Heather Lohmeyer
Appearances
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
Thank you so much. You guys have really helped change my life. And we'll talk about that a little bit today. But I am just forever grateful. And if I would have put money on my favorite teen mom back in the day, I would be a millionaire today. So I'm just gonna throw that out there. It's always my favorite.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
And as a whole, and I'm talking about Barely Famous, Karma and Chaos, The Southern Tea, Coffee Convos, all of those fan-based pages, there is conversation about this in all of them. And so it's very important for us to touch on all of this all the way around, I feel like.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
It was very, very difficult. It was right away. I mean, it was, I was in the hospital two days and it was immediately when we got home, I was getting emails from funeral directors. We were trying to pick out her headstone. You know, I was trying to email them songs and everything that I wanted. We do have audio recording of it. I've never listened to it.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
We had our funeral at our church that we go to, that we attend to. The same pastor that married my husband and I did McKinsley's funeral in the same chapel that we got married in. So it's very bittersweet when you have the biggest joy of your life, getting married to the person you love, and then you're also in the same chapel again.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
you know about to bury your child so that was very difficult in itself but when we got back home so the day of the funeral this is really crazy the day of the funeral we got in a car accident on the way home from the funeral oh my gosh Somebody hit us that had a trailer tractor with several cars on it and we were coming home from the funeral.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
And as we were filling out the paperwork for the car accident, A ladybug flew into Ben's truck, and we see them everywhere now. And it was February 28th. Ladybugs don't happen in the wintertime in Kansas. And the story we have over them, I mean, I have videos of ladybugs crawling on McKinsley's grave.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
The house that we purchased after McKinsley passed away, the one that we live in now, the owners had ladybug pillows on the porch when we viewed the house. The little girl that lives next door to us, her name is Kinsley, and she flies a ladybug kite outside. Oh, my gosh. The stories just go on and on and on. And, you know, that's just our little sign from her.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
that she's just up there watching over us. So imagine that a car accident happens and a ladybug flies in the truck we were driving. She just wanted to let you know she was there. She was watching over you. She still is. So that part of our story is pretty amazing. I love sharing that part. So out at her grave, we have a lot of little ladybugs.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
Our front yard to our house has a lot of little ladybug things in it. So that part of the story is pretty crazy and pretty cool to share because you do get little signs from heaven, whether they're butterflies, ladybugs. When you find pennies on the sidewalk, you know, people... see different things from loved ones that have already passed away.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
I can't expect him to grieve the same way that I'm grieving. And he can't expect the same out of me either. One conversation we had when she first passed away was very insightful. He told me how jealous he was because he never got to actually feel her. He can feel the kicks on the outside, but I could only feel her on the inside. So he never got to actually feel her a lot.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
And so that's one thing that you never think about when it comes to the dads in this situation. You know, the closest he got to her was, you know, feeling the kicks on the outside, but it's completely different than feeling them on the inside. And so that's something that I, you know, never took into consideration that I got those nine months with her that he wasn't able to get.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
So that conversation with him was really, really important. But like I said, we all grieve differently. I had support through, oddly enough, Coffee Convos podcast. The Kitty Yang Telegram had just started up. And so that is where my support system came in. Because I'll be honest, with dealing with McKinsley's death, my husband's alcohol level went very high. He was always a drinker, but...
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
went way more into extremes when we lost McKinsley. That was his way of coping. And so I was kind of all alone in my grief because he was, you know, in our basement drinking a lot, unfortunately.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
You know, Kale, it really made me think of your mom and how, you know, alcohol changes a person. It really does. And your mom also had something very tragic that happened when she lost her aunt. And it made me wonder, you know, is that what caused her to drink more when she lost her sister in a car accident?
