Ian Edwards
👤 PersonPodcast Appearances
So let's talk. What's your last name? Lieberman. The first guy looked way more Lieberman than you.
So let's talk. What's your last name? Lieberman. The first guy looked way more Lieberman than you.
So let's talk. What's your last name? Lieberman. The first guy looked way more Lieberman than you.
It's just fun watching a gay Sebastian Maniscalco. And they say, never meet your heroes.
It's just fun watching a gay Sebastian Maniscalco. And they say, never meet your heroes.
It's just fun watching a gay Sebastian Maniscalco. And they say, never meet your heroes.
I also don't understand why you think you're fertile. You're wasting plan B, bro.
I also don't understand why you think you're fertile. You're wasting plan B, bro.
I also don't understand why you think you're fertile. You're wasting plan B, bro.
It's like Bruce Lee's son is doing comedy. Yeah. Bruce Lee-tard.
It's like Bruce Lee's son is doing comedy. Yeah. Bruce Lee-tard.
It's like Bruce Lee's son is doing comedy. Yeah. Bruce Lee-tard.
What made your dad open a nail salon? My dad, he liked nail.
What made your dad open a nail salon? My dad, he liked nail.
What made your dad open a nail salon? My dad, he liked nail.
Right. That's controlling vegetables, yeah.
Right. That's controlling vegetables, yeah.
Right. That's controlling vegetables, yeah.
I should have asked which half. She controls her vegetables.
I should have asked which half. She controls her vegetables.
I should have asked which half. She controls her vegetables.
Like, what's the most Jabberwocky thing about you?
Like, what's the most Jabberwocky thing about you?
Like, what's the most Jabberwocky thing about you?
What's Jabberwocky? Come on, man. Let's act. Don't play that game with me.
What's Jabberwocky? Come on, man. Let's act. Don't play that game with me.
What's Jabberwocky? Come on, man. Let's act. Don't play that game with me.
You haven't been here that much. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it.
You haven't been here that much. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it.
You haven't been here that much. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it.
Okay, okay. Right. Take your time, Steve Buscemi.
Okay, okay. Right. Take your time, Steve Buscemi.
Okay, okay. Right. Take your time, Steve Buscemi.
All right. Let's keep talking about the... How do you... Is there a section on Grindr where the dude says, I like Coke or I got Coke? Like, how do you... I think it's implied on Grindr.
All right. Let's keep talking about the... How do you... Is there a section on Grindr where the dude says, I like Coke or I got Coke? Like, how do you... I think it's implied on Grindr.
All right. Let's keep talking about the... How do you... Is there a section on Grindr where the dude says, I like Coke or I got Coke? Like, how do you... I think it's implied on Grindr.
Red Band, getting involved. Eat two, Red Band. Is that your mystery machine double parked outside?
Red Band, getting involved. Eat two, Red Band. Is that your mystery machine double parked outside?
Red Band, getting involved. Eat two, Red Band. Is that your mystery machine double parked outside?
Never hire a dog sitter off Grindr ever again. Yeah.
Never hire a dog sitter off Grindr ever again. Yeah.
Never hire a dog sitter off Grindr ever again. Yeah.
So do you put the ice cream down the CPAP machine? It's the only way he'll use it.
So do you put the ice cream down the CPAP machine? It's the only way he'll use it.
So do you put the ice cream down the CPAP machine? It's the only way he'll use it.
And you have this? Bowling, huh? My mom is bipolar, you son of a bitch.
And you have this? Bowling, huh? My mom is bipolar, you son of a bitch.
And you have this? Bowling, huh? My mom is bipolar, you son of a bitch.
So all the time you stalked her at the bar, you never saw nothing like this coming?
So all the time you stalked her at the bar, you never saw nothing like this coming?
So all the time you stalked her at the bar, you never saw nothing like this coming?
I can't really talk about it. Ooh. Does that mean you're going to fly a plane into a tower? Absolutely.
I can't really talk about it. Ooh. Does that mean you're going to fly a plane into a tower? Absolutely.
I can't really talk about it. Ooh. Does that mean you're going to fly a plane into a tower? Absolutely.
And I was holding back from all my racist point jokes.
And I was holding back from all my racist point jokes.
And I was holding back from all my racist point jokes.
Were you angry when Ankar came on right before you?
Were you angry when Ankar came on right before you?
Were you angry when Ankar came on right before you?
Ah. Guess what? That orphan's going to jail.
Ah. Guess what? That orphan's going to jail.
Ah. Guess what? That orphan's going to jail.
Wow. That's redundant, man. Wow. You'll get killed faster than the black guy. Yeah.
Wow. That's redundant, man. Wow. You'll get killed faster than the black guy. Yeah.
Wow. That's redundant, man. Wow. You'll get killed faster than the black guy. Yeah.
You know what's fucked up, man? When I emailed you and asked you for a copy of the book.
You know what's fucked up, man? When I emailed you and asked you for a copy of the book.
You know what's fucked up, man? When I emailed you and asked you for a copy of the book.
Still, it would have been easier. And I'm a better DJ, also.
Still, it would have been easier. And I'm a better DJ, also.
Still, it would have been easier. And I'm a better DJ, also.
Yeah. You mean Star Wars or Spaceballs 3?
Yeah. You mean Star Wars or Spaceballs 3?
Yeah. You mean Star Wars or Spaceballs 3?
It's not a curtain, but... A brick sheet.
I did seven one time in the city, and I barely made any of them.
And I'm like, I'm going to get fired.
They're not going to book me again.
Which bumps me, which makes me late for my five sets.
They're like, bro, what you got back there?
That's how I got in the cellar the first time.
He used to wear a blazer and used to bark for the Boston.
You might have been in L.A.
