Dr. Lindsay Gibson
Appearances
The Daily
'The Interview': Chuck Schumer on Democrats, Antisemitism and His Shutdown Retreat
A lot of people have a lot of problem when they first hear that idea about their parent. They begin to hedge and balk at calling their parent that because they're just so accustomed to giving their parents the benefit of the doubt.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
Hi, David. I'm doing great.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
always exhausting, it's always frustrating, and you never feel like you're doing enough. This woman that I'm thinking about, she was developing stress-related physical symptoms. It was like, okay, let's talk about the effect on your health. So, then you may bring up to the person, do you want to keep visiting them? Do you want to keep going over there?
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
And lots of times, that's the first time that thought's ever crossed their mind.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
No, they really didn't. And so when they begin to get that idea, it begins to expose this whole arrangement that is implicit in the relationship, which is the parent gets to do whatever the heck they want, and that adult child is supposed to go along with it, or they're being a bad child. There's a moral obligation there.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
That is not only implied, but explicitly stated that if I have a need, you should be there because you're my kid. I'm trying to get them to feel the cost of it to them, which oftentimes they have completely tuned out because they don't want to be a bad person.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
That's what I'm here for.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
Big topic. I think the book's ongoing popularity has been due to the fact that it said something about the cultural stereotype that we've had about parents for eons. Yeah. that all parents love their children. All parents only want the best for their children. All parents put their children first. Children can depend on their parents to be there for them when no one else is.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
And I think people's actual experience many times with their parents, but with anybody in their life, is that these experiences stereotypes and these tropes don't match up with their emotional experience. And when there's, unfortunately, when there's a mismatch between a stereotype and what you're feeling inside,
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
Our typical response is to feel like we're off, that there's something that we're missing, that we're not doing right. Because how could I be having this feeling toward my parent when I know that they only want the best for me? Or I know, quote unquote, they really love me and they end up blaming themselves.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
Absolutely, I think it's a danger. It's like, that is the problem with the categorizing part of our mind, period. Once we call something something, we think we know all about it.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
That's because it's using the part of the brain that tends to be convinced that once it gets a name for something, it knows all there is to know about it, and it has no interest whatsoever in going back and adjusting its beliefs. Okay? So that's a real danger with anything.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
On the other hand, though, if you think about in medicine, sometimes when you reduce and isolate out the operative factors, the most important factors, it gives you a way to not only recognize it but to control it. and to do something about it, to name it, to respond differently to it.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
So it's a very valid point, David, but it is a point that is... You could say it about anything where you have an effective categorization that it oversimplifies and it leads to, you know, stereotyped or black-and-white conclusions that are not helpful.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
I've just tried to moderate that by helping people see more of the big picture about why these people became emotionally immature, what they're trying to do with that kind of behavior and then what you can do about it.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
Sure. The biggest one is the egocentrism. If you just imagine that a person starts and ends all their consideration with what's best for them or how they see things, that's egocentrism. And, you know, David, I just started watching The Sopranos for the first time. I'm like the only person in America that had not watched The Sopranos. You're in for a treat.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
Yeah, for emotionally immature people, your compassion will be weaponized because their egocentrism makes them determined to be the innocent party, for them to be the victim, and for you to put aside your needs in order to meet theirs. That's the deal.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
The emotionally immature person will always frame a situation that you are not being sympathetic enough, compassionate enough, seeing it from their point of view, being sensitive enough. So, when I'm working with people who've been raised by people like this, I am always very careful
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
about pushing for any kind of compassion, forgiveness, any of those things that say, well, even though you have treated me badly, even though you have invalidated me and made me feel bad about myself, even though you have tried to control me and manipulate my emotions, I'm going to be empathic and feel for you. I don't think that's a moral high ground.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
Now, I know that there was a period in sort of the psychotherapy world where I think it was mostly dealing with narcissists. This is years and years ago. You were kind of supposed to have compassion for what the narcissism was about, that it was a reaction to poor sense of self, tremendous shame.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
And if you could understand that, you could sort of reframe that to yourself so that you didn't get defensive and so you could manage them better. But my goodness, it's like, is that really what you want to be spending your energy on? So when somebody expects that we should have compassion for them,
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
I don't support that with people because I think it's not good for them to continue to frame it that way. You don't have to hate and revile the person. I mean, I certainly agree with that. But I'm after neutrality. I mean, after getting along in the best way you can with a difficult person, if that's what you want to do.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
But to expect the person then to go into that next step of compassion and forgiveness, I don't feel in a position to make the judgment that that's what a person should do.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
To me, I look at that question differently. I look at it, do any of us owe anybody else anything?
