Janelle Monáe
Appearances
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Um, so I just wanted to say that because I feel like, damn, I wish everybody could go, could experience these things. Um, so I was like, I will never talk to this person again. And after I went through, you know, understanding and getting to the root of like my, my rejection, abandonment, um, trauma. You know what I did?
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
I thanked the person who I was in a relationship with and it did not work out for us. I thanked them. I said, you know what? And my emotional support coach said that I was going to do that. It's like, you are going to thank this person because you know what this person did for you. They forced you to deal with something that you were not going to deal with.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
They pushed you to go back to the root of the problem. You were not going to do it. You were moving forward. You were too busy moving. You didn't have time. But that relationship, the ending of that specific relationship forced that. And I literally called that person and I thanked them. I said, thank you so much. You have no idea.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Like I was really walking around here hurt and you forced me to like. You know, and so they started sharing things with me. They were just like, I just wasn't ready. I was confused myself. I did not trust it was going so well for us. I'm so used to chaos that I didn't. I felt like this was not going to end how I wanted it to end. I'm also dealing with rejection issues.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
So we just kind of heal through each other. And and that and it helped me in my other relationships. I was like, here are the here are the things that I was doing because of my trauma. When I'm free from that trauma, I'm like a really, really, really like beautiful partner to have. And it just helped me to understand how I want to show up for for my future partners.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
yeah that's interesting to hear you talk about like how you connected with that person yeah at first being like i'll never talk to you again and then yeah wait a second thank you thank you like thank you and i will say though i mean i know it's like sometimes with exes because i also had an ex that was just like man i wish i really had this new version of you like when we were dating i wish that i was around that was the person you showed me and i was just like yeah i i agree but listen
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
What do you want me to say? I wasn't I wasn't ready. I was growing. I needed to grow. And, you know, I'm sorry.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Because we were both toxic as hell. As hell. We both were toxic.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
yeah it wouldn't you would we I would definitely would not this new version would have not dated right you know that that that that person I love you yes I love you but there's just no way that I could put myself back uh into that sort of like chaos chaos yeah
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
We grew together and that's a beautiful thing. I always want the best for people. Like even if we're not together, As a human that also helped contextualize breakups is like, even though we're not together, I don't want anything negative to happen to you. I don't want you to, I don't want anything bad to happen to you as a human. I want the best for you.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
I kind of like Ooch Ooch, but I need like some hip hop, some something mixed in with it. But it was so fun. The sunsets are beautiful. And then the second portion of the vacay was Jamaica. Oh, I've never been. Ocho Rios. Beautiful people. The food, the chicken patties, the beef patties, the shrimp curry, the plantains. I had at least 152 plantains. What?
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
And if that means that it's not with me at that time or at that season, then so be it.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Oh, I mean, like I said, I just wish everybody could afford therapy. So but if you can try to get you a good therapist that you can just talk freely to that can help you like and don't lie to them, you know, don't lie. Be transparent. Tell the truth. Have make sure that they they're pushing you. And.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
you need to not be afraid to do the work it's going to be painful it's been a lot of tears a lot of crying a lot of just like confusion but just know that you're growing like you know better right you're know you're you're understanding you a lot more and sometimes that that feels confusing to your body to yourselves because you're literally being like
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
rerouted like the way that your mind is is is being rewired so it's going to feel uncomfortable but just stay the course because I promise you that if you do the work there is going to be you're going to be like I never thought I would see the day I literally never thought that I would be this person
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
It's like I planned I sort of planned it out, but to live it out and to be living what I dreamt about doing and the freedom in which I move, because it's not that like you're not going to deal with issues and problems and things like that. But the way that I'm so solid with myself now, I didn't know, you know, I was free, but but there are levels to it. Yeah, there are levels to it.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
So just stay the course and you'll reach the next level.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
In a sense, but different. Right. Right.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
I wanted it. You got to want it too. Sometimes you're just like, I don't really want a relationship just because you birthed or helped bring me into this world. Like as a person, you can be like, I don't really want this. And that's totally fine. I think I wanted it because my dad is cool. Like my dad also had a music career, but drugs got in the way of that. And So me and him can talk music.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
He understands like all my favorite artists or his favorite artists. When I put out Lipstick Lover, all of the art that that I'm doing, my dad supports it. Like he's like, I want you to know as your dad, I think what you're doing is brave, is sick as fuck. I love you. I want you to know I got your back. Like.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
