls.

You should have been like, I only eat pussy. So I don't know. Whatever that counts as.

Yeah, only. I haven't been to the doctor in years. I can't wait to go back and answer the hard questions. Dude, I was pissed. I'm going to tell them I do crystal meth. I'm like, yeah, I do crystal meth.

Or if it's like, you know, you give blood. Like, have you had sex with a man in Africa after 1975? Just be like, oh, yeah.

Run that twice. Put it in the center. That's huge. Yeah, I want to go back to the doctor and just while out.

Wait, so to get into Africa, you got to be, like, a virgin? Or you got to be like, I've never fucked anyone from this country?

That's fucked up, though, because no other country is like, have you fucked anyone from here before? It is, because they asked you that on blood tests. Like, have you fucked somebody from Africa in 19... Yeah, that's a racist question.

If you're going to give your blood, they're like...

You're fucking an African man in 1975?

Yeah, I've been to the doctor in such a long time. I stopped going around COVID.

They got real pushy and I was just kind of like... Every time I go there, they're like, oh, your cholesterol looks good. And I'm like, man, fucking I don't care about that.

I believe that. Yeah, well, I'm going to try to find one that I like. Just like, dude, run my blood. Look for stuff that's actually important. Right. Like, I don't give a fuck.

They got caught last. Last. For real. It is totally devastating.

Everybody. They account for that. When they ask you about drinking, they kind of, like, triple it, usually, or double it.

That'll do it. I'm actually... 20-year bender. I kind of keep them on the outs about everything. I'm like, nah. Oh, really? I don't really drink that much, but I'm always just like, I don't... What the fuck? You don't need to know this.

Yeah, even like, do you smoke weed? I'm like... Actually, lately I've been like, yeah. Sometimes. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I get high and I freak the fuck out. You guys like weed? You guys good at it? Yeah. I was, and then recently it's been like kind of, well, it's been like a back and forth thing. It's like Russian roulette.

Every now and again I can have like an amazing time, and then I can just have like the most harrowing afternoon where I'm just freaked out.

My heart's just racing.

Some people can smoke weed and do nothing.

It can happen. The people can burn out. I think... I mean, our founding fathers smoked weed. Definitely not a patriot. But the... They probably did good things, then they smoked weed. No way, dude. Here's the thing. The weed's gotten too strong. I agree. It's gotten way too strong, and it's like, I have found, I like to get, it's called type 2 cannabis. It's half CBD, half THC. It's chill.

If you smoke dabs and stuff, I do think that kind of can fuck people up. Interesting. There are some people that can do it that are lawyers.

No, but here's the thing. It is fair because there is... For me, it does fuck up productivity. I have to wait until I'm done everything. If I'm like, I'm going to smoke weed and get creative and write, I'll just go for a walk. And the kids fall off the balcony and you're like, oh, sorry.

The dabs were where I kind of, there was like, I smoked weed since I was little and then there was the dabs and that's where I was like, I stopped. I was like, that's too much. When the dudes just like blast the thing on a, did you ever see that?

I'm claiming I'm Christian.

I watched that occur and I was like, that's too much.

But I will say smoking a little bit of weed and watching a movie is the best. Going to the movies and smoking weed is the best.

I will say that does help. I will say if you smoke weed while you're not doing anything, for me, I'll bug out sometimes. And then it's like, I'm just like, why did I do this? I'm bugging out. But if I have a task, I will still be bugging out, but I'll be so engrossed in the thing, it can have like an energizing effect.

Who ended slavery? Who chased other ships down? Abe, dude, our boy.

Where I'm like kind of bugging, where I'm like, I got to get this done. I just kind of ride out the physical discomfort. But it is one of those things where you smoke weed. I got to the point where I'd be like, why am I high right? I don't even enjoy this. I would just be high and like freaking out and thinking about stuff that I would forget instantly. And I'd be like, why do I like this?

And then you just freak out about that. And it's like, so I do agree.

Yeah, this is not for me.

