Eddie Lursa
Appearances
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
Thank you. I got my Uber on the way here, and it was a lady driver, so, you know, I buckled up. Not just because she was a woman. I'm not a sexist. She was also Asian. Not that Asian people can't drive. They can, and that's the problem. Relax, relax. I'm kidding. It wasn't an Asian woman. It might have been an Asian man. I couldn't tell. Not that I hate Ubers, though. I fucking hate Ubers.
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
My worst Uber driver ever. Made me walk two blocks in the rain to get to the car. Loudly fought the entire ride with someone named Shut the Fuck Up, Bitch. where I ran multiple red lights, almost hit a person. Then this dude had tattoos up to his neck and three teardrops under his eyeball. Five stars, because that guy knows where I live. 25% tip. Thank you for the service.
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
I actually found out when I want to leave one star, I started getting dropped off down the street at my bitchy neighbor's house, because she's kind of got it coming. All right, that's my time. Thank you. I'm Eddie Lursa.
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
Yeah. I started in West Palm, Florida, but I wasn't there very long. I moved here like six months in.
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
No, I'm originally from Virginia. I lived in Florida for six years before I moved here.
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
Yeah, I bartend. I produce a lot of shows in town. Anything I can, but bartending is my main money right now.
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
For fun, I mean, out here, mostly stand-up. I like writing. I used to write fiction a lot. Back in my early 20s, I had a little self-publishing company in D.C. I wrote a bunch of short stories, a couple self-published novels. That was my main... I've written since I was a little kid. I've always loved writing.
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
I like to snowboard. I haven't been in a long time. I used to live in Colorado. I used to go snowboarding a lot. You ever snow one wheel? Never snow one wheeled.
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
Because he's all black, one white claw, and I was drinking white claws heavily at the time when I got him. Oh, wow.
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
On stage, 15, 16 minutes. It's the longest set I've done.
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
Thank you. Thank you. Happy to be here. It's a new year. Trump just got inaugurated on Monday. Some people are happy about it, some aren't. I didn't vote for Trump, even though I look like this. I love with you. But I also didn't vote for Kamala. I didn't vote. And some people feel a certain type of way about that. I stand by my decision, and I'll tell you why. I didn't vote because I am a felon.
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
Towards the end of my time, I was in college for six months. I assaulted police officers, and I wasn't in college anymore after that. What provoked that, dude?
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
It was a long... I was eating acid heavily at the time. Oh, I thought you were just... I thought he said acid.
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
All right. Actually... Sorry. I did go to a Waffle House immediately upon getting out of jail.
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
It was great. No, I was in college, and I ate acid one time for like two months straight, and I lost my mind. I drank a bunch of Everclear Jungle Juice, and there was a cop in my dorm when I got back, and I didn't like that, I guess. I don't really remember exactly how it happened, but... What did the report say? Oh, it was a 15-page police report. We were together for hours. Wow.
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
I busted, I thought when they finally got me to the police car, I remember telling the cop that when he had me in ankle cuffs and my hands back, that that's how I had his wife on the ground and just being as disrespectful as possible. When he got me in the car, I thought that if I went to jail, or if I went to the hospital, I wouldn't have to go to jail.
KILL TONY
#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS
So I got this scar because I busted my head open on the plexiglass between the front and the back of the police car. and then went to the hospital, caught a felony at the hospital, and had to go to jail. Wow. Yeah, that was just pages like one through three. I don't know how many of these. Absolutely incredible.