As a black man in this living in this country, I'm supporting you, my queer, non-binary, you know, artistic daughter, like I'm here for you. And I knew he always had that sort of that's sort of where I get both my parents are like.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
shows like they could each have their own TV show and people they would not care about me they'd be like your mom and your dad like you know they're not together because they're very much so alike in in many ways you know they're just super like flamboyant and their personalities can take up a room but good sweet people
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
what one by one oh yeah the water i'm like oh i feel like i'm there with you oh it was like it was heaven so i will say i'm sort of mentally still there it's okay we can keep it chill we're on vacation this is summer like we're just gonna relax today okay let's relax and it's so interesting that you say like as kids growing up it just reminded me like yeah i didn't take vacations as a kid
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
So with my dad, I always knew that like when it was time to take risks, that was going to be the person that was going to affirm me. And I and I and I wanted that and I needed that. And also for him, I wanted to give him another opportunity post like being sober to know me.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
you know to know me I think I think that that for both of us we needed that like I needed to have the support of of of my dad and I felt like for him to have been because he had also gone to prison so he had been locked away for years and I was like I want him to come out sober and to know what it's like to receive love from me. Not guilt.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Yeah, I know. No, but I was, this, it was on and off, you know, middle school, elementary school, high school, like always.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Yeah. Yeah. Well, no, he was, that's when he sort of got, got clean. So that was great. That was good. I needed that right at that time.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
I just did. I was like, hmm. I was watching, observing. I was like, you know, the people that actually are more private seem more happy to me. They just seemed more happy, you know, because it's like you don't have to worry about, you know, anybody seeing your partner over here and being like, oh, they're not there.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
They they assume that if you're not with them and they're seeing somebody else that you broke up and now you got to go answer that question. You have to go do that. And perhaps maybe later on in life, I'll open up a little more. But for now, I love having, I love, and it really is for the protection of them. I don't want them to, you know, because I can handle sort of like paparazzi or whatever.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
I think that's why I'm so adamant about it now. I didn't, you know, my parents worked a lot and we didn't get the opportunity to go outside of Kansas. So I didn't take my first vacation until really my first album came out.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
It's annoying sometimes. Sometimes it's fun. I love messing with them, whatever. But I never want anybody that I'm dating to ever feel pressured
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
yeah no seriously I think because it's the norm to people to be like well you must post your kids and who you're dating and you know it's sort of like that's the norm these days definitely I don't feel like anybody should feel pressure and I think that if you are in a relationship where they're like if you don't post me we're done I've had like people we were just talking about this when we were on vacay and there was a question like would you
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
be upset if your partner did not post you on social media? And there were a lot of mixed questions. I mean, answers, but I was just like, we have to talk about that first and foremost. And if we agree that we want to keep things private, then no. But also like if my love is defined by a post, you don't post me enough on social media. Like I really need to understand that.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
my own damn like priorities in life is that really necessary for me so i just think it's like for me it's not um i do think people should have conversations around it prior so that there are no expectations and you know because it could hurt somebody's feeling too though if they feel like you're trying to hide them but that's deeper that's like y'all need to really literally
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
And I don't feel like we need or I want to protect you from, you know, all of the scrutiny or the, you know, just just things like that online world. It's its own matrix. And, you know, it's it's tough.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
I got to get to get the name of it. Actually, it's a black guy who made the game card game. So it's not a lot of us in that space. So I really, really have to get the name of it. Oh, my God. Anyway, one of the cards.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
You're so sweet. I got it. Of course. OK, but the one of the questions was like, what would your ex say about you? and we were just like everybody was like oh wow that's a good one um I feel like now I am let me think I mean because you know it's like and so the question when the question made me be like well this is what I think about myself but what if that isn't what they thought about right
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Like, OK, of course, I'm going to say glowing reviews about me, you know, or maybe like a couple of things that I need to work on. But, you know, it could have been some other things. So for me, if I was being honest in a relationship, I mean, I think I used to be a very like hard to know if I really loved them sort of person. Like it was hard to get to my heart. Yeah.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Because I had just been hurt and I hadn't really, again, dealt with sort of that trauma or of someone what it would feel like of somebody leaving me. I never wanted anybody to leave me. And if they did, I didn't want them to ever feel like.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Oh, my God. I'm the one actually sending out the group texts like dinner. I could be at the club. It could be four in the morning. I'm like lunch is going to be served at 2 p.m. Breakfast for anybody between nine and noon. Dinner is going to be eight. Like I love making the itineraries. I'm that friend. You're the dream though. I'm, I'm, yeah. Like people are like, Janelle, why are you doing?