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
The answer is yes, I think we do as human beings. If I'm walking down the street and somebody trips and falls, I'm going to stop and help them get up. I mean, there are things that call out altruistic, helpful responses. I mean, I wouldn't want to live in a world where that wasn't there. But what has happened is that there has been such a—to get back to those stereotypes again—
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
There's been such an assumption that because you're my child, you owe me something in terms of like payback or I'm entitled to your attention and I can treat you any way I want because we're family and you're my child. That's where you get up to a point where there should be a boundary. I mean, there is no law that says you have to respond in a certain way.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
Yeah, well, I'm on season five now, so I'm, yeah. But if you listen to the dialogue, they completely nailed it. Because everything always comes back the same. to the viewpoint of the person who is the emotionally immature character. It's always all about them. Another one is the lack of empathy. The parent just doesn't get it.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
And what I'm about is know what it's going to cost you to respond. Think about yourself, too, and then make your best decision about it. We ultimately do have the right to say no when something is going to harm us.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
Yeah, you know, I think if you ever watch little kids, their default mode is happiness. And that's because they're spontaneously going and doing the next interesting thing. They just naturally are following their energies of the moment. So I think that's what happens with people too.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
If we take away some of the things that have been holding them back, if they feel released to say no to the things that kill their energy... if they don't feel guilted into acting more compassionate or loving than they really feel, if we take these things off of them, it's like a cork that bobs to the top of the water.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
The emotionally immature person needs other people to emotionally stabilize them, keep them calm, make them happy, and also to buffer their self-esteem, make sure they keep feeling good about themselves. That is a terrible drag on a person.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
That's exhausting when we can get the idea that we're not in this world to function as a sort of an auxiliary coping mechanism for people who can't do it for themselves. we begin to feel our energy coming back. You know, that's what happiness is. Happiness is like free energy. Happiness is, I get to go and do the next thing that I feel like doing.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
Not in a, you know, hedonistic, inconsiderate kind of way, but I just get to follow my nose for what my own individual interests are. And that's what makes us happy. along with some of these emotionally mature skills in relationships that keep things, you know, relatively satisfying between ourselves and the people that we love, that all adds up to happiness.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
We do have something inside us, and this is what I would call the core self, which is very based in the body. It's very based in emotion. And this core self tells us when we are getting what we need or when we're being treated badly.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
Hey, David. How are you this morning?
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
They say, why are you so upset about this, or stop it, or this is not a big deal. They cannot enter into the reality of their child's emotional experience. It just doesn't make sense to them. Maybe it's the teenager who wants to talk to their parent about their girlfriend or boyfriend. And then the parent says, oh, tell me about it. That reminds me of your father.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
Oh, no. Yeah. No, I don't think we should do anything without compassion at some level. It's not that we don't want to have compassion, but what I'm talking about is that with the people that I worked with in psychotherapy, the adult children of these emotionally immature parents, the problem was really an excess of compassion, that they were trained and
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
and guilted and shamed into having for these parents, okay? It's involuntary on the part of the emotionally immature parents, nothing diabolical here. And so when people come to me and they have been conditioned into this sort of compassionate attitude, I take it on myself to have them examine that dynamic
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
What I've seen is that the compassion takes over the instinctual self-preservation, and the person feels too guilty, too ashamed, and too self-doubting to even think about what's healthy for them. Absolutely.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
Yeah, well, I don't think there's much possibility of change unless you have the self-reflection, okay? And you have the self-reflection because you have a sense of self. And you develop the sense of self because your emotional needs have been met And you have been responded to as a little human being early enough that that sense of self gets in there.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
OK, you know, to go back to the Sopranos, that's what his therapist was over five years trying to enjoy how much you've gone back to the Sopranos.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
Yeah, well, she got him to start in a minuscule way, self-reflecting. So that makes change possible. I think there are earth-shattering moments that really shift your paradigm, and I think they really shift reality. like permanently shift your view of something or your way of thinking about yourself or other people. And I think that kind of change can happen in a flash.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
It's like something, like a joint goes back into place. There's a click and it's like, ah, that's not what it is. It's this. And that, like everything else starts to reorganize around that new realization. So I think that can happen.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
What I have found though in psychotherapy, the biggest change that people seem to have gotten from therapy is that they have a realization of their own inner experience. They now know how things affect them, what they really feel, what they really think. And they use that now to guide themselves through relationships and through their lives And usually the results are very adaptive, very good.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
They have more energy. The insight is not an intellectual exercise. It is like a becoming, an awareness that, oh, this is who I am.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
well, there's no eye in the sky that's going to one day give us the answer. But I think we can sense the truth for ourselves, even if it's a bad thing, even if it's a sorrowful thought or a painful thought, you still have those experiences of I've touched on the truth of something. And we respond to that. So I think, you know, as far as human beings go, the best we can get
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
Let me tell you what he did yesterday. And suddenly, you know, we're back talking about the emotionally immature person's issues with no sense of, you know, sticking to the subject of the other person.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
is that internal sensing of what our truth is. Now, and of course, the next question is going to be, what if I am a conspiracy theorist or a paranoid personality?