And all of that's bullshit, too. They're so, like, mixed together now, too. And they're like, dude, no. Like, there's, like, you're more of this. And if you have now, it's like the ultimate, like, well, terpene probably doesn't. Now, like, you need more humaline.

what was it scotch you were drunk on scotch yeah yeah it is it is one of those things where it's like I've been smoking weed since I was like 14 I like it but it's like as I've gotten older it's become less and less and I used to be high all day really for years oh my dude you were like a rapper Pretty much. Yeah. Yeah, I was just high, and I was also selling weed, just stoned all the time.

I was a lot like a rapper. You were in the market, dude. I was a lot like a rapper, but it is weird. I will say there's a point when you smoke weed and you're younger, and it's like before you have stuff to bug out about as much, you feel like you're on the limitless drug. Really? You're just kind of like, dude, I'm so fucking smart. Then you forget it all, though.

You go home, and you're literally like, what the fuck was I thinking about? But there was like a four-year period of my life that I was high all the time selling weed, and I was like, dude, I might be the smartest guy ever.

I love mushrooms.

Mushrooms, I think, are greater than weed, I would say.

What did you do? What was your mushroom experience? Like, what did you do?

Did you like camp in there?

You guys were glamping.

And then walked across the street to our hotel. I'm a glamping guy myself, dude. I kind of, I enjoy, you know, give me an indoor.

Me either.

I've never done it either, honestly. It's overrated. Is it? Yeah. It's overrated? You got to sleep in a tent and shit in the ground. I would rather be outside all day and then hit like a yurt.

Yeah.

But, yeah, I swear to God, the British, like, Mexico stopped slavery, but they didn't, like, get ships and, like, chase slave ships around the fucking ocean. Like, Britain, like, persecuted it. But I also think it could have been, like, we're stopping slaves

We would put a tent in my backyard and sleep back there. It doesn't count. I have two daughters, so I'm waiting to see if either of them want to go camping. My wife has no interest in it at all.

My wife's black from Chicago. She does not want to camp whatsoever. But my daughters... The white side of them might whisper to you. Yeah, might crave it. Let's leave them.

What was the project?

They go down low. I was just going off. There's a ton of gay black dudes. Oh, well, they're all in Atlanta, too.

I'm just going off the Bravo Network. Yeah. Bravo Network is just gay black guys in Atlanta on every show.

It's the best city, dude. Damn. So that's where homo thugs go to have sex with men on the low, Atlanta? Yeah.

Yeah, they're not going to give it, man.

People were interested about it for like 30 minutes. Well, Stephen Hawking's was a revelation. That was crazy. That was a big one. David Copperfield.

David Copperfield.

I know. That didn't change anything. The Diddy Party stuff, everyone was going, well, I was there, but I left at 3 a.m. After I leave, that's whenever. It's like, A, how do you know? B. So no one's going to care. It's also kind of bullshit, in my opinion, to be like if you're in the 90s getting freaky as hell.

You're getting accused now. It's like, dude, the 90s were genuinely totally different. So it's one of those things where it's like, yeah, it's like it sucks, but it's also like.

It's a leverage of power.

Anthony Kiedis, in his book, he was like, he had sex with a 16 or 17, but he wrote it. It's like, I feel like when people tell on themselves, you're like, all right, bro.

Yeah, it's like, fuck, dude, that's a sick story.

Hardly racial at all. Yeah, definitely.

Oh, so I gave quaaludes to a girl. There's also an aspect. You think Cosby's bad? Check out my book. I think there is an aspect to it depends on what you have. Like if you if you're in command of like like an important cultural job that other people want, there's more of an uproar around your misdeeds than if you like don't really have much going on.

Yeah.

They're going, oh, shit, this is... Well, he also, like... He was also, like, not only that, but apparently, according to all, like, the court stuff, he would, like... Like, imagine if I brought you in here and I was just like, oh, dude, this would be a sick podcast. And the whole time during breaks, I was just, like, goosing you. He was, like, doing that.

But then being, like... But then holding, like, a genuine, like, you know, like, I'm going to give you a million dollars to produce this project.

Oh, fuck yeah. But then the whole time, he'd be, like... I know. Spreading you open. Like, let me see that chapped little fucking... It is weird.