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
really loved you you know cuz like if you if I really told you that I really loved you and you we still didn't work then like wow what a stab in the heart right yeah but now having gone to this new space I'm a big communicator I you know believe in evolution even in your partnerships and even if you started out one way I'm always open to us growing and
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
And I want to make sure that as we grow individually and as, you know, together, um, um, I've also been in polyamorous relationships as well. And I, you know, know what it's like to be with multiple partners. So it's very important that, you know, we're communicating in real time about our feelings. And if things are coming up, like if, if one person feels like, okay, um,
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
I'm having feelings of jealousy or I need some more time with both of you or, you know, how do we, you know, if we need to, like, work on some things, I like to know that. And I always welcome, you know, feedback. Um, I'm that type of person. Like I, I don't, I don't ever want to be in a relationship where, uh, I'm thinking we're good and we're not. Yeah.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Like you're wondering, like, just let me know. Yeah. Because I, I could probably adjust. We could adjust. Perhaps it was a misunderstanding or perhaps like, Oh, you know, maybe you thought you knew me or you knew how you, you don't know how much I love you.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
I need to be more expressive in, in those things. And, um, um so I think I'm averse I love it so I can be dominant sub like you know I'm non-binary as well so I can go with the I can go with the flow about things.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Meaning like, I don't, I don't just consider myself like to be boxed in as like this type of partner. Like sometimes you need me to be more like water.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Okay. I need to be more like water. You need me to be more like a rock for us. Okay. I'll be more like a rock for us.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Well, I was already in a relationship and and the person who was attracted to me was also attracted to my partner. And so they made it very clear and we just made it work.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Sure. I'm open to love. You know, I'm like, I think, you know, I love going to weddings and, you know, there are certain traditions that I love and congratulations. I know you're engaged. So congratulations. So I honor love. And I think the love comes in different, different variations.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
And that is what I love about polyamory is it just shows us like, just in the same way, like I don't have just one best friend.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
I have multiple best friends and I love y'all, you know, and we love each other and we can all hang out. I don't just love one parent. I don't just love one aunt. Like I love all of you. And, and, um, in relationships, you know, I think when, uh, intimate relationships, partnerships, I think that if we can talk about, um, what we need and what works for all of us. And I'll tell you like, um,
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
It takes a lot of unlearning. Yeah. Because we're conditioned, especially in this society, that this is what a union looks like. This is what, you know, it's two people in a relationship. You know, it is. It's like you're fighting against or not fighting against, but you're constantly having to unlearn the traditional way of what love looks like.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
And I just, I don't know. I just love curating experiences. Yeah. I grew up actually throwing parties with my best friends, middle school.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
And so I love to, by being my authentic self and us being our authentic selves, challenge that notion.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Yeah, always, always, always. People are intrigued. People think, you know, I think all sorts of things. But I think education is important. I mean, we have the Internet. People can look things up. And I mean, my close friends are super supportive. You know, certain family members have been like, hmm.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
But for the most part, my my circle of people that I have around have been supportive, even if they have questions and they wonder like, OK, OK.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
all right because also people are trying to figure out well hmm is that what i need or what we need or because i definitely been cheating on my significant other for a very long time but what if after all we just needed a third we needed somebody else you know that that loved us and we love them um, to, to, to, to be a part of our union, you know, people are trying and people are scared.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
sixth grade seventh grade we would rent out this location and one of our friends neighborhoods sort of white building and we would charge people a dollar to get in and I would hide in the bathroom because I didn't know who was gonna come I had so much anxiety around it and then once it would get packed my friends would come underneath the stall because I locked myself in the bathroom and
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
