Emmy Moore
Appearances
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
Hello, hello everyone and welcome back to Saved Not Soft. What's going on everybody? I'm excited for today because God is good and he is all the time. That's my jingle for today. And we're going to keep it as that. We're going to close it. Hope you guys are doing great. Hope you guys are doing amazing.
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
So when Jesus talks in parables and he talks in instructions, he usually speaks from a perspective so the people he is teaching to could easily understand. And so the people during this time understood that what it meant to be yoked meant to have two strong oxen beside one another with a wooden frame that kept them one another to work with one another so they could equally pull weight.
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
So the problem with being unequally yoked is that in the ancient agricultural practice is that if one oxen was weaker than the other, it would be impossible to finish the job because it's not a one oxen job. It's a two oxen job, but both of them need to be on the same page, not just physically, but also mentally and through temperament. I believe that is like the word. And so-
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
The frame binds them together. So just as how two oxen are binded together by this golden frame, so are we in relationships by being yoked. We are binded not just by casual conversations or just living on a day-to-day basis, but on a deep, intimate level together.
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Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
And so it's important to know that if these oxen were unequal in size or strength or temperament, the yoke would be imbalanced and the task would become super difficult or quite literally impossible. And so the reason as to why I bring this up is because 2 Corinthians 6, 14 through 15 shows us what it means to be yoked to somebody and what it means not to be yoked to somebody.
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
And I believe, you know, there's aspects you kind of understand when you first come to Christ that you're going to lose some people along the way, whether if it's, you know, whether if it's you just fall out of a line with one another and you're no longer living the same lifestyle. But then even after I became Christian, I still lost friends along the way.
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It says, do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ or by Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? So it shows us this contrast between there's a side to where the believer is carrying a lot of weight.
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They understand the spiritual things. They are mature in the spirit. And what it means to, they wouldn't have the capability to finish the task they're called to fulfill if they were yoked to somebody who was weaker in the spirit. And it doesn't necessarily mean that this person is better. It just means that this person is stronger in areas where this person is really weak.
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
And so I think there's areas where in some friendships there could be some commonalities where you guys, you know, have a lot of strength. You have the same temperament and et cetera. But you guys may have different problems. So just as much as let's say this friend has a lust problem, this person can have like an addiction problem. but you guys both sharpen each other in one of those areas.
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Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
Like that's different. I think the example I'm giving is say someone is completely spirit filled and they're pursuing the things of God and they're not really being tied back by the world. And then this person over here is caught up in like drinking, smoking, partying, whether if it's false doctrine, self-righteousness, whatever it may be.
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Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
And it's holding them back from fulfilling their assignment. And it's not creating this harmonious relationship because there is an imbalance, right?
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
And so I bring this up because we have to know what it means to be yoked with people and being yoked in developing those deep relationships is based not off of, like I said, casual conversation, but deep, intimate conversations, common beliefs and common thoughts. I think people may have the question of, can I still be friends with people who are unaligned with my faith?
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
And my answer to that is you cannot be yoked with them. But if God has assigned you to that person, then there must be a healthy distance and a boundary.
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Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
Because there have been some cases in my life specifically to where I had friends, whether if they were in the world with me or if I just met them, and God wasn't calling me to partake in their practices, but God was also calling me to stay somewhat close so I can minister to them. And that is an instruction from the Lord.
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Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
If your friend is all sorts of not doing what they're supposed to do and you know it, you got to get up and leave with their bad influence. There are some people, though, to where they don't have anybody else in their life to show the light of Christ. And God may actually be using you as a vessel to minister to them.
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
The only difference that needs to happen is you could have a friendship, but it needs to be a friendship at a distance and not to be yoked. What people don't understand about being yoked is that being yoked is not a casual interaction. Being yoked is a deep ongoing relationship that requires shared goals and values. And so what this looks like practically is,
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
is if you were to have a friend who doesn't share the same goals and values as you, then it is your responsibility to not invest into them super spiritually and emotionally and physically because you're unequally yoked. What it means to become yoked with someone is investing into them on a deep spiritual level. And if the other person doesn't understand deep spiritual...
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
And I wanted to talk about friendships today because that is something that the Lord has been putting me through the ringer when it comes to friendships and building relationships with other people.
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
values or goals, then that's not someone you should be yoked with because there is no commonality.
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Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
But if God has called you to that person and minister to them or to assist them or to show the love of God, you could do that at a distance and being friendly and being kind and being gracious, but not partaking in their, whether if it's their wickedness or their disobedience or the things that they're doing in the world that has the potential to throw you into corruption as well. That's
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Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
And so we could still be assigned to people without being yoked. And an example I have on the top of my head is even the prophet Samuel. The prophet Samuel was looking over Saul and Saul was absolutely far from God. Like the Holy Spirit got up and left Saul. But Samuel was still assigned to Saul to give him the word of the Lord.
