Donna

I almost don't know how to feel. It's so not anything I was expecting.

I mean, it's so specific that, like, I feel like I do, but it's also just kind of strange.

I mean, okay, on one hand, I'm kind of flattered.

But on the other hand, I'm like, $250? That's all I'm worth to you?

I mean.

I mean, no, not at the moment. No, I don't think so.

Brooke foiled again.

Hi, thanks for taking my call today.

Oh, God. So I got engaged about a month ago.

His name is Neil. Okay. So I actually met him last year. So it was kind of a quick engagement. We're both like mid to late 30s. Like I've always wanted to get married. Like it's always been a goal.

But, okay. So, after our engagement, I moved into his place. But I came across something just, I don't know, weird the other day. Oh.

So, it was crammed in like a computer desk drawer. So obviously it's something he probably meant to hide or it seems like it.

No, I was just kind of like cleaning out some drawers. Like I was trying to organize a little bit. Okay. So I found this piece of paper.

Okay, yeah. On the piece of paper, there is a list of girls' names on it. Okay. And next to each name, there's check marks and there's dollar amounts.

That may tell us more. Yes, like not $500, but in the hundreds.

Yes, so I did some digging, and we share a bank account right now. So recently on the paper, he had added $250 to this girl named Melissa, who I know. I know her pretty well. I know a few of the girls on the list.

Yeah, I know a few of them. Some of them are single. Some of them are married.

Yeah, so when I saw that he had taken $250 from the bank account and sent it to this girl, Melissa, I said to him, hey, just curious, why did you pay Melissa $250 last week?

He instantly, to me, he looked super nervous. He kind of looked like he got caught. Oh.

It's a new account, so I don't even know that he was, like, thinking about that. But he just seemed super, super nervous. And then he was like, I got to leave the room for a second. He had to leave the room?

I would have followed him back to the room.

I don't know. And then when he came back, he was like, oh, it's a fantasy football thing with her. So I just didn't even bring up the other women or the other dollar amounts because I was just like, all right, something's not adding up. Like I'm getting married to her. There can't be any secrets, especially like financial weird.

Yes, I just confronted him about the amount that I saw take out of the bank account recently.

I just need to know how to approach this situation or like what to expect. I'm just, I'm nervous.

I mean, I think he was lying about the fantasy football thing. Like, I mean, I'm kind of freaking out. I was supposed to marry this guy. Like, I don't think he's telling the truth. Oh, no.

I pretty much agree. Like, I can't start a relationship with lies or feeling like something is not truthful. Totally.

That's fair. You're right. Like I do need to keep an open mind. Like I don't want to just attack him or like make him think that I'm just constantly snooping on him and whatever, looking for something bad.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think so. All right, you got this. You got this.

Not much.

Yeah, I mean, everything's okay.

Yeah, sorry. I just, yeah, my phone died, so I was just calling from somewhere else. I have a question. Are you doing drugs? What? Just tell me. What?

Yeah. Are you doing drugs?

Are you paying for adult experiences? No, come on.

Don't laugh. I'm being, this is serious. Please don't laugh at me. This is serious. Like I have.

Okay, listen, I know there's something going on. I know you're paying money. There's something you're not telling me.

Yeah, and I know about the others.

What do you mean? I found a folded up piece of paper in your desk and it had women's names. It had dollar amounts next to them and you're acting weird about it. Like, do not say fantasy football again because I know that's a straight-up lie. Okay.

Okay, well, we have to. We're getting married. You know, I'm going to build this marriage on trust. I cannot be in a relationship built on, like, a lie. Couldn't we just talk about it after we get married? Oh, my God. There's not going to be a marriage if you don't tell me what the hell is going on. No secrets. Like, you're not making yourself look good right now.

Oh, my God. Please, can you just tell me I'm ready? Please, can you just, like... Okay.

Hmm.

Okay, okay, so?

What?

Oh, my God. That's desperate.

Well, you can just trust me that I'm not as shy as I seem. I don't really meet people in person. So I, Yeah, it's exciting, a little weird, and I obviously came off very shy, but I don't know what to say. I do have, I'm experienced. I'm an experienced woman.

Okay. Well, I guess if you feel that way and you don't want to believe me or get to know me more, then I guess nice meeting you. Oh, my God.

I mean, Eric, I think you made a mistake and maybe I'll see you online sometime.

I can maybe see why he maybe thought that, but, like, it was so crazy. They just didn't want to give me another chance.

He was so sure he knew how to read people. That's what got me.