I understand that too. Some people are scared to go against tradition and, you know, some people come from conservative environments. I came from, you know, conservative Baptist background where I was taught to fear everything, you know, even getting into the music industry, I was taught, to just fear, you know, don't be like this artist or don't be like that.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Or, you know, it was just been a lot of unlearning and, and I get that. And I think, I think though, for me, I, I have to know that this is my life here on earth. I wasn't put here to, um, um, to follow every rule. I was, I was put here to help rewrite them.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Ooh, how did I decide? It's sort of like decided for me because my art is a direct reflection of who I am. You know, I, I have metropolis, which is my first EP. I have a lot of independent work I put out before that. And then I did the arc Android, my first full length album suites.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Then I did the electric lady, dirty computer and all the way now to the age of pleasure and, and all those projects that have come out. Um,
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
discovered that I mean I knew when I was a child that I was attracted to not just boys but to women and to energies I knew that and and because of my sort of conservative Baptist upbringing it wasn't welcomed I suppressed my sexuality I suppressed my sensuality I suppressed so much of me because I didn't feel safe and so once I got to a place where okay
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
I know for sure, for sure, that I am attracted to these energies. I'm gonna honor that and with each project you could he can hear me and feel me getting more brave you know I created the Android Cindy Mayweather who is representative of in my work who's representative of the other you know the queer person the black person the non-binary person trans I
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
all of all of us who are pushed to the margins of society and so I use that as a form of like a Form of coping a coping mechanism until I was brave enough to actually say it And I think I was always dropping hints and I was getting more brave and you know less afraid And then finally because also I was in a relationship in in what some would say
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
You know, it was a lot of things like, you know, understanding, you know, polyamory is was something that I wanted to explore. Well, if you're already in a relationship, you have to go have conversations with that person's family. Well, what does that mean for you guys? And so I could not talk publicly about certain things because they impacted my real everyday life. You know what I'm saying?
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
They'd be like, it's Pat, come out, come out, bitch. Get out, get out, get out. And so I've just always loved curating experiences for people.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Like when I got off the stage, I would also have to go see people.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
these communities that i was a part of and like if they heard about it through you know any other thing outside of like me saying it then what does that mean and i just wasn't ready to have those sorts of conversations and so i guess to answer your question like you know i just got brave over time and once i also felt like i had community because the albums and the art and music
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
What it also does is it signals like, hey, I'm out here, I'm out here. And then you meet people who come to your shows and you meet other artists and people, other humans who like are like, oh, I identify with that or I fuck with that.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
And then we become friends and you have a community now that supports you, that sees you, that even if your family you were born into doesn't support you or see you, you have support. And so once I felt supported and I felt safe enough, that's when I started to become even more brave. And I started to be courageous in the way that I started to live my life.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
And I think right now what I am doing, I've done this privately, is that I'm honoring all of me. I'm not closing off, you know, my sensuality anymore. I'm not closing off my sexuality, my polyamory. If you listen to only have eyes 42, you know, that's honoring that sort of union.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Um, if you're listening to hot, hot from the age of pleasure or champagne shit, or even float, you know, you know, I, I, I'm feeling much lighter now. I float. I had to let some things go. to get to this place and fear of not being accepted was one of them. And once I got over that hump, everything started to change for me.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
family to you absolutely it gets better it does yep as you start walking whenever you're ready don't feel pressure too yeah because i mean there were moments where um i felt the pressure to talk like interviewers would they would just speculate based on my appearance because i was wearing a suit they were like hmm you're a lesbian like that's what i would get You're a lesbian.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
And, you know, as I was trying to discover who I was and I didn't identify with being a lesbian, I, you know, and I had lesbian friends. I love my lesbian family. But like people would say certain things and try to force me to out what I was. Well, if you're not a lesbian, then what are you?