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And it was in the only reason as to why Samuel continued his relationship with Saul was because God instructed Samuel to look over Saul. There became a time where Samuel had to step back because Saul gave into sin and iniquity so much and Samuel grieved.
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But the times that Samuel was looking over Saul, it was because God had called him to look over Saul, even though they were not equally yoked in friendship or let alone on a spiritual basis.
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Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
Saul used to be a man of God, but because he fell far from God, Samuel had a different role of not being equally yoked and deeply yoked with Saul, but instead he created a healthy balance to where he was able to minister and pour into Saul. Does this make sense? So it's creating healthy boundaries and it's addressing that there's a huge difference between loving people and associating with people.
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You can love people from a distance and you get to decide how far you want to go. But association and associating with what they may be doing and things that are not Christ-like that you've been convicted of and God has told you not to be around and et cetera, you can love people without being associated with them each and every single day and cultivating that very deep relationship.
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Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
And so I wanted to cater a podcast specifically to keeping an eye on your circle and watching who your circle is, whether if it's for the greater good or if it's actually throwing you into spiritual corruption. And so I'm gonna share a little bit of personal experiences, but more importantly, what the word of God says.
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Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
it's just understanding that there's two different paths. And if God has assigned you to that person to help them up and guide them, that you really have to be tender to the voice of the Lord and his instruction to carry that out well. Some people though, God's just calling you to drop and you just got to let it go.
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Because if God does not call you to that person and if that person is flat out like they don't want to hear Jesus, you got to dust the hands. You got to dust the dust off of your hands and just leave them. Right. And it's mostly imitating the heart of Jesus and not leading and not allowing an open door that can lead to spiritual conflict or compromise. Right.
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And so where we see Jesus ministering to those and assisting those who he wasn't, well, it's Jesus, but there was a different relationship that Jesus had with the disciples, his friends, than the relationships he had with the sinners and the tax collectors. There was a different relationship there.
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There was a deeper investment that Jesus had with his disciples and with his friends because there was that relational equity. But then we see how Jesus communicated with the sinners and the tax collectors. He's still gracious and kind and was ministering them. He was always leading them back to God though with kindness and he was never partaking in their wickedness.
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He always caught the tax, the sinners, the tax collectors and the prostitutes in a time where they were just able to sit down and eat and Not when they was doing a whole bunch of things they weren't supposed to do in the first place. His love didn't depend from other people's righteousness. It just came from his divine nature and his mission to save people.
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Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
And Jesus always led others towards God through teaching repentance. That's the biggest thing. And our love for others should be an invitation for them to experience God.
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If you're called to assist them and navigate them into a flourishing life with God, if God has given you that responsibility to lead your friends and to be the black sheep, I guess, of the group and stand out and make a point and advocate for righteousness, like God does call us to be that person for our friends.
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Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
It's just knowing the difference between yoking to those friendships, but then also creating a healthy balance to where you're not falling into those same tendencies, but you're still somewhat associated or you're somewhat in relation with them to where you're able to speak into them. And there's some sort of equity to where you could pour into them and give them new hope in life. Amen.
Saved Not Soft
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And so when we talk about friends we have to drop, it's the opposite of the friends we have to keep. So the friends you should keep are friends who obviously lead you to Christ and friends that you're equally yoked with. But then friends that you should probably drop are friends who lead you away from Christ and friends you're not equally yoked with.
Saved Not Soft
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And I think we could be revealed with a whole bunch of different behaviors that the Bible points out to stray away from. And even when you are Christian and you have other Christian friends, you still can be unequally yoked. Just because that person is a Christian does not mean that you're yoked with them. I can't tell you how many times where I had Christian friends say,
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So first, if you do not know me, my name is Emmy Moore and I'm the host of Save Not Soft. And Save Not Soft is a podcast to let you know that you are heard, loved, and seen by God. And also to inform those who are listening that, It is not an easy journey. This whole Christianity thing, it is difficult and it's hard. And that's why the Bible says that the path is narrow.
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And we were not on the same page. And God told me to step back and to not be deeply invested. I've actually lost a few relationships because I could no longer trust them with that deep intimacy because they were doing things that were not on the same level. And we were unequally yoked in areas or beliefs or the way that we lived our lives, et cetera. It could be a multitude of things.
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And God had called me higher. And that person did not want to move with me just like an oxen and move forward, but instead stay back and stay where they were at. And that's essentially what unequally yoked was, was that God was calling both of these oxen to move forward, but one of them didn't want to. And that's who you got to let go of is God.
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Someone who's unwilling, someone who's unwilling to do the things of God. If God has caused you to grace them, then show them grace. But it comes to a point to where if God is flat out like, hey, you need to leave, you got to listen to the voice of God. But how do you know that? What are behaviors to avoid?
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I think one of them is when the other person practices things far away from your lifestyle in Jesus. 1 Corinthians 15, 33 says, "'Do not be misled. "'Bad company corrupts good character.'" So if you have friends who are still in the world and they're still loving the world and lovers of the world, and that's just not your lifestyle and you found a new one in Jesus Christ.
