Javi Marroquin
Appearances
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
I think prior to Madrid, we were struggling with Lincoln because he thought all four of us were always clashing. And so he got away with, or tried to get away with a couple of things, doing things differently here, coming to our house and saying and doing things differently so that me and you would clash and be like, well, he's saying this, he's saying this over here.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
So, okay, so, you know, so then I think Madrid helped that and being, okay, well, four of them are getting along, so... I don't know if I'm getting it wrong, but all four of them have my best interest, so we're trying to get Lincoln.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
My friends, I mean, they crack jokes here and there, but they don't... I mean, it's been so far, I don't even know. Because I'm in a whole new career than when I started, when I first went.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Good. I mean, with what's going to go down, I mean, I feel like a bigger layer of trust has to be there. And I genuinely, you know, I'm at peace and I'm okay knowing that Lincoln has him and he's going to be okay. Right.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Yeah, no, I just mean, like, if we could just avoid the talking on, you know, the jokes and stuff like that, I think co-parenting is an issue.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
No, no, no, on the podcast. Just, like, about, like, past stuff. No, no, no, yeah, we don't joke. Like, no, no, no, I just mean, like, the past. Because it's hard for me. I tell you, like... Well, I don't tell you all the time, but like when I hear those jokes, it's hard for me to then, okay, I have to go. So we have to go be nice at basketball or soccer.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
You know, the kids played soccer on the same team this year. So it was just like, you know, it was just hard for me. So Eli and Lex are on the same, well, they played on the same team and I was coaching them. So, so yeah, it was, yeah.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Even after the soccer, Lauren said I was mean. As long as I'm a mean coach.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
One, I realized coaching that team, I do not like coaching at all.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Too much stress, too much the high expectations I've been told, and sometimes my voice, the way I come across the field, like it's just very, I just think I'm loud and I'm positive, but I've been told it doesn't come off that way. I don't know. So it's just, you know, I never want to make a kid feel bad, but it's just I have, maybe I'm just, I don't know, high standards. I don't know.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
I'm not doing it anymore. I'm done. I'm done coaching.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
how does it look like for me in like a professional standpoint?
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
And basically what happens was we already kind of touched on it. My time was coming up. So it was like, okay, well, where can I go? What are my options? Um, so Virginia came up and, um, After talking about it with Lauren, we felt like that was probably best case scenario. They didn't know what was going to happen with Lincoln. We thought worst case scenario were at least driving distance.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
We don't have to jump on a plane or anything like that. So it was, hey, take Virginia or when your time does come up, when your three year mark hits, you're going to get whatever is whatever is on the table.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Yeah, it could have been California, whatever was on the table at that time. So I wouldn't have I would have to pick out of whatever is on there.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
So how it works is positions come out every month. So you see who's applying. You see who gets those positions. So the Maryland and New Jersey's just got there. So I knew they had three years there at least at a minimum before those positions would open up again. So I was like, okay, well, that's taking me off the board for those. So what's left? And then it was like, well, Virginia's coming up.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
And I was like, okay, well, that's the next closest. That's probably the best case scenario. So I didn't want to take that risk of waiting to the end of either deciding, hey, we're moving to wherever or I got to get out. And I don't think getting out was an option for me.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
because I didn't want to move. In that time, I opened up the gym and then I went into the reserve side of the house. And then a guy that came to my gym, he offered me a job back in active duty. And he was like, I can put you, you can stay here in Delaware. So I was like, okay, can't pass that up.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
No, this is strictly professional work wise. I mean, the military has done so many good things for all of us. I mean, it pays for Lincoln's health insurance. It'll pay for some of the school when he gets there. I've been in for 12 years. I've worked too hard to get to where I'm at as far as rank and all that stuff where I'm sitting at the table. I'm really good at it.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
No, the thought process, the decision-making was strictly... Hey, I need to take my career into my own hands before they tell me this is all you got left.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
And custody and all that would have been way different than what we came to. A plane ride would have just, yeah, that would have...