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Oh, thank you so much for having me. Of course. I'm a big fan of your show. Thank you. Of your experience, rather. So I was really happy when I found out we were going to do this. So thank you. Thank you.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
And so I wasn't ready. So don't feel also feel pressured to talk about your sexuality. It is a private thing. It can be as private or as public as you want it to be. For me, it was seeping out into my art so much that I'm like, yeah, this is me. This is who I am. And I wanted to also free a lot of people who were in their rooms, who could be in their rooms right now listening.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
like you have family you have a church even outside of the the church that you went to if they disown you like there is a big church around the world with people who will affirm you people who are like you your identity is not new like it's been happening we're here we're showing up for each other and I love you I love you
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
I didn't actually come up with that terminology of coming in. I just thought it resonated with me more. A guy by the name of John, I forgot his last name, but I heard him say it. And he he's a queer black man. And I heard him and I was like, that's exactly what it is. It is bringing people, bringing people into our worlds.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
I'm letting you in on who I am versus like you guys are the norm and I'm just like, hi, I'm out here. Like, no, I'm letting you in to my world, which is sacred, which should be respected and appreciated. Most certainly not apologetic about it.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Like come clean. Yeah. You're come out of the closet. Yeah. I'm sorry. I've been here. You just. must not have seen me. Um, or I'm not even, you must not have seen me. You must think that you and your, or you know what? Let's not even talk about that.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Ooh, that's a great question. I wasn't always in my age of pleasure. I've been in age of fear, age of anxiety, age of... Just... worry, a fight, you know, fighting back against systems that seek to oppress folks like myself and the people that I love and centering that. And with this album, which I actually don't even call an album, I say that it is a soundtrack to a lifestyle. It's a lifestyle.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Ooh. Yeah, I do. I have so much. I wish I had my phone with me. Um, But I think it comes down to power. You know, I think like when you give your power up to folks, like people's opinions have more power over you than how you feel about you. That's, I think, where things take that turn, where the depression sets in, where the constant need for approval comes in.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
And I think I'm a powerful ass motherfucker. You know, really? Yeah. Just as. You are powerful. We're all powerful. Right. We all hold gifts that we have. And I think that, you know, again, how I think about myself has to be more powerful than someone who is trying to take me down through their negativity, who is trying to oppress me through their fear.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
My power and my love for myself is greater than that.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Oof. Sheesh. Man. I would say, I wish I had discovered vibrators a long time ago. Like, honestly, it's so fun to experience that with your partner.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
It's so great. It's like, what, going to the sex shop? Like, I remember when I first went, see, again, when you come from those sort of like conservative backgrounds, a sex shop, I was full sunglasses on, like, do not have me in here. Oh, my God, what am I? Oh, my God, please. Nobody take photos of me. Like I did not know. Right. I did not know the world of vibrators.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
I did not know the clitoral stimulation that you and the fun y'all can have with one. You know, it doesn't necessarily have to be penetration.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
And I was like, I ain't gonna front the electric toothbrushes. If you're if you forget, just go buy you a brand new one.
Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
It's gotten me through. It's gotten me through. It is a lifesaver.
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Oh, why are you a deviant or like touching yourself? Gross. You know, like if it was not, you go get a boyfriend and y'all wait, but don't have sex actually until you're married. So go marry to have sex. Like I have cousins who actually married women just to have sex because they were just like, God won't. It's a lie. It's a lie. And I'm, I, I,
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
I will always just say my heart goes out to those of us who have clitorises. And not just those of us who are with clitoris, even for those of us who... have penises or whatever it is, the pleasure that we can give ourselves, like how that was stripped away from us. Um, I just hope that we can reconnect again with our bodies and reclaim our bodies. That's the space that I'm in.
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Like I am reclaiming my sensuality, my, my sexuality, my pleasure, like unapologetically, like I'm not apologizing for talking about it for taking time to myself.
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
to make up for lost times I mean I think I could have avoided a lot of just even sexual interactions with people who I didn't really like but I just was like well here we go this is the only way that I can feel less shame about sex is if I do it with this person but like that leads to so much confusion sometimes if you don't really really really like this person and they don't really really like you and it's a whole thing and so I think you actually avoid um
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
you have less stress when you take matters into your own hands, literally.
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Yeah. I mean, just like, you know, we're talking about, it's a soundtrack to a lifestyle. And I think so many people were, you know, that I'm, that I'm hearing, that's why I can't wait to go on tour. I'm on tour. Our first show is in Seattle, the end of August we're on tour. So get your tickets. We have some more, a little bit more available, but they're selling out right now.
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
You know, we live this. I wrote this project for my friends and for me, and I was just like, if we fuck with it, That's all I care about. So I would throw parties at my house with my friends who own this party collective called Everyday People.
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
And I'll be on tour in North America through October 21st, the age of pleasure tour. And so to see how people are like, making this their album, owning it. And like with their friends, I see them just certain songs. They're like, Oh my God, you're speaking to my heart. Like I needed to hear float.