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
I would love to obviously put a trigger warning out there for any mamas who are pregnant right now, anyone who's recently gone through a loss, because some of the things we're going to talk about today are a little difficult to hear. And, you know, even saying that, saying I have to put a trigger warning out there before talking about my own child, that is difficult in itself.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
So he had to hit complete rock bottom. I mean, he was gonna leave, he was gonna go, you know, visit his friend in Kentucky, his best friend from the army, that's where he lived at the time. And so he just packed up his truck and he was gonna go. But halfway through, he was just like, what am I doing? And so he actually came back home and he told me he was going to check himself into rehab.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
And he finished his rehab program. And I'm very proud to say that in June, June 21st, Ben will be three years sober from alcohol. He is now leading AA meetings once a week. And he is also sponsoring somebody else's. And they have actually asked him back to the facility to talk to all of the people in rehab. And so I'm just beyond proud of him. We all are. We love Ben.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
I think it's a little bit of both, you know. He really supports anything that I love, so he will put on a pair of kitty ears with me and go along for the ride. The one thing he said to me that night when we left is he said, Kayla is so pretty in person. He said, she's not all done up and anything. He said, she's just so pretty in person.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
For sure. And I had to learn a completely new person. Since we met, I've never known Ben completely sober. So that took months of building trust and I had to learn a whole new person. But the Ben that I have now is just phenomenal. He's so attentive, so amazing. And it's just crazy how much alcohol can change a person. It really can get a hold on somebody. And I can't understand that.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
I've never had an addiction problem ever with anything. I've never tried even smoking cigarettes. I've never tried drugs in my life. I only had alcohol on very occasional occasions, you know. So I can't understand when it has a grasp on somebody like that.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
But I really feel like this is a very important story and message that you have graciously given me the opportunity to get out there. And so to start just a little bit of background with my story, my husband and I met in 2018. We got married during COVID wedding season in 2020. And so our honeymoon was delayed for a whole year. So then we took our honeymoon in 2021 to Disney World.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
So I always say to McKinsley will always be my daughter. But how I say it to people is I say I have one angel baby and one earthly baby.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
No, what they think, you know, in the very beginning, it was really, really hard. I went through a lot of traumatic things when we first lost McKinsley. But when people ask, it can be triggering because you almost don't know what to say to them. But I will never say that Brody is an only child. I will never say that I only have one child. One thing, too, is...
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
I went through two pregnancies, two full term pregnancies that destroyed my body. You know, when I lost McKinsley, that was something else that it's like, here I am. I don't even have my baby, but I have all these stretch marks. Going through things like your milk supply coming in when you've lost your baby is so traumatic. I can't even explain that to you.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
Like having milk dripping out of you and you don't even have a child to feed it to. The doctors had to help me with ways to try to dry it up because it was so traumatic. You know, having the stretch marks, having your body just being so... just not the same anymore. And you don't even have the baby there. You know, and a lot of people say, oh, get through the pregnancy.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
It's so worth it once you have your baby in your arms. But I didn't have that. So that is very difficult as well.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
So this story, this, you're going to just be like, oh my gosh.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
I went to my doctor's office for a checkup after I had the stillbirth just to make sure that everything healed the way it was supposed to heal. So I'm waiting in the waiting room and they call my name to come back. And I go back there and the nurse sits me down and she starts giving me all these gifts for having your first child. She gives me a diaper bag. She gives me formula.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
She tells me congratulations. She says, we're going to check the baby's heartbeat. And I just looked at her and I lost it. I completely lost it. And I said, I am not pregnant. And she just looked at me and she just left me in the room to try to figure out what happened. There were two Heathers in the waiting room.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
And I got up first. And so the other Heather that was in the waiting room, so they got us mixed up. And so my OBGYN had to come in the room and I was left in that room by myself for a good 20 minutes while they were trying to figure out what the heck happened. So my OBGYN had to come in the room and try to calm me down.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
Things like that will happen. I had a dentist appointment where they were cleaning my teeth and I couldn't talk and they kept going on and on and asking me, you know, how many kids do you have this and that? And tears just welled up in my eyes. Um, There are things like that that happen, unfortunately. When I first lost McKinsley, I went through something that I've never gone through before.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