And you're like, that was his real problem. It wasn't even just the gay freaky stuff. It was like, I mean, that is obviously for sure. Nobody likes that at all. But it's like, especially talking about like the black community. It's like, yeah, you can't don't fuck around. They don't fuck around about gay stuff at all.

And it was like the power of being like basically holding someone prisoner.

Then I'll enter this into the equation. You're going to the parties. He's like, you're getting blown. He's hooking you up. It's crazy. And then at the end of it, you know, he slept a little something in your drink and then he just fucking started goosing you. You're like, boy, what the fuck?

Yeah, true. It's kind of going away now, though. I feel like people don't really. I think it might have been kind of heightened during the election because it was kind of like shame on the libs.

That was lib shame. Epstein was like a little everyone was calling that, but the Diddy stuff was kind of like shame on the libs.

It does suck. There's no closure on it. It's just kind of like, yeah, that guy was raping kids. Anyway, back to work, everybody.

Everyone would have went. Every single person who's being, like, fucking weird bullshit, if they had gotten invited in 1997, I'd still go today.

Maybe, yo, maybe start throwing... Keep it alive.

It's been great. You're off the sauce.

It's been amazing. It's one of those things that is everywhere, but once you don't do it, you're like... Oh, my God. It's great for you. Everyone else has a problem. They go, like, what the fuck is your problem?

Why are they called the Log Cabin? I don't know. Lincoln. Lincoln Logs? Yeah, maybe. Lincoln Logs?

Yeah. Yeah.

But if I was old, Jeff, we would have definitely been... Well, you'd have been so hammered that, yeah, you would have gotten drunk and been like, that is such a tricky one, man. They're like... Drunk women were like boons back in the day. What a glorious bounty. Why did the universe provide me? Now you're like... Yeah, it's like, dude, get the fuck away from me.

Yeah. It's like I have to be responsible for both of us? Dude, someone's got to do it.

That's how I look at it. It's like, yeah, dude, you shouldn't be that drunk.

Especially if you're a girl. It's like, yeah, you should in theory just be like, let me get you home later. You seem pretty inebriated. A lot of bad guys out here.

It is bullshit. That's the thing. Somebody's got to pull their pants up.

Slug cabin.

That's why it's a sin to be that drunk. I know. You should be punished for that. Somebody else touched you, dude. This all took a real turn here.

You shouldn't get that drunk. It's unbecoming of anyone.

As a woman, it's understandable. As a guy, it's like, yeah, it's completely ridiculous to be that drunk. I know. But no, it is crazy.

We're both blacked out and I go to jail. Right. It's crazy. It is bullshit. That is the rules. But I'm just trying to take dudes to the next level right now. It's beautiful. You shouldn't be that. No one should be that drunk.

it's an absolute sin you shouldn't be that drunk you know or you should you should always be have your wits you know with that's where coffee came uh that's like coffee caught on in america because it was like a total counterpoint to alcohol interesting because alcohol was so prevalent in everyday everyday life where like the water quality wasn't great so you would just chug like a pint of ale and go hit the farm wow and then people started being like dude alcohol is bullshit and they started drinking like people didn't know the numbers on coffee so they'd have like nine cups of coffee a day yeah

And just coffee shops. Europe must be pissed about that espresso martini.

Yeah, dude. No, even in America, you would like coffee shops before computers. You would drink like 12 espressos and just stand there and be like, I'm from Michigan. I'm in the lumber company. And you would network with other just jacked up entrepreneurs.

Yeah. I'm going to fuck you up. I'm off caffeine. Off of that? Totally off of caffeine. I think that's harder to get rid of than alcohol. I would say 1,000%. I would much rather get crushed coffee early in the morning than drink any day of the week. I fucking love caffeine. But I'm sensitive to it.

So do I. I drink decaf, so I'll drink totally decaf coffee. I started drinking raw milk recently. Real milk? Raw milk. What is raw milk? Raw milk is when they don't pasteurize it. How do you get that? Get it from a farmer. You've got to sign up in Texas. Google, brother. In Texas, you just Google.