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
And then since then, from year six to 12 now, I've exhausted all my positions in Delaware that I could take and stay here.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Active duty was full-time and reserve is part-time, essentially.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
So like when I brought it to you, obviously the initial emotions and all that kicking in, everyone's angry. Okay, let's let it dust off. And then how'd you feel? Or what was your mind? What did you think? Cause I told you basically I wanted Lincoln. I think I told you I wanted Lincoln for the school year. Or I might have not said that, but I told you I thought Lincoln was not better.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Because this is a shitty situation. It's not like you have two shitty parents, and it's a no-brainer, right? He deserves to be with this parent more than this parent, right? I feel like it was down the middle. I simply just took it as I thought my connection with Lincoln was a little bit more crucial at the age he's at to be with me. I don't want to say more important.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
It was more crucial to be with me now for the next three years or whatever than it was to stay. So that was my standpoint, and that's how I was looking at it when I approached you. How did you feel?
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Yeah, they would have. They would have said, hey, it's time, if you want to stay in this, so I'm recruiting now. So if you want to stay in recruiting, stay in this job. You need to grow and you can't do the same. Basically, we're all capped out. So once you're in this job, you're capped out at three years. That's when I started in Dover. I was like, okay, well, can I take the Newark spot?
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
He was. I was very discouraged after that call. I'm not going to lie. I was very discouraged. Well, after that call, I was like... I think I told Lauren. I was like, this sucks. I'm not going to get nothing. This judge is like... What did it... Well, me and you butted heads... Let's backtrack a little bit, if you don't mind.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Me and you butted heads because you felt... And correct me if I'm wrong... that Lincoln shouldn't have been involved. I maybe, what was it like the, you didn't want me to tell him or you didn't want me to, or you didn't want him to know something like that.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Fair. Well, yeah, that's what he said. But where I was coming from with that was my path of moving forward with custody was going to be based off of his answer, right? And so if he would have said... it was either school year or summer because let's get that. I think both of our attorneys said, Hey, this is, this is no other way to do it. This is the baseline. So one parent is going to get school.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
One parent's going to get summer. We'll figure out the holidays. So it was okay. That's at a minimum. So it was like, okay, link, this is the situation. I wasn't, if, if I'm moving, it's, this is, I'm moving. How do you feel about it? This is it. School year, where do you want to go?
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Because based off of his answer was going to be my driving factor of, hey, is this even a fight I'm going to put up? Or if he says, hey, I want to stay with my mom. Okay, well, then what am I fighting for? If you don't want to come with me, that's how I took. So if he would have said that, then I don't need it. Why am I going to spend $1,000 on an attorney and put this in a judge's hand?