And I started having traumatic hallucinations and visions of different ways that she died.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
I think it's a pretty unique experience in all of the support groups that I've been in. If I've brought it up, no one that I know has experienced that. So that is hard. You know, you feel like you're a little crazy. But I think my brain was trying to make sense of what happened. I think a kink in the umbilical cord was not good enough for me. I was trying to make sense out of it.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
And that is actually where our first child, McKinsley, was conceived at. And so I went the whole pregnancy. It was my very first pregnancy at the age of 32. So we felt like we were extremely behind everybody in real time. We felt like we were going to be very old parents. So zero complications through the entire pregnancy, really just the normal morning sickness, but nothing serious. bad at all.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
And I mean, these were very traumatic things that I saw. I was looking out of our kitchen window and I saw her hanging from a tree. The first one that happened, I was in our shower and we had a glass shower and I could just like hear her banging on the shower saying, mama, help me. Like very traumatic things happened.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
I did, you know, and I really don't know what to say about it. I know a couple of people that they say it did happen to them as well, but I think it's a very unique circumstance. And so when Ben got home from rehab, we actually sent me somewhere. We sent me to Florida and, to get some help because I just needed some sort of support. And so I was gone for almost a month in a treatment facility.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
And I learned a lot of amazing things there. Talking in class, the biggest thing I learned was that my control had a control on me. And so my need to control situations has a grasp and control on me. And it still happens to this day. I try to prevent bad things from happening. So I try to control everything around me.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
Yes. I think it was there a little bit before. I think we all have a little control freak in us when we want things to go a certain way.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
But it got much worse after I lost McKinsley. You know, anytime Ben wants to take Brody out somewhere, I think they're going to get in a car accident. Like I convinced myself they're going to get in a car accident. So I don't want them to go because I try to control the situation. But in my therapy, I learned that the control actually had the control on me. It's very crazy.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
And then one of the therapists there, I told them when McKinsley died inside of me, I felt like I died myself. And he looked at me and he said, don't die twice. He said, Heather, don't die twice. One of my therapists when I went to Florida.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
It did, especially now that, you know, I have Ben and Brody to live for and myself, you know, not just them. But McKinsley's story can have such an impact, too, on others. That's my goal in this. It's not to become famous from barely famous. It's not to get followers. It's none of that. It's to help other parents out there. that are going through the same thing.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
I honestly thought you just got through the 12 weeks and you were good to go. Nobody educated me on this, that this could happen. In all the teen moms that I've seen, there's been talk about miscarriages, terminations, but there's never been a stillbirth. One of the girls from the Kitty Gang actually made me aware that I believe it's Madison from Siesta Keys.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
She had a stillbirth and her story is very similar to mine. She lost her son, Elliot, the December before I lost McKinsley. And it was a court accident and she was 37 weeks.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
Yes. So to answer the first question, I did have support. It's crazy. The Kitty Gang was my support. When I was in that treatment facility, Kale, I received cards from members of the Kitty Gang that sent cards to my treatment facility. I had so much support. from the group that you and Lindsay created together. I mean, that was my support. I mean, I had Ben and my immediate family, obviously, too.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
And I live in Kansas. And I was 30. I was turning 38 weeks pregnant. And there was actually a really bad snowstorm. And so they canceled my weekly sonogram for that week. which wasn't a big deal. But unfortunately, over that weekend, my husband Ben made me breakfast. And after he made me breakfast, I didn't feel McKinsley kicking. And so I thought that that was a little odd. And it was a Sunday.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
But when I needed an outlet, when I was on the couch alone by myself, because my mom went back to work, and Ben went back to work, and it was just me at home, I quit my job to be a stay at home mom with McKinsley. So I was literally at home by myself. So I lost McKinsley in February and the Kitty Gang Telegram started in May or August.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
And then we talked about it in May and then it started in August. And then I went to the treatment facility in October. And so when I got back, the group was just so supportive to me. to me. We had some issues paying for McKinsley's headstone. There were a couple things that happened with that. And I shared my story on the Kitty Gang page.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
