Harris Sockel

what I've heard from researchers when like talking about like friendlessness and loneliness more broadly is like, we need better examples. Like, again, to go back to media, like there needs to be just like better examples of like healthy male friendship. And even like, within a person's life.

Like if you are a father to a young boy, like you have a great opportunity to like be a really good example and like show your kid. Yeah, it's totally fine for me to have like my male best friend come over and we're going to like talk about stuff. Yeah, we just need to show the boys in our lives like what good relationships are.

look like that it's not about dominating another person it's not about being strong or not having emotions it's about like we're all here lifting each other up like i got your back you got my back and like there's nothing weird or shameful about that oh my gosh well harris alley thank you both so much this is really great thanks so much thank you this is great

Yeah, I think it just sort of neatly folds in with all of the headlines I've been seeing that basically just scream like there's something going on with men. Like men are having a problem. You know, fewer men are enrolling in college. Gen Z men are dating less. And perhaps most concerningly, men made up nearly 80% of the suicide rate in 2022.

So there's a lot of really big problems happening here. And I think all of this stuff is like very woven together under just like the big umbrella of like men are going through it. There's something happening here. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Like Harris said, it's an easy solution. And speaking of some of these people like Andrew Tate, their messages of like, well, you need to have women around you only to dominate them. And like those sort of messages I think are very appealing for men who feel like their place in the world is being threatened.

And so it's very easy to say like, oh yeah, like maybe they just need a girlfriend or a friend and like, they'll be better. And I think that maps neatly onto the way that we socialize boys and men too, to sort of value that one romantic relationship. And like, that is the thing that is going to make your life better.

Yeah, like because of that social messaging of like, yes, you need to find your spouse and your partner. I think it could be really, really isolating for men who don't have that.

go to a group of men which seems harder to maintain and have yeah well you got to build the group and then maintain the group and then they got to be there when you need them that's a lot and men are also again socialized to value that romantic relationship above all else whereas women it's much more acceptable as girls are growing up you value your friends

It's maybe seen as like a little feminine for boys to have a lot of friends or to seek their friends for this like emotional support and validation. Like, no, that's what you're supposed to use your romantic partner for. And then that brings up like a lot of vulnerability if you do need that support.

You might be afraid to reach out to a friend out of a fear of looking weak, out of a fear of maybe even being rejected. Your friend being like, dude, like we don't talk about that. That's strange. And so prevents people from doing it in the first place.

Yeah. And I think like our media is a great way where we could like show examples of what like really great friendships could look like. Like that's why Sex and the City and Girls are like so popular because they give women an example or an archetype of different kinds of friendships. It's why people were like, I'm a Samantha, I'm a Marnie.

It gives people a role in which to slot themselves or lets them know, okay, well, what I'm experiencing is normative or other people feel this way too. And you so rarely see that with Men, like again, like you said, except for like buddy comedies. And in that case, they're often like doing a thing. They have like a very specific task that they're doing.

And it's not so much like we're so good friends. And it's like for the female centric friendship shows, it's about their friendships.

I think you lose out on the richness of life. One person can't be your everything. And that puts a lot of pressure on them to sort of step up and be the everything to you. And so if that is your spouse, who already you're putting a lot on top of in terms of like domestic things, romantic things, child rearing things if you have children.

Yeah, like that's just so much for one person to handle. And it's just so nice when you can turn to a friend and be like, I need you because you're really strong and I need you to help me move this heavy thing. And like I can turn to you because you know the right validating things to say and to know a person in that way and know what their strengths are, I think is so beautiful and vice versa.

And you have unique things that you offer each of your friends.

Yeah, it makes me think of that term low maintenance friendship. Have you guys heard of that? I've heard about this, yes. And I hate it. I hate it because friendships are work inherently. Like, and I don't mean like drudgery, but it just takes...

effort yeah it takes effort and like that's it's joyful effort it is like to show up for somebody like when they're having a bad day or even just like watching a terrible show with your friend like it doesn't feel like effort but you're putting in effort and that's what it takes to maintain a friendship