Dr. Jim Doty
Appearances
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
I walked into a magic shop and met a woman who... looked at me as a human being. So many people make judgments about people, and they don't recognize the past or the problems or the adversities they faced. And everybody deserves to be listened to. So this woman in this magic shop, she was a radiant being. She had a smile, a presence that made you feel safe.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
And this is a key, psychological safety, to downregulate your stress response. And she made me feel okay. She didn't look down on me when I was 12. As a 12-year-old, she looked at me as an equal, eye to eye. And that interaction with her changed the trajectory of my life because it changed how I saw the world.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
Having somebody take the time to look at you, see you, appreciate what you are, and taking that interest, it's very meaningful. And I try never to take that for granted. And even, and I hope every interaction, you understand that a lot of people are suffering. They're carrying baggage from their past, and that baggage is limiting them. And oftentimes, just...
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
listening to somebody can profoundly change their lives because that's what people want to be heard. And sometimes it's just hello. Sometimes it's just a hug. So I always tell people, never forget your own ability to change somebody's life and also to recognize that oftentimes how somebody is interacting with you has nothing to do with what's going on.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
It has to do with the baggage they're carrying. And so give people a benefit of a doubt. And so
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
know if you grew up in a background like mine typically there are two paths one is the path you become an alcoholic drug abuser have mental health issues the other is you over excel right overachieve then the path of the overachiever gets bifurcated there's one group who say nobody helped me i did this all myself uh i'm not going to help anybody else
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
Then you have the other group, which I probably typified maybe excessively, where I understand the pain people go through, and very deeply. So I'm very attuned to that.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
That is a Buddha. That's water? And that's a Buddha centered on the pool. So you see it as you walk in.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
And it's a headless Buddha.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
Because it reminds you to not get lost in your head.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
Well, having complete lack of knowledge is actually a benefit oftentimes because you're not restrained by other people's opinions.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
I think we already are.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
So let me start with the morning first. Every morning I wake up and I sit at the side of the bed and I do a breathing exercise. And the very nature of that breathing exercise shifts me into the parasympathetic nervous system.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
It's just slowly breathing in through the nose, holding it for four seconds, slowly letting it out. And I do this for a minute or two. You can sit, you can lay down. There's nothing that is prescriptive. And this is where people get lost about mindfulness practices. They somehow think you have to sit like a Buddha and do this, and they get all anxious about it.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
There's no reason to be anxious at all. It's just to find a place where you feel comfortable. And then I go through this breathing exercise of slowly breathing in for four to six seconds, holding it for four to six seconds, slowly letting it out through the mouth. And then that shifts me into the parasympathetic nervous system or strengthens where I'm already at.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
And then I think of the joy and awe of being in this world. And I just sit with that for a minute or two. And that centers me for the day. And if I'm centered looking through that lens, then that actually creates the environment for me to manifest because I am in the right mindset. I'm calm. I'm thoughtful. I'm thinking about others. I'm not self-focused.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
And the very nature of that allows me to manifest. Now, I was going to mention in the evening. All of us have goals, all of us have intentions, and you can prioritize them from ones that are mildly important, moderately important, incredibly important in the time frames, and then you focus on them.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
And what I will do is I will again write them down, whatever the top three are, and then I'll go through the exact same exercise I mentioned, which is to write them down, to repeat it silently, to repeat it aloud, to see it happening, and over and over and over again.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
All of those things strengthen the power and put you in the right mindset to have the greatest likelihood of you manifesting your intention. And the very nature of that puts you in the right mental state.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
where you don't feel you have to hide yourself, where you don't feel that you have to put on a show for everybody about how successful you are, and where you're just feeling comfortable with who you are and accept yourself. And the hardest, hardest part for so many people is accepting themselves as they are, not be lost in how they want to be. or lost in what could have been.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
And this is also a thing that distracts you from the energy you have to change things. Because if you spend 80% of your time on the past and the future that hasn't happened, lamenting, then you can never be present to actually make things happen. And this is the key. You have to be present. You have to be authentic. You have to understand your past. And you have to understand that
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
When you want something to manifest, yes, it is a future intention, but it's not something to get lost in. It's something simply to sit with instead of be pathologically focused on. As an example, I'm sure you've seen people who have sacrificed everything to get to the top of the mountain. Well, they've sacrificed everything to get to the top of the mountain to stand there by themselves.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The Top Expert Advice of the Year: The Best of the Mel Robbins Podcast
What was the purpose of that? Our purpose in life is connection. It's not to so be focused that you don't have any connections and you're walking alone. It's to connect with people. I mean, many, many of the aspects of what we're talking about are the journey with others, not necessarily standing by yourself.