100%.

It was a food festival. Oh.

Oh, he was actually at the beer garden.

Know they're of age. Yeah, that's a good point. We were trying to like figure out where to sit down. And so he had a little picnic table and it was just kind of him and her friend. So it was just kind of this nice, like perfect two guys, two gals hanging out at a picnic table kind of thing.

Okay.

oh it was like an hour and a half maybe because we were just kind of having a good time yeah it was super natural like he was really funny really genuine nice guy and i just saw myself laughing so much because you're so goofy oh that's awesome yeah i love that i wouldn't call him goofy to his face but i could see how it's a positive thing to say was your girlfriend like hyping you up i mean could she tell that you were into him

Yeah. I mean, she was like making eyes at me like this guy really likes you and she could totally tell. And and he and I actually did agree to hang out later, like after the event.

Well, we had already drank a lot because we were chilling in the beer garden for a while. Yeah. So we didn't want to drink anymore. We just walked around the city and talked. We stopped and got some dessert.

Yeah, I just really liked him.

No, no kissy stuff. No hand holding it or anything.

I don't know if I should say it or if I can. You're embarrassed about something?

Yeah.

It might be one of those things, like maybe he doesn't know this about me or something, and then it's like I'm revealing this thing, and I'm like, oh, God, what if that wasn't the thing?

Yeah.

I didn't say any of this to him. But I don't know if he found out. Like, okay, I don't even know if I could say this right now.

It's not extremely aggressive, but it's definitely like leaning into rated R. Okay.

Yeah, it's a great question. I'm not on any dating apps. And this happened organically, which it was very exciting to meet him just like face to face as strangers. It felt like that cute little meet cute, you know? Yeah.

I don't know. I mean, some guys are scared. Some guys are like way too into it. So it's like, is that the only reason why you like me?

You know, actually, I feel like I would like it if I were to be the one to say it to him.

Okay, beautiful. All right, here we go.

Yeah.

No, I get it. I get it. And I hear you. I literally heard everything you said. I totally get it. And maybe I do come across that way in one-on-one scenarios, but... I'm adventurous. I do have quite an adventurous, wild side.

Hi, this is Donna from Colorado here. I was at your Boulder Live show and was delighted to hear that you love to ski. Because I do, too. I was wondering how you came to skiing, having grown up in Chicago. Where is your favorite place to go ski and to skiing figure into your 2025 adventure slash resiliency journey resolutions?

And it's in my name. I am one of the first women that I know of to get a gold card in my own name. In the early days, if a woman did get a credit card, a man had to co-sign. Women are supposed to know their place and they're supposed to be grateful for the fact that men are taking care of them. But the assumption was that women couldn't possibly pay.

But this is what women of my generation went through. This was the norm. My mother was expected to quit her job. My mother was expected to be a housewife. Legally speaking, she was Mrs. Samuel Halper. She wasn't Samuel. Her name was Beatrice. I knew that wasn't right. Getting the card in my own name really was about was just making sure I have an identity.

Making sure my name, because that's who I am, making sure my name is capable of being out there. Does that sound silly?

When I started running my own consulting business in the 1980s, I would take a client out to lunch and the server would give the check to my client. I called the manager over and I said to the manager, no offense, but if I don't exist, how do I leave a tip? Nobody believed that I made enough money and nobody believed that I was like a full-time working person.

Credit cards had a certain status. In that society, that made a real statement because that was something that only successful businessmen had. And I felt like it would make a statement if I had one.

So I got in touch with American Express. I wrote letters because back then that's what you did. And I questioned them. Like, you turned me down. How come?

Well, when you said you were going to pay me a thousand bucks, I said, you know, I'm really busy, but money talks, Donna walks.

I turned 78 on my birthday, which was Valentine's Day. Of course, I waited for your birthday card, but alas, you didn't send it.

and a record promoter friend of mine up in Canada sent me this album from this unsigned band. And he said to me, we're not gonna sign them, they're not ready for prime time. And I dropped the needle on a song called Working Man, and I knew immediately that this was a perfect record for Cleveland.

Well, I get up at seven, yeah, I go to work at nine, get no time for living, yes, I'm working all the time. Cleveland back then was a factory now. The sky was orange every night from pollution from Republic Steel.

Working man takes off. One thing led to another. They got an American contract with Mercury Records.

You don't do a mitzvah for the result. You do a mitzvah because it's the right thing to do. I am still alive. with those guys.

Over here somewhere.

I've had that silly gold card now for 51 years.