We have one at Farmer's Market, but you have to order it a week before because you can't buy it on the spot. Dude, I'm not lying. I don't care about raw milk. I never cared. I was like, let me just try it because I was curious. I heard it helps with dairy intolerance.

Dude, I started drinking this four days ago. I feel amazing. Really? And I looked it up because I was like, what the fuck's in this shit? Yeah. All the vitamins. It's a complete food. All the vitamins and minerals they have. I think if you took a vitamin, raw milk has every single thing in that vitamin. They have vitamin A, B, blah, blah, blah. There's a couple they don't have a lot of.

And every mineral, and it's all wildly bioavailable. How are you drinking this shit?

I make decaf coffee, and I pour a ton of raw milk in there. And, dude, I swear to God, I'm not making this up. Whatever. I feel amazing. Really? I'm sleeping better. It's insane. It apparently has like hormone effects. It does all kinds of shit.

Yeah, he has nice... You know what I do, though? I go... When I go away for the weekend, I'll go food shopping, get a rotisserie chicken and some fruit.

True, true, true. But no, I'm telling you, dude, get on the Royal Milk Train, dude. Yeah, I'll check it out. You could probably get it in L.A. Oh, for sure, dude. I want someone else to drink this shit because it's like, I can't believe how good. It's a superfood. It is, dude. It is, although it is tied to, we talked about this on the Patreon thing, it's tied to neo-Nazis.

So you can't like, apparently milk has like connections to like white supremacy due to like the legend that like the ancient Aryans were the only people who could digest Aryan.

My friend was like, you got to be careful. They're all milk. It's like Nazi stuff. And I was like, how? And he explained it to me. I'm like, fuck, dude, that sounds so fucking cool. But also, it's ridiculous. It's crazy.

Oh, God, I don't want to drink water because they... Well, there's been articles written about, is milk racist? And they're saying like, because apparently anyone, white people can tolerate dairy as a group combined better than any other group. And they say that that's what the Aryans did.

Yeah, but I think all of them can have milk. I think if you're not white. I think if you're not white. True, like Eastern Europe maybe might get the bubble guts for milk.

They can't have anything. Yeah, true. Not even a country. So it's like the white is so vague. But I think, yeah, I think it's, again, it's like one of those things, like, as a group. It was like, I think black people get crushed with lactose intolerance. And you guys crush the dairy, too. My gut's hurt right now. Yeah, dude.

Yeah, and Asian people can't fuck with dairy, either.

They do, like, creamy things.

But they use coconut milk. They use a lot of coconut milk. Strong guts over there. Yeah, yeah, true. Well, they use coconut milk and, like, yogurt. A lot of their stuff is yogurt-based, which probably lessens the sting. Dude, I'm crushing, like, in the morning, eight ounces of whole milk.

Oh, my God, I love it, dude. The day I drank it, again, I have no ties to any sort of milk company. I was taking Zyrtec. You know when you take allergy medicine, you're kind of like, ugh. I had heavy brain fog. I wasn't planning on this. As soon as I got back from the farmer's market, I was like, yes.

I poured up a huge glass of milk, crushed it, and dude, within like 10 minutes, I was like, what the fuck? I felt like my brain just kicked on.

Yeah, Texas, it is bullshit. I guess they wait a week. They don't want them kind of like letting it sit around for too long. So they want you like fresh to order, whatever. But my thing is it's a, you know, there's always like a thing like you can get sick. Like with our technology now, they have to be able to test things.

a batch of raw milk that doesn't have tuberculosis or all these other things. You can just test it. I'm like, no, it's fine. Because they're like, you could get really sick.

Like, internet. They're like, oh, you can also get this and that. And it's like, dude, I'm just going to chug this shit.

You would say, but it's, I get it. Like if it's, you know, when you're milking a cow, like, you know, the cow can just take a shit. They're not like going to be like, excuse me, sir. Don't just rip a dump.

The worry is if it fucking gets into the.

But yeah, exactly. Dude, it's like breast milk, dude. You feel fucking, I mean, I'll stop talking about it, but Jesus Christ, it's been a revelation for me, dude.