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The Bible shows us not to be associated with our good character with their bad company. Again, there's times where God may use you to minister to them and he's going to give you an opportunity to do so, but it's not associating yourself with their bad company.
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And then I think another attribute to where you know you need to step away from the relationship or from the friendship is when the other person openly is rejected of Jesus Christ. Matthew 10, 14 says, if anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that at home or town and shake the dust off of your feet.
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So what I mean when people openly reject Jesus, I'm not even just talking about people who would be atheists or agnostic and just completely hesitant toward the things of God, but even people and even friends that you may have who are rejective to God's word and People who are not able to receive correction or rebuke, like people who refuse for you to let them sharpen them.
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I think that's a huge indicator. I think that was like, that there, that was a lot of areas where personally with my friendships where I felt the Lord was calling me out of a lot of them because I, I was the one to always sharpen other people, but no one was sharpening me. And I was like, what the heck is going on?
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And I think there was, there was a spiritual imbalance because maybe I could have been more sound in doctrine or maybe I could spend more time in my secret place, whatever it may be. And that the other person like didn't call me out in areas where I wanted correction. And I wanted that, that I wanted, I wanted to receive and know where, you know, I'm wrong and get sharpened in those areas.
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But it was almost as if The other person wasn't equipped to like sharpen me and call me out. But then there's been times where I've had relationships to where I was in a position of authority because of our relationship to call that person out by the spirit of God leading by his conviction. And the person didn't receive it because they're so offended.
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So how do we walk that path? And how do we not compromise for the things of the world? So this podcast is catering to that specifically. Amen. But anyways, let's get into this message and let's pray. Yes. So let's bow our heads, close our eyes. Dear Heavenly Father, we just thank you and praise you, God.
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And therefore, because of their offense, they can't receive the things of God because they're too offended. They're too traumatized and they're thinking about themselves way too much.
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And so I think that was like one of the things I like struggled with when it came to friendships and kind of the cause as to why I had to let some of my friends go, especially as I started to evolve in ministry was because there were just some people who didn't want to be sharpened or didn't have the tools to sharpen me when I was sharpening them.
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And that what that's what it means to be equally oats, because if I'm just sharpening one side, I'm going to get doled out because I'm doing way too much work. But then there's like another side where it's like I'm needing to get sharpened and I'm needing to I'm needing to grow and I need someone to also hold me to that same standard.
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And it's just basically seeing in the spirit that way of the friends that you have, you should sharpen one another and it shouldn't be out of harshness. It shouldn't be rude. It shouldn't be kind. It should be gentle. It should be kind. clothed in truth. And if it needs to be said sternly, it can, but let it be from an intentional heart and not anything that's like self-righteous.
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And so that was one attribute. Another attribute is those who operate in anger or lack of self-control. Proverbs 24 or 22, 24 through 25 says, do not make friends with a hot tempered person. Do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.
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So I think what people fail to realize about relationships and friendships is that we hear this all the time is like, you are who you hang out with. So whoever you hang out with and whoever you're spending time with, whether if it's good or bad, there is a part of you that has the ability and has the temptation of being
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accumulating and developing the same attributes that they have because of the deep connections that you have, right? And so, Sorry, I had to itch my nose real quick.
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So one of the things that I could think of on the top of my head is if you're a person on fire for God and one of the people, which is your friends, is easily tempered and angry and acts in emotion all the time and doesn't know how to control their emotions and it's throwing you into a lot of despair, you get up and go, baby girl.
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There's a time, I think it's going to get to a point to where you can only take it for so long. And it's like, how long are you going to take it? I think the biggest indicator of who you're needing to drop in relationships is ultimately people who are not willing to change and grow with you. Sometimes you just outgrow people and that's okay.
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These past few episodes have been so impactful, not only just preaching them, but also just in my secret space, knowing that the Lord has been pleased through this ministry and just knowing that's really impacting people's hearts and drawing them closer to Jesus. So I'm very blessed of what the Lord's doing through this ministry and through this podcast.
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God, I thank you for the opportunity for us to come before you, God, and ask you for wisdom and consultation, God. We just ask that you guide us, God, according to your word. God, I ask that you help us and you assist us in the way of the Spirit and just in the correct way. walk, God, with you, Father. I just ask that you speak to us.
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I wish actually our culture and our day and age normalized people just outgrowing one another without it being bad blood. There's been so many times where out of high school, going into my adult years, I just grew out of people. And it was just because we were going through different seasons.
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And it wasn't because I necessarily had animosity or anger towards that person, or let alone that they necessarily did anything bad. We were just on two different sets of life and they were no longer equal with one another. They were completely imbalanced. And I think sometimes we need to normalize it. It's okay to just drift apart because you go down two different roads of life. Like,
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I think one thing that now sets me apart from my age is like, there's an unrelatability that I now experience with friends because I'm about to get married and none of my friends are married. So it's, it's also one of those things of like, it doesn't mean stop being, you know,
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It doesn't mean to stop being friends with people who aren't on the same season as you, but it's being intentional of how your friends respond during the seasons that you're going through. Are they still sharpening you? Are they still encouraging you? Are they still pushing you through the things of God?
