Evy Poumpouras
Appearances
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
If I'm easily offended, I'm easily manipulated. So if you are that person where you are reactive, reactive, reactive, rule number one, shut the up. Because if you're looking to be respected, you need to manage yourself. But there are times that people are going to cross you and disrespect you.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
How do you pick people? Like, how do you differentiate on your own who's good and who's not for you?
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
That's so interesting. So when you talk about vibes, it's your intuition.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
It's your instinct, bar none. And when I'm around people, like anybody around, they give off something. And what we don't do is we don't listen to what we feel. You can still do business or talk to someone. But when you feel that, and I do too, I feel my way, even honestly, even whose podcast I'm going to do. I'm like, I don't know if I like this vibe or I don't know if I like this.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I just feel it. I feel like, who do I want to be around? And even something like, whose podcast do I want to be on? Because I'm bringing myself into a space, right? That person's space. It's all interconnected. So it's like I'm choosing what spaces to go into. And you're right. You don't have to articulate it to yourself. And that's where we go wrong often.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Because it's like somebody comes in, they say hi to you, and immediately you're like, I don't like this. But they didn't say anything to you. They didn't do anything to you. You can't articulate why. And you know what we do? We dismiss it. We dismiss it. Oh, it's me. Oh, I shouldn't this. No. You know what? You've got two brains, right? This one? And the gut.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
That's why they call it your gut instincts. Listen to it. Always. And I think going back to people who are steady, you're talking about what makes you steady. I think a big part of what helps make you steady is trusting in yourself. You have to trust in yourself. Like, believe in yourself. And when I say that, I mean trust that what you're feeling is true.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Like, listen to it and not let other people talk you out of things. Or... Being able to say, I feel this way, I don't know why, but I'm going to trust it. And almost, if not all the time, you look back and it's like, I knew better. I felt this. I kind of sensed this. I didn't listen to myself. And if you're wrong, so you're wrong. And that goes back to uncertainty. People are afraid to be wrong.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Why?
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Living fearlessly, because I don't think you can be fearless.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Fearlessly means... I see things. Despite being afraid, I'm going to try. I'm going to do my best to live in it and embrace it to some degree. Whatever you're afraid of, if it's something you want to do, follow it and then figure out a way to do it. But it's okay to be afraid and uncertain during the process. I don't know. When I'm uncertain too, I'm thinking, all right, I can figure this out.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
You don't fail until you stop. I look at it that way. Like even if you're failing incrementally, overall, you won't fail until you're just like, all right, I'm done. And as long as you're done because you want to be done, that's cool. But you don't want to be done because you keep failing or you're confused or you're leaving because other people are telling you you shouldn't be doing it.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
It's just because you decided, I don't want to be on this path anymore. I think it always has to come back to you. I've always been in the school of thought, and I love my family, but they were always telling me, do this, especially because my parents were immigrant. Everything was job security. Get a good job. Get a good job. Nine to five, get a good job.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Don't try to do anything else, you know, because they struggled so much. And so when I tried to do things outside of that element, they were afraid. They were confused. They thought I was nuts. Even when I started in the NYPD, they were not happy at all. They're like, what is this? Girls don't do these types of jobs, even in my community. You know, I was laughed at.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
You know, people kind of were like, oh, look at Yanni is my dad's name. Look at Yanni's daughter. Look how silly she is. You know, so this is kind of like those moments where you, going back to you just have to do what you feel. Because afterward, you're going to be pissed off as hell because you listen to other people.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Yeah, stop asking everybody what they think. When I have a really big decision to make, like really big, I don't tally people. In fact, the bigger it is, the bigger the consequences or the bigger the pain or the trauma, whatever it is, I go in because they're going to confuse me. That's what you do. You stop asking people. And if you're going to ask somebody... Let's say it's a health decision.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
So there was a guy post that's talked to the intelligence communities and it really, really helps when you're dealing with people. And so one of the ways you deal with that kind of behavior is... The former secret service agent turned human behavior expert. From protecting presidents to interrogating the world's most dangerous men.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
It's a great question, and I don't know if I have a clear answer. I think always, I think about how am I serving other people? I always go back to that. I remember even when I wrote my book, Becoming Bulletproof, actually my book was supposed to launch right at the height of COVID. I mean, it's when the world was shutting down. And
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
You're going to go to a doctor or you're going to go to someone who has specific knowledge about a decision you are trying to make. You're not going to go to mom. You're not going to go to dad. You're not going to go to your brother. You're not going to go to people who don't have that, who, although they love you, their opinions are going to send you like a ping pong ball.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
That's how you become unsteady. And you can start small. You can start small. And when I say start small, it's start making decisions without running them by anybody. what to eat, where to go, where to vacation. You can start small. It's just allow yourself to be the decision maker. Allow yourself to be in the driver's seat. But what we do is we invite people in the car.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
We're like, yeah, yeah, you could drive my car, no problem. They get in the driver's seat. We put them in the driver's seat. Then we're in the passenger seat, or we might even get kicked to the back seat, and then we're all pissed off. Like, why are you driving like that? Why are you going that way? That's not really where I want to go. Then drive the car.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And stop inviting everybody in to drive it for you and then be pissed off when they don't take it the direction you want to go. If you're going to be pissed off, always be pissed off at yourself. Because it's like, I chose, I chose wrong, but I chose. That is how you build confidence.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And you know, going back to law enforcement, because I teach it, one of the predominant traits that people in law enforcement have is is they have high confidence because of one reason. They make decisions. They're good decision makers because when you're out on the street and you're dealing with somebody or a situation, there's nobody to look over to and say, hey, how should I handle this?
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
You have to make a choice and you have to go. making decisions is going to increase your confidence and your ability in yourself, even if they're the wrong decisions. That's not the point. Be a decision maker in your life. That is going to move you forward. That is going to increase your belief in yourself and your trust in yourself. And you're going to get comfortable too.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Huh, I read that wrong. You know what I learned here? I should have read it this way. And so this is when you bring in the vibes and a little bit of tactical strategy because you're less emotional. That's another hindrance. When you are emotional, you are a bad decision maker. When you are in a space of emotion, make no decision. Avoid, don't text, don't call.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I always say just remove yourself and go in, go quiet. When you can go quiet and be in that stillness of you, it will come to you over time. And you know what's another great thing? When you look at resilient people, they don't have all the answers and they don't need to have all the answers. I don't have all the answers, but I don't need them to be okay.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And this is where you embrace that uncertainty. You don't have to have all the answers. And that by itself is powerful. You don't need to figure it out. You don't need to know what to do right away. Leave it. Sit in it. Be in it. Then when it's time, you move through.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I remember I had a PR person, I had my agent, the publishers, everyone's like, hey, you know, this COVID thing is happening. All the media tour glitz went away. Why don't we postpone the launch of the book? And nobody was advising me to launch the book. Nobody. Everyone's like, don't do it, don't do it. And I remember I was like, all right, I need to kind of tune everybody out.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Okay. So then how about you stop telling everybody your business? Why do they need to know what you're thinking about doing here or there? Why? Because when you open your mouth to share things, you're going to get advice. So this goes back to you. Do I open my mouth or do I stay quiet? Because if I open my mouth and I start talking, people are going to start sharing.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And so when people like, oh, they don't respect my boundaries, you're the one who offered it. If you want to create boundaries, you start with them. I don't share. Or like if I'm like, for example, I'm working on a project or a deal. Nobody knows until my deal is done.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I don't know how it's going to go. I don't want other people's opinions. I'll have the opinions of whoever I'm dealing with specifically in a deal, if it's a project, right? I'm going to talk to them. But I don't want other people confusing me. People confuse you. Good intentions.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
But when you've got too many voices in your head, that's why you can't trust yourself because you've got all these other voices. You can't hear your own. So I know if I share something with someone, they're going to share their thoughts. And maybe I don't want them. I stay, I will tell you, I usually stay quiet until I'm ready to reveal something.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Also, I'll stay quiet until it's either done, like it's happened, because so many times you'll do something and it falls through and you're like, you don't want to have to explain it to other people. It's like, why do I need to put myself in that situation where I'm always talking? I think talking, talking, talking, talking, although I think communication is good, but sometimes it's oversharing.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
and over putting our stuff out there, how are you going to have boundaries when you yourself violate those boundaries? Like you just make yourself like open borders, everybody come in. If you're a bit more methodical with who you share what with and why, I think that that's okay. But when you're like literally like tallying everybody, even if it's like what job to do, like for example, there's a
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
woman in the community I have, and she's trying to figure out what career to do. And she was kind of like, my mom says this, my dad says this, grown woman. And it was coming from a genuine place. And I like this, but I don't like that. And she was ping-ponging everywhere. She's like, Evie, what's, you know, can you share something with me? I was like, stop. I was like, stop talking to everybody.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Why are you telling everybody to give you advice? I was like, I want you to think about how insane what you're doing is. You are going to another human being to ask them what job, what career you should do. A job that you're going to wake up every morning to get out of bed to go do day after day after day. And you're tallying and pulling other people who are not going to be doing that.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
You're going to be doing that on what you should do. Do you see a little bit of the ridiculousness of how you are asking somebody else? You're the one who has to get up every morning and go do it.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
You can. She can. You can do that. But if the question is, how do I learn to trust myself? You trust yourself more by listening to yourself more and asking other people less. That is how you get there.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
No. And then maybe just the circle around you. It's also to, you know, I don't know if you've been able to do this. Over the years, slowly, I've also accumulated people around me. It takes time where they're trusted people where I can go to for specific things if I need to because I like the way they move through life. I think that they handle themselves well. Maybe they do well in business.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And I paused and I thought to myself, why did I write this book? I wrote this book to help people. Okay, so if the goal is to help people, make them more resilient, help them live less fearlessly, the world right now is in a state of fear. So if I follow that principle, then right now I should launch the book. And I remember against everybody's advisement, I launched it.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
They're thoughtful. I like their character. And so over time, you can also, I don't want to say accumulate, but you can kind of start to pull folks like that in. It takes time because people are going to come into your life in different moments. And when you find those precious gems, keep them a bit close. And then you can start to accumulate a... A circle and it's not people you go to every day.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
It's just people that you can pick up the phone Say hey steven. It's evy. Can I run something by you? Sure evy, no problem. What do you want to run by me? You can create those two and at least for me i've been able over time slowly Because it's not going to happen overnight and then sometimes people come into that space and sometimes you say I'm going to push you a little further out.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
It's not working out anymore
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
She just has to make a choice and do it. Pick one and do it.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
But there isn't. There's no way to know how it's going to pan out. There's no way to know. Just choose. Choose something. Choose something. And even if it's wrong, find peace and like, I chose, it was wrong. But you know what? I'm not stuck here. That's the other thing. You can change your decisions. Just because you choose something, it doesn't mean you're stuck there.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
We have the ability to get out. You do. You can find ways to get out and say, I made a wrong choice. It's okay. You also have to be okay with it.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
So that is something, what will help with that is, it's something called, it's called instrumental. It's called sense-making. It's understanding a person's motivational mindset. An instrumental person in certain jobs can yield more instrumental people. This is where... I am doing something where I am task-oriented. This just happened, so I have to respond this way. I'm going to do that.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I'm going to do this. I'm looking at the overall, what is my next step, then my next step, then my next step. When you are instrumental, you are non-emotional. I'm not in the emotion of it. So although like if you bring up a protectee getting shot, right? Although it can seem emotional, yes, it is.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
But in that moment, at least through training, it's shots being fired, jump in front, cover, shield, evacuate. You run through those things. That's being instrumental, right?
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
You're functioning. You're being tasked. You're task oriented. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. You have a business decision to make. Let's say something bad's happening in the business. Okay, how do I stop this hemorrhaging? I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. That's instrumental. On the flip side of that is something called identity.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
When I am identity, I am, oh my God, I can't believe this is happening. This is horrible. I don't know what to do. I'm confused. I'm really upset about this. I can't believe I'm finding myself here. Now I'm in that purgatory space of not doing anything. I'm also emotional. So I can't think clearly and I'm not able to make moves.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
You do. Action. Action. Everything's action. Make a choice. Make a choice. Make a choice. Move. Go, go, go. Do you know what's interesting? Everything was about movement. Don't be still. Even when you're getting shot at, don't be still. They actually teach you to run in zigzags. It's actually really hard to shoot someone. If they're not perfectly still, I mean, we would shoot paper targets.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
You miss. You're stressed out. You're motion. You're looking at this guy shooting, that person shooting. Am I shooting like shit? Because everyone's looking at each other's scores. And if you don't shoot well, they're going to be like, oh, I don't want to take you out on the next raid with me. Right? So you've got that adrenaline rush. It's a hard thing to do.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
But they teach you like, hey, if you're getting shot at, don't sit there like a dummy. Move. Run. And while you're running, run like zigzag. Throw people off. Move. And I've taken that premise of always being kinesis. Kinesis is a Greek move. Kinesis. Move. Move. Always move. Create momentum no matter how stuck you feel. And I followed this actually in my own life. Just move. Don't sit still.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I'm not saying don't grieve. Don't be sad. Don't feel. It's okay. It's okay. But don't put yourself in a place where you're completely stagnant because that's where you get stuck and you don't move and you get comfortable and you become afraid. If you can just create movement, I'm going to create a little bit of movement. I'm going to make a decision here and then another one, another one.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
So I was surprised with my book where people began writing in, I'm dealing with this problem. Your book helped me find a way out. Or I'm dealing with this. Can you give me guidance on how to deal with it?
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
If you can just stay in kinesis movement, you'll be able to move through whatever it is you're going through.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
You learn something, even if it means reaching out to someone. It's just do something that's helping you create some type of progress. When you don't move, when we don't have kinesis, like this is where you get stuck in that emotional depravity of like, I feel horrible. This is happening. Like if you can find ways to move out of your problem, as bad as it feels, don't bathe in it.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Like don't take a bath in it. Feel it, but like to a point. And you know what else too? You also don't have to figure it out. You don't have to figure out why did this happen or why did this person do it? Sometimes there's nothing to figure out. Sometimes it just is. Sometimes there's brilliance.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And freedom and just letting go and saying, this happened, I don't know why it happened, and I don't need to know why. But I can figure out how I need to move forward. Kinesis, how am I going to move out of this? What do I go to next? Sometimes the more you sit and you analyze this stuff, the more pain you put yourself through. You're rethinking, you're retelling, you're reliving.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And especially if you're reliving things that somebody else did to you, Like the pain and, you know, you ever have those moments where you start to relive, I should have done this, I should have said this. Do you know it actually activates the same part of the brain that's activated when you do cocaine?
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Yeah. It makes you high. Think about that. As even though it's negative feelings, you're like, yeah, you're having this whole thing happen. And it's like, I always look at, you know, I always look at is what I am doing leading me to the path I want to go to. If it's not, then I try to relinquish.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I'm like, listen, it's okay to feel bad, but you will feel less bad if you can keep that momentum going.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I think it becomes a habit. I don't think most people want to be there. If you ask anybody, nobody's going to say, yeah, I love it. But what happens is it becomes a habit and it's a pattern of behavior and a pattern and a way of thinking that you become used to.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
It's always themselves. It's not the world around you. I get it to some extent, but it's almost always we're the problem. We either sabotage ourselves, we get in the way, we make decisions, or we think, I didn't do anything. Everything's cause and effect. Anytime you say, do, act, or don't act, it has a consequence or an effect to it. And I think sometimes we're so blasé about it.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I don't know if there's a reward and I don't know if people think about it. They just get stuck and they repeat the same thing because they're afraid and uncertain of if they change it, what will happen. You know, you'll see this in...