You're going to be firing, dude.

Why is T here? What's going on? True. I mean, you know, to be fair, they're losing dudes becoming women. They're probably like, as a gay block, this is not all right. Our numbers are dwindling right now. Yeah. Because it is kind of like, you know, I can see that. If you're like an old gay guy, you can get a total revamp.

I'm telling you, man. I'm trying to make everyone in my house drink it and everyone's like, not feeling it.

You have to steam it for a certain temp. I think you'd have to do it for a certain period of time. I forget what it is. I was worried if I dump it into hot coffee.

Oh, interesting. It's got to hit, like, 150, I think. To curdle?

Dude, put it in a smoothie. You can put it in a smoothie. I'm about to make a raw milk smoothie when we get home, but it's like... Now we're talking. But you only have, like, five days, so I'm going to charge up, and then I'm going to have to go off the juice for a little bit. So... You're in rogue towns. You guys got real milk? Sipping from the udder.

I didn't know dairy was such a big thing where most people are allergic to it now. Because the way they do it now, apparently nobody can really stomach it.

Yeah, it destroys everything. It's like breast milk, how breast milk is really good for you. But if you just fucking boiled it in a microwave, you've destroyed literally an elixir.

Dude, 90, 90. If you go to say you go to like a convenience store, 99% of the stuff in there is terrible for you.

It's all garbage. We're eating garbage. Even Whole Foods. Yeah, a lot of it's just like shit and seed oils. In the grocery store, if you stay, the thing is, if you stay on the outer aisles, it's like produce and then meat.

It is. Well, here's the thing, too. When people like the food, like say like organic produce is too expensive. It's like, dude, you'll die if you don't have it. A hundred percent. It should take up, you know, it should be, I, it does suck, but it's also like, like even before, like, you know, I did well, I would always spend way more money on food than anything.

It's true. If you're a fat black guy, for some reason, it's just like it kind of works. Right. Sit on the stool. You also have a towel.

People spend money on fucking bullshit. It's like, dude, food.

Yeah, I don't think they, nothing happened with that.

Really? Immediately. Well, dude, they have somehow sigh up dudes to be like, it's like pussy shit to worry about food.

every dude i know what's in that they're like i don't give a fuck i'll eat this right now it's like dude you're gonna die yeah you're going to die what they're eating the cardboard that it came in you're like no dude like i'm a real man my whole family's like that my all my dads and uncles are like what are you a fucking girl i don't give a shit late like 40 cheesesteaks and it's just like dude you're going to fucking die i don't know why it's like crazy i'm trying to ask my own self why is that cool it's a psyop

Yeah, that's fair. But also, like, what about peak performance? What about the Da Vinci Man? What about going peak performance, taking yourself to the highest level? That guy had, like, five brews before he took that pic. That painting.

Just to dilapidate yourself.

But he's killing people, so that's the thing. If you kill people, you can dress kind of gay.

I feel like most people, though, if you even bring up, a lot of times in private conversation, what is that sum of stuff? But you get a bunch of dudes together, like, I don't give a shit about that. There's something like when girls go out, They can pamper themselves. When dudes get together, they just try to destroy themselves. It's kind of funny, yeah. It's kind of sick.

I don't want this tummy ache right now.

Yeah, true.

I'll be real good. I'll be doing well eating. I feel great. And then I'll be like, I can relax. And I'll just get the biggest tummy ache and be like... Why do I do this to myself?

It sucks.

You're like, fuck, dude. It was so good and I'm hurting. Every fucking time. Well, I think we covered a lot of topics here. I think we got to the bottom of a lot of things. I think so too, man.

Thanks for coming on, man. Thanks for withstanding this format. What did you think of Standing?

It's kind of nice, right?

I think it's absolutely the future. Podcasting now, dude, after this election. Who made them? Some guy on Amazon. really yeah chinese guy oh wow yeah also too i don't know if i have even have the remote on me i'd even show you this feature but yeah dude these things go nuts bro let me see

We could get some baby pyro, probably. No, probably not. It'd be amazing.