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
So for me, when he was like, no, I want to go with you. And it's hard. I get it. He's telling you one thing. He wants to stay with you. He's telling us he wants to go with us. And I can't imagine the emotions and feelings an 11-year-old is going through. So for him to say, hey, I want to go with you, it's like, OK, well, I'm going to do everything I can. It's just a pain.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
This is a feeling that is a shitty feeling for everybody. And it sucks because he cries with me and he cries with you. It was the same, right? So he would go to sleep. And I'm saying, hey, are you OK? You know, he'll just start crying and I want to go with you. And I know I'm doing, you know, let me handle that. I'm doing everything I can where you just got to let it ride out.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Newark, Delaware, for those of you who don't know. They gave me Newark and now I'm capped out here. So there's no other place, no other job I can kind of jump to.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
And so that was my driving force as to why I thought I needed to tell Lincoln. And then when we got with the judge, he was like, oh, well, why does he even tell him or something like that? I'm like, I just don't get it. I don't understand it. Still? No. How can you not... Lincoln's not Lux or Creed's age, right? I get that. If they're that little... Lincoln's 11 or 10 at the time, whatever he was.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Because if you're doing a good job in this area, they want to see you grow. Okay, well, go do it over here.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
But correct me if I'm wrong, we couldn't get with him together because we didn't agree on what each other wanted. I can't remember. I thought we argued email.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Yeah, well, I don't because I remember we couldn't tell them together because we weren't agreeing on something. I don't remember exactly. I think it was that I think it was like, Oh, yeah, I think you you didn't want to tell him and I did. I said, Well, I'm going to tell him he's my son. You know, I think that might have been it.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
I was very discouraged after that. The judge came in and he was hot and he was, I don't think he was anti-military, but he was just like, oh, well, he's going to move. And I felt very discouraged.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Yeah, well, I thought I was losing the battle, and not to put it in that tense, but I thought when we met at mediation, I felt kind of backed in a corner, honestly. I mean, honestly, I felt like I was in a corner. I remember I called Lauren crying, saying, I have to take it. If it goes to a judge, I'm going to lose. If it goes to a judge, it's going to be worse.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
And we can get into the details of that when we don't fast forward, but I felt like I was in a corner by the time we met in that mediation room.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Conflicted. Part of me doesn't understand. So we agreed in one year, whatever Lincoln says, that's kind of right. So it was like, how does one year make that much of a difference that that's what you fought for? I think it's... You're... Does that make sense?
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Yeah. I mean, I struggle. Part of my argument before we even went to mediation was I struggle with I told you your career. So like the way the custody is written out here is you'll have them school year. I don't know if you want to say talk details, but you'll have, you'll have them school year. I'll have them summer and then all the holidays and three days in between.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
So it was like, okay, you're going to be the primary, but just like I'm putting my career, you know, this is what I got to do for my career. Same as you, right? You're busy, you know, your network and everything's blowing up, which is great. But for you to want that bond, how are you going to do that?
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
There's nowhere for me to come back to. That's the problem. There's nowhere for me to come back to.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Recruiting, it's, yeah, I mean, everything's always up for consideration. I mean, hey, we'll give you a strike, you know, E8 if you take Dover or, you know, stuff like that. I don't know. You know, there's a career path for me, and what that looks like, I don't know yet. I just know right now, I gotta go crush it in Virginia, right?
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
So I know right now, the next step of my career is, hey, we know you're gonna go crush it in Virginia, go crush it in Virginia. That's what we need you to do right now. Okay, so once Virginia's up, what's next? Where do you guys need me, right? And so that's where I struggle. And honestly, for you, right, and same for me, I gotta be okay with it too, is Lincoln's gonna come to an age
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Where the custody we have, he's not going to want to go back and forth. Right?
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
But I'm seeing it more of getting older and puberty and girls and friends. Because of him, every holiday I got to go to Virginia or I got to go back to Delaware when I got friends here. I don't even get to spend the summer with my friends here or I don't get to see... Vice versa. So he's going to get to an age where... We're going to have to come back together and say, hey.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
And even with the current custody, it might be a lot on him. So, yeah, we did the best we could and gave each other what we thought was best case scenario, but it might be a lot on him to travel with. And he might say, hey, this is a lot of travel. I mean, you've got to come back together and say, hey, this is putting a toll on him.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
But, like, that's a hypothetical. That's not going to happen.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Not even too, but like Virginia's not going to be forever home. So not only is it impossible for your custody with all the kids you have, why would you follow, you know, you're following me. Why would you do that?
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Yeah, yeah. No, I hear you. Yeah. I mean, not having 50-50 with Lincoln is tough and talking with Lincoln about it now, it's like, okay, you know, I asked him, are you okay? How are you feeling? Cause the time is getting closer. And you know, I talked to him and said, listen, nothing's going to change. We're going to do our best.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
I'm not going to be able to come every weekend and all your stuff, but I'm going to do my best to, I'm still your dad and, and, you know, figure it out. So not having 50, do you want to talk about what we, how mediation went? How do you think that we went in there? How do you think when you went into mediation went?