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
in relationships where, you know, and it's not just domestic violence, but you'll see it in these really imbalanced relationships where you will see one person who's very dominant and one person, the dominant person, it'll be somebody who's very high power and control, setting the agenda, but not in a good way. And then you'll see another person who's very low power. weak, submissive, avoidant.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
The reason why that relationship works is one is here, so the other has to be here. They both can't be high power because they'll clash. And so that's why when you see a lot of these imbalanced relationships or severely imbalanced when it's domestic violence, and it can be man towards woman, woman towards man, or same sex, you will see that
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
It's one person who's up here, high control, and then the other person goes submissive, avoidant. This person down here is just trying to keep the peace. I don't want conflict. I don't want to upset them. I don't want to set them off. But what you do is you go deeper and deeper and deeper. And the more you try to keep the peace, the more you're submissive and avoidant and uncertain.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
What does the other person do? The higher up they go. Because you just help create this imbalance, this further spread of power in the relationship. They become louder, stronger, dogmatic, demanding, rigid. But that happens over time. Then you find yourself in this space where like, how did I end up here and this person's here?
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And then that's one of those examples of where another person keeps you literally suppressed. So how are you going to trust yourself and your voice and make good decisions if you have such an individual around you? And that's another thing that keeps a person pushed down and suppressed.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
So that's like, it's the truth is that stuff does happen, right? And it could happen. I remember Barbara Pierce Bush went to Tanzania. I'm the assistant detail leader, which means I was like the head person. And then my boss from headquarters came, but he wasn't there yet. And we were having a briefing.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I was protecting. I was the assistant detail leader for Barbara Pierce Bush. So George Bush Jr. 's daughter, one of the twins. It's Jenna and Barbara. I had Barbara. So she went there to do like philanthropic work, aid. And we were going to some really like not safe areas, right? A lot of vulnerabilities, a lot of concerns. So I set up the briefing. I'm the person in charge. And I
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And agents are coming from different parts of the country to help supplement. Some agents I've never met. So I remember one guy walks in and he's like, oh, hey, hi. So this is in the hotel room. We're having the briefing and no one's there yet. It's just him and I. Hi, you know, how are you? Okay.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
He's like, hey, you know, the intern staff room is down the hall if you want to go, you know, find it. I can show you. So when he saw me, he made an assumption I was staff, intern. You know, I was part of the entourage but not an actual agent. And so I'm like, actually, no, I'm the assistant detail leader here. You know, thank you for joining. What office are you from?
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
So now, could I be pissed off? Sure. Did he make an assumption based on what he saw? Sure. Those are moments where, like, I don't care.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
In the Western world, the science shows that we actually downplay our faults. When we make a mistake, it's not that big of a deal. We downplay our stuff and we actually lift up our positive attributes. It's okay, but to a point, because when you downplay things and you downplay your involvement, you downplay your choices, you downplay what role you play in your life.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
No.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
No, who looked like a big dummy afterward? He did, not me. It does become annoying, but this is like where you got to be like, this is where you have to pick your battles. You can't fight everybody. Oh my God, Steven, imagine how exhausted you'd be if you fought every buffoon that came your way.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Right. And I'm busy. I have things to do. Think about how much time and energy they take and waste from you. And that's talk about a life of being stagnant and doing nothing because you're too busy fighting everybody. Choose and fight strategically. So if it's something I need to fight, fight. I'll give you another example. After September 11th, the U.S.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Secret Service field office was in the World Trade Center 7. So when the towers collapsed, we lost our whole office. So immediately the Secret Service New York office, they were trying to find a new home. So they found office space in Brooklyn. And, you know, obviously in a place like that, like the office space needs to be designed a specific way for like what we're doing. Again, nondescript.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Nobody needs to know we're there, but you're designing it to look and feel a certain way to get things done. I'm an agent now. I get called into the SACS office, which is the head boss. And he says, I need you to design this office for me. Work with headquarters. Get us nice photos. Make this look like our new home. You know, we have a lot of briefings here. I'm going to put you in charge of this.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Can you do this? Okay. Yes, sir. There's 250 agents in the office. I get pulled for interior design duty, HGTV. Here we go. So I said, all right, no problem. So I did. I'm like, I'm going to do it. I'm going to own it. And I remember some of the women were like, aren't you? I'm like, no worries. I was like, I'm going to do the best damn job I can. So I did. Took me months. I made a nice office.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I was done with it. Fast forward. That same boss puts out an open bid. New polygraph position. There's only two polygraph examiners in the New York office, 30 throughout the whole U.S. Secret Service. A spot comes open, which is rare. Everybody puts their name in whoever wants it. Everybody puts their name in. People senior to me put their name in.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And then one of the senior polygraph guys was like, why don't you put your name in? I'm like, dude, no way. No one's going to confess to me. They're going to see me. They're going to high-five each other. I'm never putting my name in. He's like, put your name in. He's like, you don't know. I wait till like the last half hour before they call it a bid closes, and I throw my name in.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I'm like, it's not going to happen. Guess what? Week later, I get a phone call. Come to my office. Same boss. Sits me down. He's like, I had X amount of people put in, maybe 30 or so people. He's like, I picked you. And he said, do you know why? I said, no, sir. He's like, I gave you that assignment to design the office and fix it. And at no point did you bitch or complain or say anything to me.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And in fact, you did a great job. Thank you. This is your assignment. Put in.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I could have. I could have. But I assure you, I would not have gotten that position. I also knew somebody has to do it. So he happened to pick me. Maybe he likes my sense of style. Maybe not. Maybe because of the way I look. Maybe because I'm a woman. I don't know. You know what's funny? He didn't know this. I actually studied fine art in college. So... So I wasn't that appalled.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And I also looked at, you know what, too? I also looked at the opportunity because now I got to work with people in headquarters that I never would have gotten exposed to. And like all the historic archive stuff. So there was a part of it I was like, oh, this is kind of cool. Now, could I have argued it? I could have. But then I guess you choose. I chose not to. Long term, it worked out for me.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
then you really are essentially powerless and you're blaming the world. And I'm not saying that other people can't harm you. They will. They just will. I think if people made peace with the fact that there are bad actors out there, some I know, some I don't know, and in pursuit of their self-interest, people are going to make choices that hurt me, period, bar none the end.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
There's also times where, I don't know, Stephen, like you can't care so hard. People are going to slight you. And you choose how much you're going to care about how much they slighted you. And I have noticed that the more I care, the more of a detriment it is to me. And the less I care, the better I perform overall. All I'm saying is just choose strategically.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Don't choose just because you're pissed. Because if you're doing it because you're pissed... Now you're being ruled by emotion. And any time you make choices by emotion, you're going to make bad choices, bar none the end.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
But that's why I said it. That's why you're easily manipulated. If you are the person, and please know that I was that person, If you are that person where you are just reactive, reactive, reactive, you're going to sink your ship completely. It means you're not thinking through things. It means you have no self-regulation. I self-regulate. Don't get me wrong.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
There's times where I'm like, I'm going to burn this bridge down all the way, and I don't care. I'm good with it so long as I am choosing clear-headedly, I'm going to burn this bridge down. But I'm choosing to do it. I'm not doing it reactively. I'm not doing it because I've lost control. I'm doing it because I made that choice.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I'm going to burn this bridge and this relationship, and I'm 100% okay with it. Do it. But make sure you're doing it.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Exactly.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And vibes.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And vibes. I started to shut up. I just started to be quiet. When I'm pissed, I go quiet. I don't say anything. I think that's the biggest thing. I learned to be quiet. I just learned to shut my mouth.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Shut the fuck up. Rule number one. And the reason why is not to be vulgar. It's because it helped me so much. Because the more you talk, just when you talk in general, the more you talk, the more you reveal, the more people know, the more you solicit, the more people share with you, the more you get confused, the more indecisive you are, the more, the more, the more, the more.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And when I learned to stop, self-regulate, not to shoot my mouth off because I was offended, You can only get offended, first of all, if you allow yourself to get offended. There are times that people are going to cross you and disrespect you. Yes? Yes. But, like, how often can you be offended? And also, there's times, like, who cares? Like, I don't have to have everybody's respect.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
That's another exhausting thing. I have to—you need to respect me, and you need to disrespect me. He disrespected me, and I'm Greek. It's a big thing. Like, ugh. But that's going to wear you out. And you don't need it. There were times where maybe I worked with people who I could tell I was not wanted. I remember once, NYPD, and I started off in the NYPD. NYPD, Queens Narcotics Unit.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
If you can live with that and understand that, you will be okay. Because you just have more awareness. In fact, when I did polygraphs, the interview room, after I interviewed so many people, and typically I would interview suspects, people that we suspected committing a crime.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Sorry, guys, this is a true story. And I was sent to partner up with Queens Narcotics to take down this guy who was doing child porn and counterfeit money in addition to drugs. So I get sent to the task force. This is a hardcore task force within the NYPD. I show up with agents. I'm the lead agent in charge. And I show up and they were not happy to see me. Not at all. And I remember walking in.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I don't know how it is now. I'm sure it's not. But, you know, women, calendars, centerfolds, all over the place. I walked in. Personally, I didn't care. But I was just like, I think this is going to be a problem. Not me, them. Them for me. And I could tell that they didn't want me there. They started leaving information out of briefings.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
They would ignore me when we were at doing the search warrants, like really tactical things that they were doing that were wrong. And this was a ring of people that we were trying to take down. So the first time, and then plus my team seeing this. So I don't say anything. My team doesn't say anything. My team's all guys. And thankfully, I had really respectful agents with me.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
But these guys are seeing it. They're seeing how they're treating me by proxy, them. No one's saying anything. They're disregarding us. And the reason why we were asked to be there is because we're experts in counterfeit. We're also experts in child porn. So we do the arrest. It's done. But then there's a subsequent arrest that happens. And we show up for that. Same thing.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Like literally ignoring you like you're not even there. We do the arrest. We do the prints. And at one point they even leave the precinct. And we're like, where did they go? They just completely ditched us. And I remember going back to my group leader, Carl. And I go to Carl, I said, hey, listen, if these guys call again, because there were more arrests, I was like, don't send me out there.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And he's like, why? I'm like, it's very clear they don't want me there. I said, I don't want to fight, but I'm not also going to sit and stand my ground and put myself somewhere I don't want to be. I don't like the way it feels. I don't want to be there. It's bad for the team. Send a dude. Send a dude. Don't send me back out there. I won't go.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
No.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Like yourselves out. This is also where you choose what circles you want to be in. It was a circle I chose I didn't want to be in. You can't change a mindset and culture of people. Also think about it. It wasn't one person I was up against. It was the whole group. So now I'm going to come in and bulldoze my way into this what group mentality. I think this is where I really learned to navigate
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And you have to be good at it, like where to fight, where to walk away from. And I was like, I don't need to be here. I don't need to prove anything to anybody. I've earned it. I'm like, half of you yahoos couldn't become a special agent if you applied. Like it's a hard thing to become, to go from a cop to do that. So with that, I was like, no, I don't need to.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Lie detector tests. But I was a lie detector. Not the machine. A lot of people think you hook that thing up. Oh, ping, they're lying. No. Like you sit there, you assess people, you read people. What the polygraph does... is it tells you when you ask a series of questions to this person. I hook Steven up, I ask him a series of several questions.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And it's actually the only time I ever did that because it was that egregious. It was egregious, and I thought it was a danger to me and also a danger to the other special agents. I felt like I had a responsibility, and I'm like, if I'm working with the Queens Narcotics Task Force and they're not communicating, they're withholding information, someone's going to get shot.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I was like, and that's on them, not on me, but I'm also not going to partake.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Okay? Who is it? So if it's my partner, so I'm married, I have a husband. He's another special agent. If he does something where I feel disrespected because I care so deeply about that relationship and the integrity of that relationship, him... I might argue it, not to argue, but because I want to keep a good, healthy relationship. Now, don't get me wrong.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Being in a relationship, you also let a lot of things go, right? So it's, again, what am I willing to let go? I don't want to say silly, but what's really not important? And what's like, hey, I want to address this with you, and this is why. So for me, that takes hierarchy. Who your partner is, we talked about that before.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Bar none, that is really such a crux of how well you're going to do in life. They're either going to raise you up or they're going to sink you down. So that matters. And I will do my best not to be belligerent when I'm having that discussion, right?
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Now, everybody else falls to the side for me because I understand the value of being with a person and you're with that person 90% of the time and that's an investment in that relationship. But aside from everybody else, mostly everybody else, I can let it go. I always look at, are you worth my time and energy? I'm busy. So do I need to stop and do I need to address you?
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Okay.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I look to see what Steven's autonomic nervous system is doing. Heartbeat, right? Does that change? Your electrodermal activity, how much you sweat. your breathing, the way you breathe. So that's why you have the blood pressure cuff, you have the electrodermal plates, which actually look at sweating.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
So I would deal with a specific situation, not the whole thing. I would pick a moment where I have tangible facts, and I would say, can I speak to you for a moment?
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I'm not going to do it in front of other people.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
not do anything? Well, it also depends because you said, I didn't do anything. I was trying to feed myself. And that plays a role. Like, where are you?