And I had members of the Kitty Gang that sent Ben and I money for the headstone. Things that I'll never be able to repay back. And so I When people are like, you know, Heather's really rah-rah, yeah, Kitty Gang, oh my gosh, she's very over the top sometimes, which I am. We can all admit that and laugh at that, you know.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
Number one fangirl over here, I think that people don't realize what the Kitty Gang actually did for me in my life. That was my support system. The OG girls in there, when that first started, we created a bond that, you know, and it's still going. You can't match what happened in that group when it first started.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
Stop. You're beautiful crying. We don't call it ugly cry. It's beautiful. Cry.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
Maybe repay is not the right way to say it. I think I just want to support that group so much because I know what they did for me in my life. And so I want to pay it forward, I guess.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
You know, a lot of people go in there and they share their stories. You know, they're they're there for each other. And I want that to continue forever. You know, a lot of people feel comfortable sharing things and getting advice in that group. And I just think what you and Lindsay have built is just so amazing. It truly is. And it did change my life.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
To answer the second part of your question, I know I went a little long on that.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
No, that's what's fun about podcasts. You don't know where they're going to go. Yeah, this is true. With getting pregnant for the second time, have you ever... had sex and you just know you made a baby. Like you just, you finish and you just know it happened.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
So it was one of those where when we did our business and then, you know, we said, we just totally made a baby. You know, you just know. And 100%, that's what happened. I'm cracking up. So we weren't preventing, we weren't necessarily like, trying really hard, but it was difficult. All the what-ifs came in.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
So I contacted my doctor's office and they told me I should just go in. We had had our hospital bags packed for a very long time. And
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
I'm very fortunate that we have our rainbow baby, but going those nine months was very difficult. But I had extensive checkups because of my history. They did checkups every week with me.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
Um, excessive checkups. Anytime we felt uncomfortable, we went to the hospital immediately. I was there all the time. If, if I didn't feel him kicking for some reason and Brody liked to sleep a lot in the womb. So he had me, he had me going for a while, but anytime I felt uncomfortable, they said, come in immediately. And we would check the heartbeat, um, You know, heartbeat monitors at home.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
I have mixed feelings on them because sometimes they don't work correctly and that can give you a scare. So I think going to the hospital...
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
um I'm a big planner so we just grabbed our bags and went on the way there I was extremely nervous I remember praying the whole way there and when we got there they brought in the first doctor and then they brought in a second doctor and a third doctor and by the fourth doctor the fourth doctor told us that there was no heartbeat anymore so while you are
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
Yes. Um, so we made sure that every nurse knew, I mean, it was in my charts. I had the same OBGYN that I had with McKinsley and, Same hospital, same everything. So they did have our history, which I think is a positive thing. So that part was really, really good. But you just can't... The 12 weeks to me doesn't exist. The safety net in the 12 weeks, to me, that's non-existent. Right.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
And I know that's kind of harsh to say, but you can lose a child at any time in the pregnancy. Obviously, I was at the finish line. And so... I don't say that to scare any mamas out there, but I want it to be known because I was not prepared at all. I had no clue this could even happen. I feel so uneducated about that and a little naive.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
Because I think it made the grieving portion worse that I didn't know that this could even happen.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
They did at 38 weeks. it was 38 or 39. I think it's 38. Um, and they did a C-section with Brody. So it was all scheduled. I mean, we had him, this C-sections are crazy. They willed me back there. I had Brody in my arms in half an hour. Like it was bizarre. So, they're so quick.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
Yeah. Yeah. So there were a lot of trips to the hospital with him. And I know you had some scares with First and Valley and Rio. All three were in the NICU. So I'm sure that that was very hard. And they were all three early as well.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
And so he was before his due date though. Right. He came early.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
No, never. One thing that is really hard, and I feel like I have to say this, that infuriates me is when the paparazzi is following you around when you're pregnant.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
No, no. Kale, I have to say this and you can take it out of the podcast if you want it. But no, this is serious. The fact that they were following you around and taking pictures and not giving you your privacy, they don't know if you're having complications. They don't know anything. So to follow you around with a camera because people know who you are is absolutely ridiculous.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