Well, dudes, thank you so much. Thanks for having me, brother. Dude, appreciate it. Lamaze, thank you, brother. You guys have anything you want to plug, by the way?

They can do that? Yeah, they go timeout and then they can just totally hit you with, you know, they can call you whatever you want. Timeout, I like that.

You need an official position.

You changed my world. So how was, what was the experience? You did like a bunch of just like, so there's like Trump is like, it's almost like a mega church. Like Trump is the main pastor, but a lot of them have satellite churches. Yeah. So you were just ripping at all these things that you did.

And then at what point do they stuff dollar bills in your pants? Oh, yeah.

True, true. It is a pretty nuts move. Are you guys telling me to stand up?

Well, dude, the conservative flag has wildly extended now.

Where it's like now it's they really don't care what you're up to. If you just at least are like, yeah, we agree with you. They're like, fuck it.

Yeah, yeah. It's pretty much, yeah. That's all it is. Oh, so you did a damn exit. Oh, yeah, for sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's kind of tight. What were you saying, Lamar?

No, we just do. That was just you're just being that seemed like we were just projecting on it.

Yeah, and Latiners.

A lot of people are kind of coming around to him, dude, to be honest. Yeah, he's the best. Even on CNN, I've noticed they'll be like... He's not the best.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's a fair point because a lot of people, a lot of comedians were, like, you know, hitting themselves with all kinds of, like, all the Facebook trends or, you know, Instagram of, like, I'm going to put my profile this, that, and this. Everyone was doing shit, but yeah.

You're doing a good service for us right now. We usually have a third podium, but we already established all everything. And I'm like, it killed him. He wanted to be standing with us.

My thing, too, is like, dude, it's also I'm in a I just look at it like a small business owner. It's like, bro, I run a small business. I'll go get whoever's fucking money I want to. You're going to be like, you're really making that money. It's like, yeah, okay, dude.

That's my plan.

Yeah.

Good job, Jeff. You were then kind of, that was like the accepted view of the space.

Apparently that's coming to an end. Or prisoners. We could hack a couple of those guys down a little bit.

Cut them in half. I think it is kind of... I don't know. I feel like... I just feel like, I don't know, you shouldn't really worry too much about what anyone else is doing.

If you get paid for it, God bless you. This is awesome. Make your money. People are like, just fucking bullshit. But you're right, though, because everyone was wildly political, being like, fuck this, fuck that. The whole late night itself was just, every show was like, fucking...

Yeah.

They put me up in a hotel. Does it change the ticket sales, though? You're telling me the biggest show on late night.

Yeah, for sure. And does it change the demo? Are you getting, like, are you getting Geezy's up there? I get some old, well, that's, yeah, dude. Fuck it, dude. That's the point. Absolutely. It's the king of late night. Gutfeld's the king of late night, by the way.

You might introduce that. How nice would this be? It's clear. You can still see what's going on. You can have all your stuff. I'll throw a laptop under here sometimes. I can just access all my stuff.

Huh? He can't give gas money, though.

They don't give you a dollar. That's crazy. But SNL pays like $5,000 for the host.

Yeah.

It's been cool and all, but you think I'd get 2,500 bucks? Dude, when Joe reports, that'd be amazing. Hey, Joe, my time's kind of now. We'll do valuable, man. I wouldn't mind to get a little siphon here. You know how you make a lot of money? That'd be so... Just send a Venmo request. Just be like, hey, man, I did your whole show. It was a few hours. I'll need a million dollars.

That makes perfect sense.

There you go.

Yeah.

If you are a COVID-conscious queer, okay, I should say a COVID-conscious person, like someone who wears a mask, don't scroll. Because this is, like, literally life-saving advice. Because if you've just been, like, opening up your bifold, popping it on, squeezing it on your nose, and going, Oh, okay. Wow. Okay. Great. And you'll notice you get a way better seal. This is huge for me.

Like, I didn't know I'd been wearing a lot. This is huge for me. This is also supposed to be really helpful for fogging your glasses. Does everyone on the internet live in their car?

Fuck that, right?