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
Exactly. Yes. Well, then you got a problem. And what will happen is that reality will spank you. I mean, there is something that starts to happen eventually. in the particulars of our lives that tells us that we're on the right track.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
If you feel like that great line out of Michael Clayton, when Michael Clayton is saying to his son, you're not going to be one of these people like your uncle who goes through life saying, why is this stuff falling on my head all the time? Okay. It's because you become aware of yourself as an agent in your own life.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
And once you do that, you are in a much better position to deal with whatever reality is going to bring your way.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
Right, yeah. I think what I was trying to get at is that if children's basic needs are met, they want to go and do or experience things that make them happy even happier. Now, what you're seeing on the playground, though, is a bunch of kids who are navigating a world that could care less about their basic happiness.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
Yeah, it sounds familiar. So as they're, you know, bouncing off of that in their lives, they're going to have all these emotions. But the happiness search is... I mean, I think it's why plants reach for the sun. I mean, I don't think it's a human thing. It's like a universal thing, like things that are alive. want to flourish.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
They go toward whatever it is that's going to maximize their optimal growth and experience as a living thing. That's what I believe. So I think that's what little kids are doing. But being that they're living in a world in which they have to be watched and controlled and all of that by parents, they're going to hit all these blocks and that's going to make them unhappy.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
Yeah, it's certainly not an ideal existence. I'm glad I'm out of childhood because... Because a lot of it was a drag, you know. But I think that it's important for us to remember that we do have something inside us. And this is what I would call the core self, which is very based in the body. It's very based in emotion.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
And this core self tells us when we are getting what we need or when we're being treated badly. Yeah.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
Oh, perfect. I'm assuming you really want me to answer that. Of course, yeah. Yeah, well, I think that I go back to nature a lot. I go back to plants and animals and trees and And I think that, you know, it's like, how much does it matter to that plant that has its genetic makeup in that acorn that has the oak tree in it? How much does it matter to that acorn or that seed or that animal?
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
What does it matter to them how they're treated in the formative years of their life? I would say it matters a lot. It matters a whole lot. Okay, I was actually kidding when I said 53% because I really think it's much higher than that.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
But we have to keep in mind that even if it was 73%, that other part, the genetic, the physical, what it is that that child is bringing into the world as a unique creation, That is huge. And parents cannot take full responsibility for how their kids turn out because of that. And that I really, you know, that mix I really am not at all sure of.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
But I do know that you can mess it up early if you don't pay attention to what something needs when it's young.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
Right, right. Where's the line? Okay. If you think of emotional maturity and immaturity as being on a continuum, all of us have a spot that we tend to hang out on that continuum. It doesn't mean that we stay there no matter what. For instance, like, if you're tired or you're sick or you're stressed...