And I have to say that because a woman, when she is pregnant, that is her right to know what is going on with her body and what she wants to tell publicly or not. They had no idea if you had complications or not. You could have known something about that pregnancy that nobody else out there knew.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
Yeah. Um, When all of that was in the media, I was very upset by that.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
Yeah, so Wave of Light is something that Bridget's Cradles puts on every year. If we have enough time, I just want to touch on them just a little bit. So Bridget's Cradles, they are a 501c3 nonprofit organization incorporated in the state of Kansas. It's founded after the birth of Matt and Ashley Oblaker's daughter, Bridget Faith. She was still born at 24 weeks and 5 days.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
In 2014, she measured at 10.5 inches long and weighed 13 ounces. After Ashley had some complications, Ashley's mom wanted to knit Bridget a special small blanket in the likely case that Bridget was born too early. After making a small mint green blanket, she began to think that it would be difficult to wrap such a small blanket around a tiny baby.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
And so she knit the sites together to create a cradle. Bridget's Cradles provides handmade knit and crocheted cradles to 1,050 plus hospitals in all 50 states. to offer to families whose babies were born into heaven in the second trimester of pregnancy. So they are designed to hold tiny babies who are born into heaven during the second trimester because babies are so small and fragile.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
In the weeks 14 to 26 of pregnancy, traditional blankets do not meet the needs. They also offer memory keepsakes, and they're provided to families who have lost babies in the first and third trimesters. Ashley Obliger also has a podcast called Cradled in Hope and her book comes out in July of this year called Cradled in Hope. It is a faith-based podcast and and book.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
So I wanted to put that out there. She is very faith-based about babies being in heaven. The organization, I had no idea, but I received a cradle and a keepsake at the hospital when I lost McKinsley. This organization is five miles from my house in Kansas. Oh, wow. And I had no idea. So Ashley has been a huge light in my life. She helps so many others.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
And so I wanted to take that time just to share with everybody. She has a podcast. Her book is coming out. She does online sessions for mamas who have lost babies. And what they do there is just completely incredible.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
That's amazing that you did that. I love that you did that. That is so great.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
And I was at 38 weeks. So I was full term. I was at the finish line. And so when the doctor told us, I mean. My husband still says he can hear it. I just let out the most imaginable scream ever. And I remember screaming like, oh my God, we had to call our parents. They were all at church because it was a Sunday. Everybody rushed up to the hospital and they couldn't give us any answers.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
You know where people can find me? I know. They can find me in any podcast group that has to do with Kale Lowry. So Coffee Convo's podcast group on Facebook. They can find me in Karma and Chaos. There's a barely famous one. He's got one in Southern Tea. And that's where the people can find me, Kale.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
Thank you so much, Heather. Yeah. Love you, girl. Take care. Love you.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
They couldn't tell us why. The only thing I was told is that I was going to have to deliver her knowing that she was gone already.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
They did not do a C-section. So what happened was she was actually transverse. So she was still sideways. She wasn't even head down yet. And so they had to manually break my water. They waited till the following day, but they had to actually break my water and put me into labor. And then they delivered her stillborn already knowing that she passed away.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
I don't. I think that if a C-section would have been necessary, they would have done it. But that wasn't even something that they talked to me about. So I'm not 100% for sure on that. I know they wanted to try to get her turned head down, which they did. And my labor was about four hours from start to finish. And so... And it's just very traumatic to even go through.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
I don't have an answer as to why they waited till the next day. I don't know, because we had a lot of family up there. Our pastor came up there to pray with us. Ben and I were trying to understand exactly what was going on. And so they just set it up for the day after in the morning.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
And what's crazy is that the day that we're doing this recording marks three days, or I'm sorry, three years from that exact. So it's three years today that we found out we lost.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
It was just toward the end of the pregnancy. So just because that was actually going to be my first weekly one. It was two weeks prior to the one I missed because of the snowstorm. But when I finally delivered McKinsley, they did see a teeny tiny kink in the umbilical cord. And that is what happened.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
It's just one of those things that can unfortunately happen. You know, at least that's what I was told. I don't know if they can catch those things on an ultrasound. Some doctors asked more questions and some doctors have told me yes, some have said no. So I don't really have a clear answer on that. But it's hard to think the what ifs.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
What if the snow didn't come and I still had my weekly checkup? Would they have caught something?