Yeah, Louis Schaefer, I think.
And so then he used to get people into the Boston.
Don't expect me to complete most of my sentences.
So, um, so what were you saying about him?
So he was at the cellar doing the same thing, and he already worked at the Boston around the corner.
And then I was just going over to the cellar to hang, and he was like, somebody's missing.
And I went up, and then Esty, he told Esty, I don't know if they were recording back then, but she just started giving me spots.
Everything's kind of close.
Everything's kind of close.
Once I got in the city, I didn't want to go anywhere else.
I just wanted to do the city spots, the Carolines, the stand up New York, the cellar, the Boston, sometimes the strip once in a while, because then you could just hang out in one place afterwards and kick it with everybody and just laugh.
So then sometimes I'd have like a college that paid way more money.
And I'd be like, fuck, I ain't going to be in the city.
This is a terrible weekend.
And no matter how the gig went, sometimes it's just do the upstate, tri-state, whatever gig it was, and then just head back, just storm right back to the city and hang.
The hang was everything.
Going on the road by yourself sucks.
Yeah, starting to make it sucks.
Because you can't afford to bring who you want with you yet.
You're still trying to establish yourself.
And you're away from your comedy family.
And so you're making a little money.
But like the camaraderie and the hang.
You know what I did love about New York?
How brutally honest all the comics were to each other.
So even like Patrice, he had just dropped a special, but then he just went on this thing of like, I forgot the type of material he was doing, but we confronted him about that shit.
It makes me wonder if that wall is real.
Like, hey man, that shit is hacky.
And he was just doing it for a minute, just fucking around.
But he didn't get upset or nothing.
And we'd tell each other shit.
I remember I had too many black and white jokes.
And we did a gig out of town.
And it was a bunch of black comics.
We'd come back in the van.
And they were killing me.
You're talking about black people cook like this, white people cook like this.
Because they were like, you got a lot of black and white jokes.
I was like, no, I don't.
And they was like, yeah, you do.
And they started naming them.
And I was like, oh, shit.
I never wanted to have black people this, white people that jokes.
That's how weird comedy is.
It's like, there's levels to it.
Like, first you gotta get your first five minutes.
And you get your first five minutes, you're feeling like, I can kill.
I can go from beginning to end and kill.
But then, now you gotta get ten.
And then you're gonna start, like, you're watering down your solid five.
You're not getting that exhilaration that you worked so hard for in a five.
When I started doing comedy, I used to go to the comic strip, and they had a brick wall, too.
And then by the time you get to 15, you could host somewhere on the road.
And then you might go out of your state, two miles out of your state,
realize oh shit these jokes were dependent on where I live yep didn't they do not work here yep I went to I had all these Jamaican jokes about being Jamaican because there's so many Jamaicans in New York and I went with some comics to do temple and it was in a big it might have been where they play basketball
Like, Terry Hodges was on the show, a bunch of strong black comics.
And my opener was a Jamaican, a joke about being Jamaican, my clothes, and killed in New York.
And I did the first joke.
And people had been killing before me.
And to get on stage at the comic strip, you had to come the first Friday of every month and try to pick a number.
In a stadium full of people.
And then I start panicking on the inside, which definitely showed on the outside.
And then I was like, let me go for my middle joke.
You know, which is my second strongest joke.
I was like, I got to do 15 minutes.
I'm on my closer by the third joke.
But thank God they booed.
I didn't have to struggle.
I was the only one that bombed that night.
And I bombed because, like...
Like I said, I moved here when I was 17, so I didn't have enough American shit.
The Jamaican shit about me growing up in Jamaica just started working, but there was a radius to that shit.
That shit would work in Florida.
That shit would work in D.C.
And that shit would work in New York.
And maybe one of the places where there's a concentration of Jamaicans or West Indian people.
And American people that grew up with them.
I would say at least 2,000.
And these assholes were like, yo, we're going to the after party.
And if you got a number, they had, like, a lot of things.
But I stayed in the hotel room and I had a great night.
I watched Dumb and Dumber for the first time and laughed my ass off.
Well, shows like that are important.
They suck a fat dick, but they teach you.
Yeah, then I realized, oh, you're only going to kill in town.
Now you got to figure out universal truths of comedy.
There was, like, all these open micas lined up down the street.
Very funny Tony Hinchcliffe.
I mean, what you told him is only true if you didn't get a flow going.
This is the dreadlocks Ian's days.
Did you get a flow going?
Yeah, I got a flow going.
You didn't have dreadlocks?
I might have had, like, twists and shit.
And that's another thing.
And after the year, they don't record those hours.
In Europe, England, Australia, because I've been to those festivals that do their hour and then retire it after the last big festival.
And I said, did you record those?
Because you could have, like, have a backlog of shit to, like, put online.
To catch people up with you, to create views.
And they probably forgot how it works, too.
Please don't find none of those photos.
Yeah, they weren't doing that back then.
But how do you retire something without at least having like one big record of it?
Well, they have a weird system over there.
How long have I known you?
Like 30 years or some shit.
Yeah, we've known each other 30 years.
Whatever stage of life they're in, whatever stage of politics they're in.
Yeah, I've seen somewhere that they look kind of one-man showy or one-woman showy.
So there's gaps of talking.
Which is fine because like...
It's just a different thing.
It's just a different thing.
It's crazy when I'm like, not how, but.
I need to do more of that.
Because you live in L.A.
Like, I see you say some stuff.
I see other people say some stuff.
And I'm like, I don't even wonder how I'm not like that.
We just had no fucking idea.
But it's making me think now.
Just if I'm to get to this flow state that I want to get to, to the last dragon face, you know what I mean?
When you're on stage and the glow is around you.
Like, I might have to, like, step on that plank.
Like how all this shit would turn out.