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
I needed to give myself permission to, to let things go and, and to go into my, you know, a stage of like what hot is talking about. Like I look good. I look sexy. I look handsome. Like,
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
non-binary folks are feeling seen trans folks are being seen like the community in which i intended for it to be and even outside of that i think that you don't necessarily have to be a part of my community to to to vibe with it i think that what it just represents is like even in the midst of chaos you got to find your pleasure you have to make time for yourself and i actually brought you something what what so
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Here. Oh my God. Official age of pleasure. I cut mine. I was going to say, it's so cute.
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Like it's so cute. I wanted to bring you. This is so sweet. A shirt.
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Yeah, cut it like me. I'm just copying you.
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
It's yours. Thank you. I adore you. It's so dope. I wanted to bring you a hand. This is so good. A handwritten autograph. That's what I meant to say. I autographed you. a copy of my book that I released in 2021 called The Memory Librarian. Thank you so much.
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
oh shoot wow everyone's gonna go listen to this one it's so okay it varies because all of them man i i mean i hate to say it but it's it's um it's not a long album i usually put out like excuse me like double albums and with this one i wanted you to want to replay it over and over and over again i didn't want to
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
excuse me, I didn't want it to be too long because this one was just on President Barack Obama's Song of Summer, Only Have Eyes 42. So listen to that one. I mean, but I love every last song on this project. I'm having a hard time like figuring out what songs we're going to play on tour. I think I might have to just play all of them.
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
And if I knew we were going to be having and hosting them on a Saturday, that Monday or Tuesday, we would go into the studio and we would write like two to three songs that would work in the DJ's playlist. I wouldn't tell anybody it was me. I would not like make a big thing about it. And I would be very nervous. Like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. Are people going to sit down?
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
I don't know, but because I love, I also thought about them from a live perspective and Just how fun it's going to be to perform Champagne Shit.
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
I don't know. What songs were you vibing to? What are some of your favorites?
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Because the dry red is good. The last song I love. I when I was writing this album, I wrote it with friends. I got to give a shout out to Nate Rocket Wonder, to Bueno, to Nana Kwabena and also the features. Like some of my favorite things is just to look down and be like, OK, Grace Jones is literally on this album.
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
you know sister Nancy who is like bomb bomb you know we can't go anywhere at a party without hearing her Jamaican influence patra her Jamaican influence um when I think about um Nia Long, who is an incredible actress, coming and being a part of it. Amore, Dochi. Who else? Fela, Kuti-san, Sehun Kuti. Lots of horns on this project. CKs on this project. I don't know.
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
It's just so, like, such a beautiful love letter to the diaspora and to... To music that, again, has gotten us through, you know, a lot of the influences come from a lot of my friends who were in, you know, who are from Nigeria at our parties, Ghana, South Africa, L.A., New York, Atlanta. You know, all of us coming together and feeling safe, safe enough to explore, safe enough to be.
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
You are fantastic, Alex. Thank you so much for having me and all the beautiful work you do. Like, I don't really love doing lots of interviews, but you have a very great way of connecting human to human with folks. And I'm sure people tell you that a lot. But
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
i'll just say like i feel your aura and your energy through the screen and um just congratulations on everything thank you you're fantastic thank you thank you
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Because if people sat down, it was not going to go on the album. If people were not shazamming, it wasn't going on the album. And so every song that you hear, all of my friends, all of the people who were with us celebrating in this safe space, they are responsible for the songs making the album.
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
soundtrack yep I'm like how do people move okay what or I saw some people shazamming and then some people be like wait is this but I never would confirm I would go hide and be like you know having somebody else tell me what's going on but yeah like it's as an artist presenting anything before the world gets it like for that first time I talked a lot of my artist friends and we're all like it is one of the most
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
like scary things ever scary feelings to have because It comes from such a pure place when we create and for it not to be accepted You don't know you you know you you take it but for me I got I was like I'm ready.
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
I'm okay I had to heal some shit, you know cuz cuz some of that is attached to to just rejection Issues abandonment issues like people don't like my stuff that could go down to the root of an issue that you just need to fix and I definitely I
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
I used a portion of this pandemic to to sort of work on that and to get to to my own traumas that I had to heal and to get to a place where I was like, wait, I've been really centering fighting so much that I don't even know what my life is like outside of that. Who am I? You know, I taught I like, who am I outside of the fight? You know, who am I?