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Or are they trying to hold you back to where they find you comfortable and where they want you? Because sometimes you will be growing in the things of God and other people will try to drag you down where they're at just so they don't feel alone. And that's when you need to run, baby girl.
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If you're not equally yoked with somebody and the person who's over here is trying to drag you down just so they could be empathized with, you got to get up and go and find another oxen, babe. Because you're not going to be equally sharpened by that person because that person is just wanting to be sharpened for their sake and not for the sake of you.
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And you could discern that by observing their fruits. And by all means, it's not to have perfect friends. I don't believe anyone is perfect, not even perfect. the greatest Christian ever. Like no matter how much you go to church, no matter how much you read your Bible, no one's ever going to be truly perfect. And there's never going to be a perfect relationship.
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It's just a matter of, are you willing to grow? Are you willing to be sharpened? Are you willing to do the things of God? And are you willing to grow together? Because the moment that somebody stops and they stay stuck there, someone has to make a decision.
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Either God's going to call you to encourage that person to get behind, back up and pursue the things of God, or God is going to lead you to go. And I believe how you know you got to let go of relationships is definitely tested by scripture. Tested by scripture, pray to the Lord and go to your secret space. Just being super transparent of how the Lord speaks to me.
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The Lord has divinely blessed me with the gift of dreams and the interpretation of dreams, not just like dreaming. And I'm like, Oh, what the heck was that? But also God has divinely blessed me with their interpretation of my own dreams, the dreams of other people to where I could see it more spiritually than naturally and
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So for an example, like in a natural sense, I could have a dream that's like a roller coaster and you're like, oh, I don't know why I'm on a roller coaster. Does that mean I don't go to Six Flags or Disneyland?
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But God gave me the wisdom and the interpretation to know that a roller coaster can mean you going through different seasons of life and God's just trying to show you that you're moving a lot and there's a transition coming. So it's like God has divinely blessed me with the interpretation of dreams and of dreaming. And a lot of the friendships that I needed to let go of,
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You minister to our hearts and spirits, God, that you make us receptive to learn, God. And God, you even reveal certain areas where we may need to let go of people and maybe embrace other people, God. I just decree and declare that today is a day full of clarity. in a day where your children will walk away from this episode feeling certain of what your word teaches and what your word says.
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The majority of them, God told me in a dream. And sometimes he will full on just pop up and be like, you need to drop this person because this is what they're doing behind closed doors and you don't even know. Oh, like God is the absolute biggest snitch. And I love that he is because God is an honest God and he's a just God and God is going to vindicate you.
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So if you're asking for areas where you may be struggling or hurting and like, man, like God, I really need help and assistance in these areas, what's dragging me down?
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And God gives you a dream of your friend or God gives you confirmation that your quote unquote friend is doing like witchcraft behind your back or talking smack behind your back or is actually jealous or angry of you and wants everything that you have, whatever these things may be. God is going to reveal that to you.
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whether if it's in the person, uh, themselves or like through a dream or through the word itself and just testing them by their fruits. I understand some people may not audibly hear the voice of God and some people have a hard time discerning dreams and growing their spiritual discernment, but that just comes with prayer and practice and cultivating your time in the spirit.
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Because even sometimes there, God didn't have to come to me in a dream because I would just pray and I would contend with the Lord. I would just show him like, God, these are areas where I'm really uncomfortable and I don't know if you're calling me to this friendship or I'm assigned to them. And it's almost as if the next time I see them, they do something that was absolutely out of pocket.
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So it was like, oh God, you allowed me to see that. So I know what's actually happening and where I need to step away. And so sometimes God will do that.
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I think the biggest thing is just testing it by the scriptures and testing it by the fruits of the spirit and also like a love test, like going into 1 Corinthians 13 and like testing just the fruits and the attitudes of that person and see if it's actually sharpening you or if it's actually pulling you back and taking you through more turmoil, right?
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And so the bigger picture is that at the end of the day, whether if you like it or not, your friends represent you. I remember I saw on TikTok there, it was very worldly, by the way, this was not like a Christian creator at all, but it was like this guy, because you know, like how people will go to the clubs and just start asking questions.
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Like I love watching those because I really want to know what the world thinks and what culture thinks. So it could equip me in my secret space with the Lord of like how to speak to other people who may think that way, if that makes sense. And so I watched a lot of these interviews because people are so out of pocket on these like street interviews, club interviews or whatever.
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And there was one question that this guy was asked and, and this, This I know this is going to be like, girl, why are we bringing this up? But it's all going to make sense. But this guy asked this other guy at the club, he said, hey, man, I got a question. He's like, what's up?