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Well, I mean, I thought before we went up to mediation, I, for whatever reason, I was taken under the impression that I was going to get the school year. And just based off of, you know, things you were saying, like, oh, summer camp in Virginia, you know, I'll bring Lex. I was like, okay.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Well, I was just like, okay, well, for whatever reason, I was getting under the impression that, okay, maybe she's, you know, things cooled off, she's calm, and I was going to get the school year and you were going to get the summer. So when I went in there... I thought I had a pretty good offer. It was, hey, here are all the dates. And you just weren't budging.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
I mean, you were just stone cold. You were just arguing back and forth. I was like, damn, I thought this was a good deal. This is a sweet deal. So then when you weren't budging, I was like, okay, well, it was just, mediation didn't go well. For whatever reason, I thought it was going to go well.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Yeah. I mean, I don't, I don't know why I got that feeling, man. I just thought there was things you said that I was like, okay, I felt good about it. I was like, okay, maybe we're going to go to mediation and she's going to say, you know, you take the school and I'll take the summer and we'll figure out the holidays in between. Did you even consider it honestly?
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Yeah, I mean, we were in a situation where we were just kind of
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
forced to spend more time than we either one of us thought we were going to i mean i didn't think you know you and your hotel situation ended up being the way it did and then you ended up in the same hotel so we were kind of stuck in the same place so we were gonna you know make the best of it for the kids sake i mean we traveled 10 hours to madrid we're not gonna make it crap yeah i mean i think that was the first time that
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Yeah, in a situation like this, it's... Nobody wins. Nobody wins.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
It can go both ways as far as, you know, you wanted him to bond with your side, your kids, and then same thing with him. Eli is all he knows, essentially. So Eli is all he knows, essentially. sort of wrap my head around where, hey, you're not going to have him for the school year, right? Now he knows, hey, when's Bubba coming home, stuff like that.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
So my take in mediation was I felt like that was your driving force instead of looking at from where I was coming from of just Lincoln, what is the best case scenario for Lincoln with the parent right so i thought i had a strong argument of he needed to be with me taking the kids out of it although it is it is a factor in it right you're going to play it
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
But the majority of it was which parent is going to, for this first year, be the best to help them adapt, help them transition into whatever we decided. And that's why when I went into mediation and you weren't budging, I was like, well, this sucks. This is not how I thought it was going to go, honestly. And that's why I fell in the corner.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
So when I asked you to step out with your attorney or whenever you guys went out, I was crying. Oh, me too.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Yeah, I called Lauren and I said, this is it. I have to take it. If it goes to a judge, I'm going to get half of what I'm getting right now. That's how I felt. I'll get the summer, right? No judge in their right mind is going to give me every holiday.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
And I just thought Lincoln getting out of Delaware was just crucial for these middle school years. There's just, you know, I'm excited to grow out of Delaware. I don't know if you love Delaware that much.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Not to cut you off. We know life is better out of Delaware. And so, like, you knew whenever we got married that I was joining the military, and that was always a possibility. I've just been lucky for 12 years that I've been blessed to be able to stay here. Joe knew that when he was there. So that can't fall on me because eventually it's kind of like breaking generational trauma.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Eventually, hey, you understand the career field that I'm in.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
But, like, I'm just... And facts of you saying the ripple, like, oh, his mom moved here, his sister moved here, that's their own decisions, right?