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
It's imperceptible to you, but the plates will pick up the sweating activity, the change in breathing. So if I'm asking you a series of questions, I'm looking at how your body deviates during those questions. You even have sensors because sometimes people try to beat the polygraph. And so there's sensor pads that we have to see if they're doing certain movements or not.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
But I think that that's okay too. But you also came to that place. It's like I think each person has to choose, and if you choose to do it, you can do it. Now, the fact that you did it in front of people, but what you did that was smart is you were able to speak. As upset as you were, you were able to speak and articulate yourself clearly. Yeah.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And it had just happened, and you were able to say what just specifically happened here. That's the difference, because sometimes it's like, I feel like you treat me this way, or I think you did this, or it seems like that. Those are very ambiguous. So if you're going to confront someone like you did, You did it the smart way because you picked a specific moment.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
You said specifically out in the hallway, you just did this. You said X, Y, and Z. If you want to say something to me, always feel free to come say it to me. That's why I also think it worked. And you're also in a place where you feel like you can do that. I think that that's okay too. But you also took a risk and you're like, uncertainty, like I'll burn this down.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
But you chose. You're like, let it burn.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Exactly. But you made a choice. You're like, let it burn. So you at some point understood there's a consequence here. And it's interesting because bullies, they flex. They're not very powerful. You know, I had—oh, gosh, we're, like, swapping stories here. I had one scenario where I inherit a case. You know, every—John's gone. He went to the president's detail. You are now taking John's case. Okay.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
There's a lot of things. So first, one of the biggest things that holds people back is the idea that I'm special. You're not that special. For example, I was one of the first responders at 9-11. I watched thousands of people die. And one of the things that got me through it was understanding I wasn't alone in it. And when you learn that, you can get through anything.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
So there were some things that were incomplete in John's case with regard to evidence. It was admin stuff. The admin paperwork for evidence hadn't been filled out yet. I got the case. I pushed it to the side. I— worked on it. I would update it, but I hadn't done the admin thing with it. Fast forward, I'm leaving because I just got bumped to a different position.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And so the new agent that got it, I'm like, hey, here's the case. I said, there's one thing that I didn't get to do. It's the admin thing for the evidence. I'm like, I can help you go through it, blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, the group leader I had at the time, which was a peer in front of the whole group, one day he's like, hey, You didn't do this admin.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
You didn't file the evidence for whatever, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he's doing this in front of everybody. You know, you need to take care of that. And that's on you. And I don't care that you inherited the case and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I'm watching this happen. And I assure you, all I wanted to do was like reach over and lunge him by the neck. But I didn't. I left. I was pissed.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I let it ride, my anger ride. And later that day, I went and I found him after I calmed down. And his name was Jeff. I'm like, hey, Jeff, come here. Let me talk to you. And I took him into the stairwell because we had these secure stairwells. I said, listen. Earlier on, you brought up this case. Your arms are 100% right. I didn't finish the admin paperwork for the evidence.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I will take care of it, and I will help the new agent do it. I said, however, I was like, if you ever want to address me, because he was very insulting when he did it. He did it in front of the whole group to flex. I said, if you ever want to address me, don't ever do it like that again.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I personally don't think you can beat it. But again, the test itself means nothing. You can't take it to court. You can't say, judge, they failed their polygraph. That's not what it's there for. It's there to get more information. And look, who are you, if you're lying, who are you really in judgment of? Yourself. That's why your body's reacting.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I go, because I'm addressing you, and I'm actually giving you more respect than you showed me in there before by pulling you into this stairwell. I said, so if you want to address me, feel free to pull me to the side and speak to me. But what you did out there, there's no need. We're peers. And that's it. You may be the group leader, but there's no need to talk to me like that.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I go, have the decency to address me the way, with the courtesy that I'm giving you, because I could have easily tore your head off in there.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
He was a peer slash group leader. So we were the same, but he happened to be a group leader, which meant he oversaw me. I said, so next time, there's not going to be a next time. It was immediately, I'm sorry, you're right, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Now, for that scenario, I wanted to have long-term good relationships, because this person was in my squad. And so that's why I handle it like that.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Never happened again. So I guess there's different ways to do it. With Jeff, I preserved his dignity. Because if I would have shot back, he would have shot back at me. I would have shot back at him. And there's a point, too, where I'm like, I don't want to sit and fight and look stupid. I want to be in control of how I manage an environment.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And me yelling back or confronting someone sometimes may not be it, especially if I think I can't keep myself composed. And in that moment, there was no way I was going to be composed.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
What are you talking about? I don't know what you mean. No, that's not what I meant. That's why you have to come with very specific stuff. But, you know, even if you said you were pissed when you did it, if you were still able to articulate yourself, you were. I think it's okay to own it. Listen, I'm not saying I've always flown like... up top.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Like there's times where I'm like, I shouldn't have done that or said it, but I also run hot and I know myself. And so I have to police myself. And then there's times like we learn our lesson. It's just, I think whatever you do, just own it. Whether if it was the wrong thing to do, just say, I won't do that next time. But I feel like you were okay.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
So what is she doing, actually? She's becoming... Suppressing herself. Yes.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I think that that's okay, too, though. Like, she can, it reminds me of that narcotics story. It's like, she's just like, I just don't want to be here anymore.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
But at the same time, too, if she keeps going, when you go small, small, small, they go higher, higher. It's, you know, speaking of Billy's... I'm going to bring it back to crime. When I started interviewing suspects, right, you watch TV shows and in your head you think these predators, right, are like these like really intimidating, scary predators, the way they behave.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And you think like, I'm going to get these like savages in the room. Nope. And you know what's interesting? When you look at the populations of people being victimized the most, first it's children, then it's women, and then it's elderly. Why? Because they're the easiest to victimize. So when you look at predators, they pick easy prey or what they perceive as easy prey.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
They don't want fair fights. I would sit across people in the room who did like really horrific crimes against kids. And you would look at them and you're like, you? I could eat you for lunch. A lot of times, too, we build up people in our heads and we think like they're these high apex individuals. They're not. They prey on people weaker than themselves. And why?
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
It makes them feel stronger and better, more powerful. Why do you need to do that? Because you feel weak. That's why you do that. That's why you bully. That's why you push. Because you feel a void and you look to fill that void by taking from other people. And that's what makes you feel strong. All these predators, I never sat across from anybody. to include terrorists.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I never sat across anyone and I was just like, oh, this guy's scary. Never. I'm shocked actually as I say it. I have never to this day sat across someone where I'm like, oof, not once. Everybody, I'd walk in and I'm like, you? In my head, of course, the inside voice. Like, you did this? And so I guess like bullies, like I think sometimes we unfortunately give them more weight than
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
and gravitas, then they really are weak. Weakness all the way through.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
You stop acting like prey. So the one thing you're not going to be is, it depends who it is. First of all, if it's personal relationships, you have to set the intention of the relationship from the beginning, how you want it to go. So let's do work. Work is an easy one. I'm not there to be your friend. I can be friendly, but I'm not going to be your friend.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I'm not there to be super nice to you or super sweet or super kind. I can be warm. I can be respectful. I can be compassionate. I can be those things, but I got to bring the right version of me to a work environment because then I just get... Because then I set the tone of like, well, is Evie my friend? Or is Evie my boss? Like, what am I dealing with here?
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Like, always keep that level of professionalism. Always. And I make a point to do it because then it just becomes really awkward if people are your friends. Can you balance a relationship like that? You just got to be really, really, really, really good. But don't come in and literally make yourself a doormat or overextend to the point.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Because the more you overextend, even a good person is going to be like, oh, that's just how she is. That's how he is. They get used to being like that. And people... like being catered to. They like feeling like they're above. And so now you create this role dynamic of I'm subservient and you're here.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
So you want to make sure that no matter how excited you are to work with someone or be with someone, that you don't create this disproportionate thing. You want to keep the seesaw level. It'll go up and down. But you want to make sure that you, because you will do it. Everybody assesses everybody. Everybody sizes people up. They do it intuitively. People meet you, they size you up.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Oh, he seems like this. She seems like that. She seems like she's going to be this way. Project what you want them to feel. I'm here. I'm warm. I'm open. I'm happy to be here again. Thank you for having me. Let's talk. But at the same time, you can also think about how you sit, how you carry yourself, your voice, your tone. All these things play along together.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I know people talk about body language. It does play a role in the fact that, look, something as simple as when you go to meetings, Are you in the meeting and you're like this? You're small. Maybe you got your phone out, right? What am I doing? I'm making myself small. My hands aren't on the table because I don't think I'm worth putting my hands on the table, right?
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I want to literally make myself disappear. I'm not going to ask any questions. I'm going to maybe sit like this with my thing here, right? So this is telling you a story about me. It is. So it's a really subtle way to be like, Why don't I sit with purpose? I'm going to sit like this. I'm going to have my arms out. I'm going to have my shoulders back.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Something as simple as just my posture means something. There's a study actually done. New York City, they put up cameras years ago and they started recording people walking in New York City. Then they took the footage and they played it to convicted felons in prison. And they said to them, who would you pick as prey? They all picked the same people to pray on. All the same people, just by walk.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
There were three types of walk they found out. One walk was, I'm walking, I'm sloppy, I'm not paying attention, I'm just like in my own space. I have really no deliberate purpose in the way I'm moving my body. Target. Easy prey. Other easy prey. My walk is small. I'm more timid. I'm kind of like not comfortable. I'm like paying attention. Easy prey. Those two bar none were picked.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
You know who they didn't pick? The walk wasn't too sloppy big. It wasn't too small. It was right in the middle. And it's deliberate. I'm in control of my body. I'm looking around. I'm present. I own my space. That person, I want nothing to do with. Those group of people were not picked to be targets. So we exude vibes, energy, all that stuff.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
But even this, this tool that we don't pay attention to, our body, Think about how you use it to portray yourself when you're out there. Am I commanding myself or am I just not paying attention at all? So even subtle things like that. Your voice. It's called paralinguistics. And I wrote about it a lot in Becoming Bulletproof. Your voice. Do I talk like this? Hi, I'm Evie. So nice to meet you.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I'm so glad to be here. Hi, guys. Love it. Right? What kind of guest am I going to be? Right? But when I find my true voice and I own it, I slow down my speech. I bring down my tone and pitch to my true voice, to at least the most powerful voice. And I'm grounded. And I take my time. And I'm also, when I speak and I take my time, I'm letting you know I deserve to be here.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
What I'm saying deserves to be heard, and I deserve to take time for you to listen to me, as opposed to when I speak really, really fast because, hey, guys, look, really quick. I don't want to take up anybody's time anymore. I know you're all busy. What did I just tell everybody? Don't listen to me.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
What I'm about to say isn't really relevant, and you're more important, and what I'm about to say really isn't. I just killed it. How many times do people finish meetings like that? Why are you saying that? You just told them, don't listen to me. These are subtle things that if we just pay attention to, you don't have to do a lot. You don't have to do a lot. There's no magic pill.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
There's no secret to this other than really own yourself and think about what am I exuding with my energy, with my body, with my voice, even your voice. Your voice captures so many things. You have to think of it like over your time in your life, your voice captures the things you've been through.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Whether you were told to be quiet, be a good girl, be a good boy, don't talk loud, don't do this, don't do that. And you have to think like over time, this voice has become a bit mangled because other people around you were telling you how to use it. And often we're actually not using our true voice.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
It's the voice that we've sort of somehow manufactured and created based off of what everybody else told us it should sound like. And so you want to pay attention to that. Like, how do I sound? And I even noticed when I—my husband pointed this out because he's kind of got the same background. He said to me once, he's like, you ever notice that when you talk to your mom, your voice goes high?
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And I was like, it does? He's like, yeah, it does. Because she's my mom. She's an authority. And also she has a higher voice because she talks with a very high voice. And I'm like, you're right. And so even with my daughter, because I have a little one.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I try very hard to make sure that I don't do like the baby babbling voice and like the high-pitched voice because I don't want her to grow up thinking that because she's a girl, she has to talk like this all the time. Hi, Mom! Because I want her to have a strong commanding presence. And where's she going to learn that from? her mom.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
In fact, there are studies done that even in scenarios where a child may be favored the opposite sex parent, they imitate the same sex parent. So my daughter, whether she likes me or not growing up, will imitate my behavior more so because I'm the one she's learning from. And so I have awareness with that.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
It starts with who's around you. That's where it starts. If you have people around you, anybody can break victimhood. Like anybody can. You can. So I want to put that out there. Just because you're locked in a place doesn't mean you have to stay in there. You can. But usually if you're locked in somewhere, it's because the system you have around you
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Who's going to listen to anything I say? Hi, everybody. Welcome. Today we had a mass shooting. Do I sound like I know what I'm talking about? I don't. Even if what I'm saying is correct... It's do I believe in the words that I'm saying? Do I own the words I'm saying? If I don't believe in them and I don't sound like I'm not talking about, you won't either. In fact, when you watch any...
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
any news anchor, you will hear they've got a strong anchored voice. Because even with breaking news, stuff changes all the time. I remember I was covering the recent shooting in New Orleans. It's breaking news. I'm getting information as it's coming in and I'm doing a breakdown the best I can with the information that's coming in. But I still have to convey it in a way
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
where people can trust and believe in what I'm saying. But if I don't sound like I believe in what I'm saying, it's not going to land. This, the way you sound has more impact than the words you actually say. That's a big thing. I learned this later on. I learned this as an agent and then even more so when I began doing TV because there were times where I'm like, man, this is what I sound like.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I don't know if you've ever had that. Maybe when you first started off.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Where you play yourself and you hear yourself and you're just like, oh.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And then you're like, you know, I need to fix that. I don't need to sound like that. I need to sound a certain way. I'm the host of a podcast. I'm asking these questions. I'm sitting across from these people. I need to match them to some degree to show that, like, please listen to my show. I deserve to be here. I'm giving you good information. I'm credible. I'm credible.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Yeah, it's probably because I'm Greek.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
So don't hide your hands. Just for anybody listening, 101, if you're sitting in a meeting, don't hide your hands. Don't sit on them. Don't hide them. Just one, it doesn't look good. It doesn't send a good message. It sounds like you're kind of insecure. You don't want to be there. Hands out. I'm here. I'm present. And yes, these are called illustrators.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
that you also helped create and perpetuate to some degree. We're not completely innocent. We play a role. The system that is built around you keeps you. Think of it this way. It keeps you in jail. So you have to look at your environment and say, what about my environment is keeping me here? Usually it's a person or people. Hopefully it's one and you're not dealing with multiple.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
When you do this with your hands, it's called illustrators. Now, there's a couple of things with illustrators. One is It can make it more interesting to watch someone speaking when you use an illustrator. It adds more emphasis. You said it. It adds another layer aside from me just sitting still, right? It engages people and pulls in the viewer a bit more. It's more engaging. That's one.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
The other thing with illustrators is it can be a cultural thing. I'm Greek. I'm from New York. So I've got massive problem with these things. I actually work very hard to put them away. The other thing that's actually interesting, which you didn't ask, but I will volunteer this information. It's another way I would use to tell if somebody's being truthful or not. Again, everybody is different.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Everybody's body language is different. But when you're speaking to someone and they use illustrators when they normally talk, Typically, when we see illustrators, it's truthful, right? They're telling you a story. Yesterday, yes, you know, I went out with my friends. We went and we had burgers. And then afterward, we went to the store.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
So when you see somebody doing that, it is very likely they are reliving the event and you can see the body reliving it with them. So when you see that positive sign, typically, that they're being truthful. Now, if you're talking to someone who uses illustrators and all of a sudden they do this.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
during a certain part of the story. So tell me who you went out and had dinner with, Evie. Oh, you know, it was just some people from the office. In that moment, what you're going to do is say, okay, Evie's used illustrators this whole time. I shifted the conversation. I asked her something else. Now her hand's been away. Why? Why? That's it. Why? That's lie detection 101.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Now it doesn't mean I am lying because everybody lies different. Everybody's behavior is different. We're not going to put people in a box because that's just dumb. However, what you're noticing is a deviation. Whenever you tell stories, she uses her hands. And then for whatever reason, I asked a question. That question prompted something in Evie and Evie put her hands away. She did a shift.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And now you, having caught that, you're going to ask me more questions. You're not going to move on to the next topic. You're going to find a way to say, I need to get Evie to talk more about who she went out with last night because clearly something just happened.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Part of with lying, right, if we're just using lying, or if you ask me something for whatever reason, let's say I don't want to tell you who I had dinner with last night, right? When I feel that, I'm overwhelmed. I'm inundating. Lying is hard. Lying is hard. You have to think of what you're saying. How am I going to say it? Is it going to be believable? I want to move the topic on.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I don't want to get caught because who wants to be a liar? Although everybody lies to some degree. Right? So it's overwhelming. It's actually a heavy cognitive load.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
That's why one of the things, it doesn't mean it's the only thing, but one of the things we were taught to pay attention to body language to people, like if you read them well, you'll know what to look for and look for the deviations because everybody is uniquely different. But you would look at body language to see what are they doing with their body.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Because lying is hard, and usually you want to go still. And because you're putting so much of a cognitive load here, all this stuff goes away. So that free-flowing Evie telling you the story about, I went out, I had dinner, I had a burger, it was great, goes away the moment you're like, well, who'd you go have dinner with, Evie? And now if in that moment I don't want to tell you,
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I'm having that, oh, shit factor. What am I going to say? How am I going to say it? I'm overloaded. And so I stop moving. The body does less in that moment, in this specific scenario.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Now, it can be family. And that's where, you know, when you deal with children and you deal with certain, you know, crimes and abuse. I always feel like the one population of people that truly have, I don't want to say excuse, but it's really not their fault, are kids. Because they're just so vulnerable and they rely on you for their livelihood.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I don't believe in fake it till you make it. And I actually don't like that term. You know why? There's nothing fake about me or you. I don't need to be a fake version of myself. But what I can be is a more aware version of myself. And something as simple as just doing one thing Steven, just that one thing, it's like, you know what? I'm just not going to make myself small.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
When I walk, I'm going to take up space. That's it. That's all I'm going to do. I'm not there to solve like a whole puzzle about why I am the way I am and why psychologically I walk this way, but I'm going to do one small thing that's going to make one small difference, and it's going to lessen slightly, whether somebody decides to pray on me or not. That's it. And so you know what happens? Habit.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
You're going to break the habit of walking like this and being invisible to just creating a very simple habit of, I just walk with my shoulders back now. Shoulders back, shoulders back. When you go down the street... In fact, when I started doing the news... and pay attention to my posture. And I would sit and do the news. I'm like, shoulders back, like in my head.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I'm like, shoulders back, shoulders back, shoulders back. Because there were times where I watched myself, or even during commercial break, my husband would send me a text. He's like, Jesus Christ. He's like, sit up straight. You look terrible. He's like, no one's going to believe. He's like, stop slouching. And I'm like, oh, you're right. It's just, what am I projecting?