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
I can guarantee that you are not going to be as emotionally mature as you could when you're rested and well and not stressed. I mean, that's just what happens. We all slide down the scale when we have those kinds of stresses.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
However, if you're in one of these other compromised states, you may not be at your finest moment and you may do some things that look immature, but it's going to bother you. You're not going to feel okay about what you did. In fact, you're going to think about what you did. The emotionally immature person, it's like, you know, that was in the past. That was then, this is now.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
Why are you wallowing in it and why are you still upset? the more emotionally mature person would totally get why you're still upset because they have empathy and because they're self-aware emotionally. They know that you don't get over things just because time passes.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
So they're going to come back and they're going to do something that indicates that they have felt for the other person's experience.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
Yeah, yeah, no, that's a really, that's a great question. I can just tell you what tends to happen in therapy is that the person comes in and they have some immediate issue, right? Maybe they're having a problem in their relationship or their work. Maybe they just had a panic attack. They have no idea what's going on. And usually, first few sessions, you don't necessarily hear about the parent.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
But then, you know, like five, six sessions in, you ask them, you know, before you begin feeling so low, what had happened that evening? And then, you know, you come to find out that their dad said something that was completely disrespectful or, you know, whatever. And you begin to, you know, like make those connections. What I tended to find out was that when we delved into the feelings of
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
we come to find out that, yeah, they were having very deep reactions to things that their parents did and said, but they had been trained to not see that as legitimate. That had been so invalidated, they thought that they were, you know, being disloyal or petty for even bringing it up. As a therapist, I would be sitting there and my mind would be going,
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
you know, oh my gosh, that person is so narcissistic that they're describing, or she sounds like a borderline personality disorder, but I'm not going to say that to my client. So I would have to find ways of elaborately translating that into behavior so that we could talk about it without labeling them in a way that made their parents sound pathological.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
I think you could argue that. There's no way of getting around that you're boiling down this person that they love into a set of traits, and it calls them a name. It's pejorative. But when you say emotionally immature, it's not from the diagnostic manual. And although, yeah, it is a way of categorizing them, but it has a, to me anyway, it has a more explanatory kind of tone to it.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
It doesn't, if you say your father is narcissistic, I get an immediate caricature of a narcissist. If I say, your father sounds like he may be emotionally immature, I don't know, there's a little bit of grace in that. But I can tell you, David, that a lot of people have a lot of problem when they first hear that idea about their parent.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
I've had people come in because of the book that once we get into the therapy part of it, they begin to hedge and balk at calling their parent that because they're just so accustomed to giving their parents the benefit of the doubt.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
Yeah, I think it's exactly the opposite. I think it really increases a person's sense of agency. Because what's really disempowering to them is the idea that I've been trying to interact with my parent using all the communication skills I know, using all the tact or the empathy that I know, and it doesn't go anywhere and we end up in a fight. So they feel...
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
The whole basis of a relationship with an emotionally immature person is that you often feel disempowered because they can't give either you or them the room to have you be understood. And when you realize that the reason that they're not listening, the reason that they don't seem to be responding to you is not because... you have poor communication skills, it's because they can't stand it.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
They can't bear to be even mildly criticized. They don't have the emotional wherewithal to deal with that. And when you realize that, it's like, oh, this is not about my lack of skill or the fact that I get nervous around my parents. That's not the deal. And if I understand what's happening, I can change my behavior or I can change my responses because I understand what they're doing.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
Back to the Sopranos. I mean, those guys were like masters of this. You complain to them about something, and the next thing you know, they're telling you that you're a crybaby victim, and they didn't do anything to you, and you're being unfair, et cetera, et cetera.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
I can guarantee you I never said the smell test thing.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
No, but it's good. Yeah, it has really not come up. I mean, if I heard emotionally mature behavior being talked about, I think I'm enough of a scientist that I would mention that to them or ask them to tell me in more detail what seemed emotionally immature to them about that. Because that would make me curious. Like, they're referring themselves for this, and yet I'm not seeing that.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
But that's never happened.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
If they would only say, tell me what you mean by that. That could do it right there. It would be the curiosity and the caring about what their child was expressing. Like just imagining that that might be that other person's truth. Like if you had a friend that came to you and said, you know, you really hurt me. You wouldn't say, hurt you? What about me? You would probably say, what do you mean?
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
Or tell me what happened. You would be curious and you would want to know because... you have enough of a sense of self and enough confidence in your ability to deal with emotional issues that you could afford to ask that person to explain it to you because you'd have a little bit of hope that maybe you could work it out.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
And emotionally immature people just shut the door on that because they know they don't handle emotional things very well. And their best defense is just to not get into it at all and to point the finger back at you. So anytime somebody...
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
shows some capacity for self-reflection and a willingness to look at their part in things, you know, now you're out of the realm of emotional immaturity and you're back on track to have a more grown-up and emotionally real kind of relationship. But you've got to have that capacity for self-reflection, which most emotionally immature people really don't have. So if somebody...
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
Yeah, that is something that... Well, from my standpoint, I start thinking about whether or not it's good for them to have contact with their parent when they start having physical or emotional problems directly associated with their contact with their parents. Say a woman who had very demanding, very egocentric, emotionally immature parents.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
And they expected her to, you know, come at the drop of a hat, help them out, do something for them, attend something. I mean, they were as needy as her own children and also entitled. So she was exhausted.
The Daily
'The Interview': Dr. Lindsay Gibson on What We Owe Our 'Emotionally Immature' Parents
Because when they pulled her into these interactions or things they wanted her to do for them, there was no exchange of energy like, she does it, they're grateful, she feels good about doing a good deed. Not at all. It's like, she didn't do it well enough. They need more. And she's a bad person because she's trying to set a boundary. And so it's...