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
No, no, no, but, like, you can't... I'm not blaming you.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
That's better sports. I complained to you about sports, where we put them. We've tried. We've gone up and down the state trying to find just a good program, just good coaches. And we're driving an hour up north. That didn't work out. We thought it was bad. We try it here. That's not enough for him. So it was just for me, that was part of my reasoning.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
There's nothing in Delaware where he's thriving that he can't get equal to or better, hopefully, in Virginia. Yeah.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Yeah, for sure. I mean, we definitely got along. I mean, hey, let's make the best of this and let's figure this out. And it worked in Madrid. It worked in Madrid.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
How do you feel now? Good. I mean, Lincoln's with you guys half the time, so it was nice to spend some quality time and see who this man is around Lincoln.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
It was nice. I mean, it was... It was fine. I mean, like I said, I'm glad everyone was able to... Put all the difference. There's a lot of, there was a lot throughout the years that everyone went through. So it was, I mean, for that trip, it was good that we were all able to just put it behind us and, hey, we're here. Let's cheer on the kids. Let's all go figure this out.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
It's hard, right? Because I thought we were at a place where we were good in Madrid. And then, you know, we come home and, you know, things were said and I had to send you an email the week after. So for us, it was like, damn, we just had this good week. We thought we were turning a leaf. And here we are back to where we knew where we were.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
So that's why for me, it's just kind of... I want to make sure that boundary line is not that we've crossed it for years. I think we figured out that boundary line, but I want to make sure the civil, I don't know how to put it into words, the civilness or the us being able to say hello to each other is strictly for Lincoln at that point.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
So I don't know how to say it in words, but that's how I feel. It was just like, damn, we were here, come back home and it's back to what we thought it was.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Yeah, I just feel like I always have to have my guard up. For sure. Like in Madrid, okay, we put it down. Hey, let's have a good time. We went to the amusement park together. And hey, if Lex wants to stay, you know, stuff like that. So I feel like when we let our guard down, or me, I'll speak for me specifically. When I let my guard down, it's like, damn, we're here.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
And since you brought that up, I don't want to cut you off. So I'm trying to think of my thoughts as you come. So it's like...
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
in that instance when you're saying what you did it's like you were saying you're trying to say it vaguely so that you didn't think other people would understand it but i know who you're talking about so i know it's me so even if other people don't know what you're talking about i do so for me it's like damn if we're taking steps forward can i make an example so it makes all make sense for example for me i feel like that's a running joke that i hear constantly
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
from you, from your friends. So I get it. You got a job, and it's funny to you. But for me, that caused a lot of pain between us. It caused a lot of pain in my life, my personal life, with my family. So for me to constantly hear jokes coming from you, I just feel like it's disrespectful for me. I'm thinking we're all, we might not be coming together, but we're level.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
So anytime I hear those types of jokes, it's like, damn. You might not specifically be shooting them at me, but it just sparks outside world of this is still funny or Javi still did that years ago when it's like that is behind me for, you know, I made all this work to get it behind me. So stuff like that just frustrates me. So that's why coming here, it's uncomfortable.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
It's just like I took myself out of the TV world for a long time and it just sucks.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
And I got eight years left until my retirement. So I think I've made it far enough where I kind of have to ride it out.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Yeah, co-parent specifically, I think it's been great. I mean, I think it's, I think Madrid, I think it was important, actually, I think it was important you saw the way Lauren was with just the kids in general and then vice versa. It was important for me to see how Elijah was. I mean, I'd never heard him say more than two words prior to Madrid.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
So to be in Madrid, no offense, but he's just a quiet guy. So when we're in Madrid and being able to play soccer, I didn't even know he knew how to play sports. Not that he's not athletic, but it was cool to be in that environment where I know Lincoln is okay on the other side. Because it was always, hey, I have to trust whoever you bring into his life that you're making the right decision.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
And same thing for me. So to be able to see that firsthand, I think that's where... it was good for everybody to see everyone interacting with other kids. So I think co-parenting-wise is fine. If I need something for Lincoln, hit you up or hit Elijah, and Elijah will bring it, and there's no awkwardness, I don't think. There's no... And vice versa, I don't think you've needed anything from Lauren.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
But I'm sure if you did, I don't know, but I'm sure if you did, I'm sure it would be fine.
Barely Famous
Coming Together As A United Front
Yeah, there's people that don't even know I'm still in the military.