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
So there are simple things you can do. So It's not one big thing we do over time. And I follow this too. It's like over life, it's like one small thing for me to change a habit of something that I do. Just start small and then conquer that thing and then move to the next thing and then move to the next thing. But at the same time, be Be kind to yourself. Like we can't just beat ourselves up.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I'm not this. I'm not that. I'm not confident. Like that narrative just takes you down, down, down, down. And you can literally, I'm also not telling you to be like, I'm fantastic. I'm great. I'm this. It's just, just be here. Just be like somewhere in the middle.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
You know, and speaking of which, it reminds me of, and this is kind of something a little bit different, but we talked about steadiness earlier. Like, how do you stay steady? And the one thing I also learned about steadiness and just Kind of finding that space where you're in control. It's something called neutrality mindset.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Actually, the person who brought it more to my attention, you had her on, Gabrielle Lyon, Dr. Gabrielle Lyon. She's married to a SEAL. Now, Gabrielle, who's actually my doctor.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
When you tell yourself, nobody knows what I'm going through. Nobody can help you because it's just you going through it. Now, the next thing, what's most important is this tool that we don't pay attention to, our body. And there's this study where they started recording people walking. Then they laid it to convicted felons and they said to them, who would you pick as prey?
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
She's married to a Navy SEAL, Dr. Lyon. When her book was coming out, she was asking me all these questions. She's like, you know, my book's coming out. You know, she was asking me questions. Smart woman, because I had a book come out. So she's like, let me ask Evie, who's had a book come out, her opinion on a couple of things.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And at one point, she said to me, you know, were you nervous about whether it would perform well or not or how it would do? And I said, no. And she's like, no. She's like, you weren't worried it wouldn't make this list or that list? I was like, no, I didn't think about it. And she laughed. I said, why are you laughing? She's like, because you're all the same. You, my husband, all these Navy SEALs.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
They need somebody to feed them, clothe them, take care of them, or they can't survive. However, if as you age, right, as you mature, it's looking at your environment, who's around me and who is keeping me here. Who? And you know what becomes hard? It becomes hard because you'll have a, let's say, I'm going to use this term, bad actor in your life. That bad actor can be mom, dad, sibling, brother.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
She's like, you're all in the middle. And what she was talking about is we have a neutrality mindset, which means we don't celebrate high highs, but we also don't fall down on low lows. We're always in the middle. So going back to my book, if my book did well, it would do well because it was a good book and people liked it. That was it. And if it didn't do well, it didn't resonate.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I wasn't tied to the fact that, oh my God, it's doing great. It's selling. I didn't celebrate that. Now you would look at it like, why wouldn't you celebrate a high? I can, but what I start to do is I cultivate a habit where I'm tied to the external world. And when the external world is giving me this thing that I want, I'm happy.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
But the flip side is that when the external world is going to give me things I don't want, I'm also going to be tethered to that and I'm going to sink down. But if I'm in the middle, I don't have high highs, I don't have low lows. I'm always somewhere here. Neutrality mindset, which means emotionally, I'm always stable, more than likely, 99 or 90% of the time, whatever. That's neutrality mindset.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I don't have high highs. I don't have low lows. Nothing destabilizes me to that point.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
It's just, it's, well, you don't get, it sounds terrible, but one, you don't get overly excited when something happens outside. I'm not saying not to celebrate, but I'm also not going to be tethered like, I can only be happy now because this thing outside of me happened. Because now I'm training myself and my mind to be, when external things happen, then I can be truly, truly happy.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Or when external things happen, I'm going to be truly, truly sad. But when these external things happen, they don't pull me all the way up and they don't pull me all the way down, I won't have those highs and lows that other people will have. I can stay here. So I make sure that when something great is happening, very small example, I won't go out and tell everybody. I allow it to happen.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And then if people congratulate me or give me good news, I say, thank you. You know, but I don't like that to be the source of my happiness because it comes from here. Because let's say I did my book and it bombed. So what? So now, according to that theory, I should what? I should plummet and be like, oh my God, I'm a failure. I wrote a book. It was the only chance I had. It tanked it. Who am I?
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I'm this. So now my value is tied to what? My emotional state is tied to what? How well or not well my book did. That's the problem, right? So the more stressful situations you can put in, the more places of uncertainty, the more you can manage these highs and lows, the more you're going to live here. And you know what else? Going back to who is in your inner circle.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I don't like to be around people who lose their shit when things break bad. I don't. As steady as I am, they will destabilize me. They just will. So I do my very best to try to keep a circle of people around me as much as possible, of people that I know are steady. So going back to partners, I happen to have a partner, a husband, who's like that.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Something can blow up and he'd be like, all right, let's go. He's not going to destabilize. So that is infectious on me. Now, can we have people around us that are severely impacted? My mom, love you, mom, sorry. But my mom, who's like very, at times can be emotionally impacted by the outside world, yes.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
So I have to work very hard to compensate for that, to not let that impact me where I go high, high and low, low's. It's just awareness. But it's just, it's the external world, the external environment cannot be the thing that either brings you up or brings you down.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
It can be anybody. You can love that bad actor, right? But the choices and the things that that person does impacts you. It makes you more vulnerable. Even if you just look at crime, they've done a lot of different studies. And what they found is even, let's say, if I don't commit crime, but I'm around other people who commit crime, I am more likely to be shot than any other population of people.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Do you know, like, I wish people gave themselves more credit. Like, I think sometimes people are like, I'm not—it's like, you are. Like, you have so much more authority and regulation over yourself than you realize. And I think sometimes, too, the narrative out there is like, oh, this happened to you. It's not your fault. Oh, that happened to you. It's not your fault.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Or this person did this to you. It's not your fault. And so what happens is the narrative that we hear right now is this external world is fluctuating you. It's not your fault. And so if it's not my fault, how can I stabilize it? So that's one thing. So I'm not saying it's your fault, but I'm saying you have the ability to self-regulate.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Please stop listening to everybody else that's telling you it's not your fault, it's out of your hands, it's this, it's that. No, everything always starts and ends with you. If you can just keep that, it starts and ends with me, one, you're right there. Two, in those moments when you start to catastrophize or you start to feel yourself go that way, stop.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Literally just say out loud to yourself, stop it. Stop it. Talk to yourself. Like interrupt that thought. Just interrupt it. Don't let it finish. Even if you're having a high high with something great happening, I'm not telling you not to be happy, but also don't over sensationalize it. Don't go tell everybody because then you're pulling yourself up. You're being tethered by that, right?
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I'm trying to, what I'm saying is don't be this up down yo-yo. Cut it. Just be like, oh, no. Like literally just tell yourself. There's moments where I talk to myself all the time. I'm my voice. And so if there's moments where I think my voice is drowning out, I will say, hey, no, this is what we're going to do now. Talk yourself through it.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
It's such a powerful thing to really just stop the thoughts, just stop them and take ownership and say, stop thinking that. No. There's this person who used to tell me that one of the things that she used to say to herself was cancel, cancel. It was a negative thought or something bad. She would say to herself, cancel, cancel. I'm canceling that thought out loud. So find something.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
that interrupts it. That's where you just start. Like we're not trying to do the whole feat. We're just trying to break these habitual patterns. And also sometimes I quite honestly, this nonsense stuff that we're fed, that really keeps us like just, it just keeps us from being able to take ownership over ourselves.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
But you can interrupt that voice. Like you have the ability to say stop.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Talking yourself through things is actually good. Even in, you know, going back, even in training, when we would be put in scenarios, like they would, they would simplify things like in some scenarios, like, hey, step one, this, step two, this, step three, this, or they would create acronyms. Like, you know, I'm going to make one up because I can't think of one, but like stop, target, move, shift.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And they would teach you to say that to yourself as you're in this stressful situation. Like if they created, like they would create scenarios where there would be explosions, attacks, all right, talk to yourself. And like literally when we would do, let's say a scenario in Beltsville, and we do an ambush on... They create a system where they do ambushes on us.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
All right, fight yourself out of it. Because you're so overloaded with the stress of what's happening, and even though you know it's training, you don't want to look bad in front of your peers. You don't want to look like you don't know what you're doing. You want to do a good job. And sometimes, even though it's training, the body doesn't know it's training, and it thinks it's real life.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
There's moments. And literally... Like you'd be in these tactical scenarios and you would talk to yourself in your head. And sometimes you could do it even out loud. Stop, shift, move, target, move, target, take. You know, so I'm giving like a hypothetical example, but this ability to talk yourself through movements is also a very powerful thing. It can stop like this mass amount of like,
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
muck in your head and kind of clear it out. So I actually learned that in training and they taught us like just tactical words, sentences, things to say to ourselves that would just help us habitually move through problems. Kinesis, just keep moving, keep moving through the problem.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I could not be involved in any nefarious activity at all. I could be clean, but simply because of who I associate with, that makes me more vulnerable to becoming a victim. So that's where you start. Who's around you? Now, other really important things, whoever you pick for your companion, if you have one, it's huge.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
But you have to go through it. There's no exception. The harder you work, you're going to work so hard to avoid it, which actually just makes you more afraid and weaker. Where it's like, it's just going to happen and being okay. We mitigate as much as we can through the circle of people, what we choose to do, what we choose to surround ourselves with. We understand that, right?
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
The vest, the bulletproof vest can only cover so much of our body. And then we understand that we are vulnerable in other areas and you're going to have to go through it. Even as a mom, like one of the things is I want to give my daughter the best tool so that she can problem solve. And it's not just being able to feel the stress. It's being able to, when you're dealing with a scenario like that,
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
You can't just sit and be paralyzed by it. You're like, I have to respond to this. And you learn to cope. You learn coping skills and strategies. You're learning to problem solve. The only way you learn to problem solve is when you're dealing with a problem. If everything's problem free, you don't know how to problem solve.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
So one of the things I make sure with my daughter, even though she's still very young, is I will look at moments where she's frustrated. Let's say she's trying to climb onto the bed. I will let her, as long as it's safe, I'll let her be frustrated and cry and scream until she gets up on the bed. I've seen her do it. I know she can do it. So I will tell her, I will say, work out the problem.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
There's incremental things we can do in our lives. to allow ourselves to learn how to problem solve. There's no escaping problems for anyone. There's no escaping hardship for anybody. There's no escaping trauma or tragedy for anybody. There just isn't. I think when you come to terms with that, Like, you're okay.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
But it's when you can't come to terms with it and you think, like, life's just bad for me. Life's picking on me. My life is hard. My life is this. My life is that. You know, you're not that special. I just did my second TED Talk, and I talked about the six inhibitors that hold us back, hold people back.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And it was based off of all the mentors I did, like hundreds, which happened after I wrote my book when people were writing in. And one of the biggest things that holds people back is the idea that I'm special. I'm special in that my problems are special. My pain is special. I'm so unique. Nobody knows what I'm going through.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
That companion's either going to raise you up or they're going to sink your ship down.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
So when everything around me, if I'm that special, why I can't figure my stuff out? Because I'm not like everybody else. And when you do that, when you have that narrative, like that you think of yourself in that way, you are telling yourself, I'm alone in the world. because I'm special. Nobody can know what I'm going through or struggling with or dealing with. And it's actually kind of,
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
when I would talk with people and like you'd give them solutions and they're like, no, no, no, but that won't work for me because of this or this and that. It was always like, and I would tell them, I'm like, I say this with all the love of my heart, you're not that special. If you recognize that, then you're going to realize that you're not alone in this world going through all this stuff.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
This stuff isn't just happening to you and there's solace. You know, after 9-11, you know, I survived 9-11. I was one of the first responders there. I don't even like to use the word survive. I was there. I lived through it. People ask me, you know, how did you deal with the aftermath? Because, you know, you're watching thousands of people die. You almost die yourself.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
If we're talking, I would say first intimate partner, whatever that is to you, husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever that is, companion. That's number one because that's the person. Here's the difference between like a partner and a friend. Your friend goes home to their home. You go to your home. A companion or partner, you probably live with them.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I like lived through.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Survive to me has a negative connotation. It's not as powerful. I don't like it. To me, I live through. Survive is this thing happened and this is how it feels because I'm trying to articulate it. It feels like I survived through it. It's like, no, I thrived through that. I lived through that. I thrived through it.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Survive makes me think I barely made it, which technically I kind of did, but I don't care. But one of the things that helped me get through it, when people were like, there's trauma. Truly, I watched thousands of people die, people jumping. And you can't do anything. You tried. I tried. And then after that, we had search, cleanup, and rescue efforts.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And I will tell you, one of the things that got me through it to the point where I barely dealt with any type of real... aftermath, like PTSD or anything like that. I'm not saying I didn't get anything, but what helped me through is I wasn't that special. I wasn't alone in it. When you know you're not alone in the world, like you can get through anything.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
But when you tell yourself that you are that unique and that what is happening to you is just happening to you, then all your pain is special. All your problems are special. Your trauma is special. And then nobody can help you because it's just you going through it. How alone is that? And it's that mental shift of when you can hear other people's stories or see what other people are going through.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And then that helps pull you through your stuff. I will tell you that I'm Not That Special has gotten me through so much.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Because I'm not special. And I think, I don't know, I think it's a detriment when people think that they're that special. I think it takes you down.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I don't think it's a story. We all think we're the sun, right? And everything moves around us. And when you are in that space, when you think you're that special, you self-analyze. You go in a lot more. And you would probably say, well, that's good, Evie. Is it really that good for me to sit and analyze everything going on in my life? Or when I overanalyze, I overassess. I'm overly critiquing.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I'm so focused on myself. Do you know what that actually does? Actually, you have higher rates of anxiety and higher rates of depression because I am so self-focused. Now, I'm not saying when I say you're not that special, I don't mean that you're arrogant or narcissistic or self-absorbed.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I mean that you are so self-focused that the outside world fades and it's just you and whatever it is you're dealing with. How can you get out of that? That's a very hard headspace to get out of.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
That means you are so overly exposed to that person and And you need to make damn well sure that that person is not contaminating your life. You can still love them, but you can step back and look at, there's a problem here, that this person's stuff is contaminating my life. And it's a hard thing to do for folks because this is why...
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I don't think that they realize that they're in that space. They're not listening. Like, sometimes you can even talk to people. They're not listening to you.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Because they don't think anything's wrong. Or sometimes they'll look to you and be like, oh, you're you. Like, you don't know what I'm going through. Or you don't realize. Here's the thing. You and I talking about stuff from an from a place where we're trying to understand it objectively. We're looking to not live that way. We're looking to understand it and so we can share it with others.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
But the only people that are going to receive it are the people that watch this podcast and want to. And even then, when they watch this, they're going to pick and choose the parts that that work for them or the parts of this podcast that fit the narrative that they tell themselves?