Oh, shit, it's been five years?
That's just the way it came out.
Yeah, man, it's been five years.
I just knew once I had the inclination to do it, the moment I had the inclination to do it, I said, oh, I'm doing this for the rest of my life.
And I don't mind doing that.
I have bits that offend people that shouldn't even offend people.
Oh, there's always going to be that.
But there are bits where I'm like, all right, I'm going for it here.
Once that moment hit, so then all bets on everything else was off.
But there is like, I still have these rules about offending people.
You don't want to offend them.
Not that I don't want some people, some things that I think are ridiculous.
But there cannot be a paper trail back to me where I have to apologize.
careful protagonist or careful antagonist yeah you know like I do want to antagonize I do want to say some shit but I'd be like I can't say it that way so so I don't know maybe I have to take more
more risk I gotta figure this out like like you know how you talk about these naturally like we talked about Joey and we talked about cat and all these and cam I feel like there's a gear left in me oh right yeah that I'm that I'm having trouble accessing well
And I just started just doing it.
And I don't want to be like them, but I feel like there's this freedom in my version of me.
And just doing it locally in Long Island.
That's pretty fucking crazy.
And then I remember seeing A&E at the Improv and seeing Chappelle on there.
And I noticed that all the comics on Long Island that used to be ahead of me and host the shows that I was doing the mics on and headlined all weekend in Long Island, none of those comics were on TV.
I remember the first time I killed
And it's nothing now, but at that moment... It's nothing now.
But when I've seen, like, Jerry Seinfeld at the same club kill for an hour on a weekend... Right, right, right.
In his prime, I was like, oh, shit, I didn't really kill.
But the first time, like...
Getting a great response.
Getting a great response from beginning to end after like you're struggling, you're struggling.
You barely got one joke that works.
And then I went on that night and everything just hit.
But not only did everything just hit, I watched it.
Like, it was a real out-of-body experience.
Like, I was watching me.
I was watching the audience.
And then when I was done and the applause and the laughter, I floated off.
And then I was really addicted.
That's when I got... Because I...
I'd never even done drugs then, but I said, this is what drugs feels like.
And I'm addicted to that.
Like, you might think it doesn't fuck with you.
Yeah, it doesn't because I don't.
Yeah, because I did it that night without trying.
I walked on stage just like that night, just like any other night.
So what was the difference with that night that I had this passenger ride?
Were you recording back then?
So I was like, I got to get to Manhattan.
All the comics that were on TV were in Manhattan.
I record all my sets now.
And then I do have those moments when you're like, I didn't even remember saying that.
This is the best thing I've said in months.
It was tough for me to get myself to listen to myself.
Yeah, that gave me chills because I've seen that.
I've seen that there on that show.
Because some people, they'll just come to town for that one night or that one day.
If that's all they can do.
And see if they can get up.
And if they don't get up, it's a drag.
If you do get up, if you just do mediocre, that's not good either.
Then you got to try to come back.
But, yeah, it's worth it.
They fucking deserve that.
You said it in a place where Mike Tyson.
Yeah, it's like fighting Mike Tyson when he was 20 is the first time you ever lace up the gloves.
You didn't take one practice.
And your first opponent is Mike Tyson in his prime.
After he just beat Trevor Burbick.
Because I feel like some of those people are narcissists.
I watched some of those backyard fights.
Oh, I watch a lot of those.
Like I forgot the one that I watch, but it's pretty popular.
And they got like a cage, a fence around it.
And they try to make it official.
But I'm like, I'm watching this more than I watch UFC.
There's something about it.
What is it about that that I won't watch Division II soccer.
I'll watch Premier League.
Like, do you watch the other professional below UFC leagues sometimes?
But, like, for me, I'm a soccer snob, so I want to watch.
There's too many of the best guys playing all week.
It's got the sauna walls and shit.
I wanted to ask you about this one guy.
I stumbled on, they said he's the best fighter in history.
He was in the UFC little.
So he started out when he was 19 in this thing where it's like flat, but kind of like a little slope.
Like banked on the sides?
No, but this was a black guy.
And then he had a kid, then became a cop.
And then maybe like when he was like...
You pulled up with your ship.
You just give me one fucking name.
I feel like we knew, though.
I'll tell you exactly who this is.
I can't even give you one organization.
It's like a YouTube video?
Yeah, it's a YouTube video.
They put the compilation together.
But let me tell you something.
I've been to some fights with you, and I've watched a little.
I remember the first time I saw Israel.
I saw his compilation stuff before.
And this was before USC.
And then I said, hey, man, is this guy real?
So Izzy's a perfect example.
Like, we had some type of blueprint because we'd seen, like, successful comics.
Let's try Mike something Junior.
It was probably like six months ago.
And he's married to like a female fighter now.
But he was like, his style was like, you know, the type of stream of consciousness type of comedy.
He would do the, you know, the thunder kick on the regular.
But to go from, like, and I came here, moved to America when I was 17 from Jamaica.
Rolling Thunder kick on the regular.
That was just, like, standard.
Like, his feet were his hands.
And his hands were, like, feet, too.
And he was just very explosive.
And he did, one time, a few times, like, two guys beat him because he did go to the UFC for a little bit towards the end of his career.
And they did fight some K-1 shit.
He fought in everything.
God, you're driving me crazy.
I wish I had more info, bro.
So when I started watching TV, I didn't know anybody on TV.
I should have bookmarked this guy.
You should have bookmarked him.
I should have bookmarked this guy because I was like, I need to know if this guy is really like this narrator is saying.
But he fought in all the legit things.
Did you get hoodwinked by some AI?
Trying to figure out who this would be.
I guess that might be better.
Yeah, what year are we talking about?