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
And so I had to sit with myself and ask myself and, you know, when I think about the word pleasure, there is no pleasure without feeling safe. Yeah, I didn't always feel safe.
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
And that must take time though. Exactly. It does. It takes a lot of unlearning. Yeah. It takes a lot of, um, fucking with yourself. And I have to say, you have to be like, I fuck with me. Yeah, okay, somebody doesn't like a song that I made, but that doesn't make me a bad songwriter. That doesn't make me a bad artist. That doesn't mean that I should just throw away my whole career
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
You know, and you have to just understand that sometimes we're not always in the same space that we can take in, you know, take in the message or the energy that an artist is trying to put out. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's just like, okay, this didn't resonate with you. Okay. But I don't give you that power over me. You're not more powerful.
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Your thoughts about my art are not more powerful than my thoughts about my art.
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Oh, please. I'm like, can we all just go on vacation for the whole summer? Come on, everybody. Everybody, let's do this. Let's all agree that summers are for vacations paid for by the government. I love this energy. Paid for by the government.
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Thank you. You know, I wanted to focus on feeling, too. You know, I think feeling is what music gives us. It makes us feel. It makes us want to dance. It makes us want to party. It makes us want to cry. Makes us want to feel ourselves and feel sexy, have sex. All those things is such a powerful energy.
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
And the fact that it's a feeling that I had that I felt like, man, this is this makes me feel good. Knowing that that makes you feel good. and we are just meeting each other, that's such, I think that's such a beautiful exchange. So thank you so much.
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Oh, wow. You know, one of the things that I had to do was again, deal with my rejection and abandonment sort of trauma. Where did that start from? You know, my dad and I, who we're like this now, we're super close, but my dad struggled with addiction growing up. And so he was in and out of my life. And so there were just times where I didn't know if he was really going to come and pick me up.
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
You know, I just I did the trust wasn't there. I felt let down. There were, you know, moments that that that that happened all the way up into, you know, high school and other things that happened. So I had to go back to those times that were painful. that those times that I just had to forgive my dad. I was like, I have to forgive you. You were struggling with drug addiction.
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
You were not the best version of yourself. And now that you are, we get to make up for that. We get to make up for that time. And as I healed that and I talked to him about it, a lot changed for me. As I forgave him, I forgave my own self. for spending so many years, you know, in that dark space and connecting that to my art.
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
You know, if I thought that I had done something wrong, you know, why wasn't he showing up for me? And so when you go and you in the back of your head are thinking that you're doing something wrong, that your own dad isn't around,
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
if in your art you feel like people are not liking what it is that you're doing or they're judging you or whatever it's so all it's intertwined you know the feeling of like them leaving you like your dad left you you never want to feel that And so I had to get to a place where I was I understood what that was and I had to let go and I had to be OK with knowing that there's nothing wrong with me.
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
If if if folks don't want to come to my party, you know, even me hiding in the bathroom, they don't they didn't want to come to my party. OK, that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with me. My dad, it wasn't nothing wrong wrong with me while my dad wasn't around. he was struggling, he was battling and people are battling so many things.
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
People are into different things that perhaps what you're doing doesn't necessarily align with it or they just plain might not like it and that's okay. But do you like you?
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
You know, breakups were intense because it just mirrored that. But now like there are moments where, you know, I was dating someone and, you know, we broke up and and and I just was like, I will never talk to this person again. The way they made me feel, I will never talk to them again. And after I started to go through therapy and I have an emotional support coach that I talk to.
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
um after which by the way therapy like we're we're benefiting from therapy i just really wish that it was free for every person around the world i really really really do wish that there was a fund that everybody could access to where they could have therapy they could have somebody to talk to and work through i do believe that we will be in a much better shape as a community as a nation as a world
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Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
Okay, so I was in Ibiza, Spain. And then I stayed there for probably like five or six days, which was like an experience. Like it is a party place. So we did not go to sleep. I went with like 10 of my other friends and we didn't go to sleep till like seven in the morning, every morning. I can't even say night. But it was so fun. It was that ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. That Ooch Ooch music.