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
You know, it reminds me a little bit of histrionic disorder or where you pretend you're sick and it's like one of the disorders, you pretend either you're sick or your child is sick. Because when you do that, you get a lot of attention. And so if I'm a victim of something or I'm going through something, are you okay? Are you all right? Do you need something? And it does cultivate this
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
you're with someone, it's like, okay, I'm with Evie, but you know, Evie is this and Evie is that. And so you start to blend my identity with my behavior. And then over the time too, you normalize the things I do if I'm a bad actor. Well, Evie didn't mean it. She's always hotheaded. You know, she's this, but she did all these nice things for me here. And then what we do is we miss stuff.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
attention, whereas if everything's okay, that all goes away. And so I think all of it, it's people. I think it's so many different things. People get comfortable. They don't want to get out of it. They don't think anything is wrong. It serves them. Nothing's wrong with my life. Who are you to tell me? It's like all these different layers. And when it's people close to us, it's hard.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And I just have surrendered that Two things. Who am I to tell somebody else how to live? So if they think that that's the way their life needs to be, I do have a little bit, I'm not that special, so who am I to tell you that you should live this way? There's a little bit of, or a lot of rather, let people live how they want to live.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Well, you know, so in the context of identity, the identity mindset, if we go back, it's that I'm special mindset. I'm in an emotional state. I'm special. That's like identity mindset. That's how you know when you're talking to someone, if they're instrumental or identity. If they're instrumental, they're task oriented, they're moving, they're trying to solve problems.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
If they're identity, they're stuck. They're emotional. I can't believe this. I can't believe this happening to me. So with that, when you can figure out what mindset somebody is in, then you can talk to them, but you talk to them in the mindset that they're in. If somebody is instrumental, I'm going to know this is a person that's just like, tell me what to do. Just get to the point.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I just wanted this, this, and this, and this. There's no feelings. There's no stuff involved. There's no emotions. Somebody's identity is Right? They are, it's about them, it's how it's affecting them. Typically, again, when we're very self-focused, higher depression, higher anxiety, because we're overanalyzing things, we're in an emotional state.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
So when someone's there, it's good for you to know because you know in that moment, they're not listening to what I'm saying. They are stuck in their space. Now, if I'm looking to progress the conversation, let's say they work for me, I'm gonna sit and listen to them Let them offload to a point to get them where I need them to be or to get them to get to this instrumental space.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Like an agency like the U.S. Secret Service, it was very instrumental. Nobody wants to hear you complaining. Get it done. Fix this. Do this. Because they didn't really have the luxury of being like that. Because if you are like that, people die. It's just like you got to move on. But if your identity and where it's like... You're really wanting other people to understand you.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
That's why it's easier for you to look at somebody else's relationship and be like, hey, problem here, problem here, problem here, because you are not tainted. By the emotional aspect of being tied to that person, you're able to look at them objectively. This is why, by and large, it's easy to give other people advice. I can see the red flags and the issues in this person.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I'm not saying that we don't visit identity land once in a while, but it's not a great place to live either because you're so self-focused that you can't function. It's me, me, me, me, me. But if you can master this, which you can easily do when you talk to people, you'll know that person's instrumental. They just need X, Y, and Z, that person's identity. Your friend is identity.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
The thing with them is their identity almost all the time.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
That's when it becomes a problem.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Do you know what's interesting? The Harvard Business Review did a study on this. They wrote about this. Do you know that the more you go through, the less empathy you have. So you would think, let's say you've been through your hardships, you would think that because you've been through that stuff, you would have more empathy.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
But as you rise through the ranks, you actually have less empathy because you've been through it, you've overcome it, and you kind of look at people like, can you please get it together?
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And if you think about it, it makes sense because it's like – Get through this. I've gotten through this. Whereas if you're dealing with someone who hasn't gone through it or is in the lower ranks at work, they've got more empathy. Because also think of it too, as you're going up in business, you're dealing with so many more people.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
They all picked the same people. They were f***ed. So there are simple things you can do with your hands, your voice, how you sit, and I will tell you everything. But also, the other thing that's actually interesting, which you didn't ask, but I will volunteer this information, are the strategies to tell if somebody's being truthful or not. And it's, that's Lie Detection 101.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
You don't have the cognitive space or load to deal with everybody's stuff. So sometimes when people come to me, my boss, my boss, and my response is, do you know how much your boss is probably juggling? It's not that they're a jerk. They're instrumental. They're just trying to get stuff done.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And you, being where you are, kind of lower in the hierarchy, you're not dealing with as much, trying to juggle as much. And so you're looking for more empathy. You have more space, more time. This person's up here. They're trying to keep that ship from sinking. So that's where a lot of people sometimes get lost with their supervisors.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
So it's interesting too, because, you know, I even noticed that for myself, I try to have empathy, but there's moments where you're like, man, I'm, you know, it can be, you want to control it on the inside, but be like, there's times where you're like, can we please just get it together? Like it's, it's not that big of a deal.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
When you're in it, you can't. It's hard. So I would also venture to say people may not like this. If you're with someone and there are people around you that you know legitimately care and love you, and they're telling you, hey, not the best thing for you, I would say please listen. Because they are seeing something that you might not be seeing.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Stop, really?
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Wow.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I think people don't, I think most people don't want to be there anymore, you know, because it's not working out for them. It's not. That's why I think most people, most people, they're trying really hard. Most people who will watch this podcast or, or watch things similar to this, they're really trying hard and they're trying to do better. I do believe that.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And I think that's why a moment like that, because they're like, I don't want to be here anymore. Just help me get the fuck out. You know, I respect that because they're trying. Like they're trying really hard as opposed to somebody who's just like, I'm checked out. And that really speaks to people just saying like, I know this isn't working. This isn't where I want to live.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
This isn't where I want to be. And it's not getting me ahead in life. You know, I always, again, I live by this credence. If I go tomorrow, am I okay to go? And it always set things right for me. If you've lived in a way where you're like, I've done or tried to do these things, then you've lived a full life. But being a victim prevents you from being, from living a full life.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
If everyone is hurting you, if everyone's out to get you, if everyone's doing something to you, if everybody is sliding you, if this person and that person, how are you living a full life if you're fighting everybody or pissed off at everybody because they disrespected you? They're not giving you what you need. They didn't validate this or validate that. How will you ever get anything done?
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
How will you ever be instrumental? It doesn't mean you need to be a CEO or a Secret Service agent. It doesn't mean you need to be anything like that. Whatever your journey is, how will you ever achieve that if you're so easily distracted by all this nonsense? Who says you have to have respect by everybody? It's nice. I welcome it. But I'm not always going to get respect.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I can sit and check every single box off. I'll be respectful to you. I'll be kind to you. I'll hand my things in on time. I'll show up on time. I'll do all these things. Check all those boxes. There are still no guarantees you'll give it to me. I know. I was a former cop, former agent. I didn't always get it. I was like, I hope I get it. But I don't need it. But we tell people, you need this.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Who says who? Who says I need everybody's respect? Who? And who am I to demand it? Who says I need everybody to like me? I don't want people to dislike me. I'm not going to do things to make people dislike me. But I'm also like, I can't navigate my ship like that. And then at the same time, if you stop and think about it, when people are like, oh, get everyone to like you, be charismatic. Pause.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Who are you making that about? You. You don't really care about the other person. It's me. I want you to like me. I want you to think I'm charismatic. Comes back to me. Me, me, me, me, me. How about there's a little less me and more of how can I be of service to this person? How can I help this person? How can I be more generous, generous to others?
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
How can I give more instead of take so that I can feel fulfilled? It's all about me and my fulfillment, my identity. Where am I going? Me, me, me. I think we need a little less of that. And how about us, us, us? How about how can I help other people? How can I be of service? How can I be genuine? And that rig, this whole thing, give me tips so everybody likes me.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Give me tips so I'm the smartest person in the room. If I'm the smartest person in the room, Stephen, I'm in trouble. I want to be the biggest dummy. Like, because I'm not learning anything from other people. And who am I to think I'm all this? Why would you want that? You know, you see this marketing stuff come up and we feed people garbage.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And then we wonder why everybody's confused, why everybody has a void. Because we're telling them, you need more, you need more. You are enough. You are steady, you are good. Stop listening to all that. Be a genuine human being. Try to do the right thing by people. Be careful because not everyone's out there.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
to do the best thing for you because people in pursuit of their own self-interest, they will screw you over and that's okay. Just don't be shocked when it happens. It happens. But move through steady and focus on being of service to others. Everything, like bring it back. And it's like, stop thinking about you. I promise you, you will have a better life. It'll be calmer. It'll be quiet.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
You'll be less depressed, less anxious, less just because it's not all you. You're in it with everybody else.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
No. Because it's fake. Because it's manipulation. Who am I doing it for? If I'm trying to get you to like me, is that who you want? Or do you want the person who's going to come on this podcast and just have a genuine conversation and do her best to give you... some valuable information to help people. Who do you want? You want me to be like, I hope Steven likes me. I hope he thinks I'm smart.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I hope Steven thinks I'm a good guest. I hope Steven invites me back. Is that what you want? And who did I just make all that about? Do I give a shit about you and your podcast? No, clearly I just care about Evie. That's the problem because I'm manipulating you to fulfill myself. That's where it goes wrong. If somebody likes you, it'll be genuine. We don't manufacture it. It's disingenuous.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
People feel it. I'm trying to be charming and charismatic. First of all, major red flag for narcissistic personality disorder, number one.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Sure. A lot of them are. In fact, when you see that, always ask yourself, what is motivating this person? I always think, what is motivating this person? So if I sit across from you, what's motivating you is you want to do a good podcast. You have millions of people who listen. You want to give them good content. Period. The end.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I think it's, one thing is you don't go from zero to 100 overnight. When you're in a relationship or you're with around people who are like that, in the beginning, you don't see it, right? Everyone's got their best behavior. But over time, you'll start to see little changes. like sneak peeks, little previews. And it's those previews you want to pay attention to.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I just want to be genuine and I don't want to be a bullshit artist. Nobody wants to be bullshitted. I've experienced it. Nobody likes it. And It's not being authentic. It's just being genuine because also you can't just walk into a room and I'm like, I'm going to be me and whoever likes it, likes it. Good luck with that.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
You want to adapt to the environment and to people you're with and what mindset that they have and talking to them in a way that they understand, not you. So that's a bit more adaptability and connecting with people. Even when I talk to businesses, a lot of times one of the big things is And they're learning this.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
A lot of businesses are moving away from being transactional, making the sale, and just trying to get these short-term goals. And what they're shifting toward, which is smart, is long-term relationships with people. Because if you have a long-term relationship with a client and they genuinely like you, not because you charm them or you trick them
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
But because they genuinely like you, they're genuinely going to want to stay with you and they're not going to want to leave and go do business somewhere else. That's why being genuine works. And you can be genuine and disagree with someone too. That holds better. People vibe other people quite a bit. And they feel it.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And if they feel your nonsense and they feel like you're tricking them or, you know, using tactics, even when I, sometimes I give keynotes and I'll tell them, I'm like, I'm not here to give you tips, tricks, or techniques. I'm not here for that. I was like, can I ask you a question? Do you like it when people use techniques on you? No. Do you like it when people use tricks on you? No.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
So why would you do that? And why would you think that's going to take you places? It'll take you somewhere short term. Long term, people are going to drop you.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
person who wants to build their resilience. Because when you deal with it, so the BBC Maestro course is the art of influence, how to influence others. So going back to the ethos of that course was And I say it at the beginning. I'm not here to give you tips, tricks, or techniques because that's not going to influence people.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
We're not trying to trick people or manipulate people to get things out of them because that's not going to help anybody in the long term. It won't help you in the long term. Influence is having the ability to have people to want to be around us, to have people to want to work with us, to have people who want to talk to us. That's what influence is.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Genuine influence and like how we push that out there. Also, in the class where I talk about rejection because we split it up into certain parts. And one of the parts was your ability to understand yourself. Kind of like... You can't influence other people if you don't understand yourself. And so part of that is how resilient are you? How steady are you?