I would say he might have ended his career like 2008, 2005-ish or something like that.
Because I was like, when I was watching it, I was like, oh, I got to stop watching first fights.
But then it got to like, oh, this guy's retired now.
I didn't know anybody on TV.
And he was like, he retired like maybe like
I remember one time we went to a fight.
And then I said, hey, Joe, why are they, you know, they walk to the ring together with their whole crew.
And then right before they get into the ring, they hug everybody.
And I was like, why are they hugging?
They're going to be right there.
outside of the octagon and they're going to be yelling instructions and they were in the locker room together but right before the person enters a ring it's almost like a goodbye because i might not exit this ring the same way i entered yes or at exit at all yes you know so it's that's that's what fighting is to me is like that's how dangerous it is like when you're like
Well, we have American shows on TV in Jamaica.
We had one channel back then.
So when I came here, I watched SNL because Eddie Murphy was on that shit.
So that was a requirement.
I was always watching that.
And he's got some movement.
It's two different things.
It's two different things.
Plus he's Irish, you didn't count the amount of bar fights he had.
I might run past the question.
How do I stop this thing from moving so I can hit it?
Yeah, but I was five years old.
He just walked right into it.
I mean, just beautiful, man.
Yeah, Ali took him to his world.
It's like this is a moving man sport.
We're not going to just stand in front of each other and just have a slugfest.
It's extra embarrassing with that hairstyle.
You had your hair done, bro.
Like, you had to conk it.
You had some women fixing it up and pressing it for the fight so you could go out afterwards.
Like, he never wore the suit that he bought to go with that hairstyle for the after party.
I feel like because of his reputation and how many punches he's taken in his life, in his career before this, you have to let this keep going.
And you know what was unfair about Ali?
Because, you know, all the boxers back then had chins.
So you feel like somebody with Ali's style would not have a chin.
But he had just as good a chin as anybody else, and he wouldn't let you hit it.
And then if you did catch him and get in a slugfest, you wouldn't knock him out because this motherfucker could take a hit.
I got a little room for error.
Look at this right here.
I always got a little room for error.
To give him some breathing room.
And that was a Hearns fight.
That was Sugar Ray versus who?
I remember all those fights.
I remember the Hearns-Hagler fight.
That second round was like the greatest.
The first round was the greatest round.
How do you tear your glove when you're getting hit?
And one second in boxing is a huge difference.
I used to watch all these old fights, but it's so long, I can't remember the full details.
Like, I knew who you were talking about before you could remember his name.
Yeah, I forgot his name.
Like, you know, the arms let me know your legs are going.
The reach is ridiculous.
Yeah, say that to all Mike Tyson's opponents who got flatlined.
But that's why I like Mike Tyson.
Wasn't even six feet tall?
It wasn't even six feet tall, and he can get inside.
And sometimes he'd stay real down low, and you'd be throwing above his head.
And then he'd come up with it.
Which is near quitting age.
Or they just picked somebody funny.
Bernard Atkins had the most.
There's people they overlook all the time that we know are funny that could be on that show.
I know how I feel after not doing stand-up for one week.
So it's good that they picked Cam.
And your reflexes and everything.
All the twitching, everything.
And it was a heavier ship to move around to because he was heavier.
I'm going to say some positive derogatory shit about Cam.
You get heavier after 30.
He's joking around and shit.
Come on, Muhammad, take this serious.
So I can put on those gloves.
I remember one time he said, I'm so fast, I'll turn off the light and get into bed before it gets dark.
He was stand-up comedy funny.
When I watch his old videos, like normally you just watch a fight-or-fight.
I remember the first time I saw Cam.
I could watch a Muhammad Ali talking compilation.
That's how fucking entertaining this motherfucker was.
Yeah, he was so entertaining.
We were at... What's that room on 6?
And it was for the opiate crisis that they put in the Oxycontin here?
And what did the guy say?
And especially the word Al-Qaeda.
When I watched, was it Rambo 3?
Which was Rambo in Afghanistan.
And then you watch the credits.
And thank you for the brave fighters of Al-Qaeda.
It's in the credits, bro.
It's in the credits because...
He, when Rambo 3 was him helping Afghanistan fight the Russians.
So I think I just did your room.
So then we were funding Al-Qaeda.
You ever seen the movie Charlie Wilson's War?
You haven't seen Charlie Wilson's War?
frank tom hanks and he was a he's a congressman or senator that figured out a way to funnel money he knew congress wasn't going to give like like you know like we give we vote to have a package to go to israel so he they weren't gonna vote to give a package to like help us fight or
Then I went to the Vulcan.
And then they don't... What's his name?
Give money and weapons to al-Qaeda to fight the Russians during their war.
So then he figured out a way how to get funding and circumvent it to al-Qaeda so that they could fight the Russians.
Because it's all a part of the Cold War, right?
In Vietnam, Russia fought us, but through the Viet Cong.
And in Afghanistan, we fought them back through...
So what's the deal with the Ukraine?
Because I kind of know what's going on, but I'm kind of confused.
For the computer stuff and the phone stuff.
So then I knew he was next.
It was like the unknown show.
So then I bring him up and I watch him.
We're not supposed to arm them and have them nuclear weapons right next to Russia.
And then I had a tag for him.
And I said, I'm going to give you this tag after you got off stage.
I'm going to give you this tag, but it's only going to make you better than me.
And you're going to get picked up in advance.
Is there ever going to be a point where there'll be one person that the whole country loves?
I was angry and I loved him at the same time.
It felt like it was like that back in the day.
There were some people like that.
People always talk shit.
They just didn't have a public forum.
But if somebody talked shit about that guy, you know, the people he's talking that shit to, they'd be like, the fuck is wrong with you?
That's Larry Bird, you son of a bitch.