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And he's like, my question to you is, is that would you date a girl who and say she was in a friend group with like five girls or something like that? He was like, would you date a girl if you knew all the rest of her friends were like OnlyFans stars or something like that? And the man said, no. And he was all like, why wouldn't you?
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And he was like, because your friends represent who you are, even if you're not doing any of that. Because the guy was like, well, what if she didn't do OnlyFans? And what if she didn't do those things? And he made a really good point. He was like, okay, I have a question for you. And the interviewer was like, oh.
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And I ask that the Holy Spirit convicts not me or anybody else, God, but just you. I ask that your spirit gently convicts your children and that you show us you want the best for us, God. So I thank you so much, Father. God, I decree and declare in the mighty name of Jesus that the weapons of my war are not carnal, but they are spiritual through the mighty hand of God.
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
And he was like, my question is, if you see a pack of lions, are you going to think, oh, one of them is nice. Let me go up to it and pet it. And the interviewer is like, no. And he's like, right. So it's like a pack of lions is a pack of lions. You're not going to go up to one of them and just think that one of them is nice.
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
So it's that we could take that same analogy for ourselves is like your friends represent you. So if you're around a whole bunch of women who are mean and angry and gossiping, No wonder other people are going to think of you that way because you're being represented by those you surround yourself with.
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
But if you're around friends who are loving and kind and gentle, that also speaks upon your character as well. And it's not a vanity thing and it's not a superficial thing. That is just the reality of how friendships are supposed to work. You are supposed to be friends with people you are equally yoked with.
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
And then you wonder why people don't want to, or why people wouldn't see you as a Christian. Oh, I wouldn't know that you were a Christian because you hang out with, and it's because you're not equally yoked with the people you're hanging out with. And I think it's a matter of not sticking with the wrong crowd.
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
Like I said, if you're called to people, if you're called to minister to them, if you're called to be a light, be the light, just don't go to the club with them. It's like, people are like, oh, like I can still not drink and smoke and do these things, but I'm still going to go to the club and support all these people drinking and smoking.
Saved Not Soft
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And it's like, that literally defeats the whole purpose because people will go to these places and then they won't even advocate for the gospel. They just won't say anything at all. And when nothing changes, nothing changes. that's it. It's like, if you're going, if for some reason, if God did call you to go to the club and to not drink and smoke, you better be preaching the gospel up in there.
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
I know there's been some times where, um, early in my influencer days and I was just coming to Christ, I would go to influencer events and I wouldn't drink and I wouldn't dance. I would do all these things. But instead I was in the girl's bathroom telling people about Jesus. And so there'll be opportunities for that. But if you're a person who's just like, Oh man,
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
God hasn't called me to drink or smoke, but all my friends drink and smoke and party, and I'm going to go with them, but I'm not doing these things, but I'm not going to advocate the gospel or his truth. You're basically sinning just as them just by participation.
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
Just like how criminally you can get arrested just by being associative of something, there's also a spiritual arrestment that could happen just from your association and your lack of seeking the things of God. Criminally, even people who have been... AKA they're called accessories.
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
Whether it's to, uh, whether if it's to something super criminal or like, say if it's like a drive by shooting or a robbery or something like that, even if you didn't pull the trigger, even if you didn't rob the person, you are an accessory to, by association to that person who committed that act. Same thing spiritually.
Saved Not Soft
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So if you're not advocating good, then you're just as sinful as what those people are doing in the club and smoking and doing all the twerking and the marijuana, et cetera, because you're failing to do anything. And this is in my words, James 4, 17 says this, if anyone then knows the good they ought to do and doesn't do it, it is sin for them.
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
So when you're in a position to advocate for Christ and you're in a position to where you could preach the gospel to your friends who are in wickedness or they're doing all these things that sure you don't do anymore.
Saved Not Soft
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But if you don't say anything to them, if you're not advocating God's truth and if you know what's good, but you're not going about it, you're in just as much sin as them and they're smoking and drinking and partying and having, having sex with other people and et cetera. Because you're also being disobedient. It may not be in those areas, but you're still being disobedient.
Saved Not Soft
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In Jesus' mighty name, they are mighty, God. So I thank you. God, I just speak of protectiveness over this podcast, God, and I just speak that there's a fresh overflow of instruction, of wisdom, of knowledge, and of repentance. God, use me as a vessel. This is not my podcast. This is yours. This isn't even my body. This is yours, God. Just ask that you use me for the greater good of God.
Saved Not Soft
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Disobedient is disobedience. And so I think my encouragement is to just come out of being lukewarm. And not cultivating lukewarm relationships. Instead, having relationships that build each other up. And I think at the end of the day, God is going to show you who's going to stick around and who's just seasonal.
Saved Not Soft
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And if people are seasonal, then trust God that they played their part in your season and release them with peace. release them whenever God gives you the instruction to not out of your own. Oh, I got to do this, God. And, you know, it's just bugging me so much. Like if the Lord is releasing you from that person, let them release you and also do it in a peaceful manner.