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
We like to give people the benefit of the doubt. We listen to the excuses that they give us. And you know, there's this ancient Greek saying that says, don't listen to your opponent. Look at them. It will tell you everything. And when I say look at them, look at what people do. I need you to drum out what they're telling you. I need you to drum out their I am sorries because they probably are.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And you don't build those things unless you deal with rejection. Unless you deal with people... pushing back. Maybe be a psychopath and embrace the things that everybody else is too terrified to embrace. Everyone's so scared of being rejected. So why don't you be the deviant? Don't be like everybody else and be like, I'm ready for it. I'm good with it.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Because the more you deal with it, the better you are at dealing with it. And you're going to get it anyway.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
So that was created by researchers, Dr. Lawrence and Emily Allison. They're actually in the UK. And they created a way to break behavior down, behavior of people. They actually watched thousands of hours of interview tapes, law enforcement, intelligence. and they were coding people's behavior. So basically they were like, what behavior is this person? So there's two important things.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
One is we don't label people, we label behavior. You label behavior because people change. People are fluid. For the most part, people are fluid. So I need to look at who do I have across from me in this moment? So how they identified behavior of people, they gave them four animal archetypes. Lion, monkey, mouse, T-Rex. Lion is someone who's in charge, setting the agenda. I'm in control.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
That's lion. When you have your meetings with your team and you're the one talking and your team sitting listening, you're lion in that moment. He's in charge, setting the agenda. Mouse is a person who is patient, looking to learn. They're trying to get information. They're eager. They're humble, seeking guidance.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
It can be the people on your team who are sitting quietly because they're trying to learn. Probably in some sense right now, you and I switch back and forth from lion, and then our viewers, they're all mouse. They're all here, humble, seeking guidance. What can I learn? That's that, but it's fluid.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Now, a person who is monkey, monkey is an animal where you're social, you're warm, you're talking to people. Hi, how are you? Good. How are you? That's what that is, right? And then they're probably going to be that back to you, right? Bad monkey, which you probably get a lot is, hey, Steve, I got a great idea. Can I just share it with you? Hey, let me just put you something real quick.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
That's pleading. That's desperate. That's really wanting something. Now, the other animal is T-Rex. T-Rex, which is something I tend to lean a little bit more towards, which I work very hard not to be but that's a person who is direct, frank, and forthright. It's also a person who's like, sounds just like the animal. You're more ready to fight. Like something happens and you're like, let's go.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
There's a good version of that. There's a bad version of that. All of these have a good and bad version, but that's T-Rex. The key to people is not for you to dominate. The key to people is for you to identify the person in front of you in that moment and And then adapt to that behavior. So if I've got, for example, if you're a lion and I'm trying to be lion, we're both competing.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Nothing's going to happen. Like you're going to be talking and I'm going to be trying to talk over you. It doesn't work. But if I see, okay, right now Stephen's lying. He's the one talking. He's guiding the conversation. He's doing this meeting. I'm going to go mouse. I'm going to be humble seeking guidance. Yes, Stephen, I'm listening. I want to learn.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
They've hurt you, and they are probably genuinely sorry. That's not the point. The point is, when do you want to learn your lesson? In the beginning or at the end? And at the end, sometimes it's very, very, very hard. You know, I have a community, and I started after I did the book, and when people started writing in, I said, you know what, let me do this community.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
So the wheel actually helps you identify who you have in front and then where do you go based on what you have in front. Now, if I'm dealing with someone who's monkey, I go to this event. You're going to this event. People are talking to you. When you have monkey, you also display monkey, which is warm, social, respectful.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
However you want to be aware of, like when people are the bad version of that, which is they're trying to sell you something, they want something from you, you maintain that warm, social, respectful, but you realize I've got bad monkey in front of me. I need to keep distance. And T-Rex is, if I've got someone who's T-Rexed,
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
it just means being direct, frank, and forthright, but it also teaches you how to deal with another T-Rex. That story you told me earlier, that guy that you checked, that you had checked, he was being T-Rex. He was attacking you behind your back. He's still attacking you because you can attack somebody, not to their face, but behind their back. You gossip, you slander, you hurt their reputation.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
That's T-Rex. That's bad T-Rex, by the way. So you had bad T-Rex, and then you came in, I don't think you were a bad T-Rex. You came in as good T-Rex, but you were frank, forthright, and direct. You said, hey, I heard about that stuff you just said outside to this person. If you have something to say, please say it to me. You were actually good T-Rex. You addressed him.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And what happens is when you have T-Rex, You have to be T-Rex too. You just can't be bad T-Rex where you're patronizing, sarcastic, and insulting people, but you come in and you be direct, frank, and forthright, and you address the person. It's okay to address people. It's okay not to let stuff slide. so long as you are regulating your behavior.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
But the way you do this is these animals help you realize, who do I have in front of me? It also helps you realize, who am I more? I know when I see this, I'm T-Rex, hands down. I have to work on it. But some people, when we talked about people who are very subservient or weak or dismissive or avoidant, for them, they're mouse, bad mouse.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And when you realize, like, I go mouse a lot, then that tells you, you know what, I need to be a little bit more lying in my life.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
There's four animals. Each animal has a good version and a bad version. Good version lion is I'm in charge. I'm setting the agenda. I'm a boss who's really just trying to guide and lead his team.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Bad version of lion, which is outside that outer perimeter.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Dogmatic, demanding, rigid. This is the way I want it. This is the way it's going to be done because I want it like this.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
So first, you always want to stay in the good wheel. You always want to stay as a good animal. Like you don't want people to pull you out. And that's where it talks about self-regulation because it's very easy for people to pull you into their bad wheel, their bad animal.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And so that's one. So you always want to stay in that center part. Okay. So if I've got... It works two ways. If I've got line in front of me, I have to be mouse because the conversation won't work. We'll flip. So if I've got line in front of me, you're setting the agenda, you're controlling the conversation. I have to allow it to happen to you. Here's why.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I'll call it Beyond Be Bulletproof, and whoever signs up, and... You know, two years in, I have 800 members and we, a lot of people come in with different scenarios and they'll come in with, and it's almost always the scenario they come in with. If there's something like this, it's somebody that they're tied to. That's just sinking them, sinking them.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
If I try to talk or cut you off, you're not listening. In fact, it's going to piss you off even more. In fact, there was a big... beverage company, I won't say which, a coffee company, a very well-known one, they came to me and said, we have a problem with clients. They come in, we give them the wrong version of what they asked for, and sometimes they lose their mind.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
They had one client that came in, customer, and the manager said, I thought they were going to assault the person behind the register. We actually fixed their drink, and they were still just being very belligerent. According to that wheel, that person was T-Rex.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And they would flow back and forth between T-Rex and lion because they were trying to control the conversation. They were like, we fixed the order, we apologize, but it kept escalating. What did I do? What did we do wrong? What they did wrong was they kept interrupting and trying to stop the behavior of that person. That person was in this aggressive state, lion slash T-Rex.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And when you have somebody there, you have to let them go. Because by interrupting the person and telling them, calm down, we're going to this, what does that do? It aggravates people more. Let me vent. Let me say what I need to say. One of the ways you deal with that kind of behavior is let them go. So long as you're not in danger or someone's trying to hurt you, let it go. When they are done,
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Then you can talk, but they're not listening to you. That's why the wheel helps because if I've got a lion and he's trying to control, he's being dogmatic, trying to control the conversation, then I come in and say, hey, look, calm down. I got you another drink. I'm not letting you talk. I'm competing with you. It doesn't work. That's why it escalates. Let people go. Be mouse.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
It's hard to be mouse because people's ego won't let them be mouse. It's hard to sit there and take it. But if you can put your ego to the side, which you should put to the side. In fact, we had a saying in the interview room, check your ego at the door. Because if you bring your ego in, you're done. So you want to put yourself aside and be able to manage the behavior.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
But that requires your ability to be like, I know what I'm seeing. And this always goes back to, I don't need to address every little thing because I feel I'm being slighted. I see what I have. I've got a line in front of me. Let him finish or her. I'm going to be a mouse. I'm going to sit and listen. Humble seeking guidance. And then when they're done, now I talk.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Because also, they're ready to listen. But when you keep interrupting people, they're not ready to hear you.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Yeah.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
It's because of their ego. And they really try hard. In the U.S., in the U.K., you have a national police force. That means it's one hiring process, one police commissioner, you know, one person of authority. In the United States, there's 17,000 law enforcement entities. They all have their own leader. The problem is their training is different.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
So, for example, when I went into the NYPD, they gave me a psychology test to take. It's something similar, if not, the MMPI-2, which is the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory. What they try to see is what behaviors I have. Am I narcissistic? Am I hypochondriac? What issues are going on within me to avoid scenarios like that?
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And sometimes they're the sinker and they think it's the other person. So sometimes you're the bad actor. And you don't even realize it. So you need to figure out two things. Am I the one doing things that's not just hurting myself but other people, but I've justified it to myself in pursuit of whatever self-interest I have? Or am I tied to someone who's pulling me down?
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
You have to be steady because people are going to pull you into their nonsense. People, you can't sit there in law enforcement and be baited. If you get baited, it's a problem. You shouldn't be wearing the uniform. You shouldn't be wearing the badge. I'm not saying you need to sit there and be hurt by someone or take physical abuse, but you need to be able to control your mouth and your behavior.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
If you're in law enforcement, and I was, first of all, nobody's happy to see you. Firemen, they're happy to see them. No one's happy to see law enforcement. I've never been greeted in the interview room or even anywhere out there where they're like, hey, special agent, come on in. So glad you're here. They're not happy to see you because A, somebody's getting arrested. B, something bad happened.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
C, you're about to arrest somebody that they care about. It's all bad news. So you have to go in there understanding that. But if you're offended, you're looking to be respected, that badge is not for that. You are there to be a peacekeeper and you have to manage your behavior.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I remember NYPD Academy, they would take us to the FDR highway and the FDR runs around the east side of Manhattan by the East River. And sometimes they take you there and we'd go running and they'd have us run like long distances. People are driving by you doing 50, 60 miles an hour. When I say they're blowing past you, they're blowing past you.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And this was pre 9-11 when I was going through the Academy. They're spitting on you or trying to spit on you, cursing you, giving you the finger, calling you a pig, calling you all sorts of names. So the first time I experienced this, I'm young, we're running and somebody hollered something at us and said something. I actually stopped running and turned around and started yelling back.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And my instructor, the PT instructor, the police officer grabbed me. He's like, you don't do that. He's like, this isn't for you if you're going to do that. You have to manage yourself because when you go out onto the street, people will hate you. And if you can't control yourself, you're not going to be able to manage this.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
That was the first time I learned, like, that is not the way you earn respect. You need to manage yourself.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Yeah. Also, what does that say about me that I'm quick to respond to something like that?
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
They're going to have a hard time because they've made themselves, they've suppressed themselves so much for whatever reason, they can't lead. No one, I'm going to tell you this. There's nothing wrong with mouse. Actually, if you had to default to any one of those animals, mouse would be it. Mouse is king.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
They are.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I'm going to tell you something, Stephen. I sat across people who did a lot of different things, some serious crimes, some not so serious. Every single person sold it to themselves why they did what they did. We're sellers. I can justify anything to myself if I want to.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Yes, but mouse is good because you're humble seeking guidance. It means that you're saying less. It means you're listening. You're also gathering information. So if I'm trying to figure Steven out, I'm going to get more information from Stephen when I'm not talking and when I ask good questions rather than me talking. A lot of people think I need to be lying, in charge, setting the agenda.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
You can be, and there's times for that. Like if you're a leader, you need to be lying from time to time. You do. But mouse overall is the one who gets the most. It's the one who gets the most information so long as you're good mouse. Good mouse is humble, seeking guidance. Stephen, tell me what you're looking for in a partnership. Okay. Help me understand what matters to you most.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And I shut the fuck up and I'm going to let Stephen show me everything he cares about, his values, his beliefs. I'm going to understand Stephen and I'm going to learn a lot about him so that I can speak more intelligently to Stephen about what Stephen cares about. Not what I care about, what you care about. However, You also don't want to be the bad version of mouse.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And that's where it's weak, submissive, avoidant. And this is where you become that. And this is where people pray and victimize you. I can be mouse. I can ask questions. I can learn.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
But I want to make sure that I don't cross over to the malignant part of that, which is I'm so conflict-averse and so afraid of it that I will make myself completely small to the point where other people will just steamroll me.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
You want to be all of those animals. You want a balance of all of them. That's what you want to strive for. You want a balance of all those animals. In the good sense, right? The good version of those animals. But you need to know when am I supposed to be lying?
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
So if I'm a leader, if I'm a business person, if you're selecting someone to put in charge of a group, they have to have some lying in them. They can't all be a mouse because no one's going to listen.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
If you're negotiating a pay raise, first of all, you're gonna come in with all your homework done. You're not gonna come in and go, I think I deserve a raise. I feel like I deserve a raise. You know, I've been here for a long time. You're gonna come in with a list of facts and you're gonna say, I closed this deal and made this much money. I closed this account with this person.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I made this much money. I did this in a year. I generated this amount of money. I'm gonna list the facts so I can articulate to you why you should give me that raise. That's on you. I think, I feel, I believe. And then your boss can turn around and be like, well, I think, I feel, I believe that you shouldn't get one. It's so ambiguous. When you come in with facts, it's a hard thing to fight.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Now, when you're going into that meeting, if I'm the one asking for the raise, I'm going to go in as lion. I'm in charge. I'm setting the agenda because I'm the one asking for a raise. So I'm going to come in with my facts methodical. I'm I just wanted to talk to you. I'm looking to increase my compensation here. Well, now you're just bad lying.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Why did I do that? Well, you know, good people make bad choices. Good people make mistakes. The problem is sometimes the consequences of those mistakes, they last. But you can't vouch for anybody because you don't know who people are behind closed doors. You don't. And two, anybody is capable of anything at any given moment in time if given the opportunity.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
You want to let the guy, even if it, here's the thing. Let's assume it's no. You're like, in your head, you're like, there's no way. You're going to let the person talk. You're going to let the person feel heard, even if it's like a hard no. Because what's most important is to let them feel like you actually listen.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
So I would say, okay, I would say, could you explain to me why?
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Well, so you've got actually T-Rex right there.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
So if it's T-Rex, if it's a person who's trying to kind of push back and fight you, you have to deal with T-Rex. One of the things that they teach you with the animal wheels, the only time you swap is mouse and line because two people can't be in charge. So that's the only time. But when you have T-Rex, one of the things they teach you is you have to deal with T-Rex.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Just be the good T-Rex.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
So you said that you prefer the money go to you and not to me.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Yeah, bad T-Rex would be like, well, you're an idiot. You're ridiculous. Well, you're a jerk.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Yeah, so you're saying you're not going to give me a raise because you want to keep all the money for yourself.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And not for me. Okay, well, I don't know if I can continue to stay here if that's going to be the case, right? I've been here for X amount of years. I've generated X amount of dollars. And so that's going to be an issue for me and my ability to stay and work here. I'm being direct, frank, and forthright. Address people. You can address people. And it doesn't have to be ugly.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
Now, again, you can't control their behavior, but you can control yours. So you just want to make sure that a person who's behaving like that, that you don't get pulled into that behavior. You just want to stay on the good wheel of it. It's all self-regulation, but you also don't want to be afraid to deal with people.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
That's why dealing with rejection and tough personalities and hard people, it's good practice. Every time somebody like that comes along, I want you to think, I'm practicing, I'm practicing, I'm practicing. Don't be afraid of it. And then it also allows you to work on your T-Rex because if you have a hard time with it, it allows you to work that muscle.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
It allows you to learn how to deal with people who get in your face while managing yourself. You're going to have folks like that. I think it's what? I was listening to one researcher. One in every 25 people are either going to be a psycho. They're going to have antisocial personality disorder, which is like psychopath, sociopath type of behavior, or narcissistic personality disorder.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
One of these extreme behaviors which lack empathy. One in 25 people. That means one out of every 25 people you meet are going to be trying to slap you around. Buckle up.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I want to have given something to the world. I want to have added value to the world rather than taken from it. That's what I would like on my deathbed. And I think also I just wanted to have lived a good life. When I say good, I don't mean problem free or anything like that. I mean, just I've lived it to my fullest and I can, I can leave the world with that peace.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
If you understand that, you will not be surprised or shocked by anything or anyone. It's not that it's a morbid view of people. It's understanding people are malleable. They're susceptible, some more than others. Some... may have either stronger integrity or more. I don't even think it's integrity. It's just a stronger hold on themselves to say, yes, I won't do this. No, I won't do this.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
I appreciate you. Thank you, Stephen.
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Former Spy: If You’re Easily Offended, You’re Easily Manipulated! Psychological Trick That Makes People Respect You! This 1 Trick Catches A Lie In Seconds!
And then some people are a bit more malleable. Like it's easier to get to them. It's easier to manipulate them. It's easier to mold them to do other things. It's easier to get them to sway in a direction. But if you understand that, then you understand human behavior.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
You can't look to other people to support you for you to go do something. If you're saying, you need to give me this so I can do this, they're not the problem. Your thinking is the problem.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
college. And I was like, so I get a date and time to go take the test. I go to Brooklyn. I won't forget it. I'm super nervous because I'm like, wow, this is like a real job. You know, again, I came from very a labor background, my parents, you know. And so I show up to take this test. I'm really, really nervous to take this test. And I'm taking the test and they ask us a question.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
I had to write an essay, but I was so nervous. I had a hard time writing my essay. Time's up. I didn't do a good job. And I knew it. I'm like, I failed this thing. And sure enough, I failed it. Fast forward a couple of months, a couple of maybe weeks ahead. The woman who gave it to us, there was a woman who gave us the test, like the proctor. I go to a wedding and I see her.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Now she's a probationary officer. And I see her at a wedding and I'm like, oh my gosh, that's the woman that gave me the test. So I muster up my courage because I felt shame because I failed it.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
She failed me, but I failed myself because I didn't do a good job on that test. So I go up to her and I'm like, hi, I'm so and so. I took the test a couple of weeks ago. I didn't do very well. Hopefully I'll get a second chance. But I just wanted to come over and say hello, despite feeling that shame. And I turn, you know, she shakes my hand. She gives me one of those. I turn around, I walk away.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Now my mom, who's seated at a table across, my mom's like a very, I don't want to say naive, but like, she's just not, she doesn't look for negative things. I go back and my mom says to me, come here. Who was that? And I said, oh, that was a woman who proctored the exam. She was the recruiter, the one that didn't do well.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
She's like, the moment you turned your back, she was laughing at you with her table and saying stuff about you. Why?
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
And I remember, I remember I was like, cause I failed and I didn't do well on that test. And she's probably looking at like, who's this ditz? Who thinks she's going to go into this field? You know? So can that crush you? Sure. I'd be lying if I didn't say like, I felt shame, but then there's also this, also this other part of you that's just like onward, you know?