Just because he beat you in high school?
You know what I'm saying?
When somebody just got it and they're like, fuck this guy.
But also like just as a black person growing up and watching the news.
It always felt slanted and against us anyway.
And then either Neil Brennan said this or Chris Rock said this to Neil Brennan, like a lot of white people are finding out now that shit that black people always say.
new you know about like not trusting the cops all the time or the FBI all the time or pharmaceutical drug pharmaceutical drug companies all the time or yeah they will drop a shipment of drugs off and guns off in your neighborhood yeah and fuck it up and ruin it on purpose on purpose yeah because shit they guarding poppy fields
On another continent, where do you think that shit is going to go?
A bunch of times, right?
The anti-communist side we were funding.
The guerrillas who were fighting against the communist government, maybe?
They're like, just tell them this.
You don't think that was just his defense?
Then you're not perjuring yourself.
He couldn't remember shit.
But I feel like he got the Alzheimer's like 20 years later.
I don't remember years no more.
I don't remember either, honestly.
And if you're Reagan, do you want to remember everything that you did?
But this is how crazy it got.
Alzheimer's is almost like a blessing.
Two months later, I'm in L.A.
Yeah, I feel angry every time I think about that one because I was duped.
I was like, we got to go.
They got weapons of mass destruction.
Like, their thing that they ran on the news worked on me.
And, like, I never questioned it.
And I said, what's up, man?
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
He said, yeah, I'm here with my manager.
Your manager's managing him?
The thing I don't understand about 2008 is where did the money go?
So these bunch of people had the money.
But when they lost it, it didn't get burned.
Somebody else got the money.
So then why was everybody broke?
Because somebody else got rich.
Somebody else got rich, but what were they doing with the money?
Why did nobody have money?
Don't they say that's kind of happening now?
Sorry, I'm on a jet with Cam.
And also with the stimulus, like a lot of big companies got huge stimulus checks.
Like we got some dollars here and there, but they got- They got a lot of dollars.
So let me ask you a question.
But that's how close the parallels were.
And I had this question in my head 20 years ago because I noticed a lot of greed.
And I was like, 20 years ago, I was like, how much people, money, do the people that got money want?
And then now I still have that same question because I feel like those people should have had enough 20 years ago when I asked to be like,
All right, let me just chill.
It's probably a different set of people who are like they were 20 years ago.
But how much money do people want?
And if you get all the money and nobody has anything, do you really have money?
But the motherfucker's funny, man.
Because how are you going to get more money from people that don't have no money?
So my question is, is there an equation, right, to prove that –
Like our brains can't do it, but could some body into money?
Is there an equation that they could come up with to prove that you could make more money from peace than war?
And why are we pushing this equation?
Like you have to sit down and work on shit.
And they have a stronghold already.
They're not going to give up.
we walk by here, they're barking and yapping.
They're going to use them.
Yeah, with expiration dates on it.
But we as people, why are we buying this?
Because we know the deal.
And I'm like the most gullible motherfucker in the world.
You were the crazy person.
People stopped talking to you.
You got exiled from society.
One of the most disgraced presidents of all time frame.
Because he got rid of the gold standard.
So should we thank Bob Woodward or...
Because we don't know the bad shit that he did.
Why did Nixon want to get to the bottom of who killed him?
Because he was worried they were going to kill him.
So I figured he didn't like him.
But to me, like when I think about Watergate from what I remember of it, was it really that big of a deal?
Like it's so sensationalized.
What was the real crime?
Like what was the, somebody broke in somewhere.
And who are they listening to?
You know what makes me mad?
When you say that, I finally just see what Will is.
I mean, they've turned that dirty political game into life.
Like you said, if I know you, my phone is hacked.
Or just the, is it the NSA?
Because it's obvious to see what Cat Williams is.
Let's come up with something new.
Is this a legit news source?
And it's a part of him and it's his voice.
And I call it a comedy cheat because I don't have it.
But they're going to talk.
Then if they add some writing to it, then you don't stand a chance.
But I feel like when you turn something into a spy agency, it already was.
And you're just like, let's just make it official.
Right, they put satellites in overhead.
Right, and when we watch movies, and they're looking at parts of other countries to try to track down the villain in the movie, like...
They're giving away kind of what's really happening.
Joey Diaz is the ultimate.
So it is basically a spy organization.
Joey Diaz is the ultimate version of that.
I mean, I'm just... Even the alien shit.
Like, I believe in aliens.
I don't really got a lot of proof.
But the denial of it is my proof.
You know what I'm saying?
Just like how we were talking about back in the day.
If you didn't like the guy that everybody liked, they ostracized you.
If you believed in aliens, they ostracized you.
And everything from the... It's like when they used to teach us you got to drink milk.
It strengthens your bones.
Then you realize milk passed a certain amount of time.
If you keep drinking it, it's bad for you.
Like everything that was bad for you,
is good for you and everything that was good for you, we find out is bad for you.
Oh, yeah, that gives people cancer.
And glyphosate was Monsanto before they sold the company to the German company Bayer.
Fucking glyphosate poisoning?
Now, I can't even remember the order of this shit because of glyphosate poisoning.
Because people are gross.
The money they spend to lie, right?
It's like, you could have put that money into making this shit healthy and good.
percentage of the profits that you pay off people with because they got damaged by your product and you keep moving because you're a piece of shit and you don't care but oh say you you say you win so you make some money yeah but you spent some money you spent so much money like with the lawsuits keeping people in court you made more money though don't worry but
I feel like you made more money than you spent, but the money you spent could have been spent to make a good, healthy product.
Theo's got that a little bit, too.
Yeah, and we saw Theo develop that through the years, and then he just started drifting off.
It's crazy because when I was growing up in New York, I got bamboozled once for $100.