Saved Not Soft
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And where the Lord is fully intact. And, you know, even when I first came to Christ and when I lost so many friends. And I mean, so many friends that I thought were going to be, you know, for the long run. I mean, even though they're not in my life now and we're still not friends, I will still think about them and pray for them and take them to the Lord. But I'm not friends with them.
Saved Not Soft
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I'm not associated with them, but I love them. And just how Christ prays and intercedes for us. I believe he calls us to do the same for other people who are still stuck in that lifestyle. And so we must be the bigger people and the bigger person to because God was the bigger person for us. Jesus was the bigger person for us. Like he died for us.
Saved Not Soft
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And when we did it, when we couldn't pay the price, like he paid it for us. So it was like, if God was the bigger person for us, how much more should we be the bigger person for other people? Amen. And my encouragement, my final thoughts, just wrapping up is, friendships you have should always glorify God.
Saved Not Soft
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And if you are in a hiccup in your relationship and God's calling you to stay and thug it out and show grace towards that person, then so be it. But if God is also calling you to get up and go, you must be obedient and get up and go because that person may be going through something on their own that God wants to take them through that he doesn't want you to be in as well.
Saved Not Soft
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So it's staying in the spirit of the Lord and discerning carefully of your friends. But like I said, the biggest indicators is knowing if those people are going to bring you to Christ or knowing if those people are actually tearing you away from Christ. I feel like those are like the two biggest things. And then knowing what it means to be equally yoked and what that looks like.
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
And if you're looking at your circle, like, and if you're even kind of questioning some, some friendships you may have, I would even just write a list of where areas where you're equally yoked with this person, right? Like where areas where you're yoked and where some areas where you do not align at all.
Saved Not Soft
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If you see a lot of areas where you're unaligned with your friend on stuff that are like real basis, core values and beliefs, and they're just completely imbalanced, that's probably a huge indicator that you probably shouldn't be equally yoked with that person and you need to step away. And so I think the question is, is like, why does being equally yoked matter?
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
And why does cultivating great friendships matter? Because ultimately it empowers the kingdom of God. Like before the friendship is ever about you, it's mostly about God because God wants to use and cultivate relationships to fulfill his glory and his kingdom plans.
Saved Not Soft
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And so if God is sending you people to be beside and to sharpen one another and be in community and to work in ministry together or in business or just moving forward and empowering people, you want to make sure you both are just as equally strong and tempered and able to pursue the things of God at the same strength and speed, right? And so it's not just for the sake of yourself.
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
It's also for the sake of God. It's mostly for the sake of God and for the sake of his people, because God is going to use your relationships and your friendships, not to just sharpen you, but to sharpen other people. I think it's just important to know where we need to be.
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
And to use me for the kingdom of you, the kingdom of God, the kingdom of a light God. Use me for your plans and purposes. And I rebuke every plot, plan, and purpose of the enemy God. God, I ask that you expose the enemy's plots, plans, and tactics here today, Father. And you reveal to your children what is true and what you say. In Jesus' mighty name, amen.
Saved Not Soft
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more self-vigilant of okay god where are areas where i need to be more aware of my friendships and really emphasize cultivating meaningful conversations and core values and staying consistent with that instead of coming yoked with people who are not on the same page as me and it's just kind of like holding me back from going to that next place and
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
And, yeah, I think that's pretty much the biggest advice I could give to friendships is just observing your friends and just seeing if you're equally yoked or not. And God's going to reveal to you areas where you are and aren't. And that's that. And so... Just know that your friendships ultimately are giving God glory and God is pleased through your friendships, especially ones that glorify him.
Saved Not Soft
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We just have to be discerning to know when it's time to leave and then when we're called to cleave, I guess. Not like a husband and a wife, but more so like, hey, I need to sit and support and help you. Sometimes God wants you to help and support from a distance so you don't get caught up on whatever that person is dealing with, right? So yeah, that's basically it.
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
So I just pray that you guys have a lot more discernment and wisdom of how to of how to cultivate and remain in really awesome relationships that glorify God. And then also where to find the power and authority to get up and leave when God is calling you to. Because some of y'all have been getting abused in friendships time after time after time.
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
It's about time for you to get up and let them go for the sake of God and for the purpose that he has aligned for you. Amen. So that's that few announcements on the top of my head. First things first, if you got saved through this podcast or if you need prayer, there's a link down below. Also, if you feel led to tithe, there's also two links down below as well.
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And then also, if you want to shop the merchandise, you can shop at SavedNotSoftShop.com. And that's that. Just know that God loves you very dearly. And he also loves the person that you're friends with. He loves everybody. God loves everybody. Jesus loves everyone. And it's great. So we praise him for it. But I love you guys. And until then, yeah, I think that's it. Yeah. Have a great week.
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
And I'll see you next time. Yes? Amen, amen. Love you guys. Bye.