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
It's hard to say if it's just one thing. I think it's been a few things. One is I let things be. I don't try very hard to analyze or understand. I was listening to your story before about the million dollars, somebody owing it to you. And it's very easy to get in that rabbit hole and all these things come in. And I've learned to kind of, I don't want to say surrender, but just let things be.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
And so from that, I became a secret service agent. So there you go.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
So this is where the naiveness comes in. We project onto others what we think they are because of what's in our heart. I'm a giver, so everybody is. In my background in the U.S. Secret Service, I was a polygraph examiner and an interrogator. They sent me to do the lie detector test and I would help the U.S.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Secret Service and local police, and I'd also go overseas to interview people who did really, who committed crimes, right? The mistake we make is we think there's good and there's evil. Evil people do bad things. Good people do bad things. Good people take advantage. Good people will hurt you. And so the thing that I hear people and the mistake is that they're so nice.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Oh, he's such a nice guy or she's such a nice person. You know, I don't understand what happened. Don't do that.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Don't do that.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
You need to be aware. You need to have your brain on. You can't turn it off because you're like, oh, everyone's great because it's not. There's a naiveness to it, and that's on you. Like, it just isn't. It's just the truth. And so when you live in that reality and you look at people, even if they're nice, a nice person can hurt you. A nice person can take advantage of you.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Good people do these things. So I always tell people, look at the behavior. If that relationship becomes imbalanced, so if you become the giver, giver, giver,
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
they're taking taking taking you've helped create that imbalance you also play a role in that yes you also play a role in that and if you keep giving because you're thinking oh i'll eventually get back pause and stop people show you pay attention i always say look at the behavior of the person don't label people label the behavior labels are for clothing
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
label what they show you they will show you so if it becomes one way which you help to foster and that's okay correct it and then pull back you know and even today i'm always aware it's not that i don't you know i don't want to believe in people i do but it's kind of like president reagan used to say this trust but verify so
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
And instead of not getting stuck in the dwelling thing, I'm like, all right, there's a lesson for me to learn here. That's one thing, like not trying so hard, not chasing things so hard. I've learned that the harder you chase, it's like a frenzy and it doesn't work. And when you kind of step back and you're like, I'm just going to let it happen. I'm not saying don't do the work.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
It depends what you want. If it's that much of a taker, Goodbye.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Like you can't change people. And people will see people and we're like, oh, they have the potential. It's not, do they have the potential? What could it be? What it was? It's like, what do you have now? You must live in truth. What is the reality? Not what you wish it to be, not what you want it to be, not what it was, not what they could be.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
And then at the same time, allow people to be what they are. This is what I have. What do I want to do with it? But we try so hard. I'm going to this. I'm going to shift. I'm going to do that. And then that's going to yield me this. You're 50% of the equation, but they're the other 50. And they've got their own brain, their own intuition, their own intentions, their own whatever's going on.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
And then we're going to come in and what? And a little bit like how narcissistic of us is that to think like, oh, I can do this. Let people be what they want to be. Now, if they want to shift and change to have a better relationship with you because you want to make that investment, make it. But some people don't. Leave them. And then now you have a choice. Do I keep you in my life? Okay.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
If I don't keep you, goodbye. If I do keep you, how much do I keep you or how much do I interact with you so that I am also healthy?
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Right?
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Oh, yeah.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Well, I can't say government because it's a big word. I can say U.S. Secret Service because everyone's right.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
but like I'll give you an example if a special agent said to me Evie I'll call you tomorrow at 9 they called me tomorrow at 9 if a special agent was like I'll meet you there at 9 they were there at 850 when the civilian world it's like I forgot I went by Starbucks you know I overslept like you showed up like you you You showed up and also there was a lot less personal stuff.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Like you didn't bring your baggage with you everywhere you went.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
You burden other people. It's okay to go to people for guidance. once in a while, but it's also how much are you going, how much are you taking from people? So if I come in with all my problems to work, you're just like, I don't want to stand next to her. I'm going to get one right in the head because she's going to be thinking about, you got to be on the ball. So you got to perform.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Also, sick leave did not exist. You never called out sick, at least on the president's detail. You never called out sick. Sick leave was something you scheduled. So if you were sick, you showed up either sick to the White House and maybe they would send you home or you were in the hospital.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
You could not call out sick because if I called out sick, the whole system or structure that was created would collapse. Just one player not there. So you showed up. So in the civilian world, not everybody shows up. So you choose who you're gonna be. You could look at other people that are like, but they do that. I don't care about them. It's always like, what's your integrity?
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
With a master's in forensic psychology, she worked complex undercover missions. My girl, Evie Pompouros. Ask people questions, drop a question, and go quiet. Let them reveal themselves to you. If you want to know how to read people, and if you want to know to gauge who's trustworthy, who's not, who's reliable, let them show you. But if you're jabbering away, you're not going to see it.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
What's your character? You show people who you are. So when people know that you're the person who's gonna show up, it's actually competence. When they know you're gonna be there, you're reliable, you're consistent, you do what you're going to say you're going to do. That is huge. People today, Lewis, call me up and they tell me all sorts of stuff.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
I have people come to me and if I need something, people always deliver. And I always, I was thinking about this. I'm like, how come, why is that? Why is it that if I ask somebody to call me, my phone rings? Or if I call someone, they answer on the first ring. And I'm like, you know what? I'm like, because I brought that integrity and ethos with me. And they're like, I know she will come through.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
You have to do the work. And I think that's the other thing. You have to put in the work. And I don't, you know what else I don't do? I don't compare myself to other people.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
And I think that's kind of the difference from the civilian world. Not everybody's like that, but those are the differences I see.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
You have to be careful. Like, I'm always discernment. Discernment. Like, turn that brain on. and really think and listen to what people tell you. I don't even want to say turn that brain off. It's just like, listen, look, look at, look at, you know, Odysseus, the ancient Greek saying, look at your opponent. It will tell you everything you need to know. Don't listen. Look at them.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
When I say look like, look at what they show you. And everybody, here's the thing, everybody in pursuit of their self-interest, It's not always going to be in alignment with what you want. They want this, but it might not be to my best interest. So you have to look at what they're selling you, what they want from you, what they're asking of you, whether you want to give them that or not.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
You don't just always have to give. You want to have that discernment. Make good choices. You're going to make bad ones or make mistakes sometimes. It's okay. And at the same time, don't be afraid to make mistakes.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
mistakes but i navigate carefully because you're right as you and again i was listening backstage you know as you move up as you've done well it's like hey louis remember me from middle school you know and i'll get you know messages sometimes i got a message from a girl that bullied me like hey evie oh my god remember me we used to go to school together like on social media i'm like this person
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
She's remembering rainbows and unicorns and I'm like, do you remember what you did to me? Those things will happen. But going back to originally what you asked me, The key is this, we don't bend the world to us. We don't make people adapt to us. We become adaptable to the world. So when I shift, I shift with who I have in front of me.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
This is not manipulation and this is not me pretending to be something I'm not. I look at the human being I have. I look at the behavior and I adapt to them and to their world. I don't make people come to me. Really? No, because that's rigidity. And then I'm going to have problems. That's the mindset. Well, I'm just going to show up. I'm going to be me. And, you know, whoever likes it.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
The moment I start to do it, I stop. And this is, I've never said this. I'll say this here. I've never watched anybody else's podcast interview ever. Not that I don't like your show. It's a great show. I watch the clips. I watch the clips. So for example, so I've done podcast interviews, right? Your show.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Good luck with that.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Yeah. It's like. who do I have in front of me? Also, who is this person? What do they need from me? Sometimes you may have to work or do business with someone you don't like. You may not have a choice. That's okay, but then you adapt your behavior to fit that situation. That's what I mean by adapt.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
What's the environment I'm in and what version of myself do I need to bring to be successful in this environment? Some people you have to be careful. Some people you shouldn't share so much. Some people you can be open with. Some people you can go to to share
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
problem some people you cannot you adapt to the world and you will do you will do great it was it was the same thing that I learned when I did interviewing or when I dealt with the public I if I had somebody highly emotional okay I knew that I would have to like pull back on the Secret Service persona and bring more of Evie in the room
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
You know, or I would look at them like there was this young woman who you talked about, you know, sexual assaults against children. Sadly, I worked many of those cases. There are so many out there and it's just such a prolific problem and it's it's just not talked about.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
but I would work so many cases where I would have to talk to offenders and sometimes I would have to see who do I have in the room. One case I had a nanny And she had done something to an infant. And there was a fracture in the infant's arm. And they suspected the nanny. State police interviews her multiple times. They're like, nanny's going to give you nothing.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
And the state police actually called US Secret Service and said, look. We think she did it. Maybe the dad. Can you send an agent up? And so I would go out to help with these difficult cases. And in fact, they were like, we're not sure if it's the nanny. We're not sure if it's the dad. So I remember I was like, send me their statements because they gave written statements.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
And I read the statements. And after I read the nanny statement, I'm like. I want the nanny. It's not the dad. So I sit with the nanny. It's this young woman, single mom, overworked, two kids of her own. She's trying to show up to do babysitting, to make a living. She's sitting in my chair, and she's like this. And she's talking to me like this. And I mean, this girl looks broke.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
I mean, broke in so many ways. So I can't come in like, hi, I'm special agent so-and-so. Good to meet you. Have a seat. Hi, I'm Evie. How are you? Can I get you something? Do you want something to eat? Do you want something to drink? Please sit down. And she had a softer tone. I brought in my softer tone. That's what I mean by adaptability.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
It was still me, but it was the version of me she needed to get through that interview. I also needed to know what she did or didn't do. So she had been interviewed four times by state police. gave nothing, hour and a half, I had a confession. I didn't even have to polygraph her. So people will reveal more and adapt to you more if you're willing to adapt to them. Let go of your ego a bit.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
I won't sit and watch somebody else's because I don't want it to get into my head because then I start doing, oh, they did this or I should say this or that. And to be frank, I actually learned this in Secret Service training from shooting because when you would shoot, they'd like line you up. And the targets were really close to each other. I mean, safety, like within reason.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Stop flexing. We don't need to flex so much.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
It is both. It is both. Actually, it's probably less of you asking questions and more of you shutting up. Shut up. It's like my ethos. When you talk a lot, you do not allow other people to reveal themselves to you. I don't like to talk.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
I know I'm on stage and I know I'm doing the talking with Lewis, but in reality, I am that person who's just like, tell me about yourself because I don't want to talk about myself. Ask people questions, drop a question and go quiet. Let them reveal themselves to you.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
If you want to know how to read people and if you want to know to gauge who's trustworthy, who's not, who's reliable, let them show you. But if you're jabbering away, you're not going to see it. So there's so much power in gathering. I call it gather intelligence. Gather intelligence on the people around you.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Then you can make educated and well-informed decisions on who you should do business with, who you should date, who you should marry, who you should be around, and who you should have no contact with. But you can't make those decisions when you're doing all the talking. I really am a proponent of less, less, less, less. And, you know, honestly, people love to talk about themselves, don't they?
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Let them go. They're going to love you for it.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
They're going to be like, that Lady Evia, I love her.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
You know?
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Okay, I'll answer this question, but I'm curious. What kind of liar are you? Everybody lies. We're all liars. Let's own it.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
What does that mean?
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Do you see how much you learn when you don't talk?
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
But everybody could see everybody's target. And it was very easy for your eyes to go to the other person's target. And you start to kind of psych yourself out. Oh, his hole's perfect.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
So, you know, well, Martha is a great interviewer, by the way. She's great. I need to meet her.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
So what she does... and is what you should all learn to do, is she doesn't show judgment. If she wants to know the truth about something, you want to be nonjudgmental. Even if that person is telling you something you don't want to hear. Let's say you have a partner or spouse or someone you're with, and you're trying to figure out if they're cheating on you. I'll make it super simple.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
mind sucks and you might think like well what's the big deal it is a big deal because when there's 40 special agents watching everybody else they're like she sucks i'm not going to take her out with me or he's not this or they look like a mess so you start to care so i don't louis as i move up. I'm very careful. And when I look at other people's content, I look and I move on.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
And if they start to reveal stuff and you start yelling, guess what? Interview's over. So here's the question. What is your goal? If your goal is, I need to find out what this person has done so I can make a decision of whether I want to stay with them or not. I need information. So this is when you have to self-regulate and say, I'm not here to yell. I'm here to get intelligence, intel,
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
So I can make a good decision because when you don't have intelligence, you make bad decisions. When people feel that you're going to judge them, they're going to stop telling you stuff and they're going to filter information and then you're going to make bad decisions in life. because you don't know the truth. And the choices you make are made off of bad information. That's the key.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Then when you get everything you need to get, then you can go. So there's a difference. Do you want to be right and ream the person or do you want to get the information so that you can truly know what to do? So you can play chess. There's checkers and then there's chess. People that yell and scream and, you know, and I'm not saying that sometimes it's very emotional and we lose it.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Self-regulate, like own it. I'll tell you the story. I had a boyfriend. Actually, boyfriend, we were together. He leaves me. He starts dating somebody else. Broke my heart, broke my heart.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
I'm in my 20s. I'm in my late 20s. Secret service agent. I know.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
He was as well. So he leaves me, breaks up with me, and then I surmise he's seeing someone else, and then he is. Goes to that person, sees that person. Then all of a sudden, he reappears once later. Evie, Evie, Evie. Now, he broke my heart. So of course, when they do the leaving and you're the one left, you're like, oh.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Right? He's back. something wasn't right right and i'm a polygraph examiner at this point so and i surmised i'm like i think he's still talking to her but he's trying to talk to me so sneaky dog sneaky dog so as painful as it was sneaky i started asking questions you know what happened you must miss her you talked to her what was that like and he starts revealing information to me now
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
My heart's broken as I'm hearing this. Don't get me wrong. But he starts revealing, yes, I'm talking to her and I'm talking to you and I don't know what to do. I'm so confused. I'm like, must be confusing, you know? I mean, tell me more. So I'm sitting, listening through this.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
I'm from New York. I was doing every, like, FFF, like, I'm trying to make this PG-rated, this interview, but inside me, I'm like... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm New York.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
I'm going to key your car. That's what I was thinking. You're like, I'm going to key this guy's car. That's what we do in New York. It's like... I was playing it all out in my head. I'm listening to this because I need to know what's going on so I can make a decision. Because I don't want to get hurt again. First time, okay. Second time, it's on me. So he reveals everything.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
He's like, you know, so in the end, it's like, I just don't know what to do. I don't know who to be with. This is where I got him. I got it all. I was just like, so it ends. I have everything I need now. So I still couldn't help myself. I'm not saying you should do this, but I was like, you know what? Let me make it easy for you. I'm no longer a choice. I suggest you go to her.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Now, I'd be lying if I didn't tell you it broke my heart. But at least I had enough information so I can make a good decision for myself. Because I didn't show judgment. Because he could have started telling me this stuff, and I could have shredded him. I'm Greek. I'm from New York. Forget it.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
And that's a really big thing. And I don't try to do what other people do. And sometimes I have people hit me up and they'll say, you know, Evie, you know, how can I be a better speaker? And you were talking about that before, or how can I be a better interviewer on my podcast? And I want to sound like this person. And I, and I, And I'm like, stop watching what other people do.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Because you are going to be okay. In the end, isn't it always okay? It always levels out, right? It's always okay in the end. It always is. No matter what you go through, it's like this. But it's your choice if you want it to go like this or like this. There's something I adopted and I really have to say that being in the U.S. Secret Service helped me adopt it.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Unawaringly, it's a neutrality mindset where you don't have high highs and you don't have low lows. And you kind of live always in the middle. So even when devastating things happen to you, You don't drop, but at the same time, I don't celebrate high highs. I'm not like, oh my God, my book is going to be this or my book's going to be that.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
You launch a book, you want it to be great, but you can't tie your happiness to how successful, let's say, the book is or isn't. I hope it does great, but if it doesn't do great, I'm OK. Because if you're like that extreme where you celebrate the high highs, then when you crash, you're going to crash. But if you're somewhere in the middle and you have this, it's called, it's a neutrality mindset.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Actually, Dr. Gabrielle Lyon is the one who kind of like, I think you've had her on your show as well. So she's my doctor and she actually treats a lot of Navy SEALs, Secret Service agents, stuff like that. And she's like, you're all the same. She's like, none of you get super excited, but none of you get devastated when something happens, because you start to learn to live in this middle space.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Because what you don't do is you don't allow external factors to dictate, I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm steady. Now I might do this here and there, but I'm not doing this, and I'm not doing this. The external environment cannot dictate, and truly other people cannot dictate, where you're going to be because people can come and people can go.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
And although something may start positive, it may turn out a different way and it's okay.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Yes, it's like you need information to make good decisions. But if you're getting bad information, you're going to make bad decisions. It was the same thing in the interview room. I interviewed people who committed terrorism or were terrorist sympathizers. So I was ground zero on September 11. The US Secret Service field office for New York was there. And I endured that whole day.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
If you want to mess with your head, look at what everybody else is doing and then compare it to you. And then now, instead of you being just like genuine and authentic, you're trying to do what other people do. And that doesn't work. And I really feel like that's the biggest thing. Even when I go on the news, I cover news here at 30 Rock. For NBC, I cover law enforcement and crime.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
I lived through it. And I'm fortunate to be here. But I lost colleagues and I lost friends. I did not, when I would sit in an interview and I was trying to get information on where the next attack would come from, I didn't walk into that room and be like, you know what you did? Do you know what your belief system did? You almost killed me and you almost caused this.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
First of all, who would I be making that whole interview about? Me. Why was I there? I was there to get information to find out where the next attack was coming from so more people didn't die. That was my goal. And so I would self-regulate. And in all the interviews I did with terrorists or people in that sphere, I never once ever, ever brought up 9-11 or my experience.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
No, because I would make it about myself. What is your mission? What is your goal? I need information. And what I needed was information on when the next attack was coming. Because sometimes they'd come in and they'd say, oh, there's an attack coming. It's coming from here. And what their goal was is to get us to shift all our resources here so the attack could come from here.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
But that, I would make it about me. So it's like, what is your goal? Have your goal. What am I trying to achieve? It's not that you're not going to feel things, but when you know your goal, then you're able to steady yourself. So every time I walked in, what is my goal? My goal is to get to X. How do I get to X? I'm not saying I'm not going to be upset, but you must regulate your emotions.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
If it's like, well, this person did this to me. It's not my fault. No, no, no, no, no. you decide what behavior you're going to show you decide what you reveal to others other people cannot be in charge of of what your behavior is think about how powerless that makes you and it just makes you just like like anybody can do anything to you now if you want to lose it
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
If you ever want to like burn a bridge, burn it. Burn it to the ground. Just make sure you are choosing rationally to burn the bridge.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
You could just be like, I'm going to burn this thing down and I'm okay with it. Torch it. But make sure you're doing it because you intelligently chose to do it. Not because you lost control. Yeah. Somebody got the better of you, and you said and did things that you wish you hadn't done, and now you're pissed at yourself. It's gonna happen to you, but at least learn from that.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
But don't, what sometimes we do is like, that person did this, so I reacted to that. So then you're just a reactive person.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
First of all, be genuine. Just be a genuine human being. You don't have to agree with people, but you can be genuine. You can show people interest. You can be curious. You can be that. Be a genuine person. I wouldn't even say be authentic, because my authentic self likes to wear leggings and no makeup. And I don't want to bring her to a place like this, right?
