Dr. Ethan Cross

And I would just listen to my grandmother and grandfather and others just wail. They would talk in detail about what they went through. They would say things and tell stories that I would never hear on any other day except that one day. And then the day was over and she would go back to being her more stoic self when it came to these experiences.

And I would just listen to my grandmother and grandfather and others just wail. They would talk in detail about what they went through. They would say things and tell stories that I would never hear on any other day except that one day. And then the day was over and she would go back to being her more stoic self when it came to these experiences.

And so what I later realized is what my grandmother was doing is she was being strategic in terms of allowing herself to think about what she went through and her family members who perished. selectively though, and on her terms. And that was a solution that worked well for her. And it's a solution that flies in the face of, I think, lots of popular calls to always approach our emotions.

And so what I later realized is what my grandmother was doing is she was being strategic in terms of allowing herself to think about what she went through and her family members who perished. selectively though, and on her terms. And that was a solution that worked well for her. And it's a solution that flies in the face of, I think, lots of popular calls to always approach our emotions.

And so what I later realized is what my grandmother was doing is she was being strategic in terms of allowing herself to think about what she went through and her family members who perished. selectively though, and on her terms. And that was a solution that worked well for her. And it's a solution that flies in the face of, I think, lots of popular calls to always approach our emotions.

We now know from research that some people benefit from not reflexively approaching their emotions. And sometimes this capacity to be strategic in how you deploy your attention can actually be really, really effective.

We now know from research that some people benefit from not reflexively approaching their emotions. And sometimes this capacity to be strategic in how you deploy your attention can actually be really, really effective.

We now know from research that some people benefit from not reflexively approaching their emotions. And sometimes this capacity to be strategic in how you deploy your attention can actually be really, really effective.

That's right. And by all accounts, she... led a great life. And so this was a tool that worked well for her. It reminds me of some of the data surrounding how people coped following the 9-11 attacks. So I was living in New York. I had just moved to graduate school actually a week or two before the plane struck the Twin Towers.

That's right. And by all accounts, she... led a great life. And so this was a tool that worked well for her. It reminds me of some of the data surrounding how people coped following the 9-11 attacks. So I was living in New York. I had just moved to graduate school actually a week or two before the plane struck the Twin Towers.

That's right. And by all accounts, she... led a great life. And so this was a tool that worked well for her. It reminds me of some of the data surrounding how people coped following the 9-11 attacks. So I was living in New York. I had just moved to graduate school actually a week or two before the plane struck the Twin Towers.

And I remember in the immediate aftermath of those attacks, there was a lot of discourse about the need to care for the people in New York City, and in particular, the people living and working around ground zero. And there was this assumption that we have to get them to talk about their feelings. We've got to force them to really just get it all out. Don't keep it bottled up inside.

And I remember in the immediate aftermath of those attacks, there was a lot of discourse about the need to care for the people in New York City, and in particular, the people living and working around ground zero. And there was this assumption that we have to get them to talk about their feelings. We've got to force them to really just get it all out. Don't keep it bottled up inside.

And I remember in the immediate aftermath of those attacks, there was a lot of discourse about the need to care for the people in New York City, and in particular, the people living and working around ground zero. And there was this assumption that we have to get them to talk about their feelings. We've got to force them to really just get it all out. Don't keep it bottled up inside.

Fast forward several years, there have been studies which have tracked people's tendencies to talk about what they experienced during the 9-11 attacks over time. And what the data show is that in some cases, talking about what people went through actually didn't have any effect on their emotional experience. And in some cases, it actually made them feel worse.

Fast forward several years, there have been studies which have tracked people's tendencies to talk about what they experienced during the 9-11 attacks over time. And what the data show is that in some cases, talking about what people went through actually didn't have any effect on their emotional experience. And in some cases, it actually made them feel worse.

Fast forward several years, there have been studies which have tracked people's tendencies to talk about what they experienced during the 9-11 attacks over time. And what the data show is that in some cases, talking about what people went through actually didn't have any effect on their emotional experience. And in some cases, it actually made them feel worse.

And so if there's one big take home that I have learned over the past 25 years of doing research in this space, It is that there are no one-size-fits-all solutions when it comes to managing our emotional lives. Some people benefit enormously from talking to other people about their experiences and processing and working through them. I happen to be someone like that.

And so if there's one big take home that I have learned over the past 25 years of doing research in this space, It is that there are no one-size-fits-all solutions when it comes to managing our emotional lives. Some people benefit enormously from talking to other people about their experiences and processing and working through them. I happen to be someone like that.

And so if there's one big take home that I have learned over the past 25 years of doing research in this space, It is that there are no one-size-fits-all solutions when it comes to managing our emotional lives. Some people benefit enormously from talking to other people about their experiences and processing and working through them. I happen to be someone like that.