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
So, like how I said going into this episode earlier, Because basically what I've learned in the past few years, even shoot the past few months, is that there are some people who are going to stick around forever. And then there's some people who are really needed during seasons.
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
And when it comes to friendships, I think as a young Gen Zer walking it out in Christianity, friendships could be one of those more complicated areas because there's a real empathy and compassion that we feel for people. But how far is too far to actually let them in our lives? And how deep does that go?
Saved Not Soft
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And I think previously I've lost a lot of relationships, not necessarily because these people or are bad or these people are extremely wicked and, you know, are totally blasphemous against the things of God. But I believe God has revealed people for people in my life where there was a
Saved Not Soft
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Again, it's literally nothing in my own strength. He's just doing it on his own. So yeah. Lord is good. I'm happy for a multitude of reasons today. I'm happy because I got these new pair of loafers right here from Steve Madden. I've been looking for a good pair of loafers and these are the perfect ones. And I've been wearing them all day and I don't have blisters in my feet.
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
a deep connection where we weren't equally yoked or they were just God just didn't call us to have a deeper relationship or that person was needed for a season but won't go won't go with me into the next one like friendships are either seasonal or they're going to be for the most part like friendships for a lifetime.
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
And even whenever I first came to Christ, my friend group looks completely different, like how it once did back in 2019, 2018. So I want to talk about that. And I also want to empathize with you guys, because I think one of the challenges that we go, like I said, when you're younger, is navigating friendships, especially when you first come to Christ.
Saved Not Soft
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You're like, okay, well, what is my circle supposed to look like? And then why does it matter about my circle and the people I surround myself with? And why should I pay attention to that? And why should I care? Right? And so I, the past few years, I've lost a lot of friends. I've also gained really amazing ones since I came to Christ. Even the person who Brought me to Christ, was a close friend.
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
And then even after that, like years and years and years of having really fruitful relationships. One of my best friends, Clarissa, I met her about two, three years after me becoming Christian and like giving my life to the Lord. And our friendship has been completely fruitful. And it was something we both didn't expect. And that has completely blessed me and turned my life around.
Saved Not Soft
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My other best friend, Amoye, we met all the way back in like 2020. And our relationship and our friendship has completely changed my life. Because we're able to empathize with each other on another level. We just meet each other where we're at. She pulls me and pushes me and sharpens me in areas where I need to be sharpened and same vice versa. It is a complete Proverbs 27, 17 moment.
Saved Not Soft
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Even one of my other best friends, Amani, she has completely blessed my spirit and
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
and I don't even know her for that long it's been over a year but it's just kind of one of those things where it's like when you know you know and when you know your circle is with you they're with you and then there's also other friends um I have as well just like on the top of my head uh and then like Tristan and Alana and people who have been really close to my life who have served great purpose and who have been around for a very long time and
Saved Not Soft
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And so I've gained really great friends in the faith and through this process of me going through my Christian lifestyle. And also throughout the process, I lost a lot of relationships or I had to step away from some people and not go as deep because the Lord was just showing me areas where we weren't spiritually aligned. And that doesn't necessarily mean to be rude to the dang people.
Saved Not Soft
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It just means there's a healthy distance to create between people. So it's like, what does it look like walking that out and being friends and especially as a Christian and all those things? And so I want to talk about first Job and his friends. I think that's one of the most popular stories of a friendship in the Bible is the story of Job.
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Job is going through sufferings and trials and tribulations, not because he did anything sinful, but because the Lord allowed a trial and tribulation to happen in order to build Job's character. And so through this story, Job was going through a lot of distress. He was suffering. He received boils all over his body. He was sick. His whole entire family died.
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Everything he had worked hard for has been stripped away from him. And we see a good attribute of his friends in the story because in a time where Job was suffering and in grief and distress and going through a calamity, instead of Job's friends trying to tell him what he should do and not do, they sat with him in silence and they supported him and they didn't need to say all these fancy things.
Saved Not Soft
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They just sat there and they were present. And I think this shows an area where we could have really healthy relationships and what healthy relationships look like is that they sit with you, that they're patient with you, that they're praying for you and that they're beside you.
Saved Not Soft
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So that is a good sign because I feel like Steve Madden shoes, they usually get blisters and all that stuff and you know, I'm not trying to hate on them. I'm just saying the truth. But God is good because I woke up and I breathed a new day. I got my new shoes, my new loafers on. And God has been very kind to me in this new season.
Saved Not Soft
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simultaneously though job's friends also weren't the best after this incident of him losing almost everything and then them sitting with them his friends then developed a behavior and attitude which almost kind of flipped on job which caused a lot of confusion to job because his friends were supposed to be those who he confided in and people who would advocate for him and
Saved Not Soft
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And so later they started to criticize him harshly, insisting what was happening to him. And it was because they thought he inflicted it upon himself with disobedience. But Job kept advocating after each time they would speak that he hasn't been disobedient. Instead, he has faithfully served the Lord and he didn't know why any of this happened. was happening.