I was at the Roosevelt Field Mall, and I was leaving, and there was this dude, and he was holding a brand-new box with a VCR in it.
And he's, like, trying to sell it.
And I was like, hey, man, could I see it first before I give you the $100?
If I open, rip away the plastic and open this box...
And you don't buy it, then the next person who comes won't buy it because it won't be new.
And I was like, this is a deal.
I gave him $100, got on the bus.
Got on the bus, drove home.
saved me so much yes because i always like i was just always on a swivel looking out for like where is the trick and then sometimes i just wouldn't do something if i didn't even see the trick because i like that is there's something here but then the iraq war was like
My version of the VCR, like recently, like that shit.
Yeah, I was in New York.
Yeah, that shit, like...
I was living in L.A., but I was visiting.
And I was so homesick for New York.
When I'd go back to New York back then, I'd stay a while, you know.
And then the night before the trade center went down, you know, Will Silvins, he was living in Jersey City.
And I used to live in that apartment in Jersey City.
So then he's like, I'm going to have some people over.
So I took the train and took the World Trade Center, the train, the PATH train.
And it's funny because back then when I was living here and going to New York, I was like, let me look around.
Let me, there's so much shit that I didn't pay attention to before.
And so I was in the World Trade Center the day before it went down, like.
damn I didn't even notice how great this ceiling was and how much detail they put into shit and I got on the train went to Will's crib and then I got a ride home that night so next morning my sister woke me up and I'm like watching the first tower with a plane sticking out of it and then I was like I was yesterday and then I'm watching as I ain't no another plane
And then I almost hit under the bed.
I was in Long Island, so.
But I just like, I was like, we're under attack.
And you're like, I don't know where these attacks are coming from.
And I don't normally feel like a coward.
But I was like, something, where are they going to attack next?
So it was just that type of vibe.
Who was in charge back then?
So Woodrow Wilson said it?
And confusion is the greatest weapon.
Cause it's a German word.
Cause they, they had putches in Germany.
Yeah, dirty from day one.
Smedley, God bless him with that face.
I wouldn't trust him, but he was more trustworthy than his face.
He probably needed glasses.
They had shitty glasses back then.
He's like, he has this cash with teller.
Cash, like, do something to look more believable.
When you're not telling the truth and you're doing that, it's a problem.
The promise of something better from either party, because both of them ain't shit.
And you can only switch parties once.
If you're a politician or just if you're like a regular citizen?
I mean, I don't even blame someone who does that.
I would play this game with Brody where I'd just treat him like an open mic-er.
I think you have to prove so hard to people that's been Republicans that you're a Republican that you go overboard.
It's like I grew up in Long Island.
There's some hard pockets of hardcore motherfuckers there.
But they were trying to beat Brooklyn.
But they're not in Brooklyn.
So you ain't going to get the respect of Brooklyn.
You ain't going to get the respect of Bronx.
So it's like we got to wild out down here.
And so they had a place like Wine Dance.
You don't want to go to wine dance.
I've never even heard of it.
Yeah, it's tough down there.
Some good rappers came out of wine dance, too.
Yeah, Staten Island was wild, too.
But they had the credit of being a borough.
Like Queens, Brooklyn, Bronx, Staten Island.
Long Island is like, what are you?
Yeah, you're the suburbs.
But they're like, no, no, we get down.
And he would just play along.
Is it considered a borough officially?
Like, you grew up in Boston.
like were you in boston boston and if you were what about the parts outside of boston that felt left out of the notoriety right like like they weren't getting the street cred they had zero street cred right you know wubern wuber no that's hilarious framingham outside of boston yeah but but you want to be like if they go somewhere yeah
I was like, keep going up, kid, man.
You're going to get better.
They say they're from Boston.
They say they're from Boston.
You're going to get better spots.
What the fuck are you talking about?
New York is like that, too.
Like, I'm from New York.
Yeah, you're not going to pass the second part of the where you from quiz.
He's like, thank you, sir.
And that's when they're going, going on.
There's no second question once you say Queens.
She's Jenny from the Bronx.
It's always, you know what?
If you're trying to lie, just name, like you said, name the part you're from, like where you're from.
But if you say New York.
That's when shit is suspect.
I mean, that's why Brody was funny, because he stood on his.
Nobody rapped for the valley.
I say I'm from New York.
He didn't say I'm from L.A.
He said I'm from Reseda.
He named the town, named the area code of his phone number, and stood on that shit.
Dude, I never even tried to live in L.A.
yeah but this is also right where everything is like how do you sleep that's that's but it felt like that's what you you moved to hollywood to be in hollywood to become a part that's that's that that was the thinking yeah so even like i've known you even you saying you never lived there that's a shock to me yeah my thinking was the opposite my thing was like i gotta get outside of this thing damn well i found out i lived in bell canyon for a while and one of the things where the hell is that it's a
I mean, it's a push to have, like, a...
I lived in Hollywood, but it was in the cut.
Ivar if you go Ivar you're at the bottom of the hills and it's quiet it's pretty and then then you come out right but it was so I was like oh I like this but on the flats like just like in Hollywood Hollywood like I get what you're saying but I did feel like I needed to be near it
What the fuck am I doing with my life?
So did you plot your life out a lot?
And that's scary to me because I never want that to happen to me.
So I was doing all those shows that you were doing, like, for the hour, for the feature.
First I started hosting, but then I was like, I need to get on TV so that I can get on the road.
And then people book me and then come see me.
So then I said, let me go to Manhattan, which takes me out of the hour situation.
But in these 15 minute spots, build, people see me, put you on this TV show, put you on that TV show.
And like as a stand up, you know, like, you know, like the improv or whatever, like stand up show that they were having.
