Dr. Howard Steele
Appearances
This American Life
668: The Long Fuse
I'll do anything you want to with this. I'll talk to anybody. They won't believe me anyway. I'm here and happy to screw things up further, but I can't believe what I did for 50-some years. I don't know what anyone would want to do with it except shut my mouth, but it's getting kind of late. God will shut it pretty soon. And you know how she is.
This American Life
668: The Long Fuse
Yes, good afternoon. My name is Dr. Howard Steele. I'm a Colgate alum. In fact, I'm the oldest surviving... And at first I'm just like, am I in trouble?
This American Life
668: The Long Fuse
What's going on? And then he sort of pauses and he says, I am the author of Ho Man Kwok.
This American Life
668: The Long Fuse
I have a phone. I answer that phone all the time because I store the little thing that keeps it electrified in my left chest.
This American Life
668: The Long Fuse
So when the phone rings, my heart stops and I answer immediately. At any rate, it would be a pleasure to hear you. Hanging up now. Have a nice evening. Bye.
This American Life
668: The Long Fuse
I'm going to take you back to the beginning. There was a dear, dear friend of mine, and I were recovering from a Chinese meal we'd had downtown. We spent about once a week, and we were perfectly happy.
This American Life
668: The Long Fuse
He said, you know, you're stupid, Steele, number one. You shouldn't expect to send articles out and then get them published in these dumb journals.
This American Life
668: The Long Fuse
He told me that it was impossible for someone as stupid as an orthopedic surgeon, which I was, to write an article that could be published in something as magnificent as the New England Medical Journal. That was a threat, and he was willing to make a bet.
This American Life
668: The Long Fuse
I decided, well, I'll write a little article and send it over there. So I went home and I just sat down and wrote a letter to the editor of the Journal of Medicine in New England.
This American Life
668: The Long Fuse
And I didn't sign it with my name, but I signed it Homan Kwok, H-O, one word, M-A-N, one word, Kwok, K-W-O-K, figuring that someone, when they got this letter, would realize that what that word was was a breakdown of a not nice word we used to use all the time when someone was a jerk. We call him a human crock of you-know-what.
This American Life
668: The Long Fuse
As soon as it came out, I called the general editor and told him that it was a bunch of bunk. It was all fake. It was all made up. And he hung up the phone on me. He wouldn't talk any further. He thought I was a jackass. So I kept calling him. And finally, apparently, he gave a message to the phone girl in the office that if anybody named Howard called, hang up.
This American Life
668: The Long Fuse
Actually, for years, I tried to call him and tell him that the whole thing was a hoax. that it was not true, that I didn't know anything about Chinese, and particularly Chinese, what's it called, Chinese restaurants. I never saw anybody with it. I didn't know what the hell I'm talking about.
This American Life
668: The Long Fuse
Everybody in the world is talking about the Chinese restaurant syndrome. And it's a lie. It's a big fib. It's astounding.