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
I'll listen to the other news anchors, but I'm always very careful when I listen to the other commentators to really just be like, just do your thing, just do your thing.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
So be a genuine person, but you can be genuine and adapt. So if I have somebody who's angry, I'm going to adapt to like, all right, I have somebody who's angry and they're yelling or they're screaming or they're venting. So I understand that I can't yell and scream and vent if I want to make progress in this situation. It depends also what you want. Do I want to make progress?
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
So I adapt to that behavior. I understand, and I just noticed through the training I've had, that when somebody's in that heated zone, you go quiet. Most people don't. Most people think, oh, you yelled at me, you this, or I'm going to come back at you. And then you just, you just go at it all day long. If you're trying to make progress, you're like, all right, let them vent.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
And then when they're done venting, it's like, and you've had it where you're like, I'm done. Right. But when people try to tell you, calm down, relax, you get more pissed off because you just want to get it out. So let them get it out. So that's what I mean by adapt. I see the behavior I have. I understand. Let them get it out. And then when they're done, now I can talk.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Because now they're also ready to listen to me. Because sometimes we try to talk or interrupt them. There's a coffee chain, a big coffee chain. I won't say which one. But one of the managers came to me, and he said, we need your help. He's like, I want to ask you for advice. He's like, we get customers who come in and they lose their minds when we give them the wrong drink, like dangerously so.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
And he said, I have an example to give you. He said, one day somebody came in and he was given the wrong drink, the wrong coffee concoction. And he leaves, comes back, and he is livid. And he starts yelling at the
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
the barista behind the bar and he's escalating and escalating and escalating to the point where he's like i actually thought he was going to hit her wow and he said i'm ashamed to say i didn't know what to do i was the person in charge and i didn't know what to do and no matter what we did it escalated so i said okay let me ask you something when he came in what did you guys do?
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Did you guys, you know, walk me through what happened? And when he comes in and he's yelling and we're telling him, you know, calm down, we'll fix it for you. Sir, there's no need. And he's like, we fixed it for him. We gave him the right drink. We even gave him like a credit. It didn't matter. He just kept escalating and escalating. And he's like, what did we do wrong? And I was like,
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
the thing it's not that what you did wrong but the thing that happened there is he was pissed and he just wanted to be heard and you kept interrupting him he didn't even want it wasn't even the the drink because you gave him the correct beverage he didn't even want that at that point you just needed to let him vent but what you did is by interrupting him and by even by fixing it and trying to get him to stop he just went up up up up up up up and it got worse
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
That's what I mean by adaptability. What do I have in front of me and I have to adapt to that situation? Now, the normal New Yorker in me would be like, let's throw down, right? But where would that get me? Nowhere. Know who you have in front of me. Know what state of mind they're in. It's also what motivational mindset are people in. What's going on in their head, not your head.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
But you also have to have enough motivation. Be enough of a centered person. Not let your ego get in the way if you really want to be good at dealing with people. Your ego will sabotage you because it's like, how dare you talk to me like that? How dare you this? How dare you that? And that's not a great place to be because now you're really not going to make progress.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
And it's like, do you want to... Do you want your ego to be satiated or do you want to know what's going on around you so that you can make intelligent decisions and handle people well? I prefer the latter.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
I want to answer it thoughtfully. I guess it shifts in that moment. Overall, like, I'm just grateful for my life. However that life turned out, I'm grateful for it. You know, in my culture, I'm Greek, I'm Eastern Orthodox, and we grew up, like, if you want something, you go to church, you light a candle. Like, we have, like, you actually light the candle. It's very old school.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
And then I was raised, like, you ask, you know, and whatever you believe in. But in my culture, it's like you ask God to, like, you know, or whoever you pray to, like, to give you what you want. And Every time I find myself doing that, if I want something and I go to put that candle in the sand, we put it in the sand, I stop and I'm like, I just want to say thank you for everything you gave me.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
I don't need anything. I, I think I'm thankful for, and when I say my life, I guess I've had like two key moments where really like, I, I thought my life would end. Like the job I had was very life and death. And so those moments always existed, but I had two like real moments where I'm like, this is it. I'm going to die. One was September 11th. Um,
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
And in that moment, I remember when everything was happening and I really thought I was like, I'm going to die. It was when the first tower was coming down. I'm like, I'm not going to live through this. And I remember thinking, man, I'm like, not yet. There's so many things I didn't do. I started thinking about the things I didn't do. And I'm like, you know,
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
If I live through this, I'm going to live my life. I'm going to live. I'm going to do these things so that I'm OK to go the next time comes. And then the next time I really was going to die was when I gave birth to my daughter. Uh, something happened during the delivery and just my body just started to shut down. And I, I started, you know, my, um, my lungs started filling up with water.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Uh, my, I couldn't breathe. So my oxygen started going down. My kidneys started shutting down. So my body started shutting down and I could feel the fade. I guess it felt like a fade. And I remember, you know, I'm like, I'm dying again.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
And in that moment, I was like, but I'm okay to go this time. I did everything I wanted to do, or at least I tried. Now, of course, my husband's sitting there mortified because I'm about, you know, he's about to lose me. And I tell him the story later. I'm like, I was okay to go. He's like, are you out of your mind?
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
He's like, you were going to leave me with the, you know, and I, you know, but it was the truth. So You could see those were horribly traumatic events. And it depends which way you want to look at them. And I look at them as two of the greatest blessings I've ever had. And so I am grateful for those moments because they taught me what my life means or what life means.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
And they showed me that, you know, even to this day, I'm okay to go. Are you okay to go? If you're not, it's okay. You just have work to do. But get yourself to that point. I'm grateful for that.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
The mistake we make is we think there's good and there's evil. Evil people do bad things. Good people do bad things. Good people take advantage. Good people will hurt you.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
So I'm going to be honest. I've never had a mentor. I've never had one. I actually didn't even know what the word meant for a long, long time until it became popular. So I never had someone who I was like, oh, I want to be like that. I didn't have that. So maybe I didn't know what I was missing.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Louis, they're not coaches. They're like drilling you to the ground. They're trying to make you fail. Louis thinks it's like, hey, you go. They're more like, you're a loser. You're this. You suck. Quit now.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Quit. You're going to get somebody killed.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
They were the opposite. The first time I did, when I joined the NYPD, which was before they built the new academy, which is really nice. I went to the rinky dinky one. It was attached to the one three precinct down in the twenties for my New Yorkers. If you know where that is. And this thing's like the stairwells are caving in. It's like a dump.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
There was like, it was wild, but there was a gym and the gym had this green line and it was like the green lane of death. And they would have you run this line 25 times. 25 times was a mile and a half. And like that was one of the test markers they would do. And you would run this line and they have you run in ranks and you had to put your arm out so it was like shoulder to shoulder.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
I couldn't fall back and then the person behind me couldn't fall back because it was just like this whole ranking system. If you fell back a little, they would pull you out, they would yank you out. And then it's not like they feel bad for you. They put you in the middle. And then they'd have you run suicides back and forth across this huge gym.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
I mean, people would, I would see grown men go, like puke, go over to the trash can, puke, and then they'd be like, get back in there. So the first time, like, I wasn't a great runner. I never really had to run before I went to the academy. So my first run, I fall out. I'm what they call a fallout. And they yank me out. I will never get the instructor. She was like, and who's a woman?
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Okay, I'll answer this question.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
You think women, women. She was like, come on, drama queen, get out. You know, I was thinking, where is this coming from? And I'm doing my runs, my suicide runs. I'm heaving. And then they have me and the other fallouts stand in the middle. The run's done. They make everybody in the gym do an about face to look at the center. And you're looking at about maybe 500 people.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
And they get in there and they're like, do you see these people here in the middle? They're going to get you killed. So when you all go in the locker room downstairs to change, you tell them they need to quit. You all should not be here. Get out. So those were my coaches, Lewis.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
When I started in the NYPD and I joined, I was very naive. I was like, NYPD Academy. It'll be like college. I'm like, it'll be fine. I just survived college, and I was very wrong. They're paramilitary structures. So I was very a novice. I knew nobody in the military. I knew nobody in law enforcement.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
When I went that first week and everyone's yelling at you, they're talking to you like you're garbage. That's just the way it was. I remember that first week being, what did I do? And then my family, too, was not supportive at all. They thought I was bonkers. All my friends thought I was nuts. So I was really, really very alone. in that moment.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
And I had one friend who had done wrestling, sports, when he was in high school. And he's like, and I remember being upset. He's like, and I was like, I'm going to quit. And he said to me, don't quit. It's a game. It's a game. And I'm like, what do you mean it's a game? I didn't understand. He's like, that's what they do. They wear you out. And they want people to quit.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
They want the weak to quit so the strong stay. And he's like, don't let them win. And I stuck it out. And every day got a little bit easier and a little bit easier and a little bit easier. But yeah, you go in there, you feel like a loser. You do. You feel like you're weak. You're in front-leaning rest for nothing. I remember somebody's phone went off in my company.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
It was called a company, like in the back. Instructor hears it, and he's like, everybody get down, and they put us in front-leaning rest for something like 30 minutes. What is that, a plank or something? It's a plank, but a really horrible one.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
So it was, I had to really endure that. And then, you know, when you go to the U.S. Secret Service Academy, again, like everyone's looking at you going, and that's even more curated. NYPD, 1,500 people in my class, NYPD cadets. First month, 300 quit. They were happy to see you go. They're like, bye-bye. Bye bye, don't come back. They didn't care.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
And then NYPD, now I went to a class of 50, excuse me, Secret Service 54.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
and now like you're really seeing and there they they did they invested in you because it was a much more lengthy process and they did want to see you succeed but at the same time they're like hey man if you can't cut it there's the door and so you really have to endure and not and sometimes people may not want you there and then that's another obstacle but every day
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
Everybody's seeing what you do. And even grades, like they would post scores up so people could see it. So there was no, yeah, it's no, no. So you're, it's also the shame that you don't want of not performing. So it's not just for yourself. It's like everybody's seeing you not do what you need to do.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
So there's kind of two lanes. One lane is it's people that love you and care about you but don't support you. And then the other lane is people that maybe envy you or jealous of you, do want your harm. This lane here, they need to not be in your life. And the moment you realize that, you don't have to tell them, but you should start to fade out.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
You know who those folks are and you don't need to be like, hey, you know what? Save it. Save it, because you need that energy so that you can go do what you need to do. Right? The point is to fade out. And then before you know it, you're not there anymore. And they're like, where'd she go? I've been gone months.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
The other lane is that people that you really want to support you and you want them to do that for you, but they forgive them. My parents were immigrants. My mother grew up in a village, like, literally a village, dirt poor. I mean, the bathroom was in the forest. And when I was a kid and I would go visit, like, it was a hole in the ground and a shack next to the chicken coop. Right?
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
And so my mother grew up dirt poor. My father grew up very poor, dirt poor. They were from Greece. So they couldn't... So they couldn't understand what I was doing. They didn't understand it. My brother, he's like, you can go be a cop. He didn't like cops. I didn't even like them. But life takes you in a weird path. So I just learned, forgive them.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
you know i'm going to be transparent with you like you can't look to other people to support you for you to go do something it's nice if you can get it but like if you're saying you need to give me this so i can do this they're not the problem your thinking is the problem can you explain more of that It is, I'm not going to do this because I don't have support. My mom's not behind me.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
My dad's not behind me. This person is supporting me. My friends are making fun of me. So what I just did is I made these external factors, the deciding factors of whether I do something or not. And then, you know, and we've all been there where we listen to other people, myself included, and then we are pissed. Why did I listen to this person? And then we're mad at them. Uh-uh.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
we have to be mad at ourselves and be like, I chose to listen. And so I had to learn over time, don't listen. And you also know intuitively, if it feels like you need to go this way, then just go. And if you're wrong, you're wrong. Like if you fail, you fail.
The School of Greatness
Former Secret Service Agent Reveals How To Read ANYONE To Know Who You Can Really Trust
I'll share the story with you because as you were talking, I was thinking about when you were sharing all the ways in which you failed or you didn't feel right. Before I went to the NYPD, I actually took a test to be a probationary, not a police officer, to work as a probation officer. And I started leaning into law enforcement. I really wanted the job. It was going to be my first real job out of