And because back then it's like a few late night show appearances and then boom, then you could be on the road.
And that was my mentality for probably.
way after the shit changed.
Oh, you hung on to it too long.
Yeah, even living in L.A.
I remember, I was with Kevin Hart, right?
And I wrote on his sitcom, The Big House.
And then he's booking, he's a good actor.
Like, when he walks, I've helped him audition before, but I didn't really help him audition.
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And he wouldn't say all the words, but he would nail the feeling of the shit.
He's like, you don't have to remember everything.
And it was like, it was an eye-opening experience.
And then, but then he said, I want to be on the road like Cat Williams.
I was like, why you want to do that?
And then, then the fame of the TV show will get you on the road.
Thank God that nigga didn't listen to me.
He's doing like $1,500, you know, the route to build and collecting emails.
Fucking Kevin Hart's Kevin Hart.
half fake brick wall but to have like a plastic brick wall that's you're going too far did you just leave the pool hall like fuck this place no I did no I'm a junkie I stayed but the brick used to bother me that it was fake brick at the other studio I'm like we're kind of bullshitting here
Yeah, and I don't want that to happen to me.
The original Arsenio Hall show.
I had an incident with, I don't even know if I should say his name because I feel bad.
Yeah, you had a strong... It was okay.
Yeah, no, I know, but it was big for then, I think, your social media.
So he was in all these movies, like big movies.
That's that into perpetuity type shit that they put in contracts when you do like a stand-up set on something.
Like, what do you plan on doing this material?
And then they say, they actually mentioned space and planets.
You know, he was never like a major star, but he's in these movies and TV shows.
There's some contracts like that.
He was that generation, like maybe a one and a half generations before us.
How much were they paying you a week?
And he's a regular at the store.
I know this is Spotify, but there's a lot of beef about Spotify right now.
Just artists ain't getting paid.
And the first time Tommy sent me to do La Jolla, I used to feature.
How do you get your shit played outside of... It's easy to avoid a label.
But how do you get your shit heard?
Both things are happening.
And that's where, like, artists used to get ripped off in their deals, but they used to make money touring.
But then Tommy booked me to headline La Jolla and told...
But then they cut into the touring now.
Well, because they weren't making any money selling records anymore.
Because who was making the money selling records?
Yeah, I don't know how if, like, I got, like, my specialist coming out on YouTube, so I got, there's a way for comics to do it without signing a big deal or signing everything away, giving it over to somebody for less than you showed, or even if it pays a legit amount.
And I don't know if this guy knew he was supposed to feature, but when he got to the club, like when I first of all, I brought a date.
But I don't know, if you're a musician, what way you can get your shit heard.
So you're supposed to get the you're staying in the condo and you're supposed to get the the the headliner bedroom.
He should have been at least Chubby Checker.
That's the number four on the pop charts.
Chubby Checker got so much mileage off the twist.
I've never seen somebody get that much mileage.
I was like, what's that?
First of all, he looks like a Def Jam comic.
Or even like an Arsenio Hall, like back in the days.
Yeah, because I'm listening to it.
I was like, let's stop there.
let's stop there and take that in for a second yeah and then it switched i wasn't even ready for the switch but i was like let me go let me go with this and it's so good then i could see it in like the beginning or the end of so many tv shows right like i was like oh yeah this is this is the guy that wrote that song tommy james performed it and recorded it a year after that wow let me just listen to him
So I had to take the... You said his name.
But I didn't say his last name.
First of all, when loop-de-loop was a hit and then he made the other song and it wasn't a hit, I know he was pissed.
Y'all ain't heard of Live?
Listen to their Live shit.
I wonder what people with internet minds back then did.
So Bling shit was in the headliner bedroom.
Yeah, because school already trains us for it.
The bell rings, you get up, you go to the next class and-
I didn't get labeled because I don't know why.
I kind of like my father and them was like, you know, they're immigrants.
They're like, so you got to work hard.
So you got to like apply yourself.
They went out of their way to provide this opportunity.
So I didn't want to blow it up to a certain point.
But at a certain point, like I was going to do comedy, which was something that they didn't expect or would have wanted me to do.
And then when we went to the store that night and he found out...
But high school and college, like I didn't mind.
Maybe around college, that's when shit started to get like a little wonky.
But the high school shit, like, all right, I can get some good grades.
I can follow that blueprint up until there and a little bit after.
But then in college, that's when shit like.
I knew that I always wanted to have...
make a decent amount of money and be middle class.
That was the, I was like, so you gotta go to college, right?
like the host was on or the comic that they booked before and then he walked out oh no he walked out he said I'm headlining so then the guy that ran the store I think it was Ryan at the time I don't know if he was there he was like just go up and we'll pay you the headline
That's the way we were programmed.
But the instant comedy came into my mind, it was never a risk for me.
Like I was never risking that stability for the gamble of comedy.
What did it feel like instead of a risk?
only thing to do yeah i know what you mean like this there was a switch and once you turned it on that shit was broke it couldn't go back the other way and this is what we was doing yeah that's kind of how you have to be if you want to do it i think that's the same with music i think that's the same with literature you want to write books i feel lucky about it though
Because there's people that were able to turn their switch back off.
Listen, and I feel bad for those people.
We don't even know what happened to this guy who we just played.
What went wrong, what deterred him, what took him off track.
But he clearly had something.
I've seen people with something.
And I remember, damn, I don't know if I can remember his name.
We're all doing open mics.
We're grinding, we're bombing.
Then this guy comes in one night.
And he's at the governor's.
I mean, we're like, even we're like... Wow.
Hey, man, what's your name?
His name might come to me.
I say, how long you been doing it?
It was like that every time he went on stage.
And we hung out with him, and it was just, we're like, this guy.
