Jack Shaw
Appearances
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
Well, really, the most Jewish thing about them is how much my dad hates Jewish people. Right. It really is. It's a very Jewish thing to hate Judaism.
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
Did you not see the dude's junk when he was dumping on your chest?
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
Oh, shit, time for the Jewish portion of the show, guys. Lock the door, gas the room. Let's have a good time, okay? Oh, man, I love being Jewish in Texas, guys. I'm exotic here, dude. I am. I've been making shit up, dude. I've been telling people, we still eat babies. I'm having a good time, man. Oh, you guys didn't like that. Okay, that's fine. It's okay, man. I was an angry kid growing up.
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
I got in some fights growing up. Like, one time at camp, this kid hit me in the head with a ping pong paddle, so I kicked him in the balls. And like, I know that's a cheap shot, but I was such a bad counselor. Okay. I'm trying to learn how to fight. I started taking a Muay Thai class, which was pretty cool. And I don't know why that's funny, you fuckers, dude. Jesus Christ. It was pretty cool.
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
The first day I got there, I found out that everyone gets a nickname, and this is true. My nickname was Jew Bitch. The Latino guys had a field day with that one, dude. No pun intended, man. But I found out...
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
I found out that the only way to get a new nickname was to fight for it, so I stuck with the nickname. All right. Thank you guys so much.
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
Oh, more Thai. Muay. Muay. Muay. Muay. Muay. There you go. It's Jewish, man. It's an accent. It's an accent, no? It's Muay Thai, dude. I'm having a Muay Thai. What are we having for dinner tonight?
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
I guess. No, Prozac didn't really calm me down. It actually kind of gave me the confidence to do comedy, really. Wow. I was super nervous and afraid of everything, and then I got on that. It was super helpful. Amazing. Yeah, that's not funny, but it's a good thing.
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
The outside in general, dude, I didn't like going out there. I was depressed, man. I just didn't like myself. And, you know, it was... It made me feel okay to look in the mirror. Jesus Christ. Bro, seriously? What the... Tell him, how about, hey, how's your day, man?
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
I've been out here, dude. Life's been good. I got a dog back home. Is it a little scared Jewish dog? It's a little, yeah. He's trying to think of a pun. Couldn't think of one. Okay. He's a husky and a dachshund mix. So he's like an angry fucking dog.
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
That poor little Dotson. You better fuck this husky, dude. Yeah.
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
He's staying with my parents right now, and my dad keeps threatening... My dad hates him a lot, and he keeps threatening to put lighter fluid on him and send him to the Palisades. I'm not, it's just a... All right, go ahead, ask him more questions.
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
You should have quit while you were ahead. Incredible. Your dad is wild. What does your dad do for work? He was a comedy writer for his career. Oh my God, what did he work on? He worked on a lot of game shows. He worked on the Hollywood Squares for a while. He worked on some sitcoms. He worked on The Nanny. Remember that show?
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
Wow, so he's retired now? He's retired by force. He can't find any work. Wow. Yeah, it's super cool. Is he jealous of you? Did he ever do stand-up comedy? He did, dude, and he's really proud. He's really proud, man. He's proud.
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
Yeah, I have a brother. He's 10 years older than me. He's from my dad's first failed marriage. He's on his second with my mom. Okay. Wow.
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
They do not love each other. No, that's not totally true, but I hear them whisper fighting in the other room all the time. I bet. Such a fucking bitch, Sherry. Shut up. I don't want to hear Jack call you a fucking bitch.
KILL TONY
#713 - SAM TALLENT + IAN EDWARDS
Hey, guys. I'm very happy I just got an acting manager. I've always wanted to be an actor, and I don't love the types of auditions that they're sending me out for. The first audition I ever got was for a college student who gets the shit kicked out of him.
KILL TONY
#713 - SAM TALLENT + IAN EDWARDS
And I don't know if you know how acting works, but a casting director saw my face and said, this kid is perfect to have the shit kicked out of him. And then my favorite audition I got was for creepy 80s porn projectionist, which I fucking nailed. And then most recently I went out for dumb guy number two who is sensitive to sound and cannot make eye contact.
KILL TONY
#713 - SAM TALLENT + IAN EDWARDS
So I think my type is fucking autistic and... Turns out I did well because I got a callback for that role, and it was down to me and a guy named Trevor who was, like, severely autistic. And somehow, I got the part, guys, so...
KILL TONY
#713 - SAM TALLENT + IAN EDWARDS
That's not a real name. Sadiqian? Yeah. Is that Armenian? I think he's Iranian. Iranian. Uh-oh.
KILL TONY
#713 - SAM TALLENT + IAN EDWARDS
Yeah, dude. What have you done? That commercial I was talking about, it was a Spectrum commercial.
KILL TONY
#713 - SAM TALLENT + IAN EDWARDS
I said, is that a metaphor? That's it, that's it. Well, I'm sold. We should have said, we're on the spectrum. Okay, all right, shouldn't have said that, maybe not. Well, I did that joke about 30 seconds ago. Yeah, well.
KILL TONY
#713 - SAM TALLENT + IAN EDWARDS
I played a lawyer, of course. I did a Hulu show. That's coming out. That's pretty cool, I guess.
KILL TONY
#713 - SAM TALLENT + IAN EDWARDS
I didn't do it. It wasn't me who occupied it. Okay, all right, all right.