Saved Not Soft
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And Job endured the suffering, but his friends needed to tell the truth about God. And they weren't. They were leaning on their own understanding about God. They didn't comfort him. Instead, they added to his pain. They were doing good in the first half. And then once they got to the second round, they finished very badly.
Saved Not Soft
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And so because they didn't tell the truth about God, we see in Job 42 verses seven through nine, God's response to Job's friends is, God's response after the Lord has sent these things to Job, he said to Eliphaz the Temanite, I am angry with you and your two friends because you have not spoken the truth about me as my servant Job has.
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Now take seven bulls and seven rams and go to my servant Job and sacrifice a burnt offering for yourselves. My servant Job will pray for you and I will accept his prayer and not deal with you according to your folly. You have not spoken the truth about me as my servant Job has.
Saved Not Soft
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So Eliphaz the Temanite, Biladad, and Shuhite, and Zophar, the Namathite, did what the Lord told them, and the Lord accepted Job's prayer. So it was to show us that God was upset with Job's friends because they represented him poorly. And God has beef with friends who don't speak the truth about him.
Saved Not Soft
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And this scripture alone, a very long time ago, whenever I was first being pulled away from a lot of my friendships out of the world into the world, is that God didn't want me to be surrounded around people who didn't know the truth of God. And we see in the story, God was upset with Job's friends because they did not share God's truth.
Saved Not Soft
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And so I think that's one indicator of what friends you need to keep and what friends you need to let go of. And I'm going to make this podcast episode very simple of basically two sections of this episode of what friends do you keep and what friends do you let go of, right? And how to watch your circle. And so we're going to talk about what friends to keep.
Saved Not Soft
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And I think the first indicator of knowing what friends to keep and knowing if it's wise to keep certain friends, you keep your friends if they are leading you to Christ, if you're equally yoked to them, and if they sharpen you essentially.
Saved Not Soft
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And when, what it looks like for a friend to lead you to Christ means that they're not allowing you to turn back to the world, to your old habits, your old life, whatever it was, party, drinking, smoking, living adulterous, living sexually immoral, whether if it's gossiping or slander or bullying people online or just being mean or being disingenuous or rude or angry, whatever it may be.
Saved Not Soft
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These are people who shouldn't lead you back to corruption, but instead push you to the things of God. So a great indicator that you should keep your friends is if they push you towards the things of God and also if you're equally yoked. The Bible talks about in Proverbs 27, 17, the iron sharpens iron. And I think a lot of Christians at times, and I've been here too,
Saved Not Soft
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And a part of my new season where he's been really kind and I've been having to just give him so much gratitude and thanks for what he's been doing in this past season is that the past few months, I would even say the past few years, the Lord has completely pruned me in areas, especially when it pertains to my friendships and
Saved Not Soft
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we would want these kind of soft edged friends and it wasn't sharpening us for conviction and to grow higher into the things of God, but what it means to, to sharpen iron with iron, it's constant contact with one another and sharpening is a process and sharpening is never something that actually feels good, but it's beneficial because it's making you stronger, right? Um,
Saved Not Soft
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So I could take one of my friends for an example, like Clarissa or Amoye, because we're both equally yoked in our walks with God. Whenever we speak to one another and whenever I may be weak and Clarissa has to pull some extra weight or Amoye, she's going through something and I have to help her with some wisdom. We sharpen one another and same vice versa.
Saved Not Soft
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Just as one friend sharpens one, the one is supposed to sharpen one another. So it's a constant sharpening. And the thing is, is that if you have one person who's sharp and one person who's dull, you're actually not going to make that wood plank, which is what I'm just thinking on the top of my head, sharp. Instead, you're just going to dull yourself out in the process.
Saved Not Soft
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So you keep friends who sharpen you. You keep friends who are able to call you out and heavenly rebuked you with gentleness and kindness and et cetera. And you keep people who actually are pursuing the things of God and want to bring you along the way. And I think when we talk about friendships, the biggest thing we have to talk about is what it means to be equally yoked.
Saved Not Soft
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Because we see a lot of people in friendships, but there's not a, it's just not equal. I was trying to find a better word for that. But the friendships aren't equal because one person is pulling dead weight and then the other just doesn't care. And so we have to talk about what it means to be equally yoked and what the Bible says about being equally yoked.
Saved Not Soft
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Because I think we think, oh, being equally yoked is having the same interest or it's being the same age or having the same, I don't know, social media following or you're in the same class or you've been to school your whole entire life. And because there's a familiarity that that's what it means to be equally yoked. But what the Bible says about being equally yoked.
Saved Not Soft
Watch Your Circle! (Discerning friendships) | SavedNotSoftPodcast
what it means to be yoked with somebody actually comes from an ancient biblical agricultural practice. So these oxen would have these frames over their heads and two strong oxen would be put together with the intention that when this wooden frame comes over them, they would be able to work and empower one another to to plow fields, to carry heavy weights, and et cetera.