It's like we're pleased for him, and we're his biggest fans, and we're angry at him at the same time.
And then he just disappeared.
Then I ran into him in Queens and he was kind of doing it, but it wasn't the same.
Like the Muhammad Ali thing, he stopped training for enough years to like lose it all, to not even be as good as the first time we saw him, which was his first time.
And I was like, fine, I'll feature.
And you pay me the headline.
And then Barry went and came back in and went up all weekend.
But it was like that bitterness.
Even when you're talking about bad relationships, I'm like, shit, that's material.
I never go on a bad date, because if the date is good, it's good.
If it's bad, then it's material.
you know what I mean that's true so comics complain about dates I'm like that's an experience that's some shit you could bring to the stage right like why are you down about this how many times has someone told you a crazy story like in the green room or something like that and you're like have you said that on stage yet yeah and you're like no can I yeah I tell people all the time like that is like sometimes my friend he just broke up with his girl he's sad he's talking about it I'm like damn this nigga don't know how funny he's about to be laughing
And I feel bad, but that's why I stay on stage.
I'm like, I am not going to let that happen to me.
It's not going to work out.
He's a walking underdog story.
He's a walking underdog story.
Without even fucking explaining it and turning that shit into something.
And how do you not gravitate towards that?
that I've experienced like underneath in me, I'm like, man, don't worry.
Once this cloud lifts, you'll be able to talk about this on stage.
Like that's a part of like the survival.
That's how far gone in this I am.
And I'm just realizing it now as I talk to you.
That's how, that's like, yeah, it's like trying to think of like when bad shit, like I got into somebody hit my car.
Sometimes, I don't have that many civilian friends anymore, but sometimes I used to just complain on the phone about an interaction.
Military people, I get that.
But that is a term we have used forever.
Like the first time I heard somebody say it, I was like, how did you know that I say that?
The first time I ever heard a comic refer to non-comics as civilians, I was like, that's what I say in my head.
And it's like nobody's stealing it from each other.
But all our terms are related to battle.
So it's like we all got battle terms.
And he's also from the era where they don't write new material.
First of all, you're in disrespectful shape.
Your in-shape-ness is disrespectful to me.
We got to get chopped up soybeans.
You probably sleepwalk into the gym.
You probably like wake up sometimes like, oh shit, I worked out.
You press the button for the code and you was in there, you had no fucking idea.
And you're getting hit in that time.
Squeezed, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that is a crazy mentality type of life.
Like I say, I don't know much about fighting, and I've learned a lot from you.
I remember we did a show in, I think, Denver, and there was this female fighter.
And she was up there, and she just had a kid.
And she's still going to fight, but she's like, there's other things to life.
I'm going to raise my son and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And then once she said, there's other things to life, and I was like, just in my head, and you're a father.
And just the way she said it and some other things, I was like, she shouldn't fight no more.
And I watched all her fights after that, and she might have won one.
And I can't remember her name per se, but I just remember her saying that.
You're the king of that, not being able to remember.
Some people have some comedy clubs or somebody fake a comedy spot.
Yeah, somebody come up with that.
It's a hard way to live.
How much, like, what's the average, like, paycheck for a fighter like that you just described?
I've seen it in boxing because that's the combat sport that I've watched the most growing up.
Shit, now I'm going to mention another name that I can't remember.
So there was this black guy who was fighting a Mexican guy, but they're big name guys.
Meljik Taylor, Julio Cesar Chavez.
Never the same after that.
He was winning the fight.
And he was a great fighter.
Great Olympic gold medalist.
He didn't leave that ring the way he went in.
And he was good enough to beat Chavez.
Kind of, because he lost.
That's when I feel like I'll just leave.
And that would have been a great moment.
I still got like a competitive spirit.
I feel like I haven't gotten to where I want to.
And you see him walking by.
Sometimes that's the winner, too.
That's how brutal that shit is.
You brought up Bernard Hopkins earlier.
And he has... The way he fought was...
And I also like that space I was just talking about, like we just stream of consciousness space.
First of all, you may hit me.
And if it is, you're going to hit me while I'm holding you.
And you ain't get no force or no power.
And people are going to cuss and say I'm a dirty fighter and let the motherfucker go.
This ain't the electric slide or the two-step.
But I am not getting no brain damage.
Like Muhammad Ali used to move.
Bernard would come to you, hug you, pat, pat.
Curse this motherfucker out.
But they still come back to see this motherfucker hold.
I thought Trinidad was going to kill him too.
If you don't let him fight, you could fight for a long ass time.
You could just keep fighting.
Just don't let him fight.
Like I'm kind of want to get to that where you could just like.
He knew all the arm locks.
He's too old to be doing it.
First of all, he's too old to, like you said, your body goes.
So he probably doesn't have the strength.
go on stage and watch the tape afterwards.
It almost makes up for all the punches he missed his entire career all in that one moment.
I mean, that's a car wreck.
Yeah, or we were just made this way, or it picked us.
It's just too serendipitous, but I'm glad.
Yeah, we had a fun ride.
Let's keep this shit going.
You ain't going to like that answer, so why even ask?
Oh, you got to be there tomorrow?
So I got to be there tomorrow.
Those writing jobs, that velvet prison, son.
I'm trying to break out.
That's why I got this special.
And I'm going to keep putting out specials, bro.
Oh, that works, that just click.
It's on YouTube at Ian Edwards Stand-Up.
And all the money from the views and the ad sense goes to victims of the L.A.
Yeah, I don't want no money.
Like, unlike all those other gigantic.
I've never scammed anybody.
I'm just like, I was there in L.A.
when it happened, and it was devastating.
Yeah, at the Comedy Store.
I just wanna have, get to that.
Thanks for having me, brother.