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
Thank you so much for having me today. Can we just take a minute and celebrate Killer Network right now because I am just so happy for you. I was in tears last night, just so happy and excited for all the downloads that you have hit. It is truly just amazing what you are doing with your company.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
It's hard because the blame game happens. I can think of every detail leading up to that day. You think, did I sleep wrong? Did I eat wrong? Did I move wrong? You blame yourself and your body. This is what we're made to do. Our bodies are supposed to be able to deal give children life. And so when my body didn't do that, it was just really confusing.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
And I remember after delivering her, everybody around me was just talking about funeral arrangements. And I couldn't, my head couldn't figure out what was going on. I had just given birth for the first time. And everybody around me is talking about planning a funeral. My head just couldn't connect the two at all what was going on in that moment.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
My husband was like that. So Ben was like that. He honestly thought she might be okay when I delivered her, but I personally knew because the kicks were gone. I couldn't feel her anymore. And I, It is the craziest thing to feel life die inside of you. I don't know how to explain that. I don't know how to explain that. But I remember the last kick that I felt being very faint.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
And so you think like, was that the moment I had to ask my OBGYN, you know, did she suffer? Was she okay? You know, as a mom, you just want to protect her. And the hardest thing that Ben and I had to do was we had her with us in the hospital room that night. They graciously moved us to a different floor that didn't have any crying babies on it to protect me.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
So the hospital was wonderful with that. But the hardest moment was when Ben and I had to send her down.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
The nurse we had was very caring. She told us to take our time with her. But they did talk to us about how it is better to preserve. And we did get to spend, you know, days with her in the mortuary. Ben and I took our favorite books up there. We read to her. We sang to her. We tried to get as many parent moments as we could in with her. And it was hard for me to hold her at first.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
And that was still very hard. I wanted to just keep her warm. But she was already just gone. And I know this is so difficult to talk about, but it happens more often than we realize. Miscarriages are 1 in 4. Stillbirths are 1 in 175. And so I know that we have heard you talk about miscarriages on your end. It's nothing that any mother should have to go through.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
And so I kind of want to ask you, how was that for you? I don't even know how many miscarriages you actually had.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
I think everybody can handle it differently too. I will say that going full term, you know, you're at the end, you're at the finish line. But also when you have a miscarriage too, that doesn't make the loss any less than when you have a stillbirth. A loss is a loss. It may just be the grieving may be a little bit different in the stages that you go through.
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Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
But I can't imagine having a miscarriage either. You know, this is something that I never imagined. When you think about getting pregnant for the first time, you never imagined this. And it was very traumatic.
Barely Famous
Angel Mama ft. Heather Lohmeyer
I want you to ask them for sure. You know, and I don't want this message to just be about McKinsley. I want it to be about the, Stillbirth, I want it to be about miscarriages because it's so important. Not everybody is going to have the same story that I have.